Big Sigh

[Tsutsie]

Do you ever wish your kids were average?

[nova147]

Yep. :grouphug:

[Grover]

some days, yes I do. :grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

At least once a day. The world is a tough place for gifted kiddos (and their parents.)

[MissKNG]

I had to think about this...

 

As difficult as my girls are, I would have to say no. Quirks and all, they are exactly perfect to me! But that doesn't mean I don't want to pull my hair out many times each day!:D

[Dmmetler]

Yes. Having grown up 2e, I would have loved nothing more for my DD to be an average, happy kid who sailed through K-12, into college in some field that is stable enough to make a living at, and into life. The LAST thing I wanted was to end up with a child who seems to have taken all the intellectual skills of BOTH parents and all the quirks of BOTH parents and added more besides! I'd much rather be concerned about the occasional C on grade level work than be worried about finding age-appropriate presentations of secondary level content for a 7 yr old!

 

I do think it's a "Grass is always greener" syndrome to some degree, though. There's a mom in my homeschool group who is constantly fretting about her younger daughter, who from my POV is just plain a wonderful kid, and seems like she'd be SO easy to parent-because she's right on grade level, very happy with box checking and "just tell me what pages to do", and doesn't seem to have any strong drives or passions-she can take or leave just about anything, and is mostly just a happy, amiable third grader. Her mother fears that because this child doesn't HAVE the intensities her older child has that she's never going to amount to anything.

[regentrude]

Do you ever wish your kids were average?

 

No. Not ever.

[regentrude]

The world is a tough place for gifted kiddos (and their parents.)

 

We found this true when our kids still attended public school.

Now that this is not the case anymore, I do not think we have any more problems than other parents of children with more typical development.

 

And as gifted adults, once you find your niche, life is actually pretty smooth. (It helps to be surrounded by other smart people at work).

[Mandy in TN]

Do you ever wish your kids were average?

I have very few fond memories of my elementary education. I usually just felt like I was wasting my time. I actually deeply hoped/ prayed that my older two would not be academically gifted. Instead I ended up with one 2E ds and a normal/ average ds. I guess I wasn't specific enough in the prayer request the first time around.:glare:

 

With the third child I was an older mom who was more concerned about healthy, so I totally forgot to request academically normal. Well, he was by far my healthiest child and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

 

(However, we are having some intensity issues right now. Also, questioning every single thing that comes out of my mouth and thinking that everything is negotiable is exhausting. These things I would like to wish away or at least wish a sound proof bubble for myself from which I can issue schedules and directives without having to explain or listen to a child who thinks that he not only has the right but the responsibility to play 20 questions with every statement.)

 

Mandy

[Beth in SW WA]

 

(However, we are having some intensity issues right now. Also, questioning every single thing that comes out of my mouth and thinking that everything is negotiable is exhausting. These things I would like to wish away or at least wish a sound proof bubble for myself from which I can issue schedules and directives without having to explain or listen to a child who thinks that he not only has the right but the responsibility to play 20 questions with every statement.)

 

Mandy

 

:grouphug:

[Donna]

No, I don't wish that.

 

I know every parent has their challenges, difficulties, and worries. Even though they may not be the same as mine, they are just as important to that parent as mine are to me. So, I'll take the gifted and the quirks because I understand them...I lived through them myself.

 

There are times when I am completely exhausted from keeping up with my youngest and her music and I might wish for a day or two off...but even then, I'd still take her just the way she is. She'll grow up one day then I'll have time to rest so I'll just enjoy her while she's here.

[EKS]

Yes. Having grown up 2e, I would have loved nothing more for my DD to be an average, happy kid who sailed through K-12, into college in some field that is stable enough to make a living at, and into life.

 

Just to point out, average kids aren't the ones who sail through K-12 and into college.

[LittleIzumi]

Nope.

 

I could do without the 2E aspect sometimes, though. :glare:

[quark]

Do you ever wish your kids were average?

 

No. I wish *I* could be more than average and more like him so I will be able to understand his brain and his anxieties better. I wish for more strength and more patience. :tongue_smilie:

[Tsutsie]

Quark - you said it well.

[Herdingmycats]

Yes.

