Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 My DD1 is 7 and is taking a swim class at the community college. The locker rooms have open communal showers, the toilets are in the same room but have doors. There's a sign on the door that children over 5 need to go to the gender appropriate locker room. Two of the moms brought their 7 year old boys into that locker room to shower. My DD was really embarrassed, so I had her change in a bathroom stall and shower at home. The other little girl in her class did likewise. Would you say anything about these boys being in the locker rooms? There is no other women's locker room available, FWIW. :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Is there no family change room for the mothers and sons to use? Sorry, but I wouldn't allow a 7 yo to change by themselves. Just not safe, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Is there no family change room for the mothers and sons to use? Sorry, but I wouldn't allow a 7 yo to change by themselves. Just not safe, imo. There is no family room. This is why I posted- I'd be nervous sending my 7 year old in alone, but I also didn't like my daughter not being comfortable showering and having to walk past them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacie Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I would say something. As a mom of little boys, I know it would be hard to send them into a bathroom with men I didn't know. But they don't need to be in the women's room with all the ladies. I believe I would be taking my boys home and we could all shower there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 I would say something. As a mom of little boys, I know it would be hard to send them into a bathroom with men I didn't know. But they don't need to be in the women's room with all the ladies.I believe I would be taking my boys home and we could all shower there. The only men I saw there were parents- the swim classes at the class times are all for kids. So no grown ups swimming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Eek. There is no way I'd allow a child of mine who is only 6 or 7 in a locker room by themselves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Yes. As a mom of boys, I would speak up to the teacher. Ask if she could stagger the release of the class so the girls can change, then the mom with a boy can have the space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 They should follow the sign, and the pool people should enforce their rules. The little girls shouldn't have to be embarrassed by finding little boys in their showers. On the flip side, I don't know when pool managers are going to realize that good mommies often don't send little boys into the mens showers alone because it isn't safe to do so. I don't take my little boys swimming without DH for this reason. Family showers would be a better solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Yes. As a mom of boys, I would speak up to the teacher. Ask if she could stagger the release of the class so the girls can change, then the mom with a boy can have the space. That's a good idea. If this happens again I think that's a sensitive way to handle this.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 The facility needs to provide an area for these mothers and sons to use. I'd comment on *that*. The need for a family changing area. To expect kids that age to be alone in a change room just isn't ok w/me. I mean seriously, 5+? Nope, nope, nope. Not to mention, what happens with kids who are special needs? Just b/c they're 7 yrs old doesn't mean they're able to change without assistance, or don't need an adult present to guide them and ensure their safety at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Eek. There is no way I'd allow a child of mine who is only 6 or 7 in a locker room by themselves! I get that- but what should the girls do? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Yes. As a mom of boys, I would speak up to the teacher. Ask if she could stagger the release of the class so the girls can change, then the mom with a boy can have the space. I was thinking along those lines, too. I would want to get everybody organized and send the boy-mommies through first and then the girl-mommies. (I'd say 'girls first' but boys are quicker.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 It's not just about little girls' being embarrassed. I had this happen to me. A mom had her son and daughter with her. I would guess the son to have been around 7 or 8. Where was *I* supposed to change? I don't really need to have a kid staring at me when I'm trying to get dressed. I agree that there really need to be more family locker rooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Yes, I would likely complain about it. Seven year olds are too old to be in the opposite-gender locker rooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 I was thinking along those lines, too. I would want to get everybody organized and send the boy-mommies through first and then the girl-mommies. (I'd say 'girls first' but boys are quicker.) I wonder if those moms would be willing to leave class a few mins early to do this- there's another class right after so the kids can't stay in the pool and my DD got cold, quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Yes, I would likely complain about it. Seven year olds are too old to be in the opposite-gender locker rooms. Would you complain to the moms, or to the staff at the facility? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 It's not just about little girls' being embarrassed. I had this happen to me. A mom had her son and daughter with her. I would guess the son to have been around 7 or 8. Where was *I* supposed to change? I don't really need to have a kid staring at me when I'm trying to get dressed. I agree that there really need to be more family locker rooms. I've had that happen before, too, and I just waited. My DD, however, was cold and didn't want to stay wet. She needed to go to the bathroom, too, and this was the only women's restroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Would you complain to the moms, or to the staff at the facility? Honestly, I am upfront enough to complain directly to the moms, but if I were not or if there were problems with it, then to the stuff too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 For reference--our pool has a five and over rule. At that age you need to use the locker room appropriate to your gender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Since they have a stated policy that boys aren't allowed in there past a certain age, they need to enforce it. Parents who are there with boys and aren't comfortable having them in the men's locker room alone should take them home to shower and change. A