happyWImom Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Okay, honest question. I love my dh, but he works from home a lot, and it is causing problems. He never stays in his office, and leaves his papers everywhere, and it seems like our schedule is always off when he's home. He used to travel a few nights a week or every other week, and that was perfect. I feel really guilty having this attitude, but sometimes it just feels like it's one more thing added to a huge pile. And I only have 2 kids! I know how blessed I am, but I feel like he and I are bickering about all the little things (because he's ALWAYS there) and so it's easier when he's not there. When I really think about that, I feel awful, because I think "What if something happens to him, I'll never get over the guilt, I've got it so good"etc... you name it. I know I'm rambling. It's just that he's got the perfect job, he doesn't even have to work that much and so he does what he wants during the day unless he gets a phone call. While I'm homeschooling, which I love, but yes, the house is not the cleanest. So then he has the gall to make comments about vacuuming, it's a mess... Okay, ramblling again! Somebody help me out here :confused: Tammi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Imagine if you were running, say, a flower shop, and someone moved in, lounged around, hung out, and then complained about the mess. That would be weird, right? Maybe you can gently help him to understand that homeschooling is your job. It's a full-time job, and your house is your workspace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My dad is a firefighter and my mom swears the reason they have such a happy marriage is that he's gone every third day and night (they work 24 on/48 off). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 YES!!! For me, I think it's mostly me though. I just don't want to do housework when dh is here!!! So, not much gets done. We've discussed him saving some gas money and working from home for a couple days/week. But, we both decided that would just be bad!!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlashine Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 :iagree: Sometimes it's nice, but most times I'd rather he be gone during the day. Much easier to stay on schedule. And I so would not be able to deal with comments about the house work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancypants Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 When my dh started working from home it caused a lot of stress. That was over five years ago. We have fully adjusted now though and can't imagine it any other way. In our case it just took time (and a couple of strategic conversations about boundaries during work hours.) Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nakitty Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Well...first of all, yes. Yes, it definitly messes with my 'routine' when he is home on a weekday. But, it doesn't happen very often...so we deal. If my dh was home a great deal of the time...as yours is. And ESPECIALLY if he 'doesn't have to work much'....I would totally be making him share in the housework. My dh does housework and he works outside the home...not as much as I do of course...but he does do some. My expectations would increase a lot if he were home more.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My dh and ds are best buddies so it's hard when dh is home. Neither one can focus, they only want to hang out. It happens rarely and the flexibility to let it all go for a while is one reason why I love homeschooling. That said, if it were going to be a regular thing, I had a serious discussion about boundaries and your working schedule. I don't do housework while doing school and if school runs late or I have one of those days, things aren't done. I've had to remind my dear dh a few times that I am working full time, it's just that I don't leave the house to do it. All said with a smile :D, of course. Good open communication would be vital IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Wilhelm Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Hubby has been unemployed for 5 months right now.......... 5 MONTHS!!! I'm going insane.......... I quiz the kids and he gives the answers......"Mark! You are 54.... I know you know the answer.... give the kids a chance!!!" :banghead: Someone please get this guy a job!!! :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Yeah, we slip into celebration mode and end up going to the beach or something. :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Pam In GA: Is it time for Mike yet????? I feel your pain. At least my dh doesn't answer the kids questions. We all have our stuff.:D Thanks for making me feel better. Tammi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Right now, he travels a bit with work. Sometimes it seems really easy with him gone. And then sometimes it is not. I don't like him home during the day while we are doing lessons. I feel it cramps my style (just a joke I have with him -- we all know I don't have a style!:lol:) I would probably not like to do school with him around all the time though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My dad is a firefighter and my mom swears the reason they have such a happy marriage is that he's gone every third day and night (they work 24 on/48 off). Oh, my goodness. I think I resemble that remark! :D Well, except I have what I regard as a healthy fear of running into someplace (on fire) where even cockroaches are running out. I'm merely a paramedic who works the same schedule. Speaking of which...there go the tones...again...:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 cancelled call :) To answer the OP's question (well, really just to ramble until the tones go off again), the days when my dh is home we tend to tag-team the various lessons. Perhaps giving him something to do (i.e. science experiments, history projects -- trebuchet building, anyone?) might