speechless!!!

[moriah]

Our church had a camp that kids went to from Monday through Friday. It is a kids camp that other churches converge together on so there are hundreds of kids. Overnights and everything. My son has autism. I hemmed and hawed about sending him because although he is very high functioning, I was worried about all the stimulation and the length of time he would be there. I talked several different times with our children's pastor about this, he knew very very well that I was concerned but reassured me that my son would be in his (children's pastor's) cabin in his "group" of kids. That my son would be in his group and that he (our children's pastor) would watch him.

Well, my son returned home and I found out that he was put in a group of kids from across the state with a children's pastor that I didn't know from adam and that my son was separate the whole week from the kids in our church. I am livid!!!! I cannot believe that he (children's pastor) did this. When I picked up my children, I specifically asked the children's pastor how it went, I could tell something was weird. He said, ya, ya it went very well.

My son had no way of calling or reaching us and was with people he had never met the whole week. our daughter said she saw him standing on his own, away from the group doing repetative behaviors. My husband said he is going to talk to the children's pastor tomorrow and ask some questions. I paid several hundred dollars for each kid to go to this camp only to find out that my son was excluded from our church group and knew no one he was with. My son said, "I would have liked to be in (children's pastor's group) but they said it was already decided". My son said he had fun and "made friends with" a kid that he will never see again. A warning to all to ask many many questions.

[mrbmom77]

I'd be beyond livid, and my autie is 15. So sorry this happened. :grouphug:

[Shawndrese]

I would be sooooo mad! I sure hope you say something to your youth pastor and let him know how upset you are about it...

[pdalley]

Oh no, totally NOT acceptable. Things like this are why I refuse to let my Aspies go on youth group trips without one of us along. People who don't have one do not understand how long it takes to undo damage from this type of thing.

 

I'm livid for you. :group hug:

 

I'd go to the children's Pastor's boss.

[Verity]

I have a 13 year old with Asperger's and can't imagine how upset I would be if this happened to him. I like the idea of the above poster that maybe the other youth leader was familiar with SN kids but why wouldn't your Youth Pastor have called you to let you know that the plan had changed?

This kind of thing definitely makes me leery of sending my kids away to Youth Retreat (there is one coming up this summer and I've gotten some pressure to send him).

:grouphug:

I hope he bounced back once he was home. It just makes me so sad to think of how alone he was.

[Ibbygirl]

Our church had a camp that kids went to from Monday through Friday. It is a kids camp that other churches converge together on so there are hundreds of kids. Overnights and everything. My son has autism. I hemmed and hawed about sending him because although he is very high functioning, I was worried about all the stimulation and the length of time he would be there. I talked several different times with our children's pastor about this, he knew very very well that I was concerned but reassured me that my son would be in his (children's pastor's) cabin in his "group" of kids. That my son would be in his group and that he (our children's pastor) would watch him.

Well, my son returned home and I found out that he was put in a group of kids from across the state with a children's pastor that I didn't know from adam and that my son was separate the whole week from the kids in our church. I am livid!!!! I cannot believe that he (children's pastor) did this. When I picked up my children, I specifically asked the children's pastor how it went, I could tell something was weird. He said, ya, ya it went very well.

My son had no way of calling or reaching us and was with people he had never met the whole week. our daughter said she saw him standing on his own, away from the group doing repetative behaviors. My husband said he is going to talk to the children's pastor tomorrow and ask some questions. I paid several hundred dollars for each kid to go to this camp only to find out that my son was excluded from our church group and knew no one he was with. My son said, "I would have liked to be in (children's pastor's group) but they said it was already decided". My son said he had fun and "made friends with" a kid that he will never see again. A warning to all to ask many many questions.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That's awful! I'm so sorry. Kudos to your son though for being able to deal with it. When you say repetitive behaviors do you mean "stimming"? Hopefully that was enough to soothe him poor thing! Did he have any meltdowns do you know? I'm so sorry about him being excluded like that. It's so brutal what these kids go through. :( My dd also high functioning Autistic went to camp ONCE! It was a nightmare! My husband went along as a volunteer so that he could keep his eye on her (they needed men volunteers not women unfortunately or I would have gone with her) and even with him there keeping tabs on her and talking with her leader she was left out. :(

 

I'm so sorry your ds went through this. :grouphug:

 

and I agree with Peg. I'm livid for you too. Totally unacceptable. :mad:

Edited June 24, 2012 by Ibbygirl

[Starr]

Was he the only kid separated from your church group? If so I would be moving on.

