Christmas & in-laws/family

[Mommee & Baba]

How do you spend the holidays with your in-laws? Do they purchase what you suggest for your kids or something completely different?

 

We don't get to spend the holidays with my in-laws as they are across the U.S. I sure miss them though!

 

As far as gifting to the kids they are amazingly wonderful! Every year I'll tell them what they are into and maybe mention a thing or two. Now as they are older the things they want are pretty specific and I'll include pictures, links, model #'s, and names. They always come through every year! I'm so blessed to have in-laws like this!!!

 

This year they blew me and my dh away! My MIL is sending each of the kids $200 for us to spend on each of them for Christmas. AND my dh's Aunt has purchased the $90 remote control truck my 3.5ds wanted so bad! AND she has purchased each of my dd's their very FIRST American Girl doll!!!! Can you tell I'm so excited!!! :D OHHH how this year is really going to be so cheery! My kids are going to be squealing and bouncing up and down!

 

This helps dh & I focus on the yummy food and the other important aspects of the holiday with the kids. The stress of getting them the things they want isn't an issue anymore. I get to make the things I wanted and still know the kids will get the stuff they REALLY wanted too!

 

What about your own parents/family?

 

We don't spend the holiday's with my family just because we don't jive too well together.

 

As far as gifts nobody purchases for my kids on my side of the family besides my mother. I understand she has a tight budget. She'll spend $30 on 30 cheap toys instead of the 1 $30 toy my kids really wanted. She thinks the more the merrier. Last year my kids were very thankful but the toys she bought got put into our donation box that sits by the door within a month. They did this on their own without me mentioning anything. So I'd wish she'd just get them the 1 item they would play with a ton instead of alot of the dollar toys that break so easily. I've mentioned the knock off AG doll items from Walmart and Target that she could afford several of the shoes and cute little accessory kits. She said she'd rather get them something else like stuff they were into last year since they are cheaper this year. :glare:

 

I'm thankful that anyone thinks of our family and purchases stuff. It's truely a blessing to be thought of. So no matter the differences in the final outcome of gifts, we are all so grateful that our living room Christmas morning is covered in torn wrapping paper!

[Impish]

We don't spend Christmas w/anyone, usually.

 

I admit, I love it that way. I'm not at all thrilled w/the idea of Wolf's sibs potentially coming this yr...btwn the move, the pregnancy, etc, the idea of hosting anyone for Christmas makes me cringe. I need less on my plate, not more.

 

I love being in pjs all day, eating whatever, napping, taking it easy, nowhere to go, etc.

 

As far as gifts go, nothing from my mother.

MIL sends $20 for each kid, usually. This started after she sent mouldy toys one yr for Diva, and a brand new outfit for Tazzie...and a board book for Diva, w/instructions that she read it to Tazzie!

[TheReader]

Who we spend the day with varies depending on if we are here (Brazil, and thus just us) or there (US/generally TX, and thus, most likely my mom-in-law). When we do our TX trip in December, we do a fake-Christmas with my dad, then a Christmas-season-get-together with my mom and spend the actual day with my mom-in-law/sister-in-law.

 

As for gift giving -- mom-in-law is great at getting what the boys ask for. She asks for a list, we put a few things on it, and she buys from that as best as she possibly can. We adore her, she adores the boys, the boys adore her, and it all shows in the gifts.

 

My dad never asks for a list but sometimes asks for suggestions such as a category; since he remarried she doesn't ask at all and just gets what she feels will be appropriate. That has gone somewhat okay, and the boys are good gift-receivers whether or not they're truly enthused, so that is good. They try, and the boys enjoy the time spent with Dad and his family, so that's what matters.

 

My mom doesn't have the budget for much at all, so when she asks for ideas I try to suggest things that the boys will truly love but that don't cost much. She is pretty good at honoring those requests, or she'll ask me "would so & so like this, I thought it would be great" and I'll either confirm or not and she'll adjust as needed. This is more important as she's not the most fun to spend time with, at least for the boys, so she does try. Once we convinced her that she wasn't in competition with the other grandparents it actually improved.

