How do you respond to these kind of comments?

[Wabi Sabi]

I've just recently gone public with our intent to start homeschooling after my ds finishes out the current school year in a few weeks and I've already had several awkward conversations with people. I get comments such as:

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

How do you respond to these kind of comments without being rude, especially when they come from friends and relatives? It's easy to blow off a total stranger, but I'm not sure how to respond to people with whom I interact on a regular basis. It seems like they're typically said defensively.

 

I find myself just shrugging and saying things like, "Oh, I don't know about that" or "Eh, I'm really thankful that I just lucked out with easy-going kids."

 

How does everyone else respond to such comments? Surely everyone gets them, right?

[creekland]

My usual reply is something to the effect of, "Everyone's different," or "Different strokes for different folks."

[Pretty in Pink]

I've been at this thing for over 8 years now. I no longer respond to such comments. I wait just long enough for the uncomfortable silence to creep in and then I change the subject.

[Mejane]

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"That ship has sailed."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You don't need patience. Just a lot of duct tape."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

"Mother Theresa didn't hold a candle to me."

 

 

All said with a smile and a ;).

Edited April 27, 2011 by Mejane

[meggie]

"It's not your problem to worry about." I had to say that to my mom a few times on her last visit (not about homeschooling stuff though). And I said it to my sister when she was being snotty about homeschooling. It's my variation of the Bean Dip response.

 

Although, with the patience thing, which I don't understand at all, my response is more of an "Ok" with a shrug.

[Princess Peach]

I've been at this thing for over 8 years now. I no longer respond to such comments. I wait just long enough for the uncomfortable silence to creep in and then I change the subject.

 

:D

 

I usually agree with them that it is hard work, but that the payoff is worth it.

[Ginevra]

You won't get them forever. It's hot and heavy for the first year or two; after that, everyone knows you're nuts.

 

If it was a genuine question, I would answer it succinctly, but honestly. If it was one of those, "Oh, I'd never have the patience," I would usually say something like, "Well, different strokes." I never really knew why people would equate homeschooling with being the paragon of patience, but...whatever.

[Danestress]

that the vast majority of women (and probably men, but I talk to women more) really just want to talk about themselves. You are just a springboard for them to talk about themselves. So when someone says something that seems to be about you, it's mostly really about them, and if you give them a chance, they will take it in that direction.

 

So when someone say, "Oh, you must be a saint" and you don't really want to have that conversation, you can have the one where you say, "Oh, your kids are so great, though. I love that smile of Kalie's. Have you thought about getting her into modeling?" and you can be pretty sure that you won't have to keep talking about your own decisions. Or if the person is really pushing, you can just repeat what they say right back at them in a pleasant way. "Oh, so yours would make you crazy?" and let them pontificate.

 

Every once in a while, someone really want to know more about my choices, but usually if I get them talking, it's because they are curious for themselves/worried about a HSing family member, etc.

[Desert Rat]

Ha! Good ones, Mejane!

[mom4him]

I've just recently gone public with our intent to start homeschooling after my ds finishes out the current school year in a few weeks and I've already had several awkward conversations with people. I get comments such as:

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

How do you respond to these kind of comments without being rude, especially when they come from friends and relatives? It's easy to blow off a total stranger, but I'm not sure how to respond to people with whom I interact on a regular basis. It seems like they're typically said defensively.

 

I find myself just shrugging and saying things like, "Oh, I don't know about that" or "Eh, I'm really thankful that I just lucked out with easy-going kids."

 

How does everyone else respond to such comments? Surely everyone gets them, right?

Each family has to do what is best for their family. My dh and I feel this is what is best for us.:D

[ChristusG]

For the one about being around the kids all day, I'd say:

 

"Nah, I actually enjoy being around my kids."

[Carrie12345]

I typically go with "Oh, I'm none of those things!" in response to comments about patience, organization, time-management, and neatness. Because it's true - I'm not!

And then they're the ones who don't know what to say, since I just put holes in their knee-jerk defenses.

[Dolphin]

I went through that last spring when I announced I was going to pull my 2nd grader out of his private school for 3rd grade.

 

I just said that I had no idea how it was going to go, that it was going to be a fun experiment and that the whole family was looking forward to giving it a try.

 

Now, this year I am getting a lot more grief. No one thought we would make it through the year, and then they all thought that I would put him back for 4th. I just smile and say that it has been so great that we are not ready to give it up.

 

The fun one with strangers during the year (as EVERYTIME that we go out someone has to say "is school out today"?) Oh, we quit that. Then just walk away.

 

Nicole

[kchara]

Just smile and nod, girls... smile and nod... and then pass the bean dip.

