Help me tame my toddler...

[A home for their hearts]

before I loose my mind! He is wild and I don't know what to do with him. He screams, he hits, he screams, he pounds, he screams, he gets into EVERYTHING, did I mention he screams? ;) Out of all my 5 dc none of them have been this horrible at 2. Sure I've had some worse then others but he takes the cake! He is wearing me down, and out. I can't get any school work done with the older kids when he is awake because he is either getting into something, making noise, or hitting his 4 year old sister. I dread waking up everyday because he takes so much energy out of me. I'm at my wits end, any advice? Maybe a stiff drink?

[justamouse]

before I loose my mind! He is wild and I don't know what to do with him. He screams, he hits, he screams, he pounds, he screams, he gets into EVERYTHING, did I mention he screams? ;) Out of all my 5 dc none of them have been this horrible at 2. Sure I've had some worse then others but he takes the cake! He is wearing me down, and out. I can't get any school work done with the older kids when he is awake because he is either getting into something, making noise, or hitting his 4 year old sister. I dread waking up everyday because he takes so much energy out of me. I'm at my wits end, any advice? Maybe a stiff drink?

 

In the old days there were these things called playpens. Safety, security and they could play. Set one up in the livingroom and put him in it. He will freak. That's OK. He will try ans climb out. Put him back in. Keep putting him back in until he gets that this is where he can hang and play.

 

OR gate off a safe room. But that's where he stays. Gating them off or putting them into a playpen isn't mean, it's understanding that a toddler is a toddler and for their own protection, they need firm boundaries.

 

And make sure he gets outside to play every day.

 

:grouphug: There are just some that you know will be jumping out of planes when they get old enough. ;)

[A home for their hearts]

In the old days there were these things called playpens. Safety, security and they could play. Set one up in the livingroom and put him in it. He will freak. That's OK. He will try ans climb out. Put him back in. Keep putting him back in until he gets that this is where he can hang and play.

 

OR gate off a safe room. But that's where he stays. Gating them off or putting them into a playpen isn't mean, it's understanding that a toddler is a toddler and for their own protection, they need firm boundaries.

 

And make sure he gets outside to play every day.

 

:grouphug: There are just some that you know will be jumping out of planes when they get old enough. ;)

 

We have a pack-n-play and it's not big enough for him to actually play in it. Don't think we have a room where he would be completely safe by himself either. Thanks though!

[brett_ashley]

a playpen is not a pack-n-play. think this: http://www.amazon.com/North-States-Superyard-Play-Classic/dp/B00020L78M/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1335219377&sr=8-3

[Carrie12345]

http://www.amazon.com/North-States-Superyard-Play-Classic/dp/B00020L78M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335220756&sr=8-1

 

My 16 month old is in that miserable stage right now. He just doesn't know what the heck he wants.

FYI, don't put anything in there he can climb on. Trust me.

[CalicoKat]

before I loose my mind! He is wild and I don't know what to do with him. He screams, he hits, he screams, he pounds, he screams, he gets into EVERYTHING, did I mention he screams? ;) Out of all my 5 dc none of them have been this horrible at 2. Sure I've had some worse then others but he takes the cake! He is wearing me down, and out. I can't get any school work done with the older kids when he is awake because he is either getting into something, making noise, or hitting his 4 year old sister. I dread waking up everyday because he takes so much energy out of me. I'm at my wits end, any advice? Maybe a stiff drink?

 

Is there one place where he can go wild and you can just sit and sip a frappucino?

 

Wild toddlers just need to be run out periodically or they implode.

[welovetoread]

make him TIRED! Let him run, jump and scream outside. He has energy and is getting it out in an inappropriate way. Can you gently teach him to do it more appropriately?

[MedicMom]

I am pretty sure I am raising Houdini. My 23-month-old can seriously get out of any crib, playpen, locked room, etc.

No real advice. Just know someone else is going through this screaming/disobeying constantly stage, too.

[WTMindy]

With twin two year olds, I absolutely have to have a place where I can put them for awhile. The boys have "room time", where they both go into their own pack-n-play filled with toys. We've been doing this since they were old enough to sit up and play so they don't fight it, and, in fact, it is some of their happiest time of the day.

