When everyone around you is stopping...

[PrincessBride]

I'm wondering how you respond to these types of comments, or maybe no response is wiser? ;)

 

Things I've been told lately by hsing friends:

 

"I would never limit my kids by hsing high school."

 

"It wouldn't be fair to my younger kids, it's their turn now."

 

"College is too important, I can't mess that up for them."

 

And other similarly themed remarks. We plan to homeschool through high school. I feel like there is no good response. I'm either implying, "Yes, you're right, I'm Superwoman, that's why I'm doing this" or "You're right, but I don't care about my kid's future or my younger kids, so we're going for it!"

 

Do you respond? Or do you just keep your head down and keep going and pray you're making the right decision?

[Susan C.]

Each family does what is best for them (in other words you do your thing, I'll do mine). :)

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Once someone remarked how my daughter was so intelligent, smart and bright and then made the comment "But I worry about her getting a long with teens her age." I bluntly said, "It is better than the alternative!."

 

In my mind, caught off guard, I wish I would have said something really candid!

 

I just always keep real optimistic instead of defensive like I used to be!

 

Actually social networking has helped my cause tremendously, because now people can see us out and about doing things and studying on location and not a an unsocial hermit. When they see the opportunities are endless, the criticism has diminished.

[mamato4]

As one who just sent my oldest into ps (for reasons too complicated to get into,) I get the opposite comments:

 

"Your life is not going to get less busy." (This comment still gets me riled up whenever I think about it. As if my main reason for sending ds to school is so I can have more free time!)

 

"Don't you know that homeschooling through high school has more benefits than sending them into the education mill?"

 

 

I've learned to say, "Well, that is what God has led my husband and I to do. And I know that though I may not see the outcome now, and I have days of doubt, I am also confident that whatever God has planned for my family will be better than what we can plan ourselves."

 

I think that response can work for you also. It focuses on God and your obedience to what He wants you to do. It doesn't put the other person down nor does it portray you as Supermom. Then after you say it, bite down on your tongue and walk away...fast!

 

:001_smile:Anna

[PrincessBride]

Good responses! :)

 

Anna, I'm sorry you're getting that response. I guess it goes to show, no matter what path your family chooses, someone is going to feel the need to criticize!

[regentrude]

"I would never limit my kids by hsing high school."

 

 

I would not want to limit them by sending them to public school. I want them to learn all they are capable of - not just what the ps deems grade appropriate.

 

"College is too important, I can't mess that up for them."

 

 

Oh, I agree very much. I don't want to mess it up. I worry and have sleepless nights - but if I homeschool, at least I have control over things -what if the school screws up?

 

And other similarly themed remarks. We plan to homeschool through high school. I feel like there is no good response. I'm either implying, "Yes, you're right, I'm Superwoman, that's why I'm doing this" or "You're right, but I don't care about my kid's future or my younger kids, so we're going for it!"

 

 

No, neither. You can acknowledge that they have valid concerns: that it is hard, that you have wrestled with the decision, that you care about your children's future, that you care about your younger kids - and that, after careful deliberation, you have come to the conclusion that homeschooling high school is the best solution for your family.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I would just smile and shrug and say, "I guess I don't see it that way for my family. We're probably going to continue through high school."

[GinaPagnato]

You know, it's hard when so many homeschooling families send their kids to ps for high school. No matter what their reasons are, it always makes me heave a sigh, just because I feel like there's one less comrade in arms down in the trenches with me, kwim?

 

But in the end, I say things like, "Yes, we're definitely going all the way through high school. It's been a real blessing for our family." And then, the proof is in the pudding. If my dc are happy, kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and successful at the things they're working at, there's not too much that a naysayer can comment about. At least this has been my experience, ymmv.

[Mommyfaithe]

I have written a bit on this topic on my blog.

Link in siggy.

 

Faithe

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I'll let you know in a few days when I announce it to all that none of my kids will be attending high school..

 

:grouphug:

[freerange]

Once someone remarked how my daughter was so intelligent, smart and bright and then made the comment "But I worry about her getting a long with teens her age." .

I'm aiming to raise happy, well adjusted, skilled, educated adults, not popular teens.

 

Whether we do that by sending them to school or keeping them home is an individual decision for each family to decide.

[Brigid in NC]

I'm wondering how you respond to these types of comments, or maybe no response is wiser? ;)

 

Things I've been told lately by hsing friends:

"I would never limit my kids by hsing high school."

"It wouldn't be fair to my younger kids, it's their turn now."

"College is too important, I can't mess that up for them."

My stock remark through the years: (with a smile) "Yep, homeschooling isn't for everyone." And then I move on. :) [Edit: But I guess this is a response I give to the never-homeschooled. Probably doesn't fit for former/partial homeschoolers.]

