Henriettakittycat Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 So she goes to the Bible study that I go to once a week. She seems to think that because our names are similar and we both lost our sons, that we have sooooo much in common. She's loud, brash, and obnoxious and always has to make sure everyone knows her opinions on everything. Her son died 30 years ago and was 4. Mine died a year ago and was 18. She's, by her own words, over it. Me, no. Not over it, not sure I ever will be. Anyhoo, the other day we were at the study and the leader asked how Mother's Day went for me. I was honest and told the group that it went fine because my husband and I made the decision to cancel the day. We slept in, made a nice breakfast, and then watched Back to the Future videos the rest of the morning. In the afternoon we did a little shopping and then roasted hot dogs and marshmallows in our backyard fire pit. We decided that the parent who's "day" it is gets to decide if we go to church or not from now on and that for now anyway, I have no intention of going to church on Mother's Day. I had a bad experience at church last year which was less than two months after our son died. Wacky flipped out. "You aren't going to church on those days! Ever? Isn't that giving the enemy a foothold in your life!" I was calm on the outside. On the inside I wanted to pinch her head off. I told her that it wasn't her decision to make, that we did what was best for us, that I don't appreciate being judged about it, and that it was not open for discussion. My friend tried to tell her about the experience we had last year but Wacky would not listen. She flipped out again. The leader tried to calm her down and she kept going on and on about "faithful are the wounds of a friend" and how right she was to bully me into going to church every Sunday and not give the enemy a foothold in my life! The leader finally convinced her that it wasn't her place to correct me on this and she calmed down. She said she was sorry I felt judged by her. I said ok. The leader told her that it is fine to say sorry but if she really meant it she'd put feet on it. I got an email yesterday from the leader saying how sorry she was to have started something and that she has been trying to make Wacky see how she comes across but that Wacky just won't listen and thinks it's her job to let everyone know how they don't measure up to her expectations. Thankfully there are only two weeks left. I told the leader I may not be back next fall if she is there because it's not a safe place for me. The leader said that she may not be back but if she is maybe we'll do two groups. I don't know how the others in the group feel about her but I wonder if they have picked up on her loud brashness too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfmeis Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I am so sorry. ((hug)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 It boggles my mind how someone can be that clueless and insensitive. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 It boggles my mind how someone can be that clueless and insensitive. :grouphug: :iagree: I hope she's not there next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I am sorry for your loss and for having to deal with Wacky. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiffanieh Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm sitting at a sub shop reading this on my phone, very choked up. I am so sorry. I read your signature and about lost it. No one can understand what it's like what you've had to personally walk thru. My heart hurts and I don't even know you. I am a very regular churchgoer...and I am probably with you, on Mothers Day I would want to honor it in a way that is private. Allow me to spend time remembering my son, and if that included sobbing in big buckets of tears, I certainly wouldn't want to be around hundreds of other people. Don't give this woman any thought whatsoever. You do what you want to do and know that Jesus isn't bothered by it so why should she!? We are the church...not a building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Ack! How painful for you. I think for now it would be best to avoid her. If she starts up again at the next study, and it becomes too much you could just step outside and pray God shows her how her actions affect you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 How miserable. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Especially at such a sensitive time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm sitting at a sub shop reading this on my phone, very choked up. I am so sorry. I read your signature and about lost it. No one can understand what it's like what you've had to personally walk thru. My heart hurts and I don't even know you. I am a very regular churchgoer...and I am probably with you, on Mothers Day I would want to honor it in a way that is private. Allow me to spend time remembering my son, and if that included sobbing in big buckets of tears, I certainly wouldn't want to be around hundreds of other people. Don't give this woman any thought whatsoever. You do what you want to do and know that Jesus isn't bothered by it so why should she!? We are the church...not a building. :iagree: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henriettakittycat Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm trying to see the humor in her because she is so outrageous it's funny. But in reality, the other day I was ready to just go off on her. During the study she was quoting scripture every chance she got and said, "I have a spiritual gift!" over and over until someone finally asked her what she meant. "The Holy Spirit gives me scriptures for every situation." The leader asked her what the reference was and she said, "He doesn't give me the references, just the scriptures!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm trying to see the humor in her because she is so outrageous it's funny. But in reality, the other day I was ready to just go off on her. During the study she was quoting scripture every chance she got and said, "I have a spiritual gift!" over and over until someone finally asked her what she meant. "The Holy Spirit gives me scriptures for every situation." The leader asked her what the reference was and she said, "He doesn't give me the references, just the scriptures!" Some more hugs! :grouphug: And a quote. “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.†It is from a bumper sticker but would be a great comeback if she messes with you again. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henriettakittycat Posted May 18, 2012 Author Share Posted May 18, 2012 Some more hugs! :grouphug: And a quote. “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.