When someone's humor isn't funny.

[indigomama]

What do you do when you don't find someone's sense of humor funny?

 

My in-laws, FIL in particular always makes comments, that he clearly thinks is funny but I don't. Most of the time I even find it hurtful.

 

The latest has been a string of snarky remarks regarding my pregnancy. I tell my DH, who most of the times tells the in-laws that we don't find the comments funny. They tell us, to relax. It's just a joke.

 

We've been married nearly 10 years, I know it's how they are and I can't change it, but I'm really getting tired of it. I'm also highly hormonal:glare:.

 

So, would you just ignore it, keep telling them its hurtful when they say something new, or what?

[bookfiend]

Blank look, long pause of silence, then "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are trying to say."

[Mergath]

I would give them the longest, iciest stare humanly possible, and when a dead silence has fallen over the entire room, say, "Excuse me?"

 

If they try to laugh it off with another joke, just keep staring. For as long as it takes. Either they'll get the idea, or they'll think you're homicidal. Either way, the jokes will probably stop.

[DarlaS]

I would give them the longest, iciest stare humanly possible, and when a dead silence has fallen over the entire room, say, "Excuse me?"

 

If they try to laugh it off with another joke, just keep staring. For as long as it takes. Either they'll get the idea, or they'll think you're homicidal. Either way, the jokes will probably stop.

 

I could really have used lessons in this during my last pregnancy...

 

My FIL was a little more subtle. Just a little. :glare:

 

To the OP: :grouphug:

 

Any chance you can just avoid these people?

[littlebug42]

Honestly, if it has been 10 years, it won't change no matter what you say. I would figure out a way to get over it. I have a BIL that drives me crazy and I can only take him in small amounts. However, I love my dh and our marriage is far more important to me than his brother's irritating behavior. He is dh's only brother and it is what it is. Family strife would hurt me far more than he ever will.

[secular_mom]

I guess it wouldn't be appropriate or go over well if you crack jokes back at them about their lack of tact and manners? (wow, your breath smells so bad, what is that from? Oh! Your feet are always in your mouth!- what? that hurt your feelings? RELAX! It was just a joke. But seriously, would you like a mint?)

[justamouse]

Say, "I'm sorry, was that supposed to be funny?"

[indigomama]

Thanks for the replies. We live in another state currently so most of the comments are over the phone/skype/facebook. And even in person, if I tried the stare and what comment they probably wouldn't get it:glare:

 

The other big problem is because no one else calls them on their rude behavior they think it's ok or that it doesn't bother others, but I've been told it does.

 

Today, for example my DH, without my permission (because I didn't want negative comments) posted: 4+1=5. People were offering congratulations, then BIL put "I hope not!":confused: I told him right then he owed me an apology. He said he can't.

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

I know he won't change, or even admit he's being inappropriate, but I've just had enough!

Thanks for listening to me rant:001_smile:

[Crissy]

Today, for example my DH, without my permission (because I didn't want negative comments) posted: 4+1=5. People were offering congratulations, then BIL put "I hope not!":confused: I told him right then he owed me an apology. He said he can't.

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

 

 

Delete their negative comments from FB Every Single Time. It is your (or your husband's) page, and you do not have to tolerate their rude attitudes in your own space.

[Mergath]

Today, for example my DH, without my permission (because I didn't want negative comments) posted: 4+1=5. People were offering congratulations, then BIL put "I hope not!":confused: I told him right then he owed me an apology. He said he can't.

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

 

Ugh. What jerks. If I were in your shoes, I'd post on Facebook to them both so everyone could see, "Well, since you don't seem too excited about our having children, I guess you won't mind never seeing any of them. Ever. Again."

[indigomama]

Ugh. What jerks. If I were in your shoes, I'd post on Facebook to them both so everyone could see, "Well, since you don't seem too excited about our having children, I guess you won't mind never seeing any of them. Ever. Again."

 

Well, apparently DH got really mad, he's not home, and did post something pretty snappy back. Then he just got a message from FIL about how rude, he (DH) is to talk like that on FB about his father! Ugh!! I honestly don't think they realize how rude their "humor" is!

