How do you get rid of the MOM FRUMP and actually look nice?

[Ottakee]

I am a size 18 or so--so not really small and I am only 5'5" tall.

 

I was walking today with friends and we are all about the same size but one is single with a good career and 5'11" so she can really dress up and look very classy--her height helps as well as her larger clothing budget.

 

That said, I need to find some good basic clothes that look NICE and CLASSY but yet are washable, not really expensive, and COMFORTABLE.

 

Where do you start with something like this? My $1 thrift store jeans and barn sweatshirts just aren't doing it.

 

I am also thinking of having my ears re-pierced. I had them double pierced as a teen and then went without earrings for years. I now have little studs in the top holes but can't get anything in the bottom holes (I think if I had a brave friend who could SEE where they were aiming I might be able to get them back in). That makes it harder to wear cute earrings. I also don't know how do do make up or get earrings/necklaces to match, etc.

 

I don't want to spend tons of time getting ready for something but I need to not looks frumpy all the time either.

 

We have a mini farm so I do spend a lot of time outside in the barn, caring for the animals, scooping poop, etc. but even if I knew WHAT to look for style wise at the thrift stores I might be able to have more flattering jeans and tops to wear out there.

 

It would be ideal if I could get many/most things at Goodwill (we do have a very nice store as we are outside a more rich/touristy town) but I can hit the stores at the mall if I need to.

 

HELP

[Momof3littles]

I have a different body type, but I'd probably look at buying a few pairs of nice fitting pants and washable tops in solid colors to start. I mean, I feel pretty good in a nice fitting long sleeved tee (not a frumpy, unshapely one). Wovens, like blouses, are often better at hiding some bulges and problem areas.

 

GW is a good place to look for accessories like scarves. If you start with maybe just 2 prs of nice fitting pants (I'd even recommend maybe saving up, asking for GCs, etc. to make sure you get the best pants you can for your shape. Ones that make you feel stellar, vs 5 pairs of mediocre, poorly fitting pants, kwim?) and 2-3 tops that can be dressed up with scarves or jewelry (whatever flatters you) that will get you somewhere. I also think a nice jacket (something tailored or that has a nice fit) and a nice coat can make inexpensive tops and a nice pair of pants look fantastic. Maybe a nice no-iron button down shirt (do those fit you well?) or blouse that can be accessorized with a cute jacket?

 

Earrings-depends on what you want. Studs? Long more dramatic earrings (I think those can look really nice on plus sized women in particular)? Lots of places carry inexpensive earrings. Etsy has great one of kind types of pieces for 10-30 dollars (can go higher or lower, but in that range there are many options IME). Etsy also has some cool scarves and accessories too.

 

Maybe look for one or two long necklaces (like chunkier beaded necklaces) that can be worn with tops like turtlenecks) and then maybe one or two shorter ones.

 

Do you read any style blogs? There are some great ones out there for women of all shapes and sizes.

Edited December 17, 2011 by Momof3littles

[wonderchica]

For makeup I would recommend going to good, basic line at the department store/Sephora (Clinique, Bobbi Brown, Laura Mercier) and ask for a makeover to show you the basics. You don't have to buy anything, but write down the products/colors and buy the equivalent at the drugstore. Wet N Wild is super cheap ($1-$3) and makes surprisingly good stuff, particularly eyeshadow and pencils. For everyday I would get a blush, taupe eyeshadow, mascara (Cover Girl), and a sheer lipgloss. Get a fluffy eyeshadow brush and blush brush. For a little extra, a brown eyeliner and a translucent powder.

[MariannNOVA]

My suggestion (I have my 'go out of the house' outfit - which consists of jeans that fit incredibly well ('not your daughters jeans' -- expensive but worth every penny) and I have searched and looked at do-s and don'ts and figured out flattering tops for me so I can break out of the black pants/black top mold I have worn for years.

 

I am 5'3" and losing weight but I have a ways to go -- but I am getting there.