Edited November 4, 2011 by Brigid in NC

[cbollin]

If they are just talking about themselves and their decision, I try to say supportive things to let them talk.

 

"sounds like you've thought about it a lot and doing the best for your family."

or "so, will it be public or private? What does your child think about it? excited/nervous?"

 

something like that, while just listening to them talk.

 

If they are trying to tell me that I'm not making best decision for me, well, I tend to shut down and say "well. got to do what I think God is saying."

 

and then pass the bean dip :)

 

-crystal

[In The Great White North]

Definitely pass the bean dip.

 

Then come here :001_smile:

 

Some of us didn't start homeschooling til high school.

[PrincessBride]

Thank you for the input and encouragement, ladies! :) It is encouraging to come here and get ideas from those who are sticking with it.

[mjbucks1]

I've learned to say, "Well, that is what God has led my husband and I to do. And I know that though I may not see the outcome now, and I have days of doubt, I am also confident that whatever God has planned for my family will be better than what we can plan ourselves."

 

 

 

 

I love this!!

[Julie in MN]

Definitely pass the bean dip.

 

Then come here :001_smile:

 

Some of us didn't start homeschooling til high school.

 

:iagree:

 

I started with a 10th grader, so even non-homeschoolers pretty much know I'm gonna do high school :)

 

I wanted to say that I *don't* refer to God when I talk about homeschooling. Too many news reports about mothers who claimed to be homeschooling and getting signals from "God" to murder their children or whatever -- whether the homeschooling part was true or not. I just think it doesn't help, at least with the types of folks who are here in Minnesota.

 

So, I just refer to my own responsibility to do the very best thing for my children, as I am sure they try to do, as well. Maybe a vague remark about it not being any harder than it was having my children in the public high schools, or how it's going well in our family. But I try to look very lucid :tongue_smilie: :lol:

 

Julie

[silliness7]

I'm wondering how you respond to these types of comments, or maybe no response is wiser? ;)

 

Things I've been told lately by hsing friends:

 

"I would never limit my kids by hsing high school."

 

"It wouldn't be fair to my younger kids, it's their turn now."

 

"College is too important, I can't mess that up for them."

 

And other similarly themed remarks. We plan to homeschool through high school. I feel like there is no good response. I'm either implying, "Yes, you're right, I'm Superwoman, that's why I'm doing this" or "You're right, but I don't care about my kid's future or my younger kids, so we're going for it!"

 

Do you respond? Or do you just keep your head down and keep going and pray you're making the right decision?

 

Absolutely this. This is our first year of highschool. It's immensely harder than I thought it would be probably because I was a bit too disorganized and scattered in the younger years. I don't feel like I'm in any position to be dogmatic on the benefits of homeschooling highschool. I know there are negatives. I do my best to minimize those and I hope the benefits outweigh them in the end. Time will tell. Smile and nod and pass the bean dip.

[G5052]

I have several friends who are doing it thoughtfully, and not necessarily for all of their kids. So I respect that and let it be.

 

The uninformed have always been around. "I can't believe you're still doing that." "Just make sure they know how to interact with other teeagers." "What about college?"

 

We have it covered, End of story.

[Ellie]

You keep your head down and keep on going.

 

People who say stuff like that really don't understand homeschooling. And that's ok. They're allowed not to get it. But I do.

 

It isn't that people who put their dc in school are doing anything bad; it's only that people who make those kinds of comments don't get it, KWIM?

[cbollin]

 

I wanted to say that I *don't* refer to God when I talk about homeschooling. Too many news reports about mothers who claimed to be homeschooling and getting signals from "God" to murder their children or whatever -- whether the homeschooling part was true or not. I just think it doesn't help, at least with the types of folks who are here in Minnesota.

 

Julie

 

good point, Julie. I'm in Bible belt. The so called Buckle of it. ;)

 

Mentioning God's nudging on us to keep on keeping on, sounded culturally normal in context when I said it in church to church person (wife of a deacon) who was not continuing to home school past 8th grade for some of the reasons listed by OP. Plus, now that I think about it, I also pulled the card out of "my daughter really wanted to continue to homeschool". and then I said supportive things to the other family that I am thankful for all they do as a military family.

 

But now that's those daughters (mine and other family) in 10th, no one really cares. It was just small talk and people talking about their plans at end of 8th grade. Once 9th grade started and then after that, the former home schooling moms didn't bring it back up and we all still enjoy bar b que at church together and all of that.

 

But when I'm at places other than church, and someone just casually asks why we kept on with homeschool in high school, I usually just say "I can't afford the private schools at $20,000 a year. and I live in such and such district. I don't think we'd live in that school for long. " Usually they just look at me and say "oh.. yeah, I'd try to keep homeschooling too then. You'd be eaten alive at that school." :lol: actually nothing to laugh about really.. hmmm.... where's the ghetto thread again?

