Woman yelling at a kid in the parking lot. What would you do?

[fairfarmhand]

I was headed in the grocery store Saturday. As I was going in, another lady and her son were coming out. She was pushing a buggy filled with stuff while pulling behind her another loaded down cart. With her was a boy, probably 5-6 years old. He was trying to help push the cart behind her, but was doing more damage than help.

 

The woman was screaming at her son, swearing at him. It was so loud that many people in the parking lot stopped what they were doing and stared, including myself. I felt so sorry for that little boy and completely puzzled about what to do. I stared too, hoping that she would get the point and stop the verbal tirade. She did not.

 

I considered going over and talking to her, but to be honest she was so crazy that I was scared myself. I've agonized over that situation. What should I have done? The little boy was not crying or anything. He just calmly was saying. "Okay. I;ll stop it." as if the ranting was a normal thing for him.

 

I wonder what that little boy must deal with at home, if she can act like that in front of the whole world.

[swellmomma]

How sad for the little boy. I would have gone over to her, not about the yelling, but just to offer my help pushing a cart for her. She sounds like she was past the end of her rope, and stressed. Hopefully it is not a regular occurance, and once home and settled apologized to her son etc. So yeah, I would have offered to help push a cart, which would hopefully cuase her to stop the tirade and if it was a 1 time life just fell down around her shoulders stress thing would be a little something to help. At the same time I would get her license plate number and report her to the store manager, they could contact the authorities who could then look into the situation a little more and be sure this was a 1 off situation.

[Gentlemommy]

It depends...if it was in a public enough space, and I felt safe, I'd probably offer to help her to the car. Maybe push the cart, maybe just help get the little boy, ect. I'd ask of course, how I could help. It's tricky, because I feel like you-what must this kid be exposed to on a daily basis if he thinks this is normal? But legally, there isn't anything you can really do. Maybe this isn't normal, maybe she's just gone through a horrible situation and is stressed, who knows. I'd offer a kind word, and try my hardest to help without judgement. Sometimes that's all it takes to diffuse the situation, kwim?

[KRG]

I think the best thing to do would have been to offer help. You do not know the circumstances of what all has transpired that day or maybe the child was being a royal pita until they came out of the store--not that hollering and swearing are remotely the right thing to do when a child is misbehaving. I would NEVER contact any kind of authority in this situation. That could possibly cause more harm than good for the family. I'm appalled at how many people want to call in the authorities with so little information(I don't mean this post specifically--just I hear a lot of people ready to jump on the CPS line everytime they see something). If she had come out of the store beating the child--yes, different steps should be taken.

[Annie G]

I always fear that if I say something, the parent will later take it out on the child. So if I see a parent losing it, it feels safer to either offer to help or engage the child in some way. Sometimes in a check out line a kid will be whiny and the parent goes nuts. It's easy to engage the kid in some conversation- I have never had a parent mind me doing that- it's as if they're just glad someone else is talking to the kid so they don't have to.

[Walking-Iris]

Although it's stressful to see other parents lose it in public, especially when it's loud and mean, you really can't assume a lot from 1 situation. I'm not saying it's okay to cuss at a child...ever...but I am saying that we all have been in a place where we are stressed or tired etc and something our kids are doing that looks innocent to an outsider drives us over the edge. Unless it's an obvious mistreatment situation--hitting etc.--then I try to assume the best in people. We can't know if the mom got to the car or house and calmed down and apologized for yelling. I wouldn't want someone assuming the worst about me on the basis of the times my 4 year old has driven me to distraction in the store.

 

Again it depends on the severity. I would likely step in if a child was in physical danger. Yelling is a tricky one because it's not a guarantee that stepping in wouldn't embarrass the parent enough that they would take it out on the child even worse later kwim? I've been known to give a look at times I've seen really unnecessary scolding. But I can't know what's triggering the stress. It's not cool to take stress out on kids surely. But nearly all parents have at one time or another to various degrees. Maybe that mom isn't trying to verbally abuse, she may just have poor coping skills.

[kricau]

That is horrible!!! :(

 

I do feel bad for the boy, but it sounds as though he might be used to it :(

 

I am not sure if I would have had the guts to go and say something. But if I would have it would have been

"can I give you a hand?"

