RoughCollie Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) DS2 has informed me that I take everything he says literally, when he is being sarcastic much of the time. I do not "get" him. This is not good. Apparently, I am a lunkhead. I asked him if he thought that I am a sarcastic person, and he said no. I asked him to give me examples of it, and he told me to Google it. I did, and from what I read about on Wikipedia, sarcasm sounds kind of mean. So, give me your everyday life examples of sarcasm. DS2 seems to think it is humorous somehow, except when DH uses it. I said, if it is raining outside, and I say (cheerfully), "Oh what a beautiful day!", is that sarcasm? He said yes, but it is an ineffectual attempt. Thanks, RC Unenlightened Lunkhead Edited March 10, 2011 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Sarcasm is kind of mean. I'm actually pretty good at it. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 To me, sarcasm has many levels. I don't partake in the mean type at all. I don't like hurting people, just sporting with them a little bit. :D hehe To me, sarcasm is akin to teasing or giving someone a (gentle) ribbing. :D I also like to play with words which can sometimes fall into the category of sarcasm but is more often a pun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Sarcasm is kind of mean. I'm actually pretty good at it. :blushing: Well, just so you know, it goes right over my head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Well, just so you know, it goes right over my head! Really? I would have never guessed. (That is sarcasm. But it's hard to use on you because I don't really mean it. . .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Really? I would have never guessed. (That is sarcasm. But it's hard to use on you because I don't really mean it. . .) Okay, if you were DS2 saying that, I would immediately start explaining to you whatever it is you never would have guessed, so you would understand it. I think you are very funny, whether I'm supposed to or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) I think sarcasm can be witty and funny, but it also can be mean. Some people (especially teenagers) aren't very good at telling the difference. I swear that 95% of what my sister said from age 14-17 was sarcastic! It drove me crazy, and I am myself a fairly sarcastic person. Sometimes when I was trying to have a serious conversation with her I would just look her in the eye and say, "Please just tell me what you mean without the sarcasm. Turn if off for a minute, please!" We had a volunteer at our school who didn't get sarcasm (and thus my sister) AT ALL. My mom was constantly getting "I'm worried about L" chats because of something completely ridiculous that my sister said that this lady took seriously. My sister had a hard time grasping sarcasm until she was about 13-14, so once she got the hang of it, she went a bit overboard for a while! I'm happy to report that at 28 she can have a normal conversation with a reasonable amount of sarcasm. One of the mean ways I've seen sarcasm used is to purposely be sarcastic with someone who doesn't get it to make them look or feel stupid. My sister's peers did this to her a lot when she was young, so for her sarcasm became a sort of defense mechanism/vengeance. She became the most sarcastic of them all! Edited March 10, 2011 by AndyJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) I would say that funny sarcasm is dead-panning the opposite of what you mean to an audience that knows that you sincerely mean the opposite. Sarcasm without a receptive audience kind of falls flat! I think it is important to "know your audience." I find myself toning down the sarcasm with those who don't get it. I don't think there is anything wrong with those who don't get it--it's just not the way they are wired for humor! Edited March 10, 2011 by AndyJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 For your education, a clip from the enduring film classic: Mighty Ducks (catch the slight sarcasm?:tongue_smilie:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqwjR28QX_4 Skip to 8:05. Earlier in the movie, two kids overheard their coach sarcastically tell a jerky coach that they were "losers who don't deserve to live." Unfortunately, they didn't hear the whole exchange and thus took the comment out of context. When the coach makes up with the kids in this clip, there is a cute exchange when he asks them if they understand sarcasm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 For your education, a clip from the enduring film classic: Mighty Ducks (catch the slight sarcasm?:tongue_smilie:) Oooh Ooooh I did! :D hehehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I don't think anyone ever says "Really? I would never have guessed!" without being sarcastic. So if you hear that one, you can safely assume they are pulling your leg. ;) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 if you hear that one, you can safely assume they are pulling your leg. ;) Rosie Really? I would never have guessed that. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Perhaps you could ask your son to not be sarcastic toward you. I think there is no reason he should feel he must be sarcastic to all people at all times and they should accept it. There is a time and a place and he should be able to control his words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Really? I would never have guessed that. :D You're being sarcastic, aren't you? :001_huh: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 You're being sarcastic, aren't you? :001_huh: Rosie :Angel_anim: Me?? Naaaaaaaa. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Another always sarcastic comeback: "Ya think?" or "No, I always _________________ when I _______________" (e.g. No, I always wear my swimsuit when I get ready for work. This would be in response to someone asking, "Are you going swimming?" It is in the "You ask a dumb question, you get a dumb answer category.") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 or "No, I always _________________ when I _______________" Ay, I do this one. Does that make me mean?? :001_unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Ay, I do this one. Does that make me mean?? :001_unsure: If it does, then I'm mean with you! My kid's standard response to that line is "Really? Wow!" (said very sarcastically.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Ay, I do this one. Does that make me mean?? :001_unsure: Do you screw your face up like this :angry: when you say these things? That would be mean. This wouldn't be: :laugh: ;) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 If it does, then I'm mean with you! My kid's standard response to that line is "Really? Wow!" (said very sarcastically.) hehehehe Do you screw your face up like this :angry: when you say these things? That would be mean. This wouldn't be: :laugh: ;) Rosie hehehe Okay then. This one :laugh: would be me. :) Phew. I don't want to be mean to anyone, I just can't help being sarcastic sometimes. When I see an opening I just HAVE to take it. hehehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I don't know whether it's because I'm British, but much of our humor is dry and sarcastic (they're not the same thing, but similar). My dad's family entertained themselves by ribbing each other constantly - and because they all dished it out, they all took it well. For example, many years ago, my grandfather and grandmother had guests to Sunday lunch. After everyone had eaten their fill of the good meal, my grandfather picked up the nearly empty pudding dish and the serving spoon and began to scrape the last bits out of the dish. My grandmother looked over and commented: "That spoon just about fits in your mouth, dear!". Without missing a beat, my grandfather responded, "Yes, and it would rattle in yours!" I guess that could look quite mean, but in reality the whole family plus guests fell about laughing, and the story still raises a good laugh whenever any of us tell it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Another always sarcastic comeback: "Ya think?" I didn't realize that was sarcastic, but I have thought it was rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) My grandmother looked over and commented: "That spoon just about fits in your mouth, dear!". Without missing a beat, my grandfather responded, "Yes, and it would rattle in yours!" That is funny! That must be what my DS2 said was the witty element of sarcasm. He explained it by referencing DS3's dry sense of humor. I "get" DS3, though. IRL, people frequently laugh when I say something (except for my kids) and say, "You are so funny!". I have them in stitches, and I can never figure out why because I am being perfectly serious. I just roll with it. It happens every time I go to the dentist. That lady is laughing practically before I get my mouth open. Not at my teeth. It's like she thinks I'm doing a comedy routine. Edited March 10, 2011 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I have no issues with recognizing satire but I hardly ever do it. I am just not a funny person at all. I do like some comedies and comics but lots of humor is simply not funny to me- most slapstick, for one. I also don't like mean at all. So while I have no problems seeing or reading about stupid criminals, I am much less likely to laugh at nice, ignorants. I can't say I never do since I would laugh at THe Tonight Show's Battle of the All Stars but usually, almost always, those people had a very arrogant attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Some people tend to be quite literal and it is very difficult for them to pick up on sarcasm. Sarcasm can be subtle and sometimes the better someone is with sarcasm the more subtle they can be. It is by it's very nature a complicated, advanced and difficult method of communication because the literal meaning of the words is not the same as the intened meaning. The intend meaning is embedded and has to be decoded. However, the communicator has to take into account both his/her audience, technique and method of delivery. Sarcasm in spoken language is frequently marked by changes in vocal inflection, tone, pitch, and