"Don't give more thought to someone's words than the speaker gave to them". I second that one. Thanks for the great laugh Merry Gardens!

Thankyou everyone for awesome support and feedback, I needed to vent about this somewhere because I am speechless as I said. I don't get on this site very often so the support from all of you is extra extra special. I feel so bad for my son who is a great kid and the best friend anyone could have. We pray alot at home, he loves God and has great faith, when asked to say a public prayer he is an awesome pray-er, very thoughtful and caring. I felt like I really let him down, he is 11 and I am always getting feedback that I need to "let go more". As said before, I thought that all the kids from our church would at least have someone from our church in their group both kids and leaders. Several male adults from our church went, I never dreamed that the kids could get there and some kids would be handed off to a whole different group to be taken care of by people they have never met. Despite the fact that my son got a full frontal message regarding his worth in the group ( he wasn't sure he even wanted to go) and how helpless he felt being handed off to someone he had never met (I told him he would be in the children's pastors group) he is adjusting. He doesn't typically have meltdowns as much as making his anxiety sky high and he goes inside himself (stimming or zoning out) which he hasn't done in a really long time but his sister said he was doing throughout the week there. He says that other kids were taunting him about it. He appears to others like he is adjusting well all the while he is going crazy with anxiety inside. They are lucky that he didn't throw up or have other bodily function difficulties. Instead, I am having to deal with it at home. Shame on them. They have no idea how scary that is for a kid.

Our church had a camp that kids went to from Monday through Friday. It is a kids camp that other churches converge together on so there are hundreds of kids. Overnights and everything. My son has autism. I hemmed and hawed about sending him because although he is very high functioning, I was worried about all the stimulation and the length of time he would be there. I talked several different times with our children's pastor about this, he knew very very well that I was concerned but reassured me that my son would be in his (children's pastor's) cabin in his "group" of kids. That my son would be in his group and that he (our children's pastor) would watch him. Well, my son returned home and I found out that he was put in a group of kids from across the state with a children's pastor that I didn't know from adam and that my son was separate the whole week from the kids in our church. I am livid!!!! I cannot believe that he (children's pastor) did this. When I picked up my children, I specifically asked the children's pastor how it went, I could tell something was weird. He said, ya, ya it went very well. My son had no way of calling or reaching us and was with people he had never met the whole week. our daughter said she saw him standing on his own, away from the group doing repetative behaviors. My husband said he is going to talk to the children's pastor tomorrow and ask some questions. I paid several hundred dollars for each kid to go to this camp only to find out that my son was excluded from our church group and knew no one he was with. My son said, "I would have liked to be in (children's pastor's group) but they said it was already decided". My son said he had fun and "made friends with" a kid that he will never see again. A warning to all to ask many many questions.

There is a language arts program that is used in the schools and I looked it up recently, that helps a child to write a 2 and then 3 parts about a story, helps the child to write some descriptive words about stories. Starts in a really basic way, I think you would have success to start there. I will try to see if I can remember what that site was! Also, I am a mental health professional and my son is 11 with ADHD and Asperger's. He tests at the 4th grade level. I have homeschooled him his whole school career. Suggestion: Whoever you are taking your child to that diagnoses a personality disorder, I would sincerely think about challenging anything like that. Per the diagnostic manual, personality disorders are really long term maladaptive personality issues that form over a person's lifetime. They are supposed to be used with adults. They are looked at as pretty unchangeable. Personality disorders esp certain kinds of personality disorder can label your child extremely negatively. I almost feel off my chair when I saw that on your post. Clearly you are looking at developmental issues. Any diagnosis that is mental health in nature, such as bipolar or personality disorders should be reserved until absolutely everything else is ruled out. There are many many reasons for mood swings that are not personality disorders or bipolar. I see adults that say "I have bipolar" diagnosed as a teen and they do not. They walk around with that label for years. Since brains are developing until early 20s there is no reason to slap such an all inclusive label on someone. Mood swings need to be figured out as to what they are, sensory or overwhelmed, differences in abilities ie. verbal vs. performance, difficulty with changes as examples. One may have to keep a detailed log about what the child ate, how much sleep, are they sleeping good or not, was there too much stimulation, did the child get overwhelmed from the school work, did the child run out of steam, how long can the child focus, does the child need physical activity (my son is on a trampoline 4-5 times per day even in winter). Checking sight and hearing from a provider that can do a detailed assessment. All these issues would have to be looked at before ever giving those kinds of diagnoses. They don't need to diagnose to try meds either. They can try a mood stabalizer (if that's the only thing left to try) without diagnosing bipolar as an example. If you have testing done, an IQ test, post some of the results so we can see them. Differences in abilities from verbal to performance can result in tons of frustruation. ADHD can have mood swings involved with it. You might want to see if you can find an autism or ASD specialist so they could help you figure some of these things out. Hope this helps!

