Thank you notes

[Eagle]

I have always thought it important for my children to write thank you notes to people who give them gifts. It doesn't have to be elaborate, just a simple "thank you" to let recipients know that the children appreciate their thoughtfulness. I set an example for them by writing thank you notes for gifts I receive myself (my parents always got me to write notes and I thought it was odd that they didn't).

 

We didn't receive a thank you from any of the children to whom we sent Christmas gifts this year -- not even a phone call. Have people done away with thanking others for gifts? Are thank you notes a relic of the past?

[Parrothead]

Speaking of which, I need to get mine out Tuesday.

[HS Mom in NC]

Other.

 

If they received the gift in person from the giver, then I think thank you notes are optional because they already thanked the person when they got it. Why is an in person thank you not considered enough by some people? If the giver sent the gift in the mail or via someone else, then we write a thank you note. It usually includes a photo or two of the child using the gift or if it was for an event, like live children's theater, photos of the child at the event are included. I send the thank you when the gift or money is received, even if the money will be used for an event in the future. A second note goes out with photos after the actual event.

 

When my mother's cousin loaned us his cabin for a week we took photos of all the things we did nearby, I put them on beautiful scrapbook papers with outdoor themes and each person wrote a sentence or two about their favorite part of the trip and we added them as captions for photos in the thank you booklet. When another of her cousins gave me a check to do something with the kids in lieu of bringing me a hostess gift for a lunch I hosted for her, we bought children's live theater tickets. After the show I kept them and using scrapbook paper that matched the colors in the tickets, I fanned the tickets on the front glued them and added photos of the kids at the show with a hand written sentence or two from each kid telling what they liked best about it in a booklet. Now she sends a check each Christmas and I send a thank you note telling her what I plan to do with it. After the event the thank you booklet with photos is sent.

[edelweiss]

My kids handwrite thank you notes for any and every gift that they receive. I do the same.

[Desert Rat]

I almost always send thank you notes through the mail. My kids are required to do the same.

 

There are a few exceptions though. With dh's family, they think thank you notes are weird. And I've gotten some unkind comments in response to thank you notes earlier in our marriage. So, if it's a big gift or overly generous, I still require a note. Otherwise, a quick thank you on the phone is all they will get. (Family dynamics.....geesh!)

 

Birthday gifts always require thank you notes. Christmas gifts received through the mail always require a note. Christmas gifts given in person do not get a written card. My reasoning is that these are smaller gatherings than our typical birthday parties. The boys are able to spend time chatting and give a personal thank you.

 

I like thank you notes. I like receiving them, too. My inlaws never send them. They don't even call to say the received the gift. It bugs me. And I quit sending anything but a card to my neice and nephew. I do think it's rude to not acknowledge a gift.

[QuirkyKapers]

Birthday gifts get a handwritten card. When someone does something above and beyond normal, thank you cards are written. For some Christmas gifts, especially from grandparents. This includes myself and kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We do thank you cards. 90% of the people we give gifts to do not.

[thessa516]

We do thank you cards for all gift giving, except for Christmas. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure why, but we've always (since I was a little girl) excluded Christmas gifts from the thank you card list.

[NotSoObvious]

Always, for everything. If someone goes out of their way to send a gift, a thank you note is the least we can do.

 

If, for some reason we don't send a note, we call. On birthdays and Christmas, we do both.

[NotSoObvious]

Always, for everything. If someone goes out of their way to send a gift, a thank you note is the least we can do.

 

If, for some reason we don't send a note, we call. On birthdays and Christmas, we do both.

[klmama]

We send thank you notes. People appreciate them. In the past three weeks I have been thanked by others three times for sending or having my dc send thank you notes. I don't think most people do it anymore, so those who do are noticed in a very positive way.

[eaglei]

Yes, we each hand write thank you notes for gifts, generally mailed or delivered within a seven-day period, rarely longer. The main exception was during an extended time of extreme medical stuff when we typed notes on the computer, hand-signed them, and hand-addressed the envelopes. The notes were not done in a timely fashion and it was our hope that, given what we were going through, people would understand the lateness and the typing.

 

It seems like thank you notes are considered old-fashioned, but I fail to see how. We rarely, if ever, receive a thank you note for anything, or even a spoken acknowledgment, especially from children of any age. Some adults offer a spoken thank you, which I am most glad to accept - I know they got the gift. There have also been occasions when an e-mail was the most appropriate way of contacting someone, and did so. In today's world, an e-mail thank you wouldn't bother me - again, I would know they received the item.

 

In general, the lack of written correspondence of any kind is rather sad. I miss the wonderful missives friends and I used to send and receive - there is such an exciting thrill and air of mystery in opening your mail box and seeing a letter - a LETTER - addressed to you. It can turn the most average day into the most wonderful.

[Guest]

I'll own up to being the loser - we don't anymore. I used to be so anal about thank you notes. I would get really ticked off because no one ever sent them to us. When my kids were little, I was so on top of them for everything and to everyone. Now, I think we're the people that other people are irritated with because we don't do thank-you's. I worry myself about so many things, though, and this is not one of them. I try to make a point to call my mom to let her know we get her gifts and thank her, though.

[eaglei]

We send thank you notes. People appreciate them. In the past three weeks I have been thanked by others three times for sending or having my dc send thank you notes. I don't think most people do it anymore, so those who do are noticed in a very positive way.