family locker room would be better but not something I'd expect to see at a community college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 For reference--our pool has a five and over rule. At that age you need to use the locker room appropriate to your gender. Does anyone break the policy? Good to see that ours isn't the only one who draws the line at 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I get that- but what should the girls do? :bigear: I have no idea. It seems like a huge opening for abuse. The only adult men there being parents doesn't change a thing. Many, many sickos become parents. Sick people actually go out and look for situations like that to be in. Yuck. I'd just have my son shower at home. Anywho, I've never understood changing out in the open in locker rooms. Even in the high school locker room, we all changed in private. I've never seen a reason to be naked around anyone I wasn't very, very close to. Yes, I realize I'm more modest than most! :tongue_smilie: My naked body is my private thing. And since there are people attracted to the opposite sex and people attracted to the same sex, it's not like I feel more comfortable being naked in a girls locker room than I would be in a men's locker room. Yeah, I know. I'm probably weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Honestly, I'd rather blindfold my kid than send them into a change room alone. To me, its just too dangerous at the tender age of 5 or 7. Thankfully, there are family change rooms here. Heck, there are even play pens to pop little ones into while parents change beside them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I have no idea. It seems like a huge opening for abuse. The only adult men there being parents doesn't change a thing. Many, many sickos become parents. Sick people actually go out and look for situations like that to be in. Yuck. I'd just have my son shower at home. Anywho, I've never understood changing out in the open in locker rooms. Even in the high school locker room, we all changed in private. I've never seen a reason to be naked around anyone I wasn't very, very close to. Yes, I realize I'm more modest than most! :tongue_smilie: My naked body is my private thing. And since there are people attracted to the opposite sex and people attracted to the same sex, it's not like I feel more comfortable being naked in a girls locker room than I would be in a men's locker room. Yeah, I know. I'm probably weird. Nope, I'm the same way. We have curtained areas in the change rooms so you're not standing around with other ppl changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Nope, I'm the same way. We have curtained areas in the change rooms so you're not standing around with other ppl changing. Thanks. I'm glad I'm not alone. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Thanks. I'm glad I'm not alone. :001_smile: Dang. That's the first time someone found comfort in my being on their side of things rather than it confirming that they were totally in the wrong. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sputterduck - I never understood that either. When I go to the pool, I choose to shower in my suit (there are private stalls, but I just don't feel comfortable naked in that setting!). Then, I go to another private dressing room to change. I was shocked when I found out that the men's room is completely open. My boys opted to change in the bathroom stalls. To the OP - I'd have my dd shower in her suit and change in the bathroom stall. But, I'd also mention something to the powers that be - the need for a family changing time or room. No WAY would I have sent my 5 yo into a mens bathroom to change alone!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I would say something to the staff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I'm surprised how many people would object. To me, 6 or 7 is still a very small child. While I've sent my son to the mens' locker rooms since he was about that age, I can understand why other mothers would be leery. *shrug*. 8 or 9? I might object. 6 or 7? Meh. Maybe this comes of having children of both sexes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 When my son was that age and we were still taking swimming lessons, we made an agreement with the other moms. We would enter the room first and go all the way to the last shower. He would immediately enter the shower and stay behind the curtains until everyone else was either gone or all dressed. There were actually 2 boys who did this with us. The boys were not yet responsible enough to go to the men's room and shower, change, dress, and come back out with everything they went in with or be in there without having some kid of ruckus party or be safe. More than one some pbrave mom would have to enter the men's room for some reason - and the men were just as upset about that believe me. The pool was kind enough to reconize what and why we were in the women's bathroom. They wanted the boys to be well supervised at all times and for them to be safe. They then added another curtain by the last 2 stalls we the boys could have a little more space outside of the shower stall in a dry area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Our local YMCA/YWCA has a locker room for women, one for men ages 18 and up, and another one for boys up to age 18.......a nicer way to handle that. In your situation I would not expect the seven year old boys to go into a locker room for adult men. I would just plan on having my daughter change in the restroom stall and shower at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sputterduck - I never understood that either. When I go to the pool, I choose to shower in my suit (there are private stalls, but I just don't feel comfortable naked in that setting!). Then, I go to another private dressing room to change. I was shocked when I found out that the men's room is completely open. My boys opted to change in the bathroom stalls. To the OP - I'd have my dd shower in her suit and change in the bathroom stall. But, I'd also mention something to the powers that be - the need for a family changing time or room. No WAY would I have sent my 5 yo into a mens bathroom to change alone!!! She was embarrassed enough having to talk past the showering boys- I can't imagine asking her to stop and shower with them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classics4us Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Since you asked for opinions I will give you mine. I was/am one of those moms that brought their 5 and 7 year old boys into the ladies showers. There was no way I was going to send them in to fend for themselves. No way. I was taken advantage of when I was young by a man near the pool. Those memories are still fresh in my mind. I will not let that happen to my kids if I