help alleviate this problem. Dh learned not to comment on any unfinished housework fairly early on. Let's just say that the laser death ray glare works equally well on adults;) Actually, I feel very lucky because there simply is no complaining about what is or isn't finished and who did what the last time. We both do what needs to be done. We figure it takes two to run the household, especially when we're outnumbered by the wee ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverfront Headmistress Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. My dh is deployed to the Middle East and I can't get it together. Its hard to understand how much he helps until he is gone. Hats off to single mothers - they do the same as me day in and day out but have to bring in a paycheck as well. I'm blessed to be able to stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My beloved has medical problems and has been home for months at a time. I have yet to get a full day in with him at home, but we've managed about 3/4 full load at times. Something always goes by the wayside though, so I've always homeschooled year-round primarily because of his medical problems. If he retires on disability and I work more...I don't want to think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I quiz the kids and he gives the answers......"Mark! You are 54.... I know you know the answer.... give the kids a chance!!!" :banghead: :lol::lol: Now that is funny, very, very irritating, but funny, too. I know I would not be laughing if it was happening to me, though. Best wishes for a job in the very near future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Dh will be home full-time starting now. I will be going insane, well, actually I am already insane....I will be certifiable by 7/7. On 7/7 he has a one month teaching stint here while I am with the girls at our new house/town. Right when that is over we leave for Belgium. So, maybe I won't be certifiable until about mid-August. When dh has been home in the past, he would do things like bring his work out to the living room and then get upset with the girls for making too much noise or for talking to him. Clearly we will need to set some ground rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Hubby has been unemployed for 5 months right now.......... 5 MONTHS!!! I'm going insane.......... I quiz the kids and he gives the answers......"Mark! You are 54.... I know you know the answer.... give the kids a chance!!!" :banghead: Someone please get this guy a job!!! :lol::lol::lol: Oh, man. I just survived 6 months of unemployment. Let's just say that very little school work got done. But hey! My marriage is intact. :lol: In fact, we were together so much for so long (and we love being together, it's not a problem generally) that for the first time ever - don't tell him! - I looked forward to him LEAVING. I love him so much, but oh, that first week was really okay. Hang in there, and I'll send lots of job vibes your way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 My dh has always worked from home but it took some intensive and heavy going training to get him to treat our homeschooling as seriously as his own job. I had to set really clear boundaries and yes I came across as a total control freak, but I couldn't deal with being disturbed all the time. Once I did that- and he got hurt at first so I had to reassure him and keep explaining that this is my job- it has been much easier. Now i sometimes go out to lunch with him, sometimes spend time with him during the day..I at least try to take some time for some conversations, or a morning walk around the block to connect properly with him. Sometimes I ask the kids to read him a writing assignment. Otherwise he definitely feels a bit on the outer of my rich and warm, cosy world with the kids. But he doesn't want to help, just to socialise! He is home every day! Fortunately, he works 3 mornings so has people to play with then. Actually, hes just a big kid :) I have made it work, but I did have to get tough, and now I can relax and enjoy him. If he is disturbing us, I just tell him quite clearly :) He will usually enjoy disturbing us a little longer, then wander off. As for mess....I have a schoolroom which is free of his things. Its actually like a sanctuary for me, as well as the kids. We all have our own corners and desks, and well as sofas. He has his own space for work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 ...on a school day, we can't stay on schedule. He sometimes watches television while we're working, and he'll call us to, "Come see this. " Or he watches programs like Nash Bridges (which we all love) or Walker, Texas Ranger (which ER & EK love) or a Western, which has all the cowboy & Indian sounds that are LOUD then soft, then LOUD again. Also, he thinks lunch should be at noon on the dot, but we prefer to eat between 12:30 & 1:00, or whenever we reach a good stopping point with our studies. But dh gets a bit grouchy when he's hungry, so whenhe's home and it gets to be noon we have to drop what we're doing and fix lunch, then eat, then clean up, then try to get back into the schooling groove. Also, on days when I need to do major housework, I just can't seem to get going and do anything when dh is home because I'd rather be spending time with him than scrubbing the bathtub, KWIM? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I love my dh very much...but...he makes me nuts if he's here and I'm trying to school. I get his work calendar a year in advance and were off when he's off. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 In dh's line of work, there are many many work at home jobs. I am quite clear with him that such a set up would be a nightmare for our family. If it turned out that he did have to work at home, we would have to do like Peela and have very very firm boundaries about our schedules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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