[Lily_Grace]

We live a world away, so we spend holidays alone. :) I don't think I've ever asked for something for the kids - I've only said what they're interested in. The inlaws send cash and I buy something, wrap it up, and stick their names on it.

 

We keep holidays small. They're very relaxed, opening presents one at a time and hanging out all day watching movies in our pjs. Dinner is whatever we want it to be, since there are no expectations of a turkey or ham. It's so much nicer than when I was little and running around from place to place, all of them packed with people!

[Mommee & Baba]

Who we spend the day with varies depending on if we are here (Brazil, and thus just us) or there (US/generally TX, and thus, most likely my mom-in-law). When we do our TX trip in December, we do a fake-Christmas with my dad, then a Christmas-season-get-together with my mom and spend the actual day with my mom-in-law/sister-in-law.

 

As for gift giving -- mom-in-law is great at getting what the boys ask for. She asks for a list, we put a few things on it, and she buys from that as best as she possibly can. We adore her, she adores the boys, the boys adore her, and it all shows in the gifts.

 

My dad never asks for a list but sometimes asks for suggestions such as a category; since he remarried she doesn't ask at all and just gets what she feels will be appropriate. That has gone somewhat okay, and the boys are good gift-receivers whether or not they're truly enthused, so that is good. They try, and the boys enjoy the time spent with Dad and his family, so that's what matters.

 

My mom doesn't have the budget for much at all, so when she asks for ideas I try to suggest things that the boys will truly love but that don't cost much. She is pretty good at honoring those requests, or she'll ask me "would so & so like this, I thought it would be great" and I'll either confirm or not and she'll adjust as needed. This is more important as she's not the most fun to spend time with, at least for the boys, so she does try. Once we convinced her that she wasn't in competition with the other grandparents it actually improved.

 

My mother always feels this way. I tell her all the time it's not a competition. So I feel that's maybe why she thinks if the kids see she brings them MORE gifts she's the better grandparent. It's really sad actually for her to think this way. How'd you convince her??

 

I too suggest really affordable things the kids REALLY want. I'll suggest under $5 gifts and even certain $0.87 character cups they've mentioned they wanted from Walmart. She ignores all these suggestions and goes straight for the concept of the more the merrier. I'm tired of making suggestions to her now though.

 

I love that we can drink coffee all day if we wanted! Hang out in our jammies with morning hair! We get to snack all day long on the goodies. We have Christmas music on and will watch a Christmas family movie.

[jelbe5]

We live an hour from my family and three from in-laws. We rotate Thanksgiving and Christmas so this year Thanksgiving is with my family and Christmas with in-laws. Next year it will flip.

 

Gifts are usually $ these days. Our family decided we are going to take cash gifts and buy a membership to a museum. :D

[Angel]

We usually spend Christmas Day just with our family. My parents are here a few days before Christmas and stay through Christmas morning. We always try to get them to stay for Christmas Day, too, but my dad is a homebody and likes to get back. I'm an only child and very close to my parents. My children are extremely close to their grandparents. Mom and Dad will ask if the kids want anything specific and will usually get a mix of things they want plus things my mom picks up. The girls love it all. Sometimes my dad will give me money to shop for the girls for some "extras" from them and sometimes he just gives them extra money on Christmas day.

 

We get together with dh's family one day after Christmas. His family is not as close-knit as mine. Dh's dad calls before Christmas to ask what the kids want in the $50 range and then he will buy that for them. He likes specific :) The cousins draw names around Thanksgiving and buy one present for another cousin of around $15.

 

Growing up, our home was always bustling on Christmas Day. My huge extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) were always in and out all day long. I loved it that way!!!

[QueenCat]

My parents usually ask for suggestions, and usually give the boys things from the suggestions. My in-laws don't ask for suggestions so I don't give them suggestions (personally, I feel that is only appropriate if asked). They usually give money, gift cards and dvds.

