Heather in Neverland Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 My school is almost to capacity and many of our grades have no space at all with a waiting list. There is a Korean family trying to get their kids into the school but the grades they want have no room. It is not a "decision" I am making. We literally do not have an open desk for their child. But they are not taking no for an answer. The mom stopped by to see me today AGAIN. I explained the situation AGAIN. As she was leaving she said "There must be something you can do." and she hands me a medium size shopping bag and leaves. I was confused. Then I got a phone call, then I had a meeting. By the time I got back to my office and looked in it I realized the bag was full of EXPENSIVE beauty products... Like hundreds of dollars worth!! I couldn't believe it. I just got a BRIBE!!!! :glare: So tomorrow I will call her to come pick up her "gift" because I can't accept it. I almost feel a little offended. Like if you are going to bribe me you better come up with more than that! :lol: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 At LEAST a Louis Vuitton bag! I mean SHEESH! :lol::lol: a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I'm not sure this is a bribe. I worked for a large Japanese corporation in NYC for 5 years. I was the only American in the office; all of my co-workers were straight from Japan. The Asian concept of gift giving is very different than ours. They give gifts to show respect not necessarily to bribe. I'd talk to another high level administrator/teacher at your school who may have been at the end of this type of gift in the past. They may offer some insight. Our American mind goes immediately to "bribe", but that's not how the giver may have intended it. Maybe Jean could chime in here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I'm not sure this is a bribe. I worked for a large Japanese corporation in NYC for 5 years. I was the only American in the office; all of my co-workers were straight from Japan. The Asian concept of gift giving is very different than ours. They give gifts to show respect not necessarily to bribe. I'd talk to another high level administrator/teacher at your school who may have been at the end of this type of gift in the past. They may offer some insight. Our American mind goes immediately to "bribe", but that's not how the giver may have intended it. Maybe Jean could chime in here. Yeah, I would wait to accuse of bribery until otherwise proven. This could be something cultural and you really don't want to offend if its truly a gift of respect and not bribery. Besides to me bribery consists of $100 bills! LOL Just kidding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I'm not sure this is a bribe. I worked for a large Japanese corporation in NYC for 5 years. I was the only American in the office; all of my co-workers were straight from Japan. The Asian concept of gift giving is very different than ours. They give gifts to show respect not necessarily to bribe. I'd talk to another high level administrator/teacher at your school who may have been at the end of this type of gift in the past. They may offer some insight. Our American mind goes immediately to "bribe", but that's not how the giver may have intended it. Maybe Jean could chime in here. :iagree::iagree: DH has a Japanese co-worker and we are hard-pressed to keep up with the gift giving sometimes. :001_smile: It may not have been a bribe per se, or it may have been a bribe but culturally, bribing may have different conotations there that is has here in America. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 It's a cultural difference. In America we see bribes as bad, for others it is just the way business is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 Actually, giving "gifts" to administrators to get your kid into the right school is extremely common here. I was told it was only a matter of time before it happened to me because it happens to all of us and we even have a policy on not receiving gifts worth more than a certain amount for this reason. Although now that I am looking at these beauty products more closely... Maybe they are NOT a bribe but a SUGGESTION... They all have something to do with wrinkles and bags under your eyes and what-not. :glare: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I almost feel a little offended. Like if you are going to bribe me you better come up with more than that! :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 It may not be a "bribe" but many companies still have limits on the value of gifts you can receive from interested parties, and generally those values are low. We have friends who work for a major corporation and their gift limit is $25. They have given things back to vendors because they exceeded this value. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 BTW, why not make space for the kid? If they are this persistent, then they might be able to offer really good monies towards the school. About the gift, then I would not take it in terms of a bribe. I agree that this culture is big on giving gifts as polite gestures and they are often at a higher scale than what we would consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Actually, giving "gifts" to administrators to get your kid into the right school is extremely common here. I was told it was only a matter of time before it happened to me because it happens to all of us and we even have a policy on not receiving gifts worth more than a certain amount for this reason. Although now that I am looking at these beauty products more closely... Maybe they are NOT a bribe but a SUGGESTION... They all have something to do with wrinkles and bags under your eyes and what-not. :glare: . :lol::lol::lol: Maybe you could suggest to them that they could BUY a desk for their child in the classroom? Or 'donate' a new wing to the building......I mean, hey, if they have some money to throw around....