Can you still be an introvert if...

[I.Dup.]

you enjoyed playing with other kids as a kid?

 

And you used to like to party as a teenager (but never cared about being the center of attention)

 

And you like being social online (but not at all in real life anymore)?

 

 

Or do introverts always choose to be alone over being with other people?

[KrissiK]

I don't think it's a matter of introverts not liking being with other people. I heard once that the difference between being an introvert and an extrovert is where you get your energy from. Do you come home from a party excited and energized from being with a lot of people, or are you exhausted? I enjoy parties, but people do drain me and I recharge my batteries by being alone. When I host I always refuse help cleaning up my kitchen because that's my alone time and I can decompress and relax a little.

[sassenach]

I don't think being an introvert is about avoiding people. It's about how you recharge and what drains you. I like being around people and don't avoid it at all, but I definitely need time all by myself or I'll go crazy. My extroverted child literally falls to pieces if she has to be by herself for any length of time (like when we quarantined her because she got the stomach flu 3 days before Christmas). My introverted child will sometimes announce that he's going to go play in his room by himself and he'd appreciate it if we didn't bother him. Both kids love to get together with friends, both kids beg for park days and sleepovers, and love co-op. But they recharge in 2 very different ways.

[DaffodilDreams]

Being an introvert means that being around others depletes your store of energy. I'm old enough to realize that my energy level is not easily restored, so I tend to say no to a lot of events. I do like being alone or just with my little family very much, but I also enjoy being with a small group of loved ones. Small, quiet, and comfortable is key for me, but even then, I require downtime afterwards.

[Word Nerd]

I highly recommend Susan Cain's book Quiet.

[I.Dup.]

I highly recommend Susan Cain's book Quiet.

 

 

Just requested it, thanks!

 

I'm confused because as a child I would have always preferred to play with a play mate instead of be alone (I was an only child). As I got older, I really liked to be going, going, going all the time and was definitely the type to do last minute things.

 

I have lots of good memories of playing quietly by myself, reading, studying, etc. But I did like to "have fun." I'm not sure if that was more a kid thing or an extrovert thing.

 

Now, I need a LOT of time alone and definitely recharge by being alone. But whatever desire I have to be around people is met by about 8am (because of the kids, lol) so I don't know what that makes me now.

[Parrothead]

It isn't that introverts don't like being around other people. It is that they need time alone to recharge. Whereas extroverts get their batteries recharged by being around other people.

[I.Dup.]

I like to have fun too. My idea of fun doesn't seem to be everyone's, but yes I like fun.

 

I'm rarely alone actually. My kids are here all day everyday. My husband is here when he isn't at work. He never goes anywhere else. My dad visits often and sometimes spends several weeks here. I think the only thing I get to do alone is go to the bathroom (well unless you consider sometimes people talk to me through the door...LOL). It doesn't bother me. I've gotten really good at tuning things out. When I'm in a situation with a lot of people and I'm not crazy about it I go somewhere else in my head.

 

See, it DOES bother me to never be alone now. I pay to have a babysitter come 4 days a week just so I can go into my room. It was originally so I could do something productive with my time, but it turned into me just needing to go in my room and read or sleep. I also have sensory issues that make it really hard to tune things out. It's a cross i have to carry. :nopity:

[beezus]

I am an introvert and enjoyed playing with other kids when I was young, as well as going to parties as a teen and young adult. Of course, I was perfectly comfortable being by myself too. As I get older I find that I have less interest in doing a lot of things with other people. I enjoy being with my family and occassionally seeing a few close friends. I don't have a big drive to seek out other people for activities and social events. I don't hate being around people - I just don't want to be around a lot of them at once, or for very long.

 

Even among introverted people I think there is a wide range. Some really don't like being around others much, and some enjoy going out and doing social-type things and then retreating to their quiet space. My dd15 is quite social, friendly, confident. She enjoys going out and being involved in lots of things, seeing friends, etc., but then she likes to come home and have nesting time in her room. I think she and I are both introverts, because as others have said, it is more about how you re-charge and where you get your energy from.

[I.Dup.]