speed of delivery and sometimes by slight changes in body language as well. Sarcasm does not always translate well into the written language hence the difficulty using it on-line. For a better understanding, look up irony on dictionary.com and read the entire page. It goes into both sarcasm and satire. Then look up those entries seperately. Sarcastic and sardonic are listed as synonyms but I think in actual use there is a slight difference. Sarcasm is frequently meant in a light-hearted, witty way that is directed to the situation, matter at hand, behavior or characteristic of a person whereas the actual intent of sardonicism is to be mean and it is almost always directed at a the person themselves. Sarcasm as I said can be subtle and sometimes easy to miss whereas sardonicism rarely is. An example might be saying to someone who did something not so bright, "Well, aren't you the bright one?" (sarcasm) as opposed to, "You moron!" (sardonicism). The last paragraph is mine own understanding and take on the matter and may not be universally agreed on soif someone has a different interpretation please feel free to elaborate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Most, if not all people on the autistic spectrum cannot detect sarcasm. They have to "learn" it. eg: Physically learn what phrases are considered sarcastic so that they can recognize them in conversation. Most ASD folk, because of this inability, usually stumble into "saying the wrong thing all of the time" while growing up. And, since language is dynamic, even with active "learning", will continue to do so even as adults. This is where you get the "he always says such hateful things and then acts as if he hasn't a clue that they're hurtful" situations. Yes, there are some real winners out there, but there are also a bunch of us who honestly don't "get" language nuance. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyoSylvia Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 ... sarcasm sounds kind of mean... I am a very sarcastic person but I read once about a character who would tease people but only about other people's strengths, never their weaknesses. I adopted this rule and, as long as you know the other person is fairly confident in their abilities, you can rib someone without hurting their feelings or making them feel stupid. It can be actually used as a sneaky alternative way of complimenting someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 RC, have you read Chaucer? Read the introduction to the Canterbury Tales. Chaucer is *extremely* liberal in his use of sarcasm. I had a partner in high school who went on to be an accountant. She did not get it at *all*. I repeatedly had to show her how and where the sarcasm played in. For example, the cook is known for his delicious sauce and then his runny sores are described. :ack2: Voltaire is another big one for sarcasm. Candide goes on his journey to see the best of the world. But, he witnesses terrible event after terrible event. Twain, Swift, Shakespeare have all couched works/opinions in sarcasm. It is more readable and memorable than say, Mary Wollstonecraft's essay on the plight of women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Is it possible he means he is being facetious rather than sarcastic? I think a lot of people use these words interchangeably, when they're really different types of humor..... fa·ce·tious (from Dictionary.com) [fuh-see-shuhs] –adjective 1. not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark. 2. amusing; humorous. 3. lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 one of the symptoms/signs of Aspergers is that they don't get sarcasm. not suggesting you have it, just mentioning it as an interesting aside. Sarcasm is mainly tone of voice, and involves focusing on the subtle non verbal cues, rather than the verbal ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I don't think anyone ever says "Really? I would never have guessed!" without being sarcastic. So if you hear that one, you can safely assume they are pulling your leg. ;) Rosie Or "Bless your heart!" if one is of the Southern persuasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Most, if not all people on the autistic spectrum cannot detect sarcasm. Definitely not all. My AS ds is the most sarcastic person in our family. He has a very dry sense of humor and loves to use sarcasm. He has an unusually good sense of humor for an AS kid. I actually encouraged his sarcasm because #1 I'm sarcastic and #2 it was an impressive skill for an AS kid. BTW, we think we are funny, not mean. We certainly aren't trying to be rude or mean when we are sarcastic. Here it is playful and sometimes helps break up an otherwise tense moment or help someone understand that you are just teasing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 To me, sarcasm has many levels. I don't partake in the mean type at all. I don't like hurting people, just sporting with them a little bit. :D hehe To me, sarcasm is akin to teasing or giving someone a (gentle) ribbing. :D I also like to play with words which can sometimes fall into the