Do people think you expect a lot of your kids?

[joannqn]

Occasionally, I'll get a comment that I expect a lot of my kids. Friday, I got such a comment from a mom I met at the park. This mom had recognized my daughter and I from my blog, which she has been reading for a couple of years. I'm guessing that she sees both what we are learning (which is well above grade level in most subjects) and how much we accomplish each week, and thinks we spend a lot of time doing school.

 

That lead me to post a poll on the general forum asking how many hours of school everyone's 4th through 6th graders do each week. Our school week fits right in the middle of that. We spend about 22 hours on school each week. It would be less but DS begged me for Korean (2 hours a week), Chemistry, and Physics.

 

Do you get the same perceptions from others?

[twoxcell]

Yes I have received comments like that, and I do not think I am that ambitious. In fact I would always like to do more than I do. I had a lady at a homeschool co-op ask me about our daily routine, which I then explained to her. She look suprised, and said "oh so your pretty scheduled then. I think I need to start some math with my dd soon since she starts 2nd grade next year". :001_unsure:

[regentrude]

Yes - and truth be told: I DO expect a lot from my kids. Not more than they are able to do, of course - but more than other parents expect from theirs.

 

Btw, i do not expect that much TIME from them. DS 12 does 4.25 hours per day, DD14 5 hours. Not a lot. It is the level of work where I have high expectations.

[catz]

Yes I have received comments like that, and I do not think I am that ambitious. In fact I would always like to do more than I do. I had a lady at a homeschool co-op ask me about our daily routine, which I then explained to her. She look suprised, and said "oh so your pretty scheduled then. I think I need to start some math with my dd soon since she starts 2nd grade next year". :001_unsure:

 

LOL - we aren't that ambitious either. We do TONS out of the house. My son took evolutionary biology and genetics at our local science museum this winter, was on an engineering team, takes piano, circus classes, swimming, regular field trips, Spanish class. So our table time at home is actually fairly light, but very concentrated. We focus on reading, math, LA, always have a science and a lit/history read aloud going and listen to and discuss SOTW in the car on the go. Somehow it's working! I think we're just a homeschooling family that likes to be on the go. We live so close to so many great opportunities it's hard not to take advantage of them. We could be doing more at home, but I'm really not in a huge hurry to get them more accelerated than they already are. I'd say we spend about 15 hours a week on schooling at home give or take depending on the week. But that doesn't count an hour each kid does minimum independently reading every day or outside classes and activities. So given that I guess we're racking up the hours some how!

 

Anyway - if my older starts talking about his math curriculum or what's he's reading we might get a shocked look, but no, we don't usually get too many comments about our "heavy load".

 

I'd say we have high expectations about level as well.

[joannqn]

I guessed that she was referring to the level of work we do, so I explained to her that when I expected work only a grade level ahead, my daughter hated school, cried every day, and begged to not have to do work she already knew how to do. Now that we are doing work more at her level, she's not as miserable. I learned from my mistake with my DD and let my son go at his own pace. That seemed to satisfy her okay.

Edited May 15, 2011 by joannqn

[Embassy]

Yes, they think I expect a lot. I've been told that on this forum. Maybe I do:tongue_smilie: But I don't expect anything that is out of their reach.

 

Our school days are usually about 6 hours for everything. Most people think that is too much, but they assume that is 6 hours of sit down work. Sit down work may only be half of that. We have an activity focused homeschool that goes broad and deep. So part of our day may include things like a 1-2 hour hike, a movie, a baking project, reading many books out loud, science experiments, relay race/Mother May I/Red Light Green Light foreign language activity, or computer activities. We don't even do things like math and reading every day.

 

They also think I expect a lot because of the level of things my kids are doing. When my son enjoyed a college class last school year I was told by my mom that he was only 8. Yeah, I get that. But sometimes you have to feed a child who is hungry. Sometimes a satisfying meal may not be found where most kids eat.

 

6 hour days with a broad and deep focus feed my kids well.

[Jen in PA]

Yes - and truth be told: I DO expect a lot from my kids. Not more than they are able to do, of course - but more than other parents expect from theirs.