 

Also, I don't want to start a "spanking war" conversation, but since you asked, we do spank our twins for that kind of behavior-especially the fit throwing. One of the twins really throws fits and the more consistent I am with disciplining (whatever variety you believe in) the better he does. But, it is energy draining!!!

[Mynyel]

Just throwing this out. Have you looked into sensory issues? My ds4 has been similar. He does EVERYTHING my first two didn't. Ds4 is seriously sensory seeking and is very high maintenance, to say the least.

[AK_Mom4]

My first kid climbed, jumped, yelled, climbed some more. Before he learned to talk, it was screaming, babbling, and general craziness. And he hardly ever napped.

 

The play pensaved my sanity. Later on, we kid-proofed part of a room and put a baby gate across it with the couch on the open side. Having a place he could be contained was delightful!

 

DS20 is now a high-energy, driven young man who is studying to be a rocket scientist. And he HAS jumped out of an airplane twice!

[ktgrok]

Look into sensory issues and diet issues.

[katilac]

Like HSLover, I thought of possible sensory issues, and even more so possible diet or medication issues. All kids are different, and there may be no "issue," but it's certainly worth testing some variables, imo.

 

If he takes any meds, I'd do a trial run of stopping them if possible. Then I'd work on diet, particularly food dyes (which translates into as little processed food as possible). Try some sensory exercises. Limit screen time. Increase outdoor time as much as possible. Keep a diary and track diet, exercise, behavior. Keep in mind that some noisy kids are actually noise-sensitive; it's like they are 'pushing against' the external noise by creating their own.

 

 

Listne to your mom instincts. Some kids are happy and "just" exhaustingly high energy, but hitting/screaming/pounding would make me look long and hard for possible triggers. For example, when parents say "It's like he *wants* to be miserable," I assume an underlying cause (and I know you didn't say this, I'm just noting that if you do, or if it doesn't seem like a positive high energy, I would look for a cause along with coping mechanisms like room time or playpens).

[A home for their hearts]

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. It helps when you know you aren't the only one with a high maintenance child.

 

My heart is saying he is acting out because he is looking for attention. I don't know anything about sensory issues and we don't have medical insurance so we wouldn't be able get him tested. I think he just wants me all the time. Between homeschooling and housework he probably doesn't get as much attention he needs. I think he picks on dd4 because she is an easy target, the older dc would be able to stop him, she can't. My dd4 is also a high maintenance child but she has done well with not attacking him back. The poor thing will usually just sit there and cry until I come to her rescue.

 

I'm pretty sure he would not stay in one of those play pen things. He is a monkey and climbs on everything, it would just be another battle I would have to fit.

 

Any ideas on handling temper tantrums? This morning he was playing outside with his very noisy play vacuum. When he was ready to come inside he wanted to bring it in. I told him he couldn't because it was too loud and we were doing schoolwork. He wouldn't obey so I took it and put it away. He throw a huge fit, and when he screams he sounds like someone is killing him. So we all end up covering our ears, and the world stops until he is done. I try putting him in time out but it just turns into a game of him getting up and me putting him back.

 

He is also non-verbal. He has starting saying a few more words in the last couple of weeks but he isn't putting 2-3 words together. I know a lot of his and my frustration comes from that.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I would ignore the tantrums and start signing with him. Not having expressive langagu is extremely frustrating!

[Gisele Marie]

Bless you! My boys are now married- but a mom never forgets that season :). It will come to an end- trust me!! I'm with the others- using a gate or playpen so his world is smaller and controlled tends to help some of the issues!

 

Gisele

[justamouse]

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. It helps when you know you aren't the only one with a high maintenance child.

 

My heart is saying he is acting out because he is looking for attention. I don't know anything about sensory issues and we don't have medical insurance so we wouldn't be able get him tested. I think he just wants me all the time. Between homeschooling and housework he probably doesn't get as much attention he needs. I think he picks on dd4 because she is an easy target, the older dc would be able to stop him, she can't. My dd4 is also a high maintenance child but she has done well with not attacking him back. The poor thing will usually just sit there and cry until I come to her rescue.