 

People avoid the city public schools around here if they can. Usually that's enough to change the conversation for them to talk about how much debt they are in sending child to cha ching school. Or to change the topic to the city and county school merger or all about the teachers who are being charged with having inappropriate physical relationships with students in the city and county schools now.

 

I reckon (good southern word, ain't it?) I reckon I'm just comfortable enough in my decision to home school during these years that what others are doing doesn't influence me that much, and I figure they have a right to do what they need to do with their kids for their reasons.

 

ah ha. coffee is ready now. I really need to clean the den before my MIL gets here. and deal with some leaves by front door. wow... who knew that elm tree has so many leaves?

 

-crystal

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think all you can say is something like your last line.

I'm on the fence now that we're approaching high school. I don't want to keep on just because I decided when they were 5 to homeschool, but I don't want to put them into a situation that will emphasize traits I'm trying to get them over just because most other people's kids are there.

 

I am trying to spend a lot of time looking at college requirements and how we'll meet them in a way that best honors my kids' talents and passions. And in the end attending high school is no more a silver bullet for future success than being home.

[creekland]

Definitely pass the bean dip.

 

Then come here :001_smile:

 

Some of us didn't start homeschooling til high school.

 

This was me with oldest! Working at our high school opened my eyes to the possibility of homeschooling - and it worked well for my older two.

 

Since youngest wants to be at the high school (and is there), I'm working to keep gaps filled in for him so he can try to be somewhat as educated as his brothers.

 

I think it's working. It wouldn't if I trusted our high school alone, but that's because we're in a below average district and I'm not happy with below average.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

[Jenny in Florida]

We're the last ones standing, too. Of my son's group of close friends, all of whom homeschooled at one point, he is the last of the four still not in school.

 

I have to say that I haven't heard any of the kinds of comments you're getting. We have been hearing, though, how great school is and what wonderful experiences the other kids are having.

 

My approach has been to nod and smile and say how happy I am that school is working out for those kids. (I am, too. I've known some of these kids since they were preschool age.) In my case, I don't need to defend our choices, because I can just be supportive of theirs.

 

I think what I would do, though, if I had to respond to comments like the ones you're getting, is to stick with something polite and positive. I might say, "It's working for us so far. I'm pretty confident we'll find our way." Or maybe, "There are certainly challenges, but we're making it work for us so far."

 

And then I'd ask how school is going for their children, and nod and smile and say how glad I am that it's working out for them.

 

And then I'd change the subject.

 

At least I hope that's what I'd do.

[Brenda in MA]

I'm wondering how you respond to these types of comments, or maybe no response is wiser? ;)

 

Things I've been told lately by hsing friends:

 

"I would never limit my kids by hsing high school."

 

"College is too important, I can't mess that up for them."

 

Do you respond? Or do you just keep your head down and keep going and pray you're making the right decision?

 

I would start by saying that I don't necessarily think that hsing in high school is the best path for every teen. However, I do know personally of two families who put their hs'ed teens into high school only to pull them back out after 1 or 2 years at the teen's request. One was at a pricey private school where there was so much homework that the teen couldn't focus on his interests. The other was at a public school and was terribly bored by the low quality of the academics and mad about the waste of his time.

 

For some kids, a "building" high school would be a great fit for their goals and abilities. For others, like the two I mentioned, keeping them in school would more "limit their choices" than letting them learn at home.

 

As to the "college is too important" theme, I personally know several hs'ed teens who were not only admitted to competitive colleges, but also received scholarships. You can also read the College Board on this site. I would think that someone asserting the "college is too important" argument as to why not to homeschool is just ignorant of the process of getting a hs'ed teen into college.

 

That said -- homeschooling a teen requires tremendous effort and oversight on a parent's part. Whether you outsource a lot of courses or not, you still have to be there in the trenches with your teen helping him/her to choose courses and figure out the best path for him/her. I do think that the knowledge one gets of one's children through hsing is very valuable and also a huge help in gently directing the teen into a path that is a good fit for his/her interests/abilities.

 

I've also seen cases of both hs'ed and ps'ed children who graduate having no idea of the direction they want to go. So I think that if these parents think that putting their dc into high school will magically give them direction and an assured future, then they will be in for a big surprise. Engaged parenting of teens, regardless of where they go to school, is a tough, but necessary job.

 

I wish you well in making the best schooling decisions for your own children. You might just have to develop a thick skin. Anyone that looks down on you or decides not to be your friend as a result of schooling decisions wasn't worth it as a friend anyway.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

Edited November 7, 2011 by Brenda in MA

[memphispeg]

Homeschooling for the last 2 years of high school has been super tough. If I had it to do all over again, I would have started in 8th grade to get our bearings. I am doing all Mommy courses, had to re-learn and newly learn so much. I have wound up schooling myself more than my kid!!!