I would ask around and see if you can find a psychiatrist that treats ONLY autism, developmental disorders and ADHD. Many psychiatrists even child psychiatrists have no idea how to prescribe for these kids. I work in mental health and the first to remember is mental health is not developmental disabilities. They are two different specialties. Most psychiatrists are trained for mental health concerns and that is what it appears that your doctor is leaning toward to me. I have a ds age 11 that is High Functioning autism and ADHD. Yes, he has mood swings, but they are not bipolar. They are part of the spectrum disorder. Most kids on the spectrum have issues with anxiety and they respond to anxiety meds which are for the most part antidepressant medications. They can have OCD (obsessive compulsive behaviors which include needing things the same, obsessive thinking or difficulty with change), anxiety and sensory issues which any of those can cause lots of emotional turmoil. I would suggest using the ADHD meds and evaluate your child with a therapist (who is experienced in spectrum disorders) and an occupation therapist who can eval for sensory integration disorder. You want to find out why your child has symptoms because that may decrease the number of meds you try and fail with. Many kids who are on the spectrum do not take meds other than for attention. Make sure if your child is not sleeping well to deal with that number one, because sleep difficulty can make a child look much more behaviorially disturbed and more ADHD than they really are. (try getting a couple hours of sleep for a few days and see how you feel!) I have had to fight to get a perscription for my son for sleep and I give it just a couple of times per week. He has lots of anxiety and does things like pulls feathers out of his pillow because he can't sleep and the room will be a mess by the next AM. Kids on the spectrum notoriously don't sleep well. I would stay away from the mood stabalizer (abilify) family of meds as use it as a last last resort unless you are truly dealing with huge behaviors like hitting or huge temper tantrums etc. I tried looking back at your posts to see what kinds of behaviors you are dealing with but I didn't see. kids are all different on the spectrum. write and tell us what you are dealing with!

there may be a whole host of brain gymnastics, figuring out puzzle type activities, remembering things like letters and numbers. Some paper activities such as vocab and comprehension type questions or math like what would be on a test in school. Each activity is pretty short. If he is anything like my son, it would be good to talk about if he doesn't know doesn't remember or can't figure out something that its OK and that he will be asked to do the next thing and try not to get down on himself. The activites are often time limited so he would be interrupted if he isn't finished with it. (that's what would be disturbing to my son!). My son hates anything timed. His anxiety goes up. :001_smile: ADHD testing often includes a computer testing that is somewhat like a computer game. There may be social interaction with the examiner, playing a game or playing with toys. hope this helps! Moriah

Hi All! Happily my ds (HF autism) is on some of the last lessons on Math 4 TT. This curr has been a life saver after about 6-7 months of skip counting to learn mulitiplications. ds can now do long division, complicated mulitplication, I'm very proud! But, When it comes to word problems he says: so do I add, subtract, multiply or divide? I have tried helping him cross out the extraneous words (which is part of word problems at this level to challenge a child to see what is important in the problem) but unless the problem can be drawn on paper, he doesn't understand what to do. Does anyone know of a specific resource or in your curr that you use, that has a good step by step explaination for deciding what the function should be for the word problem? Thanks!

personally, everyone said my son had ADD. My son was running all over including out the door and down the street. I bought every toy I could find. He had no interest. Other moms well meaning "suggestions" and judgement (he is out of control because I wasn't being a good parent) and I felt more helpless than I have ever felt in my life. I watched my son day in and day out sit and cry the most heart wrenching sobs that you have ever heard, like he was absolutely miserable and unhappy. I cried too. I had no idea how to connect with him. When we took him in and had him evaluated, it was autism not ADD. He would not have had the verbal help as early as he did had I not done that. Today he is almost 11 and has friends, he uses his interest in characters by acting in plays and is about to start his 4th play in which he sings and has speaking parts. Its true that we certainly can't let labels limit our children and God knows that there are tons of people that when they hear a label about a kid that they do not have the time of day for that child, but personally, I thank God that I found out what I was dealing with. We still sometimes get the parents who parent upwardly mobile "stars" that have no time for a child like mine, who is the truest blue friend a kid could ever have, but that would happen regardless of the "label" or not. At least he has his family that will never leave him nor foresake him. That label helped it happen. Just my opinion.

