Kids and their money

[Cricket]

How much leeway do you give your kids when it comes to them spending their own money? Every birthday and Christmas my dh's parents give our kids $100 each. This morning my younger boy comes to me and says that he and ds1 want to pay for "unlimited access" for an online game that they both like to play. They only get to play this on the weekends. It's $90 for a year. I made my younger boy (the older one is at baseball practice this morning) write down why he needs unlimited access. The difference between basic access and unlimited access is that the player gets more powerful weapons and more powerful ships and much cooler clothing. :001_rolleyes: I explained to him about marketing and asked him to think about it for awhile, about what they were actually paying for, etc. Now he's in tears. That is part of my problem. On the days they are allowed to play, they do their chores sloppily because they are in such a hurry to get back to the game, they forget chores, the younger one gets emotional. It's just ridiculous. It isn't so much the game as it is screen time I think. Dh is ready to ban screen time altogether. Maybe we need more restrictions on how long they get to play on allowed days. I see where my younger one could get addicted to online gaming. Another issue I have is that my older son needs money for baseball equipment as well as monthly fees for his travel ball team. Money is extremely tight for us right now and I can't see letting them spend money on absolutely useless things when they have real expenses for important, long-term things. On the other hand, they should get to do something special with birthday and Christmas money. My younger son really doesn't get other money. My older son sometimes gets outside jobs and earns additional money.

 

Just wondering what guidelines others set for kids and how they spend their money, if you set guidelines at all. How do you handle it at your house?

[bolt.]

My kids are not allowed to spend anything on items I don't approve. If they want a book, it has to be a book that I don't disapprove of. If they want fish, it has to be one that I ok. If they want clothes, they have to meet my standards -- etc. They can't say, "I want a puppy." and spend their own money as if I get no say just because the cash is in their hands.

 

Therefore, under my scheme, if the video game has some household and behavioral issues, those would have to be resolved (and shown through a trial period) before I would approve that spending.

 

However, it is hard when kids' money is in lieu of a gift. Yes, they need food, shelter, basic clothes, education and reasonable recreation much more than they need gifts... But that doesn't mean gifts aren't gifts. They are supposed to be fun: the equivalent of a "toy". The intent if the gift was not "to keep up with baseball nessessities" -- so it would be a pitty if the reality hits that it really is "pay with your Christmas money or quit, because ther us no household money available for baseball this year."

 

If that is the reality, it is, so tell him. If its not: if you can continue to afford baseball from household funds, then don't mention it to him. It's ok for gifts to be "toys" even when household life is a bit tight.

[Joshin]

Our basic rule with monetary gifts is save at least half. They can spend the other half as they want, but any purchase over $10 must have a parental approval. I also enforce a one week waiting period for larger purchases, since they often seem inspired by seeing a display in the store while they have money burning a hole in their pocket.

 

My kids have been known to pool money in the past to buy something, too.

 

In your case, I would probably steer him away from the unlimited access. I would look into the game, though. Sometimes you can buy a clothing pack or weapons pack for a smaller amount of cash. That could provide a way to meet your son halfway on his spending choices and teach a lesson about compromise and budgeting.

[regentrude]

My kids are allowed to use their money as they wish. (They do not get such large sums in one chunk though.)

I see their own money as a tool to teach financial literacy. We offer advice, we may require a waiting period before they decide to spend larger sums - but ultimately we allow them to make their own decisions (barring objectionable purchases: we give or refuse permission for video games on a case-by-case basis), even if we consider them a mistake. Over the years, my kids had their share of impulse buys they regretted, and I can observe that they have learned to carefully research, budget and save.

Btw, we had the unlimited access thing too. Sometimes it was worth it, sometimes they realized that it was not and decided not to renew. Buying the access does not mean that you have to allow them more time for gaming, though. We always made them research whether there were options for month-to-month instead of a yearly subscription.

 

Your specific situation presents unique challenges. If the family finances are such that the kid needs to contribute to his extracurriculars and could not participate otherwise, I find it perfectly reasonable to explain this to the child and ask him to either set the money for these expenses aside now, or to choose whether he wants to continue with the activity. In that case, Grandma's gift might be "a season of playing baseball" that would otherwise not be in the family budget.

I would, however, not require this if there was any way to make the money come out of the family finances.

[Donna]

Money received as a gift is theirs to do with as they please because I feel it is meant to be their present from someone else. (They have never asked to buy something I did not approve of enough to stop them.) For money earned through gigs, most 80% or more goes in their bank accounts (or occasionally they will help pay a bit toward music camp though usually I tell them they are helping and pay myself putting their contributions in their bank accounts) and they get a small amount for themselves.