[3lilreds in NC]

If you have to talk to them, maybe you could say something like, "Look, I know you think this is funny, but I don't. I might be hormonal, but I don't appreciate the comments. Pregnant women do not 'relax' easily. Please stop it."

 

If you have the option, don't talk to them. I agree with Crissy about FB - delete every annoying thing they say. If they are on Skype, have your dh tell them you had to go pee, and don't get in front of the camera. Don't talk to them on the phone. My inlaw stress has decreased dramatically since I stopped talking to them over the phone or without dh present. If they won't knock it off simply out of respect for you, you need to remove them from the equation while you're pregnant. You don't need the stress.

 

And, CONGRATULATIONS! Babies are so exciting. I can't wait to "meet" your new little person!

[3lilreds in NC]

You know what else you can do? You can "unfriend" them on FB. You really don't have to be friends with your family on FB. I have another account on which I am friends with dh's family. I don't want his parents to have access to the place where I have fun. I don't post snarky things about them (at least not anything specific, LOL) but I like to be sarcastic and have fun and I would really hate it if they had access to that space in my life. Tell them it seems to be causing more problems and misunderstandings in your relationship than it's worth and that FB is not the best way to keep in touch with you.

[Murphy101]

Delete their negative comments from FB Every Single Time. It is your (or your husband's) page, and you do not have to tolerate their rude attitudes in your own space.

 

Yep.

 

And really, I would retaliate swiftly on occasion too.

 

Of course we know what causes it! It's because we like it so much and dh is so great at it that we are in this situation. Hmmm, guess we know why dh doesn't have more siblings...

 

Haha. What? I was rude? Inappropriate? Insulting? Oh relax. I was just taking my turn at insulting a relative for laughs!

 

:glare:

[Mynyel]

Do like I do. Avoid them. Like the plague. Seriously. If I don't want to deal with my in-laws I suddenly find something I needed to do. Like go grocery shopping. Or visit a sick friend. Or some such thing.

 

If it went on long enough I probably would pitch a fit. Warning my dh that it could happen.

 

I can't take that people don't respect someone enough to stop. It is rude and inconsiderate.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I got *tons* of that when we kept getting pregnant. "You know they figured out what causes that?!" "You two should get separate rooms!" "You put the stem on the apple this time?" (cause if we kept getting pregnant, it MUST be for want of boys, right?) *eyeroll*

 

I have a really snotty rated R comeback that shut them right up.

 

"Yes, it's why Momma told me not to swallow."

Edited March 8, 2011 by justamouse

[Murphy101]

Do like I do. Avoid them. Like the plague. Seriously. If I don't want to deal with my in-laws I suddenly find something I needed to do. Like go grocery shopping. Or visit a sick friend. Or some such thing.

 

If it went on long enough I probably would pitch a fit. Warning my dh that it could happen.

 

I can't take that people don't respect someone enough to stop. It is rude and inconsiderate.

 

 

This is my standard. I'll let them know they've crossed a line, but after discovery that they don't care - short, sweet, and far between conversations become my default.

[fairfarmhand]

 

 

 

 

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

 

 

 

response:

 

oh yeah...don't you? (wink)

[3lilreds in NC]

Do like I do. Avoid them. Like the plague. Seriously. If I don't want to deal with my in-laws I suddenly find something I needed to do. Like go grocery shopping. Or visit a sick friend. Or some such thing.

 

 

Someone around here will our out all the milk in the house when her inlaws are visiting so she can leave the house to go get more. :D

[FO4UR]

Well, I think it's good that your dh is trying to handle this.

 

I don't think people like that ever change though...and it's not worth the pain to open yourself up to them at all.

 

 

I would not share good news (like a new baby!!! CONGRATS!!!) in person or in any manor that opens the door to crude comments. My quick reply would be, "inappropriate" and a change of conversation...if they pulled the "Oh, but it was just a joke" I'd reply, "Inappropriate joke!" and change the conversation...or leave, etc...

 

Do your dc ever hear these things? Do you really want to foster a grandparent relationship where you, the parents, are mocked? Not healthy!