 

 

This sums up my feelings so well! I do not expect my kids to do things that would overwhelm them, but I do challenge them and encourage them to challenge themselves. A lot of what people assume is a result of me pushing is actually just the stuff my kids have chosen to work on of their own accord.

[KAR120C]

Where I tend to part company with some people is in thinking this is inherently a bad thing.

 

DS is capable of a lot, and I expect him to put effort and time into his schooling... so he does get a lot done, and ends up working well ahead of his age/grade. But it was never an issue of plopping him into situations he wasn't prepared for. He has worked his way up through materials, stretched his comfort zone, and taken on new things when the opportunities arose. Each "hard" thing he does has been approached with a solid base of skills and background information. So really... at this point the "hard" thing isn't all that hard.

 

On top of that, he always knows that whatever work he's doing now (even if he doesn't much like the specific task) is something he will benefit from. Either it feeds into his particular career goals, or it broadens his horizons, or gives him an experience he'll value.

 

If I were expecting him to do work that didn't have any redeeming value, just for the fun of making him work, that would be bad. Or if I was pushing him beyond his abilities, and frustrating him - definitely bad. But everything I expect of him is something he reaps the benefits of. So I'm not going to apologize for expecting him to work. It's all good work, and it is giving him much, much more than it is taking from him.

[Aquinas Academy]

Yes - and truth be told: I DO expect a lot from my kids. Not more than they are able to do, of course - but more than other parents expect from theirs.

 

This is me, too.

FWIW, my kids spend far less time on school work each day than their peers, but they are expected to work hard.

[EthiopianFood]

Yes - and truth be told: I DO expect a lot from my kids. Not more than they are able to do, of course - but more than other parents expect from theirs.

 

:iagree: And I will also add, "And too bad if they disgree."

 

I'm working through my disgruntlement here people, give me time. :D

[Donna]

Where I tend to part company with some people is in thinking this is inherently a bad thing..

 

:iagree: I tend to agree with this statement. I think often people don't expect enough of their kids and their children behave accordingly. I have had friends comment about how much I do with my kids and expect from them. Sometimes it was negative comments but now that my kids are in their teen years, these same people appreciate the kids' work ethic and attitudes.

 

I grew up in a household where anything worth doing was worth doing well. I don't push my kids in a negative way (I had quite a bit of negative pushing as a kid so I don't want them to feel like their achievements are what make me love them and that if they aren't achieving I don't appreciate them).

 

So, I provide them opportunities, encouragement, and love to keep on going when things get tough and show them how far they have come when things are going well so they can make it through those tough times when they come around again.

[Lizzie in Ma]

ooo boy, yes. Draconian Homeschoolers R US. :D

[boscopup]

I was talking to a lady at church one day who asked when DS2 would start K. I said "Well, fall of 2012, but we do a little bit now." She then says "Oh, don't push him! Let him be a kid!" Ok, 20 minutes a day total, WHEN he asks, is not pushing him or not letting him be a kid. :tongue_smilie:

 

And as a PP mentions, the kids are really unhappy when forced to work below where they really are academically! That's why my oldest likes homeschooling better than going to school. He can work at an appropriate level. Yes, I'm expecting more out of him, and he has to work harder, but he's actually learning new things! And that's fun!

[MagnaSky]

I expect that everyone will give their best effort, so yes, I have high expectations for myself and others, including my children. I do not think that is a bad think. If the best effort for my ds means reading at the 8th grade level not the 4th, then I expect him to read at this level. If he can do math at 6th grade level that is what he should be doing. I agree with those that I see my job as a parent to encourage and provide

opportunities, but that is not pushing.

[MaMa2005]

We have set the bar of expectations quite high for DS. By doing this, he knows that we expect him to take pride and ownership in his work and do it to the utmost of his ability. I am often criticized by others for what we expect out of DS. For instance, we took DS to the symphony yesterday and he loved it. (I cannot even describe the excitement on his face when they played the William Tell Overture.) My friend called while we were on the way to the symphony to see if DS could come and play. When we said what we were doing (along with stopping off to buy DS some art supplies) her comment was "BORING!" She even asked if just maybe we could stop teaching DS things every day of the week. (I love my friend to death, but we have very different expectations for our children.)