[amy g.]

I let my children spend their money on anything they want...that isn't illegal. I believe it is good practice for managing their money later on.

 

Maybe it works because at least my older three children are savers by nature. But look out for number 4. That kid can spend some money.

[Trillian]

Another person who lets DS use his money how he wants; I think it's taught a lot about not wasting. However, he also has limited screen time. Personally, I would separate the two. Also, he has gotten outside activities/equipment for them as gifts, and I think it's not unreasonable to use some of the money for that if that's how he gets to play.

[Joker]

They can spend it however they want. Older is a saver. Younger used to spend quickly until she purchased something that broke within the first five minutes of playing. We had told her we didn't think it was a wise choice but allowed her to do it anyway. She now listens to us more about purchases and is more careful with her money. It was a great learning experience.

[Lily_Grace]

Gift money is theirs to spend within reason. It was meant to be for a present, so they should be able to honestly say what the money was used for when writing the thank you card.

 

That said, we have rules on certain things like video games. Using money for access to a game would require a month pause while dh and I researched it. Since the payment would have to use a cc number or paypal, we'd have to make darn sure that it could not be set as reoccuring billing. That means reading reviews, talking to people who use the game, etc. It would also mean, that since dh and I would be financially involved, the game and upgrade would be scrutinized to be sure that it fit in with our family values. Upgrades have been denied here for lots of reasons, the main one being that it allowed too much freedom in the game like talking to other players.

 

If, after the month, and all was on the up and up, we would probably give the okay. But it has only happened once that I can recall, out of several requests.

[Catwoman]

I know this isn't about deciding how your kids can spend their money, but if you'll post more info about which game for which your kids want to purchase the unlimited access, maybe some of us will have some reviews for you to help you decide whether or not it would be worth getting it.

[AimeeM]

All monies received for gifts are treated the same as allowance - 30% save, 10% give, 60% spend. Their "spend" portion may be used however they want, so long as it isn't illegal. No restrictions. Obviously, they aren't allowed to use the purchased item if it's a banned item (inappropriate clothing, games we never allow, etc), but sure they can buy it :p

[Danestress]

I guess I think that if you are allowing the game to start with, which I know you are reconsidering at this point, then wanting the upgraded version seems okay to me as long as that doesn't include additional "bad" things (ie language, graphic violence, etc).

 

I would look at this as your son using his money to buy an experience. Many kids have enough "stuff" and when you break it down, he would be spending less than $10 a month to upgrade a game he really likes. I don't see the problem with that. We try to do "experience" related gifts for our kids - tickets to a fun event or concert, etc. Last year we bought one son a years membership to a website with guitar lessons on it. He used it all year.

 

If he needs to use the money towards baseball travel expenses, I think in fairness you should have told him that already. Waiting until he tells you what he wants and the springing that on him is going to make him suspect that you only said that because you don't like the computer game.

 

My kids can do what they want with gift money, as long as it's something simply don't allow. To me, that's the purpose of a grandma giving money - she wants them to use it for something they really want. Next year I might ask her if she could buy a piece of equipment he needs or pay for some travel expenses as a Christmas present.

[myfunnybunch]

My kids got about the same amount this year between birthdays and Christmas. It is hard to find a balance between letting them spend their own money and wishing they wouldn't "blow it" in something that seems trivial to us.

 

I told my kids:

 

1. If it's something I wouldn't allow in the house, don't buy it.

2. Wait a week to decide. This is not optional. You have to wait.

3. Try to remember all of the things you were wishing for throughout the year, and how much enjoyment and play time you'll get out of whatever you buy.

4. After that, it's your money so if you really want to spend it all on a Lego set or video game, I won't say a word unless asked for my opinion.

 

(They bought cameras and a video game and a nerf gun. Not too bad.)

 

I think an upgrade for a game that they enjoy and play often is reasonable. *I* would think of it as a waste of money if my kids wanted to spend their money that way, but I know that the games are important to them. However, if you and/or your dh are considering changes to their screen time, I'd ask them to wait until you've decided if you're going to make changes and how you'll handle them.

 

Cat

[BarbecueMom]

I know this isn't about deciding how your kids can spend their money, but if you'll post more info about which game for which your kids want to purchase the unlimited access, maybe some of us will have some reviews for you to help you decide whether or not it would be worth getting it.