[Jennifer L]

How sad for the little boy. I would have gone over to her, not about the yelling, but just to offer my help pushing a cart for her. She sounds like she was past the end of her rope, and stressed. Hopefully it is not a regular occurance, and once home and settled apologized to her son etc. So yeah, I would have offered to help push a cart, which would hopefully cuase her to stop the tirade and if it was a 1 time life just fell down around her shoulders stress thing would be a little something to help. At the same time I would get her license plate number and report her to the store manager, they could contact the authorities who could then look into the situation a little more and be sure this was a 1 off situation.

:iagree:

[Impish]

Offering to help would have been the extent of my action.

 

You never know what is going on in someone's life. Her dh could have just died. Or perhaps another of her children.

 

I'm not saying that her behaviour was 'ok', but I wouldn't assume from seeing one incident that it's typical behaviour for the mom.

 

Heaven knows I have my less than stellar moments, and if someone witnessed one of those, might think that I need my Mommy card yanked.

 

Of course, in my REALLY less than stellar moments, I'd hand it over and run. :glare:

 

(ftr, no, I don't curse and swear at my kids, nor beat them. But I'm sure someone hearing me tell one of them, "I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. Don't even BREATHE hard towards your sibling." Or one of my kids wailing that they aren't getting to do x,y,z and my responding, "Too bad." would probably get me labelled, b/c the person hasn't witnessed the kid being warned, consequences clearly laid out, and the kid pushes, then loses his/her mind when the consequences DO happen)

[I.Dup.]

Offering to help would have been the extent of my action.

 

You never know what is going on in someone's life. Her dh could have just died. Or perhaps another of her children.

 

I'm not saying that her behaviour was 'ok', but I wouldn't assume from seeing one incident that it's typical behaviour for the mom.

 

Heaven knows I have my less than stellar moments, and if someone witnessed one of those, might think that I need my Mommy card yanked.

 

Of course, in my REALLY less than stellar moments, I'd hand it over and run. :glare:

 

(ftr, no, I don't curse and swear at my kids, nor beat them. But I'm sure someone hearing me tell one of them, "I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. Don't even BREATHE hard towards your sibling." Or one of my kids wailing that they aren't getting to do x,y,z and my responding, "Too bad." would probably get me labelled, b/c the person hasn't witnessed the kid being warned, consequences clearly laid out, and the kid pushes, then loses his/her mind when the consequences DO happen)

 

I don't think it's ever okay to scream and cuss at a child (ever) but I agree with the above. You just never know what someone is going through.

 

I would have wanted to help in some way, but I'm not sure I would have had the guts to offer to help.

[clarkacademy]

I was headed in the grocery store Saturday. As I was going in, another lady and her son were coming out. She was pushing a buggy filled with stuff while pulling behind her another loaded down cart. With her was a boy, probably 5-6 years old. He was trying to help push the cart behind her, but was doing more damage than help.

 

The woman was screaming at her son, swearing at him. It was so loud that many people in the parking lot stopped what they were doing and stared, including myself. I felt so sorry for that little boy and completely puzzled about what to do. I stared too, hoping that she would get the point and stop the verbal tirade. She did not.

 

I considered going over and talking to her, but to be honest she was so crazy that I was scared myself. I've agonized over that situation. What should I have done? The little boy was not crying or anything. He just calmly was saying. "Okay. I;ll stop it." as if the ranting was a normal thing for him.

 

I wonder what that little boy must deal with at home, if she can act like that in front of the whole world.

 

He may deal with nothing at all. My son used to run from me and when I was pregnant he was pretty hard to grab. I was at the store one day when I got a call that my now ex had been seeing another woman for over a year. He was leaving me and would really appreciate it if I would pack up our kids and move to FL so he could have his own life.

 

Yeah I screamed that day at my son to stop his crap. Maybe from the outside I looked crazed but there are times in a persons life they just can't take no more. You cannot judge by something you see. Maybe she just got a call and really needed to go and he was slowing her up. Maybe she is a crazy person but unless you know the person you just don't know what is going on.

[ssavings]

Offering to help would have been the extent of my action.

 

You never know what is going on in someone's life. Her dh could have just died. Or perhaps another of her children.