 

Tall, strong boundaries are called for.

[*~Tina~*]

We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

 

 

I got this one a couple times with my last pregnancy. My response:

 

"Why yes we do, and we enjoy it very much, thank you!" :lol:

[Random]

What do you do when you don't find someone's sense of humor funny?

 

My in-laws, FIL in particular always makes comments, that he clearly thinks is funny but I don't. Most of the time I even find it hurtful.

 

The latest has been a string of snarky remarks regarding my pregnancy. I tell my DH, who most of the times tells the in-laws that we don't find the comments funny. They tell us, to relax. It's just a joke.

 

We've been married nearly 10 years, I know it's how they are and I can't change it, but I'm really getting tired of it. I'm also highly hormonal:glare:.

 

So, would you just ignore it, keep telling them its hurtful when they say something new, or what?

 

:grouphug:

 

If it were me (because you asked :lol:), I would ignore it. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but you can't change other people. They are who they are, and it will drive you crazy to keep getting upset. Keep the emotional and physical boundaries high and tight.

 

I have a funny story to share, though. (Funny, as in something your FIL would say.) When ds was nursing, he had severe food allergies, and I could only eat oatmeal and drink water. Nothing else. For months, I ate only oatmeal for ds's sake. When I finally weaned him, a person who shall remain nameless told me he was going to pray for my husband that I didn't get fat, now that I could eat whatever I wanted. And then laughed because it was a 'joke.' NICE GUY!!!!

 

Some people are just rude and self-centered and it's better to feel sorry for them than to get angry.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

And, congratulations!!!

[indigomama]

:grouphug:

 

If it were me (because you asked :lol:), I would ignore it. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but you can't change other people. They are who they are, and it will drive you crazy to keep getting upset. Keep the emotional and physical boundaries high and tight.

 

I have a funny story to share, though. (Funny, as in something your FIL would say.) When ds was nursing, he had severe food allergies, and I could only eat oatmeal and drink water. Nothing else. For months, I ate only oatmeal for ds's sake. When I finally weaned him, a person who shall remain nameless told me he was going to pray for my husband that I didn't get fat, now that I could eat whatever I wanted. And then laughed because it was a 'joke.' NICE GUY!!!!

 

Some people are just rude and self-centered and it's better to feel sorry for them than to get angry.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

And, congratulations!!!

 

Yes, you're right. it's better to ignore than get angry, but sometimes it's hard:001_smile:.

Perhaps our in-laws should get together, they can give each other their own medicine!

 

I usually set up pretty tight boundaries when we're visiting. Especially with our kids, my FIL and BIL think it's hilarious to teach then potty jokes:banghead: Then I have to teach my children not to repeat Grandpa's or uncle's jokes. And they wonder why I won't let my boys stay with them for the summer!

[indigomama]

Oh and thank everyone for the congratulations. We are excited!

[Renee in NC]

What do you do when you don't find someone's sense of humor funny?

 

My in-laws, FIL in particular always makes comments, that he clearly thinks is funny but I don't. Most of the time I even find it hurtful.

 

The latest has been a string of snarky remarks regarding my pregnancy. I tell my DH, who most of the times tells the in-laws that we don't find the comments funny. They tell us, to relax. It's just a joke.

 

We've been married nearly 10 years, I know it's how they are and I can't change it, but I'm really getting tired of it. I'm also highly hormonal:glare:.

 

So, would you just ignore it, keep telling them its hurtful when they say something new, or what?

 

Wait - I had to look because I thought you were my SIL!;) Yes, my Dad is like this and he makes everyone nuts, but when it is brought up he just says we are too sensitive and he doesn't mean anything by it.:tongue_smilie:

 

We mostly ignore it, but I have been very direct with him a few times recently because, well, I am getting too old to be nice about it.:D It doesn't change much, but it makes me feel better. I am more likely to be direct when it is aimed at my dh or my dc.

[KidsHappen]

I am very good at saying, "That's not funny." It is always met with, "I was just joking." To which I relpy, "Well, you should stop. You are not very good at it." Wash, rinse and repeat. With children it does eventually make a difference (even other people's children) but I don't know how well that would work with people who are totally clueless in the first place. :glare:

[Tap]

I tend to go for the repetitive-questions-making-them-uncomfortable-back, reaction.