[jujsky]

How do you spend the holidays with your in-laws? Do they purchase what you suggest for your kids or something completely different?

 

 

My MIL bugs me relentlessly for a list, then complains about what's on it. DS's list is almost always full of Legos so she complains that he already has too many. DD's list is always full of American Girl stuff, and she complains she has too much of that. Those are the toys they play with every day, and no, the ILs aren't hurting for money. She usually gets them some stuff off the list they would want, and then crappy presents they haven't asked for that no kid really wants like bed sheets or dictionaries. You know -- useful gifts, but things that definitely aren't fun. Last year they got DS a couple Lego sets he really wanted, and got DD American Girl stuff, but nothing on the extensive list MIL bugged me to put together for weeks. She spent a fair amount of money buying AG outfits, but none were what DD wanted, except for the cowgirl hat (but she didn't get her the cowgirl outfit to go with it, so it sat unused in a box for months until DD saved up enough to buy the outfit). MIL asked me to put stuff besides just AG stuff on her list last year, so I did. She wanted jewelry or gift cards from Claire's, flower clips for her hair, and craft projects. MIL didn't get her any of that -- just AG stuff DD DIDN'T want. The woman is weird! The kids put together their own lists this year, so I'm curious to see what happens. It's pretty much all Legos and all AG stuff, but DD did put down a couple of AG book series, so she'll probably get those at least.

 

My mom gets the kids what they want. She asks them for a list and goes partly off of that, partly off of things they've mentioned in passing. She has a better pulse on what they want than the ILs do and loves buying toys. She has a bunch of Lego sets and Skylander figures put away for DS, and Lego Friends sets, Polly Pockets, and Littlest Pet Shop animals set aside for DD. If she's not sure exactly what to get (as in the case with the Skylanders) she has me go shopping with her. We always go shopping on Black Friday together too.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Our holidays are quiet. It's my son's birthday on Christmas, so we do our family Christmas on Christmas Eve. We do birthday stuff Christmas morning. My mom shows up in the afternoon to do gifts with us. She spends less than $50 a person so it's usually 1-2 small gifts. I like that it's low key.

 

We don't do the inlaws for holidays anymore. They literally all live together on one street and we are outsiders. When we tried years ago to get together the week before and do family gifts it was awkward. They wanted to save gifts for real Christmas so only we were opening things and they had gifts from us. It was strange and when I heard the other grandkids were given computers and mine got yard sale used toys it was clear we aren't part of true family. After all, they saved the real presents for Christmas when we wouldn't be there. I don't want my kids knowing they aren't given the same thought as their cousins. Of course my ds figured it out this year :glare:

 

My dad does Thanksgiving with us.

 

I wish it could be different. I tried early on to house jump to see everyone over the holiday. It wore us out. Everyone was mad we didn't stay longer. Some complained they didn't get the same time as another family unit. Then we tried having them together. They don't get along, it was a huge disaster. My own parents couldn't do a meal together for the sake of grandkids. Both were remarried and still had issues being in the same room together....it's been 20+ years since the divorce people!:confused:

 

So it's us. We no longer travel to anyone on any holiday. People are welcome to come see us. So dad comes turkey day. My mom comes Christmas/ds birthday. And the inlaws never come. It's fine with me.

[itsheresomewhere]

If you ask my family, I am just mean and picky about what toys my kids get. I do not allow certain things as DS will break them and I do not want my DD having a entire makeup collection at 6. Instead some send cash but most send us cheap crap that they just pulled of a shelf without thought. Or my personal favorite was when they made a donation to their favorite charity in my name. Sounds great until you realize it was an organization that I do not support and can't stand. I called that organization and asked my name be removed from it and stated my beliefs. They could keep the donation but I didn't want my name associated with them.