 

Dd is more likely to be lonely as she matures. I can't remember where I read this- I read so much about giftedness when she was tested, but we tend to make friends within about 15 points of our IQs. That's the cohort that gets our jokes and shares our perspective on the world. I'm not even talking worldviews, more the ability to arrive at a worldview.

 

The number of people that fall into that range for her is low. Even the other gifted kids at her school (she was in public school until, ah, now) didn't fall into that range. I'd shave 20 points off her if it was an option.

 

Not only that, but outcome for gifted kids is really a mixed bag. In a lot of ways success (worldly defined) is harder to come by. Things will be hard for her that are easy for more typical children. I've already seen that in her school. She can't just sit and do the busy work. There's a lot of busy work in the start of most careers. That's just one example. There are others.

 

It is what it is, I love her dearly but I wish there was some term other than "gifted". It's not all gift.

[Grover]

I'd trade for a good solid above average, or even a mildly gifted.

 

Actually, I wouldn't, because they wouldn't be "my" boy... but some days I'd like to, just for a while.

[Iucounu]

Do I wish my children were less intelligent, perceptive, and capable? No. I wish my nephew with Down syndrome had more intelligence, which I know is a thought that's offensive to some.

 

I could have done without DS2's early language delay, too. If my children were 2E I would probably wish that they didn't have their problems; and of course I wish that it were easier to provide for my children in light of their differences. Those feelings are bound to occur to many parents of gifted kids at one time or another.

 

But in no way do I wish that my thoroughbred son were a mule. Nothing against mules or averageness, but I generally wouldn't wish for an inanimate object which was rare and precious to be ordinary, much less a human being with rare and precious gifts.

 

You've got to love and cherish children for who they are. I don't think it's the right attitude to wish that gifts which might involve some extra learning and work didn't exist.

[Firestar Academy]

I wish for more strength and more patience. :tongue_smilie:

:iagree::iagree:

 

Although I do like the looks my 12 year old gets as she walks down the hall at the college!!

 

Robin in nj

[angela in ohio]

Not only that, but outcome for gifted kids is really a mixed bag. In a lot of ways success (worldly defined) is harder to come by. Things will be hard for her that are easy for more typical children...

 

It is what it is, I love her dearly but I wish there was some term other than "gifted". It's not all gift.

 

Yep, this is why I responded as I did. I know some people are responding based on what it means as a parent, but I don't care about that as much (okay, yes, sometimes I do about go crazy trying to figure out what to do wtih them, but that's not too bad.) My wish is for an easier go for my dc, about what it means to them.

[deacongirl]

No, I have not wished that. Esp. with dd11--it is starting to get really fun with her, i.e. talking about Jane Austen, watching the movies, all of the cool discussions about other books she is reading, etc. etc. I am sure I will mess some stuff up, but I think that at least she has escaped some of the pit falls.

 

With dd5 I have just wished that sometimes she would sit still at dinner and stop climbing stuff...and I am just crossing my fingers that k next year is a good fit, and that I don't end up officially joining the hs community! (I would be bad at it)

 

I don't think high intelligence automatically equals lonely, I think if people know themselves they can find something they are passionate about and good at and find like-minded friends and colleagues.

 

Re: more intelligence=better, yes, I agree. My son has Down syndrome--I simply don't understand the parents who, if their kid with Down syndrome could be freed from mental retardation, wouldn't grab that opportunity for their child. I love him just the way he is--but I think he would certainly enjoy not having to work so hard to understand the things the rest of us take for granted. I think it is kind of patronizing and dehumanizing to deny people with cognitive disabilities that possiblity. And, given the strides in research in cognitive delays for people with Down syndrome, this could very well be a decision we can make in my son's lifetime.

[Runningmom80]

No, never. It would change who he is, and I think he's completely awesome.

 

 

I wish the rest of the world understood asynchronus development, that would make things easier. But do I wish he didn't have it, no, not in the slightest. I'll put up with the fine motor delays, ADD tendencies, and other general "quirks," that come along with all of the awesome conversations we have. :D

[Tsutsie]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

[Iucounu]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

Maybe, maybe not. I think that parents of MG kids might be just as or more likely to bemoan the pitfalls of giftedness, actually, just as every so often parents engage in a flurry of "me too" clains about SPD, claims of photographic memory, one-upmanship on early milestones (I once saw a mother claim that her daughter had assisted in her own delivery without a hint of sarcasm), etc.

