Another Thread about Teens and Educational Choices

[TranquilMind]

Thanks.

Edited June 16, 2012 by TranquilMind

[Tarreymere]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

[K&Rs Mom]

You're right that it's a risk either way, but I'd send her. She's old enough to have some input, but the way she's used that so far seems to show that she needs a little more guidance - maybe a nudge in a better direction - which you as the parent are able to provide. She's not an adult yet, so it's not totally her decision (which no teen wants to hear, but it's still true).

[K&Rs Mom]

What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

 

I would've at that age. :tongue_smilie: I was just that kind of kid....

[catz]

I'd do residential school or homeschool her w/CC classes

[Caitilin]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

 

I agree with this, completely. In my view, the only real choice is to send her. :grouphug:, Mama.

[Thea]

Send her TM. That would be my (HARD) decision based on what you've said. I'm sorry :grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

Rainefox: I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision,

Guilty. I thought it was respectful. It was really stupid...in our case.

 

What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

 

I've already done this! She argues she doesn't want to "be with geeks and nerds all the time" and that she likes her "cool " friends. This is not working yet. I'm hoping that a day we have planned there soon makes a difference.

[athena1277]

I'd do residential school or homeschool her w/CC classes

 

:iagree:I would give her these 2 choices. No way would I let her go back to her current school. Nothing good would come of staying where she is. Either of the other choices have a reasonable chance of a good outcome.

[TranquilMind]

But...what if....(I'm living in the world with "what-ifs" right now):

she retaliates as promised by finding the very worst people and getting in real trouble when she's away and we can do nothing? She's just skirted the edges and dipped her toes in real trouble so far.

 

I know..."God has not given me a spirit of fear" but I guess I'm having trouble with this. I feel like it might be the jolt necessary to toss her out there and hope she swims. And she probably will, since she's always been an achiever, at least academically. But what if we lose her?

 

I'm hurting.

[Harriet Vane]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

:iagree:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

An acquaintance sent her troubled/gifted daughter to a residential school for the same reasons and with the same doubts.

 

It was the perfect decision for their family. By Christmas their daughter had morphed into a (comparatively) respectful and happy girl. She found that the nerds and geeks were actually just like her, intellectually, and it was "OK" to be both smart and curious at the residential school and to give a hoot about one's own future. Her former acting out began to look childish in her eyes as she had opportunities to explore more mature studies and relationships.

 

My acquaintance's son is also gifted, but she found a very good public school situation for him. He excels in math and science and has lots of achieving/studious ps friends, so they aren't planning to send him away for high school. But they have no regrets about sending their daughter, who graduated from the residential school, went on to college, and recently got her Master's degree. She's been fine.

[TheApprentice]

:grouphug: You are probably going to have to go with your gut and her initial choice, residential school. I don't really see the upswing at her current school for the next couple of years. And the "what ifs" can go on. forever. My niece was sent away to a residential school for her last two years, against her will, but she will tell you that not only was it the best decision, she enjoyed herself. She just graduated college a couple of weeks ago, and is still close friends with those she met at school. This is something you could keep to yourself, but she could go for her junior year and if it's not working, bring her back. Tough decision.

[Aggie]

We have one who could be your dd. We've kept opportunities to interact with less-parented kids to a minimum because I know she would morph into a poorly behaved teen.

 

She has given us insight into deception and resistance, also. :(

 

What I would do is make the hard decision to send her to the residential school with the caveat that if she decided to fail out (my dd would do this, I know from experience), she would be back to homeschooling, and any social interaction would be at my discretion. IOW, her life at home (because of decisions she has made) would be much more miserable than life at the residential school. I would get a plan NOW so she can see what she'll be doing at home. On-line classes, community college, Abeka, or whatever. Map out *everything* so she knows exactly what to expect if she comes back home.

 

Your job is to protect her and provide for her. You can not protect her if she's chosen to run with people who make bad decisions.