 

We do not spend christmas with family just our family. I refuse to travel as we had to every christmas as a child. It was miserable to me and I dread the holidays as a child. If they wanted to visit us they could but they won't. My rules on what my kids can eat and not eat run them off:lol:. Endless soda, every meal fast food and forcing my vegetarian to eat stuff he won't touch are just evil:lol:.

 

My aunt on the other hand sends the most thoughtful gifts for the kids. She sends stuff for science and legos for DS. For DD, she hits the local used bookstore near her and send a box load to my reader. One christmas it was a collection of books with a pink theme, a feather boa, and a crown.

[Samiam]

IL's: My DH is an only child and his mother has always doted and spent lavishly on his Christmas's and now does the same for our children, her only grandchildren. She asks for a list starting Oct, which drives me bonkers, but once we get the list to her, she does pretty well going by the list and then adds in some things not on the list. DH and I decided several years ago we will not travel on Christmas...it's too much to bring, we can't "control" what happens when, etc, traveling with a large family at Christmas is expensive, and it's our turn to create family traditions for our children (plus my family is 20 hours away and IL's have been 6-14 hours away, depending on where we/they live at the time) so anyone is always welcome to come to our house for Christmas. IL's come every year. My parents have come one year out of 15 :glare:.

 

MIL's gifts at Christmas have always been a helpful bonus to us, as there were some years that we literally could not afford but a few small trinkets as DH was out of work or at a low paying get-us-by job.

 

My parents: As I mentioned, have come 1 year out of 15 years. As a matter of fact, if I want to speak with them at Christmas, I have to call them. (Frankly, I don't really care to speak with them at Christmas, to be honest, but I do call so I can tell myself that at least *I* do the right thing). My children were the only grandchildren up until this fall. My siblings are 28 and 31, so it's not as if my parents had their own young family during most of the 15 years. Christmas gifts vary year to year and we do not "expect" anything. One year my children got really great gifts (Mom had actually emailed me early in December for ideas, I gave her exactly three for each child and she got one for each, from exactly what I gave her). One year we got gifts 3 weeks AFTER Christmas. One year we got nothing. One year we each got $100 cash, yes all five of us. :confused: So ya just never know, and we never have expectations. I've realized my parents cause me much less strife and hurt if I just have NO expectations to bring with :). Perhaps you can tell, but it's just not a Christmas thing for me with my parents...it's an every day life thing.

[marbel]

My MIL bugs me relentlessly for a list, then complains about what's on it.

 

This sounds familiar! My MIL doesn't "get" our family, and specifically our kids, so she doesn't understand why they would want books (or Legos when they were younger) and why my 15 year old appreciates the new fleece pullover she gives him every year but isn't wowed by it. Basically, we are disappointments to my in-laws, even with regard to the kind of gifts we would like. So I do give a list, but I make it as easy as I can for her, though it doesn't help.

 

When my mom was alive, she gave me some money and asked me to shop for the kids. She couldn't get around much on her own. She was very good about giving of her time and interest in them, so they have great memories of her, even though she's been gone for about 10 years.

 

We used to alternate between my mom and my inlaws (my dad died before I was married). When she died, we alternated between my inlaws and staying home. The last few years the weather at Christmas has been a challenge, so we are planning to visit them for Thanksgiving this year instead. Christmas is so much better when we get to stay home.

 

They live a 12 hour drive away, by the way. So a visit takes planning, time, a kennel visit for the dog... and it's never fun. This year my kids are glad they'll have their iPods and NaNoWriMo projects to keep them busy during the endless hours of sitting around "visiting" with my inlaws, which means talking about college football (yawn) and neighbors past and present. Which reminds me, I need to get a needlework project together so I can at least keep my hands busy through the mind-numbing boredom...

[Joker]

My mom sends money for me to get a few things they really want, but she also shops for things for them because she likes to. Even if the things she buys herself are only used/played with a short time, everyone is happy.