I will say that while I did enjoy playing with other kids, etc. I often felt like I was not part of the group. I never knew why that was. It's always like I was on the outside looking in all the time. Like I was observing rather than participating. I think the introversion thing explains that. I used to feel bad that I felt that way, like there was something wrong with me. After awhile, who wants to be involved with a lot of group things if one feels like that most of the time? Now I don't try to go along with these things. I find situations I am comfortable with. I deal with those situations I cannot avoid (pretty rare anyways).

 

I can definitely relate to this. I had people want to be friends with me all throughout school, but I was usually too shy to seek out friends. I always felt that everyone else was more socially adjusted than I was- funnier, cuter, wittier, and I just felt so awkward all the time. I still do, I beat myself up months later for something stupid I said IRL...the internet is much better for me in this way because I can think through and process my responses (although I don't always do that well enough, LOL)

[jenL]

I am an introvert and enjoyed playing with other kids when I was young, as well as going to parties as a teen and young adult. Of course, I was perfectly comfortable being by myself too. As I get older I find that I have less interest in doing a lot of things with other people. I enjoy being with my family and occassionally seeing a few close friends. I don't have a big drive to seek out other people for activities and social events. I don't hate being around people - I just don't want to be around a lot of them at once, or for very long.

 

 

 

:iagree: This describes me to a tee.

[justme824]

I don't mind being around people, but I do like to decompress by myself after I have too much socializing. I am very guarding, but not really shy. I was similar as a child, but really think much of this began in high school.

 

I have difficulty finding friends that understand this. They tend to think I am inflexible or uncaring because I need to take a step back for a couple weeks.

[Cassy]

you enjoyed playing with other kids as a kid?

 

And you used to like to party as a teenager (but never cared about being the center of attention)

 

And you like being social online (but not at all in real life anymore)?

 

 

Or do introverts always choose to be alone over being with other people?

 

 

Yes, I too can relate, and I wouldn't hesitate to describe myself as an introvert. I find I need quite a fine balance of time alone and time with others. I mostly enjoy 'superficial' acquaintances, and find intense friendships exhausting.

[justme824]

I will say that while I did enjoy playing with other kids, etc. I often felt like I was not part of the group. I never knew why that was. It's always like I was on the outside looking in all the time. Like I was observing rather than participating. I think the introversion thing explains that. I used to feel bad that I felt that way, like there was something wrong with me. After awhile, who wants to be involved with a lot of group things if one feels like that most of the time? Now I don't try to go along with these things. I find situations I am comfortable with. I deal with those situations I cannot avoid (pretty rare anyways).

 

 

I really relate to this...

[justme824]

 

Yes, I too can relate, and I wouldn't hesitate to describe myself as an introvert. I find I need quite a fine balance of time alone and time with others. I mostly enjoy 'superficial' acquaintances, and find intense friendships exhausting.

 

 

Yes to the intense friendships being exhausting! I recently had a friendship end because she just didn't understand my need for space & alone time. I never realized how much that friendship weighed me down until it was over.

[justme824]

I highly recommend Susan Cain's book Quiet.

 

 

I've seen this mentioned several times recently. I think I need to give it a read...

[I.Dup.]

This has been eye opening, thank you all for sharing.

 

I guess there is a sliding scale to introvert and extrovert while still being one. I do think it's important we understand ourselves and our personalities and I guess I thought if I didn't fit the picture of introvert I had in my head, I must be more extroverted.

[justLisa]

I think I am an introvert and an extrovert.

[Zebra]

I will second whoever said to read Susan Cain's book. I wish everyone would read it.

 

Being an introvert is a wonderful thing that our culture should celebrate more. Unfortunately, people in America look down on introverts and have set up a culture that is geared towards extroverts. There is actually a chapter in Susan Cain's book that talks about how the current financial meltdown could have been avoided if introverts were in charge. There was also a part about how introverts can sometimes make better managers because they tend to listen to other people, and not need to micromanage as much as extroverts. The point of her book is that introverts do not need to change, society and individuals need to recognize and embrace the unique strengths of the introvert.