 

As a pp stated, the teachers at the residential school will challenge her and bring out the best in her academically, and probably socially. From what I've read, they don't put up with carp from teens, either.

 

But, I think, she has to know that the other option, should she choose to get kicked out of that program, won't be pleasant. She needs some motivation to stay there. At her maturity level right now, her motivation might (have) be to avoid anything less pleasant.

[TranquilMind]

An acquaintance sent her troubled/gifted daughter to a residential school for the same reasons and with the same doubts.

 

It was the perfect decision for their family. By Christmas their daughter had morphed into a (comparatively) respectful and happy girl. She found that the nerds and geeks were actually just like her, intellectually, and it was "OK" to be both smart and curious at the residential school and to give a hoot about one's own future. Her former acting out began to look childish in her eyes as she had opportunities to explore more mature studies and relationships.

 

My acquaintance's son is also gifted, but she found a very good public school situation for him. He excels in math and science and has lots of achieving/studious ps friends, so they aren't planning to send him away for high school. But they have no regrets about sending their daughter, who graduated from the residential school, went on to college, and recently got her Master's degree. She's been fine.

 

 

Thank you, Tibbie, for this! (Big Sigh of Hopeful Relief).

[TranquilMind]

Aggie: We have one who could be your dd. We've kept opportunities to interact with less-parented kids to a minimum because I know she would morph into a poorly behaved teen.

 

She has given us insight into deception and resistance, also. :(

 

 

You are smarter than me. I really had NO idea what was coming. I never dreamed these things would be happening with this kind of kid. Wow, have I been humbled.

 

We've practically shut down her social life and she's only getting worse and more resistant.

 

She could easily sabotage the gifted school program simply by stating that she doesn't want to be there. The response would be "Great! There is a waiting list and some kid who DOES want to be here will get in!" I'm really worried she will do this, thinking this will keep her at her school.

 

What I would do is make the hard decision to send her to the residential school with the caveat that if she decided to fail out (my dd would do this, I know from experience), she would be back to homeschooling, and any social interaction would be at my discretion. IOW, her life at home (because of decisions she has made) would be much more miserable than life at the residential school. I would get a plan NOW so she can see what she'll be doing at home. On-line classes, community college, Abeka, or whatever. Map out *everything* so she knows exactly what to expect if she comes back home.

 

 

Good advice with getting an exact plan together. I need to do that now.

 

Your job is to protect her and provide for her. You can not protect her if she's chosen to run with people who make bad decisions.

 

 

No, I can't. But I also can't if she does it under cover away from us, where it might not be noticed if she keeps her grades up. She kept her grades up this, year, even through all this. While putting us through major trauma she got several perfect scores on final exams?!

 

As a pp stated, the teachers at the residential school will challenge her and bring out the best in her academically, and probably socially. From what I've read, they don't put up with carp from teens, either.

 

I certainly hope so. But these kids are smart. Really smart. Really smart kids can be really deceptive. I will have no idea.

 

But, I think, she has to know that the other option, should she choose to get kicked out of that program, won't be pleasant. She needs some motivation to stay there. At her maturity level right now, her motivation might (have) be to avoid anything less pleasant.

 

 

Getting a specific plan is on my list right now! Thanks.

[AuntieM]

I'd be packing her bags right now.

[GinaPagnato]

I agree, send her. I also like the "if you blow this opportunity" game plan, which clearly spells out what the consequences of coming home will look like.

 

You know what though? I'm really, really hopeful that when your daughter is in an academically rich, challenging environment with similarly qualified students, it'll make her really want to up her game. When the "cool" thing becomes working your behind off and succeeding in class, she may just reorient herself.

[Thea]

You stand a chance of losing her with either option. You already know the path that the current school has her on. It seems to me that there is a chance that the residential school could be just what she needs.

 

If she blows it then she does CC while staying at home. :grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

I'd be packing her bags right now.

Lol. After the day I've had, it sounds very tempting.

[TranquilMind]

WendyAndMilo: However, by sending her away, there is a greater possibility for her to turn around.

