Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Last summer Dh's mom met a guy and they moved in together after 6 weeks. Do you think we would be expected to buy him a gift? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I said yes. She's serious enough that she's living with him (still), so the time frame from meet-to-move-in doesn't matter much (to me). I'm more of a "here and now" person, than a "how did we get here" person. Which are you? That would best determine your decision, I think. I'd probably do a smaller token gift, or a couple's gift (even if I was still giving MIL something of her own). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Oh man. My mil has an almost live-in boyfriend. We do not buy him gifts, though we really like him. I voted kilts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Let me add this to the equation-DH's dad has a wife that we don't buy for because we only met her once and they've been married for several years. She doesn't come out to dinner when we visit or any of that. That is more why I am leaning toward not. If we don't buy for a wife, then why a boyfriend? But, the boyfriend seems a lot nicer than the wife. I don't know. A couple gift is a good idea. DH was leaning toward a really nice bird feeder or other garden item for his mom. Could that be a couple gift? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Have you not visited MIL since she moved in with this guy? So you're not sure if he's going to be as disinterested in you guys as is FIL's wife? (I wouldn't buy for that woman either, gem though she sounds.) If this is accurate, I say: first year ... give him a shot, buy a token gift or do a couple's gift instead of a personal-MIL gift. Less for him, and more as a token of acknowledgment (to MIL) that he's an important part of her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 A couple gift is a good idea. DH was leaning toward a really nice bird feeder or other garden item for his mom. Could that be a couple gift? They live together, so sure :) I'd count it as a couple's gift! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 If you like him and he is trying to be part of the family, buy him a gift, or do a combined gift for the happy couple. I don't think you need to treat him exactly the same way as your DH's dad's wife, because she has made it clear that she's not interested in having a relationship with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Have you not visited MIL since she moved in with this guy? No, we've only met him once. They live toward the middle of the country and we live in NC. It would definitely be different if he was a regular part of our lives. So you're not sure if he's going to be as disinterested in you guys as is FIL's wife? (I wouldn't buy for that woman either, gem though she sounds.) If this is accurate, I say: first year ... give him a shot, buy a token gift or do a couple's gift instead of a personal-MIL gift. Less for him, and more as a token of acknowledgment (to MIL) that he's an important part of her life. I am leaning toward couple's gift...maybe something they can both enjoy and a restaurant gift card or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 BTW, you can change your vote on polls now, isn't that cool? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 If you like him and he is trying to be part of the family, buy him a gift, or do a combined gift for the happy couple. Well...we met him once. We don't live there and in our nearly 20 years of marriage, MIL has visited us about 5 times (usually when I had just had a baby). So...hard to gauge how involved he might be, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 This really is a hard one. My in-laws have each been married 3 times. Mil is done with marriage and just has a boyfriend. We love him, but he is not officially living with mil (they're not Facebook official). We usually buy a couple gift for fil and wife #3 (because we love her). Mil? Since nothing is official, we just buy a gift for her and hang out with the boyfriend, showing him lots of love and acceptance. I'm not sure there is a Miss Manners rule on these types of situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 Wendi, my in-laws have also been married three times each. This is mostly tricky because he is so new and we aren't around them much. We were home this summer and met him shortly before they moved in together. I think a gift addressed to them both is the way to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Last summer Dh's mom met a guy and they moved in together after 6 weeks. Do you think we would be expected to buy him a gift? I'd play it safe and buy a gift that is for both of them. Yeah.... I'm a weenie that way. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I buy my mom and her husband and my dad and his wife big eating-type gifts, like cookie/cheese/meat/candy towers or maybe dinner gift certificates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Yes vote here. Buy a gift and err on the side of politeness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I think this depends. In my extended family, there is very little adult to adult gift giving. If that is how it is: no. If your family gives gifts to every adult of this closeness ratio, I'd say yes. Will it stand out if you don't? Everyone has something under the tree at a big gathering but him? It sounds like you aren't very excited about him. I was reading about the sad murder/suicide in WY and they called this full grown grey-bearded man's significant other his "live in girlfriend". They were mature adults with master's degrees, so guess I don't like the term. SO is much better, whether you room together or not. Heck, it can even apply to sexless Boston Marriages. So, is he a toy-boy or a serious commodity? Are they just-like-married (but don't want to jump into things legally too fast, or ruin a good pension/SS gig by remarrying)? Etc. I'd have to know so much more before answering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I voted yes, my mom has a boyfriend although not live in and we buy a gift for him if we are going to be in town for the holidays. He often picks up a little something for dd. if you don't really dislike the person, it isn't that hard to pick up a little something for them and it is Christmas. The couple gift is a good idea too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 The couple gift sounds like a perfect way around this dilemma! Let me add this to the equation-DH's dad has a wife that we don't buy for because we only met her once and they've been married for several years. She doesn't come out to dinner when we visit or any of that. That is more why I am leaning toward not. If we don't buy for a wife, then why a boyfriend? But, the boyfriend seems a lot nicer than the wife. I don't know. A couple gift is a good idea. DH was leaning toward a really nice bird feeder or other garden item for his mom. Could that be a couple gift? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I voted cupcakes and mean it literally. Or maybe cookies. Make him a nice tin of baked goods and candy. It is impersonal and there won't be a perceived slight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I'd go w/a couple gift. Not knowing the personalities involved, I'd err on the side of not upsetting anyone. If you *don't* acknowledge him at Christmas, MIL may feel hurt and that could cause problems in your relationship. A couple gift covers your bases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 I think this depends. In my extended family, there is very little adult to adult gift giving. If that is how it is: no. If your family gives gifts to every adult of this closeness ratio, I'd say yes. Will it stand out if you don't? Everyone has something under the tree at a big gathering but him? We won't be there and I don't know what her plans are? It sounds like you aren't very excited about him.<snip> So, is he a toy-boy or a serious commodity? Are they just-like-married (but don't want to jump into things legally too fast, or ruin a good pension/SS gig by remarrying)? Etc. Again, we aren't there, so I don't know. She has had several boyfriends that we met since her last husband passed away. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I don't necessarily feel invested than I am not excited. I voted yes, my mom has a boyfriend although not live in and we buy a gift for him if we are going to be in town for the holidays. He often picks up a little something for dd. if you don't really dislike the person, it isn't that hard to pick up a little something for them and it is Christmas. The couple gift is a good idea too. We aren't going to be in town. So it will involve picking something and shipping it with everything else. And we don't really know him at all, we have only met him once. I guess my problem is that I like to get people gifts that are personal and mean something. I guess I just need to get over it and figure out something for the two of them. It isn't that I don't like him; it's that we don't know him at all, really. Thanks, everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I think a couples bird feeder is a perfect gift. I would start putting both names on one present for each couple. Birthdays can be a time for a single gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I voted "kilts", but.... well, I would probably amend that to a token gift. Almond rocha. Or summer sausage. Or something like that. Or even cupcakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Small gift or gift for the house/couple. I don't think a gift would be "expected" but it would tacitly give your blessing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Agreed word for word with below :) If you like him and he is trying to be part of the family, buy him a gift, or do a combined gift for the happy couple. I don't think you need to treat him exactly the same way as your DH's dad's wife, because she has made it clear that she's not interested in having a relationship with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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