can help it. You never know the same thing may have happened to this mom or her kids or someone she knew. If it matters, I did have my boys shower with their shorts on and they changed in the toilet stalls. If your daughter is embarrassed maybe she could do the same thing, shower with her suit on and change in the bathroom stalls. Or ask the "offending" mom to do the same. Or maybe you can wait until they leave I also agree with several pp that a family shower should be made available. If they are going to have those types of rules they should also provide an alternate for folks who cannot abide by those rules. Also the comment that the family should go home and change is ridiculous. You cannot assume that every family goes directly home after swim lessons or piano lessons or karate etc... you get my point. When we took our lessons last year it was a an hour away. I would plan to get all of my errands ran after the lessons. It may not be possible for some parents to go home, shower and go back out on the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Why can't all the kids just rinse off with suits on, go to different corners and get dressed? I would talk to the other mom and make a plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Since they have a stated policy that boys aren't allowed in there past a certain age, they need to enforce it. Parents who are there with boys and aren't comfortable having them in the men's locker room alone should take them home to shower and change. A family locker room would be better but not something I'd expect to see at a community college. I agree - a Y or community center, sure, but community colleges are generally meant for adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Since you asked for opinions I will give you mine. I was/am one of those moms that brought their 5 and 7 year old boys into the ladies showers. There was no way I was going to send them in to fend for themselves. No way. I was taken advantage of when I was young by a man near the pool. Those memories are still fresh in my mind. I will not let that happen to my kids if I can help it. You never know the same thing may have happened to this mom or her kids or someone she knew. If it matters, I did have my boys shower with their shorts on and they changed in the toilet stalls. If your daughter is embarrassed maybe she could do the same thing, shower with her suit on and change in the bathroom stalls. Or ask the "offending" mom to do the same. Or maybe you can wait until they leave I also agree with several pp that a family shower should be made available. If they are going to have those types of rules they should also provide an alternate for folks who cannot abide by those rules. Also the comment that the family should go home and change is ridiculous. You cannot assume that every family goes directly home after swim lessons or piano lessons or karate etc... you get my point. When we took our lessons last year it was a an hour away. I would plan to get all of my errands ran after the lessons. It may not be possible for some parents to go home, shower and go back out on the road. These boys did not have their shorts on. They were standing in the middle of the shower area, naked, showering. In order to go to the bathroom and change, my DD had to walk past them. I don't know the solution, but I don't think my DD should have to be embarrassed in the women's locker room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Why can't all the kids just rinse off with suits on, go to different corners and get dressed? I would talk to the other mom and make a plan. For some parents, boys that age in the proximity of their daughters in such a situation is already breaking some modestly principles. I generally have no problem with mixed-gender activities, before teenage years, such as swimming lessons, but there is still a difference between an activity itself and a place like a locker room and everything that goes on there. I do not think girls and women should feel uncomfortable. It is boys who are inappropriate in this situation, and they should adapt to the maximum comfort of those for whom the locker room is designed, if it is possible at all (wait for all to finish and then go, use the locker room contrary to the rules exclusively in explicit agreement with other parents and children, etc.), or choose to shower at home, rather than put all girls and women into this situation. People are different, you never know who might have an issue with it, so if there is a clear rule (if there were not, I would likely agree that it is not as problematic as the line between a little and a big boy is somewhat subjective), it is better respected or, if you plan not to respect it, the situation should be handled in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 These boys did not have their shorts on. They were standing in the middle of the shower area, naked, showering. In order to go to the bathroom and change, my DD had to walk past them. I don't know the solution, but I don't think my DD should have to be embarrassed in the women's locker room. I agree with you, but I don't think that children should have to risk their safety either. And expecting 5-7 yos to change unattended in a mens room is asking that, imo. And as another pp said, I still consider 5-7 yos young kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 These boys did not have their shorts on. They were standing in the middle of the shower area, naked, showering. In order to go to the bathroom and change, my DD had to walk past them. Call me a prude, but this is entirely inacceptable in my view at that age, in a situation where there is a clear, requested, non-mixing of sexes in the locker rooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 For some parents, boys that age in the proximity of their daughters in such a situation is already breaking some modestly principles. I generally have no problem with mixed-gender activities, before teenage years, such as swimming lessons, but there is still a difference between an activity itself and a place like a locker room and everything that goes on there. I do not think girls and women should feel uncomfortable. It is boys who are inappropriate in this situation, and they should adapt to the maximum comfort of those for whom the locker room is designed, if it is possible at all (wait for all to finish and then go, use the locker room contrary to the rules exclusively in explicit agreement with other parents and children, etc.), or choose to shower at home, rather than put all girls and women into this situation. People are different, you never know who might have an issue with it, so if there is a clear rule (if there were not, I would likely agree that it is not as problematic as the line between a little and a big boy is