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 :lol::lol::lol: Maybe you could suggest to them that they could BUY a desk for their child in the classroom? Or 'donate' a new wing to the building......I mean, hey, if they have some money to throw around....... You have no idea how tempting that is. I really need some new computers for my classrooms....hmmm.... :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I think that totally makes sense, Heather. That is just showing they are part of the community. It is a private school, after all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 (edited) An old friend of mine, a blondie American lol, but fully fluent in Korean, worked in admissions at a S Korean school has said she can't even count the times parents tried to bribe her, or even teachers. Some bribes were huge- not just things, but large amounts of cash . She never took them, but others did. She said the admin often looked the other way. She has great stories. She also says American mothers got nothing on Korean mothers when it comes to celebrating a child's b'day at school. It's not just little cupcakes at snack time. It's quite a production with gifts and tables laden with very fancy fruits and foods. I love hearing about her experiences. They are not always what one would expect. :) Edited January 30, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 You have no idea how tempting that is. I really need some new computers for my classrooms....hmmm.... :tongue_smilie: Have the new wing named after an ancestor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I'd say that is it a bribe/suggestion. It is meant to influence you. If the child was already in the school you might get the exact same gift but out of gratitude and respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Although now that I am looking at these beauty products more closely... Maybe they are NOT a bribe but a SUGGESTION... They all have something to do with wrinkles and bags under your eyes and what-not. :glare:. Well then, let's just stick with calling it a bribe then, shall we? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Although now that I am looking at these beauty products more closely... Maybe they are NOT a bribe but a SUGGESTION... They all have something to do with wrinkles and bags under your eyes and what-not. :glare: . :lol: I am sorry to laugh at your situation, but this just made me choke on my coffee. AS for the bribe, I guess you need to talk to others in the school, and see what they say. Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I'd absolutely stick another desk in the room. Not for the eye cream, but for when they thank you. Go with that new computers thought. :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Was it a bribe or a hint???? ;) :D:D:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 :glare: oh man.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 My school is almost to capacity and many of our grades have no space at all with a waiting list. There is a Korean family trying to get their kids into the school but the grades they want have no room. It is not a "decision" I am making. We literally do not have an open desk for their child. But they are not taking no for an answer. The mom stopped by to see me today AGAIN. I explained the situation AGAIN. As she was leaving she said "There must be something you can do." and she hands me a medium size shopping bag and leaves. I was confused. Then I got a phone call, then I had a meeting. By the time I got back to my office and looked in it I realized the bag was full of EXPENSIVE beauty products... Like hundreds of dollars worth!! I couldn't believe it. I just got a BRIBE!!!! :glare: So tomorrow I will call her to come pick up her "gift" because I can't accept it. I almost feel a little offended. Like if you are going to bribe me you better come up with more than that! :lol: . At LEAST an Escalade...I mean come ON! Can't believe this happened! But who knows, someone could drop out and a place may open up and she will have to wait to hear from YOU. That's what I'd tell her. And congrats on being so popular! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 :lol:I am sorry to laugh at your situation, but this just made me choke on my coffee. AS for the bribe, I guess you need to talk to others in the school, and see what they say. Danielle :iagree: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I know everyone is (probably) joking about making space for the children based on the "bribe" or something else you can get out of your parents...but those are clearly people who don't live in a culture of corruption. I would like to weigh in on the side of please, please, don't even consider it. Where we live it is common enough for parents to be willing to do "whatever" to get their kids into the hot school. Parents pay "donations" to get a seat. It is ugly, unfair and creates an unhealthy culture in all the schools. I think it would be great if everyone in Malaysia knew that your school could not be bribed...no matter how much wrinkle cream they might give you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 