AngelaNYC Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Please forgive the following ramble. I am so bothered by something and it happens again and again. My kids tend to get blamed and punished for things that they either didn't do, or did with no bad intentions. There are 4 things that have happened over the years: 1. Dd was blamed for making a girl cry right before she went on stage to dance. Dd nor I had any knowledge of what was going on, but the mom told every other mom and the dance studio owner that my dd made her dd cry - but never said anything to me. I didn't find out about all of it until days later. I found out it was a lie created by the mom's friend because of jealousy. I still can't prove anything. Nothing ever came of it, but I was so angry I never spoke to them again. 2. Ds is in my step-sister's pool with BIL's nephew who is the same age. The kid splashes and kicks my son. My son never gets upset or mad by things like this and he never tattles. But he did kick the kid back. I saw the whole thing. The kid freaked out, screamed, and cried for an hour. The kid's mom (who once admitted that her son has anger issues) got so upset, "spoke" to my step-sister and BIL, and we haven't been invited back there again (we always went there at least 2x a year for her kids' birthday parties). It's been over 2 years now. (she'll never admit the pool issue is the reason, btw) :confused: 3. Ds began a month-long group activity. After a couple of days, there's a new kid who seemed shy and lonely. Ds felt bad and invited him into his group of friends. He went over, put his arm around the kid's shoulders, and led him to the group. The kid proceeds to yell OW OW OW. I was called to pick up my son and not bring him back. :confused: 4. Dd was part of a big dance event this week. She posted a picture on Instagram. That night at dinner with the whole group, the studio owner asked the kids to not post any pictures of the event on any social media site. Dd told the SO she had one up already, was told to remove it, then she removed the picture from the site immediately (it couldn't have been on there more than a few hours). It seems someone said they saw "a pic of the event" on FB - the day after dd removed the one she posted. The SO is convinced it had to be dd's pic that was seen, even though it wasn't up anymore. I saw dd remove it the night before. Now the SO says she will not tolerate this kind of defiance and suspended dd. :confused: I have no idea how to handle these things. I do speak up, but I feel they just think I'm a crazy mom who thinks her kids do no wrong. The fact that I dwell on these for years is killing me. I feel nothing is ever resolved and my kids are always the ones who look at fault. What can I do to better stand up for my kids instead of pretending to ignore it and inwardly seethe and dwell on it angrily for a long time? I hate not knowing how to approach issues. The kids get so hurt and sad. Bottom line: I'm not good at confronting people without definitive evidence that I'm right. UGH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I am so bothered by something and it happens again and again. My kids tend to get blamed and punished for things that they either didn't do, or did with no bad intentions. :grouphug: Welcome to my life. #2 is a frequent one for me. Everything's cool as long as mine are the ones getting a pounding. But OMG, if they stick up for themselves or banter back they are immediately labeled the problem kid. URGH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: We go through the same type of thing here too. My kid is labled the bad kid and because I stick up for her, I'm a bad parent. They just will not see the other side of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: Welcome to my life. #2 is a frequent one for me. Everything's cool as long as mine are the ones getting a pounding. But OMG, if they stick up for themselves or banter back they are immediately labeled the problem kid. URGH! Isn't that annoying?! UGH! So this doesn't happen to me for some reason, but there is this 10 year old girl who is very loud. It's just her personality. It doesn't matter what is going on it is her fault. Often my kids end up coming to me, saying what happened, and I have to go advocate. Her mom doesn't really know what to do because she's always getting reamed by a neighbor or something. My kids are chronic truth tellers. Especially DS. He is incapable of telling any un truths even if it offends. Though we are working on the last part LOL. I have seen this poor girl get totally chewed out and go home bawling. And she has even turned herSELF in on occasion so I don't think she lies. It's like everyone has decided "oh, we will just pick her and then all the kids can do what they want.":glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: I regret to say that I think this is life, if you're involved in any activity outside of your own home. BTDT personally more than once. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: I regret to say that I think this is life, if you're involved in any activity outside of your own home. BTDT personally more than once. :glare: :iagree:It's happened to both my boys more than once. Super frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted July 29, 2012 Author Share Posted July 29, 2012 When these things happen, I just feel like the wind gets knocked out of me and I stand there flabbergasted, confused, and hurt. Then when I find out the real story (usually days later for some reason), I'm pissed beyond belief, but still have no tangible proof to show the accusing party. So I leave it. I hate that about myself. It's not until months or years later (because of course, I keep rehashing it) that I think of what I should have said or done. I need to know what to say at that moment. I'm no good at being caught off guard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Because my DS is a really tall, red-haired Aspie, he's a walking target. I've been on the ugly end of this more often than I care to admit. I have fewer problems with DD, but it still happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 My kids are the targets of many rumors and pay the price. Most recently was someone on my step because his little girl claimed ds8 pulled a knife on her. He was 2 hours away and had been for weeks. Ds13 has been blamed for robberies, break in's and fires in town. There was some vandalism on Canada day he was blamed for even though he was in another city 5 hours away. There have been incidents like the pool one too. We were at a homeschool gathering. A group of the kids started a mud fight. Mine joined in. Apparently ds8 then 6 took a handle full of mud from an off limits area, and ds13 then 11 threw some at someone who didn't want to join in. They were tattled on and not only have we not been invited back to that house, but we were told never to come to any further homeschool activities regardless of location, though they still send me the invites. Both boys did not intend harm. Another time we were with another homeschool family, the mom and I were visiting upstairs, her older kids were supposed to be watching/playing with mine. Her 16 yr old dd punched ds in the face and told him he couldn't get off the couch the whole visit. He pushed past her to come get me, and she told her parents that ds attacked her and his nose got hurt when she fought him off. My other kids told them she was lieing but her dad flipped that my ds would lay a finger on her and kicked us out of the house. We were told to never have contact with them again. Or ds8 being the target of the scoutmasters rants, when 9/10 what he did barely required a reminder of behaviour. In that case calling the leader out on it made him open his eyes to the inequality and blaming he was committing and teaching the others to do. It has almost become a habit of scapegoating my kids. It is hurtful, and speaking up for them doesn't always work. In the case of an organization, such as dance I go to the owner/director above the instructor and file a greivance. I don't care if they think I am over stepping, I won't let my kids be sandbagged for something they didn't do. In the case of other families I avoid them, I have tried to talk to a few in the beginning, but they have it in their heads their perfect kids are just innocent victims of my evil crew. For the rumors of criminal activity I have involved police and threatened a civil suit. None of your experiences are that severe yet from what I can tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Yep, happens all the time. My son is a very active boy who doesn't always talk clearly and says things that others don't understand all the time. Once people know him (which happens the first time we are at any event) he's automatically the trouble maker. He's not a mean kid but he does have impulse control and personal space problems which we are working on. I guess the fact that I remember both incidents in detail tells a little of the impact they had on me at the time. :crying: The first happened at the end of homeschool gymnastics. The kids were getting their shoes on getting ready to leave. This was winter and there was a girl who had one of those hats that looks like an animal and has really long ties that dangle down. DS had his shoes on and went up to her and swatted a hand at one of the ties. I was standing there looking at what happened. I had him apologize, told him he wasn't to touch other people's stuff. The girl was older (about 10 to his 6) and just stood there looking at him. So, we finished getting ready, I got the kids coats on and we left. The mom came after me in the parking lot and said something about "your son hit my daughter". Since we were in the middle of the parking lot with cars all over the place, I just responded with something like "I saw what happened, he apologized and he will be punished". And we left. The next week she came up to me during class, went off about my son "pummeling her daughter" that her daughter was crying the whole way home, had a bruise, that her younger daughter than talked about how ds was always mean to her. She told me ds shouldn't be allowed around other kids if he couldn't handle it and I needed to protect other kids from him. I asked her if she saw what happened, because I did, but she said "no, but my daughter doesn't lie". Her daughter wasn't crying and didn't even flinch when it happened, stood there while ds apologized, wasn't crying when they followed us into the parking lot but cried with pain the whole way home, supposedly. :confused: I was so shocked and upset at the confrontation that I was on the verge of crying, this woman complained to the owner of the gym (who was ds's teacher). The teacher handled it wonderfully - she was better with ds than any other adult outside of family and gymnastics was a wonderful experience for him. The second incident was at homeschool bowling. First thing I knew was some mother was yelling at me to keep ds away from her son (who was I think 12 years old), that her son was crying. I found out from ds and another boy who heard what happened that ds had said to the kid "you eat too much chicken". The kids was overweight, got upset and started crying. It made no