Hi, I have a child who is ADD and HF autism. It sounds like you have your hands full with this guy! First off, ADD is diagnosed completely by the symptoms. So just like if 5 people were to have a stomach ache and it was all diagnosed as the same thing, we would all be appaulded because we all know that many things can cause a stomach ache and there would be 5 different solutions to the same symptoms. Labels are good in the sense that if you don't feel like you understand your child, then you can refer to other parents that have a child with something similar. Testing (please make sure they do IQ testing which has a bunch of subgroups of tests that will tell what exactly your son is having difficulty with whether it be memory, ability to process etc) and will help you to connect with him if you understand him better. I don't totally understand how it works but I understand that ADD can be on a continuum being the "mildest" in the social arena and asperger's and HF autism is on the more symptomatic side. So meaning, your son could be a bit of both. These days, with the awareness out there, they are diagnosing kids that are very mildly affected and sometimes are subclinical in ASD side but still have some of the symptoms. (ASD means autism spectrum disorder which includes asperger's and HF autism and PDD NOS). My child needed alot of connecting in order for him to come out of his "shell". I think alot of children who have a bit of ASD need someone to really connect with them or they feel very alone. I can't tell you the number of times that someone in the community is unwilling to do the work to connect with my son and then he flounders. This is a big reason for homeschooling him. I don't want my son to be in a school all day where its possible that he doesn't feel connected to anyone. I work in mental health and I see the adults with these disorders where no one has connected with them growing up, they haven't felt understood and it is sad, sad, sad because they could have been so much more. It took a professional to show me how to connect with my son when he was little. Once I really understood him and started validating who he is and the areas he struggles, he just bloomed. We as a family have to accept that he is happy going to his room when the rest of us are watching a movie, he comes out when he gets his fill of room time. He connects when he can and this helps him to feel comfortable with no expectations to be something he is not. As far as the not "getting" consequences, maybe try making a small white board with a line down the middle, one side saying If..... and the other side saying Then...... When he is in a calm state of mind, go over and over and over this using different examples, If you grab a toy away from a kid, then you will have a 10 minute time out. Bring the white board where ever you go and when something happens, during the 10 minute time out, go over what happened. Show him over and over that one negative action gets a reaction. If you don't pick up your room, then you don't get any TV. show him the positive side, if you pick up your room, then you get TV. Draw stick pics, sometimes seeing it written down really helps it to "get in". I hope this helps!

My ds was out of control as a young child. I could not get him to sit and play with me. When I took him and got a diagnosis at 3 1/2, and we were immersed in therapy, over a period of time I lost most of my friends, some behind my back said that it was due to a lack of parenting. (nice huh?) Once I had my daughter who is typical and realized that a typical child goes through milestones with little or no assistance (I'm not saying I don't spend time with her but I also didn't have to spend 3 months teaching her how to ride a tricycle) and I think people just have no idea the work involved or what it would be like if you had to help your child get through milestones. Another thing, I could not figure my son out until an ASD person helped me. That feeling of helplessness was really a killer. If I had it to do over again, I would more quickly stop trying to discuss it with anyone who hasn't experienced it. Other suggestions? Maybe find a support group, get a therapist, see if anyone is willing to do emailing here, think of it like a marathon instead of a hard sprint, make sure you are taking care of yourself physically, ask lots of questions regarding therapies on this board and other ASD sites and learn to seriously lean into God. My son is 10 yo now and he is a wonderful child. I love love love doing school with him. I have learned to enjoy "the now" instead of planning out my child's future. I am actually grateful because although I have made plenty of mistakes, I feel that I did my very best. I have a relationship with my children that makes our home a true refuge from life's bumps and bruises. I will pray that you get through your grieving quickly and easily!

and you have it from me, many many days like you are describing. Sometimes I just have to pray and ask God for all the patience and super human strength that He can give me. With that said, I'm wondering if it would work to do an allowance based on schoolwork. This is what I have tried and it seems to help get my ds to do things that he doesn't want to do. He gets money at the end of the week for completing stuff and a little more if its an extraordinary effort. I use that time to tell him how I experienced the week ie. "I heard alot of complaining and if I hear that next week, you will only get half the money at the end of the week". Although my ds tries to pin me down on what is worth how much money, like "how much if I get my english done, Mom" I resist allowing him to itemize. I evaluate how much got done, what effort I saw and what the "atmosphere" was like. He gets bonuses for finishing a book, workbook, etc. so the last half of a workbook usually goes pretty well. He is starting to negociate like "if I get all my teaching textbook lessons done on the CD, can I get extra money" My dh feels it is important to teach him early that if he doesn't work, he doesn't get "paid" My ds uses his money for lego sets etc, he always has some thing he wants to buy. I realize that this may only work for certain kids, but I thought I might throw it out there. Moriah