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

How awful! :thumbdown:

[Riverland]

I would be beyond furious. This is a mistake that can not be "undone."

[Lizzie in Ma]

Heads would be rolling! I am so sorry that happened to your son. :grouphug::grouphug:

[kwg]

That is awful!:glare:

[Laurie]

I'm so angry about the arrogance of your children's pastor for thinking that it was just fine to leave you and your husband out of the decision making process. He made a false promise to you, and based on that promise you made the decision to let your son go to the camp. (In legal terms, you might even have a claim based on "promissory estoppel". )

 

At the very least, I think the church should refund your money for BOTH children. If this happened to me, I would also want the personal contact info. for the children's pastor who was with my child all week so I could find out what went on, why my child appeared to be left standing alone, etc. In a setting like that, with so many other people and perhaps water hazards and other safety concerns, what were they thinking letting him be separated from the group even for a minute. And the fact that your own pastor could have allowed any of this after reassuring you that your son would be under his care is just unconscionable.

 

This should never be allowed to happen to another child. Never, never, never.

[PrincessAriel]

:grouphug::grouphug. :grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

:grouphug::grouphug:

How awful. I would be so angry if this happened to my kids. I am already hesitant to send them to church overnights and so far have not done so. My kids need a lot of supervision and I am not always able to be there. I just don't think most churches are set up to deal with our kids and some have no intention of learning how to provide for them at all.

I hope your son is recovering and I agree you should get an apology and a refund. I am interested to hear how it turns out for you.:grouphug:

 

I'd be furious too.

 

My kids are not special needs and I still don't send them to church overnights. I just see no upside at all. A whole week? I'd be all over them and that youth pastor would be shaking in his boots.

[moriah]

Thankyou everyone for awesome support and feedback,

I needed to vent about this somewhere because I am speechless as I said.

I don't get on this site very often so the support from all of you is extra extra special.

I feel so bad for my son who is a great kid and the best friend anyone could have. We pray alot at home, he loves God and has great faith, when asked to say a public prayer he is an awesome pray-er, very thoughtful and caring.

I felt like I really let him down, he is 11 and I am always getting feedback that I need to "let go more". As said before, I thought that all the kids from our church would at least have someone from our church in their group both kids and leaders. Several male adults from our church went, I never dreamed that the kids could get there and some kids would be handed off to a whole different group to be taken care of by people they have never met.

Despite the fact that my son got a full frontal message regarding his worth in the group ( he wasn't sure he even wanted to go) and how helpless he felt being handed off to someone he had never met (I told him he would be in the children's pastors group) he is adjusting. He doesn't typically have meltdowns as much as making his anxiety sky high and he goes inside himself (stimming or zoning out) which he hasn't done in a really long time but his sister said he was doing throughout the week there. He says that other kids were taunting him about it. He appears to others like he is adjusting well all the while he is going crazy with anxiety inside. They are lucky that he didn't throw up or have other bodily function difficulties. Instead, I am having to deal with it at home. Shame on them. They have no idea how scary that is for a kid.

[Ibbygirl]

Thankyou everyone for awesome support and feedback,

I needed to vent about this somewhere because I am speechless as I said.

I don't get on this site very often so the support from all of you is extra extra special.

I feel so bad for my son who is a great kid and the best friend anyone could have. We pray alot at home, he loves God and has great faith, when asked to say a public prayer he is an awesome pray-er, very thoughtful and caring.

I felt like I really let him down, he is 11 and I am always getting feedback that I need to "let go more". As said before, I thought that all the kids from our church would at least have someone from our church in their group both kids and leaders. Several male adults from our church went, I never dreamed that the kids could get there and some kids would be handed off to a whole different group to be taken care of by people they have never met.