 

My in-laws sometimes send something and sometimes don't. Dh always picks up something for both dds and keeps it in the garage in case his parents don't send anything. I really like my in-laws but they don't visit often and we never know if they will send something at holidays or birthdays. It's very different from my family and dh and I try not to let it bother us. They're good people, but they seem a bit disconnected from my dds and since we live so far away we can't really do much about it.

[Just Kate]

We live in the same town as my family, but my in-laws live across the country. My MIL kindly sends me money to purchase gifts for the kids (about $20 or $25 each). My mom and I are very close and we kind of work together on the kids' Christmas. I will figure out what they want and she will pick something "big" off of their list. She usually spends about $100 per kid.

 

We spend Christmas morning alone, but sometime on Christmas day my parents will come over to see the kids and to see what they got. We actually celebrate Christmas with my parents and my brother (and his family) the weekend before Christmas

[gardenmom5]

thanksgiving is dh's family. (it's not at my house this year. :thumbup: :thumbup::thumbup: can you tell I'm happy?:D ;). there really needs to be a happy dance smilie.)

 

we included my mom, as she really couldn't have gone to a siblings.

 

she also came to our house for christmas most years.

 

otherwise, christmas is just our family. None of my kids are married so they still come here for christmas. dd's roommate will probably also be here as her mother lives in another country.

 

eta: gifts? the grandmother's gave checks. the aunt who gave gifts . . . . well. not everyone is adept at gift giving. It's fun to have kids old enough to actually think about giving their siblings presents of their own volition.

Edited November 13, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Maela]

We live within a ten minute drive of both my parents and my in-laws.

 

Christmas Eve is spent with Dh's family. On Christmas Day, after we (the four of us) open up gifts on Christmas morning at our house, we go back to the in-laws for a fancy breakfast they do every year. Then we spend the rest of Christmas Day with my family.

 

Both grandmas start asking me in November for a list for each kid. I am more than happy to give them ideas. My only problem with the gift-giving is that it is SO MUCH. So much. It makes me sick to my stomach. But no one else seems to agree with me except Dh. And it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers me. So I just take deep breaths...

 

We don't get our kids much. They get a couple of small, fun things in their stockings, and a couple of regular gifts each. This year we're getting them a starter set of the smaller size Legos. Maybe a couple of books/puzzles.

 

We have the kids get rid of a few toys in the couple of months leading up to Christmas. That reminds me...

[BrookValley.]

If you ask my family, I am just mean and picky about what toys my kids get. <snip> My aunt on the other hand sends the most thoughtful gifts for the kids. She sends stuff for science and legos for DS. For DD, she hits the local used bookstore near her and send a box load to my reader. One christmas it was a collection of books with a pink theme, a feather boa, and a crown.

 

Oh, the aunt sounds awesome! I love the themed book gift!

 

Yes, according to my mother, I am "ruining my son's childhood." :lol: Because I wouldn't let her buy him a real ATV at 4, and because I don't want a ginormous orthopedic catastrophe (aka, huge trampoline) in my backyard...and so on and so forth. I love my mother a whole bunch and so does my kiddo, but she just cannot wrap her brain around the fact that bigger is not better (and that his childhood is just fine, thankyouverymuch).

 

My mother lives on the property with us, so we spend Christmas morning together with her. She usually buys some stuff off my list, and then scrambles around a few days before Christmas to buy a bunch of obnoxious plastic crap that I end up throwing away. She just can't stand not to have 50 zillion boxes under the tree. I don't get it, but I'm trying to relax about it. A little. I still have my limits. This year I have already started the dialog about how she does NOT have to spend hundreds of dollars--and actually, we'd prefer she didn't--for anyone to have an awesome Christmas. However, I am already dreading the inevitable arguments about how I ruin everything (her words) and the influx of crap into the toy area, most of which might get played with once before it breaks or gets forgotten. I shared my list for the kiddo with her a couple weeks ago. I have some Legos, some Zoobs, some Playmobil, a couple board games, and a MINI indoor trampoline on it. She huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes about how it was "all the same stuff" and didn't include "anything exciting or fun." :001_huh:

 

We also see my in-laws on Christmas day, usually in the afternoon. They are usually pretty good about gifts. They make an honest effort to respect our wishes with regard to those things that we simply don't want in our house. They always ask for our list, but somehow fail to interpret it. They like to get some fun stuff, some books, and some clothes. I think this is great--but they ask for specifics and then miss the mark. I don't care if they don't stick to the list, but it's weird. Why ask for it? It's like they thought they were sticking to the list. Like the time a couple years ago when my MIL asked for my book list and when I gave it to her I mentioned that we would be using a lot of these books for school (we homeschool and there's no confusion over that fact). So instead of buying any of the books on my list, she bought a Scholastic school-themed book pack. So, all kinds of stories about how awesome school was and riding the bus and missing your momma and whatnot. :confused: They also usually buy clothes in the wrong size, even though I get a zillion texts and phone calls about what size this or that during the heat of Christmas shopping. But they try. I'm not really complaining. ;)

[TheReader]

My mother always feels this way. I tell her all the time it's not a competition. So I feel that's maybe why she thinks if the kids see she brings them MORE gifts she's the better grandparent. It's really sad actually for her to think this way. How'd you convince her??

 

I too suggest really affordable things the kids REALLY want. I'll suggest under $5 gifts and even certain $0.87 character cups they've mentioned they wanted from Walmart. She ignores all these suggestions and goes straight for the concept of the more the merrier. I'm tired of making suggestions to her now though.

 

I love that we can drink coffee all day if we wanted! Hang out in our jammies with morning hair! We get to snack all day long on the goodies. We have Christmas music on and will watch a Christmas family movie.

 

Honestly? It took my mom-in-law toning down her gift giving before my mom stopped competing. When it was just my oldest son, it was terrible -- he was the 1st grandchild for my in-laws, and they were very financially stable, and so his very first Christmas (as a 3 month old baby, mind you, and my sis-in-law still lived at home) he got DOUBLE the number of gifts of any of the rest of us, including their dd who was a high school junior. And thus the stage was set, and my mom tried to keep up.

 

Finally things changed and everyone toned things down, and mom finally settled into getting what they WANT and will LOVE rather than loading them with junk.

 

One thing that helped is that we give gifts that way, too, choosing what one thing/few things will truly matter/mean something vs. quantity. I just kept restating it to her -- quality over quantity -- and tried to assure her that these items we were requesting for the boys were things that they were unlikely to get otherwise, but would be cherished, and talk about how they love xyz that she gave them in the past, etc. Eventually she got the message, but we've been working on it for 15 yrs now....

[fairfarmhand]

We usually make a family run in the weeks before or after Christmas. But years ago, I put my foot DOWN about being away from my house on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. After 2-3 Christmases dragging a baby to (no exaggeration) SEVEN Christmas celebrations within 3-4 days, I was DONE!

 

They can have their parties whenever they want, I will come by when I can. If we make it when all the aunts, cousins, cousins kids, etc. are there, great, if not. TOO BAD. If I don't see my aunts, uncles and cousins for a couple years, that's not the end of the world. When dh's and my grandparents were living, we'd go by and see them, my parents, and his parents.

 

Now we see my dad and stepmom and dh's family the week before or the week after Christmas. We stay home the day of. I love it.

 

As far as gifts, my side of the family loves Amazon wish lists. It gives them ideas for gifts, even if they don't by from it. Dh's mom has 10 grandkids to buy for, so the gifts aren't spectacular, but she's toned down the Dollar Store stuff as the family has grown. She does attempt to get everyone something that they are interested in. Last year was the first year that we had all the cousins (my kids' cousins) draw names and exchange gifts to lessen the glut of junk at the holidays.