 

Being an introvert IS NOT "BAD". Being an extrovert IS NOT "GOOD". They just are both personality traits. That's it. Social anxiety, not being able to talk to people, WHATEVER, aren't things that make you an introvert. Do you require more alone time or do you require more social time to feel happy. Everyone needs to find that balance where they feel the best.

 

And there are people who are both and they are called "Ambiverts" .

[justLisa]

Cain also did a TedTalk that is one of my favorites.

http://www.ted.com/t...introverts.html

 

 

Wow I had not seen that one I LOVE this.

[cathmom]

This has been eye opening, thank you all for sharing.

I guess there is a sliding scale to introvert and extrovert while still being one. I do think it's important we understand ourselves and our personalities and I guess I thought if I didn't fit the picture of introvert I had in my head, I must be more extroverted.

 

 

Also, one description I read of my personality type (INFJ) said that we can easily be mistaken for extroverts because we are so interested in people. I love getting to know more about people and am always open to meeting new people, but I am definitely an introvert.

[I.Dup.]

I am INFJ as well!

[elegantlion]

I like people watching. I like interacting with some people, if I click with them, I don't mind getting together on a regular basis. I can also talk a lot if you get me going, but generally I'm pretty quiet. I observe a lot. My ds is introverted but loves to talk. He doesn't speak up in groups though, so some people that have only observed him in groups don't understand how much he can talk. My dh is extroverted and a talker. We work great together because I get him to do all the phone call that tend to drain me (anything involving a conflict).

 

As an introvert I like being around extroverts, there's less pressure on me. :D

[Pippen]

I naturally lean towards the introvert side. I'm perfectly happy to spend a lot of time alone and interact with friends in ways that aren't necessarily in person. I enjoy being with small groups of people--not so much large groups unless it's in a school setting.

 

Where things really differ for me is that groups of adults tend to drain me far more than groups of teens/preteens. I'm going on a five day trip soon with a student group. Spending all that time with the youth is fine. The thought of spending that much time with other parent chaperones and rooming with a woman I barely know is utterly exhausting.

[TravelingChris]

I am an introvert. I am also a leader and that is not a contradiction. But that doesn't mean I need so much social activities, especially at my age. I would like to have a bit more social activities but currently I am involved in a Sunday School class, two book clubs and do my volunteer tutoring once a week. That still leaves most of the time when I am not engaging in social activities. I think the amount of social activities I have (two every week, and an additional two every month), would probably drive an extrovert crazy. They want a lot more social time. I could do with a bit more but not that much more. Oh and I do talk but I am not one for much chit chat so I will talk if there is something to be said- like a point to make in Sunday School or to give my opinion of a book. I do some light chit chat in church but not that much. I try to remember about people;s activities or ailments so I can ask about those and be okay.

[TravelingChris]

Oh and I am an INTJ and my dh is an INTP. He is actually better at chit chat than me but I think it is because he has had to develop that side of him a lot more because of his job (he is an officer in the military).

[I.Dup.]

I avoid chit chat at all costs. I have embarrassed dh numerous times with how quickly I bolt out of church once the service is over. I am not in any adult social groups of any kind (except this one and facebook) because I avoid them. I haven't gotten together with another human being but my kids and dh in months and I don't want to.

[kateincali]

I tend towards introvertedness myself. I find I love spending time alone. Growing up, I would hide away and read for hours. During a party I was always at the fringes looking in, just waiting for the moment I could go home. But my parents were big on bettering ourselves, so i learned to push myself and become more social. This could be extremely trying at times but I found it was good for me, as long as i gave myself time alone to recharge. Challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone, I found in time it became easier. Sometimes I surprised myself and really enjoyed it! Balance is the key! :)

[poiema]

I am an introvert and I enjoyed playing with other kids as a kid, but also liked to read or play by myself. As a teenager I was outgoing and talkative so I was usually at the center of attention, especially at parties. But I still liked to come home and read or write by myself. When I took a personality test in college that said I was an introvert I wasn't the least surprised, but everyone who knew me couldn't believe it. They knew me as the outgoing, talkative, social butterfly. Over the years I have become less outgoing, and most of the time I'd rather stay home with my family or watch a movie by myself. I still love getting together with friends, but I always look forward to coming home so I can relax and recharge.