 

I'm pretty sure he would not stay in one of those play pen things. He is a monkey and climbs on everything, it would just be another battle I would have to fit.

 

Any ideas on handling temper tantrums? This morning he was playing outside with his very noisy play vacuum. When he was ready to come inside he wanted to bring it in. I told him he couldn't because it was too loud and we were doing schoolwork. He wouldn't obey so I took it and put it away. He throw a huge fit, and when he screams he sounds like someone is killing him. So we all end up covering our ears, and the world stops until he is done. I try putting him in time out but it just turns into a game of him getting up and me putting him back.

 

He is also non-verbal. He has starting saying a few more words in the last couple of weeks but he isn't putting 2-3 words together. I know a lot of his and my frustration comes from that.

 

 

Getting a toddler to stop tantruming and calm the heck down is hard. It is. It is absolutely one of the most draining things you will do. But it's hard and you have to do it.

 

And you have to KEEP doing it because they are stubborn as the day is long. Then, eventually, they will understand.

 

He is 'screaming' for boundaries, and you are giving him none which is why this is escalating. If you don't deal with it, he's going to run the household and you're all going to feel like you're living in hell. Can you imagine how your poor 4 yo feels? Probably like a hostage in her own home. And she knows she shouldn't hit him back-so she's left defenseless until you can save her from him.

 

And yes, I'm being a bit hard nosed, but it's not like I haven't learned this lesson the hard way. ;)

Edited April 24, 2012 by justamouse

[A home for their hearts]

Getting a toddler to stop tantruming and calm the heck down is hard. It is. It is absolutely one of the most draining things you will do. But it's hard and you have to do it.

 

And you have to KEEP doing it because they are stubborn as the day is long. Then, eventually, they will understand.

 

He is 'screaming' for boundaries, and you are giving him none which is why this is escalating. If you don't deal with it, he's going to run the household and you're all going to feel like you're living in hell. Can you imagine how your poor 4 yo feels? Probably like a hostage in her own home. And she knows she shouldn't hit him back-so she's left defenseless until you can save her from him.

 

And yes, I'm being a bit hard nosed, but it's not like I haven't learned this lesson the hard way. ;)

 

Thanks for telling me like it is! ;) I don't need sugar coated advice i need advice that is going to make changes!

 

He screams when I do set boundaries and I don't know what to do after I've drawn the line. Do I let him scream and just ignore him, do I use time out, do I spank him? I usually just ignore him but if I don't keep a watchful eye on him that is usually when he starts hiting on his sister. I'm just lost and confused and need all the help I can get!

[MegP]

n/m

Edited April 24, 2012 by MegP

[LizzyBee]

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. It helps when you know you aren't the only one with a high maintenance child.

 

My heart is saying he is acting out because he is looking for attention. I don't know anything about sensory issues and we don't have medical insurance so we wouldn't be able get him tested. I think he just wants me all the time. Between homeschooling and housework he probably doesn't get as much attention he needs. I think he picks on dd4 because she is an easy target, the older dc would be able to stop him, she can't. My dd4 is also a high maintenance child but she has done well with not attacking him back. The poor thing will usually just sit there and cry until I come to her rescue.

 

I'm pretty sure he would not stay in one of those play pen things. He is a monkey and climbs on everything, it would just be another battle I would have to fit.

 

Any ideas on handling temper tantrums? This morning he was playing outside with his very noisy play vacuum. When he was ready to come inside he wanted to bring it in. I told him he couldn't because it was too loud and we were doing schoolwork. He wouldn't obey so I took it and put it away. He throw a huge fit, and when he screams he sounds like someone is killing him. So we all end up covering our ears, and the world stops until he is done. I try putting him in time out but it just turns into a game of him getting up and me putting him back.

 

He is also non-verbal. He has starting saying a few more words in the last couple of weeks but he isn't putting 2-3 words together. I know a lot of his and my frustration comes from that.

 

Is he a young 2 or older 2? Do his siblings interpret for him?