sense to me because ds has NEVER made fun of anyone for being overweight, the chicken comment made no sense (ds doesn't eat chicken) and I was totally confused. By talking about it with both ds and the other boy, I finally figured out what happened. The kids was wearing a shirt that said "Eat more Kale" in the style of the "Eat more Chik'en" shirt. Ds had seen commercials for Chik-fil-a, thought the shirt said 'Eat more chicken" since he didn't recognize the word Kale and was just working on reading so his comment was in response to the shirt. I later found out that this kid was notorious in the homeschool groups for starting trouble and when kids respond he would run to his mom and get them in trouble. So, I spent the next few weeks keeping ds away from him until they ended up covertly kicking another kid (gifted with definite overexcitabilities) off their team and then left bowling completely. I also had an adult tell me on the playground that ds had hit her but the lady, her kid and ds had been playing tag so I'm not sure why all of sudden tagging wasn't okay. I watch ds very very closely because I know he doesn't always read social cues correctly. I know he's not perfect and I'm not usually one to automatically jump to his defense but when I SAW what happened.... A few times I've had the urge to just never go out of the house again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 When these things happen, I just feel like the wind gets knocked out of me and I stand there flabbergasted, confused, and hurt. Then when I find out the real story (usually days later for some reason), I'm pissed beyond belief, but still have no tangible proof to show the accusing party. So I leave it. I hate that about myself. It's not until months or years later (because of course, I keep rehashing it) that I think of what I should have said or done. I need to know what to say at that moment. I'm no good at being caught off guard. Can you tell the other party something along the lines of, "I don't understand the situation. I'd like to take a day and get all sides of the story then revisit it with you. I don't want to leave things unresolved, but right now I don't think I'm informed enough to have a discussion about it." This way, you're not heated and confrontational. They can also get "their story straight". And, if it turns out that either party wants to drop it and decides that it really isn't a big deal, that's fine, too. This past week, another TKD mom and I were talking. I mentioned having some behavioral problems with my 12yo and I felt that it was linked to a new show he'd been watching so we were taking steps to correct the behavior. She mentioned that my dss (both of them) may have teased her son about not being able to watch the show. Now, her son does have a persecution complex and she is well aware of it which is why she didn't bring it up before. But I grilled my kids! By the responses they gave and the looks of bewilderment on their faces, it was really a case of misunderstanding. No bullying or teasing took place, but they also excluded the boy from the conversation. So, we went over how to include everyone in conversations while still talking about interesting things. I saw the mom a couple days later and brought it up and explained my kids' take on what happened and took partial blame and told her what steps we were taking to include her ds. I think we were both fine with the outcome. I know it's difficult to let things go. There are a couple instances like you describe that I hang on to. But while I was reading your story, I realized that I no longer have any emotions tied to them. That's a good thing! One in particular was at a b-day party and my then 8 yo was picked up and shaken by an adult male while he was playing out of sight in a playroom. It was a friend of the host who is one of my best friends. This ds tended to be a cryer and our way of dealing with it is to immediately leave the situaton. We did, only to be told the whole story by his younger brother in the car. We didn't turn back which I deeply regret because now we have never had closure. I did call my friend and tell her. But nothing came of it. My ds had nightmares for weeks and was afraid of men for awhile. We do see them from time to time and other bday parties but I never speak to them and both boys know not to go near them or their children. It never was resolved but we gained back ds's trust that we will protect him and I let go of my guilt for not having been in the room with him. But it has taken awhile to get there and I've been working hard on putting down old grievances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I do feel like this happens to my kids more then my friends kids. However, if I asked them I suspect they would say it happens to theirs more then mine. Perception is reality and I think as a species we can be a little hyper-focused on our stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 A few times I've had the urge to just never go out of the house again. I was this way with my now-11 year old, and am back here again with my 4 year old. It's bad enough that I have to be vigilant and intervene whenever my kid overdoes it (which is always!) but it really kicks me in the gut when another adult gets mean about it. I am handling it. I am trying to teach him. Being mean is not going to help anything. My father is the worst about this, by the way, but it happens everywhere. If there are other kids at the playground, I am right there shadowing my son because he plays rough and doesn't know how to tone it down when there are toddlers or babies. The moment he blocks the slide or