 

My poor husband met and married me thinking I was a fellow extrovert. I even fooled him! :tongue_smilie:

[Farmgirl70]

 

Just requested it, thanks!

 

I'm confused because as a child I would have always preferred to play with a play mate instead of be alone (I was an only child). As I got older, I really liked to be going, going, going all the time and was definitely the type to do last minute things.

 

I have lots of good memories of playing quietly by myself, reading, studying, etc. But I did like to "have fun." I'm not sure if that was more a kid thing or an extrovert thing.

 

Now, I need a LOT of time alone and definitely recharge by being alone. But whatever desire I have to be around people is met by about 8am (because of the kids, lol) so I don't know what that makes me now.

 

 

I am a borderline introvert--like you when I was younger and need lots of alone time right now. I think it has to do with being with my kids all the time and the social nature of homeschooling and my involvement with the nonprofit my husband runs. I think when the kids are gone from home, I might swing back the other way a little....

[sparrow]

you enjoyed playing with other kids as a kid?

 

As an only child, I LOVED playing with other kids.

 

And you used to like to party as a teenager (but never cared about being the center of attention)

 

I partied--a lot :D

 

And you like being social online (but not at all in real life anymore)?

 

Hmm, I'm social online, but I also still enjoy social activities in real life.

 

 

Or do introverts always choose to be alone over being with other people?

 

Nope. I just need to recharge after social situations. I would never choose to be alone.

 

[LaxMom]

There is a difference between being an introvert and being a hermit. (Though hermits would have to be introverts, I suppose)

 

I'm an introvert and get on fine with people. I just don't like large groups of them. Getting together with another family we adore is awesome / going to the big work party is not. Large social gatherings have too much input, and just exhaust me.

 

I didn't like to play with "other children" so much as a kid. Specific children, yes. I had a core group of friends whom I played with regularly, but I wouldn't be the kid who wanted to go to the playground to see who was there. Ditto partying in highschool.

 

I'm not shy, or particularly quiet, and I'll talk to anyone, one on one. I think online communications are appealing to introverts because they are very one on one, even in a busy forum. Each post is read in its own order, so there's a singled threaded input. And, if it gets too "noisy", we can step away without worrying about being rude.

[Denisemomof4]

I had a lot of friends growing up. Often times I was the life of the party. I loved large gatherings. I was a complete and total extrovert. As I age, I really love my own company. A LOT. I NEED quiet time alone to decompress. Regularly. Dd13 didn't get that memo. ;)And I really only have time for reciprocal, effortless friendships. I will not get involved with drama. CI do make new friends but I really don't want to. I have enough. I am glad I didn't totally shut off new friendships because my new friend of the past two years is AWESOME and such a blessng!

 

 

[justamouse]

Just requested it, thanks!

 

I'm confused because as a child I would have always preferred to play with a play mate instead of be alone (I was an only child). As I got older, I really liked to be going, going, going all the time and was definitely the type to do last minute things.

 

I have lots of good memories of playing quietly by myself, reading, studying, etc. But I did like to "have fun." I'm not sure if that was more a kid thing or an extrovert thing.

 

Now, I need a LOT of time alone and definitely recharge by being alone. But whatever desire I have to be around people is met by about 8am (because of the kids, lol) so I don't know what that makes me now.

 

I was an only child for many years and I played a lot by myself, pondered a lot, spent time just sitting in a garden contemplating the flowers. That said, I LOVED my Aunt's house, with her 5 kids and the pets. I truly can't express how much I loved it.

 

See, it DOES bother me to never be alone now. I pay to have a babysitter come 4 days a week just so I can go into my room. It was originally so I could do something productive with my time, but it turned into me just needing to go in my room and read or sleep. I also have sensory issues that make it really hard to tune things out. It's a cross i have to carry. :nopity:

 

 

So fast forward to having a passel of small children. I would DREAM of being a nun in a cloister--I am not kidding. I still consider if I missed my calling, somehow. I would tell me DH that I would be happy to just stare at a wall in complete silence. I was so touched out--it was very hard for me to overcome that I still had to give more. I didn't even want to hear another person *breathe*.

