Poll: Mommy? Or not?

[Brindee]

I'm going to make this a poll. Okay, I hope they don't get mad at me, but I want to ask this question and see what others think.

 

My ds14 still calls me Mommy. Not in a whiny-baby way, but that's just my "title" to him. In fact, my ds17 does too sometimes when he's home. I thought of it as being a close-knit loving family. I know lots of ladies that still call their dads Daddy.

 

A lady at church told me she thinks it's weird. They shouldn't use childish terms. People are going to think poorly of them, and think they're whimpy or gay or something. HUH???! See, I must not get out enough, cuz I NEVER saw it that way until she said that.

 

Now that she mentioned it, I DO realize not many teenage boys call their mom mommy, BUT, they also don't have a close relationship with their parents. When I was 12 I switched over to Mom and Dad just because I felt like it, not because of pressure or any problems with them.

 

So there it is. What are your thoughts?

 

Thankyou!

[newbie]

I think mommy is special and wish I could get it back, both my dd's call me mom, and sometimes the derogatory(in my opinion)" mother'.

 

Jet

[SapphireStitch]

I voted for "not weird" because my brothers and I did the same thing at that age. We gradually moved to calling our parents "Mom" and "Dad", but I don't remember at what age. I did get teased about it as a teenager.

 

Perhaps in retrospect I wish my parents would have said to us "Start calling us Mom and Dad", so that I would have known it was okay with them. My mom called her parents "Mama" and "Daddy" to the day they died, though, so I don't know if she would have ever told us to change.

 

As I'm typing this and thinking it through it occurs to me that maybe the only thing weird is that anyone even cares what other people's children call their parents.:confused:

[Scarlett]

As I'm typing this and thinking it through it occurs to me that maybe the only thing weird is that anyone even cares what other people's children call their parents.:confused:

 

:iagree:

 

(I like to be called Mommy. Ds8 does some of both Mom and Mommy)

[Ashleen]

I didn't stop calling my mom "mommy" until I was well into my twenties. I still call my dad "daddy." I usually remember to say, "my mom" or "my dad" when I talk about them to other people, but with my brother I still call them mommy and daddy (except one Christmas when my brother was home from Iraq and I was sitting next to him on the couch and accidentally said, "My dad..." and he said, "Your dad?!")

[Greta]

it occurs to me that maybe the only thing weird is that anyone even cares what other people's children call their parents.:confused:

 

:iagree:

 

I voted not weird, but maybe I'm "weird" too because I am 34 and still call my Dad "Daddy" and my Mom either "Mom" or "Mama". I just think it's sweet and affectionate. I certainly wouldn't think your son was a wimp for calling you Mommy. If I thought twice about it at all (which I probably wouldn't) I would just think he is very close to you.

[Jenny in Atl]

As long as you don't mind it, she should be able to call you whatever she is comfortable calling you. Tell the church lady to mind her own beeswax. Better things she should be fussing about. :glare:

[Ashleen]

People are going to think poorly of them, and think they're whimpy or gay or something. HUH???!

 

I'd better send my Marine brother an email ASAP to stop saying mommy and daddy before someone thinks he's a huge wimp! :lol:

[Kay in Cal]

As I'm typing this and thinking it through it occurs to me that maybe the only thing weird is that anyone even cares what other people's children call their parents.:confused:

 

:iagree:

 

My younger son calls us "mama" and "daddy", but my older ds generally calls us by our first names. He has occasionally started calling me "mama" (copying his younger brother), but always calls dh by his name. We never taught him to do this, taught him "mama" and "dada" as a baby--but by the time he was 2 he was calling me "Kay" and dh "Doug".

 

I can't tell you the number of times that he has been corrected by church members or total strangers--"Don't call your mother that! You need to be respectful, she's "mommy" to you!" I usually say, "I don't mind him using my name, thank you." Now that he is older (6!), we get this a lot less, but still occasionally. Mostly I think people just assume that dh or I are his step-parent, but when he was little... sheesh, folks like to be busybodies!