 

If a certain claimed attribute of giftedness-- including any negative attribute-- is lent credibility within a group such that a shared-hysteria critical mass is reached, I think that some me-too mommies will convince themselves that their children suffer from just about anything to fit in. (Which of course in no way suggests that some gifted people don't feel alienated as in the other recent thread, as of course some actually do.)

 

I suspect that parents of PG children are less prone to this hysteria and more likely to be relieved when their children show normalcy in any way. However, parents of PG children certainly aren't going to be completely free from competitiveness in general. I also know one parent of a PG child who seems in my opinion to suffer from borderline Munchausen's by proxy.

Edited June 16, 2012 by Iucounu

[Mandy in TN]

But in no way do I wish that my thoroughbred son were a mule. Nothing against mules or averageness, but I generally wouldn't wish for an inanimate object which was rare and precious to be ordinary, much less a human being with rare and precious gifts.

 

<snort> I would never refer to my academically normal son as a mule nor would I refer to my academically accelerated son as a thoroughbred. People may be different, but intelligence alone certainly doesn't make someone a better human by any stretch of the imagination. Human beings do not achieve through intelligence or imagination for that matter. We achieve through diligence and determination.

 

There are plenty of underachievers with exceptionally high intelligence who do nothing with their lives and plenty of people with normal intelligence who do remarkable things.

 

Do I wish my children were less intelligent, perceptive, and capable? No. I wish my nephew with Down syndrome had more intelligence, which I know is a thought that's offensive to some.

 

I could have done without DS2's early language delay, too. If my children were 2E I would probably wish that they didn't have their problems; and of course I wish that it were easier to provide for my children in light of their differences. Those feelings are bound to occur to many parents of gifted kids at one time or another.

 

But in no way do I wish that my thoroughbred son were a mule. Nothing against mules or averageness, but I generally wouldn't wish for an inanimate object which was rare and precious to be ordinary, much less a human being with rare and precious gifts.

 

You've got to love and cherish children for who they are. I don't think it's the right attitude to wish that gifts which might involve some extra learning and work didn't exist.

Although I did find the thoroughbred comparison offensive, I strongly agree with the comments I bolded. :) Also, I didn't find the Down's Syndrome comments offensive, because in that situation I would probably feel the same way. However, I feel that the unique way my 2E (mildly dyslexic, mildly gifted) oldest ds sees the world and interacts with the world is tied to his dyslexia as much as his intelligence. It is part of who he is and, although it has presented some educational challenges, I don't think that I would risk wishing it away.

 

Mandy

[deacongirl]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

 

I don't know--my dd has DYS scores and I wouldn't change her.

[Uff Da!]

nm

[Iucounu]

<snort> I would never refer to my academically normal son as a mule nor would I refer to my academically accelerated son as a thoroughbred. People may be different, but intelligence alone certainly doesn't make someone a better human by any stretch of the imagination.

I never said better; I said rare and precious. I think that's not a bad choice of words. Gold is rare and precious because of its rarity as well as its intrinsic qualities; but it's not better in general than any other material simply because of those facts (for instance, I'd rather use steel to build the structure of a skyscraper).

 

Thoroughbred racehorses don't make the best draft animals either, and we need those (or needed them before the invention of the tractor, anyway). If the world were full of nothing but astrophysicists, there would be no one around to do all the other things that need doing. In that sense, some people with very high intelligence are just a natural part of human society; though there are fewer than those of average intelligence, both are certainly useful. I'd never say that a person with higher intelligence is more of a person, a better person, or any of that as a result.

 

Still, if you like, gifted people are better-- at the sorts of intellectual activities that make them different. They have superior abilities in some areas. They tend to learn faster and better, may be more creative, and may also be focused / driven than normal. This makes them more capable, i.e. better at doing some things.

 

It should be possible to note the rarity and specialness of intellectual gifts without angst over any of this. It's not an insult to note correctly that a person is average in a certain way, or that another is not.

 

Human beings do not achieve through intelligence or imagination for that matter. We achieve through diligence and determination.