Despite the fact that my son got a full frontal message regarding his worth in the group ( he wasn't sure he even wanted to go) and how helpless he felt being handed off to someone he had never met (I told him he would be in the children's pastors group) he is adjusting. He doesn't typically have meltdowns as much as making his anxiety sky high and he goes inside himself (stimming or zoning out) which he hasn't done in a really long time but his sister said he was doing throughout the week there. He says that other kids were taunting him about it. He appears to others like he is adjusting well all the while he is going crazy with anxiety inside. They are lucky that he didn't throw up or have other bodily function difficulties. Instead, I am having to deal with it at home. Shame on them. They have no idea how scary that is for a kid.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh my heart is breaking for your little guy. What is being done about this Youth Pastor who allowed this?? This is NOT okay. Please, if your dh is handling it, don't sit back and let it go. Situations like this can be deadly for these precious children. :crying:

[Lecka]

I think it sends a disturbing message to your daughter and the other children in the youth program.

 

For them to think this is acceptable behavior and also acceptable behavior from a church leader is probably not something other parents want, either.

 

As another parent -- I would be incredibly upset if my child witnessed this behavior and thought this was what our church stood for.

[pdalley]

Thankyou everyone for awesome support and feedback,

I needed to vent about this somewhere because I am speechless as I said.

I don't get on this site very often so the support from all of you is extra extra special.

I feel so bad for my son who is a great kid and the best friend anyone could have. We pray alot at home, he loves God and has great faith, when asked to say a public prayer he is an awesome pray-er, very thoughtful and caring.

I felt like I really let him down, he is 11 and I am always getting feedback that I need to "let go more". As said before, I thought that all the kids from our church would at least have someone from our church in their group both kids and leaders. Several male adults from our church went, I never dreamed that the kids could get there and some kids would be handed off to a whole different group to be taken care of by people they have never met.

Despite the fact that my son got a full frontal message regarding his worth in the group ( he wasn't sure he even wanted to go) and how helpless he felt being handed off to someone he had never met (I told him he would be in the children's pastors group) he is adjusting. He doesn't typically have meltdowns as much as making his anxiety sky high and he goes inside himself (stimming or zoning out) which he hasn't done in a really long time but his sister said he was doing throughout the week there. He says that other kids were taunting him about it. He appears to others like he is adjusting well all the while he is going crazy with anxiety inside. They are lucky that he didn't throw up or have other bodily function difficulties. Instead, I am having to deal with it at home. Shame on them. They have no idea how scary that is for a kid.

 

:grouphug: One of mine is like that. And that is what make me FURIOUS! I get the same 'you need to let go' message. I finally told them they could build a bridge and get over it. These are my kids and I know them better than anyone else than their father who agrees they don't need to go alone. He knows we'll spend a very long time undoing the damage.

 

I would make sure they knew I was not happy and the damage the inflicted on my child. And that his sister is also hurting from the experience.

 

Let me tell you - the people who tell you that you need to 'let go' more? They are completely clueless when it comes to special kids. :grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My heart breaks for you and your ds.

[clarkacademy]

I would be looking for a new church, they basically lied to you. My son would have been hysterical. Did your daughter ecleast try and see him?

[freeindeed]

:grouphug: One of mine is like that. And that is what make me FURIOUS! I get the same 'you need to let go' message. I finally told them they could build a bridge and get over it. These are my kids and I know them better than anyone else than their father who agrees they don't need to go alone. He knows we'll spend a very long time undoing the damage.

 

I would make sure they knew I was not happy and the damage the inflicted on my child. And that his sister is also hurting from the experience.

 

Let me tell you - the people who tell you that you need to 'let go' more? They are completely clueless when it comes to special kids. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

I've heard the same "letting go" cr*p about my special needs daughter and she's only four. I am so sorry this happened to your son. You are absolutely justified in your feelings.:grouphug:

[mamatohaleybug]

Oh. my. word. I would be absolutely livid! I am so very sorry this happened to your son (and daughter - I imagine it distressed her to see him struggling all week). I'm flabbergasted. :mad:

[Jennifer-72]

Oh. my. word. I would be absolutely livid! I am so very sorry this happened to your son (and daughter - I imagine it distressed her to see him struggling all week). I'm flabbergasted. :mad:

 

:iagree:I am also completely flabbergasted!