 

Find comfortable shoes or boots with a comfortable heel -- I find that adding inches helped me considerably -- both in the way I looked and the way that I have to walk in heels. I bought a pair of shoes that go with absolutely everything - I make sure they are clean and shiny and when I go out, they always look new.

 

I have invested a very small amount of $$$ in bracelets, necklaces, a nice watch, and a few scarves -- but I have learned to be careful with scarves as they totally throw me out of proportion -- I wear them now infrequently.

 

There you go -- nice top (I have purchased 6 really nice tops at incredible markdowns), jeans/pants, accessories (you cannot fight the accessory thing -- a little bling and shine goes a LONG LONG way -- I've stopped fighting it and I have given in) -- I look at ads in People magazine and at what 'people' are wearing to see what is 'in' right now. Right now, I am wearing these blingy bangles that at least half a dozen people a day compliment me on and ask where I bought them (I spent $18. on them at a mall and they were worth every penny).

 

Start by putting together ONE outfit -- and go from there. I take the outfit off when I get in the door - hang everything up, put it all away, and put on a comfortable lounging outfit (again, off the clearance rack) -- I wanted something to wear in between my 'outfit' and my pajamas. I do not want to be cooking or doing stuff at night in my 'outfit.'

 

HTH -- and, when you go shopping, if you feel 'overwhelmed' don't buy anything -- the shopping mistakes I have made have been when I feel overwhelmed and I lose sight of my objective.

 

 

:D

[OrdinaryTime]

I always have two pair of nice, dark wash jeans that fit me very well. They are flattering, comfortable, and versatile. For casual occasions or running errands, I can put on a sweater or casual top. I can dress them up with a nice blouse, heels, and jewerly for parties ordates with dh. One pair isn't enough, but two seems like plenty. It took me some time to find a few brand of jeans that fit my body well. Now I look for those brands at thrift stores, on ebay, or just on-sale. I get a credit card/membership st the stores that carry the brands I like as well so I can earn points and get coupons.

 

As for tops, figure out what kind of neckline looks best on you: v-neck, crew, etc. Figure out what colors look best with your skin. Now when you shop, you can quickly look through items by checking the neckline and color palette. For winter- I like to have some thin cotton sweaters that can be layered. Also, a few cardigans in neutrals that can be worn with my spring and summer shirts to extend their use. I have one big fuzzy warm open sweater or a nice jacket in a neutral color that I can wear with anything.

 

Also, it can be helpful to pick one neutral (black, brown, gray, navy) to build your wardrobe around. Then everything matches. Main sweater/jacket, belt, shoes, purse, all in the same neutral. I find this helps you from wasting time and money because it focuses your shopping and ensures that new items will work with existing clothes.

 

Hope this helps!

[Sevilla]

I will try to find an older thread - it was HUGE discussing this very topic.

[OrdinaryTime]

My suggestion (I have my 'go out of the house' outfit - which consists of jeans that fit incredibly well ('not your daughters jeans' -- expensive but worth every penny) and I have searched and looked at do-s and don'ts and figured out flattering tops for me so I can break out of the black pants/black top mold I have worn for years.

 

I am 5'3" and losing weight but I have a ways to go -- but I am getting there.

 

Find comfortable shoes or boots with a comfortable heel -- I find that adding inches helped me considerably -- both in the way I looked and the way that I have to walk in heels. I bought a pair of shoes that go with absolutely everything - I make sure they are clean and shiny and when I go out, they always look new.

 

I have invested a very small amount of $$$ in bracelets, necklaces, a nice watch, and a few scarves -- but I have learned to be careful with scarves as they totally throw me out of proportion -- I wear them now infrequently.