waves his hands in a kid's face, I address it. Most of the time other parents let me handle it, but whenever some adults take it personally that my son bumped into their kid as he ran past, or that he shrieked, and get mad at him, it makes me want to swear off society. A couple of days ago I took the kids to an outdoor market. DS was actually being VERY good, but of course was dancing, talking non-stop, and otherwise acting hyper. He wanted to touch some jewelry that was inside a display, and reached his hand into it. I told him to stop, that it's just for looking, and the guy working at the booth grabbed his arm and glared at him. I immediately took DS out of the booth but was upset that this guy grabbed my kid and gave him nasty looks while I was right there. It's not like it was breakable or dangerous; the guy just felt territorial. Even if 90% of people are gracious and tolerant, that 10% that gets upset about my kid's behavior (the stuff I KNOW he can't control) is enough to discourage me. The really sucky part about all of this is that my kids need MORE exposure to other kids and situations in order to learn how to function. I am beginning to think it's not worth it until my youngest can be medicated. It's not just him that's not ready for society, but society that's not ready for him. I often think that these people who are so intolerant of hyperactive/impulsive behavior are the same people who don't believe that ADHD exists and that these kids are just badly parented. Adults who have experience with ADHD or aspergers have been much more kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I'm just so glad to hear that you are sticking up for your kids. I grew up knowing there was no point trying to put my side across because there was no way my parents would support / believe me at all. It's probably the thing that caused the most damage to my relationship with my mother - I was always wrong, it was always my fault and they would always assume the worst / support the other side. My mother's stock response if I mentioned anything was "and what did you do to make that happen" - and never believed that the answer was "all I did was turn up". So please, keep looking for both sides of the story and stand up for your kids when they need you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: Welcome to my life. #2 is a frequent one for me. Everything's cool as long as mine are the ones getting a pounding. But OMG, if they stick up for themselves or banter back they are immediately labeled the problem kid. URGH! :iagree: Because my DS is a really tall, red-haired Aspie, he's a walking target. I've been on the ugly end of this more often than I care to admit. I have fewer problems with DD, but it still happens. While my tall, red-haired boy isn't aspie, he does march to the beat of a different drummer than most. He is targeted at every social event we go to. I'm constantly defending him or pulling him out of stuff. The only exception is ice hockey - he fits in just fine there. Anyway, just last week I had the summer camp teacher tell me that "all of the kids had an off day". She tells me that one of the other teachers told her my boys are homeschooled..she tutors homeschool kids sometimes..."some of the students I tutor have difficulty expressing themselves appropriately". So...add "homeschooling" to the mix, and suddenly my boys are put under a microscope. It happens EVERY. TIME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I've been on all sides of this issue. I've had my dc accused of something they did not do. I've been the mom approaching another parent regarding something their dc did (which I saw with my own eyes) and stood their dumbfounded as the "not my child" attitude presented itself. And I've been on the incredibly embarassing side of being told my dc did something, defending my dc, then finding out later that oh yes, they most definitely did it (and to top it all off, they even told the other dc to not tell their mom!). I have no great input aside from agreeing with this: Can you tell the other party something along the lines of, "I don't understand the situation. I'd like to take a day and get all sides of the story then revisit it with you. I don't want to leave things unresolved, but right now I don't think I'm informed enough to have a discussion about it." I've learned to not say anything to parents, even ones who are friends, because most parents do not believe what I say (or what my dc say as witnesses). They offer every excuse or outright turn things on me/my dc and say we are lying. It's not worth the effort any more. I've learned to not defend my dc, at least not openly or right away. I take time to find out what happened from as many sources as possible. I've learned in many situations to be right there, eyes on everyone, so as to know myself what happened and be ready to deal with it. With certain people with whom their have been issues in the past I figure it's worth my effort and protects my dc from false blame. And, last of all, I have gotten to the point of avoiding some situations/families/dc entirely. Again, no activity is worth the conflict or heartache that can come from false accusations so more often than not we just stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 :grouphug: Welcome to my life. #2 is a frequent one for me. Everything's cool as long as mine are the ones getting a pounding. But OMG, if they stick up for themselves or banter back they are immediately labeled the problem kid. URGH! :iagree::iagree: And when I found out my dd was being bullied at swim team....SHE was the one who was ostracized and in trouble from the other kids moms and coaches:glare: when I pulled her off the team.....they were all surprised:001_huh: I am still hurting from that experience...almost as much, if not more than dd....sigh. We have had other experiences like this including one time where dd protected her younger sister from a boy who was twice their size, and several years older. He tried to get my younger dd to do things big boys should not ask little girls to do...and older daughter beat the tar out of him with a stick!:D. I was proud of her....but HIS mother would not believe it and told everyone in our homeschool group what wild children my kids were and we were ostracized from that group as well. I am now very careful who we hang out with and what groups we get involved with. It is tiring and hurtful..