 

 

Your post reminded me of the tears of an older lady as she read a thank you note that I wrote on behalf of our family (during that time of extreme medical stuff). Some of her own family were not being very nice to her at all and, being older, she also felt useless. I didn't know this when I wrote the note. Another member of her family told me of her response when she read the note: it put a smile on her face, lifted her spirits, and she told them maybe she was worth something after all. She passed away not too awfully long after. We never know what a simple act of kindness will mean to someone.

[AK_Mom4]

My kids wrote thank you notes for everything while they live with us. Now that the older two are in college, they choose to phone, text, or facebook their thank yous.

 

I used to send gifts to the nieces and nephews for holidays, but once they stopped sending thank yous, I stopped sending gifts.

[Caitilin]

As I detest thank-you notes, I neither write them myself nor require my children to do so. However, we do always either thank the person at the time, if s/he is present, or we call to say thank-you. Why should we maintain a fictive degree of formality surrounding only this event of thank-you note writing?

[Caitilin]

My kids wrote thank you notes for everything while they live with us. Now that the older two are in college, they choose to phone, text, or facebook their thank yous.

 

I used to send gifts to the nieces and nephews for holidays, but once they stopped sending thank yous, I stopped sending gifts.

 

 

Here's my problem with this: IMO, if it is a true gift, it's not a transaction, an "I gave you XYZ, so you should give me a thank-you note." If I give someone a gift, I do not expect anything, anything at all, in return, because that's not what it is to give a gift. If you don't give the gifts freely, fine, don't give them. But don't give gifts so you can get something back.

[UrbanSue]

I answered the first for each one but it's not quite fair. WHEN I remember to write thank-you notes they are always by hand. And my kids are the same (dd is very good at remembering, ds thinks it is torture). I need to get better at the remembering part. It is my goal to send a handwritten thank-you note for any gift not received in person.

[Melissa in Australia]

My children only get gifts form my MIL. she is blind so they ring.

[Twigs]

1. other - I have no children

2. I handwrite notes and use email.

[Joker]

No, we don't send out thank you notes. We say thanks in person, call and say thanks, or say thanks via email/FB. I don't have a problem with this, but I also have zero problem with not getting a thank you. I honestly don't think about it after I send out the gift.

[Laurie4b]

Other: We do a variety of things, often depending on the context and the person's expectations. Some people in our family prefer to be thanked (and do their thanking) in a formal, written thank you note. Most others are fine to be thanked in person or on the phone or by email. The kids' peers do not write thank you notes to each other for bday presents. They thank each other in person.

 

I don't equate gratitude with thank you notes. People who are deeply thankful may not write them.People who write them may not be at all grateful--they may just be performing a social obligation.

 

Personally, I dislike receiving thank you notes. I think it's because they tend to be more an indication that the person thinks a gift requires one or that they consider our relationship formal rather than that the person is actually expressing gratitude. So more often than not, a formal thank you hurts my feelings. I've only ever received one that didn't follow a formula, Dear ____, thank you for the _____. <Optional gush> I will use it for _____. Love, Recipient. I just don't like formulaic communication. (I'm not criticizing the writers--it's what's required. They are doing what they believe they should do and being very proper. )

 

I would much prefer a thank you in person or by phone. In fact, I don't care whether or not someone thanks me. I often include in my note with a shower gift to please not send me a thank you note, for instance. It's one less thing for them to do and since they've already thanked me in person and I could gauge how much they liked it by being there, I don't see the need for one.) The only time I would like to know is if I've mailed something and am not sure whether or not they have gotten it. I don't mind asking to find out either.

[BarbecueMom]

I didn't grow up writing thank you notes, and now I'm figuring out why. I've never received a mailed gift from an out-of-town relative, except for my dad, but he gets a phone call. All of DH's family is local, so all his gifts were in person. He doesn't remember doing thank you notes either (or maybe he did, but he has no memory capacity for those types of things).

[2squared]

We write thank yous for pretty much everything. I encourage my kids to draw pictures rather than writing a lot. Like a pp said, written thank yous are often too formulaic for me.

[QueenCat]

Handwritten notes for just about everything here, even if we received the gift in person. The exception is if someone specifically asks us not to write one. I like receiving thank you notes but they are not conditional on continuing to receive gifts from me.

[happyhomemaker]

My kids write thank you notes for gifts if the giver is not present to see them get the gift. If the gifts are given in person, we don't do notes because that person has already been thanked. I have never understood the point of mailing someone a formulaic letter stating the same thing you just told them in person a few days beforehand. I guess thank you notes seem very formal to me, like something you send to someone you don't know very well. I'm glad no one I know has decided to penalize us for not writing notes. If they did, I would assume they didn't care very much about us to begin with.

[Firefly]

If we're not there in person, then yes a hand written thank you note for kids and myself. The exception might be immediate family and very close friends: depending on the situation I might send thanks in an email if was an informal kind of thing (kids would still be expected to do the hand written note).

[QueenCat]

I have never understood the point of mailing someone a formulaic letter stating the same thing you just told them in person a few days beforehand.

 

Our thank you notes, for those who were there to give us the gift, tell the giver how much we've enjoyed the gift, not just the thank you upon opening.