†It is from a bumper sticker but would be a great comeback if she messes with you again. :001_smile: I like! A couple weeks ago we were talking about something during the study. I mentioned that if abortion had been legal in 1968/1969 that my husband and I wouldn't be here. She blurted out an obnoxious question. I told her I wasn't going to answer her because I wasn't done with my point. After I finished she blurted it out again, "Married woman get abortions? I thought only loose, neer-do-wells did that!" and someone corrected her. I do feel bad for her because I'm sure no one likes her. But at the same time she puts it on herself. She needs prayer. More than I can give her I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 :grouphug: It sounds like you handled yourself with grace and dignity, despite a really wretched individual. So sorry you had to deal with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegularMom Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm so sorry. Yes, she needs prayer. But I'm sure there are others who will cover that. You just need to do right for yourself. Which it sounds like you are. ((((((((hugs)))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I am sorry for your loss and for having to deal with Wacky. :iagree: I'm sitting at a sub shop reading this on my phone, very choked up. I am so sorry. I read your signature and about lost it. No one can understand what it's like what you've had to personally walk thru. My heart hurts and I don't even know you. I am a very regular churchgoer...and I am probably with you, on Mothers Day I would want to honor it in a way that is private. Allow me to spend time remembering my son, and if that included sobbing in big buckets of tears, I certainly wouldn't want to be around hundreds of other people. Don't give this woman any thought whatsoever. You do what you want to do and know that Jesus isn't bothered by it so why should she!? We are the church...not a building. :iagree: It sounds like you handled yourself with grace and dignity, despite a really wretched individual. So sorry you had to deal with her. :iagree: I'm so sorry. Yes, she needs prayer. But I'm sure there are others who will cover that. You just need to do right for yourself. Which it sounds like you are. ((((((((hugs)))))))) :iagree: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Poor wacky woman sees life and faith through her eyes only. Many people of great faith do not attend church every week. I think you are wise to avoid your triggers. I am sorry for your loss and I can't imagine your grief. :grouphug: Personally I would not show up for the remaining weeks. No one deserves to be brow-beaten because they are making personal choices to protect themselves. That will probably get you on her prayer list :tongue_smilie: but it might get her on a few as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Good grief. :grouphug: Where are all these people coming from, anyway!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry. She may have Asperger's or something, so try not to take her lack of social skills personally. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 She's over it??? My grandmother lost her 7-year-old son almost fifty years ago. My mother lost her infant son almost twenty years ago. Life has gone on for both of them, but neither would say that they got over it. I am so sorry. My mother still avoids church on certain days that do nothing but bring back painful memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 She's over it??? My grandmother lost her 7-year-old son almost fifty years ago. My mother lost her infant son almost twenty years ago. Life has gone on for both of them, but neither would say that they got over it. I am so sorry. My mother still avoids church on certain days that do nothing but bring back painful memories. I am the oldest. My mother lost her second child about an hour after birth almost exactly one year later. She never got over it athough to her great credit she never let it effect my birthday. I can't even imagine someone telling her how she should have behaved or felt though. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I think you must have run into one of my relatives. I am so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Sounds like you handled it amazingly well, and the leader did as well. What kind of person refuses to take the hint when others flat out tell them they are acting inappropriately? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I am the oldest. My mother lost her second child about an hour after birth almost exactly one year later. She never got over it athough to her great credit she never let it effect my birthday. I can't even imagine someone telling her how she should have behaved or felt though. :001_huh: I don't understand that either. My mother still talks about the baby she lost after she had me (I was two) 33 years ago. And one of the things that makes her the angriest is the people who told her she should just deal with it and get on with her life. To the OP :grouphug:. The Lord never said we had to be in a specific building on a specific day to worship him. He understands why you didn't go and that's all that matters. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 oh my word. Wacky is a very kind word for that behavior. How gracious of you not to smack her. At least the leader gets it, though she is apparently powerless to stop the trainwreck. Ugh. I am with you... I don't understand "over it." I'm very sorry for your loss and the additional pain Wacky brings to your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 oh my word. Wacky is a very kind word for that behavior. How gracious of you not to smack her. At least the leader gets it, though she is apparently powerless to stop the trainwreck. Ugh. I am with you... I don't understand "over it." I'm very sorry for your loss and the additional pain Wacky brings to your life. :iagree: What an awful woman. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I don't understand that either. My mother still talks about the baby she lost after she had me (I was two) 33 years ago. And one of the things that makes her the angriest is the people who told her she should just deal with it and get on with her life. To the OP :grouphug:. The Lord never said we had to be in a specific building on a specific day to worship him. He understands why you didn't go and that's all that matters. :grouphug: Yes, people told my mom that since the baby only lived an hour it wasn't like she was attached to it. :confused: Honestly, I can't even imagine what kind of person could be so lacking in empathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Sometimes I think stupid thoughts. A long time ago, when I was a kid, I learned not to express them out loud. :grouphug: to the OP for having to deal with a person who hasn't learned that lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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