[Brindee]

Well, so far the comments say mostly the same, but the votes are also saying it's weird, but with no comments??? Hopefully people will make comments so I know where they're coming from. :)

[Ashleen]

sheesh, folks like to be busybodies!

 

:iagree: You ain't kiddin'.

[nakitty]

I put...well it's ok but.... so I will explain...LOL

 

My thoughts are that Mommy and Daddy are childish terms that are generally outgrown....usually saved for occassions when a child is trying to suck up...as in: "Mommmmmmyyyyyy, can I please borrow the car...I promise I will return it unharmed and with gas! Pllllleeeeeaaaasssse!?!" Other than those times...I would find it odd that a teenager+ still used the terms. Now, that is just me...and my opinion. And I would just find it odd...I certainly wouldn't think it was wayyy out there or an indication of sexual preference....or a clue into the toughness of a person. LOL And I most certainly would NEVER tell a Mother that she needed to put a stop to her child(ren) calling her anything that she was ok with being called...some people really do have gall....ugh.

[Colleen]

My thoughts are kinda mixed. On the one hand, I call my own parents "Mommy" and "Daddy". So do my siblings (two brothers and a sister) ~ all of whom are in their 40s. Well, one brother does now say "Mom" and "Dad", but I'm not sure when that started. I know for a fact that well into adulthood, he still said Mommy and Daddy.

 

I'm not sure why we never stopped calling them that. Fwiw, I don't think it has anything to do with the closeness of the relationships. I mean, I get along well with my parents, but I absolutely would not say our family is "close". I guess part of it is that my mother is German, and in German the term "Mom" doesn't exist. Hans and all his siblings call their parents Mami and Papi, for example. But that's typical in their culture. If Hans was American, and calling his mother "Mommy", I have to admit it'd grate on my nerves a bit. My mother did ask not to be called Mom, now that I think about it. So the Mommy (and Daddy) titles were just our norm, and none of us were the types to be cowed by societal standards in that sense.

 

My older two boys just started calling me "Mom" of their own volition a couple of years ago; I'm not sure why. At first, it bothered me because like my own mother, I don't care for that word either. "Mom". Something about it feels so impersonal to me. But I have to admit, I wouldn't be wholly comfortable having a bunch of teenaged boys calling me Mommy in public. It just strikes me as kinda wimpy, to be honest.

 

Btw, what is it with nosey parkers in the church body? I'm trying to fathom how that woman at church went about telling you her opinion of what your son calls you. I'm reminded of the man I barely knew (he was new to our church at the time) coming up to me after the service and telling me I'm spending too much time in the sun. What the...? In his defense, I came to find out his mom had skin cancer, so the subject is justifiably on his radar. Still, to just open up virtually your first conversation with someone like that? Odd!:tongue_smilie:

 

ETA ~ I rambled and never said how I voted! I went with "It's not weird, but..." I'm willing to admit I'm weird. LOL

[newbie]

I wonder what church lady would have said if they called you Brindee.

 

Jet

[Plaid Dad]

I have to admit that I would find it a little odd for a boy of that age to say "Mommy" in public, and as a parent, I would be more worried that he'd be teased by his peers than about what some random woman at church thinks.

 

But it would be a very, very small blip on my mental radar, and depending on the kid, I might also think, "How cool that he has such a close relationship with his mother!" If it doesn't bother you and it doesn't bother him, what's the harm?

[Spy Car]

Funny, we're going though the opposite (I'd don't want to call it) "problem".

 

Several months back our almost 4 year-old started trying out "Mom".

 

Mom? Sounded so funny to my ears to hear our little man calling my wife Mom.

 

Bill (who is still "Daddy")

[JudoMom]

Well, I voted that I think it's weird. In my defense, though, I wouldn't tell you to put a stop to it :D.

 

I don't know exactly why I think it's weird, but something about it just rubs me the wrong way. It might be because the people I know who do this (which is a VERY limited sample) have some dysfunction in their relationships (I'm not saying you do at all!). It also seems childish to me, but that's just probably me being conditioned to cultural norms or something.

 

You asked, I told. I'm not saying my reasons or good ones, but they're the best I can figure out. Once again, I'd like to point out I wouldn't tell you to put a stop to it :D.

