Weaning a toddler

[AimeeM]

... from nursing.

 

To clarify, this is the son that has had major medical problems. It was the decision of me, his surgeons, and his pulm team to continue nursing because it was a huge benefit to him.

 

However, he can wean now. He needs to wean now. He's over 2 1/2. I've only did it this long because of the clear medical benefits for him. He is doing very well now. He is not, however, eating normally. Why would he, afterall, when he can just nurse. He still wakes every hour or so to nurse as well.

 

I'm expecting again.

 

I'm exhausted.

 

What's worse - I resent the nursing. I want my bed back. I want some sleep before the new little one makes his/her entrance.

 

I will not, however, allow my son to cry it out. It isn't in the cards. This isn't his fault and I can't stomach the cry it out so, respectfully, if that is the suggestion, I would recommend you save your time and not make it.

 

Sorry to sound snippy about it. That seems to be the only suggestion anyone has and it isn't something I'll consider. I would rather it take forever, do it in small increments, and lose sleep.

 

If you have suggestions for kind and gentle toddler weaning, I would appreciate it.

 

A bit of fyi about my son - he is incredibly small for his age. We are moving him to his own bedroom after we get back from Christmas vacation; but he will be on a floor mattress as he is still too small physically to get in and out of a toddler bed safely (we've had one stitches incident already). His size is directly related to his medical problems and he will always be on the small side. He is very intelligent (knows and recognizes alphabet and numbers up to 10, colors, and shapes) but is very, very behind verbally.

[Scarlett]

It has been a long time but when I weaned my 2 year old it was pretty easy. But he wasn't night nursing. When he wanted to nurse in the morning I just redirected to a sippy cup with milk. He barely even cried over it. I did though. ;) I was sad.

 

I am sure you are exhausted nursing every hour all night long. Wow. Why don't you try a multi prong approach. Before fully weaning him, get him to stop being nursed at night. Give him a sippy cup, redirect....tell him firmly no when he wants to nurse in the night. Tell him no nursing because it is time to sleep now. Then after you both begin getting some sleep at night you can wean completely.

[Mrs Mungo]

I nursed all of my kids until they were 2 1/2, so you don't have to worry about me getting all judgy on you. ;)

 

There are 4 main components to intentional gentle toddler nursing, IMO (this is my own personal theory, not from a book or anything):

 

1. Give them plenty of attention that doesn't involve nursing. A lot of toddlers nurse for attention.

 

2. Distraction, this goes hand-in-hand with the above. Read a story, blow bubbles, take a walk, go to the playground, play with playdough.

 

3. Offer lots of toddler-sized, toddler-friendly snacks and drinks. This is a great time to take a muffin tin or ice cube tray and fill each compartment with cubed fruit, veggies, cheese, raisins, oyster crackers, etc.

 

4. Make nursing less accessible. Don't sit in the favored nursing spot. Have a talk about nursies going night-night when the sun goes down.

[AimeeM]

My husband has been tell him that "boos are sleeping".

 

He can ask to nurse. He says "Boo please?" I feel so badly about turning him down. Probably because he's so stinkin' polite about it.

It has been a long time but when I weaned my 2 year old it was pretty easy. But he wasn't night nursing. When he wanted to nurse in the morning I just redirected to a sippy cup with milk. He barely even cried over it. I did though. ;) I was sad.

 

I am sure you are exhausted nursing every hour all night long. Wow. Why don't you try a multi prong approach. Before fully weaning him, get him to stop being nursed at night. Give him a sippy cup, redirect....tell him firmly no when he wants to nurse in the night. Tell him no nursing because it is time to sleep now. Then after you both begin getting some sleep at night you can wean completely.

[AimeeM]

You make it sound so simple. Bless you :D

I'll give a fair shot, that's for sure.

I nursed all of my kids until they were 2 1/2, so you don't have to worry about me getting all judgy on you. ;)

 

There are 4 main components to intentional gentle toddler nursing, IMO (this is my own personal theory, not from a book or anything):

 

1. Give them plenty of attention that doesn't involve nursing. A lot of toddlers nurse for attention.

 

2. Distraction, this goes hand-in-hand with the above. Read a story, blow bubbles, take a walk, go to the playground, play with playdough.

 

3. Offer lots of toddler-sized, toddler-friendly snacks and drinks. This is a great time to take a muffin tin or ice cube tray and fill each compartment with cubed fruit, veggies, cheese, raisins, oyster crackers, etc.

 

4. Make nursing less accessible. Don't sit in the favored nursing spot. Have a talk about nursies going night-night when the sun goes down.

[Mrs Mungo]

My husband has been tell him that "boos are sleeping".

 

He can ask to nurse. He says "Boo please?" I feel so badly about turning him down. Probably because he's so stinkin' polite about it.

 

I think one of the things that made things easier for us was that dh took over the whole bedtime routine once my kids started sleeping through the night. He would give them their bath, give them a snack, get them ready for bed, brush teeth, read stories and lie down with them. I would "disappear" for a while to read or relax during the bedtime routine. They might cry a little, but having a loving parent there to comfort them is not crying it out. :grouphug:

[jennsmile]

One nursing a week is a general guide for gentle weaning. You can speed it up a little depending on the child, but this prevents engorement/mastitis.

 

Sometimes singing a short song like the ABC's and nursing for the duration to shorten sessions helps. Especially if you want your space. I can sing it pretty fast. ;) Then redirect. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks if you are concerned about weight.

 

Talk about bOOks needing sleep now so when it is dark you don't nurse. But you can cuddle, and here is a sippy/blanket/ect. Maybe rock or sing a song. After I have cut out night nursing we try to limit it to after naps or when they first get up or just before they go to sleep. So depending on which is most loved nursing to sleep or nursing upon waking I try to drop one or the other, keeping the most loved for last.

 

Perhaps he might do well sleeping in older sibling's room, and making the other room a play room. That way he isn't alone at night which can be scary to a child used to sleep sharing.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It is such a bittersweet time.

 

Congrats on the baby on the way.

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: 1ds HIT me for six months after I weaned him. (I could comfort the crying without nursing). he had totally refused binkies and bottles.

 

afterwards . . . . I started giving him a bottle. He finally started accepting that. He was very particular, playtex orthodontic silicon nipple or nothing. (then I couldn't get them any more. grrrr.) I finally had to tell him, "when you're four, you can't take them to __ anymore". "when you're five, you can't have a nighttime bottle anymore". and there was no trouble. fwiw: two of my kids didn't care when I weaned them, one weaned herself, and one . . . . well, he was showing many signs of being much like 1ds, soI nursed him a long time until I said "enough". he wasn't happy, but he was able to be comforted.

 

My suggestion is to start with the night time feedings. (you can try cold turkey, or do every other one.) sleep waxes and wanes through the night - you also need to help him learn how to go to sleep without nursing. He can cuddle, but no nursing. you will probably need help during the day during this time, but do what you can to comfort him, just refuse to nurse.

[AimeeM]

I see you're an army wife.

My husband is not military, but he travels constantly (CONSTANTLY) and is more often traveling than at home. Is there an alternative to having my husband do this? Logically, this would be so much easier if he could do it (and he has no problem doing it), but he's only home for a night or two at a time (like Friday night - Monday morning).

My mom would love for me to send him to her for a week. I just don't know if I can do it. It seems drastic, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own. I need someone else to be with him when I leave the room

 

And you're right - having a loving parent there is NOT the same as CIO. Thanks.

I think one of the things that made things easier for us was that dh took over the whole bedtime routine once my kids started sleeping through the night. He would give them their bath, give them a snack, get them ready for bed, brush teeth, read stories and lie down with them. I would "disappear" for a while to read or relax during the bedtime routine. They might cry a little, but having a loving parent there to comfort them is not crying it out. :grouphug:

[AimeeM]

That's a great idea! While he cannot sleep in Autumn's room (it simply isn't child proof in any way. Art supplies all over, beads, books, breakables, etc), I bet I could get her to camp out in his room with him when we move him to it. She is incredibly attached to her little brother and I imagine she would LOVE to do it.

Another perk of homeschooling :D If he keeps her up late, I can let her sleep in. Lol.

One nursing a week is a general guide for gentle weaning. You can speed it up a little depending on the child, but this prevents engorement/mastitis.

 

Sometimes singing a short song like the ABC's and nursing for the duration to shorten sessions helps. Especially if you want your space. I can sing it pretty fast. ;) Then redirect. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks if you are concerned about weight.

 

Talk about bOOks needing sleep now so when it is dark you don't nurse. But you can cuddle, and here is a sippy/blanket/ect. Maybe rock or sing a song. After I have cut out night nursing we try to limit it to after naps or when they first get up or just before they go to sleep. So depending on which is most loved nursing to sleep or nursing upon waking I try to drop one or the other, keeping the most loved for last.

 

Perhaps he might do well sleeping in older sibling's room, and making the other room a play room. That way he isn't alone at night which can be scary to a child used to sleep sharing.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It is such a bittersweet time.

 

Congrats on the baby on the way.

[Mrs Mungo]

I see you're an army wife.

My husband is not military, but he travels constantly (CONSTANTLY) and is more often traveling than at home. Is there an alternative to having my husband do this? Logically, this would be so much easier if he could do it (and he has no problem doing it), but he's only home for a night or two at a time (like Friday night - Monday morning).

 

My youngest son weaned when my dh was deployed. The major thing I did was do bedtime, but then he would sleep on a pallet in the floor of my room. I would lie in my bed while he went to sleep, hold his hand, sing a song, etc. But, not laying *right next to me* made nursing less available.

 

My mom would love for me to send him to her for a week. I just don't know if I can do it. It seems drastic, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own. I need someone else to be with him when I leave the room

 

Maybe she could come and stay with you for a week? Or you and your son could both go visit her and she could help out with the bedtime issue? The only potential problem I see with the latter is that your son might still want to go back to your routine once you were back home.

[AK_Mom4]

The best method I know of for weaning a toddler (used with my younger DS) was to time the change in routine along with the change in bedrooms/beds/something significant. It seemed easier to set up a change in night time routine with a room change.

 

We moved DS out of our bed into his own bed. Our new routine started that night with a bath, reading a story, and then music playing at night. For a while, when he woke up, DH went in and settled him back down. Some nights, he would just lay down with him until DS went back to sleep. Daytime, my toddler was pretty busy and I would just put him off or distract him. He was willing to drink from a cup, so we went with that.

 

ETA: without DH to help, I would have gone in and sat next to his bed (not lying down) to help him get back to sleep. Oh - and little DS slept with one of my nightgowns wrapped around his teddy bear at first.

Edited December 9, 2011 by AK_Mom4

[jennsmile]

Could you childproof it even just a little? And he isn't playing in there just sleeping with sister. Even on a crib mattress which slides under the bed during the day.

 

I couldn't send my guy away for a week either. It might take a month or two but it will work. All of mine were that age or older when they weaned.

[happypamama]

I enlist DH, whether it's to cuddle a toddler who wants to nurse, or to provide someone else to snuggle with the toddler at night. My DD was over 2 when I got pregnant with DS1, and it was not comfortable to nurse her. I did manage to keep doing so, but I definitely cut it down to short times, and I was no longer able to nurse her to sleep. We cuddled and rocked together instead, and/or DH came and cuddled with her (and during the daytime sometimes offered chocolate milk, which was a huge treat for her). When I was pregnant with both of the little boys, I found it impossible to sleep with a toddler next to me at night, so they started sleeping on the other side of DH, rather than in the middle, and that worked well. It made it a little easier (on me and on them) to couch it in terms of "you've graduated to Daddy snuggles" rather than "you're losing Mommy." :grouphug:

[AK_Mom4]

That's a great idea! While he cannot sleep in Autumn's room (it simply isn't child proof in any way. Art supplies all over, beads, books, breakables, etc), I bet I could get her to camp out in his room with him when we move him to it. She is incredibly attached to her little brother and I imagine she would LOVE to do it.

Another perk of homeschooling :D If he keeps her up late, I can let her sleep in. Lol.

 

This was a great help with little DD. She moved from our bed into a crib in older DD's room (very small). When she would wake at night, older DD (who was 8 at the time) would give her back her stuffed animal and pat her back. Often that was enough to get little DD to go back to sleep without crying at all.

[AimeeM]

My youngest son weaned when my dh was deployed. The major thing I did was do bedtime, but then he would sleep on a pallet in the floor of my room. I would lie in my bed while he went to sleep, hold his hand, sing a song, etc. But, not laying *right next to me* made nursing less available.

 

 

 

Maybe she could come and stay with you for a week? Or you and your son could both go visit her and she could help out with the bedtime issue? The only potential problem I see with the latter is that your son might still want to go back to your routine once you were back home.

 

She works full time (she's still relatively young). My bonus mom would help but, frankly, she's a CIO fan and we have incredibly different ideas of good discipline.

 

I think we'll let Autumn do it, honestly. If she wants to. Nothing extreme - but let Autumn camp out in his room with him. If he gets to be too much, I can calm him and then let him lay back down with her.

[AimeeM]

Tony built Autum's bed. It's built for a mattress on top of a toy box.

 

Really, we can't child proof it, not to the extreme it would need to be. Autum sleeps hard through the night - so much so that she still wets the bed at time because she doesn't wake up.... for ANYTHING. Lol.

It is different, however, when she isn't sleeping in her own bed; which is why I think her camping out in his room would be a good idea. Right now his bed is in our room, but he sleeps in our bed. He does have his own room and that is where we are moving him. I think we'll put Autumn in a sleeping bag next to his floor mattress for a few nights.

Could you childproof it even just a little? And he isn't playing in there just sleeping with sister. Even on a crib mattress which slides under the bed during the day.

 

I couldn't send my guy away for a week either. It might take a month or two but it will work. All of mine were that age or older when they weaned.

[Doran5]

My SIL put bandaids over her nips and told her son that she had boo boos. Eventually he quit asking.

[TexasRachel]

My dh does a lot of shift work, so on one of the weeks he was home and could stay up late he took over the night time routine. DS got a sippie, not a bottle, and would go to bed with DH. I slept in another room. He cried some, but it didn't take long until he would finally go to sleep. A few days of this and I could come back to bed. He would sometimes wake in the middle of the night and I would go fill his sippie with milk. He still demands a sippie before bed, but he doesn't need it to sleep.

[scrappyhappymama]

Maybe she could come and stay with you for a week? Or you and your son could both go visit her and she could help out with the bedtime issue? The only potential problem I see with the latter is that your son might still want to go back to your routine once you were back home.

 

My two year old recently weaned. I wouldn't have minded continuing to nurse him, but I am in your same position and it's just not easy for me at all! So no judgment from me on that point. I have a friend who tandem nurses three little ones! God bless her.

 

Anyway, my two year old was very attached to nursing, but my husband and I had had a certain week away planned for years (he had a conference in SF, a few hours away from my folks and we'd always planned for me to go with him). I didn't expect to have such an attached nurser still at that point. After lots of debate and waffling on my part, I did end up leaving him with my mom for the week. And he was *totally fine*! But, even so, when I returned he was ready to resume nursing like normal. So it didn't work completely, but it was the start we built from and within a month he was completely weaned. Even so, he'd climb in my lap occasionally and sweetly ask for num-num. (tear!) I'd give him lots of cuddles and tickles instead and then redirect him to a sippy cup.

 

On the other hand, my little guy was already night weaned. I doubt I would have left him for a week if he was still nursing at night. In this case, I think I'd work on transitioning him to falling asleep without nursing first. I've always had better luck doing this at naptime first rather than in the night. Once he is used to going down for nap with a sippy, then I try it at bedtime, and then once he's used to that, then offer the sippy instead of nursing during the night.

 

Good luck! Weaning is an emotional time!

[gardenmom5]

I see you're an army wife.

My husband is not military, but he travels constantly (CONSTANTLY) and is more often traveling than at home. Is there an alternative to having my husband do this? Logically, this would be so much easier if he could do it (and he has no problem doing it), but he's only home for a night or two at a time (like Friday night - Monday morning).

My mom would love for me to send him to her for a week. I just don't know if I can do it. It seems drastic, but I'm not sure I can do it on my own. I need someone else to be with him when I leave the room

 

And you're right - having a loving parent there is NOT the same as CIO. Thanks.

 

I went to a B&B with my daughter when 3ds was 2 1/2. He was still nursing. He didn't have a problem with me being gone. (my milk supply was pretty low, lower than I expected, I never even had to express any.)

 

If he is comfortable with gramma, I'd send him and let him have a fun "date". (busy enough he doens't "think about it") just express milk to reduce fullness (not everything, just to reduce), and you shouldn't get mastitis.

 

3ds is an aspie with anxiety disorder, and when he is particularly stressed, will still climb on my lap and "knead" my chest - I had to force him away from actual breast tissue. (I've tried many other things for him to use as lovies. . .)

[AimeeM]

Oh he frequently FALLS asleep without nursing. Actually he likes to lay on the hardwoods with our German Shepherd and fall asleep for the night. He even lets us move him to the bed after. The problem is from about midnight on. From that point, he is up CONSTANTLY wanting to nurse.

My two year old recently weaned. I wouldn't have minded continuing to nurse him, but I am in your same position and it's just not easy for me at all! So no judgment from me on that point. I have a friend who tandem nurses three little ones! God bless her.

 

Anyway, my two year old was very attached to nursing, but my husband and I had had a certain week away planned for years (he had a conference in SF, a few hours away from my folks and we'd always planned for me to go with him). I didn't expect to have such an attached nurser still at that point. After lots of debate and waffling on my part, I did end up leaving him with my mom for the week. And he was *totally fine*! But, even so, when I returned he was ready to resume nursing like normal. So it didn't work completely, but it was the start we built from and within a month he was completely weaned. Even so, he'd climb in my lap occasionally and sweetly ask for num-num. (tear!) I'd give him lots of cuddles and tickles instead and then redirect him to a sippy cup.

 

On the other hand, my little guy was already night weaned. I doubt I would have left him for a week if he was still nursing at night. In this case, I think I'd work on transitioning him to falling asleep without nursing first. I've always had better luck doing this at naptime first rather than in the night. Once he is used to going down for nap with a sippy, then I try it at bedtime, and then once he's used to that, then offer the sippy instead of nursing during the night.

 

Good luck! Weaning is an emotional time!

[Mrs Mungo]

Oh he frequently FALLS asleep without nursing. Actually he likes to lay on the hardwoods with our German Shepherd and fall asleep for the night. He even lets us move him to the bed after. The problem is from about midnight on. From that point, he is up CONSTANTLY wanting to nurse.

 

Hm. I don't know that I would saddle a ten year old with this. I wouldn't want their sleep disturbed like that. Maybe if you camped in his room on the floor or he camped in your room on the floor? But did not get in a bed with him? If you talked to him, sang to him, offered him a drink, but firmly told him that nursies were gone to bed?

[AimeeM]

He won't do it for me. I can say that firmly because we have tried it a million times. He wants one thing from me at night - and that's to nurse.

Everyone in the house loses sleep when I do that. Lol. Frankly, I'm at my wit's end with this. Tony simply isn't home to help and there aren't a lot of options.

Hm. I don't know that I would saddle a ten year old with this. I wouldn't want their sleep disturbed like that. Maybe if you camped in his room on the floor or he camped in your room on the floor? But did not get in a bed with him? If you talked to him, sang to him, offered him a drink, but firmly told him that nursies were gone to bed?

[AimeeM]

I'm sorry, and I should have been more clear - while he is up that frequently, if he sees that I'm not in the bed, he goes back to sleep with a few cries and pats from Dad. Of course it would be ideal if Dad would just continue that into Nico's room - but since he isn't home long enough to make an impact, it's useless.

Hm. I don't know that I would saddle a ten year old with this. I wouldn't want their sleep disturbed like that. Maybe if you camped in his room on the floor or he camped in your room on the floor? But did not get in a bed with him? If you talked to him, sang to him, offered him a drink, but firmly told him that nursies were gone to bed?

[ravinlunachick]

This is the method I used when I had to wean my ds at around 18 months. I was also pg and my milk dried up completely. I felt so guilty, but I just couldn't take any more. My dh worked nights at the time, so it was all up to me. Sometimes, I would go just outside the room for a few minutes, and I built up longer and longer times.

 

That kid now? He's the easiest one of all to get to sleep! I just put him in his bed after a story and say, "Goodnight!". Turn out the light and leave, and he's fine. No whining or complaining. I don't know if it's the method or his personality, but I sure wish my girls were that easy, lol.

 

Good luck, btw, in whatever method you choose, and give yourself a pat on the back for nursing your ds this long! :)

[Meriwether]

He won't do it for me. I can say that firmly because we have tried it a million times. He wants one thing from me at night - and that's to nurse.

Everyone in the house loses sleep when I do that. Lol. Frankly, I'm at my wit's end with this. Tony simply isn't home to help and there aren't a lot of options.

 

I thought it would be like this with Dd1 (22 months and still nursing). She is sleeping better at night now but woke up multiple times each night until I was d.o.n.e. I held and rocked her for a while. She wanted to nurse but I told her I would only rock her. I held her with her head on my shoulder and I had on multiple layers so that I wouldn't give in. She wasn't too happy at first, but she did settle down after a couple of minutes. I rocked her a good long while and laid her down awake. She was fine. And she stopped waking up three times a night to nurse. That was 3 or 4 months ago. I am not really a fan of extended nursing, but I'm okay with the weaning taking awhile now that I can sleep at night. I would really focus first on "nursing doesn't work at night."

 

Dd now nurses most mornings, before nap and before bed. I'm trying, and succeeding many times, to distract her in the morning and get her breakfast right away.

[AimeeM]

Thanks for the advice. It sounded great until "don't pick up or hug". I'm weak :D

This is the method I used when I had to wean my ds at around 18 months. I was also pg and my milk dried up completely. I felt so guilty, but I just couldn't take any more. My dh worked nights at the time, so it was all up to me. Sometimes, I would go just outside the room for a few minutes, and I built up longer and longer times.

 

That kid now? He's the easiest one of all to get to sleep! I just put him in his bed after a story and say, "Goodnight!". Turn out the light and leave, and he's fine. No whining or complaining. I don't know if it's the method or his personality, but I sure wish my girls were that easy, lol.

 

Good luck, btw, in whatever method you choose, and give yourself a pat on the back for nursing your ds this long! :)

[AimeeM]

I told Nico that the "boos are broken".

So he says "oh no", kisses them, and expects they are fixed. After all, it works for his boo-boos.

:001_huh:

I thought it would be like this with Dd1 (22 months and still nursing). She is sleeping better at night now but woke up multiple times each night until I was d.o.n.e. I held and rocked her for a while. She wanted to nurse but I told her I would only rock her. I held her with her head on my shoulder and I had on multiple layers so that I wouldn't give in. She wasn't too happy at first, but she did settle down after a couple of minutes. I rocked her a good long while and laid her down awake. She was fine. And she stopped waking up three times a night to nurse. That was 3 or 4 months ago. I am not really a fan of extended nursing, but I'm okay with the weaning taking awhile now that I can sleep at night. I would really focus first on "nursing doesn't work at night."

 

Dd now nurses most mornings, before nap and before bed. I'm trying, and succeeding many times, to distract her in the morning and get her breakfast right away.

[Meriwether]

I told Nico that the "boos are broken".

So he says "oh no", kisses them, and expects they are fixed. After all, it works for his boo-boos.

:001_huh:

 

 

I took the more direct approach and said we weren't nursing at night. Not that I couldn't, I just wouldn't.:tongue_smilie:

[SKL]

Have you tried telling him what the new rules are in advance? For example, when you begin the evening nursing, you can tell him that this is the last nursing for the night and the next one will be when the sun comes up. When he asks during the night, keep reminding him that he can nurse when the sun comes up (and give him something else to distract him).

 

I did not nurse (adopted kids), but I used the "when the sun comes up" to get them to stop coming to see me in the night. It worked quite well, no tears involved. They were about 2 - 2.5.

[JumpyTheFrog]

When I needed to wean my two year old for medical reasons, I wanted to gradually decrease nursing, but he would just cry and cry. I had tried a few times over a few months with no luck. He insisted on nursing every three hours during the day, although he didn't nurse at night.

 

I finally painted my n*pples with some really, really nasty tasting herbal drops. When he tried to nurse the next time, he hesitated when he tasted the stuff, but tried anyway. Then I dripped some white vinegar down my chest into his mouth. The combination convinced him the milk was yucky. He pulled off, told me it was yucky, and didn't want to try the other side.

 

Over the next few days, he asked a few times, but each time stopped and remembered that the milk was yucky. I had really wanted to wean him gradually, and didn't really expect this method to result in him quitting cold turkey. I was very, very sad for about 4-5 days, but surprisingly, he was much happier. Since he had decided himself he didn't want the milk anymore, he didn't have a demanding attitude about nursing anymore. He was much more pleasant and also much easier to put to bed. He suddenly developed the ability to be put to sleep by me walking around with him for a few minutes, rather than needing to be nursed.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend this for a baby, but since your child is over two, keep it in the back of your mind if the more gradual approach doesn't seem to work. (You could try using that stuff they paint on kids fingers to keep them from sucking their thumb.)

[JumpyTheFrog]

In case anybody thinks my method was cruel, I'd like to add that I had tried a gradual weaning, which just resulted in him crying if I tried to cut even one nursing session. Distraction, cuddling, reading, and snacks didn't work.

 

Also, I didn't want to lie to him and say the milk was all gone or broken. I understand why people do this, but it is not something I felt comfortable with.

[AimeeM]

Perhaps he's more behind than I thought.

He certainly does not understand "last time".

Have you tried telling him what the new rules are in advance? For example, when you begin the evening nursing, you can tell him that this is the last nursing for the night and the next one will be when the sun comes up. When he asks during the night, keep reminding him that he can nurse when the sun comes up (and give him something else to distract him).

 

I did not nurse (adopted kids), but I used the "when the sun comes up" to get them to stop coming to see me in the night. It worked quite well, no tears involved. They were about 2 - 2.5.

[AimeeM]

But your milk isn't really nasty either ;) Just had to point that out.

 

With that said, I would never say your method is cruel (not on my radar of cruel, lol), simply not for me. I do appreciate your heartfelt advice though and it's nice to commiserate with others who have been in the same position :D

In case anybody thinks my method was cruel, I'd like to add that I had tried a gradual weaning, which just resulted in him crying if I tried to cut even one nursing session. Distraction, cuddling, reading, and snacks didn't work.

 

Also, I didn't want to lie to him and say the milk was all gone or broken. I understand why people do this, but it is not something I felt comfortable with.

[PeterPan]

Aimee, when my ds was nursing a lot like that (similar age), it was because he was *hungry*. Since he has had health problems, it might actually be an issue. It didn't register for me till the ped finally pointed out that he *ought* to be able to eat enough by that point to sleep through the night. We started cramming him with food, giving him higher value food, food that was easier to chew, more fat, things he can drink, etc. etc. and he started sleeping through the night. And it didn't take long. He had low oral tone, so he was wearing out from the chewing before he was really full.

 

I think toddler nursing is a marvelous thing, but it does NOT require what you're going through. He should be basically sleeping through the night at this point, without any hassle from you or cry it out or cajoling or anything else. If he's waking, he's hungry, cold, hurting, or some other rectifiable thing. My dd was very clingy from sensory and wanted the touch, so it can be that too. But nope, I'd look for a cause.

[AimeeM]

According to all medical personnel, he's doing beautifully. Well, compared to how he was doing a year ago. We know eating is an issue because his oxygen levels prevented him from beginning to eat regular food when his age peers were doing so. As a result, he is incredibly picky because he knows we are so desperate to get anything down him, we'll give it to him. He's right. We won't make food a battle. He isn't a junkie with his food, but he only eats chicken, peas, and rice. Oh, and he'll eat any bread and cheese product that comes his way. Lol. Thing is... it isn't enough.

What would you (and the rest of the hive) say to giving him a sippy of Pediasure before bed? Would that be high enough in calories to prevent hunger?

And what you said is exactly WHY I can't let him just cry it out. If he's crying, he needs something. I can't ignore that. It just isn't in me. Even if he's only in need of comfort. I can't ignore it. I also, however, can't ignore the reality that I am so incredibly short tempered these days because I'm banking only a few hours of sleep a night.

Aimee, when my ds was nursing a lot like that (similar age), it was because he was *hungry*. Since he has had health problems, it might actually be an issue. It didn't register for me till the ped finally pointed out that he *ought* to be able to eat enough by that point to sleep through the night. We started cramming him with food, giving him higher value food, food that was easier to chew, more fat, things he can drink, etc. etc. and he started sleeping through the night. And it didn't take long. He had low oral tone, so he was wearing out from the chewing before he was really full.

 

I think toddler nursing is a marvelous thing, but it does NOT require what you're going through. He should be basically sleeping through the night at this point, without any hassle from you or cry it out or cajoling or anything else. If he's waking, he's hungry, cold, hurting, or some other rectifiable thing. My dd was very clingy from sensory and wanted the touch, so it can be that too. But nope, I'd look for a cause.

[HS Mom in NC]

Why are you weaning?

 

If you think you have to wean during pregnancy to reduce the chances of miscarriage or pre-term labor, you are being given false information. There was a study done of 1,000 nursing mothers and the miscarriage rate was the same (or less) than the general population of pregnant women not nursing. The known miscarriage rate is either 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 depending on who you talk to. The miscarriage rate among nursing mothers in the actual scientific study was 1 in 5.

 

Oxytocin receptors do not normally mature in women until they are full term anyway, so nursing isn't going to stimulate labor for most people. If it does, you will have regular contractions that are obvious, and then you can decide to wean if you are the small percentage of women that fall into this category. The baby isn't going to pop out because you're nursing.

 

You have every right to wean during pregnancy if you choose to. Most women find nursing while pregnant incredibly irritating. Some of them choose to continue anyway and some choose to wean. It's completely up to you.

 

There are medical benefits to breastmilk that do not change based on a child's age. I had a ped that recommended every child be nursed at least 3 years minimum ( if the mother was willing) because of the medical benefits to both mom and baby.

 

I weaned my oldest when she turned 5 years old. My second child weaned herself overnight at age 4.5 years old. They are 22 months apart, so I tandem nursed.

 

So, there's no judgement about the the length of time. In my social circle, when my kids were little, nursing a toddler was not considered long term nursing-you had to nurse a child over 3 to be considered a long term nurser. It's just a cultural thing. Most of mainstream America considers nursing a child over 1 long term. To each her own.

 

If you're sure you want to wean...

 

If you choose gentle, parent led weaning, remember that it happens in stages. Also, if you don't spend a lot of time with a large group of women nursing toddlers, you may be surprised to learn that children somewhere around their second year (so earlier, some later) return to a newborn nursing pattern all of a sudden.

 

1. Limit the length of nursing sessions.

 

I told mine, when they asked to nurse, that they could for "1 ABC Song" and then they would have to go do something else.

 

2. Cut out a session or two that is most convenient for you.

 

Begin by cutting out middle of the night sessions. You may want to have something close by like a sippy cup of water just in case. Also, make sure you are feeding your child a meal at the end of the day that isn't all carbs and going to be "burned up" quickly making them hungry in the middle of the night.

 

3. Avoid nursing sessions near meal times.

 

This eliminates nursing for food and keeps nursing for comfort.

 

4. Keep your child very physically active during the day-particularly in the late afternoons/evenings. This will also help make the child hungrier at meal times.

 

Most American children get far too little exercise and it affects their sleep patterns. Lots of large motor play and cardiovascular activities are an important factor in a child's sleeping patterns. So is being outdoors.

 

5. Avoid all types of stimulants in the evenings. Screen time (TV or computer) is very stimulating. Loud noises, bright lighting, etc.

[AimeeM]

I'm weaning because I resent nursing. It isn't healthy for either of us emotionally.

I'm weaning because I can't function as the sole caregiver and homeschooling Mom to a dyslexic daughter and medically high needs son, on 3 hours of sleep.

I'm weaning because I have no desire to nurse two children.

I'm weaning because, frankly, I never wanted to nurse in the first place. I did it ONLY because it was medically necessary for my son.

 

With that said, I love the idea of parent led, gentle weaning and I intend to do as much - with my own spin. I need my space. He needs to be in his own room. That means we need to cut out all night time nursing.

Why are you weaning?

 

If you think you have to wean during pregnancy to reduce the chances of miscarriage or pre-term labor, you are being given false information. There was a study done of 1,000 nursing mothers and the miscarriage rate was the same (or less) than the general population of pregnant women not nursing. The known miscarriage rate is either 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 depending on who you talk to. The miscarriage rate among nursing mothers in the actual scientific study was 1 in 5.

 

Oxytocin receptors do not normally mature in women until they are full term anyway, so nursing isn't going to stimulate labor for most people. If it does, you will have regular contractions that are obvious, and then you can decide to wean if you are the small percentage of women that fall into this category. The baby isn't going to pop out because you're nursing.

 

You have every right to wean during pregnancy if you choose to. Most women find nursing while pregnant incredibly irritating. Some of them choose to continue anyway and some choose to wean. It's completely up to you.

 

There are medical benefits to breastmilk that do not change based on a child's age. I had a ped that recommended every child be nursed at least 3 years minimum ( if the mother was willing) because of the medical benefits to both mom and baby.

 

I weaned my oldest when she turned 5 years old. My second child weaned herself overnight at age 4.5 years old. They are 22 months apart, so I tandem nursed.

 

So, there's no judgement about the the length of time. In my social circle, when my kids were little, nursing a toddler was not considered long term nursing-you had to nurse a child over 3 to be considered a long term nurser. It's just a cultural thing. Most of mainstream America considers nursing a child over 1 long term. To each her own.

 

If you're sure you want to wean...

 

If you choose gentle, parent led weaning, remember that it happens in stages. Also, if you don't spend a lot of time with a large group of women nursing toddlers, you may be surprised to learn that children somewhere around their second year (so earlier, some later) return to a newborn nursing pattern all of a sudden.

 

1. Limit the length of nursing sessions.

 

I told mine, when they asked to nurse, that they could for "1 ABC Song" and then they would have to go do something else.

 

2. Cut out a session or two that is most convenient for you.

 

Begin by cutting out middle of the night sessions. You may want to have something close by like a sippy cup of water just in case. Also, make sure you are feeding your child a meal at the end of the day that isn't all carbs and going to be "burned up" quickly making them hungry in the middle of the night.

 

3. Avoid nursing sessions near meal times.

 

This eliminates nursing for food and keeps nursing for comfort.

 

4. Keep your child very physically active during the day-particularly in the late afternoons/evenings. This will also help make the child hungrier at meal times.

 

Most American children get far too little exercise and it affects their sleep patterns. Lots of large motor play and cardiovascular activities are an important factor in a child's sleeping patterns. So is being outdoors.

 

5. Avoid all types of stimulants in the evenings. Screen time (TV or computer) is very stimulating. Loud noises, bright lighting, etc.

[jennsmile]

I'm weaning because I resent nursing. It isn't healthy for either of us emotionally.

I'm weaning because I can't function as the sole caregiver and homeschooling Mom to a dyslexic daughter and medically high needs son, on 3 hours of sleep.

I'm weaning because I have no desire to nurse two children.

I'm weaning because, frankly, I never wanted to nurse in the first place. I did it ONLY because it was medically necessary for my son.

 

With that said, I love the idea of parent led, gentle weaning and I intend to do as much - with my own spin. I need my space. He needs to be in his own room. That means we need to cut out all night time nursing.

 

 

:grouphug: It is awesome that you have nursed your son to this point. Totally awesome. I agree with your spin. Each nursing couple is unique. I know what worked for my boys was all different. I know some people say don't offer and don't refuse. There came a point when I had to refuse for my sanity. You are right if you resent the relationship it needs to end in a gentle manner. :grouphug: You have been given some great ideas. I think because of the medical issues you might find you need to top your little guy off with pediasure or some other high caloric drink. Or perhaps find a smoothie recipe he likes that includes whole fat yogurt and some fruit.

 

Best of luck!

[AimeeM]

You ladies have offered wonderful advice and support.

:grouphug: It is awesome that you have nursed your son to this point. Totally awesome. I agree with your spin. Each nursing couple is unique. I know what worked for my boys was all different. I know some people say don't offer and don't refuse. There came a point when I had to refuse for my sanity. You are right if you resent the relationship it needs to end in a gentle manner. :grouphug: You have been given some great ideas. I think because of the medical issues you might find you need to top your little guy off with pediasure or some other high caloric drink. Or perhaps find a smoothie recipe he likes that includes whole fat yogurt and some fruit.

 

Best of luck!

[sgo95]

I nursed each of my kids until they were around 2 (we've always co-slept with the youngest child ). I've never been able to let my kids CIO but I'm entirely comfortable with them being upset about something and crying while I'm there to talk to and hold them. None of my kids weaned without crying a little.

 

They were all nursing at night like newborns when I weaned them so I had to start with putting them to sleep without nursing by rocking with them in the rocking chair or walking them up and down the room until they fell asleep. Then when they woke up the first night, I would tell them that nursies (or whichever word they used for nursing) was asleep and there would be no more. They cried but I stuck to my word and would rock them or walk them back to sleep again. This might have happened several times that first night. I also offered chocolate milk or a juice box to them each time they woke (it was only for a few nights :)).

 

On subsequent nights, the same process was repeated and usually by night #3, they got the picture and would wake up at night and let me rock/walk them back to sleep without crying at all. Then a week or two later, I could just pat them or hold them in bed when they woke up at night and they would go back to sleep. Eventually, I didn't have to rock/walk them to sleep at all and they would just lay down next to me and fall asleep in ~15-30 minutes.

 

Unless you allow for child-led weaning, I think you have to be able to accept some level of distress in your child. Honestly, I'm all into attachment parenting but at some point if I really feel that I need to wean them, I trust that my kids will not be emotionally scarred by crying while I hold them and talk to them.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes.

[AimeeM]

Oh I'm okay with him crying over it. It is, after all, the only way he has at this age to express his anger or discontent. Lol.

I'm *against* putting him in a bed and letting him cry with no holding or comfort from a devoted parent.

I nursed each of my kids until they were around 2 (we've always co-slept with the youngest child ). I've never been able to let my kids CIO but I'm entirely comfortable with them being upset about something and crying while I'm there to talk to and hold them. None of my kids weaned without crying a little.

 

They were all nursing at night like newborns when I weaned them so I had to start with putting them to sleep without nursing by rocking with them in the rocking chair or walking them up and down the room until they fell asleep. Then when they woke up the first night, I would tell them that nursies (or whichever word they used for nursing) was asleep and there would be no more. They cried but I stuck to my word and would rock them or walk them back to sleep again. This might have happened several times that first night. I also offered chocolate milk or a juice box to them each time they woke (it was only for a few nights :)).

 

On subsequent nights, the same process was repeated and usually by night #3, they got the picture and would wake up at night and let me rock/walk them back to sleep without crying at all. Then a week or two later, I could just pat them or hold them in bed when they woke up at night and they would go back to sleep. Eventually, I didn't have to rock/walk them to sleep at all and they would just lay down next to me and fall asleep in ~15-30 minutes.

 

Unless you allow for child-led weaning, I think you have to be able to accept some level of distress in your child. Honestly, I'm all into attachment parenting but at some point if I really feel that I need to wean them, I trust that my kids will not be emotionally scarred by crying while I hold them and talk to them.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes.

[lewelma]

I stopped the night nursing by moving him into his bed. Here is the plan we used. It was gentle and kind:

 

I held my ds in his own bed until he cried to sleep (we did mourn together the ending of the nursing).

After a few days, I would put a chair right next to his bed and rub his back or hold his hand (I would be reading to myself)

After a few days, I would sit right next to him but not touch him.

After a few days, I would move the chair across the room and stay until he fell asleep.

After a few days, I put the chair outside his door and stayed there reading until he fell asleep.

After a few days, I told him I would come a listen at the door to check on him every 5 minutes (which I honestly did).

After a few days, he could sleep in his bed.

 

Ruth in NZ

[WIS0320]

I have no advice, I'm in the same boat. It is tough going and I feel terrible when she looks so sad when I redirect her.

 

The last two times was easier b/c I was pregnant and my milk just dried up eventually. The other two both nursed until 2.

[PeterPan]

According to all medical personnel, he's doing beautifully. Well, compared to how he was doing a year ago. We know eating is an issue because his oxygen levels prevented him from beginning to eat regular food when his age peers were doing so. As a result, he is incredibly picky because he knows we are so desperate to get anything down him, we'll give it to him. He's right. We won't make food a battle. He isn't a junkie with his food, but he only eats chicken, peas, and rice. Oh, and he'll eat any bread and cheese product that comes his way. Lol. Thing is... it isn't enough.

What would you (and the rest of the hive) say to giving him a sippy of Pediasure before bed? Would that be high enough in calories to prevent hunger?

And what you said is exactly WHY I can't let him just cry it out. If he's crying, he needs something. I can't ignore that. It just isn't in me. Even if he's only in need of comfort. I can't ignore it. I also, however, can't ignore the reality that I am so incredibly short tempered these days because I'm banking only a few hours of sleep a night.

 

Well I didn't do Pediasure, but pretty close. I got this coconut milk by So Delicious (comes in an aseptic container like soy milk) and a make a mix of vanilla and a dash of the chocolate to make it extra tasty. I'll give him BIG glasses of that. Like every day. I give him 3 tsp. of flax oil a day. He doesn't like that, but again it's calories, good for brain and neural development, etc. I'll feed him an avocado crushed into guacamole and low sodium tortilla chips. I'll feed him 2 eggs scrambled or fried. Tofu cut in strips, sautéed, and eaten with ketchup. (Natural source of choline, very good for the brain and nerves!) But if Pediasure floats your boat, sure. It's the right idea, that it's something soft, tasty, and desirable that fills them up. That's the kind of stuff we usually do at night to fill him up. Now he's old enough he tells us he's hungry. When he was younger, he just didn't sleep, ugh.

 

I didn't realize you're pregnant. That adds a whole new dimension. I think there's such a naturalness to this, to the way weaning can happen when he understands how you feel and your milk supply drops and... It might be that *this*, this sort of unhappy frustration, is not the way you're wanting it to end. But try stuffing him tonight. Eggs are always on-hand and really filling. Rice is horrible for his innards btw, unless it's brown rice or wild rice. Have you ever tried wild rice on him? My ds enjoys it, and it's very filling. You can put spaghetti sauce on it.

 

Don't know if this will make any connectors for you, but I've been told that dc crave whatever we ate when we were pregnant with them. I have to say I have a strangely salad-loving, raisin-bran eating toddler, not the norm. :lol: Small sample, but there you go.

 

Well try stuffing him and see where he gets. With my ds, it used to mean we'd feed him and feed him again an hour later. And then before bed I'd stay up and feed him something equally heavy AGAIN. No joke. But that's what it has taken. And he knows the drill now and will tell us what he wants. Bummer is, it means he can dawdle and get distracted and not TRY to eat earlier in the day. But really, they can tank up if you pump food into him all day long. Try it. Every hour, foods high in calories and fat. Definitely some good oils straight (fish, flax, whatever). Avocado, coconut or soy milk (we do both, no cow/goat).

 

BTW, my ds doesn't chew peas well enough to digest them. (They pass through whole.) Maybe switch him to split pea soup. Same flavor, more digestible. Chicken is pretty much a waste for him too. The only way that might work is ground or in a chicken brat. But just to eat plain chicken cut in chunks, no he won't chew it well enough and will be hungry later.

Edited December 10, 2011 by OhElizabeth

[AimeeM]

I'll have to look into that So Delicious. I'm not a fan of Pediasure because Autumn ended up with a dependency issue with it :glare:

He loves chips and he LOVES eggs. Did I mention he LOVES eggs? The only problem is that I have to frequently dose him with Miralax because all dairy causes him extreme constipation. We cleared the Miralax with his ped and all seems well.

I think tonight I'll go with your advice. Bedtime is between now and 9 for him (usually). I'll give him a scrambled egg and some milk (which he also loves) to fill him up. Tony's home tonight too, so that'll help :D

 

 

Well I didn't do Pediasure, but pretty close. I got this coconut milk by So Delicious (comes in an aseptic container like soy milk) and a make a mix of vanilla and a dash of the chocolate to make it extra tasty. I'll give him BIG glasses of that. Like every day. I give him 3 tsp. of flax oil a day. He doesn't like that, but again it's calories, good for brain and neural development, etc. I'll feed him an avocado crushed into guacamole and low sodium tortilla chips. I'll feed him 2 eggs scrambled or fried. Tofu cut in strips, sautéed, and eaten with ketchup. (Natural source of choline, very good for the brain and nerves!) But if Pediasure floats your boat, sure. It's the right idea, that it's something soft, tasty, and desirable that fills them up. That's the kind of stuff we usually do at night if he's not acting tired. Now he's old enough he tells us he's hungry. When he was younger, he just didn't sleep, ugh.

 

I didn't realize you're pregnant. That adds a whole new dimension. I think there's such a naturalness to this, to the way weaning can happen when he understands how you feel and your milk supply drops and... It might be that *this*, this sort of unhappy frustration, is not the way you're wanting it to end. But try it tonight. Eggs are always on-hand and really filling. Rice is horrible for his innards btw, unless it's brown rice or wild rice. Have you ever tried wild rice on him? My ds enjoys it, and it's very filling. You can put spaghetti sauce on it.

 

Don't know if this will make any connectors for you, but I've been told that dc crave whatever we ate when we were pregnant with them. I have to say I have a strangely salad-loving, raisin-bran eating toddler, not the norm. :lol: Small sample, but there you go.

 

Well try stuffing him and see where he gets. With my ds, it used to mean we'd feed him and feed him again an hour later. And then before bed I'd stay up and feed him something equally heavy AGAIN. No joke. But that's what it has taken. And he knows the drill now and will tell us what he wants. Bummer is, it means he can dawdle and get distracted and not TRY to eat earlier in the day. But really, they can tank up if you pump food into him all day long. Try it. Every hour, foods high in calories and fat. Definitely some good oils straight (fish, flax, whatever). Avocado, coconut or soy milk (we do both, no cow/goat).

 

BTW, my ds doesn't chew peas well enough to digest them. (They pass through whole.) Maybe switch him to split pea soup. Same flavor, more digestible.

[PeterPan]

If dairy is constipating him, don't give him dairy. I don't give my ds any milk, and when he gets into dairy via other stuff, I give him enzymes from Houston. You realize he could be hungry because he's not *digesting*? The enzymes help the body break down what it wasn't digesting, softening the stools. Houston's website has lots of good info.

 

Have you tried peanut butter or almond butter on celery? My ds is nutso for it. I used to slather the nut butter on and then slice the celery in 1" segments. Also you can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a rice cake. Sounds weird, but really tasty. Or homemade granola with lots of nuts.

 

In addition to the enzymes, you can also massage his abdomen and open his ileocecal valve (ICV). You can google it to learn how. It's not hard, and you can sometimes get things going.

[mommymilkies]

Nursing is not necessarily the cause of him not eating other solid foods. It is nutritionally more dense than other replacement foods. And 2.5 is perfectly normal to still be nursing.

 

That being said, I totally understand. I weaned my last two kids at that age. Expecting, tired, touched out, in pain, just done. I wanted to do CLW, but I just couldn't. I found that replacing it with a lovey and a good sippy cup and giving the choice really helped. If they signed for milk, I would say "oh, here's your sippy and baby, we'll get milk in a little bit." Then we would cuddle. Before long, they were done nursing. I'm sad looking back on it, but I just couldn't take more at the time. My kids actually dropped majorly from the growth scales after weaning, so keep that in mind. It might even help to get some Ensure or keep pumping milk to give if he does drop off and need more nourishment. Good luck!

[AimeeM]

He won't eat peanut butter... but loves Nutella.

Will that work :D

If dairy is constipating him, don't give him dairy. I don't give my ds any milk, and when he gets into dairy via other stuff, I give him enzymes from Houston. You realize he could be hungry because he's not *digesting*? The enzymes help the body break down what it wasn't digesting, softening the stools. Houston's website has lots of good info.

 

Have you tried peanut butter or almond butter on celery? My ds is nutso for it. I used to slather the nut butter on and then slice the celery in 1" segments. Also you can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a rice cake. Sounds weird, but really tasty. Or homemade granola with lots of nuts.

 

In addition to the enzymes, you can also massage his abdomen and open his ileocecal valve (ICV). You can google it to learn how. It's not hard, and you can sometimes get things going.