 

There you go -- nice top (I have purchased 6 really nice tops at incredible markdowns), jeans/pants, accessories (you cannot fight the accessory thing -- a little bling and shine goes a LONG LONG way -- I've stopped fighting it and I have given in) -- I look at ads in People magazine and at what 'people' are wearing to see what is 'in' right now. Right now, I am wearing these blingy bangles that at least half a dozen people a day compliment me on and ask where I bought them (I spent $18. on them at a mall and they were worth every penny).

 

Start by putting together ONE outfit -- and go from there. I take the outfit off when I get in the door - hang everything up, put it all away, and put on a comfortable lounging outfit (again, off the clearance rack) -- I wanted something to wear in between my 'outfit' and my pajamas. I do not want to be cooking or doing stuff at night in my 'outfit.'

 

HTH -- and, when you go shopping, if you feel 'overwhelmed' don't buy anything -- the shopping mistakes I have made have been when I feel overwhelmed and I lose sight of my objective.

 

 

:D

 

I second the Not Your Daughter's brand of jeans. They carry them at Macy's. I just bought a pair of mid-rise, boot cut ones for my MIL for Christmas and thought they were well-made, attractive, and the right kind of cut for a normal woman!

[NicAnn]

The best thing I did, was to buy comfortable tops that just weren't t-shirts. So now I have a lot of cotton 3/4 length sleeve shirts, maybe with a v-neck, some embellishments, or pattern. That way I'm still low key, but it looks nicer and can be dressed up if needed.

[Sevilla]

Here it is: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=307375

 

There was a lot of great advice in there. Basically, it boils down to this:

 

1. Know what colors are most flattering on you and ONLY buy those colors.

2. Know what styles are most flattering on you and ONLY buy those styles.

3. Make a wardrobe plan so you know what you need to wear and find and don't buy things you don't need

4. Follow the 'rule of 3' (three clothing items + three accessories) to look well put together

Ex. Jeans/tshirt is not a good outfit. Jeans/tshirt/cardigan + scarf, bracelet, earrings and cute shoes is a great outfit!

 

5. Get a flattering haircut - this does more than anything else to make you look put together. Hair framing your face, side-swept bangs, and avoiding the 'mom ponytail' or 'straight across bangs from the 90's' are two big no-nos ;).

 

Two books that might help too:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Not-Look-Old-Effortless/dp/B003P2VBIA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324150024&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Science-Sexy-Unique-Figure-Shapeand/dp/B001JJBO9W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324150015&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Good-Girls-Dont-Have-Dress/dp/B005GNLJUQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324150038&sr=1-1

 

http://www.dressingyourtruth.com also has a lot of great advice - I follow her stuff for my type and look so much less frumpy than I did two years ago!

[KungFuPanda]

I think a pair of black slacks, a solid top, a pretty scarf, and some decent shoes (not sneakers) can take you ANYWHERE. For make-up, get some brushes and seek out a YouTube tutorial. Neutral shades and a little skill with application can do wonders. It's not impossibly hard, you just have to play with it a bit. If you have a fashionista friend, let her help you. She's probably been hoping you'd ask :D

[HollyDay]

Personally, I don't think frumpy has anything to do with size, height, weight, etc. For the past year, I've been stuck within 10 lbs of goal weight, but I am just now coming out of the "fumpy" look. My wardrobe consisted of jeans and tshirts in winter and shorts and tshirts in summer. Outside of "church" clothes, that was about it. I no longer have toddlers or nursing babies to chase but my style had not updated.

 

For my winter clothes, first thing I did was get some shirts other than crew neck tshirts. Even my Life is Good tshirts were still crew neck tshirts. I started watching for sales and got some henley style, some Vneck, some button up shirts that were all longer, more tunic length. That immediately changed the look of the jeans outfit. Then I started saving up to replace the jeans. I found Lee slacks that fit like jeans but come in browns, greys, khakis. Most of my jeans are 5 to 10 years old, so they were wearing out or just didn't fit well anymore. I bought a couple new jeans from Old Navy when I found them on sale. After my much loved favorite tennis shoes just gave up the sole, I bought a nice pair of comfy shoes (not sneakers) and another pair of tennis shoes at a "buy one get one free" sale. That made the outfits look a bit sharper just by changing the shoes. I started looking at longer necklaces that would pretty much go with anything and bought 2 when I could find them at a price I was willing to pay. Instead of just getting my hair trimmed, I got it styled differently in a very easy to maintain style. I went to the Clinique counter and found a foundation and blush I actually like the feel of on my skin. I only wear lipstick, foundation, and blush, nothing else, so it is a simple routine.

 

I'm not sure what summer will bring. It is so hot in summer where we live that I really don't care too much for fashion, I just want to be as cool and comfortable as possible. But, at least 2 pairs of my shorts are almost thread bare and will need to be replaced. Most of my sundresses were on their last thread this past summer and will need replacements too. I suppose some variation of the above will have to take place in the summer, but I'm hoping it will only involve the shorts and not shirts and possible a dress or 2. Sandals/flip flops/sneakers are still good for summer for me.

 

HTH

[5 Hikers]

Don't wear T-shirts or sweatshirts unless you are in the barn! Replace sweatshirts with a sweater, or even a cardigan. Look for styles that complement your shape. No mom Jeans! Get wide-legged trouser jeans, they look nicer and are just as easy to wash and wear. Look for a nice pair of black slacks. I cannot do button up shirts without a cami because my bOOks are considerably large compared to my waist, But if I leave the buttons undone it looks stylish with a cami.

It is also amazing what just a little heel will do to the overall look.

[MissKNG]

For going out - Black pants with that thin stretchy material with a black "sparklely" top. The Target "Mossimo" collection is nice and affordable.

[MariannNOVA]

I second the Not Your Daughter's brand of jeans. They carry them at Macy's. I just bought a pair of mid-rise, boot cut ones for my MIL for Christmas and thought they were well-made, attractive, and the right kind of cut for a normal woman!

 

....and they do make one look as if they have lost 10 lbs -- I wouldn't have believed it, but I do now.

 

They wash fabulously too -- wash and hang to dry.

[Ottakee]

I do need a decent pair of shoes. They must fit my orthodics though as otherwise I can't hardly walk. Right now I wear my tennis shoes almost all of the time due to the orthodics---otherwise I have on my cowboy boots---but i could dress them up a bit :-)

[Onceuponatime]

It really helps to define your personal style.

 

Are you classic, romantic, active/sporty, trendy? Or does some other adjective describe your look? If you don't know, or don't have a look, decide what look would be most natural for you by thinking about times when you have recieved the most compliments.

 

Next develop a color palette based on one or two neutrals that flatter you the most: Black, grey, chocolate, navy, tan, etc. Decide what color tones you will use to compliment the neutrals: Muted, light/bright, jewel, bold/pure color. Within those tones, create color cards with samples of colors that can be mixed and matched. Take them with you when you shop. Only buy things that blend with the rest of your wardrobe in some way.

 

 

Pick a base metal for all your jewelry and accessories: silver, gold, antiqued silver/pewter, brass/antique gold.

 

Stick to your style and colors, weed out what doesn't work in your wardrobe, prune mercilessly. If you never wear it, donate it. Only buy what you love. Be picky. Take your time to refine and develop your style. Try not to ask other people to pick what looks good on you, they are not you.

 

There is a woman in our church who dresses "Florida chic." She looks amazing, I've never seen anyone dress like her. Her colors are all tropical with white/Navy/gold as her neutrals. She wears matching widebrimmed straw hats with most of her outfits. You would think it looks silly in this day and age but she pulls it off with style.

 

For the last year and a half, I've been trying to develop my own style that suits me. I guess I would be "casual romantic." My colors are soft and muted. My neutrals are grey and soft navy. My metal is mostly soft/antique silver. I pick clothes for thier comfort and ease of wear. 75% of my clothes come from the thrift store. Now that I know exactly what I'm looking for it is so much quicker to shop.