[Barbara H]

You have every right to be upset. This is totally unacceptable.

[MerryAtHope]

That CP should have called you immediately when things were set up differently than he thought, and/or fought to get this student in his cabin. I would feel so betrayed. This is wrong!!! I hope the talk between him and your husband goes well and that your dh can find out some answers. This is unacceptable. I'm glad your son said he had fun and made a friend but it sounds like it was also a stressful and hurtful week for him in many ways, and not at all meeting his needs and your clear expectations. If the CP promised this kid would be in his cabin, I'm not sure how asking more questions could have helped. My inkling is that something was different from what he expected in the set-up, but again, he should have fought for a change and/or called you immediately. I'm so sorry.

[suzyqak]

I am so very sorry for your family to have been exposed to this type of hurt.

 

Life is so very full of hurt & betrayal, that we all pray & hope does not come from those around us who are supposed to be our friends.

 

Please sit down with your whole family, discuss everyone's feelings/thoughts & then pray. Ask for your hearts to be softened toward the pastor...and forgive him. We have to learn to forgive...which is quite different from immediately trusting a person after forgiveness. Try to use this experience (even though it was totally wrong & disgraceful) to teach your children about forgiveness & giving them a look at how your family can show others compassion.

 

I would seriously consider not letting either of your children attend anything else at the chuch until this matter is settled in all of your minds & hearts.

 

:grouphug:

[elfgivas]

i am so sorry that it all unfolded as it did. and to one of the most vulnerable amongst us. :grouphug:

 

your senior pastor needs to know. this was a breach of trust. from this perspective, it doesn't matter who it happened to. if you can't trust a pastor to do what they say they are going to do, then this is a problem. you trust him with your children. now, you can't.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Hwin]

My heart is breaking for your son. I'm not sure I'd want to go back to that church (although I know this is not as simple and easy as it looks from my computer screen!)

[4everHis]

Thankyou everyone for awesome support and feedback,

I needed to vent about this somewhere because I am speechless as I said.

I don't get on this site very often so the support from all of you is extra extra special.

I feel so bad for my son who is a great kid and the best friend anyone could have. We pray alot at home, he loves God and has great faith, when asked to say a public prayer he is an awesome pray-er, very thoughtful and caring.

I felt like I really let him down, he is 11 and I am always getting feedback that I need to "let go more". As said before, I thought that all the kids from our church would at least have someone from our church in their group both kids and leaders. Several male adults from our church went, I never dreamed that the kids could get there and some kids would be handed off to a whole different group to be taken care of by people they have never met.

Despite the fact that my son got a full frontal message regarding his worth in the group ( he wasn't sure he even wanted to go) and how helpless he felt being handed off to someone he had never met (I told him he would be in the children's pastors group) he is adjusting. He doesn't typically have meltdowns as much as making his anxiety sky high and he goes inside himself (stimming or zoning out) which he hasn't done in a really long time but his sister said he was doing throughout the week there. He says that other kids were taunting him about it. He appears to others like he is adjusting well all the while he is going crazy with anxiety inside. They are lucky that he didn't throw up or have other bodily function difficulties. Instead, I am having to deal with it at home. Shame on them. They have no idea how scary that is for a kid.

 

My kids are not SN but this is unacceptable, no matter what. What church sends their kids to a camp and seperates them from their group? I've never heard of that. That would have been hard for any of my kids!

[4everHis]

That CP should have called you immediately when things were set up differently than he thought, and/or fought to get this student in his cabin. I would feel so betrayed. This is wrong!!! I hope the talk between him and your husband goes well and that your dh can find out some answers. This is unacceptable. I'm glad your son said he had fun and made a friend but it sounds like it was also a stressful and hurtful week for him in many ways, and not at all meeting his needs and your clear expectations. If the CP promised this kid would be in his cabin, I'm not sure how asking more questions could have helped. My inkling is that something was different from what he expected in the set-up, but again, he should have fought for a change and/or called you immediately. I'm so sorry.

 

:iagree:

[SonshineLearner]

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