 

 

Yes, I too can relate, and I wouldn't hesitate to describe myself as an introvert. I find I need quite a fine balance of time alone and time with others. I mostly enjoy 'superficial' acquaintances, and find intense friendships exhausting.

 

I had a friend that called every day--EVERY DAY crying, or wigging over something, even when she was exuberantly joyful, and I Could. Not. Take. It. I mean, like, I had to end the friendship. She required so much of me and I had these needy kids and a son going through hell and I had to circle the wagons.

 

My intensity --and I'm intense--goes to my kids and husband. Those are my priorities. Full stop. I love my women friends, they are things I look to them for, but by far, my family is where my energy is spent.

 

I am INFJ as well!

 

I'm an INFJ. I put myself out there when I can. When I want to. When I feel that whatever it is is larger and more needful than my desire to stay alone with my family. Like teaching CCD. Or the food pantry. And then I come home and just Hole. Up. I mean, my kids are all here, but they're introverts, too, so our house is quiet.

 

Now that they are older and don't need me as much, I'm not wanting that complete silence.

 

I was getting a little hairy yesterday, people were stressing me out, I was getting pissed, I had to go to Costco (hello salt mines!) and then teach CCD (I do it purposely all in one day because on Tuesday I don't have to leave the house or get out of my PJS). But something beautiful happened. It was the last class before Christmas break, and we had a special benediction service with Adoration.

 

WOW. Lete me tell you, WOW. I have never experienced something so healing. I am now very driven to bring my kids to Adoration at least twice a month, or even just myself going, but the healing and the peace is amazing.

 

If you can, (if you don't just need the sleep) try going.

[I.Dup.]

I had a friend that called every day--EVERY DAY crying, or wigging over something, even when she was exuberantly joyful, and I Could. Not. Take. It. I mean, like, I had to end the friendship. She required so much of me and I had these needy kids and a son going through hell and I had to circle the wagons.

 

I could relate to your entire post, but what happens when this person is your own child? How do you deal? I was like that as a child- incredibly intense and emotional, but have very much grown out of it and tend to be pretty even-keeled now.

 

I think I was worn out growing up with a bipolar dad and I was constantly having to ride his emotional highs and lows- they took over our entire house. So now when someone (a child, one child) gets really intense, even in a happy way, I have a very hard time dealing with it and just want to shut myself in my room. I ususally smile and nod and try to change the subject. I can't take the intensity. If she's upset, I will comfort her, but usually I tell her to calm down and chill out. I don't deal with drama and exaggerated emotion very well. At all.

[justamouse]

 

I could relate to your entire post, but what happens when this person is your own child? How do you deal? I was like that as a child- incredibly intense and emotional, but have very much grown out of it and tend to be pretty even-keeled now.

 

I think I was worn out growing up with a bipolar dad and I was constantly having to ride his emotional highs and lows- they took over our entire house. So now when someone (a child, one child) gets really intense, even in a happy way, I have a very hard time dealing with it and just want to shut myself in my room. I ususally smile and nod and try to change the subject. I can't take the intensity. If she's upset, I will comfort her, but usually I tell her to calm down and chill out. I don't deal with drama and exaggerated emotion very well. At all.

 

 

I have that kid. He's my oldest. I can't (don't have the time) to talk about it now, but one day I will. Often my Dh would tell me, it's not fair to the others that they be forgotten in Son's drama, and many times that DID happen. BUt I also reached deep down to give what I didn't have within me to the others.

 

I got through those years by the grace of God. I HAD nothing else to give, and he was bad, but he was no Adam Lanza, iykwim. I gave because I knew I had to, because I loved them, because I should, and because I knew that one day, Son would move out and it would be too late to try and connect with the others if I didn't.

 

YOU are not a bottomless well, however, you have a God who is.

[cathmom]

I mean, my kids are all here, but they're introverts, too, so our house is quiet.

 

 

How on earth did you manage that!?!!?!?

 

Of my 7, only one is a confirmed introvert, and then possibly my 4 yo. None of the others are! My oldest scores 100% extroverted! When he was five I still made him take naps so he would not be talking to me for at least an hour! It got better once he learned to read, though, because he liked to read.