 

On the other hand, I am often surprised at how little some of his other HS friends know about things. It has often given me pause to wonder just exactly what they are doing at home.

 

The world is a tough place and we want DS to be prepared for what he is going to have to face in the future.

[JennyD]

No. Everyone I know has very high expectations for their children.

[Beth in SW WA]

Yes, and I'm weary of IRL hs friends telling me to 'take the summer off'.

 

As if. :)

[8filltheheart]

I pretty much ignore what other people think, so I ignore comments about what others think about our homeschool. I could bore you, but I won't, with how the comments of others did cause serious issues with my oldest b/c I made him do a solid high school curriculum and they had zero perception of what an appropriate high school work load resembled.

 

However, I want to comment on your question b/c it is a serious issue when the pushing comes from our children. My youngest ds really pushes himself. I have to keep myself from getting sucked into his "vision" and stepping back and asserting my role as teacher and mother. My ds's load is twice what my oldest ds's was. He wanst to take more and mroe and more. Somewhere in his life, he has to have time for being a kid. I have had to set boundaries for him and force him to back off. I struggle with what is the correct answer for the appropriate balance. He is not really a child, so he has more right to control some of the decisions and yet I am unwilling to allow him complete freedom b/c he does not see the bigger picture from the adult looking back on the teenage yrs.

 

W/my younger kids, I am really relaxed, so our school is more like the frog in the pot analogy. The problem is that my gifted kids want to turn the heat up too high. ;)

[SnegurochkaL]

Yes - and truth be told: I DO expect a lot from my kids. Not more than they are able to do, of course - but more than other parents expect from theirs.

 

 

I feel the same way. If my oldest kids (8 and 4) are not challenged they will get in troubles, especially my son. I do push my 8 years old from time to time because she wouldn't do it herself:( She doesn't always want to work hard.

 

My daughter has between 30-45 hours of study per week depending on her work load. Most of it are academical studies +skating. She decides if she wants to do a double load of LA or history, science or math, instead of spreading it for several days.

I was "attacked" once when I mentioned that my child was doing about 3-5 hours of math daily. Some ladies thought it was too much, because their kids would spend 15-30 min on their math assignments.

 

My son is taking it "easy", just doing 15-20 hours of studies per week, half of which are math and logic. He is only 4.5 years old:). I don't need to push him; he likes mazes, puzzles, logic and can spend a lot of time solving a problem. His thinking abilities are much higher than his writing at this time. He is still working on improving his numbers writing.

Edited May 17, 2011 by SneguochkaL

[....]

ooo boy, yes. Draconian Homeschoolers R US. :D

 

Yes, we have a branch of Draconion Homeschoolers R Us here, too. We do Sonlight AND My Father's World. Just try to stop us from our next read-aloud! insert evil laugh

[LisaKinVA]

Some yes, some no. Some blatantly say, "please tell me what you're doing, so all I have to do is copy it." :D

 

I have friends who homeschool who have children who vary a lot from my own. There are no comparisons. Hers have a lot of special needs (bright, but LD's, needing vision therapy, speech therapy, OT, hearing... you name it). She does really well with what she has.

 

I have friends who homeschool who really are "good enough." They are comfortable with what they are doing. Kids are doing well. But, they have no desire to know anything beyond what they are doing. I'm not saying what they are doing is sub-par. It's above what they'd get at most public or reasonably priced private schools around here... we just don't struggle with the same issues :D

 

I have yet to meet anyone here (in my current circles) who truly understand what my life is like. Who have children you are trying to "slow down" or enrich their math world... instead of having them charge into Algebra 1 in 4th/5th grades, who think it's FUN to read "The History of Medicine" at age 7, or will flip through a Human Anatomy Encycolpedia for hours learning about the detail of how joints work, before bounding off to play with his Bionicles.

