At what point do we parents stop caring?

[distancia]

I'm teary-eyed and overwhelmed as I write this.

 

DD has been trying so, SO hard to make it at the small college she is now attending. She insists she is going to stay at this school and get a great education, while she valiantly trudges forward in her attempt to enjoy "the college experience". She is as smart as the other students, but cut from a different cloth, and she knows it. It's a mismatch. She dresses differently, looks differently, thinks differently, likes different music, has a different demeanor, etc etc. At first DD did make 2 close friends but both now have boyfriends and they are enmeshed in coupledom. Now dd is alone. She has gone to different campus activities to meet others, but nothing pans out.

 

When we look at what our DD is getting out of this, we're not sure the great education is worth the trade-offs, which I've posted elsewhere. We know that this is DD's choice--after all, she earned the scholarships--but her decision is affecting us, primarily me, mom.

 

I am getting 'phone calls 4 or 5 times a day. I know dd is very lonely. She goes out a lot around town [it's her hometown area, and she loves it, and it has some phenomenal attractions that you can't find elsewhere] so she's comfortable being out and about, but she is tired of doing it alone. She has asked other students to go with her, out for ice cream or a walk downtown, but they prefer the insularity of campus, the "bubble" they call it. DD was hoping to meet a few kindred spirits, but it isn't happening. She is vibrant and personable and can talk to 20- and 30- somethings about practically any topic (her last boyfriend was 26, and the dance troupe with whom she dances professionally are all in the age 30-40 bracket), but with her peers at this school, nada. But, DD says she is not going to transfer to an inferior school because it's all about education. I cannot dissuade her in any way.

 

Tonight I told hubby that I cannot continue doing this, being DDs support system and only friend, simply because she has chosen to be at this school. Her best friend is at a state school 90 miles away, and DD could transfer there, but she won't, it's a big nothing U. Other friends are at other mainstream Us throughout the state. Therefore, it's me, mom, who is asked to go out and meet for lunch or shopping, to give advice, to discuss career options, etc. The calls go on for 30 or 45 minutes at a time, several times a day. I am bearing the brunt of this.

 

I did tell DD that dad and I are intending to travel and she will have to develop a network among her college cronies. She hears me, but the reality is, it's not happening. I cringe to think that I will have to be in this same situation next year...and the year after next...and then DD will finally leave school, and be as alone as when she first went started.

 

What can I do? Certainly not what I am doing now. And what can I say to DD that won't make her feel terrible about her situation? She will retort--rightly so--"there's no guarantee that it will be different for me elsewhere" or "you should be glad my number one priority is a good education."

Edited January 27, 2012 by distancia

[ebunny]

:grouphug:

[Halcyon]

Be there for her. She will make friends, in time. :grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

I'm so sorry you're both hurting. :grouphug:

 

You know the solution, but she doesn't see it. I'm assuming that she's the one calling the other school the "nothing U". There's so much more to college than academics - she deserves better for herself that what she's got where she's at. Is there anyone else she'd listen to? Could you ask her to just transfer for the fall semester next year, and if she doesn't like it then she can return? Or maybe she could go there for a class or two this summer - hopefully something like painting or dance - something she can enjoy and meet other students. It might be enough that she'd realize that a "lesser" school can be so much better if it's a better fit. She seems to be avoiding to see what's obvious to others. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

Hang in there. Be there for her. The beginning of college can be a very lonely time. If she is getting a great education, that's the main thing. This is just a season, not a life commitment. Be there.

 

A couple of years from now I'll bet you'll be wishing that she would call you.

[kristamaranatha]

Does the college offer a great education? If so, I wouldn't transfer for the sake of socializing. If you have got this far as a homeschooler then this truth should already be evident. School isn't the only place to make friends. I applaud her for standing out from the crowd. She is not a cookie-cutter individual, the same as everyone else. and that's okay. You have always been there for her, and she is continuing with her relationship with you as it always has been. Why should she suddenly stop being in relation with you simply because she is in college? Perhaps you can set a time of day to talk - say, after supper, daily. Maybe a good morning call too, and that's it. Then she can talk to you about her plans for the day in the morning, and what she did with her day after supper. Set a "date" time, say twice a week for coffee and supper on Sundays, or whatever works for you. Let her know that you are still supportive of her and want to be communicating with her. She needs this assurance as she is out on her own. I hope this is helpful. Hang in there.