[LifeLovePassion]

Our dynamics are much like the OP. We have the only grandkids on both sides. The in-laws will get gifts that we need/the kids want. Some is fun, some is practical too, like new sleeping bags for camping. It's nice they help out with the practical side too. Honestly my kids have more toys than they could need due to being the only grandkids. They spend about $100 per kid. My parents can't do that financially so they try to keep up by buying lots of junk toys instead to have quantity. I offer low price suggestions which go largely ignored. Even items from Michaels/JoAnns to buy with a coupon, sad since my girls LOVE art.

 

As far as when we celebrate, Christmas Eve and day are reserved for us, we pick other days for the other family gatherings to spread it out and not run ourselved ragged, again since we have the only grandkids everyone wants to see them. It's much more relaxed for us. My mom has had a hard time adapting to that though since both my brothers are single and can always make it home on a holiday.

[LucyStoner]

Thanksgiving is spent with the family we chose- friends rather than relatives.

 

Christmas is usually my older brother and his family plus some friends at our place.

 

My dad is welcome at either and he alternates between me and my brothers.

 

My MIL lives far and usually works the holidays (nursing) which given her senority is really kind of her- she wants he younger colleagues to get to be home with their little children. She usually asks for ideas for the kids and is more than generous towards our family. We see them (she is remarried) near Christmas often and then we will exchange gifts in person. If we don't, we each mail everything. Last year she got older older son a very nice microscope set and my younger son a huge Cars branded race set which he was over the moon for.

 

My father is extremely low income and usually gives the kids each $5 which is perfect for them and his circumstances.

 

My mother and FIL have died.

Edited November 13, 2012 by kijipt

[Mommee & Baba]

We usually spend Christmas Day just with our family. My parents are here a few days before Christmas and stay through Christmas morning. We always try to get them to stay for Christmas Day, too, but my dad is a homebody and likes to get back. I'm an only child and very close to my parents. My children are extremely close to their grandparents. Mom and Dad will ask if the kids want anything specific and will usually get a mix of things they want plus things my mom picks up. The girls love it all. Sometimes my dad will give me money to shop for the girls for some "extras" from them and sometimes he just gives them extra money on Christmas day.

 

We get together with dh's family one day after Christmas. His family is not as close-knit as mine. Dh's dad calls before Christmas to ask what the kids want in the $50 range and then he will buy that for them. He likes specific :) The cousins draw names around Thanksgiving and buy one present for another cousin of around $15.

 

Growing up, our home was always bustling on Christmas Day. My huge extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles) were always in and out all day long. I loved it that way!!!

 

This is how our holiday's were growing up. I miss it being this way. It's really scary to even think of doing that now with how all my family has turned out. My dh & I are the "odd" couple in the family with "morals"....:001_huh: I really wished for so long that my family would turn around. I hosted the holidays for 4 years until I finally had to call it quits. The holidays turned into stressful events that I couldn't wait to have over with. Now I count down the days to the holiday so I can wake up to the kids bouncing on the bed and squealing to get the day started! I just LOVE it now with just dh and the kids!:D

 

We live within a ten minute drive of both my parents and my in-laws.

 

Christmas Eve is spent with Dh's family. On Christmas Day, after we (the four of us) open up gifts on Christmas morning at our house, we go back to the in-laws for a fancy breakfast they do every year. Then we spend the rest of Christmas Day with my family.

 

Both grandmas start asking me in November for a list for each kid. I am more than happy to give them ideas. My only problem with the gift-giving is that it is SO MUCH. So much. It makes me sick to my stomach. But no one else seems to agree with me except Dh. And it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers me. So I just take deep breaths...

 

We don't get our kids much. They get a couple of small, fun things in their stockings, and a couple of regular gifts each. This year we're getting them a starter set of the smaller size Legos. Maybe a couple of books/puzzles.

 

We have the kids get rid of a few toys in the couple of months leading up to Christmas. That reminds me...