 

Right now I'm wearing dark burgundy corduroys with an antique rose turtleneck and a grey fleece vest. I love it. :-)

 

Edited to add: Jeans- what not to wear: high waist, tapered legs, hem that ends at your ankle, high pockets, embellishments on the rear (unless you want attention there), . Preferred: boot cut, midrise, pockets that are lower on your bum, hem that ends just at the floor when you are shoeless.

Edited December 17, 2011 by Onceuponatime

[prairiewindmomma]

Go look on pinterest. I have gotten some great ideas about how to put outfits together around a pair of blue jeans.

 

I'm built the same way as you.....boot cut jeans, A line skirts, and v-neck wrap dresses look best on me. You need something to give definition to your body....

 

I have good luck with Target's mossimo line for fashionable, inexpensive dresses and the Old Navy sweetheart cut jeans.

 

If you are into horsey things...a pair of jeans, boots, and fun top with turquoise jewelry could work for you!

[Hockey Mom]

I know this may sound crazy, but get a makeover on your hair!

 

I swore I would never, never, never dye my naturally red hair. I swore I would go gray gracefully. Well....two days ago I met an amazing hair stylist and she convinced me to color my (fading) red hair. I went dark auburn with light red (much like my natural color) streaks. I look 10 years younger!! I've had half a dozen compliments on the color from complete strangers too.

 

Because I went darker, and it looks fantastic with my skin tone, I found that bolder/darker colors look really good on me now too...darker = thinner illusion. :D

 

DS8 says my hair reminds him of peanut butter and jelly now. LOL That's a compliment from him. :p

[Iucounu]

Might these help?

[LibraryLover]

I should not be giving fashion advice. ;) lol But a great fitting pair of dark jeans, black boots w/a nice heel, a couple of fitted tops, and a cute scarf (a scarf also means you don't have to look for a necklace that matches anything ;)) can help you slip in and out casually. It's not over-the-top, it's not trying to be anything, and it's neither super- fashionable or unfashionable. You're simply a woman in good jeans, a tidy top, and a cute scarf. If you have a little bangle on your wrist, you're a little more 'not frumpy'. I also think a wrap shawl thing is easier than a coat. If you have one is black or dark purple, you're golden. ;) You don't have to match anything.

 

It's not harder to wear fitted jeans and a fitted shirt than it is to wear ribcage-high jeans & a man's baggy t. :)

Edited December 17, 2011 by LibraryLover

[lynn]

A pair of good fitting jeans and a really good fitting bra to start.

Fitted but not tight tops ( I like the t-shirts from Kohls, I think it's daisy fluentes perfectT

A pair of comfortable heels, mules, clogs, boots, ballet flats (i get most from Ross or TJMaxx)

[Jennifer3141]

I agree with Mariann and I'm 5'9. A nice, reasonable heel (like 1-2 inches) makes me feel more dressed up and nice. Heck, a good pair of Borns can give you some nice height.

 

And now I know where to look for a new pair of jeans. Thanks everyone!

 

The other thing that worked for me is a Clarisonic skin thingie. It has a timer and I can spend 3 minutes morning and night making myself look nicer. Doing that for myself makes me want to put on some nice moisturizer and even makeup if I'm going out!

 

I think you need to find one or two things to motivate yourself and then build on it.

[Ottakee]

Thanks for so many ideas. I did go out and buy new undies today :-) Does that count? I have also gone for a bra fitting and have several good bras that fit well.

 

As to style, I would say more casual/Western. We have horses and trail ride so many of my outings are to horse related things. Then we are signing back up as foster parents and are in adoption groups. I could also use some flattering workout clothes---something super comfortable, easy to work out in but modest and flattering as I go to fitness class once a week and walk with friends several times a week.