[OLG]

Give it time. It does take some time for the whole social thing to come together. And, even if it doesn't, it sounds like she has a clear head about the whole thing. I do understand. I fret about my ds being isolated and more than half way across the country. For what it is worth, I firmly believe that connecting with the right people who will become good friends takes time. Have told my ds to chose his friends wisely. Fortunately, he enjoys his own company;) yet I worry about THAT! Mom's always worry about kids no matter how old they become, I am learning.:grouphug:

[J-rap]

I know kids who are their own person, smart, independent, and don't mind doing it alone. But, if her situation is causing her to be depressed, then something needs to change. Could you encourage her to take a semester off? Or is there an outside club where she could meet some more like-minded people? If she is calling you 4 times/day and needs to talk for 45 minutes, something seems wrong to me. Is her plan right now to come home for the summer? Personally, I think a peaceful heart is more important than a great education. Do you think it would benefit her to meet with a school counselor?

[justamouse]

I don't know. She needs to either come home, find another school or suck it up. But calling you and complaining continuously is not going to fix it because it's not fixed yet and she cannot lean on you like this-not when it's her own stubbornness to be there.

 

Big kids, you'd think the problems would end. Nope, they just get bigger. :grouphug:

 

If I remember correctly, you've posted a few times about this problem with her? If I were you-and it'd be the truth, I'd tell her I cannot have a three hour conversation with you each day. I have other children to teach and you are making that impossible. You can call me next Sunday.

 

Because otherwise, she will stay there and keep calling you and stringing all of this along.

[cathmom]

:grouphug:

[Moira in MA]

I'm teary-eyed and overwhelmed as I write this.

:grouphug:

 

DD has been trying so, SO hard to make it at the small college she is now attending. She insists she is going to stay at this school and get a great education, while she valiantly trudges forward in her attempt to enjoy "the college experience". She is as smart as the other students, but cut from a different cloth, and she knows it. It's a mismatch. She dresses differently, looks differently, thinks differently, likes different music, has a different demeanor, etc etc. At first DD did make 2 close friends but both now have boyfriends and they are enmeshed in coupledom. Now dd is alone. She has gone to different campus activities to meet others, but nothing pans out.

 

It is hard when your child is suffering. But it sounds to me that she's going to find a way to make it work for her. Things really do seem to settle down in the second semester -- your sig say's she's a freshman -- and things do get easier.

 

Dd1 is in her second year now, she is busy and involved. Her first semester was tough, the second was much better. Hang in there.

 

My suggestion is that you be supportive of her wishes but set boundaries for yourself. In some ways the hardest aspect of being the parent of older kids is not being about to make everything better.

 

~Moira

[Mommee & Baba]

Be there for her. She will make friends, in time. :grouphug:

:iagree:

 

I wish my mom was more like what you are being to your dd right now. It's the one thing I wish that I had in my mom. To be a MOM! A mom to me is someone who is your friend when you have no one, someone to listen to your struggles and concerns, someone that is nuetral grounded and gives solid advice, and most of all someone who would go out to lunch with me occasionally.

 

All of that is to say I don't have this in my mom. Never haved. Always wished and hoped. :(

 

Your dd will make friends in time. But make this time in her life just like the times when she was home. Be there for her. She will remember this time when she's older, has friends, and a family of her own. Make it a memory for her! :)

[Osmosis Mom]

I don't mean to sound harsh and not knowing you personally then I hope you won't take it like that.

 

But no way would I allow my grown child to call me constantly. I have two girls in college and while I love and miss them them, then I am not doing them a favor by not cutting the cord. We have a few conversations weekly, as in 2 minutes each. Dd who just left last week I have had 1-2 long conversations with her. I push them, push them into making friends, joining clubs, going out. In our case then it might be easier defined since they were required to join their religious group and start making friends there. They have a roommate. Stuff like that. I would not encourage dwelling on negativity.

 

Your dd is not necessarily lonely, she is a loner. Independent, free-spirited. She will find a like-minded person, possibly if she conformed a bit. You mention she likes to go to the town, the others don't which indicates she is in conversation with others, but she insists on doing things her way. I am not saying that is wrong, just that it is harder to make friends if you walk to your own rhythm.

 

So, my advice to you is to only be available for one conversation daily, not to exceed 15 minutes. Cold turkey, but letting her know you love her and want her to stand on her own two legs. She will grow up since she wants to be at this college.