 

I'm not saying that her behaviour was 'ok', but I wouldn't assume from seeing one incident that it's typical behaviour for the mom.

 

Heaven knows I have my less than stellar moments, and if someone witnessed one of those, might think that I need my Mommy card yanked.

 

Of course, in my REALLY less than stellar moments, I'd hand it over and run. :glare:

 

(ftr, no, I don't curse and swear at my kids, nor beat them. But I'm sure someone hearing me tell one of them, "I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. Don't even BREATHE hard towards your sibling." Or one of my kids wailing that they aren't getting to do x,y,z and my responding, "Too bad." would probably get me labelled, b/c the person hasn't witnessed the kid being warned, consequences clearly laid out, and the kid pushes, then loses his/her mind when the consequences DO happen)

 

:iagree:

[DusksAngel]

Some parents don't see anything wrong with cursing. I know some parents like that, and they say it's just the way they talk.

[jelbe5]

As a parent of a child with special needs I agree with the posts that offering to help in a calm and nonjudgemental way is a good idea. It is so hard not to make assumptions, but in this instance you really don't know what was going on beforehand. I don't feel yelling and swearing at a child is acceptable, but as others have said, the woman may have been at the end of her rope due to things unseen. I have a new appreciation for this thinking . . . I am a social worker, so I have great concern for children who may be in abusive situations. But I also know how quickly an incident can escalate when people do not truly understand the situation. In December, my autistic son (who is 5 feet tall and about 150 lbs.) threw a full blown fit at the public library. My dh began to drag him out the door as he was causing a disturbance and could not be reasoned with anymore. The security officer followed them, never offering to help or attempt to find out what was wrong (my son looks so normal but spend 30 seconds trying to talk to him and you will realize he is not). Anyway, my son was flailing and then bit my dh on the hand. The security guard called the police, claiming my dh hit our son. The police came, detained my dh and took pictures of our son (who by then was all smiles and had no marks on him at all). It was horrible. My dh is more patient with our son than I am most days. He was totally humiliated. We were told DCFS would be paying us a visit. Fortunately, that has not happened and we now have new meds for our son and a plan of action should we be in that postion again (cards to hand to well-meaning strangers and we won't hesitate to have others call 911 for police or an ambulance should our son fall apart like that again). But it is a difficult situation to be in. I just wanted to try to present both sides . . . thanks for being a concerned person.

[Whereneverever]

He may deal with nothing at all. My son used to run from me and when I was pregnant he was pretty hard to grab. I was at the store one day when I got a call that my now ex had been seeing another woman for over a year. He was leaving me and would really appreciate it if I would pack up our kids and move to FL so he could have his own life.

 

Yeah I screamed that day at my son to stop his crap. Maybe from the outside I looked crazed but there are times in a persons life they just can't take no more. You cannot judge by something you see. Maybe she just got a call and really needed to go and he was slowing her up. Maybe she is a crazy person but unless you know the person you just don't know what is going on.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[chepyl]

I would have offered to help with a cart. I get stressed walking with my kids to the car with one cart, I don't yell at them, but I always make them.touch the cart of they cannot sit in it.

 

I think a little help getting her car might have calmed her down and would be less provoking than getting on to her about yelling at her child.

[justamouse]

In situations like that I just help.

 

And I might have thrown in that you can ask the cashiers to have someone take the extra cart for you and told an anecdote about how my Aunt 'cleaned' all of Grandma's china with pledge, and Grandma thanked her because that willingness to help is a precious thing.

[lionfamily1999]

I don't know that I'd do anything unless the woman was beating the kid up. I don't lose my cool often and I especially avoid doing so in public, but seriously some of you have never screamed at your kids for stuff that later you realized probably didn't warrant it, but you were just feeling at the end of your rope? I find that hard to believe.

 

WendyK, we are imperfect women that make mistakes, but there are plenty of mothers out there that are perfect. My mom is... in her own mind anyway :)

[nono]

I wonder what that little boy must deal with at home, if she can act like that in front of the whole world.

 

Please don't jump to the conclusion that all people "act better" when they are out in the world. I, for one, don't. While I do have rules for our family about not disturbing others while in public, those rules are sometimes broken. All of us in our family have a habit of volume being our first escalation for high emotions. We generally get it under control (all of us even have a key word for helping the other party get a grip!) in fairly short order, but it's taken us some practice. ;)

 

While I don't swear at my children, I do think they know most of the traditional curse words out there. In a few languages. Learned from their Mother...