People looked at us oddly when we made our annoncement...like ..... "what is wrong with you? Is your kid sick? Are you joining a cult?" We just said, "No there's things we want to do that aren't possible at the ps." We ARE happy doing things this way. Now the question is will colleges feel the same way? Too scary really.

[PrincessBride]

Wow, you ladies have given me some GREAT responses. I wish I could figure out how to multi quote on the iPad but I haven't yet. I'll just say every response on this thread has been valuable to me. Both to know how to respond, and clarifying in my mind WHY we're keeping on.

 

Thank you so much!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think all you can say is something like your last line.

I'm on the fence now that we're approaching high school. I don't want to keep on just because I decided when they were 5 to homeschool, but I don't want to put them into a situation that will emphasize traits I'm trying to get them over just because most other people's kids are there.

 

I am trying to spend a lot of time looking at college requirements and how we'll meet them in a way that best honors my kids' talents and passions. And in the end attending high school is no more a silver bullet for future success than being home.

I was a little short in my reply since I was on my iPod.

 

I wanted to come back and just say that the comments in the OP are the concerns that keep me awake at night. It was far easier when we lived in places where the schools were either not standouts or were actually bad (DoD schools and Hawaii).

 

Now we're living in a high income, highly educated (highest concentration of graduate degrees in any county in the country), highly competitive area. I know that the college bound kids at the schools in either direction have a buffet of AP courses, extra curriculars, lab courses, sports teams, etc to choose from.

 

I know for example that in order for my son to swim in high school, we will have to pay a couple thousand dollars per year for him to stay on a swim club. Choosing to just swim for the high school won't be an option. I know that my next son, who ran a 5K in September will have to totally self motivate or find local running groups rather than being able to join a high school cross country team.

 

It's been difficult for me to find activities like FLL in the local area for homeschoolers. I've come to the realization that if I want my kids to do an activity, it will require my being the leader or at least taking a major role. There is no pawning this off onto the school staff.

 

I think that I had a pretty good high school and college education. I took science, math, engineering, and English in college. But I've also seen that I will have to do self study to recall some of the subjects that I haven't been using in years. And I will never have the depth and fluency in the sciences that someone with a science degree would have. And I've seen in practice that the time I spend as an at the arm parent with my kids in algebra is time not spent at the arm with my youngest, who is the weakest reader of the three (at the same grade) and who does deserve time poured into him too.

 

I'm not trying to say that homeschooling high school is a poor choice. Obviously folks here have done well, as have a couple friends of mine. And I honestly don't know what we will be doing in a year when freshman year rolls around for the oldest. Private schools here of the quality I'd want are so out of reach. The public schools do have some great offerings. But homeschooling using my teaching, self study by the kids, online and dual enrollment has great possibility too.

 

And I'm very much aware of the fact that if senior year rolls around and my kid isn't accepted at places where he wanted to attend, I will feel responsible for that failure. And it won't matter how many times I tell myself that the competition was fierce and not everyone can be accepted.

 

So I guess my answer to the comments in the OP would be something to the effect that sending our kids off into the world equipped for adult challenges is a tough road to walk. We really can't know if we were successful for decades after the fact, long after there is a chance for input or change. That we all have to make the best choices for the moment and for the future that we forsee and trust that the adults we've had a hand in shaping will make wise choices with what they have in available. (And for us, prayer and trusting in the idea that God does love our children as much as he loves us also factors in. Since many of the homeschoolers we are around have similar faith backgrounds, this is a part of the discussions we'd have with them.)

[Lizzie in Ma]

Isn't it nice I don't have to consult you for the decisions I make for my children?

Isn't is nice I'm too old for peer pressure to influence me?

Isn't it nice you're not the boss of me?

or the classic, I don't give a sh*t what you think?

 

I can't help it, the snarky response always come to mind first.

 

If I'm feeling not attacked, a simple, "works for us" will do.

[iona]

I'm thinking that those comments have more to do with their decisions not to hs thru hs than your decision to do it. It sounds like a tough place to be though:grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

Isn't it nice I don't have to consult you for the decisions I make for my children?

Isn't is nice I'm too old for peer pressure to influence me?

Isn't it nice you're not the boss of me?

or the classic, I don't give a sh*t what you think?

 

I can't help it, the snarky response always come to mind first.

 

If I'm feeling not attacked, a simple, "works for us" will do.

 

:lol:

 

"Works for us" (said with a smile) is a great response. Short and sweet and doesn't beg for more lengthy conversation on a topic on which you don't agree. :001_smile:

[elegantlion]

We've homeschooled since first grade and plan to continue through high school.

 

Send him away to school now? Just when he's really starting to get interesting? I don't think so.

 

There are so many more reasons, but if I don't wan to engage someone on the topic, I say something like the above.