[regentrude]

I think parents never stop caring - but I also think her calling 4-5 times daily is excessive. Yes, it is wonderful if a child loves her parents, but a young adult should not need to lean on her mother that much. In fact, it will prevent her from forming her own support network. (I know that college advisors and counselors prefer that the students learn to manage their own lives without resorting to parental help). She LIVES at home and calls four times a day??? I have written this before in response to others of your postings: I think your DD needs professional counseling:

 

She does not like the school but is snobbish and wants it for the fancy name and looks down at "nothing U" about which she does not know anything. She does not like her major. She feels lonely (although in the previous thread, you said she wants to stay there because she has great friends???)

She does not want to be like the others but does not like it that she puts herself in a position where she is different.

Can it be that the other students remain on campus because that's where they study? You mentioned previously that your DD does not like mundane studywork and wants a lot of free time - can it be that this just does not match with the other students' priorities? That they are willingly putting in the hours to do what's necessary to succeed in their majors and simply do not make the time to walk around town?

 

I think nothing you can do is going to help your DD. She does not want the solution, she does not listen to you. She needs to decide whether she wants to do what is necessary to LIKE it where she is - or she needs to go somewhere else. But she won't hear YOU saying it - she needs to hear from a counselor, advisor, psychologist. She is in charge of her life and has the power to either be happy or miserable, but she needs to see that it is her responsibility to make that happen, not yours.

[distancia]

Hi regentrude (and others). I need to correct a few facts:

 

--DD does not live at home. She is at a college in her hometown.

 

--She likes some facets of the academic environment. But there are some facets which are too open-ended for her, and a lot of time spent on theory vs. application.

 

--This school has a particular emphasis and specialty, but it doesn't have the resources to support a good department in DD's major.

 

--She has made a few good friends, but unfortunately they have since acquired boyfriends, are spending "all" their time with boyfriends [for both girls this is their first experience in a steady relationship], so those nights of sitting around watching chick flicks and painting toenails are no more.

 

--I agree, DD needs to come to a conclusion for herself. She likes to go out and about to art galleries, festivals, etc in town and if she can't find other studetns who want to do those things (and most don't seem to) then she either has to go it alone or go somewhere with a more active student body.

 

--You're right, I can't fix it and DD doesn't want me to, she just wants someone to listen to her.

[regentrude]

Hi regentrude (and others). I need to correct a few facts:

 

--DD does not live at home. She is at a college in her hometown.

 

 

Did you not write a few days ago that she is a commuter student due to bad dorm conditions and can NOT live in the dorm, that she commutes from home and has a crash pad close to school? I am sorry if I misread that.

 

--She likes some facets of the academic environment. But there are some facets which are too open-ended for her, and a lot of time spent on theory vs. application.

 

 

She needs to weigh the pros and cons. If the cons outweigh, she needs to change schools.

 

--This school has a particular emphasis and specialty, but it doesn't have the resources to support a good department in DD's major.

 

 

Why would she want to go to a school that does not offer good resources in her major? Is the school's name so important to her? Why?

 

She likes to go out and about to art galleries, festivals, etc in town and if she can't find other studetns who want to do those things (and most don't seem to) then she either has to go it alone or go somewhere with a more active student body.

 

 

I see two possible solutions to this: find people to enjoy these activities with who are NOT students at her school - or join some groups/organizations on campus and do some things the other students do.

[Jane in NC]

Hi regentrude (and others). I need to correct a few facts:

 

--DD does not live at home. She is at a college in her hometown.

 

--She likes some facets of the academic environment. But there are some facets which are too open-ended for her, and a lot of time spent on theory vs. application.

 

--This school has a particular emphasis and specialty, but it doesn't have the resources to support a good department in DD's major.

 

--She has made a few good friends, but unfortunately they have since acquired boyfriends, are spending "all" their time with boyfriends [for both girls this is their first experience in a steady relationship], so those nights of sitting around watching chick flicks and painting toenails are no more.

 

--I agree, DD needs to come to a conclusion for herself. She likes to go out and about to art galleries, festivals, etc in town and if she can't find other studetns who want to do those things (and most don't seem to) then she either has to go it alone or go somewhere with a more active student body.

 

--You're right, I can't fix it and DD doesn't want me to, she just wants someone to listen to her.

 

Perhaps this is why we are confused. In another thread you wrote

So, dd began commuting to- and -from our home mid-semester, while maintaining the dorm room which was covered by various forms of financial aid.

