fairfarmhand Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Do you step up and correct someone who says things like this? Do you mention it at all? What if they are a parent or grandparent? Does it make a difference if your kids are around? Usually when family members say this stuff, if the kids aren't around I just roll my eyes and let it slide. I would be more likely to say something if my kids are around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I *try* not to be reactive because I don't think that will change anyone's opinion, it will just cause the other person to be defensive. I do try to stick up for whoever it is they are putting down OR I point out that ALL races and people groups have "bad apples that can spoil the bunch." Sometimes I admit I get angry and argue though. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 MIL does this. I try to be gentle, but I make it clear will not put up with her speaking in such away around her grandchildren (it goes beyond racism). She does try to push it, but I think she's figured out this is a large part of why we don't leave the kids alone with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaLee Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Growing up, my dad was very racist. It has a lot to do from where he was from and his generation. It took me a very long time to retrain him. Then when my dd came around I really had to let him know in no way shape or form would I tolerate racisim in any form around my dc. Especially, since my dc have bi/multi racial cousins. My brother on the other hand is a different story. He knows how I feel, I know how he feels. We kind of agree to disagree, but he respects my wishes and does not say anything in front of the kids. I'll be honest though, I very rarely have any issues in regards to racisim from the people I meet anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Yes. Absolutely. I have addressed this many times. Not in an angry way, but gently and persistently telling the truth. It's easier for me to do so because I have lived for the last 14 years in an African American community, and prior to that I had two years of experience in the Chicago housing projects (two summers plus various times in between). The key is NOT to allow the person to continue speaking as they are. Keep your own voice gentle, but confront what is being said. Engage the person in a conversation that requires them to examine what they are saying. "What do you mean by that?" "So you're saying that your experience this one time reflects on all African-Americans everywhere?" "You know, there are so many sad misunderstandings about other cultures. Did you know . . . (fill in pertinent anecdotes or information)" "You know, when you say that it DOES make you sound racist. I know that is not what you intend . . ." Etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Being Black, people don't say this to me...I have the other side of the problem - people who are very comfortable being racist and don't think twice to say something without a preface or anything... This makes me wonder how many people think they are not racist when in fact they really are? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 My in-laws weren't allowed to be alone with my children for years because of things they'd say either to them or in front of them. I did say something when they made comments, usually "nicely" but it never went over well. Just one of the many reasons we don't see them often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 If I am alone with that person/people then I say it to them as adults, "Yes, you DO sound racist because it is" and then explain why it is wrong. (their statement) If it is in the presence of my kids I turn to my children and say,"We don't believe that because it is not true" and continue on in this vein and explain what is not right about it. I hate the whole, "it's a free country" and talk of free speech. I'm not trying to send anyone to prison for their thoughts, but when you are filling the ears of my children with such talk then MY free speech rights come out and I can and will correct it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Do you step up and correct someone who says things like this? Do you mention it at all? What if they are a parent or grandparent? Does it make a difference if your kids are around? Usually when family members say this stuff, if the kids aren't around I just roll my eyes and let it slide. I would be more likely to say something if my kids are around. I don't tolerate racists, period. I don't care if I'm related to them. Luckily, my family is not like that. My DD is half Asian but looks Caucasian (like me). I've been around people that have said things that were racist and I don't keep them in my circle. We have friends and family from around the world and I'm just not going to tolerate ignorance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 My dh and our kids are the descendants of (illegal?) immigrants from Mexico. You would NOT believe how often people make jokes about Mexican-Americans, Mexican immigrants, or migrant workers around us. I usually just say something along the lines of "You do know you are talking about our extended family, right?" or I'll call to dh and yell, "They are talking trash about your cousins again." That generally shuts people up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Being Black, people don't say this to me...I have the other side of the problem - people who are very comfortable being racist and don't think twice to say something without a preface or anything... This makes me wonder how many people think they are not racist when in fact they really are?