 

 

Yes, some games really need the upgrade to be played well. DH plays the Star Wars MMO and pays for a subscription. In the "free play version" you don't get enough action bars and it makes gameplay more difficult and some things near impossible. Or so he says. Other games you might run into similar issues.

[2squared]

Is there an option for paying for the upgrade on a monthly basis? I've let my kids buy monthly upgrades, and after a month or two they usually decide they don't want to pay anymore. I would absolutely let them pay to upgrade a game they already play, but I would hesitate to let them spend so much money on gaming access.

[Murphy101]

I think the mistake you made was giving the impression he could have unlimited gaming if he wrote a satisfactory to you reason, all the while you pretty much knew you were likely to disapprove.

 

I would have just said no, that's too much to spend to accessorize a virtual character.

 

My kids are expected to keep to a budget and to keep an on going list of extra expenses, that way when extra money comes in, they already have a list of things they need to consider.

 

Impulse buys are rare here.

[Murphy101]

Oh and I'm not anti gaming. 9/10 of my kids have DSi or 3Dds. We have Wii U, knect, iPads and iPhones.

 

But We don't play games except on the weekends. And usually it's a group game with the family, not one of the kids off playing alone on the computer.

 

So for me, if this were a game that got the child more involved with the family, I might adjust my opinion. But none of us would spend $90 to play a game by ourselves.

 

Ymmv, but that's our family dynamic and policy.

[DawnM]

Awe, come on Mom, let them have a puppy!

 

They can't say, "I want a puppy." and spend their own money as if I get no say just because the cash is in their hands.

 

[violamama]

That's a lot of money to spend. If you think they'll be unhappy with their purchase and the screens are causing strife anyway, what about showing them a whole bunch of other cool things they could do with that amount?

 

With my guys (maybe they're younger than yours?) I often encourage them to maintain a list of things they might like. I let them look online with me, and when we're in a store I take a pic with my phone of stuff they want. At their ages, my goal is to teach them to make decisions based on choice and to show them that spending is always a choice. Half the time they forget tons of what's on the lists, so we're not obsessing about it, just trying to build a sense of the value of things. We also always talk about the cost of activities and let them add those to the list. (The local pizza/arcade place is in their top 5.)

 

I like the division of moneys coming in. We do some to save, some for church, some to spend now. However, we have one out of town relative who sends a big chunk like that and specifies it's for a toy, so... it's for a toy.

[Garga]

Their money, they buy what they want.

 

I'd rather have a kid waste $90 now and learn a hard lesson on wasting money, than to protect them from bad financial decisions until they are old enough for a credit card and make bad financial decisions. This is my chance to let them fail without the consequences being life altering.

 

They have been taught to take money off the top for offerings at church. But beyond that, they can save for a big ticket item, or spend it all on little stuff. Or totally waste it and learn to regret it.

 

That doesn't mean that I don't say, "You may do what you want, but my advice would be X because of Y." Sometimes they listen and sometimes they don't

[Tita Gidge]

We all have things we find fascinating or fun, that our loved ones find silly or wasteful.

 

For me, it's shoes. I have a ridiculous number of shoes, and the more practical people in my life can't understand why I continue to spend ("waste") time and money continually adding to an already superfluous stash.

 

For one of my kids, it's online gaming. And one game in particular. I think online games are stupid, and that this particular favorite game is even more stupid.

 

Fair is fair, he thinks my shoe collection is stupid :)

 

To sum, we each have our own "stupid" things on which we're free to (reasonably) spend our (discretionary) money; kids, included. I think that's a related but still separate issue from that of allowing our hobby to control us (rather than vice versa).

 

I'd be frank with the kids, if they were receptive: "Look, this game is already causing issues so I'm hesitant to greenlight a purchase that will make it moreso. What kind of guarantee or plan can we put in place to assure me that this is a wise investment for ME, as a parent?" and let them convince you of that rather than why they 'need' unlimited access to it. Maybe that means that your answer is "I'm not prepared to say yes, but I'm not sure I want/need to say no" ... and you give them time and initiative to figure out a plan and show you they're capable of controlling their hobby. That is, proving (to them, to you) that (for the most part) it doesn't negatively impact their school and chore output.

 

Me, I'd probably ok it. That would come with the understanding that just because they were now financially vested in the experience didn't mean I was (or ever planned to be) on the same page about it ... and that I never wanted to hear the words uttered, "But I paid $XX for this game, and I never get to play!!" or any derivative thereof. This is actually exactly how I handled the situation in my own home last year, and it's gone better than I expected.