 

Further, you went on to say

Commuting turned into a huge fiasco, very draining for her, especially because she had on-campus projects on the weekends, also, which meant she commuting 7 days a week. The school requires a tremendous amount of on-campus involvement. Not only that, but dd had classes that ended at 10 pm...

 

At the beginning of the fall semester, you had written that your daughter was returning home on the weekends which I felt was peculiar when she was also complaining about not making friends. Weekends are the time when students can enjoy themselves. Perhaps she could find someone to attend town functions if she were to make weekend plans with fellow students?

 

That said, my son spends much of his weekend studying. Your daughter wants it all and on her terms. There have been campus speakers that my son had to miss because of tests or group project meetings. One cannot always do everything especially on a vibrant campus. So why does your daughter expect her fellow students to study, participate in those aforementioned things that require a great deal of "on-campus involvement" and hang around the galleries and cafes of town?

 

Is she playing you for sympathy? Something is not right with the picture.

 

I wish her well and you peace.

 

Jane

Edited January 27, 2012 by jane.kulesza

[TranquilMind]

Be there for her. She will make friends, in time. :grouphug:

Absolutely. She's not found her people yet, but be there happily until she does.

 

In a few years, you might be saying, "How come you never call?"

 

I'd happily be my daughter's friend if she wanted me to.

[choirfarm]

I got the idea that these were two different children??? I almost posted thesame question. Distancia... are these two different situtations with two different daughters???? Otherwise, this doesn't make sense..

 

Did you not write a few days ago that she is a commuter student due to bad dorm conditions and can NOT live in the dorm, that she commutes from home and has a crash pad close to school? I am sorry if I misread that.

 

 

She needs to weigh the pros and cons. If the cons outweigh, she needs to change schools.

 

 

 

Why would she want to go to a school that does not offer good resources in her major? Is the school's name so important to her? Why?

 

 

 

I see two possible solutions to this: find people to enjoy these activities with who are NOT students at her school - or join some groups/organizations on campus and do some things the other students do.

[regentrude]

I got the idea that these were two different children??? I almost posted thesame question. Distancia... are these two different situtations with two different daughters???? Otherwise, this doesn't make sense..

 

no, as per signature line she has only one DD.

[Deb in NZ]

I don't mean to sound harsh and not knowing you personally then I hope you won't take it like that.

 

But no way would I allow my grown child to call me constantly. I have two girls in college and while I love and miss them them, then I am not doing them a favor by not cutting the cord. We have a few conversations weekly, as in 2 minutes each. Dd who just left last week I have had 1-2 long conversations with her. I push them, push them into making friends, joining clubs, going out. In our case then it might be easier defined since they were required to join their religious group and start making friends there. They have a roommate. Stuff like that. I would not encourage dwelling on negativity.

 

Your dd is not necessarily lonely, she is a loner. Independent, free-spirited. She will find a like-minded person, possibly if she conformed a bit. You mention she likes to go to the town, the others don't which indicates she is in conversation with others, but she insists on doing things her way. I am not saying that is wrong, just that it is harder to make friends if you walk to your own rhythm.

 

So, my advice to you is to only be available for one conversation daily, not to exceed 15 minutes. Cold turkey, but letting her know you love her and want her to stand on her own two legs. She will grow up since she wants to be at this college.

 

:iagree: What you mention that your dd enjoys doing is very different from what most uni students want / expect during university. I'm not saying that she is wrong to want to do those things, but she will find it difficult to find others who want to spend the little free time they have doing those things. My dd is in her 3rd year at uni & her free time is mostly spent studying & working. What little other free time is taken up with the day to day requirements of living (i.e cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, sleeping, etc.) Although dd doesn't enjoy parties, she did go to a few her first year to meet people. She soon found a few friends who had similar interests (travel, diving, hiking, etc.) If she had never conformed that tiny bit to the uni social scene she would have had trouble finding like-minded people.

 

As far as phoning several times a day...that is very excessive. We speak with dd on the phone 2-3 times a month for about 15 minutes at a time. Dd will occasionally txt if she has a question or news, but for the most part her life is where she's living now. When I know she is stressed, I have sent her a care package with a few treats. I think she made the 5 hour trip home six times in the past year & she only was home for three days each time due to work &/or study commitments back at uni. Her first year she was home even less. Some of dd's interests (scouting, church, etc.) are not common among her fellow uni students. She looked outside of the university for like-minded people who share those interests.