[fairfarmhand]

WendyK, we are imperfect women that make mistakes, but there are plenty of mothers out there that are perfect. My mom is... in her own mind anyway :)

 

I don't know that I'd do anything unless the woman was beating the kid up. I don't lose my cool often and I especially avoid doing so in public, but seriously some of you have never screamed at your kids for stuff that later you realized probably didn't warrant it, but you were just feeling at the end of your rope? I find that hard to believe.

 

Please don't jump to the conclusion that all people "act better" when they are out in the world. I, for one, don't. While I do have rules for our family about not disturbing others while in public, those rules are sometimes broken. All of us in our family have a habit of volume being our first escalation for high emotions. We generally get it under control (all of us even have a key word for helping the other party get a grip!) in fairly short order, but it's taken us some practice. ;)

 

While I don't swear at my children, I do think they know most of the traditional curse words out there. In a few languages. Learned from their Mother...

 

 

I am not typically a judgemental person. I did have many of these thoughts cross my mind as well, but then I wondered if I was trying to make myself feel better about the situation. I do have terrible parenting days too and have lost my temper and said awful stuff to my kids. So I guess I just give the lady the benefit of the doubt.

[Mom-ninja.]

I don't know that I'd do anything unless the woman was beating the kid up. I don't lose my cool often and I especially avoid doing so in public, but seriously some of you have never screamed at your kids for stuff that later you realized probably didn't warrant it, but you were just feeling at the end of your rope? I find that hard to believe.

 

:iagree: I have screamed at my kids. I have lost my temper and yelled things like, "What the hell were you thinking?!" I'm human. I lose my temper. It's something I work on improving.

 

That said I do NOT do what my mom did to me. Let's leave it at that.

 

I don't assume a person is a bad parent if I see them yelling and/or cursing. I assume they are having a very bad day and have lost all remaining patience. I also know that children are different. There are children that exist that can drive even a saint to yell. I know cause I have one. I have eaten more than one humble pie once he entered my life.

 

 

 

I don't generally want anyone's help. I would probably feel very embarrassed, paranoid, and might verbally lash out at the person.

 

I offer to help if the parent seems really really stressed. I have been yelled at by parents who then turn frustration and embarrassment toward me. It's okay though. I just smile at them and reassure them that we all have bad days and that hopefully it'll get better soon. Then I tell them I'm sorry they are having a bad time. Usually at this point they calm a bit and sometimes give half smile back. Sometimes they just walk away.

[Luanne]

Regardless of what is going on in someone's life, that is NO excuse for abusing your children and yes, cussing out your child is verbal abuse. Most likely this is "normal" behavior for this mother and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that worse stuff was going on at home. My second husband was abusive to my daughter (who was ages 6 to 10 at the time) and would yell like that at her in public and WAY worse stuff was going on at home that even I didn't know about.

 

I don't know what I would do in this situation, but I hope someone who lives near her does something ... especially if something worse is going on. It is time to stop turning our head and acting like abusing your child/ren is all right.

[chiguirre]

You never know, the kid might have rolled the cart over her toe and broken her toe nail. I've only broken my toe nail once and I never want to revisit that pain. If my kid had done it to me, I'd probably look like a raving lunatic in the Walmart parking lot too.

 

Jelbe5, that's my worst nightmare! I'm sorry your dh had to deal with that.

[SKL]

Well, just yesterday I was yelling and cussing at MY kid in a parking lot. (In my car, but with the window down.) I was po'd at my kid, a service worker, myself, and the situation, and I probably had PMS too. This is NOT a common occurrance, but it was a lot of things piled on top of each other. It was short-lived and I calmed down, explained what was really upsetting me, and apologized to my children. And that was the end of it - UNLESS some observer decided CPS might need to pay me a visit to ensure it was a one-off situation. Ugh.

 

When we got home 10 minutes later, I had a flat tire. By that time I was in a mellow mood, and I told my kids that was God punishing me for throwing a fit. I then peacefully changed the tire and went on with my day.

 

My kids are OK. Really.