 

Usually I have snarky answers running through my head, but they wouldn't add to the situation. ;) So, I just plaster on a plastic smile and nod. And that's pretty much it. Because usually the people that tell me that... I'd lose my mind if I had to stay with their kids all day, too!!

[sunshine_librarian]

I agree that most of those questions are about the questioner and not about your choice. I usually just give them an encouraging smile and say, "You might surprise yourself." It keeps the conversation light and positive.

[ereks mom]

I agree that most of those questions are about the questioner and not about your choice. I usually just give them an encouraging smile and say, "You might surprise yourself." It keeps the conversation light and positive.

 

Me too. :iagree:

[Desert Strawberry]

Depending on the questioner, I usually say, "Eh, I enjoy it." and leave it at that, the same as when people say things like this about me staying home, doing meal planning, keeping my house neat and organized, sewing, knitting, cooking, etc. They are just things that I do, kwim?

If the person sounds defensive (HSing is generally viewed very positively here, as the ideal educational choice), I say, "It isn't for everyone. I believe that anyone *can* homeschool, but not everyone *should*. The only reason why someone shouldn't is if they don't *want* to." The listener almost always agrees with me that they really don't *want* to. I think it gives them validation that they aren't being selfish. It isn't easy, and you shouldn't suffer to do it if your heart isn't in it.

[Alphabetika]

Sometimes when people say things like, "Oh, I could never do that," or the many variations, I will say, "That's okay, because you don't have to." It sounds snarky but I've come to realize that many times people are saying what they're saying because they feel as if the fact that you homeschool means that you're criticizing their choice not to. So, that's my "bean dip" way of validating them. Because, let's face it, if they really, truly HAD to homeschool, they'd do it. If they don't want to, they don't have to.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've just recently gone public with our intent to start homeschooling after my ds finishes out the current school year in a few weeks and I've already had several awkward conversations with people. I get comments such as:

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

How do you respond to these kind of comments without being rude, especially when they come from friends and relatives? It's easy to blow off a total stranger, but I'm not sure how to respond to people with whom I interact on a regular basis. It seems like they're typically said defensively.

 

I find myself just shrugging and saying things like, "Oh, I don't know about that" or "Eh, I'm really thankful that I just lucked out with easy-going kids."

 

How does everyone else respond to such comments? Surely everyone gets them, right?

 

With friends and relatives? I'm honest but relaxed.

 

To the "I'd go crazy" comment I laugh and say "Sometimes I feel that I am going crazy. Would you like to rescue me sometime for a cup of hot chocolate?"

 

To the "I don't have patience" comment I say "I don't have patience either but I've found that being a parent requires us to learn some, don't you?"

 

To the "you must be a saint" comment I say "You don't know me very well, do you?" (With a wry smile.)

[UnsinkableKristen]

I say, "It isn't for everyone. I believe that anyone *can* homeschool, but not everyone *should*. The only reason why someone shouldn't is if they don't *want* to." The listener almost always agrees with me that they really don't *want* to. I think it gives them validation that they aren't being selfish. It isn't easy, and you shouldn't suffer to do it if your heart isn't in it.

 

 

:iagree: This is a great response.

[Mommy22alyns]

"It's not really that bad." I guess? I had the, "I don't know how you have the patience" at Thanksgiving and I just :001_huh: and couldn't come up with a response. Thankfully, there were tons of people around and the comment kind of got lost. I know she didn't mean anything by it, I was just surprised.

[VeteranMom]

I heard these same comments last year. I hadn't started homeschooling yet and it bothered me to hear the comments, because I really had no idea if my homeschooling plan was going to work. When I really thought about the comments, though, I don't think they were as much about me and my kids as they were about how homeschooling related to their families. It was almost like people were thinking out loud and they hadn't given homeschooling enough thought to get past the "cons" of the decision.

[Happy]

Because my sons had been in the local ps, I could answer those questions with an honest, 'I used to say that, too. (shrug) You figure it out in about six weeks or so....now I can't imagine doing otherwise."

 

Then pass the bean dip.

[momofkhm]

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

Well now I say, "Yeah I used to think that." I do remember saying I'd never have the patience to homeschool! I didn't get those too much before we started though.

[Cheryl in NM]

I've just recently gone public with our intent to start homeschooling after my ds finishes out the current school year in a few weeks and I've already had several awkward conversations with people. I get comments such as:

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

"You must be a saint."

 

How do you respond to these kind of comments without being rude, especially when they come from friends and relatives? It's easy to blow off a total stranger, but I'm not sure how to respond to people with whom I interact on a regular basis. It seems like they're typically said defensively.

 

I find myself just shrugging and saying things like, "Oh, I don't know about that" or "Eh, I'm really thankful that I just lucked out with easy-going kids."

 

How does everyone else respond to such comments? Surely everyone gets them, right?