somewhat subjective), it is better respected or, if you plan not to respect it, the situation should be handled in advance. :iagree: I am a little surprised at the people suggesting that we should leave or avoid the situation when we are the ones following the rules and facility standards. I'm confused, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I agree with you, but I don't think that children should have to risk their safety either. And expecting 5-7 yos to change unattended in a mens room is asking that, imo. And as another pp said, I still consider 5-7 yos young kids. Yeah. I think it's worse to have small naked unsupervised boys around naked strange unsupervised men than for someone to be embarrassed. The whole idea of that makes me shiver. I don't think your daughter should have to be embarrassed, either, but it doesn't scare the heck out of me like the other choice does. Small curtained areas seem like the way to go to me. I would mention that to whoever is in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 OP, you have a son. What will you do with him when he's over 5? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Our local YMCA/YWCA has a locker room for women, one for men ages 18 and up, and another one for boys up to age 18.......a nicer way to handle that. In your situation I would not expect the seven year old boys to go into a locker room for adult men. I would just plan on having my daughter change in the restroom stall and shower at home. I wish there were more "family areas" in the US. All of the swimming pools in Europe that we have visited had family friendly changing areas. I don't see how having two areas for males--below 18 and above 18--and one for females really addresses the issues involved. If I am a mother with a six year old son who needs some assistance, having only other youth with him doesn't solve the problem; safety issues are not only an issue with males over 18 in a dressing room. This also doesn't address the flip side of the issue--what about when a father takes his daughter to the pool? These issues are just as real in those situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 OP, you have a son. What will you do with him when he's over 5? I plan to keep him a sweet, cuddly toddler. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 For some parents, boys that age in the proximity of their daughters in such a situation is already breaking some modestly principles. I generally have no problem with mixed-gender activities, before teenage years, such as swimming lessons, but there is still a difference between an activity itself and a place like a locker room and everything that goes on there. I do not think girls and women should feel uncomfortable. It is boys who are inappropriate in this situation, and they should adapt to the maximum comfort of those for whom the locker room is designed, if it is possible at all (wait for all to finish and then go, use the locker room contrary to the rules exclusively in explicit agreement with other parents and children, etc.), or choose to shower at home, rather than put all girls and women into this situation. People are different, you never know who might have an issue with it, so if there is a clear rule (if there were not, I would likely agree that it is not as problematic as the line between a little and a big boy is somewhat subjective), it is better respected or, if you plan not to respect it, the situation should be handled in advance. This, exactly. The boys should have kept their suits on and changed in a stall. Your DD should not have been made uncomfortable. I'd be pretty unhappy - say something to the staff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 7 is too young to send alone into a locker room. No, I wouldn't say anything. I also don't find showering in a locker room to be all that necessary, I'd probably just have my kid change and shower at home anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firestar Academy Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 :iagree: I am a little surprised at the people suggesting that we should leave or avoid the situation when we are the ones following the rules and facility standards. I'm confused, I guess. :iagree: yup. robin in nj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classics4us Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) These boys did not have their shorts on. They were standing in the middle of the shower area, naked, showering. In order to go to the bathroom and change, my DD had to walk past them. I don't know the solution, but I don't think my DD should have to be embarrassed in the women's locker room. Sorry but being embarrassed ranks very low on my radar. I guess because I have a daughter and she has seen everything God gave my boys that it's not a big deal to me. You can of course complain to the swim teachers and make them enforce their rule. In doing so you may also put another child in danger. More than likely the boys will be okay but I personally would not take that chance. My advice would be to either wait until the boys came out or talk with the offending mom and explain your position, ask them not to come in until you dd has showered and left. Most people do not like offending others and she will more than likely agree to wait while your dd is showering. I am editing to add that I think my post may come across as harsh. I am not trying to be, I do agree that the boys should have shorts on and I do not think your dd should be embarassed in women's locker room. Now if it were a 13 year old boy in there I would have a totally different view. But really they are just 7, they hardly know what their "parts" or for. ;) Edited June 19, 2011 by classics4us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I do not think girls and women should feel uncomfortable. It is boys who are inappropriate in this situation, and they should adapt :iagree: I don't understand why someone who knows very well they are unwilling or unable to follow the rules should expect everyone else to deal with it. It's just not fair. Nor do I understand why the boys have to shower at the pool. The mom can ask the instructor for another way out, dry them off on deck and let them change in the car. And yes, I have a son (well over 5 :D) who did not use the women's locker room after he learned to talk. And we are a family of swimmers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sorry but being embarrassed ranks very low on my radar. I guess because I have a daughter and she has seen everything God gave my boys that it's not a big deal to me. Your dd(11) will soon not want her brothers to see everything God gave her! And it will probably become a big deal to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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