 

I agree with those who say, offer a cheerful hand to a mom in the situation the OP saw. I remember how overwhelming it was when I had to do so many things with only two hands, when my kids were babies. Maybe she's a single mom like me and she never gets a break. Or running late, trying to get to the in-laws' house before they start rolling their eyes "again." I'm surprised there are people who have never had a moment like that.

[TranquilMind]

I think the best thing to do would have been to offer help. You do not know the circumstances of what all has transpired that day or maybe the child was being a royal pita until they came out of the store--not that hollering and swearing are remotely the right thing to do when a child is misbehaving. I would NEVER contact any kind of authority in this situation. That could possibly cause more harm than good for the family. I'm appalled at how many people want to call in the authorities with so little information(I don't mean this post specifically--just I hear a lot of people ready to jump on the CPS line everytime they see something). If she had come out of the store beating the child--yes, different steps should be taken.

 

Totally agree.

[aggieamy]

I feel like I shouldn't admit this but I've yelled and cussed at my kid before in public and I can assure you she isn't abused. I know that verbal abuse is abuse but occasionally yelling and cussing isn't always abuse.

 

"LEAVE THE D*MN CART ALONE. IS IT THAT HARD? I'M GOING TO BREAK THE ARM OF THE NEXT PERSON TO TOUCH THIS CART!"

 

You can't picture saying that to an eight year old who keeps rolling the grocery cart into your foot as your trying to shop? What if you had nicely told them five times already to leave it alone? What if they were doing that and whining that they were bored and wanted to leave the store? What if they then managed to run the cart into one of those end of aisle displays of crackers and knocked some over? What if this is all happening as your are trying to pick up a few items to take over to a sick friend that you're really worried about? There are some instances where you gotta just give a gal some slack and realize we all have our off days.

[lionfamily1999]

I am not typically a judgemental person. I did have many of these thoughts cross my mind as well, but then I wondered if I was trying to make myself feel better about the situation. I do have terrible parenting days too and have lost my temper and said awful stuff to my kids. So I guess I just give the lady the benefit of the doubt.

Ok, I know exactly where you are coming from then. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings :grouphug: I deal with perfect people a lot and it makes me a little bristly iykwIm.

I often bristle when I see someone scream at their kid. I often wonder what the kid did to warrant it because from where I'm standing I don't see it. Then again, nobody's kid annoys me as much as my own. LOL I'm only partly kidding. I mean if my kids are wearing on me all day the dumbest little thing might be the last straw and that's all anyone would see, the dumbest little thing.

 

I agree.

[SKL]

"LEAVE THE D*MN CART ALONE. IS IT THAT HARD? I'M GOING TO BREAK THE ARM OF THE NEXT PERSON TO TOUCH THIS CART!"

 

You can't picture saying that to an eight year old who keeps rolling the grocery cart into your foot as your trying to shop? What if you had nicely told them five times already to leave it alone? What if they were doing that and whining that they were bored and wanted to leave the store? What if they then managed to run the cart into one of those end of aisle displays of crackers and knocked some over? What if this is all happening as your are trying to pick up a few items to take over to a sick friend that you're really worried about? There are some instances where you gotta just give a gal some slack and realize we all have our off days.

 

Just reading this makes me wanna shake a kid! :lol: It must sound familiar!

[fairfarmhand]

Ok, I know exactly where you are coming from then. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings :grouphug: I deal with perfect people a lot and it makes me a little bristly iykwIm.

 

 

I agree.

nah. I have a pretty thick skin on internet forums. I just wanted to explain where I was coming from. Sometimes it's hard to know how to react in public especially. I definitely don't want to be one of those good people who stand by and do nothing when someone's hurting a kid. Nor do I want to be one of those busybody, looking-down-my-nose people who thoughtlessly intrudes and picks everyone else apart.

 

It can be a hard balance to strike.

[lionfamily1999]

nah. I have a pretty thick skin on internet forums. I just wanted to explain where I was coming from. Sometimes it's hard to know how to react in public especially. I definitely don't want to be one of those good people who stand by and do nothing when someone's hurting a kid. Nor do I want to be one of those busybody, looking-down-my-nose people who thoughtlessly intrudes and picks everyone else apart.

 

It can be a hard balance to strike.

 

:iagree: