Do your younger kids get a lot of hand-me-downs?

[lailasmum]

My two don't seem to be too bothered. My ds is about 80% dressed in hand me downs about 10% home made and about 10% bought, most of his hand me downs come from a friend who has triplet boys so we often get 3 of everything and I really dont need to buy more.

 

My dd has more new. She does get quite a few hand me downs too though, some from her friend (the big sister of the triplets) and from another friend but a smaller proportion of her clothes are hand me downs because she is a different shape from them so fit is a problem, she is quite lanky. I buy a lot of her stuff second hand though. Her favourite accessory is mud so don't think she would care too much about pink sparkly things.

[Cera]

Ah, well, Sparkly Shoe Envy, totally understandable! :D

 

This is the type of thing where I would either indulge both children, or neither of them (at their ages). When your sister's shoes are sparkling and glittery and wonderful, and yours are, shudder, plain, it's hard to be a happy six-year-old. Expecting a young child to cheerfully wait a year or longer when their sibling sparkles with every step is asking too much, imo.

I'd say, bring her to Payless and let her pick out some glittery, sparkly shoes.

 

Sisters two years apart don't need new shirts or blue jeans at the exact same time. But, in the interests of sisterly love, if one gets sparkly shoes or a super-fancy dress or a shirt with bunnies at Easter time, then the other should get similar. These things are indulgences, not necessities, and I would indulge both or neither.

 

:iagree:

 

When it comes to things like fancy shoes I either indulge both or neither. If I find one pair deeply discounted I will buy them and keep them until I get a chance to look online for a pair for the other child and then surprise them both at the same time.

[littlebug42]

I hand down some things but not all. Oldest dd has always loved pink. She also hates dresses and now wants nothing but jeans and t-shirts. Boo-Boo loves dresses and would wear them all the time. They are very different children so I do not force anyone to wear hand me downs that they don't like. Some things are fine. However, we do get most of their clothes at thrift stores so I have a little more leeway letting them each pick "new" things.

 

One caveat is no used/hand me down shoes ever. Everyone always gets brand new shoes and I pay the price for good ones. The one exception to this is snow boots which only get worn when they go out to play in the snow.

[2squared]

Ah, well, Sparkly Shoe Envy, totally understandable! :D

 

This is the type of thing where I would either indulge both children, or neither of them (at their ages). When your sister's shoes are sparkling and glittery and wonderful, and yours are, shudder, plain, it's hard to be a happy six-year-old. Expecting a young child to cheerfully wait a year or longer when their sibling sparkles with every step is asking too much, imo.

I'd say, bring her to Payless and let her pick out some glittery, sparkly shoes.

 

Sisters two years apart don't need new shirts or blue jeans at the exact same time. But, in the interests of sisterly love, if one gets sparkly shoes or a super-fancy dress or a shirt with bunnies at Easter time, then the other should get similar. These things are indulgences, not necessities, and I would indulge both or neither.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

My girls are 6 years apart, and I know neither would be happy with plain shoes while the other had sparkly, fun shoes. Same goes for sparkly dresses, sparkly hair bows.......

 

Either they both get indulged or no one gets indulged.

[Starr]

The way this is written it seems one child is getting all the clothing focused on her. With two girls close in age it really seems unfair. My sister was a couple of years younger but she always had some new clothes of her own, as well as the hand me downs, and never had to wait for special and sparklies. I would spend less on the new clothes for dd 1 and buy some things that dd 2 loves.

[Crimson Wife]

I think hand-me-downs are fine but it isn't fair for the oldest to get all new and the younger all used.

 

Life isn't fair. It isn't fair for the oldest to have a lot more added responsibility in helping out around the house, but he/she is the one best able to do it. With added responsibility comes some perks, like getting new clothes rather than hand-me-downs.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Yes, my younger kids do get hand-me-downs. My older kids mostly get used clothes, too. They all get a few new things for Christmas and birthdays. No one cares.

[Meriwether]

Life isn't fair. It isn't fair for the oldest to have a lot more added responsibility in helping out around the house, but he/she is the one best able to do it. With added responsibility comes some perks, like getting new clothes rather than hand-me-downs.

 

I'm not sure how to take this.:001_smile: I never said life was fair. There are times when finances make it necessary to only use hand-me-downs. That is life. That doesn't make it fair. All of my kids, including the oldest, wear hand-me-downs. That is a life-style choice, not a necessity. They also, all of them, occasionally get new things.

 

Not all older siblings are more helpful or more responsible than younger siblings. As a second daughter (just 12 months younger) who did things and got things at the same time as the older sister, I find this assumption interesting. We got bikes at the same time. We started doing dishes at the same time. We had the same bedtime. We had to help in the field at the same time. I had to wear hand-me-downs. It was absolutely necessary. I didn't resent it, because I knew what our finances were. I did wish I could have new clothes. To say I didn't deserve new clothes because my sister was older is bizarre.

[katilac]

Life isn't fair. It isn't fair for the oldest to have a lot more added responsibility in helping out around the house, but he/she is the one best able to do it. With added responsibility comes some perks, like getting new clothes rather than hand-me-downs.

 

But it IS fair to have more responsibilities when you are older, because EVERYONE will be 12 at some point, 15 at some point, and so on. It's like an older child having more schoolwork: it's fair, b/c the younger child will have more schoolwork when they reach that grade.

 

The clothes situation is different b/c the youngest will *always* be the youngest. We definitely do hand me down clothes, but I would always buy *some* used things for the oldest (if they didn't get any hand-me-downs) and *some* new things for the youngest (if we weren't flat broke). Fun, not-needed type purchases are for both or neither (not necessarily at the exact same time, but also not "you'll get your sister's old fun in a year," lol).

[sewingmama]

This is the type of thing where I would either indulge both children, or neither of them (at their ages). When your sister's shoes are sparkling and glittery and wonderful, and yours are, shudder, plain, it's hard to be a happy six-year-old. Expecting a young child to cheerfully wait a year or longer when their sibling sparkles with every step is asking too much, imo.

I'd say, bring her to Payless and let her pick out some glittery, sparkly shoes.

 

:iagree:

 

If I had two girls they would both be getting a new pair of sparkly shoes - in my experience the sparkles don't last long anyway so by the time your DD2 got them they will be all worn off.

 

I guess my kids are super entitled spoilt brats :rolleyes: because they all get new clothes every season. I have never once in their lives ever been given hand me downs from anyone so I don't really have a choice (if I did my kids would wear them).

 

My DS would probably grow up with issues if I made him wear DD's hand me downs so I generally buy him new :D

 

The only hand me downs the 2yo gets are the 4yo's Sunday clothes -everything else is ruined beyond repair to be of any use. So I always have to buy him new play clothes and new shoes. Right now my boys are sharing PJ's - the 2yo is big and the 4yo is small.

 

Thrift stores are useless in Australia - if clothes have any use in them at all people sell them on ebay - not donate them to thrift stores. The thrift store clothing is usually stained or 10 years out of date. We don't have consignment stores here either.

 

So for me it's buy new for each child or be naked.

 

To the OP - Really - go and buy a second pair of sparkly shoes for your DD :001_smile:

[Murphy101]

All of mine get used clothes most of the time.

No complaints.

Mostly excited.

 

They all get one pair of brand new sneakers every fall.

 

Sometimes younger ones get more because the hand me downs just won't go down another kid.

 

Sometimes a kid gets new because they need a special size. (The only place we have found jeans for my tall and skinny teens is drsydales!)

[cloversandlions]

I don't think its about entitlement at all. My dds rarely ask for anything and are appreciative of anything they receive (which is usually just at birthdays and Christmas).

 

I don't like the idea that older dd gets to pick out and try on the clothes she wears for a season but younger dd must just suck it up. Older (and myself) will try several jeans/shirts on and decide they're not comfortable or don't fit right before we find the things we do like/want. I don't know why I would just expect younger dd to take what's given regardless of how it fits/feels. She wears a lot of big sis's things but she also gets to say that some things she doesn't like/want and purchase something else. Obviously if we couldn't afford it she would have to make do but I don't feel like I should force it just out of principle.

 

:iagree: My younger dd is really tiny; by the time she inherits hand-me-downs from older dd, they're usually close to 4 or more years old, even though they're only 3 years apart. I've discovered that over time, stains seem to set in and what seemed like an item in good condition when originally stored, now has stains that are more obvious.

 

So, younger dd inherits some things from her older sister or other girls we know who've outgrown their clothes, but she gets some new things, too. I don't think she really cares either way, though I know that might change, and to the extent that my budget would tolerate it, I'd respect that she deserves some of her own special things, too.

 

I buy a little of everything - thrift store clothing (my 12yo ds prefers these...they're already washed enough that they're very soft), sales rack & full price clothing at lower-cost stores like Target and Old Navy, and occasionally/rarely, full-price items at nicer stores.

 

I rarely keep shoes unless they were in good, unused or nearly unused, condition.

 

ETA: Ah, sparkly shoes... I hadn't noticed that post, but they're special, right? If I couldn't buy a pair for both (assuming both were interested), I wouldn't buy for just one unless there was an equally appealing option for the other one. The one exception is if a size isn't available for one; before I'd order for the other, I'd try to find a comparable, equally appealing option for the other one, but if that were not an option, I might still buy the pair that were available and then endeavor to find some other special item at a later time for the other child. IMO, this isn't age-dependent.

Edited November 7, 2011 by WorkInProgress

[YourFidgetyFriend]

 

If I had two girls they would both be getting a new pair of sparkly shoes - in my experience the sparkles don't last long anyway so by the time your DD2 got them they will be all worn off.

 

 

My daughter has a pair of those crappy, overpriced Twinkle Toes. I have my doubts that they will even last until dd1 grows out of them :glare:

 

Don't mind me. It's just that I friggin hate those shoes, but they seem to be all the rage for the elementary set. After a dozen wears, they look like they've been rubbed with a cheese grater.

[Murphy101]

Oh my. Hand me downs have to be in good condition.

 

I don't allow any of my children to wear stained, holey, frayed, ill-fitting, or way out of date/fashion clothing.

 

Tho to be honest, we are never exactly fashionistas.:tongue_smilie:

 

I go through their clothes for condition and they try on the hand me downs to check for comfort and fit.

 

Even if it was new, they know if they come downstairs in some thing illfitting, holey, or stained - I will send them back to change clothes.

 

Good grief, I don't let my teens wear tshirts or sweats out of the house. No way they are going out looking like the last ragged Weasley.:tongue_smilie:

[mommaduck]

Shoes are never handed down here; they are bad for growing feet.

[Murphy101]

My daughter has a pair of those crappy, overpriced Twinkle Toes. I have my doubts that they will even last until dd1 grows out of them :glare:

 

Don't mind me. It's just that I friggin hate those shoes, but they seem to be all the rage for the elementary set. After a dozen wears, they look like they've been rubbed with a cheese grater.

 

:001_huh:

What you doin to them shoes?

 

Both my younger girls have them and they are holding up better than I thought.

 

I hate them bc I am picky about sneakers being well fitting and supporting.

 

And that bright strob lighting flashing from them gives me a headache.

[Murphy101]

Shoes are never handed down here; they are bad for growing feet.

 

Pure myth.

 

As long as the shoe being worn daily is well made, fits properly, and is still in good condition - it isn't going to hurt their feet.

 

Dress shoes and such worn a couple hours a week - they aren't worn enough to cause a problem or be worth debuting unless they are worn out.

 

IMO.:)

[YourFidgetyFriend]

:001_huh:

What you doin to them shoes?

 

Both my younger girls have them and they are holding up better than I thought.

 

I hate them bc I am picky about sneakers being well fitting and supporting.

 

And that bright strob lighting flashing from them gives me a headache.

 

Just regular walking, I promise :lol: Maybe it's the particular style?

 

I hate the lights, too. I feel like I've time traveled to the 1990s and I'm drowning in a sea of LA Lights.

[Murphy101]

Just regular walking, I promise :lol: Maybe it's the particular style?

 

I hate the lights, too. I feel like I've time traveled to the 1990s and I'm drowning in a sea of LA Lights.

 

About a month ago I was driving at night and the girls were kicking their feet together in the backseats. Took me a few seconds to realize I didn't have a cop car somewhere behind me making blue and white lights flash in the review mirror!

[Mommy22alyns]

 

To the OP - Really - go and buy a second pair of sparkly shoes for your DD :001_smile:

 

 

I did. Boy, I adore both of my girls, but Sylvia... we almost lost her and she has me wrapped tight around her little finger. I found a good deal on Twinkle Toes at another store, so she's got some on the way. I talked to her and explained that most of what she gets is going to be hand-me-downs and she can't complain about that. I pointed out that Rebecca has more chores than she does, so it's not all bad being the youngest.

[Mommy22alyns]

Is this an issue with other things as well with the younger one? My second girl is extremely jealous of EVERYTHING having to do with her older sister. Friends, clothes, when the older girl gets to do age appropriate things (makeup, bras, etc). The clothes can become her's and she no longer wants them. If she gets new clothes, she still wants her sister's (until they become hers). It's a no win situation, takes time to outgrow, and many talks.

 

 

I wouldn't say Sylvia is jealous of everything having to do with Becca. She did insist on wearing deodorant when Becca started needing it, which we let her do. I have a feeling that once Becca starts needing a bra, Sylvia will insist on that too. :svengo:

[Plucky]

This may change as they get older. 11dd tries to wear 14dds cool clothes right now, so she loves the hand-me-downs. I didn't have any hand-me-down jeans for 13ds, so we ran to Goodwill & got 4 pairs for $20. We do buy new, but it just depends on the scenario. I don't think hand-me-downs make a kid a second class citizen though.

[Crimson Wife]

to the extent that my budget would tolerate it, I'd respect that she deserves some of her own special things, too.

 

The only thing a child deserves IMHO is clean, neat, age- and climate-appropriate clothing. Any child who starts acting like a little diva because she doesn't like hand-me-downs either needs to get over herself or figure out a way to earn her own spending money. That's what my parents made me do when I decided in jr. high that I wanted clothes from Esprit and Benetton (ah, the '80's :lol:) instead of from discount stores.

 

The sooner a child realizes that she is not, in fact, the center of the universe, the better IMHO.

[UnsinkableKristen]

. Any child who starts acting like a little diva because she doesn't like hand-me-downs either needs to get over herself or figure out a way to earn her own spending money. That's what my parents made me do when I decided in jr. high that I wanted clothes from Esprit and Benetton (ah, the '80's :lol:) instead of from discount stores.

 

 

But that is kind of hard to do when you are 6. And anyway, shouldn't there be some sort of compassion here? Every single thing does not have to be a life-lesson, suck-it-up situation.

[twoforjoy]

Sort of. My kids have a lot of used clothes, but not much from each other. I got a lot of stuff from friends with older kids when my first was born, and a lot of that stuff I passed on to friends when I was done with it. When DD was born, a couple of friends of mine with girls gave me a lot of clothes, and I've been passing them on to a friend with a daughter a year younger than DD when she's finished with them.

 

With little DS, I've actually gotten back from friends some of the stuff that DS1 had worn. What's funny is that I got some of it back from different friends than the ones I lent it out to. Apparently the clothes made the neighborhood rounds for 6 years or so, before making their way back to me.

 

I don't generally hold on to much baby stuff, though, just bigger, more expensive things like cribs, high chairs, and strollers. Clothes and toys I give away to friends when we're done with them. I figure if I need more clothes/toys for future kids, we'll borrow from people we know, get gifts from family, or just buy stuff either used or new. I don't really see much need, for us, to hang on to stuff that other people could be using for years and years just in case we have another baby.

 

My kids are too little for it to be an issue. I think that, if it was, if I could afford it, I'd let the younger one pick out a few new things she really wanted during shopping trips--not an entire wardrobe, but a couple of things that she really liked. Buying used clothing for the older one is also a possibility--that way they're both wearing hand-me-downs.

 

ETA: I have a sister two years younger than me. We both had some hand-me-downs from cousins, so it wasn't like I had all new stuff and she had all used stuff. In general, she just took hand-me-downs that she liked.

 

It was less of an issue as we got older. By the time we were in our teens, she would NOT have liked wearing my hand-me-downs because we didn't have anything close to the same taste--but by that time, neither one of us was growing at such a rate that we needed new clothes each year. I think we both stopped growing around 8th grade, so by high school we could both keep wearing the same thing for years. (I had shoes I got in eighth grade that I wore all through college, and some clothes I wore that long, too.) At that point I was 5'8" and about a size 12 and my sister was 5'3" and a size 6, so there wasn't going to be any passing down of clothing anyway. So, if it's any consolation, they probably won't have this problem the entire time they are growing up, because at some point they'll stop growing and hand-me-downs won't be an issue.

Edited November 7, 2011 by twoforjoy

[eternalknot]

Our kids wear hand-me-downs, but not exclusively. I have a generous extended family that makes sure each kid gets some new stuff in the mix. We hand-me-down lots of stuff, including toys and sports equipment.

 

The one thing I don't insist on handing down: shoes. We do keep all size shoes in bins by the door, and the kids will naturally grab whichever size fits in any given year ... but I make a point to buy each kid new tennis shoes every fall, new sandals every spring, and new cleats as-needed. They can share, but they don't have to. These count as holiday and birthday gifts, and the kids have to make 'em last else they're replacing the shoes themselves. This, despite being able to afford to replace them myself - it's just a thing (or baggage, if you want to call it that!) I brought over from my own childhood. People wear shoes differently, so I make sure each kid gets a new pair every year - for health reasons (alignment, posture).

 

We had four boys followed by a girl. She wears their hand-me-down socks, undies, pajamas and many of their play and sports clothes. She not only doesn't mind, she has always loved it. My MIL was horrified to see her wearing dino and train undies, so she bought her some "pretty" girlie ones; my daughter only chose them when her "boy" undies were all dirty. None of the boys care -or cared- much, then or now, about hand-me-downs. They've always been very close in size, though, and share similar tastes.

 

We have diapers and pajamas that have been in circulation for over 20 years, from my younger siblings down through my youngest nephews (today). We definitely do hand-me-downs! I'm in the middle of a large sibling set, so I try to be practical whilst also reasonable :) BTDT as a kid, which helps me as a parent.

[Murphy101]

Well it's like the sparkly shoe example. Maybe that is the problem right there. Why sparkly shoes? They probably do look pretty crappy after being worn for awhile. I tend to buy stuff that I know will last (or at least hope will last).

 

In this case I think the parent is setting up for issues if their plan is to hand down those shoes. If that isn't their plan then ok.

 

KWIM?

 

Yes, I do. Unless it was a birthday present or some similiar individual event, if I bought a luxury for one girl, I would buy a luxury for both. Now, if one girl had her grandmother give twinkle toes shoes for her birthday - I would not be running out to buy a pair for the other girl. She could either wait until her own birthday or Christmas to get a pair or just do without.

 

But that is kind of hard to do when you are 6. And anyway, shouldn't there be some sort of compassion here? Every single thing does not have to be a life-lesson, suck-it-up situation.

 

No, it's not that hard for a 6 year old to comprehend that some times she gets something, sometimes her sister does, sometimes mom does. As long as it isn't always instead of sometimes, then it's not worth making a big deal out of it.

 

The bigger fit my kid threw and the more they whined, the LESS likely I would be to ever buy them what they asked. I don't have much compassion for that behavior.

 

If it were unusual for them to want what their sister had, then I would probably note to make an effort to get it next chance I had to splurge on them.

[kewb]

My kids don't get hand me downs anymore. They are taller then all of my friends kids and my nieces and nephews. When they could get hand me downs there were no issue.

 

That said, growing up I got a lot of hand me downs from my older sister. I resented it big time. It was not about being the center of the universe, or thinking I was entitled to new clothes, too. It was the perception that my older sister got everything new and I got nothing. She always had the joy of crisp new clothes and I had the joy of patches on the knees. It didn't matter that my parents explained that it was due to finances, they were good clothes, or any of the other reasons. It still stung that she got pretty new clothes and I got her used clothes. Did I need to suck it up and deal with it? Yes, I did. However, when I was finally able to articulate my feelings on the matter my parents made sure to also buy me a share of the new clothes.

 

At least I had the benefit of an older sister. One of my friends had to wear her brother's hand me downs and then her little sister would get all new clothes. That totally sucked.

[2squared]

That said, growing up I got a lot of hand me downs from my older sister. I resented it big time. It was not about being the center of the universe, or thinking I was entitled to new clothes, too. It was the perception that my older sister got everything new and I got nothing. She always had the joy of crisp new clothes and I had the joy of patches on the knees. It didn't matter that my parents explained that it was due to finances, they were good clothes, or any of the other reasons. It still stung that she got pretty new clothes and I got her used clothes. Did I need to suck it up and deal with it? Yes, I did. However, when I was finally able to articulate my feelings on the matter my parents made sure to also buy me a share of the new clothes.

 

I had a younger brother, so I did not wear hand-me-downs. My dh, #4 of 9, only wore hand-me-downs. He was teased a lot in school, and he is very passionate about what our children wear. He is willing to sacrifice in almost every other area for our clothing budget. My dad, #2 of 7, and from a very poor family, also has painful memories of hand-me-downs. Both would agree completely with you.

[UnsinkableKristen]

 

No, it's not that hard for a 6 year old to comprehend that some times she gets something, sometimes her sister does, sometimes mom does.

 

 

I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I meant that it was hard for a 6 year old to earn her own money to buy nicer clothing than she is receiving. I agree that a six year old is able to realize that she doesn't get everything she wants, and that pitching fits isn't the way to get it. I was just pointing out that her power to physically change her situation is somewhat limited.

[Crimson Wife]

But that is kind of hard to do when you are 6. And anyway, shouldn't there be some sort of compassion here? Every single thing does not have to be a life-lesson, suck-it-up situation.

 

If my 6 y.o. started acting all entitled, I'd have to do some real soul-searching as to what kind of example I was setting for her. Little kids don't just develop an entitlement attitude out-of-the-blue. 9 times out of 10, they've picked it up from their parents. If the parent goes around talking about "deserving" things that are actually luxuries in order to feel "special", is it any wonder that their 6 y.o. turns into a little diva too?

 

As for the sparkly shoes, I probably wouldn't buy them at all because they are not practical. That would be a "use birthday or Christmas gift money if you want them" thing at our house.

[zaichiki]

I wanted to add that my oldest kids often get "new" clothes from a local consignment shop. The clothes are in great condition: some even have tags still on them. Many of the clothes are from Talbots Kids, Aeropostale, Abercrombie & Fitch, etc. My kids don't mind hand-me-downs ONE BIT. Oh, dd still drools over the Hannah Andersson catalog, but she's happy to pick out 6 whole outfits at the consignment shop for the price of one shirt at Hannah's.

 

I think it's all about how you handle it and the condition of the clothes.

 

The younger kids are still young enough to think it's totally cool to inherit things their older sibs wore when they were younger: "this was SISSY'S pink skirt?! or This was brother's dino shirt?!" They love it. We also like to take pictures of the kids wearing the same clothes and then put them up, side-by-side. This gets lots of giggles and proud comments. Plus, you get to play the "can you tell who it is" game.

 

They all get *some* new clothing: mittens, coats, boots, underwear, PJs...

 

We hand toys down, too... but the kids also get new ones.

 

I have to say that my younger ones are the lucky ones here: they have MORE clothes and MORE toys, all in pretty good condition, than their older siblings ever had. (This comes from getting all the hand-me-downs plus birthday/Christmas presents.)