 

When my doctor was concerned about my youngest dd's speech, I ignored him because she's the 3rd child, and later children often talk later. But unfortunately, he was right to be concerned. DD was very high maintenance, as in I couldn't leave her alone, not only because she was into everything, but because she was a danger to herself; and I wouldn't leave her with a babysitter because I was afraid someone would hurt her. And she was nonverbal.

 

DD had a long list of diagnoses, and when I list them all out, it sounds like she should just be a quivering mass on the floor. But she's a completely normal, happy, smart kid who has sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and dyslexia. She benefited greatly from years of OT and speech therapy. Since you don't have medical insurance, I suggest you look into your county's early intervention program. If your son qualifies for therapy, it will be provided at no cost.

 

You could also read the Out of Sync Child and other books about sensory processing disorder to get some ideas for things you can do at home.

 

For food sensitivities, Is This Your Child by Doris Rapp is often recommended. I haven't read it, but I've seen it recommended here many times.

[ktgrok]

Sounds like he needs help learning to calm himself, and more than anything the language issue is probably a factor here. He screams because he doesn't know any other way to express himself. My 2 year old is doing this too. She can mimick a sneeze, so when she gets upset she screams "ah choo!" and then throws herself on the ground and cries "ow ow ow' as loud as she can. I was getting SO frustrated, as it is totally embarrassing, until I realized she was using "ow" because she didn't have any other words to express her sadness or frustration or whatever.

 

As someone recently reminded me "my child isn't giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time." That is something I need to repeat several times a day, but the change in perspective does help. As for concrete suggestions, I started taking her to her room and putting her on her bed when she was screaming on the floor. I wasn't mean, and I didn't lock her in. Now sometimes when she is upset she goes and gets in her bed all by herself.

 

When he acts like that he feels awful. Children that feel badly act badly. Try to build him up, rather than reacting once he is already over the top.

[justamouse]

Thanks for telling me like it is! ;) I don't need sugar coated advice i need advice that is going to make changes!

 

He screams when I do set boundaries and I don't know what to do after I've drawn the line. Do I let him scream and just ignore him, do I use time out, do I spank him? I usually just ignore him but if I don't keep a watchful eye on him that is usually when he starts hiting on his sister. I'm just lost and confused and need all the help I can get!

 

Here's a blogger I love, and her run down on some of it-see if that will help.

 

I'm not a spanker, myself, but I am a, "I will be darned if I let a toddler get the best of me". I can outlast them. And, I use humor.

 

Always redirect if you can. Always. That's not letting them get away with it, it's compassionate guidance.

 

No more chaos at your house. If there's chaos, he'll reflect that. So it's time to get things under control if they're not. THIS IS HARD. Do it. You will not like it. Do it anyway.

 

This is going to take a few days of your concerted effort. First, have breakfast, wash up, get a load on laundry in if that's what you do, and then ALL go outside and play. Or a park. Let the older ones play and YOU take Tantrum Man and make sure he is doing *something*. Get him digging, playing, swinging. Keep him apart from them.

 

THEN you bring them home, wash up, (have lunch?) and bring out the gates (get the playpen!). Put him in it with some *only in the playpen* toys. Those toys never come out. Ever. He wants to play with them? Into the pen he goes. (Into the room he goes. (I very much think a whole room is too much for a two year old to have free reign over. Unless the walls are rubber and the floors are hoseable)). If it IS a room, it better be super, duper baby proofed. No edges, no nothing. (this is why a playpen is the way to go)

 

So now he's played, he's fed and that sets the schedule for this new transition.

 

Put him in there, and you sit next to him with a book, and allow the others to play quietly in the room or somewhere else (again, this is why a playpen is the way to go-because they get space away from him while he's in there, and yet the freedom of the room). He may love it-he may fuss. If he fusses, make your eyes really big, with a 'oh my' look, and tell him, 'sshhh, play with your toys' very sweetly. That may work a few times, it may not. If he freaks, pick up a toy and be excited about it because it's something for just in there. You're going to have to use your arsenal and outwit him. But don't be angry, don't yell, and be consistent. Consistency will eventually show him that you will always have the same, quiet, but solid reaction.

 

Again, this is not easy. It is hard. They are loud, ferocious and stubborn (the park will take the wind out of his sails). They wear you down. But you have to get control back, for the peace of your home and your other kids who are being tyrannized. :grouphug:

[Amy in NH]

before I loose my mind! He is wild and I don't know what to do with him. He screams, he hits, he screams, he pounds, he screams, he gets into EVERYTHING, did I mention he screams? ;) Out of all my 5 dc none of them have been this horrible at 2. Sure I've had some worse then others but he takes the cake! He is wearing me down, and out. I can't get any school work done with the older kids when he is awake because he is either getting into something, making noise, or hitting his 4 year old sister. I dread waking up everyday because he takes so much energy out of me. I'm at my wits end, any advice? Maybe a stiff drink?

 

If he were my toddler, I'd wear him most of the time. And talk to him a lot.

[A home for their hearts]

If he were my toddler, I'd wear him most of the time. And talk to him a lot.

 

What would you use to wear him? I have a Moby Wrap but I think he is way too big for it.

[A home for their hearts]

I forgot to add that he will be two in May.

[justamouse]

If he were my toddler, I'd wear him most of the time. And talk to him a lot.

 

There is this :iagree:

 

I used something like The New Native, then I just sewed myself up a bunch.

 

 

But if he's used to some space already, they want that freedom.

 

When mine were teeny, I went from sling to playpen. They were in either, or. I had twins and another infant born days shy of all the same year. I HAD to shower, dh HAD to work. When they weren't on me, I knew they were safe in the playpen, so that's why mine transitioned so easily.

[ktgrok]

I forgot to add that he will be two in May.

 

Ah, it will get better as he gets more verbal, I promise. My son was a TERROR at that age, but I promise he is a great kid now. We didn't spank, or punish, but we did a lot of sensory stuff (mostly baths...he got 3 baths a day for a while..just a bit of water and some bath crayons or shaving cream to pay with), and outdoor time.

[A home for their hearts]

Ah, it will get better as he gets more verbal, I promise. My son was a TERROR at that age, but I promise he is a great kid now. We didn't spank, or punish, but we did a lot of sensory stuff (mostly baths...he got 3 baths a day for a while..just a bit of water and some bath crayons or shaving cream to pay with), and outdoor time.

 

What other sensory stuff did you do? He loved playing in his little kiddy pool last summer; which amazed me since my last three dc hated water until they were about 4! It hasn't been warm enough to get the pool back out. I don't think I would have time to let him play in the tub that much.

[deacongirl]

THe book Transforming the Difficult Child is great. and I agree with the signing. Signing Time DVDs were our favorites.

[fairfarmhand]

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com has very practical helpful advice, even for non-Christian parents.

[Zuzu822]

What other sensory stuff did you do? He loved playing in his little kiddy pool last summer; which amazed me since my last three dc hated water until they were about 4! It hasn't been warm enough to get the pool back out. I don't think I would have time to let him play in the tub that much.

 

Check out this blog for sensory play and other ideas: http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/search/label/Sensory%20Activities

 

Some of our favorites are shaving cream with food coloring, cloud dough, corn, instant snow, and rice.

[justamouse]

Put him in a high chair with a big plastic dishwashing container. Give him measuring cups and spoons.

 

Fill the the container with beans and let him use that.

 

 

(I sometimes forget that many moms don't automatically know these things)

[ktgrok]

What other sensory stuff did you do? He loved playing in his little kiddy pool last summer; which amazed me since my last three dc hated water until they were about 4! It hasn't been warm enough to get the pool back out. I don't think I would have time to let him play in the tub that much.

 

Let one of the other kids watch him. Or read aloud to them while you sit in the bathroom, lol.

 

A ball pit would be great too. it really depends on the kid.

[ktgrok]

Put him in a high chair with a big plastic dishwashing container. Give him measuring cups and spoons.

 

Fill the the container with beans and let him use that.