 

You think so? I really hope so.

 

I would definitely be packing her bags with the understanding that if she screws this up, the life she would be coming back to is not the one she has right now and it won't be pretty.

 

Yeah, that's a given, though I'm kind of at a loss to think of how much more she could lose right now.

[TranquilMind]

 

You know what though? I'm really, really hopeful that when your daughter is in an academically rich, challenging environment with similarly qualified students, it'll make her really want to up her game. When the "cool" thing becomes working your behind off and succeeding in class, she may just reorient herself.

 

You know, that's exactly what keeps coming back to me. Goodness, I hope so.

 

But the difference between the kids she is leaving and the ones she'd be joining is vast. She is not happy about this at all.

[Sarah CB]

I was a gifted student who shunned the programs I was offered in order to stay in mainstream school with my "cool" friends. Please - just send her to the residential school. Send her and don't look back regardless of whether she fights it or is miserable in the beginning. Don't discuss it anymore, just make the decision and send her.

 

This is one of those times when one's life goes off in one direction or the other. Make sure she's heading in the right direction.

[mazakaal]

I haven't read all the responses, so maybe this has been suggested, but could you find a way to make the residential school more appealing to her? You could show her the clubs, activities, fantastic pizza place, or whatever appeals to her that she would have at the residential school but wouldn't be available at the local school. And maybe she could speak with a recent graduate who can identify some with what your dd is struggling with, but is glad now that she chose the residential school. Some teenagers think their parents don't know anything (I have one of them) but are willing to listen to another young person.

 

:grouphug: Your dd sounds a lot like my ds, except that he's not intellectually gifted. We're thinking about moving, but he's completely freaking out at the idea of leaving his friends, who we think are a bad influence on him anyway.

[bbmom]

Send her to the school. With a little maturity and perspective she is likely to look back on it as the best thing you ever did for her and she might even say thank you one day. I think you are more likely to lose her if she stays where she is.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

 

:iagree::iagree:

[justamouse]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

:iagree::iagree:

[Teachin'Mine]

I would send her. I would talk with a counselor at the residential school to let her know what's been going on, so they can keep an eye on her. I'm sure they've heard this all before. I'm hoping to see posts from you in another few months about how happy you are that she went there. :) I would even consider visiting her there for a few weekends at the beginning, instead of her coming home, as I would want to limit the possibilities for her to reconnect with the other "friends". Then once she's more connected at her residential school, it should be of less concern as her priorities will probably shift.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mom2scouts]

I would homeschool or send her to the residential school. I would also let her know that she lost the chance to make the chose because of her poor decision making shown by her choice of friends.

[MamaT]

I don't think there is a choice. Academically, socially, in just about every way that is important, she needs to attend the residential school. Clearly staying at her current school is only going to result in very little academic progress and there is a strong possibility of an increased attachment to a maladaptive social environment.

 

I know some parents hesitate to insist on certain choices when the child is not 'on board' with the decision, but in this instance I hardly see how the situation could become worse if you did insist on the residential school. Adolescents are notoriously short-sighted at times, but maybe you could gently play up how selective the residential school is and how she 'deserves' to have a chance in such a school (okay, blatant attempt to appeal to her ego). She may still not agree, but it is hard to be too resentful of being coerced into doing one doesn't want to do when your folks insist it is because one is too bright to continue in one's current situation. What will she do.....argue that she really isn't bright?

 

:iagree: I would also let her know that if she purposely blows it, she will be homeschooled next year. :grouphug:

[kalanamak]

No advice, just :grouphug:

[Bluegoat]

I would probably send her to the residential school - it sounds like there is more opportunities for her there.

 

But I would make sure you can keep a close, close eye on her. Kids in those schools aren't necessarily immune from bad behavior, even if they are pretty good at keeping up appearances. And if it is a high pressure place that can have consequences as well.

 

I think in the end some kids will have to take a more rambling path to responsible adulthood. Most of the time, they still come out as responsible citizens and loving children at the end of it.