The other thing that has gone unsaid... This is a Christian school, so there is the unspoken expectation that your values will be Christ's values... teaching by modeling and all that. Truly (and not meaning offense) my question is WWJD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My (albeit relatively limited) experiences with this sort of thing while teaching in China was that it was so cultural and pervasive that it wasn't something that was going to change any time soon. And not something that is frowned upon in the same way as here. I mostly got a lot of food bribes and excursion bribes from parents who wanted me to spend more time with their kids teaching them one on one. One woman I knew spent a long time complaining to me about how there was so much corruption and back door this and that... then proceeded to tell me how she and her dh were getting their passports finally - essentially by greasing the wheels. When it's everyone's expectation, it's hard to escape it, I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 The other thing that has gone unsaid...This is a Christian school, so there is the unspoken expectation that your values will be Christ's values... teaching by modeling and all that. Truly (and not meaning offense) my question is WWJD? He would probably just carve out a new desk for their child, since He was a carpenter and all. :lol::tongue_smilie: My vote is: Tell them to buy a desk and you'll put it in the classroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My (albeit relatively limited) experiences with this sort of thing while teaching in China was that it was so cultural and pervasive that it wasn't something that was going to change any time soon. And not something that is frowned upon in the same way as here. I mostly got a lot of food bribes and excursion bribes from parents who wanted me to spend more time with their kids teaching them one on one. One woman I knew spent a long time complaining to me about how there was so much corruption and back door this and that... then proceeded to tell me how she and her dh were getting their passports finally - essentially by greasing the wheels. When it's everyone's expectation, it's hard to escape it, I think. This is exactly the argument I would urge everyone to fight against. Here in India the citizens are engaged in a pitched battle against corruption. The argument that "everyone expects it" and "it is cultural and pervasive" is the argument that those in favor of the status quo make again and again. There are many here now who are refusing to pay even the smallest bribe. There are websites we can report bribes to. A few weeks ago DH and I decided to finally get Indian driver's licenses. We could have paid a bribe to a middle man and avoided even stepping into the office of the inspector. Instead we went to a filthy, disgusting building, handled the ineptitude of the staff and the lazyiness of others. But in the end...we got the work done without a bribe. This in a country where people routinely would just pay the bribe to get the work done, without thinking about the ramifications for the system. Corruption is evil, IMHO, and should be rooted out at every opportunity - culturally appropriate or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I don't mean to say that I'm trying to excuse it, just that the cultural context may not be that simple - as others have pointed out. It took me awhile to understand when I was teaching in China that when parents offered me small things, that it was sort of a bribe. But at the same time, they didn't expect any quid pro quo. They were also just being nice. It was a strange mix, which I think is why, even if it's desirable, it's harder to root out corruption when it goes from big, rich politicians and business people (which is an issue here too) down to giving teachers, neighbors, and very small time people bribes (which is a lot less common here in my experience). But no one ever thought my influence merited anything on the level of Heather's! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I know everyone is (probably) joking about making space for the children based on the "bribe" or something else you can get out of your parents...but those are clearly people who don't live in a culture of corruption. I would like to weigh in on the side of please, please, don't even consider it. Where we live it is common enough for parents to be willing to do "whatever" to get their kids into the hot school. Parents pay "donations" to get a seat. It is ugly, unfair and creates an unhealthy culture in all the schools. I think it would be great if everyone in Malaysia knew that your school could not be bribed...no matter how much wrinkle cream they might give you. We absolutely do NOT accept bribes of any kind... hence the need to return the gift. We have had much larger bribes than this in the past and we always say no. What is interesting is the REACTION we get from parents... like they cannot BELIEVE we won't accept the bribe! It is pervasive in this culture as well. You can bribe the police to let you out of a speeding ticket. You can bribe government officials to build the 40-story apartment building next door to us even though the law says nothing over 25 stories. Etc. The director and admissions counselor get bribes all the time but it was a first for me! As much as I would love new computers... I am giving the wrinkle cream back. :D . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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