 

 

I've received all of those. Here are some ways I've responded.

 

crazy: Sometimes I feel that way, it's really not that bad.

 

patience: lol, I made the mistake of praying for patience once. This is my penance. lol.

 

saint: Nah, I struggle just like every other parent.

 

I lighten the mood a little, by joking or just kind of brushing off their comments lightly.

[Allearia]

If it is an actual conversation I try to explain that it gets easier when you have something to do and have a rhythm. Sometimes people are thinking of how it was with little kids, and then you do go a little crazy. I tell them it is easier with older kids, they can read or do their own thing for a while. You also have projects, plans, a routine etc.

 

I guess it is because I know where they are coming from because that is what I used to think. I'm sure they still think that but sometimes someone may really be wondering. I don't really care what they think but it may help them think through being with their kids in a different way.

[arghmatey]

The best way for me to avoid having to respond to these comments is not to go public. When we share information, people want an exchange. These are the most common responses to home school--in addition to the socialization issue. Unless I'm in a very good mood and have time to share information, I discuss other things.

 

I like the responses where you then say something positive about them or their children, or something humorously deprecating about yourself, such as, "Well, I've always been a weirdo, so this just makes sense."

[DianeW88]

Haven't read the other responses, but I always say, "Yes, it's not for everybody." ;)

[Forget-Me-Not]

 

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day."

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience."

 

 

 

I usually say "Yeah, I was concerned about that before I started, but it's been really great!" and then I change the subject.

 

Most of the time I find the comments are sort of defensive. Like they think that I think that EVERYONE should be homeschooling.

[Photo Ninja]

"Oh, I'd go crazy if I had to stay home with my kids all day." (With obvious sympathy) How sad. I'm sorry for you, but it's never too late to develop a better relationship with your children.

 

"I couldn't homeschool. I just don't have the patience." Home schooling can improve a parent's character, too.

 

"You must be a saint." No, I just want what is best for my children.

 

How do you respond to these kind of comments without being rude, especially when they come from friends and relatives?

 

When I don't want to be rude I go with the generic, "Well, we do what we need to do for our children, even when it is is not always easy.?

[zillymom]

I have a colleague who often tries to "offer up a little advice" to me about our plans to homeschool by "sharing her observations that all the homeschoolers" she personally knows "who are only children are spoiled, have bad attitudes, haven't learned anything, and can't function in the outside world." :confused: I don't even know how to respond to that when she gets going on it, so I try to pass the bean dip. But one day, I'd love to say something snarky back!

 

It just always seems to catch me off guard, because this is a very pro-homeschooling area. And I don't personally know any homeschoolers who were only children who are like that!

[nono]

To the "You must be a saint" or its sometimes snarky sister, "You must be so smart" I've simply gone to, "Yes I am." Said deadpan, then followed up with a big :D. Only a few have been put off by it, and I figure, well, they wouldn't like me anyways, so better to get that out of the way early to save a lot of effort on both sides...

[Robin's Song]

I've been at this thing for over 8 years now. I no longer respond to such comments. I wait just long enough for the uncomfortable silence to creep in and then I change the subject.

 

:iagree:

 

Smile, steady gaze, silence... :D

[Crispa]

that the vast majority of women (and probably men, but I talk to women more) really just want to talk about themselves. You are just a springboard for them to talk about themselves. So when someone says something that seems to be about you, it's mostly really about them, and if you give them a chance, they will take it in that direction.

 

 

Totally agree.

 

A simple, multipurpose answer could be "Is that right?" or "Is that so?" or "Do you think so?"

 

"My kids would drive me crazy." "Is that right?"

 

"I wouldn't have the patience." "Is that so?"

 

"You must be a saint." "Heh, you think?"

 

"Oh, I'm not nearly smart enough to teach my own kids." "Is that right?"

 

"I'd be afraid my kids would become misfits!" "Is that so?"

 

etc.

 

 

And I like this, too!

I agree that most of those questions are about the questioner and not about your choice. I usually just give them an encouraging smile and say, "You might surprise yourself." It keeps the conversation light and positive.

Edited April 27, 2011 by Crispa
adding another quote I like :)

[mom2scouts]

Someone responded with "I just don't have the patience" recently and I said that I thought the same way before I started homeschooling. I told her that I was pleasantly surprised that, while I did have days when I wanted to chase down the school bus, most days were really more fun and relaxed than I had imagined.

[SailorMom]

I have to admit - I thought those things too before we started. I pulled my DS's out in 1st and 2nd (the beginning of the year), and was kinda aprehensive - but knew I had missed them when they were at school all day (and ended up volunteering all day at the school anyway)...

 

So - I'm in the "Yeah, I used to think that too," camp.