[SpecialClassical]

Well, it sounds like the Hive agrees that the RS is the best choice. I have some experience with a child like you describe. There is no convincing them of what really is best because they do NOT want to be in agreement with you.

 

If you decide to send her to the RS, I would sit down with your husband and list all the "messages" you want her to hear. She may not agree with them, but hopefully she will hear them. For instance, I would probably list her initial interest in the school as a big factor in sending her; you are respecting her opinion (from when she was in a better place). Also, I would emphasize the idea that it is way more cool to be independent of your parents and in a college-like setting at her age than stay at a school where people judge "coolness" according to things like clothing and the next best worst behavior -to-tick-off the parents, parents who still control so much of your life. Not sure how to word that one, though!

 

Also, you might want to tell her that although you would love to have two more years with her because you love her and enjoy [insert some of her previously oft seen positive characteristics here], you are willing to sacrifice your natural desires as a mom to do what is *best* for her. She may not enjoy it and you may not enjoy the choice, but it is clearly the best choice for her at this time considering her talents and circumstances.

 

Basically, choose several messages that show your care for her and use them over and over to support your decision to do what it best for her. Do not let her pull you into arguments about those statements or your decision. This is the way it is and this is why. Period. We love you, we've listened to your viewpoint and this is the decision. Smart, argumentative kids just muddy the waters when they succeed in engaging you in "thoughful" discussion about such matters. Ask me how I know!:001_rolleyes:

[justasque]

She sounds scared. And who wouldn't be, when going to a school where you don't know anyone, and they're all supposed to be super-smart. Address the fear.

[Heather in Neverland]

:iagree:I would give her these 2 choices. No way would I let her go back to her current school. Nothing good would come of staying where she is. Either of the other choices have a reasonable chance of a good outcome.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[TranquilMind]

I was a gifted student who shunned the programs I was offered in order to stay in mainstream school with my "cool" friends. Please - just send her to the residential school. Send her and don't look back regardless of whether she fights it or is miserable in the beginning. Don't discuss it anymore, just make the decision and send her.

 

This is one of those times when one's life goes off in one direction or the other. Make sure she's heading in the right direction.

Thanks. Your story is really helpful.

[TranquilMind]

I would send her. I would talk with a counselor at the residential school to let her know what's been going on' date=' so they can keep an eye on her. I'm sure they've heard this all before. I'm hoping to see posts from you in another few months about how happy you are that she went there. :) I would even consider visiting her there for a few weekends at the beginning, instead of her coming home, as I would want to limit the possibilities for her to reconnect with the other "friends". Then once she's more connected at her residential school, it should be of less concern as her priorities will probably shift.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:[/quote']

 

But she could reconnect easily via skype, laptop, Facebook ...everything I couldn't control if she is at school like I can here.

 

I know that it won't be possible to limit her there. I'm just hoping she will be redirected.

[TranquilMind]

I would homeschool or send her to the residential school. I would also let her know that she lost the chance to make the chose because of her poor decision making shown by her choice of friends.

 

I'm going to be bold and transparent here. How do you parents not fall for the, "Mom, I've really changed. I promise not to (fill in the blank again). I promise I will make a new start and get all my priorities in line."

 

I know it isn't true because I've fallen for it before - and think she actually meant it at the moment she said it - but then she goes right back into it. I guess I'm hoping she doesn't run or something if we force this. I'm a wimp. You can say it.:tongue_smilie: I never thought I was but I seem to not be able to withstand the hurricane as well these days. Plus, you can't pick her up and put her in her room until she cools down when she is the same height as me and lots stronger.

[TranquilMind]

BluegoatL: I would probably send her to the residential school - it sounds like there is more opportunities for her there.

 

But I would make sure you can keep a close, close eye on her. Kids in those schools aren't necessarily immune from bad behavior, even if they are pretty good at keeping up appearances.

 

 

I know! But how can I keep a close, close eye on her when she's not coming home every night and I have no idea what she is doing? This part concerns me too.