[Brindee]

TO this lady's defense, she feels motherly toward me, since my mom doesn't live around here. She wasn't really trying to rude to me, BUT, it was VERY clear in her mind that it was absolutely wrong in her mind. So, since I was thinking about it, I wondered what others really DID think.

 

My ds17 and my ds14 use mom in public now. DS14 is still having some trouble saying mom still though! :) It sounds unnatural to him right now. But, for us, them still saying mommy is a sign of closeness/connection/I still love you type of thing.

 

And see, I can understand others being uncomfortable with it. Yet, I don't know how to say NOT to call me mom. Oh, and mom is absolutely fine with me! But Mother---no way! When I was growing up, mother was used as a derrogatory term, so it grates on me when I hear it. Yet, I have friends who grew up calling their mom mother, and it's a loving term to them. So it all depends. I KNOW people would think it's weird, so I appreciate those of you that say what you think! :) If I REALLY think about it, I would probably think it was a little stange myself if I heard a teenage boy say mommy. BUT, since I know my situation and know what it means, then, I am thinking differently now, I guess. :) It's a good lesson for me not to judge what others say and do, cuz I don't know their background or story!

[bairnmama]

I switched to Mom in Jr. High, but my dh is 30 and a sniper in the Marines and he still calls his parents 'Momma' & 'Daddy' to anyone and everyone who may be around to hear. I don't think anyone has the guts to tease him about it, though. ;) I used to think it a little weird, but now it sounds really sweet and shows a lot of respect, I think.

[I talk to the trees]

My mother called her father "Daddy" until the day he died. When dh and I are referring to one another, we'll say, "Go ask Daddy," or "If Mommy says yes, then it's okay." But dd pretty much stopped with the "y" endings around age 5. She now calls me "Mom" with about a dozen syllables, especially when she's irritated, and I rather miss the "Mommy" stage. So I say enjoy it while it lasts!

 

-Robin

[Sugarfoot]

I know several accomplished, "masculine" men who still use "Mommy" or "Mama", and it makes them seem so confident. (and sweet!):)

[sleepy]

I say not weird. I only have one left who still calls me Mommy (3yo dd), and I'll really miss it if she stops.

[ereks mom]

He is not immature, not a "Mama's boy", not a nerd, not a sissy... He's a normal, regular ol' young man, definitely masculine, and secure in who he is. He has a great relationship with me -- and with his dad, who has always been "Daddy", BTW. We are a very close family, and he is well-liked by all who know him. So no, there's NOTHING weird about your ds calling you Mommy.

[Danestress]

If my husband called his mother "Mommy" it would probably irritate me.

 

I don't think it's "weird" that your kids call you Mommy. I think it's far more weird that, however well intentioned, someone would feel that's an issue that needs addressing in your church. However, since you asked what we just think about it, off the top of my head? I don't think the word "mommy" is associated in my mind with family closeness. I'm not sure why. I don't think a teenaged boy saying, "Mom" is somehow less close to his mother than a boy who calls her "Mommy" or "Elizabeth." These things aren't about closeness to me in my own mind.

 

It sounds very childish to me, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I do think it's a bad thing that your friend believes you ought to care what she thinks about whether your child calls you Mom or Mommy. I guess I would ask her if this is just one of a number of things that make her think there is a problem (maybe on a number of levels she thinks they are "weird") or if it's really just all about the name.

[WTMindy]

I love that my 9yos still calls me Mommy and he doesn't yet know that it isn't "cool". :-) My 11yod also still calls me Mommy, but I don't think she would be embarrassed by it either way. I will be sad when he stops feeling comfortable with that word!

[Aubrey]

Well...*my* mom can't stand the term "mommy"--it makes her cringe when *little* kids say it, lol. So growing up, we called her "mother."

 

Having been raised this way, I've never been fond of the title, but I DO think MY mom is overboard about it. She's very un-affectionate anyway (I know now). I mean, by the time I was in college, I was pointing out to her that she never said, "I love you," never hugged us, etc.