category of sarcasm but is more often a pun. :) :iagree: We are a very sarcastic family. But not in a mean way. It's just our sense of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Definitely not all. My AS ds is the most sarcastic person in our family. He has a very dry sense of humor and loves to use sarcasm. He has an unusually good sense of humor for an AS kid. I actually encouraged his sarcasm because #1 I'm sarcastic and #2 it was an impressive skill for an AS kid. BTW, we think we are funny, not mean. We certainly aren't trying to be rude or mean when we are sarcastic. Here it is playful and sometimes helps break up an otherwise tense moment or help someone understand that you are just teasing. :iagree: That's awesome. My Aspie dd too is starting to get sarcastic after years of asking me when I say something, "Are you being sarcastic? :confused: " and I would tell her "yes". Now she not only picks up on it when I"m being sarcastic, she'll dish it right back. It's awesome! :D hehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 :iagree: We are a very sarcastic family. But not in a mean way. It's just our sense of humor. Same here. :) We laugh a lot. hehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft2y8u1bjsQ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Yep, DH and I are very sarcastic. When I tell him something like "the cat puked all over your shoes" I already know he's going to say "wonderful." It's so endemic in our speech that people often think we are being sarcastic even when we are not. When a friend asked what color I wanted to wear as her bridesmaid and I was like "Pink! I love pink!" she had to clarify whether I really meant it since my response seemed so over the top (I did). And I can get into trouble when people think I am being honest when I am just being sarcastic. I guess I'm just really good at deadpan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Another always sarcastic comeback: "Ya think?" or "No, I always _________________ when I _______________" (e.g. No, I always wear my swimsuit when I get ready for work. This would be in response to someone asking, "Are you going swimming?" It is in the "You ask a dumb question, you get a dumb answer category.") LOL! this is me. Dh asks me the most insane questions, and I deadpan the most sarcastic answers. The question asking is genetic, his father teased his mother like that. And it drives me insane, so I give him sarcastic answers. It's not mean here, either, it's just the way we all are. No snark allowed, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Is it possible he means he is being facetious rather than sarcastic? I think a lot of people use these words interchangeably, when they're really different types of humor..... fa·ce·tious (from Dictionary.com) [fuh-see-shuhs] –adjective 1. not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark. 2. amusing; humorous. 3. lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person. Yes, I also tend to be facetions. I kind of think of it as a spectrum on which I reside: facetious, sarcastic, sardonic, then just plain b*tchy depending on my mood, audience, circumstances, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 However, the communicator has to take into account both his/her audience, technique and method of delivery. Sarcasm in spoken language is frequently marked by changes in vocal inflection, tone, pitch, and speed of delivery and sometimes by slight changes in body language as well. There is no change in DS2's spoken language when he is being sarcastic. I wish I could remember what he said tonight. I asked him whether he was being sarcastic and he said yes. There were no markers -- I just ask now, no matter what he says. So maybe I'm not the lunkhead here; he is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 I don't think anyone ever says "Really? I would never have guessed!" without being sarcastic. So if you hear that one, you can safely assume they are pulling your leg. ;) Rosie Nope. I've said that before, and I've been completely sincere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 There is no change in DS2's spoken language when he is being sarcastic. I wish I could remember what he said tonight. I asked him whether he was being sarcastic and he said yes. There were no markers -- I just ask now, no matter what he says. So maybe I'm not the lunkhead here; he is! I think this is the key, and where most ASD folk get into trouble. And I agree, I believe most people are confusing "facetious" with "sarcastic". If someone is talking about how "funny" something is, they are talking about someone being "facetious". If they insist on calling it "sarcasm", they need to recognize that sarcasm does indeed mean something intentionally derisive or scornful (you can choose your preferred definition at the link). It's like "irony-lite" with an added hot iron poker. It comes from the Greek "sarkazmos", which means 'to tear flesh, gnash the teeth, speak bitterly' (according to the OED). a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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