[/COLOR] Good question. I'm guess A LOT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) Do you step up and correct someone who says things like this? Do you mention it at all? What if they are a parent or grandparent? Does it make a difference if your kids are around? Usually when family members say this stuff, if the kids aren't around I just roll my eyes and let it slide. I would be more likely to say something if my kids are around. I usually wait to see what comes after the "qualifier," but yes. I will jump down someone's throat in a heartbeat if they start spewing racist cr*p. I really will not tolerate it from anyone. Period. It p*sses me off to no end that some people think they can spout their racist rants to me because I'm "from the South so you know what I mean." WHAT THE F... is that supposed to mean? (That was a rhetorical question by the way). I am well aware that many people think all white Southern people are racists. It's an ignorant opinion, but it is a common opinion nonetheless. I feel that if I let even ONE person get away with it, then I'll be perpetuating that stereotype in their minds. So... I'm a bulldog on the issue. Always. Edited June 8, 2011 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 It p*sses me off to no end that some people think they can spout their racist rants to me because I'm "from the South so you know what I mean." WHAT THE F... is that supposed to mean? (That was a rhetorical question by the way). I am well aware that many people think all white Southern people are racists. It's an ignorant opinion, but it is a common opinion nonetheless. I feel that if I let even ONE person get away with it, then I'll be perpetuating that stereotype in their minds. So... I'm a bulldog on the issue. Always. see, I am from the South, live in the South and that makes me boiling mad. I hate stereotypes..."southerners are racists." and people who make comments like that just feed them. Do you ever respond. "yes, I am from the south, but no, I don't know what you mean." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Do you step up and correct someone who says things like this? Do you mention it at all? What if they are a parent or grandparent? Does it make a difference if your kids are around? Usually when family members say this stuff, if the kids aren't around I just roll my eyes and let it slide. I would be more likely to say something if my kids are around. I shut it right down. Two of my four kids are black. This sort of talk is absolutely offensive to me, and could be very hurtful to my kids. No way will I tolerate that garbage. I haven't had a problem with family members, but I would expect even more of them, than from the general public. If a family member or friend made racist statements around me or my family, and did not immediately see the error of their ways, they wouldn't be allowed around my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Yes, I say something. My stepdad is the WORST. I've literally told him to shut up or leave my house. He drives me absolutely batty! One time while he was complaining about how "those people" always did such and such or didn't do such and such, I told him I knew the kind of person he was talking about, and then asked him if he would like me to get him a mirror so he could see who I meant. And every single time he acts like it's a new subject with us. He honestly doesn't understand that what he is saying is a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 My dh and our kids are the descendants of (illegal?) immigrants from Mexico. You would NOT believe how often people make jokes about Mexican-Americans, Mexican immigrants, or migrant workers around us. I usually just say something along the lines of "You do know you are talking about our extended family, right?" or I'll call to dh and yell, "They are talking trash about your cousins again." That generally shuts people up. I love this response! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Racism here is so OVERT that it is pretty shocking. I grew up knowing lots of racist people but MOST of them were those thinly veiled type of racist people. You know, the ones who act like they are not racist but they really are. But here? Holy moly... They are VERY OPEN about it. The common phrases are that the Indians are lazy and stupid, the Chinese are rude and will cheat you, and the Malays getting everything for nothing because they are the favored group. I wrote a post about a Chinese guy making a very rude comment in front of my Indian daughter when we were car shopping last fall. I have never seen racism so overt that it is in the headlines, on the TV, and in everyone's daily conversation until I came here. The funny thing is, they don't consider themselves racist... They think they are just stating fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I usually say something like... Wow, really? Every single _____ person you've ever met has....? That is amazing. You really should get out more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I guess in reality, I take it in context- I find the people who are most likely to make racist jokes around me tend to be the people of that race themselves. That sort of humour in Australia is very common, whether its the Irish, the Scots, the Italians- Indigenous people have the funniest racist jokes, sometimes. I do think its important to take things in their context. I don't come across a lot of racism in my day to day life, though, other than, for example, fear and judgement of the drunk Indigenous people in town, which I do try to correct and put in context. I am having contact with Indigenous culture nowadays and the truth is, it is difficult in Australia for most people to see beyond the street poverty, alcoholism and violence of aboriginal people. And it is difficult for even those of us who want to contact the real, deeper culture, to do so. So I have been told by an aboriginal elder that now that I have had contact with the culture in a deeper way than most, that is is my responsibility to correct stereotypes and educate people when racism comes up. But his approach is very different from, for example, getting angry at racism and attacking racist people- it is a persistent and gentle communication of my experience and the facts. It is bringing it to their notice that they are being racist, and explaining the error of their