 

That reminds me too......:001_huh:

 

Honestly? It took my mom-in-law toning down her gift giving before my mom stopped competing. When it was just my oldest son, it was terrible -- he was the 1st grandchild for my in-laws, and they were very financially stable, and so his very first Christmas (as a 3 month old baby, mind you, and my sis-in-law still lived at home) he got DOUBLE the number of gifts of any of the rest of us, including their dd who was a high school junior. And thus the stage was set, and my mom tried to keep up.

 

I'm so glad you don't have to deal with it anymore! :) Many that don't have to deal with that sort of thing haven't any idea the stress it brings.

 

Our dynamics are much like the OP. We have the only grandkids on both sides. The in-laws will get gifts that we need/the kids want. Some is fun, some is practical too, like new sleeping bags for camping. It's nice they help out with the practical side too. Honestly my kids have more toys than they could need due to being the only grandkids. They spend about $100 per kid. My parents can't do that financially so they try to keep up by buying lots of junk toys instead to have quantity. I offer low price suggestions which go largely ignored. Even items from Michaels/JoAnns to buy with a coupon, sad since my girls LOVE art.

 

As far as when we celebrate, Christmas Eve and day are reserved for us, we pick other days for the other family gatherings to spread it out and not run ourselved ragged, again since we have the only grandkids everyone wants to see them. It's much more relaxed for us. My mom has had a hard time adapting to that though since both my brothers are single and can always make it home on a holiday.

 

This is the part that just gets me everytime. I would rather her get my kids nothing and just come over and bake cookies with them. Quality time isn't something she has ever been good at. Not as a mother and not as a grandmother. I think that's why I miss my in-laws so much!

Edited November 14, 2012 by mamaofblessings

[Evergreen State Sue]

Treasure the fact that your children have grandparents to spend any kind of money on them or or gift with even cheap toys. My children lost their grandparents at age 8 and 9. You look at things differently when that happens. You wish like anything you could just have them with you, not their gifts for your children.

[JeneralMom]

We are always alone. back when we lived in the US, my mom often came down in November when DH had long out of town meetings, so we would go shopping. If she didn't come down she would send cash for me to get something. My Dad has never bought my kids a present. He just doesn't think of it. He never really bought us anything either.

 

My brother sometimes sneds things, sometimes not. When he does it is usually my SIL and she orders something wonderful from a Waldorf-type catalog and has it sent.

 

DH oldest brother likes to either make things or send clothes. His sister tends to send plastic dollar store stuff sometime in April.

 

Now the crazy thing is, DH's other brother is a big, huge jolly guy with a balding head and huge white beard who actually looks like Santa. He is single, in his 50s, doesn't have a significant other, but every year seems to buy the absolutely perfect gift for everyone (including me and I am notoriously hard to shop for). It is uncanny. He never askes for ideas, just asks for sizes in case he buys clothing. Usually he sends books for everyone to share and then a piece of clothing and and individual gift tailored to the receiver. I've taken to referring to him as Uncle Claus.

[Mommee & Baba]

We are always alone. back when we lived in the US, my mom often came down in November when DH had long out of town meetings, so we would go shopping. If she didn't come down she would send cash for me to get something. My Dad has never bought my kids a present. He just doesn't think of it. He never really bought us anything either.

 

My brother sometimes sneds things, sometimes not. When he does it is usually my SIL and she orders something wonderful from a Waldorf-type catalog and has it sent.

 

DH oldest brother likes to either make things or send clothes. His sister tends to send plastic dollar store stuff sometime in April.

 

Now the crazy thing is, DH's other brother is a big, huge jolly guy with a balding head and huge white beard who actually looks like Santa. He is single, in his 50s, doesn't have a significant other, but every year seems to buy the absolutely perfect gift for everyone (including me and I am notoriously hard to shop for). It is uncanny. He never askes for ideas, just asks for sizes in case he buys clothing. Usually he sends books for everyone to share and then a piece of clothing and and individual gift tailored to the receiver. I've taken to referring to him as Uncle Claus.

 

So neat! :D