We achieve through a combination of ability and diligence. My nephew with Down syndrome will never do a math problem, no matter how hard he tries; whole regions of human endeavor are completely closed to him. My older son will almost certainly never be a professional athlete even though he likes sports, and no matter how hard he tried it doesn't seem likely he could go to the Olympics. Etc. etc. etc.

 

There are plenty of underachievers with exceptionally high intelligence who do nothing with their lives and plenty of people with normal intelligence who do remarkable things.

I agree, but that doesn't mean that achievement depends only on hard work. Instead both ability and attitude can both limit achievement. Intelligence is always a limiting factor in an intellectual field, but only possibly so in a non-intellectual field. Effort is almost always a limiting factor in all fields, but not for a few highly motivated people.

 

However, I feel that the unique way my 2E (mildly dyslexic, mildly gifted) oldest ds sees the world and interacts with the world is tied to his dyslexia as much as his intelligence. It is part of who he is and, although it has presented some educational challenges, I don't think that I would risk wishing it away.

Overcoming adversity can result in humility and toughness, both of which are good to have, but aside from that possibility I would never wish disabilities on anyone, and would try to remediate them when possible. I imagine that you have lined up some services for your son in an attempt to do that, despite your feelings that the dyslexia is core to his personality.

Edited June 16, 2012 by Iucounu

[Kathy G]

I wish I had a better concept of what average is so I would know when to keep my mouth shut around other moms.

 

I completely agree. I have had this happen several times. The other day Moms were talking about multiplication tables and songs their kids used to remember. I told them one my daughter had used. (she is 6) Whoops! Here's to thinking before I speak!

 

I don't really wish my kids were different. Less quirky at times?- Perhaps. But as my DH likes to say "you play the hand you're dealt" In some ways this is easier for us because we both were identified as gifted and could have used more challenge in school and so we do truly understand. I know a very left brained dad who has a right brained daughter with mild dyslexia. He tries but has an incredibly hard time relating to her. So it may be easier for me, since it is the same issue.

 

I think the PG vs MG question is a good one. I wonder how much depends on personality and how much depends on the PG aspect. I did get annoyed with one gifted group we were in, because everyone there claimed to have a PG kid (seriously did no one understand the statistics on that?) It was used to explain every behavior etc. We ended up leaving. I much prefer the group I had where no one discussed scores- it made the moms less competitive! :001_smile:

[Greenmama2]

one-upmanship on early milestones (I once saw a mother claim that her daughter had assisted in her own delivery without a hint of sarcasm), etc. ]

Um, DS is my child who seems a lot more neurotypical but I recall being shocked that I could feel him kicking against me with each contraction. When my midwife said to relax and let my baby do the work I did :)

No, there wasn't a hint of sarcasm.

 

I do wish I had a better understanding of normal. I wouldn't change my DD though.

[Runningmom80]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

 

 

 

Although My DS misses the DYS cut off by 3 points, i would call him profoundly gifted if pressed. As i stated in my previous post, my answer is no, I wouldn't change him. :)

Edited June 16, 2012 by Runningmom80

[lauracolumbus]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

 

For my family-no. My older two are supposed to be mildly gifted, while my youngest is PG. My oldest exhausts me. My middle is a jewel. And my youngest keeps me on my toes. We don't have any issues other than giftedness, so that might be the difference. My oldest did have huge behavioral issues when he was young (and his speech was delayed), but we're well beyond those years. Just work ethic issues now.

 

Laura

[angela in ohio]

I wonder if this question will be answered differently by parents of mildly gifted children and those of profoundly gifted kids?

 

I would assume so. :001_smile:

[deacongirl]

I would assume so. :001_smile:

 

I don't get this. I would NOT assume so. Maybe at younger ages the asynchrony is more extreme. But my SIL is way PG and I am 100% certain that if asked if she could have changed her (as a child or now) her mother would have said no. Changed the educational opportunities that were available to her as a kid? yes. But changed the kid? (who doesn't have LDs) No. I think there is a distinction b/t PG and LDs though. If I could wave a wand and remove the inattentive ADD? You bet, in a second. It is not a gift, despite what some authors claim. My life would be better if THAT were changed.