judgments- but not blaming them. Often, people have had a bad experience, which colours their outlook, and they need to be shown a bigger picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Racism here is so OVERT that it is pretty shocking. I grew up knowing lots of racist people but MOST of them were those thinly veiled type of racist people. You know, the ones who act like they are not racist but they really are. But here? Holy moly... They are VERY OPEN about it. The common phrases are that the Indians are lazy and stupid, the Chinese are rude and will cheat you, and the Malays getting everything for nothing because they are the favored group. I wrote a post about a Chinese guy making a very rude comment in front of my Indian daughter when we were car shopping last fall. I have never seen racism so overt that it is in the headlines, on the TV, and in everyone's daily conversation until I came here. The funny thing is, they don't consider themselves racist... They think they are just stating fact. :iagree: I agree. Indians can be very racist too without ever realizing it. Racist and sexist humour is the rampant in our movies and TV. I guess it is because political correctness has not caught on here and people don't feel the need to hide what they really think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne J Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 There are a few people in our family that make racist comments. So far they have been careful to keep it quiet around the dc, since I explicitly warned them. Whenever comments do come up, I deal with it by staring at them deadpan and pretending not to understand what they are saying. It forces them to either back off or explain their comment, exposing the racism, which, ironically, makes them uncomfortable. It has worked for us, but may not work so well for those racists who are proud of their ignorance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I am having contact with Indigenous culture nowadays and the truth is, it is difficult in Australia for most people to see beyond the street poverty, alcoholism and violence of aboriginal people. And it is difficult for even those of us who want to contact the real, deeper culture, to do so. So I have been told by an aboriginal elder that now that I have had contact with the culture in a deeper way than most, that is is my responsibility to correct stereotypes and educate people when racism comes up. But his approach is very different from, for example, getting angry at racism and attacking racist people- it is a persistent and gentle communication of my experience and the facts. It is bringing it to their notice that they are being racist, and explaining the error of their judgments- but not blaming them. Often, people have had a bad experience, which colours their outlook, and they need to be shown a bigger picture. I'll be interested in your experiences when you feel like sharing. My brother is interested in Aboriginal affairs too, and reads the Koorie Mail so I get to hear what he has to say. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 see, I am from the South, live in the South and that makes me boiling mad. I hate stereotypes..."southerners are racists." and people who make comments like that just feed them. Do you ever respond. "yes, I am from the south, but no, I don't know what you mean." Usually I start out with a BIG ol' "well, bless your heart!" and then ask them what in the world makes them think I'd agree with such a bunch of racist claptrap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Another Southerner here who hate the racist crap. I didn't speak to my mom and sister for months because my sister told my kids, and I quote, "All Black people steal." (I kinda just puked a little in my mouth just typing that.) Of course, my mother defended my sister, then called me a racist because we moved to Nebraska:confused:, because there are no Black people here:ack2:. My personal favorite is "I'm not racist. I have Black/Mexican/Indian friends.":ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 . . . it is a persistent and gentle communication of my experience and the facts. It is bringing it to their notice that they are being racist, and explaining the error of their judgments- but not blaming them. . . . . Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Yes. Absolutely. I have addressed this many times. Not in an angry way, but gently and persistently telling the truth. It's easier for me to do so because I have lived for the last 14 years in an African American community, and prior to that I had two years of experience in the Chicago housing projects (two summers plus various times in between). The key is NOT to allow the person to continue speaking as they are. Keep your own voice gentle, but confront what is being said. Engage the person in a conversation that requires them to examine what they are saying. "What do you mean by that?" "So you're saying that your experience this one time reflects on all African-Americans everywhere?" "You know, there are so many sad misunderstandings about other cultures. Did you know . . . (fill in pertinent anecdotes or information)" "You know, when you say that it DOES make you sound racist. I know that is not what you intend . . ." Etc. I really aim for this but the person who is racist is within my immediate family and I still have to work up the courage most times to say something. But what you say is my goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I really aim for this but the person who is racist is within my immediate family and I still have to work up the courage most times to say something. But what you say is my goal. Aaaahhhhh . . . the immediate family. Yes, I can sympathize. I have the hardest time with them too. The first time is the hardest. Maybe the second and third time too. Gentle persistence wins the day, though. No drama, no big scenes--just gentle persistence with the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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