 

 

(I sometimes forget that many moms don't automatically know these things)

 

ok, we've tried this many times with my just turned 2 year old. She goes from playing to throwing them around the room very quickly. Any ideas on that problem?

[deacongirl]

Put him in a high chair with a big plastic dishwashing container. Give him measuring cups and spoons.

 

Fill the the container with beans and let him use that.

 

 

(I sometimes forget that many moms don't automatically know these things)

Awesome idea!

[Janie Grace]

ok, we've tried this many times with my just turned 2 year old. She goes from playing to throwing them around the room very quickly. Any ideas on that problem?

 

This is what my 2-year-old does, too. Amazing how far beans can travel through a house, too.

 

I'm reading this thread with great interest. My 2yo is just like yours, OP, and he's #5 as well. I have never felt so clueless about dealing with a toddler, which is ridiculous, but I have never had one this needy either. You're not alone!

[LizzyBee]

ok, we've tried this many times with my just turned 2 year old. She goes from playing to throwing them around the room very quickly. Any ideas on that problem?

 

Ha, I remember reading all those preschool in a bag and other lists of things to do with a toddler during homeschool time, and nearly crying because NONE of them were workable with my toddler/preschooler. Having the olders take turns playing with her? Nope, not an option. They couldn't handle her.

 

A friend of mine kept telling me that it would get better when she was 5. One day, when she was about 5 1/2, I realized that she really was easier. At 10, she's a dream. Well, almost. She still misses her mouth and makes a mess when she eats, and she still falls out of her chair occasionally. The bottom line is, if it's a sensory issue and not a discipline issue, all the discipline in the world won't fix it. You do what you can therapy-wise, whether it's with a professional or at home, and you ride it out.

[walkermamaof4]

Just for the heck of it, you might consider starting a food diary for him. I think you might be surprised to find a trigger, even though I totally can relate that he is screaming for attention. Nonetheless, his tantrum may have more to do with food sensitivities - dye, gluten, sugar, who knows. But it is worth trying to find out. Have you heard of therapy swings? My friend hung one in her garage and swears by it.

[jeninok]

My son is prone to total meltdowns, even at almost 11 if he gets overwhelmed or is tired/hungry/really frustrated he tends to fall apart. This can take the form of tears and anxiety, or it can take the form of uncontrolled energy and silliness and almost manic talking and movement.

 

He is ADD, without the H, has some sensory issues, and dyslexic type issues that aren't clear cut enough to really name.

 

He was a generally happy easy toddler, but when he wasn't....boy he wasn't!

 

The biggest thing that helped was his verbal skills developing, I talked to him constantly, with a running commentary of what was going on, if he pointed and grunted I named it first and asked him to try. We also did some signs which seemed to help.

 

the other thing that still helps, and that I have to work on the most is staying perfectly calm and not feeding the upset manic energy. When he was little I treated a meltdown much like we treat a frantic biting puppy. I would stand up, cross my arms and look away from him until the wind was out of his sails. I do remember carrying him out of home depot over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he was screaming and kicking me :tongue_smilie:

 

But even now when he starts freaking out, I have to do my very best not to feed into his energy. We work on deep breathing, stretching, and self soothing. Things like standing up, reaching for the ceiling and taking 3 deep breathes, then touching our toes etc. Even a really little one can learn to do that stuff especially if you give it fun names and words.

 

We also avoid red food coloring, MSG, (Sweet and Sour sauce is a DISASTER) and paradoxically now that he is older a 5 hour energy or cup of coffee go a long way to calm him down and straighten his brain out :D

[jenrysdam]

I have some wild little boys too. I finally realized that they had sensitivity to artificial colors and flavors. I put them on the feingold diet several years ago and it brought them back down to earth :O)

Best wishes,

:grouphug:

[katilac]

Please don't dismiss getting an evaluation because you don't have health insurance. If there *is* an issue, early intervention can be key, and you should be able to get both an evaluation and services at no cost.

 

For kids under 3, there is a separate system (not affiliated with the school system). Any pediatrician can give you the name (it's often Child Search or something similar), or just google "(my) county early intervention".