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 This describes my youngest to a tee:grouphug::grouphug: Honestly, it was so hard just to leave the house....and other parents would think they had a right to discipline my son while I was standing right there! I really was trying to teach him and it would throw everything into a tailspin! He is now 8 and things are MUCH better....but oh, what a hard few years we had! :grouphug: I was this way with my now-11 year old, and am back here again with my 4 year old. It's bad enough that I have to be vigilant and intervene whenever my kid overdoes it (which is always!) but it really kicks me in the gut when another adult gets mean about it. I am handling it. I am trying to teach him. Being mean is not going to help anything. My father is the worst about this, by the way, but it happens everywhere. If there are other kids at the playground, I am right there shadowing my son because he plays rough and doesn't know how to tone it down when there are toddlers or babies. The moment he blocks the slide or waves his hands in a kid's face, I address it. Most of the time other parents let me handle it, but whenever some adults take it personally that my son bumped into their kid as he ran past, or that he shrieked, and get mad at him, it makes me want to swear off society. A couple of days ago I took the kids to an outdoor market. DS was actually being VERY good, but of course was dancing, talking non-stop, and otherwise acting hyper. He wanted to touch some jewelry that was inside a display, and reached his hand into it. I told him to stop, that it's just for looking, and the guy working at the booth grabbed his arm and glared at him. I immediately took DS out of the booth but was upset that this guy grabbed my kid and gave him nasty looks while I was right there. It's not like it was breakable or dangerous; the guy just felt territorial. Even if 90% of people are gracious and tolerant, that 10% that gets upset about my kid's behavior (the stuff I KNOW he can't control) is enough to discourage me. The really sucky part about all of this is that my kids need MORE exposure to other kids and situations in order to learn how to function. I am beginning to think it's not worth it until my youngest can be medicated. It's not just him that's not ready for society, but society that's not ready for him. I often think that these people who are so intolerant of hyperactive/impulsive behavior are the same people who don't believe that ADHD exists and that these kids are just badly parented. Adults who have experience with ADHD or aspergers have been much more kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 (edited) I suspect many (most?) parents feel their kid is falsely accused a lot, but it sure seems to happen to my DS all the time! I sometimes feel like I'm hovering or overprotective, but I don't want him getting an undeserved reputation as a bully. He's already very big for his age and thus gets cut very little slack by both kids and adults who forget (or don't know) he's not quite 3 and want him to act like he's 4 or 5. He's just now starting to be articulate enough to tell me some of what happens, but I need to be nearby to advocate for him and coach him with other kids. Very verbal little girls can be a big pain because they can lie so convincingly while he stands there grinning obliviously. My MIL describes my DH as a child as being a giant, innocent playful puppy dog. He was the tallest kid around, so not only did other boys pick on him to try to prove themselves, but adults were ready to believe that the "big boy" (who was usually younger than his tormentors) was causing trouble. DS is the same way. A lot of typical preschool development things like hugging too hard, pushing someone over while playing tag (because is he is the size of a 4-year-old with the brain of a 2-year-old), "hip checking" a smaller (but peer or maybe older!) kid while walking by, etc. are often treated as malicious acts by other adults. I think people sweat too much of the physical small stuff with little ones and need to just step back unless there is real injury or intent to harm. I feel like I have to spend too much time apologizing for normal physical development. Part of the problem is that there is a family whose 2 kids (who are about a year older and younger than him) constantly make stuff up and cry wolf. I've witnessed dozens of interactions where they tell an adult out of the blue that Keaton hit them when he was 10 ft away! Or he drives a truck 6 in. from their feet and they start crying like he hurt them. The older child tried to take his stuffed toy 30 sec. after we walked into the room. When Keaton wouldn't let go, he knocked him to the ground. DH told the parents and the kid immediately lied and said Keaton hit him first. The parents chose to believe their child even though DH told them exactly what happened. DH and I refuse to leave him in the care of another adult if these kids are there because they aren't aware of the issues and falsely reprimand him. Edited July 29, 2012 by AndyJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks so much for sharing your stories. I can't believe how often this happens to other families. Kalah, I love your advice to take a day to get all sides of the story because I'm not informed enough to have a discussion about it. I can see this working in most of the situations I come up against. I have to then revisit the issue the next day (which I cringe at just thinking about) but at least it allows for some closure (something that never happens). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Oh wow. This brings back memories. Back when DD was still in public school, I was friends with a Mom (J) of DD's friend. (H) We were new in town (as we always are, it seems). Anyway, one day I get a phone call from J, telling me that another Mom was going to call the school on my DD for "being mean to her daughter (A) on the bus, *and it's not the first time it has happened*." J told A's mom (B) that she felt I had a right know what was going on so that I did not get blindsided by the school calling me about an issue that did not even happen AT school. DD had said something on the bus that afternoon to both A and H that was "unkind". H corroborated the part about DD being mean to them to J. B was too scared to call me directly because we'd never met, so J offered to call me and let me know and have me call B to find out what is going on. So, I talk to DD to get her side of the story about "being mean" on the bus to A and H. She immediately starts bawling. After a few minutes I get the story out of her. A & H were planning a sleepover at A's house for the upcoming weekend. A told DD she was not allowed to talk to them, because she wasn't part of the sleepover. Her "unkind" response to both of them: "Fine, then I don't want to be your friend anymore." :glare: Uh?? how is MY DD the one "being mean" in this case. Anyway, there is always more than one side to the story, so I call J back so she can get H's side of the story, and proceed to call B. I call B, introduce myself and ask her about the trouble. A came home upset because "DD said mean things to her on the bus". Ok. I tell her DD's side of the story, let her know J is talking to H to get her side and that her daughter, A seems to be the instigator in this particular case. On to the other thing. "I hear this is not the first time, so what can you tell me about the first incident?". B was all indignant..."oh yeah, I SAW that one happen because I was waiting at the bus stop with A in the morning". She tells me a garbled story about DD pushing A on the bus. I am the type to question things until I have all pertinent details, then I'll question them again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. What happened you might ask? DD and H get on the bus before A in the morning. DD and H were sitting together. A tried to sit with them on the seat. A HIPCHECKED DD to move her over so she could sit there, too. DD stuck her elbow out to defend herself and her space. B got all soft and quiet while she was telling me that part...you know, the part that SHE WATCHED her DD HIPCHECK my DD. "She just gave your DD a little bump with her hips so she'd move over". :glare: Needless to say, the principal never got involved and I'm pretty sure B is happy that we have since moved away, because I was a glaring spotlight on the fact that her "little angel" is not so angelic. In hindsight, I believe that both B and A were jealous of mine and DD's friendship with J and H because they were friends first and we were new in town. Are my kids angels? HECK no! They do cause enough trouble on their own, though that they do not need to be falsely accused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I'm just so glad to hear that you are sticking up for your kids. I grew up knowing there was no point trying to put my side across because there was no way my parents would support / believe me at all. It's probably the thing that caused the most damage to my relationship with my mother - I was always wrong, it was always my fault and they would always assume the worst / support the other side. My mother's stock response if I mentioned anything was "and what did you do to make that happen" - and never believed that the answer was "all I did was turn up". So please, keep looking for both sides of the story and stand up for your kids when they need you. Same here. :grouphug: We've only had this happen several times. The first was with oldest dd who was about 5 at the time. We were at a cattle auction and I wasn't watching my children carefully enough--I was buying bulls. I guess dd swung her feet and bumped a lady on the back (we were in grandstand-type seating). I apologized, had dd apologize and we moved a bit. We went back down to the bull pens because I wanted to check on something and when we returned, the only place to sit was directly behind this woman again. I don't know if dd actually bumped the woman's back again but all of a sudden, the woman stood up, grabbed dd and whacked her! I didn't do anything as I was dumbfounded. Some man behind us grabbed dd away from her and we just left. It wasn't one of my best moments. Dd was dumbfounded too....... Oh my goodness. How did you not whack the woman back? I'm sure there would have been police involved if it happened to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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