 

IMHO moving universities won't fix all of what is bothering your dd. She needs to decide what is most important to her, making friends or doing things her way. As far as her major...if the university has an option of designing her own major, that is the best route for her to take. Even then she will have to conform a bit to fit in with the uni's requirements. That is all a part of growing up.

 

Blessings,

[Barbara H]

I'm sure this must be really stressful for both of you. As you've posted about a variety of problems (academic fit, housing difficulties, health issues, friendship dissatisfaction) I would encourage her to seek out help from the counseling center on campus. Private counseling would also be an option, but if the resources exist on campus that can sometimes be a better option as the counselors will have met with many students who have adjustment problems and they know what is typical and what isn't. Getting an assessment of her anxiety level may be a good idea. I hope you find answers!

[TravelingChris]

My opinion is the same as many others. Number one- you can't take these long calls numerously times a day. I still have a child I am homeschooling but even if I didn't, my role as a parent is not to sit around waiting for 3 or 4 45 minute phone calls every day. One, much shorter phone call a day-like 5 minutes=should do. One longer call once a week too. The fact that your dd is needing you so much, having problems with friends, having problems with her major, having problems with her health, having problems with her living conditions, and yet insisting on staying at this campus makes me also advise counseling for her. Hopefully the school has a good counselor for students who is used to this kind of thing.

 

Your daughter is not making a good adjustment to college life. Hopefully, counseling will make that better.

[8filltheheart]

My suggestion remains the same as what I have posted to your other threads on this issue. You have stated that your dd is an Aspie. Seek a program that offers Aspies on-campus support. I recently learned about Marshall's Aspie program and have heard it is excellent. http://www.mucollegesupport.blogspot.com/

[Barbara H]

My suggestion remains the same as what I have posted to your other threads on this issue. You have stated that your dd is an Aspie. Seek a program that offers Aspies on-campus support. I recently learned about Marshall's Aspie program and have heard it is excellent. http://www.mucollegesupport.blogspot.com/

 

When I suggested counseling at the school counseling office I didn't realize she has Asperger's. That's certainly going to make the college adjustment more difficult. In that case I would suggest working with someone specially trained in ASD because therapy with someone who doesn't understand ASD can be a really frustrating and unproductive experience. If she already has a therapist at home, maybe they can suggest someone closer to campus.

[Kareni]

From her profile page, I see that distancia was Last Active Oct 29 2013.  She may no longer be following posts on the board here.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Elisabet1]

I'm teary-eyed and overwhelmed as I write this.

 

DD has been trying so, SO hard to make it at the small college she is now attending. She insists she is going to stay at this school and get a great education, while she valiantly trudges forward in her attempt to enjoy "the college experience". She is as smart as the other students, but cut from a different cloth, and she knows it. It's a mismatch. She dresses differently, looks differently, thinks differently, likes different music, has a different demeanor, etc etc. At first DD did make 2 close friends but both now have boyfriends and they are enmeshed in coupledom. Now dd is alone. She has gone to different campus activities to meet others, but nothing pans out.

 

When we look at what our DD is getting out of this, we're not sure the great education is worth the trade-offs, which I've posted elsewhere. We know that this is DD's choice--after all, she earned the scholarships--but her decision is affecting us, primarily me, mom.

 

I am getting 'phone calls 4 or 5 times a day. I know dd is very lonely. She goes out a lot around town [it's her hometown area, and she loves it, and it has some phenomenal attractions that you can't find elsewhere] so she's comfortable being out and about, but she is tired of doing it alone. She has asked other students to go with her, out for ice cream or a walk downtown, but they prefer the insularity of campus, the "bubble" they call it. DD was hoping to meet a few kindred spirits, but it isn't happening. She is vibrant and personable and can talk to 20- and 30- somethings about practically any topic (her last boyfriend was 26, and the dance troupe with whom she dances professionally are all in the age 30-40 bracket), but with her peers at this school, nada. But, DD says she is not going to transfer to an inferior school because it's all about education. I cannot dissuade her in any way.

 

Tonight I told hubby that I cannot continue doing this, being DDs support system and only friend, simply because she has chosen to be at this school. Her best friend is at a state school 90 miles away, and DD could transfer there, but she won't, it's a big nothing U. Other friends are at other mainstream Us throughout the state. Therefore, it's me, mom, who is asked to go out and meet for lunch or shopping, to give advice, to discuss career options, etc. The calls go on for 30 or 45 minutes at a time, several times a day. I am bearing the brunt of this.