Boy, how to respond to this one! I have a 10 yo son that has HF autism and has been homeschooled throughout with a few tries in some regular situations (cub scouts) that for us didn’t work so well. I agree with Ellie Snowshoe in the respect that if you homeschool, you would need to search far and wide for places that you child will comfortably fit in socially. We are lucky enough to have a small group of homeschool moms where most of the kids in the homeschool group are either sibs of spectrum kids or on the spectrum. The kids are great with each other. We have always led the group ourselves so its more work for us but I find that it is worth it. I would suggest looking at Dr. Gutstien’s books (RDIconnect.com), he is a developmental psychologist that has determined a therapy called Relationship Development Intervention. It is something that you do at home and you can get taught by a consultant and starting with one on one and moving to a social group as your child could handle it. He advocates homeschooling because he believes that as long as your child is overwhelmed, (he feels this happens due to school days being too long and classrooms being too large) they will not learn and will eventually develop avoidance of social situations and start to fear social situations. He has said in his conference that you only put your child in situations that you know your child can handle. If they can’t show some mastery in the situation, they are learning to fear the situation. I have found this to be very true. I find schools have the philosophy that if you “throw em in†they will learn. This is a fallacy. Autistic kids cannot take in nonverbal communication. That is part of the disorder. If you “throw em in†you have to make sure that the group is supportive and small and isn’t too long to overwhelm your child all day. I find most skills need to specifically be taught and discussed with your child. Ie. John, you have to realize that not every kid is nice. Some kids ......... Typical children in a school respond in a wide range to one with a perceived weakness. One way, and the hopeful way, is to accept that there are differences and be supportive and helpful. Another less ideal way children respond to one with percieved weakness, is to tease and victimize a child. This can take place by exclusion (not inviting the child but inviting everyone else), taking advantage of, ie. Taking money, or getting a child to do something that will get them in trouble, or to beat the child up. Sometimes group pressure can push an otherwise supportive child into bullying behavior if others threaten to reject that kid if he is supportive to a “weird†kid. I feel schools have very little control over which of the above happens. Schools are more and more having to specifically focus on academics and not on group behavior. When there is a supportive environment, its because the teacher is moving the group in that direction, but its not specifically across the board. I found that my ds could not handle school from 8:30 to 3:45. It was too long. He did fine up to a point but when he lost steam, he could no longer manage. He couldn’t pay attention, start to go inside of himself and would get teased or taken advantage of. The positive thing is that our public school has offered me an array of options, like half day school and they will do social skills group with my son as long as I transport him there. I did take advantage of that while I spent some reading time with my dd in the library there. My ds is gladly being homeschooled. He has no desire to attend a school. I have him in activities, gymnastics, swimming, he is now at 10 trying some soccer and he is enjoying it. I hope this helps with your difficult decision and good luck. Moriah

my ds didn't know his multiplication and I was so worried last year. We have done the CC foundations CD which has history songs and math multiples skip counting. My son has gone through a year of math in about 6 months after learning those songs and now knows alot of history too! I will continue to use those CDs. Hope this helps!

My dd loves the book Leading Little Ones to God. I don't like the next years SL choice, I've looked at various programs, my ds loves the bible itself and has written his own Old Testament in his own words for copy work. He is more history minded and learns alot from VP bible and history cards. Any suggestions for a next step for my dd (7)?

My son is 10 and when he doesn't get alot of exercise is basically running jumping pacing repeating, talking driving me nuts! This winter has been the worst because in our part of the country we have had a ton of snow. He has in the past pushed the snow off the tramp outside and used the tramp with snow pants and coat, 2 pairs of socks. My son has Asp. and ADHD, he needs lots and lots and lots of physical. I teach for a bit, he goes on the tramp, the tramp is like a hamster wheel really. It takes all day sometimes evening too to get school done because he really needs breaks etc. I have discovery ed streaming (which is ed movies that are all pretty short and are at a number of different ed levels). This helps to put one of these on after seat work too because he is very visual. If your son isn't getting a physical outlet throughout the day I would try to focus on getting that. I understand that this issue gets better as they get older, (or I am a hopeless optimist). Hang in there, Moriah.