 

 

 

And if it is a high pressure place that can have consequences as well.

 

Again, another of my concerns. What if she can't take the pressure? More likely, the people in "her space" are going to annoy her terribly. She likes alone time and is kind of an introvert, even though she can be social. She needs to come home and recover like me. You don't get it in a dorm room.

 

I think in the end some kids will have to take a more rambling path to responsible adulthood. Most of the time, they still come out as responsible citizens and loving children at the end of it.

 

 

I pray so. I never thought of myself as an envious person at all, but I've also been feeling that here and there, when I see other parents with happy, adjusted teens who are not going through this storm. I think,"What did they do that I didn't do? How did we fail?"

[TranquilMind]

Jvander: Well, it sounds like the Hive agrees that the RS is the best choice. I have some experience with a child like you describe. There is no convincing them of what really is best because they do NOT want to be in agreement with you.

 

 

No kidding! If I told her the sun was out right now, she'd tell me I was wrong, and why, and how everything is my fault. The sun would be out if it weren't for me. :tongue_smilie:

 

If you decide to send her to the RS, I would sit down with your husband and list all the "messages" you want her to hear. She may not agree with them, but hopefully she will hear them. For instance, I would probably list her initial interest in the school as a big factor in sending her; you are respecting her opinion (from when she was in a better place). Also, I would emphasize the idea that it is way more cool to be independent of your parents and in a college-like setting at her age than stay at a school where people judge "coolness" according to things like clothing and the next best worst behavior -to-tick-off the parents, parents who still control so much of your life. Not sure how to word that one, though!

 

 

We've already done some of this, though not in a sit-down, "this is what we have decided" way.

 

Also, you might want to tell her that although you would love to have two more years with her because you love her and enjoy [insert some of her previously oft seen positive characteristics here], you are willing to sacrifice your natural desires as a mom to do what is *best* for her. She may not enjoy it and you may not enjoy the choice, but it is clearly the best choice for her at this time considering her talents and circumstances.

 

 

Noted. I like the way you worded it. She is gonna blow though.

 

Basically, choose several messages that show your care for her and use them over and over to support your decision to do what it best for her. Do not let her pull you into arguments about those statements or your decision. This is the way it is and this is why. Period. We love you, we've listened to your viewpoint and this is the decision.

Note to self: Memorize and repeat as necessary.

 

 

Smart, argumentative kids just muddy the waters when they succeed in engaging you in "thoughful" discussion about such matters. Ask me how I know!:001_rolleyes:

 

 

No kidding!

[TranquilMind]

She sounds scared. And who wouldn't be, when going to a school where you don't know anyone, and they're all supposed to be super-smart. Address the fear.

 

You know, I've been thinking about this. I'm sure there is some "fear of the unknown" here.

 

But...this is a kid who has already done an exchange in a foreign country, and a three week college residential program another summer. She seems to do well in such challenges, though she did miss her bedroom.

 

How do I address the fear? She can always come home, but she won't get back into her current school. I think that is what bothers her most. If she doesn't go back, she loses her spot to someone on the waiting list (I want to tell them to RUN!). It's not like she can just return to her local district school that has to take her.

[lllll]

:grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

Laurel-in-CA: This is probably true, but in her pre-change situation she wanted to push the boundaries in a positive way and was willing to take on this new situation. Now she wants to push the boundaries in a negative way and stay in a difficult situation. Her "friends" have not made her stronger, but weaker.

 

 

Excellent point. Yeah! I feel like I'm agreeing with everyone! :)

 

Different situation, but at the beginning of last summer my teen son and I were really struggling to be in the same house with each other...he was angry, unhappy, unproductive because of a major move. I was dreading being together with him all summer. He got a job at a nearby christian camp - great new friends, great role models, hard work, independence, beauty, and not much trouble he could get into. He loved it and came home a different kid. He couldn't wait to go back & work there again this summer, and this year I am actually missing him, which is a GREAT improvement.