 

Anyway, having been scarred by that (lol), I *know* I'm not in a position to judge what's normal. For me, I wanted something gentler than "mother" for my dc when they were (are, still) little, but something that would grow w/ them, too, iykwim. I'm "Mama." Works for us.

 

But the "mommy" thing--I think it's a little weird that your friend commented. That said, if it wouldn't break your or your ds's hearts...it might be a good time for a transition?

 

One thing I *know.* It's VERY cool that you & your dss have a relationship that would allow "mommy" to go w/ them that far into adolescence. Good job!

[Brindee]

Well...*my* mom can't stand the term "mommy"--it makes her cringe when *little* kids say it, lol. So growing up, we called her "mother."

See, I grew up with those words switched--we did NOT like mother, but used mommy or mom. :)

 

Anyway, having been scarred by that (lol), I *know* I'm not in a position to judge what's normal. For me, I wanted something gentler than "mother" for my dc when they were (are, still) little, but something that would grow w/ them, too, iykwim. I'm "Mama." Works for us.

I like mama too. It didn't stick though, for some reason. My kids went to mommy right away, not sure why?

 

But the "mommy" thing--I think it's a little weird that your friend commented. That said, if it wouldn't break your or your ds's hearts...it might be a good time for a transition?

I've thought of that. Just not sure how to change it......if I were to change it, that is. :) I wouldn't want them to think I don't appreciate it. I have two older siblings, and we just all switched over around age 11 or 12. My kids just never switched over....

 

One thing I *know.* It's VERY cool that you & your dss have a relationship that would allow "mommy" to go w/ them that far into adolescence. Good job!

Thanks, I LOVE that I love my teenage boys, and even more that they love me! :001_wub:

[3lilreds in NC]

I responded "other," because I think it's an individual family thing. I think I would feel weird having a teenager call me Mommy, but I don't have one yet, so I can't say for sure. :D However, I have heard other people do it, as adults, and while I think it's a bit odd, it doesn't inspire visions of weirdness or anything - just a quick mental "Hmmm, interesting."

 

I have a friend whose children called her mother, "Grandmommy" and it was just the most beautiful thing. It moved me to tears, to read about Grandmommy in her scrapbook after her mother's death.

 

I have heard "Daddy" a lot more than Mommy, I think, as people get older, but I think whatever your children want to call you, when said with love and respect, is just fine! They are terms of endearment, and as such are very personal. (I am with Danestress, though, that if my dh called his mother, "Mommy," it would bother me a lot. It would really creep me out in fact. So I'm glad he doesn't. I will not, however, mind a bit if my tiny boy calls me Mommy forever and ever!:lol:)

[Amy loves Bud]

I said "Okay, but..."

 

Bud and his older brother still call their mother mommy. Actually they *call* her "Ma", but refer to her as "mommy" when speaking with one another.

 

I find it bizarre. Though there is nothing odd about any of their relationships (well no more odd than any other family relationships anyway), and I've never said anything about it because it's Not My Business, I still find it really weird.

 

So, imo, it's okay but weird! And it is Not My Business, nor is the lady at church's business. So if you like them to call you mommy, then enjoy it. They are your children and that's what matters.

 

Amy, aka Mom

[Shelbelle7]

Not only do my 14 and 16yo boys both call me Mommy, my dh and his brothers (ages 49, 45 and 44) also still call their mother Mommy. My boys address me as Mommy. My dh and his bros address their mother as Ma, but when talking about her they all call her Mommy (as does my fil when speaking of her.) I don't mind it at all. :)

[Lisa at Home]

How weird? I don't know. I don't tend to pay much attention to things that don't affect me, as in what other people do. But, for me, it's weird.

 

I just never could stand the sound of mommy. It grates on my nerves to no end like fingernails down a chalkboard, and I discouraged my children from using the word. When they were young, they called me mama, but that has been shortened now just to mom.

 

Maybe my way is weird. The only difference is I don't care what other people think!:D

 

ETA: My own mother never cared for the term either, and we never called her mommy, so I guess it was an inherited thing.

 

 

 

~Lisa

[Shelbelle7]

 

I voted not weird, but maybe I'm "weird" too because I am 34 and still call my Dad "Daddy" and my Mom either "Mom" or "Mama". I just think it's sweet and affectionate.

