I am losing. my. mind.

[Tiramisu]

:grouphug: Nearly everything you wrote described 2 of my 4. They are my 2 with sensory issues and are my VERY intense kids. ;) They're also my lefties, so DH says they're ALL mine... Anyway, they were also the 2 who, once they got a chance to experience it, really preferred to sleep alone. They were still fussy, intense, needy, etc, etc, etc, but I was able to get a little bit of sound sleep in between their needs, which really helped. Just a thought...

 

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is... :grouphug:

 

I thought of the sensory stuff, too. I don't know if there's an easy answer. This time will pass, though.

 

It would be really good if you could get your dh to take a night a couple of times a week. I think it would do you a world of good to get a good night's sleep.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[plain jane]

I thought of the sensory stuff, too. I don't know if there's an easy answer. This time will pass, though.

 

It would be really good if you could get your dh to take a night a couple of times a week. I think it would do you a world of good to get a good night's sleep.

 

This child goes berzerk when it's not me. Dh does try to do bedtime but after an hour of freaking out I usually step in. I can't take anymore screaming as it breaks my mommy heart. Dh, OTOH, is usually snoring. :rolleyes: Of course, now baby just crawls away once dh falls asleep. :toetap05:

 

Ugh. Y'all are not giving me much hope for the future. :001_unsure: I'm gonna cry. ;)

[plain jane]

:grouphug: Nearly everything you wrote described 2 of my 4. They are my 2 with sensory issues and are my VERY intense kids. ;) They're also my lefties, so DH says they're ALL mine... Anyway, they were also the 2 who, once they got a chance to experience it, really preferred to sleep alone. They were still fussy, intense, needy, etc, etc, etc, but I was able to get a little bit of sound sleep in between their needs, which really helped. Just a thought...

 

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is... :grouphug:

 

This one sleeps longer when I am there. That is why I can't get anything done in the evenings. I keep trying to sneak away and 15 min later there's crying. :willy_nilly:

 

To be honest, I'm really worn out. I'm tired of not being able to do any planning for school in the evenings or getting anything done. A mommy who is not ready makes for long school days. :(

[amyable]

I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to send you many :grouphug: because I have BTDT more than once. For the first time in 14 years I don't have an allergic/sensitive nursing baby (or toddler). No one IRL understands but I'm sure I've got PTSD from the whole thing! What you describe sounds like several of my kids. You mentioned the allergist for your older kids? That would be my first tipoff that allergies or sensitivities of some sort could be a culprit.

 

I wish you lived closer so I could help...

 

BTW Oreos are dairy free. (yes, they have a U-D symbol but apparently that is a holdover from an old recipe and not wanting to get re-kosher-certified or something like that). In any event, my very dairy allergic dd can eat them like there is no tomorrow. Oreos make me happy. :lol:

[Tiramisu]

This child goes berzerk when it's not me. Dh does try to do bedtime but after an hour of freaking out I usually step in. I can't take anymore screaming as it breaks my mommy heart. Dh, OTOH, is usually snoring. :rolleyes: Of course, now baby just crawls away once dh falls asleep. :toetap05:

 

Ugh. Y'all are not giving me much hope for the future. :001_unsure: I'm gonna cry. ;)

 

I guess I didn't help much. Sorry. :grouphug:

 

Could dh take the baby for a nice long car ride while you take a nap?

 

Is anyone successful at distracting your little one from fussing? All four of mine were fussy but were generally distractable for a while at least. Sleeping for any length of time was a huge problem for them, though, and the lack of sleep completely wore me down.

 

It couldn't hurt to look into the reflux. I would have tried that if I knew about it when mine were babies.

[Susan in KY]

...

What on earth do I do?

...

 

Hire in some nighttime help ASAP and sleep until you are no longer exhausted. Seriously. DH and I were on a very thin thread when dd was born, and her fussiness didn't help. It turned out to be dairy in her case, but corn and wheat are also big offenders. I don't think you can make a good go at anything until you get some sleep, though. Hire someone to take over the night shift and then when you have a few weeks or a month of solid rest, you'll be able to handle it more rationally.

 

For those of us who have BDTD, I bet one or two others would agree with your doing everything you can to get some rest so you can enjoy your life again. Some sympathetic college girls would be happy to take the night shift for a few weeks while you get back on track.

[butterflymommy]

There's a lot of middle ground between letting your household fall apart/ losing your mind, and putting a baby to CIO for hours on end. You need to eat, shower, nap, and maintain a regular homeschooling schedule for your other kids. I say buy a noisemaker, but the baby in the crib for the times you need to shower, nap, and do some homeschool prep.

 

I've never understood why moms won't let a baby CIO-- at all, ever-- yet they let resentment, anger, exhaustion, neglecting the other kids build up-- as if those things are ok? Those are all much worse and more dangerous, IMO, than letting a baby cry on occasion while you care for your sanity, other kids, and home.

 

I have a 3 month old who can be cranky (nothing like yours but I've had 1 or 2 like that). But I'm not afraid to put her in the crib when I feel I've reached my "limit--" or if I need to do basic self care things like eating or showering. Yes, she sometimes cries, but she's fine and I maintain my sanity!

 

The three second nursing might be due to not being really hungry-- try spacing nursing further apart. My DD does the same 3 second thing unless she's really hungry, at which point she nurses nicely. :grouphug:

[Rhonda in TX]

I don't have any advice, but the fussiest baby I've ever known turned out to be the easiest toddler I've ever known. :) (no, not my child)

[Cindyg]

Well, I had that same baby. He's 14 years old now.

 

Knowing what know now, if I had to repeat his babyhood, here are some of the things I would try sooner: A weighted blanket, Melatonin, occupational therapy, family therapy...

 

You can buy sublingual Melatonin, and you could slip a crumb in his mouth and just see if it works. I know that probably sounds horrible to most people reading this, but I'm telling you, I had that baby, and if I'd known about Melatonin then, I would have tried it. Even in his infancy. Some people don't produce enough Melatonin to sleep. Going 6 years without sleep didn't help any of us. We made no progress on sleeping or any sort of routine or any sort of normalcy until we discovered melatonin. (I have no way of knowing if your baby would benefit from it; but if it were me, I'd try it.)

 

Weighted blankets can be magical.

 

OT can be magical.

 

Family therapy . . . . well, I don't know how your baby is going to grow up, but mine grew up very complicated; and those complications brought out issues in our family that I never dreamed we'd have to struggle with.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. And I do sympathize.

 

ETA: For my baby, crying it out wasn't an option. And now that he's 14 and we know who he really is, I'm very glad we didn't leave him to cry it out. It would not have helped. It would have made things much worse. (Not saying that's the case with your baby, of course; I'm just saying Mama has to make the judgement call on the individual situation.)

Edited December 14, 2011 by Cindyg

[gardenmom5]

This was my youngest (the poster child for birth control). You have my sympathy. She was NEVER on any schedule and fussed and screamed for hours on end. I didn't like her for a long time, HOWEVER, once she started moving, she was a different baby. It was like a light switch. I swear she was just p**sed off that she couldn't go where she wanted and couldn't communicate.

 

It's hard, hard, hard. I wish I had some advice that would help you NOW. All I *do* have is a delightful 12 year old. I actually like her now. A lot. :)

 

2dd was like that. My first pregnancy symptom was like severe PMS, and it went downhill from there until she was 18months old. (when I felt prompted by the spirit that it was time to have another - I was blunt. we'll talk about it in six months. 2dd and 1ds are 3 1/2 years apart. He was the easist baby . . . . It's actually remarkable how alike they are in many ways. I joke they are my "twins".) I swear she hated being a baby - and really wanted to be able to move. she was walking before she was 10months - and she had *braces* on her feet. the more she was able to do, the happier she became. No one who knows her now can comprehend she was like that as an infant/toddler. She's an aboslute delight.

Edited December 14, 2011 by gardenmom5

[Annie Laurie]

Definitely rule out any allergies, but my baby (who is now 13 months) has taught me that some kids are just intense. He was exactly as you described- could go the entire day without a nap, always up at night, always fussy. I was a mess, it's very hard to be so sleep deprived.

 

He is a little better now, it took awhile but dh took over bedtime and now ds will except dh for comfort so that I at least get a break in the evening for several hours. Ds also sleeps better now, still with us, but not waking me every single hour like he used to. Now he sleeps for a stretch of 2 or 3 hours at a time.

 

He is still intense though, to be honest. He has to be held a lot. He has to nurse a lot. He is constantly into everything. He feels things very deeply- we all know when he's angry or upset. And he still doesn't nap well. I take him into the bedroom for a nap every day at the same time and he sleeps on me in the recliner the entire time. Not great, but he's a lot less whiny when he gets that nap and I've gotten good at typing w one hand, so I can still read online and get things done while he naps on me. I have tried repeatedly to get him napping on his own, but then he hardly sleeps and is a terror for the rest of the day, so I'd rather just hold him so he naps better. I can do this because my other kids are older and they go have quiet time and don't need monitoring, it might be impossible for you if you have other littles. But just a thought- if you can get your baby to nap, even if you have to lay down with the baby, I would do it.

 

Also, if it's possible, it would help you a lot to have some kind of a break if your dh could start getting baby used to taking comfort from him.

 

:grouphug:

[learningmama]

My daughter was like this as a baby and she did enjoy life a bit more when she could be in her walker and then started to walk. The one thing that helped me was that from a very early age, she LOVED watching videos. It held her attention for a little while and she would not cry and I got a few minutes to myself. Her favorites were the Baby Einstein series and Fisher Price's Baby's Day.

[livingnlearning]

My first was like that, never a moment of peace, day or night. Exhausting in every way.

 

He's 14 now and I still vividly remember how helpless and frustrated I felt, it was so freaking hard! I dropped him off at a baby sitter one afternoon a week just for the peace and quiet! He was the same for her too. He could be happy and involved and then need to move on and be held, be here, be there, sleep for 20 minutes, be awake again, exersaucer for half an hour then out again, screamed at the slightest frustration. gads.

 

I always say the bravest thing I ever did was having another kid!

 

He has been an intense kid all the way through but once he could start moving on his own he was a lot better-teach that baby to crawl! LOL

 

My son is also freakishly smart and focused-I like to tell myself that's why he was such a monster of a baby!

 

I wish I had something more helpful to say!

[Catherine]

Unlike some others, I never had an epiphany when the cause was revealed. He was like that until about 18 months, and it gradually improved after that. He has turned out to have a very intense personality and I've believed that his fussiness and general dissatisfaction with his early life was more characterologic than anything else.

 

I don't have much to offer, but I will say that he was NOT a tantrum-thrower. He had exactly one major tantrum in his entire childhood. So you may see other benefits later on.

 

(((hugs))). I KNOW how frustrated and exhausted you are. For me, I was grieving a little over the loss of the content and communicative baby I had hoped for. I got him the second time around though!!

[HeidiKC]

Omigosh, you poor thing! I can't even imagine. I see lots of people have advice on sleeping and eating. What about getting someone to help you out and give you a break until you figure out what the problem is? Is there a homeschooled teen that might be able to take the baby for an hour each day for a walk or something (although I don't know where you live, and it's winter!). Or could someone stay with the baby a couple of hours/day for a couple of weeks while you and the kids went to the library or somewhere to get some work done? At least it would be a little break.

 

Could your husband come home early each night for a week (and since it's almost the holidays, maybe a good time?) to take the baby off your hands from 5-7 and keep him awake during that time? I guess I'd also think about giving up co-sleeping if he's that dependent on having you in the bed with him to sleep.

 

Best of luck. And this, too, shall pass!

 

Oh - should mention I had a friend whose extremely fussy, clingy daughter was diagnosed with Celiac disease at about 9 months. Not what you want to hear, but at least something like that means there is a solution and end to the fussing.

[sandellie4]

I feel so bad for you. :grouphug:

 

One of my twins was like this, and this sounds terrible, but I started to understand for the first time how a baby could be abused by a parent at their wits end. I didn't cross the line, of course, but I had a whole new understanding of the forces at work. I was seeing a therapist at the time, and she suggested that I put Em in a baby seat nearby, so she could wail safely while I tried to make dinner or went to the bathroom, etc. It didn't stop the crying, but it did give me a break from the kid that always seemed to be pushing away from me. At night and during naps, my husband and I would go out on the front porch and wait for her to cry it out. Sometimes it was hours, but she was safe and we were nearby...but the crying was not so loud. We gave up the cosleeping idea and I stopped producing milk at 2 months because of the stress. It was so disappointing not to have this baby "meld" with me like the other one did, you know?

 

She turned out to be a very intense kid, high maintenance, but a good kid once she learned to use her words. OMG, I remember how hard it was. Hang in there. :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Sandy

[melmichigan]

Thank you. I'm going to start a journal today and see what comes of it.

 

I've thought about reflux and have asked my ped and chiro about it. Neither seem to think that's what's going on but neither can say with certainty that it's not what's going on. :confused: I'm going to ask again. Or maybe I can get a script for something and see if it helps. :confused:

 

Frustrating!!!

 

I would definately follow through with this, my youngest had silent reflux. Because I have other children with reflux I was very insistant that we try Prevacid once he was old enough to tolerate it (Zantac and those never worked for other DC). He is a completely different child with it even now. Eventually he had aspiration pneumonia attributed to reflux. The peds tried taking him off of it last year, it was a nightmare.

[Sputterduck]

I had a baby exactly like that. Listen to me, though. It wasn't his fault. He had multiple undiagnosed allergies and very painful silent reflux. Once those were fixed, so was he. He was in pain. Plus he had a severe tongue-tie, couldn't latch for long, and was never really ever satisfied and satiated.

 

Also, he never did nap after 9 months or so. And if I tried to force it he was up 'til 11 or 1 at night. Sound familiar? I stopped spending hours trying to get him to nap. I started putting him to bed at 7 o'clock in the evening. I kid you not. 7 o'clock. Then he started sleeping 12 hours at night. It was amazing and I think I got the idea from the book No Cry Sleep Solution.

 

It's not normal for babies to be fussy all the time. I worried that mine didn't have any reason to be, but he did. He really did. And once I found out *why* he was such a miserable child, I was able to fix it.

[AnneGabe]

t

Edited October 24, 2023 by AnneGabe

[Embassy]

:grouphug::grouphug: I've been there. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

My baby would only sleep when touching me or when I was holding him. It was like that for a long time. He didn't even fall asleep in his carseat until he was 5 months old. He was intense and still is, but intensity in a baby is different than intensity in an older child. He had sensory issues back then which he mostly outgrew. He was also bored. I am amazed when I see babies content to just sit and look around. I point them out to my husband and he is amazed too. My son needed constant stimulation. A car ride required me to sit next to him. Finding a moment to get lunch or have a shower was difficult. He had marathon nursing sessions where he slept. I used the time to read or watch TV. By the time he was a year and a half old he was sleeping in his own bed with frequent wakings. By the time he was 3 he was mostly sleeping through the night. Having a room set up with a bunch of different toy "stations" was very helpful. Once he was somewhat mobile he would go from one place to another and entertain himself. Once he learned how to turn pages in a book he was very happy. His intensity, while at times still challenging, have made him easy to homeschool. Baby carriers were helpful as well.

 

The way you describe your child calming down with you walking around with him in a baby carrier may relate to some sensory issues. Try calling your local Early Intervention program with your concerns about possible sensory issues.

[laundrycrisis]

Dairy did this to my oldest. He cried around the clock, never napped, barely slept at night, woke up crying literally in 40 minute cycles until he was 20 months old. No doctor took me seriously or believed me about how much he cried. He was on Zantac for GERD, but it only helped a little, and I later found out from an ENT it is not a very good medicine - Prilosec is much better. He was an exhausted miserable mess and so was I. He also had reactive airway disease and breathing issues and many infections. I finally lost my job when he was 17 months old due to missing too much work because of his illnesses. His daycare was like, bye, don't let the door....because he was so difficult to care for. When I started staying home with him full time I really did think I might lose it. It was a miserable existence. I started looking into sensory issues. We initially did the dairy elimination at 20 months because I had heard it could be associated with sensory issues. Lo and behold, that baby stopped crying !!! We weaned him off the Zantac, and he stopped wheezing, so we slowly and carefully reduced his asthma meds until he didn't need them anymore at all...and he started taking naps, and the 40 minute sleep cycle changed to a 2-hour sleep cycle, which still sounds pretty bad, but after almost two years of his 40-minute sleep cycle, for him to sleep for two whole hours was heaven !!! Eventually, after he was 3, we did end up using a tiny dose of melatonin at bedtime with a doctor's approval to help him establish a sleep cycle, since he had never developed one on his own due to how miserable his undiagnosed dairy issues had been making him. But yes, dairy did all that to my baby.

 

I would recommend having your baby checked out by a good ENT for signs of GERD. The ENT I ended up going to a couple of years later told me that babies and parents endure pointless misery because pediatricians don't know how to look in the esophagus for GERD, and don't refer parents to an ENT who can do it quickly, and the peds keep prescribing Zantac which doesn't really work, or have parents convinced it is just colic or fussiness and they will have to grow out of it. I would seriously have the baby checked by an ENT for GERD, and if it is present, get a good prescription for some relief from it, and then try eliminating dairy completely and see if it goes away. We noticed it was gone when we could start spacing out his Zantac doses further and further without him screaming.

Edited December 15, 2011 by laundrycrisis

[Pippen]

Been there, and I seriously feel for you. Added to the general fussiness was colic for the first three months and ear tubes at 4 1/2 months. I was never one to feel great about my babies growing up but I was thrilled when that one turned one and started crawling.

 

What we were seeing were early signs of an inflexible personality and serious sensory issues. It was only after we went through the occupational therapy evaluation and did the reading was I able to see how many preferences as an infant (feeding, holding, sleeping, etc.) were driven by the sensory processing problems.

 

:grouphug: Hang in there.

[momma aimee]

I have the fussiest baby ever. Hands down. :glare:

 

It has been nine months of crying, whining, complaining, fussing. I am so sick of it. Oddly enough no colic but we're sure making up for lost time these last few months. :001_huh:

 

I can't take it anymore. I'm not enjoying having a baby at all and I LOVE babies. I daydream of dropping this one off at daycare every morning just so we can get a break from all the fussing.

 

I can't get anything done. My sleep is greatly affected. Not only is the constant night waking but for the last week, baby won't settle down to bed before midnight. MIDNIGHT!!:glare: Our schooling is the most affected. Not only am I totally sleep deprived but there's the constant fussing during school time. Playing on the floor is not good enough, the bouncer is not good enough, in the carrier is ok, but only if I'm not sitting & in constant motion & only then for maybe an hour or so. Then it's fuss, fuss, fuss.

 

Then there's the 3 second nursing routine. Nurse for 3 secs, look around, coo, giggle, try to crawl away, nurse for 3 more seconds, claw at mommy's face, repeat ad nauseum.

 

No naps during the day. Ever. :glare: Trust me, it's not from lack of trying on my part. I waste a good hour to two hours PER DAY trying to get this baby to nap. At the slightest sign of fatigue, I start the nap routine. No luck. Usually around 5pm baby will crash for an hour or so. I know this is the reason baby's up until midnight but lemme tell you, after an exhausting day of fussing and crying I'm so done and ready for a break. :(

 

I am so tired. I am so frustrated. I am incredibly disappointed at how little school work I can get done with my kids because of this baby.

 

These have always been the best years of my life (the ones when I've had a baby) but I'm not enjoying this one at all. Worst of all, I'm already fearing the toddler years. :(

 

What on earth do I do?

 

Edited to add: Since birth this child won't settle in the evening for anyone but me. :willy_nilly: We cosleep and there's always been *constant* waking in the evenings until I come to bed for the night. I rarely get a moment to myself. I've not been able to get anything done in the evenings because of baby. No school prep (which again has greatly affected our schooling) no things for myself, nadda. I get to watch TV shows and sometimes read a book if the book light doesn't get in the way too much.

 

It's been nine months of no time to myself in the evening and I'm going crazy. This one is so difficult and I'm so tired and so frustrated. I do go out by myself once a week or so but even then, I'm so exhausted that it's not even worth it.

 

you push though :D because THAT is what moms do.

 

it helped me to remember -- no matter how unhappy I was at any given time -- my baby boy was much more unhappy or else he'd not be crying / fussy / awake at 3 am ....

 

Hugs

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: My daughter was fussy. My saving grace was the swing. She loved it which was funny because my son hated it. Being sleep deprived is no fun. I hope you find out what is going on soon.

[black_midori]

I would try eliminating stuff from my diet. For my kids it was cows milk dairy.

 

So So So sorry about this. I know it has to be miserable.

:iagree::iagree:

This was absolutely the first thing I thought!! I'd also start with eliminating milk - I've heard that far more babies are allergic to some extent or another to milk than most might think. It is entirely possible that something you are eating/drinking is affecting him through your milk.

[laundrycrisis]

:iagree::iagree:

This was absolutely the first thing I thought!! I'd also start with eliminating milk - I've heard that far more babies are allergic to some extent or another to milk than most might think. It is entirely possible that something you are eating/drinking is affecting him through your milk.

 

When we did the dairy elimination for our son, he was still nursing (it was the only thing that settled him down), so I had to do the total dairy elimination as well.

[Mom-ninja.]

It's not normal for babies to be fussy all the time. I worried that mine didn't have any reason to be, but he did. He really did. And once I found out *why* he was such a miserable child, I was able to fix it.

 

:iagree: I can't agree with this more. There is a reason your little one is so fussy. He telling you something is wrong the only way he can, by being fussy. I would take him to see every specialist and start ruling things out.

 

Go to a ped:

 

allergist

OT

ENT

GI

 

for starters. Have them test and rule out things like GERD/reflux, allergies/sensitivites, ear problems, tonsil/adenoid problems, celiac and chron's, and sensory processing disorder to name a few.

 

One or two cups of coffee can absolutely be a problem for some babies. Some babies can't tolerate any. Switch to herbal tea and see if it helps.

 

Sleepless in America and The No Cry Sleep Solution are both great books. If your baby has sensory and/or health issues, he simply may not be able to shut down to go sleep even though he needs to and wants to.

[lewelma]

I definitely had trouble with food affecting my milk. Specifically the brassicas (brocolli, cabbage, etc), avacado, and chocolate. There was often a 15 hour time delay (my milk had to get to his gut).

 

I would eliminate EVERYTHING from your diet and then build up. I started with eating basically the BRAT (minus the toast) diet banannas, rice, apples, beef mince, and peas. It was soooo boring. But then I could add back in one thing at a time. Worked very well to reduce the fussiness.

 

I also carried my baby/young toddlers on my back for 8 hours a day.

 

Ruth in NZ