[MariannNOVA]

Yes, undies count.......as do haircuts, hair color, eyebrow waxing, manicures and pedicures....it all counts. We all need to be kind to ourselves and do these little and big things. :grouphug:

[jennsmile]

For me I spent about $200 on Dressing your truth. I used what I learned to shop goodwill. I love knowing what to look for it makes is much easier for me to quickly find something that not only will I love but will get compliments while wearing.

 

Good luck on your quest.

 

PS DYT is on sale today till midnight.

[Bluegoat]

Thanks for so many ideas. I did go out and buy new undies today :-) Does that count? I have also gone for a bra fitting and have several good bras that fit well.

 

As to style, I would say more casual/Western. We have horses and trail ride so many of my outings are to horse related things. Then we are signing back up as foster parents and are in adoption groups. I could also use some flattering workout clothes---something super comfortable, easy to work out in but modest and flattering as I go to fitness class once a week and walk with friends several times a week.

 

You could build a nice wardrobe around a Western theme, just don't make it too over the top.

 

I'd start with some really good, well fitting jeans. Since that is what you wear a lot, some great ones will make a big difference. If you like coyboy boots, invest in a great pair, and get some fitted button down shirts with a tank top underneath. You could add a fairly fitted jacket in leather or corduroy, something like a motorcycle style - make sure it is a lenghth that is flattering to you, and maybe some pewter or turquoise jewelry or a really nice leather cuff, and a great leather bag.

 

You could even do a narrower jean with tucked into boots if you wore it with something like a shorter wrap style dress - those kinds of dresses in general that cross over at the front are flattering to a lot of figures, and with a slim jean or opaque tights and boots they don't feel too bare. Or, a tunic shirt - but not one that is too billowy, you need to show off some shape. With some big dangly earrings and a cuff bracelet you'd be all set.

 

Rather than switch to non-jeans for dressing up, you could look at switching up to a great denim skirt - not short, something maybe with a bit of flare at the bottom that flatters your figure that you could wear with boots.

[HollyDay]

I do need a decent pair of shoes. They must fit my orthodics though as otherwise I can't hardly walk. Right now I wear my tennis shoes almost all of the time due to the orthodics---otherwise I have on my cowboy boots---but i could dress them up a bit :-)

 

My youngest has orthodics as well. She found a really cute pair of BareTrap boots that are very comfortable for her.

[Bassoonaroo]

I agree with HollyDay that you don't have to be thin and tall to look wonderful. Thinking of my co-op (3 dozen moms) I can think of a mom with a perfect figure, pretty tall, thin, curvy who wears unflattering clothes in drab colors with no makeup at all and non-styled hair. And then there's another lady there who is quite a bit overweight. However she has a wardrobe of flattering clothes in colors and cuts that look great on her. She puts on a little makeup and keeps her hair nice. A necklace or scarf finishes her "look" and she is 10 times more attractive than the lady with the nice figure.

 

Here are a few hints I can throw in there.

 

1) Do the Heidi test. Think of a lady (or two or three) who always looks terrific. As you get dressed for the day (unless you are gardening, painting a room, or giving birth) ask yourself "Would Heidi wear this?" Well, Heidi is the lady I picked. If I answer, "No, it's too frumpy" or "The hem of these jeans are just too frayed," then away with that outfit.

 

2) Ask your Heidi to go shopping with you if she's that kind of friend.

 

3) Be ruthless with your wardrobe. The sweater that was awesome a few years ago might be stretched out, faded, pilled, or simply out of style. Or perhaps your figure isn't the same any more. Jeans that are too tight, a top that emphasizes a sagging buhzum, or a shirt that just looks "tired" need to asked to leave...

[DianeW88]

Go to www.pinterest.com and look at some of the different outfits that people have put together. Click on "everything", then "women's apparel" and it will pull up all the clothing choices. Individual outfits tend to be quite dramatic (and not practical), but the combinations people put together that include accessories are very do-able, and are a great jumping off point. It will help you to see what is fashionable at the moment.

 

If you are not on pinterest and want an invite, PM me your email addy and I'll send you one.