I'm 43 and I also still call my dad Daddy. I usually call my mother Mom, but when I talk about her I call her Mama.

[Amy loves Bud]

Not only do my 14 and 16yo boys both call me Mommy, my dh and his brothers (ages 49, 45 and 44) also still call their mother Mommy. My boys address me as Mommy. My dh and his bros address their mother as Ma, but when talking about her they all call her Mommy (as does my fil when speaking of her.) I don't mind it at all. :)

 

Really? That's just what I wrote! Bud (47) and his brother (49 and a Fire Chief) refer to their mom as Mommy but call her Ma.

 

Are they from New Jersey by any chance? I always wondered if it was regional. I'm from Texas and it's Mama and Mom as far as I'm concerned.

[Susan in TX]

My 19 year old adult daughter still calls me Mommy and I think it's sweet. There is nothing wrong with your son calling you Mommy if he wants to.

 

Susan in TX

[94txaggie]

My sister's husband and all of his siblings call their mother Mommy. At first, it caught me off guard only because I had never heard an adult address their parent with that term. But now I think it's sweet.

[Plucky]

Only my youngest calls me Mommy. The rest call me Mom. I might think it odd that older kids call their mom Mommy but that's just because I'm not used to it.

 

I don't undersand why people have to force their own views on others anyway. If I did think it was weird, so what? No one needs to change their lives just because someone thinks what they are doing is "weird." I think it's really, really weird that this woman felt the need to share her opinion with you. Ick.

[Chris in CA]

Not at all, I think its sweet

[JFSinIL]

It is no one else's business what your kids' call you.

[Colleen]

...is the implication that older children/adults calling their mother "Mommy" indicates a close relationship ~ or that there's something notably sweet or nice about it. I think some people just keep saying "Mommy" because...well, I don't know why! But as I said earlier, in my birth family, we kept using it because it was our norm. It wasn't necessarily an indicator of an unusually close relationship.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I think it is FINE... as long as he doesn't feel presured to call you that. As long as your son knows that it won't hurt your feelings to be called "mom". If he is ok, with it, why worry?

 

My son just asked if he could call me mom... he is going to be nine in two days. But, he is already forgetting and calling me mommy. I don't care what he calls me as long as he is respectful.

[Kris]

I didn't vote because I'd have to actually hear it to have my own opinion -- which doesn't matter anyway! I'm "Mom" and can't imagine my son calling me anything else. I couldn't tell you, at this point, if he ever called me "Mommy" -- unless he was being silly and asking for something (again!). But considering what some children and parents are calling each other these days, I think "Mommy" would be a definite step up! LOL!

 

If you and your kids are comfortable with "Mommy" then I don't know why it should bother anyone else! I think The Church Lady was off base and should mind her own business. Some people just have *way* too much extra time on their hands!

 

You obviously have a great relationship with your kids. I'd just enjoy the "title" if I were you. :-)

[Tracy in Ky]

Ds 13 (will be 14 in Oct.) still calls me Mommy. It's fine. It's just what he calls me. Dd8 calls me Mama.

[Pajama Mama]

I voted for "it's ok" I actually think it's perfectly fine to call your mom "mommy" at any age. However, other kids may tease them. Some kids will pick on anything. Hearing a boy call his mom "mommy" will guarantee the "mama's boy" line. It's not fair but it probably will happen.

 

I do think it was out of line for that lady to say that though. *I* wouldn't tell my best friend that her kids were "weird". That lady should mind her own business.

[Laurel]

I still call my father "Daddy," and my mother is either "Mommy," "Mother," or, more commonly, her first name. (She doesn't tend to answer to Mom, etc. so my sisters and I gave up, and started using her first name. So I don't think it's weird (though I do remember as a teen thinking that it was weird or childish that I still called them Mommy and Daddy, but I never upgraded to Mom and Dad).

 

I didn't stop calling my mom "mommy" until I was well into my twenties. I still call my dad "daddy." I usually remember to say, "my mom" or "my dad" when I talk about them to other people, but with my brother I still call them mommy and daddy (except one Christmas when my brother was home from Iraq and I was sitting next to him on the couch and accidentally said, "My dad..." and he said, "Your dad?!")