 

I did tell DD that dad and I are intending to travel and she will have to develop a network among her college cronies. She hears me, but the reality is, it's not happening. I cringe to think that I will have to be in this same situation next year...and the year after next...and then DD will finally leave school, and be as alone as when she first went started.

 

What can I do? Certainly not what I am doing now. And what can I say to DD that won't make her feel terrible about her situation? She will retort--rightly so--"there's no guarantee that it will be different for me elsewhere" or "you should be glad my number one priority is a good education."

Sad as this sounds, stop taking all the calls. She is not growing up when she is spending all that time calling. If transferring is a possibility and you can help her work toward that, then fine. Otherwise, she needs to learn to deal with it without 4-5 calls a day.

 

Trust me, I know how it is. BTDT and will be there again soon. Honestly, my daughter seems to "hate" every place she goes. She is very different from other people. And her way to deal with it is to call me constantly and complain about it.  I am sure that next year come end of August, I will be fielding constant calls about how miserable her life is, how terrible her profs are, how horrid her roommate is, how she cannot sleep because the other girls on the floor are so loud, etc etc etc. 

 

She went to overnight camp one summer, the entire summer. She spent every moment they would allow her to be in the phone calling me, to complain about how miserable she was. I realize now that I should have just said no. Allowing her to focus on complaining to me (which is what I was doing when I took those calls) allowed her to not focus on improving her situation, or improving her perception or attitude of her situation.  I have already vowed (and I know it will be very hard) that when she goes to college, I will not take the several calls a day, that I know she will be doing.

 

Not taking her calls does not mean not caring. And indulging all the time does not mean caring. Taking all her calls means indulging, and that is it. (I am only saying this with kindness, as I know what it is like, and i know I will be there again soon). Oh, I should mention that my daughter has spent her high school years telling me how horrible everyone is and how she is so different from everyone and she does not fit in. She is more conservative. She likes classical music and symphony. She is not interesting in "trendy" things, etc. But there came a point where I had to tell her to deal with it and stop taking all the complaints. Things did get better after that. But, I know her well enough to know she will sink back in to it quickly when allowed. If your daughter is calling you 4-5 times a day, she is spending more time calling then on her actual life.

 

Good luck! And I hope I have helped!

[Catherine]

I my have a slightly different perception of the situation based on my own experience. But IMO college is first and foremost an educational endeavor. I had a frankly sucky social life in college, particularly for the first 2 years. I stuck it out because it was the only one I could afford, because I was doing well academically, and it was helping me to meet my longer-term goals. But it wasn't a happy time. I also worked a lot of hours and that didn't improve my social life.

 

If my young adult kid wanted to talk to me every day, I would be thrilled. I realize that this feels like burden to you-I'm sure it probably would to me as well if I was in the situation. But if it was me, I would bend over backwards to hang in there, provide any and all support I could possibly provide, encourage, and let it play out its own way. There is no way I'd encourage a kid to leave a better academic situation, that she wanted to stay at, so she'd have a better social life. Some things, temporarily, are more important, particularly if it's temporary.

[Reefgazer]

OK, the colleges worthy of consideration can't be the only one she's attending and the Nothing-U of her friend, right?  Can you broach the idea of another university that still has great academics and encourage her to consider transferring?  No college, job, house, or church is right for everyone, and maybe she needs to transfer.  That said, she'll probably make a friend or two eventually and be OK. 

[Guest submarines]

I my have a slightly different perception of the situation based on my own experience. But IMO college is first and foremost an educational endeavor. I had a frankly sucky social life in college, particularly for the first 2 years. I stuck it out because it was the only one I could afford, because I was doing well academically, and it was helping me to meet my longer-term goals. But it wasn't a happy time. I also worked a lot of hours and that didn't improve my social life.

 

If my young adult kid wanted to talk to me every day, I would be thrilled. I realize that this feels like burden to you-I'm sure it probably would to me as well if I was in the situation. But if it was me, I would bend over backwards to hang in there, provide any and all support I could possibly provide, encourage, and let it play out its own way. There is no way I'd encourage a kid to leave a better academic situation, that she wanted to stay at, so she'd have a better social life. Some things, temporarily, are more important, particularly if it's temporary.

:iagree:

 

I knew it was an old thread, but I'm glad I read it in its entirely because I came upon this reply above, and I think it might be useful to someone in the future.