 

 

That's so great. If only.....(This is NOT a Christian school. I can't find a Christian school that offers this kind of stuff).

 

Friends were the key to his change, as they are in so many ways with teens, that and having something to DO.

So, so true. She does have a job now, so that's a plus. Not a lot of hours though, being low man on the totem pole -and only 15.

 

You have a chance to help your dd find better friends, and I think if you don't you'll just get more of the same bad stuff. If she goes to the residential school, it may be a very hard summer leading up to her departure, but you have the chance of some different and much better stuff.

 

I hope so. But I still worry she will find the worst people possible there to befriend just to stick it to me.

[AuntieM]

Lol. After the day I've had, it sounds very tempting.

 

Oh, TM! I sure didn't mean to sound flip! It's just that from my seat out in the peanut gallery, the choice seems apparent. Difficult, but clear.

 

:grouphug:

I can only imagine your inner turmoil. I think you've gotten some great feedback from those who have first-hand experience.

[laughing lioness]

How do you parents not fall for the, "Mom, I've really changed. I promise not to (fill in the blank again). I promise I will make a new start and get all my priorities in line."

 

I know it isn't true because I've fallen for it before - and think she actually meant it at the moment she said it - but then she goes right back into it. I guess I'm hoping she doesn't run or something if we force this. I'm a wimp. You can say it.:tongue_smilie: I never thought I was but I seem to not be able to withstand the hurricane as well these days. Plus, you can't pick her up and put her in her room until she cools down when she is the same height as me and lots stronger.

 

You get clear on what your vision is for this kid and the relationship you have with her. You get clear about what she needs and is too immature to get for herself. You get clear that you might be the life-line that is going to keep her from a destructive life. Who do you want to be interacting with in the future? Will giving in to her pleas about having changed get you to where she needs to be or cater to her immaturity?

 

I have a friend whose older 2 kids have been in and out of rehab/jail/out of wed-lock kids because they couldn't do the tough love thing. Do what your kids NEEDS, not what they want (hopefully they'll correspond, but often they don't).

[TranquilMind]

laughing lioness: I have a friend whose older 2 kids have been in and out of rehab/jail/out of wed-lock kids because they couldn't do the tough love thing.

 

This is exactly what the cop said when he discussed where many of her classmates are headed, from hard experience and as the Dad of 5.

 

 

Do what your kids NEEDS, not what they want (hopefully they'll correspond, but often they don't).

 

Yes. My rational side knows this. My maternal side falls for the tricks.

[Slipper]

My husband is absolutely brilliant. When he started middle school he started getting into trouble and hanging with the wrong kids. He says he did it since he was bored. He was expelled from every public and private school his parents could get him into. This was quite an accomplishment since his parents were divorced/remarried (in different districts) and his grandparents also tried their districts. They are well-off so private schools were no problem, he just deliberately did things to get himself kicked out.

 

They sent him to military school. He honestly had trouble forgiving them for it, but agrees that if he had been left to public school he would probably be in jail. Currently, he has a great relationship with all of his family, so cheer up - they grow up eventually. :)

 

It's one of the reasons he insists that we homeschool at least during the middle school years.

 

In your shoes (and it sounds harsh), I'd tell her to go to the gifted school and do well or you will place her in military school where she has to earn her fun time and the school work won't be nearly as exciting. I'm sorry. :(

[Slipper]

Would it be possible to pay extra for her to have a private room?

[TranquilMind]

Would it be possible to pay extra for her to have a private room?

No. You only get a single room if your roommate can't hack it and bails after the first few weeks. It happens, but rarely. You can't request it.

 

Oh...and there is NO AC. I couldn't stand it.

[AuntieM]

No. You only get a single room if your roommate can't hack it and bails after the first few weeks. It happens, but rarely. You can't request it.

 

Oh...and there is NO AC. I couldn't stand it.

 

I lived in an unairconditioned dorm in college in a VERY warm climate. It didn't kill me. :D In fact, complaining about the heat gave us residents something to bond over.