 

When my sisters and I are talking, however, we always say "your mother," or "your father." I'm not sure how it started, and I know it sounds really weird to people around us ("What? Isn't her mother your mother too...?"), but we've been saying it for so long that it's totally normal to us.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm actually laughing, because I thought only kids in movies called their parents "mommy" and "daddy" past early childhood! So yeah, I think it's weird, but maybe it's not weird in your cultural context.

:)

Rosie

[Brindee]

I think this is interesting!

 

In OUR situation, it IS a closeness thing, so that's why I'd refer to it as a close family thing, but I see Colleen's point about it not always meaning that--habit comes into play too.

 

I noticed some people that think mommy sounds weird/different allow their kids to call them by their first name. That would've been a slap in the face in my family! RESPECT and all, you know (the theory being that kids who call their parents or other adults by their first names treat those adults as pals/friends and do not have the proper respect for elders because of it). So to me, my kids calling me by my first name would grate on my nerves, it just wouldn't be allowed! None of them did that though, so it worked out well.

 

Although, there were some friends from church who had kids our kids ages and older. A group of 3 families, and the kids called the adults Auntie (their name) and Uncle (their name). We'd been around them a lot, so my ds now 14 heard them call me Auntie Deena (my real name). One lady, I can't even remember who, leaned over and asked him how he was doing, what's your brother's name, then asked, What's your Mommy's name? He answered, "Auntie Deena!" So for a short time he was confused, and sort of called me by my first name, you could say! ;)

 

I DO think it has a LOT to do with where you're from--out west we just don't use Ma, though I hear it in NJ and NY! We used Mama when babies, Mommy when younger, then Mom when a little older.

 

If I think about it, I really do think my initial reaction to hearing a teen call their mom Mommy, would be that it sounded kind of strange. But then I'd have to think about it to figure out what I really thought.

 

I didn't mean to put that lady down. She, as you could tell, doesn't beat around the bush! But if you are her friend, she'd die for you if it came to that--she is fiercely loyal! So I think she was not wanting my sons to be teased, just as some of you mentioned could happen. She's just a lay it all out person! :) When we first were getting to know that family, she said, "Hey, you ARE nice! I didn't like you at all at first! Nope, not at all. I thought you were pretty snooty! But I think you were just shy.":001_huh::tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie, America is such a conglomeration that who knows what's "normal" here! :D As you see from the other posts, it kind of depends how you're raised. Some people said Mommy grates on them like chalkboard. That's how mother is to me. I never really thought about the cultural type aspects.

 

I do know that we have some Philipino friends and their kids call their dad Papa, and their mom Mama. Is Papa a cultural thing too, I wonder? Anyway, I appreciate ALL your answers and thoughts!

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't think it's anyone's business what your children call you and secondly, I think people can make an issue out of anything.

 

In the great scheme of things, does it really matter?

[VaKim]

I didn't read through all the comments, so sorry if this is a repeat. But I wonder if this could possibly be a regional thing to some extent? I call my parents Mama and Daddy, and I am 42. My 13 yo. dd calls me Mommy, and we don't think a thing about it. Most everyone around where we live call their parents Mama and Daddy though. I think there are much more important things to worry about. :)

[MyThreeSons]

I voted other. I think it makes the kids sound so young. We didn't tell our kids what to call us, but somewhere along the way dh and I started referring to each other as Mom and Dad rather than Mommy and Daddy, and the guys followed.

 

We have friends whose 17, 16 and 14 yo sons still say "Mommy". I find it amazing that the guys on the soccer team don't make fun of them when they call out across the field, "MOMMY!! Do you have my water bottle?"

[Caroline]

Like Colleen, I don't understand how mommy indicates closeness or sweetness. My older kids call me mom. My dd calls me mommy. The baby calls me mama. He calls his dad by first name, though, and it is not out of disrespect. It is just what he hears me call him.

 

What I am trying to say is that what my kids call their father and me has absolutely nothing to do with how close we are or how much respect they have for us.