 

Honestly, though, I think if most people really *knew* what my kids were doing, they would think I was making it up. :tongue_smilie:

[angela in ohio]

Yes, but it's usually more about our non-academic expectations. I don't share a lot about our academics IRL (as many of you can understand, I'm sure.) We hold our dc to very high standards for manners, behavior, treatment of others, etc., and we get frequent comments on this, usually from the same people who are benefitting from our dc's maturity. :D

[MBM]

Everyone in my family spends a lot of time studying. Dh has studied history and Latin daily for years for his own enjoyment. My kids have all pursued certain subjects more aggressively than others, but I expect them to not neglect other subjects, too, especially in the formative years. They understand that we learn these things for certain reasons, and as a result of their hard work, they have reaped certain rewards. Investing time in studying is not a bad thing, IMO, and if others have a problem with it, that's their problem, not mine.

 

All of us have other hobbies as well, and I will do whatever I can to help foster those interests. For example, my youngest loves music. He plays saxophone, but this summer he wants to learn to play the clarinet and piano as well. Fine. I'll make sure he has the instruments and lessons. He also loves making songs using Garage Band. Great! Go ahead. Do it.

 

We all have daily down time, too.

 

Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is or why others are *so concerned* about us. For their own well-being, perhaps they should concentrate more on their own family and less on others.

 

[Dmmetler]

Yes, and I do-but it's less academics than in other areas. For example, I expect my 6 yr old to sit through a church service, fill in the blanks on the sermon outline from the spoken lecture, and I don't let her bring books, toys or crayons. She can easily handle it. I expect her to sit at the table through dinner, eat and talk politely, and behave herself. When I have a meeting for work, or when we're traveling, I expect her to read her book, draw, or otherwise amuse herself quietly without disturbing others.

 

It amazes me how many people think that it's unrealistic to expect this out of a 6 yr old. My DD isn't an angel or a naturally quiet, calm child-it's simply that she's learned that there are times to run around and be loud and rambunctious, and times not to.

 

For academics, I do have high expectations, but honestly, my expectations of DD academically aren't as high as hers for herself, and a big part of my job is helping her negotiate that balance between high expectations and outright perfectionism.

[schoolinmom]

I have 3 kids and have done this for 15 years...my oldest, 16 is in college....i think we often underestimate what our kids can do. chin up...you know your kids and their ability...I am so glad i did not listen to that kind of talk when i first got started,.

[Gratia271]

Yes, but it's usually more about our non-academic expectations. I don't share a lot about our academics IRL (as many of you can understand, I'm sure.) We hold our dc to very high standards for manners, behavior, treatment of others, etc., and we get frequent comments on this, usually from the same people who are benefitting from our dc's maturity. :D

 

I don't offer information about what we are doing academically even to family members, though some inquire with my children. When people engage my children, they notice the stark contrast in their manner of speech, their presentation, and in the "topics" they discuss. As a result of that, people conclude I have extraordinarily high standards and require hours of daily academics.

 

In truth, I have standards for my children that are commensurate with their abilities, so I do not think that I expect too much. In addition, they spend fewer hours on academics at home than they would in traditional schools.

[Halcyon]

Yes, most other homeschoolers around here don't have the same academic standards that I have, as far as I can see. I don't really talk that much about what we do, except with a couple of friends (and they think I do a lot). I don't like putting it out there, as I feel it's only our business what we do. If someone asks, I will tell them, but that rarely happens.

 

My oldest works about 4-5 hours a day, most days, not including 1 hour of reading. Summer is a bit lighter, but we school year-round. Younger works an hour or two a day, plus free reading of 2-4 hours (I don't require this, it's his choice). I have high expectations not only in academics but in how my children treat others.

 

I don't really care what others think. I know my kids, I know what they are capable of, what they enjoy (and yes, they enjoy school!) and when they need a break. I have no problem taking a morning once in a while and going on a nice, long hike or for a swim in the ocean. It helps reset the brain and brings us joy. But when we work, we work, and I require focus, attention to detail and mental application.

Edited May 20, 2011 by Halcyon