 

In some areas, it can take a long time to get an appointment, so I'd call right away. It never hurts to have more information.

[A home for their hearts]

Check out this blog for sensory play and other ideas: http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/search/label/Sensory%20Activities

 

Some of our favorites are shaving cream with food coloring, cloud dough, corn, instant snow, and rice.

 

Thanks for the link!

 

Please don't dismiss getting an evaluation because you don't have health insurance. If there *is* an issue, early intervention can be key, and you should be able to get both an evaluation and services at no cost.

 

For kids under 3, there is a separate system (not affiliated with the school system). Any pediatrician can give you the name (it's often Child Search or something similar), or just google "(my) county early intervention".

 

In some areas, it can take a long time to get an appointment, so I'd call right away. It never hurts to have more information.

 

He does qualify for speech therapy through our local Help Me Grow Program which is an early intervention program. A sweet lady comes to our house every other week to work with him. They did come and evaluate him first, they used the Bailey, I'm still waiting for the final results on that. The initial results were that he was delayed in oral language but was on target for everything else they tested him on (receptive language and whatever else the Bailey tests. They said he did really well and was even ahead in some areas.

[imagine.more]

Getting a toddler to stop tantruming and calm the heck down is hard. It is. It is absolutely one of the most draining things you will do. But it's hard and you have to do it.

 

And you have to KEEP doing it because they are stubborn as the day is long. Then, eventually, they will understand.

 

He is 'screaming' for boundaries, and you are giving him none which is why this is escalating. If you don't deal with it, he's going to run the household and you're all going to feel like you're living in hell. Can you imagine how your poor 4 yo feels? Probably like a hostage in her own home. And she knows she shouldn't hit him back-so she's left defenseless until you can save her from him.

 

And yes, I'm being a bit hard nosed, but it's not like I haven't learned this lesson the hard way. ;)

 

Yeah, I totally agree. My secondborn is like this, he can throw a tantrum like nobody's business! And we let him get away with it too long because he had colic as a baby and we were accustomed to jumping at every scream in case he was in pain (he had reflux). You would think he was being tortured when we say 'no' because he wants something he can't have (like DH's coffee). I got sick of it and went mean-mommy on him and put him on time out for every single fit. I would sternly say "No, stop that" and if he continued he got put in time-out in the corner. I stood 2 feet away and put him back probably 100 times before he calmed down. And we require that the kids calm down before they leave time-out. For ODS that was 45 minutes once but nowadays it's 30 seconds and he's all "I'm ready to 'pologize" :) YDS is learning that lesson so I'd say his worst time-out was maybe 20 minutes and average is 5-7 with them getting shorter all the time as he's realized what is required of him to get out. Oh, and when he threw himself on the floor to really get into kicking/screaming phase I just held him up to stand. He'd buckle his knees and go limp but I held him up at standing height and told him "stand up" and he eventually got uncomfortable enough to put his feet back down on the ground. I thought my arms were gonna break off though, :lol: It was an awful 3 days or so and we're still having to be very consistent with him but it really helped. He spends a lot more time happily playing and a lot less time whining, following us around, and throwing tantrums. He also stops his own tantrums more quickly.

 

Oh, and those superyard things someone linked to are awesome! We keep one on our porch and I might set one up inside this fall when ODS is doing more schoolwork. It's higher than a standard baby gate or pack-n-play so difficult to escape from. And really if you start small (10 minutes) and offer his favorite toy and play music they start enjoying it soom. We start playpen time as soon as the babies can sit up and by 12 months they do about 45 minutes. We switch to roomtime with a baby gate around 2 years and then 1 hour of roomtime without a gate whenever they show themselves responsible enough to do so (ODS was at 3 but YDS might take longer, we'll see). My boys love it now, they walk themselves to their room and ODS picks out the music, gets the cd player going, and settles down to play with his cars, while YDS sits in his crib and plays music or looks at books or take off his socks and chew his toes, whatever he wants :tongue_smilie: It's totally worth toddler-proofing an area to get that peace of mind to school the older ones or take a shower while knowing the toddler is safe.