 

BIL "I hope not"

me "you hope not what?"

BIL "I hope your not pg again"

me "why?"

BIL "Because you already have 4"

me "so what"

BIL "who would want another kid"

me "don't you like kids?"

BiL "yeah, but I don't want 5"

me "why not"

BIL "they're expensive"

me "why do they have to be expensive?"

 

 

 

Just keep asking questions. Silly, simple questions like "why". NEVER give an answer, ONLY ask questions. If you can't think of a question, just turn their statement back into a question by adding 'who, what, when, where, why, how' in front of it. If they give a statistic, ask them "I would like to read more about that, what article did you read it in, I would like to read it." OR more simply, who is the author of the article you read that in? I would like to read some more of their material.

 

It gets to be kinda fun thinking of questions, and never answering. I find that people make jokes when there is a lul in the conversation or they run out of things to talk about. If you make it A LOT of work to make comments about you and yours, they are less likely to do it.

 

A written forum is great for this, because if they ask you a direct question, you can quote a previous statement and keep asking questions, instead of answering them.

[GWOB]

[quote name=indigomama;249836

Then FIL posted' date=' I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

I know he won't change, or even admit he's being inappropriate, but I've just had enough!

Thanks for listening to me rant:001_smile:

 

That is when you reply "Yes I know what causes thst. A very good time tyvm! Your son is very talented." Fil will hopefully get uncomfortable, giving you the upper hand.

[indigomama]

That is when you reply "Yes I know what causes thst. A very good time tyvm! Your son is very talented." Fil will hopefully get uncomfortable, giving you the upper hand.

OK while this made me laugh out loud, I'm not sure I could ever say this to my FIL.

[Miss Sherry]

Thanks for the replies. We live in another state currently so most of the comments are over the phone/skype/facebook. And even in person, if I tried the stare and what comment they probably wouldn't get it:glare:

 

The other big problem is because no one else calls them on their rude behavior they think it's ok or that it doesn't bother others, but I've been told it does.

 

Today, for example my DH, without my permission (because I didn't want negative comments) posted: 4+1=5. People were offering congratulations, then BIL put "I hope not!":confused: I told him right then he owed me an apology. He said he can't.

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

I know he won't change, or even admit he's being inappropriate, but I've just had enough!

Thanks for listening to me rant:001_smile:

You can set it up so that you do not see their comments on facebook. It's the hide function, I think, but maybe it's called ignore. Unfriending works too.

[Trish]

Well, apparently DH got really mad, he's not home, and did post something pretty snappy back. Then he just got a message from FIL about how rude, he (DH) is to talk like that on FB about his father! Ugh!! I honestly don't think they realize how rude their "humor" is!

 

Time to whip out the "RELAX. It's just a joke! Everyone knows what a funny guy you are..."

[Laurie4b]

Thanks for the replies. We live in another state currently so most of the comments are over the phone/skype/facebook. And even in person, if I tried the stare and what comment they probably wouldn't get it:glare:

 

The other big problem is because no one else calls them on their rude behavior they think it's ok or that it doesn't bother others, but I've been told it does.

 

Today, for example my DH, without my permission (because I didn't want negative comments) posted: 4+1=5. People were offering congratulations, then BIL put "I hope not!":confused: I told him right then he owed me an apology. He said he can't.

 

Then FIL posted, I thought your brother was the crazy one. Not congratulations, nothing. We told them over the phone a week ago, and his comment was " Don't you know what causes that?"

 

I know he won't change, or even admit he's being inappropriate, but I've just had enough!

Thanks for listening to me rant:001_smile:

 

Block them from Facebook. (you can either unfriend them or just block them so you don't see what they post) When you're on Skype , disappear. When you're on the phone, say you need to go now. "It's not a joke unless everyone is laughing." This is kindergarten 101.

 

I would guess that they are not joking about the pregnancy. They don't approve of it. So tell them that it is not their place to be judgmental and don't tell them about the next pregnancy.