Finding out where God wants you in the church

[Nakia]

This is going to be a long and rambling post, just to forewarn you. I can't think straight right now, which is why I'm posting. I need a little perspective/guidance.

 

We joined the most wonderful church about a year ago. It is quite a bit bigger than any other church we have ever attended, and there are MANY opportunities to serve. Since we have children, we ALWAYS seem to end up serving in children's ministry (which is HUGE at this church). Right now, I help with children's check-in once per month, and Patrick and I serve one Sunday per month in children's church. I also teach and he does games at AWANA on Wednesday night. I also do the photography for any big events. I know that doesn't sound like that much, but here's the thing: I honestly do not believe that children's ministry is my calling. I never have. I did children's church yesterday, and I was miserable the entire time. It just doesn't feel right. I know that sounds horrid. I prayed for God to give me peace and let me enjoy it, but I didn't. I love the kids, and I enjoy helping out occasionally with things like bible school and special events. But I feel led to serve in other ministries. I have been volunteering in the homeless shelter's feeding ministry, and I feel so blessed by that. I am exploring some other areas and just praying God shows me where He wants me to be. I keep feeling led to outreach programs.

 

My husband, on the other hand, LOVES children's ministry. He shines there. He is so happy with the kids, and the kids LOVE Mr. Patrick!!! I really think he has found his place. And I am happy for him. The thing that bothers me about that is that usually couple serve in the same area. I don't know why this is, but I think a lot of it has to do with convenience. He and I signed up for a life group (small group) about finding our area of ministry, but I really think he has found his. He mostly agreed to go with me because he knows I am searching.

 

The next thing that is bugging me is that my kids love to have us in children's church with them. And I feel an obligation to help since I do have children there. That might just be something I need to let go of. But I don't want my girls to be sad that their mom isn't there. Then again, there are MANY moms who aren't there, so they, of course, wouldn't be the only ones.

 

Can anyone offer me any advice/guidance? I hate to just bail out on children's ministry since I have made a commitment to do it, but I believe God has something else for me. I am confused and frustrated. I really just want to find the place I am supposed to be. It's almost time to let the AWANA leader know if we will be serving again in the fall, and I am lost about what to do.

 

Thank you in advance.

[fairfarmhand]

I completely understand where you are coming from...I feel the same as you. Children's ministry is not my thing either. I dread the coming of VBS each year because it is SO NOT MY STYLE! But I can do it for just a week in the summer.

 

Is your commitment open ended? If so I would let them know "In x months I will be pursuing other interests." If there is a "term" that you committed to, I would complete the term and then step out.

 

My dh teaches a Sunday school class. I've had people surprised that I am not in his class. I was in a different class when he started teaching and I didn't feel like changing to a group that was 20+ years older than I am.

 

If you honestly feel God's leading you someplace different in the church, then how can people criticize you for that? The church is all about people serving in the places where God put them.

[SonshineLearner]

Have you prayed about if you should do "family oriented" serving? Serving the homeless or aged can be something that at least your oldest can do WITH you.... You could share with your kids that when they turn 10 they get to start serving WITH you. I'm actually not sure that Awanas, as much as my son loves it, is what God intends for churches. I believe that ministering to the parents, trickles down to THEIR children. I believe it became common to separate out the children when public school started. I'm not saying don't SEND your children... (my church does it... so the kids want to..) BUT, maybe ministering to adults fits you... and there's nothing wrong with that. (And photography...etc...) After being with your own kids all day long.... I understand why you don't want to go babysit others..

:)

[Princess Peach]

Just a thought I have on the subject...Everyone has been given spiritual gifts. I believe that service in the church means that we use our spiritual gifts to serve the body. It sounds like you need to find out what your gifts are (easier said than done, I know). :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

You serve where your spiritual gift leads you. Husbands and wives usually have different spiritual gifts. Sometimes they can complement each other but not necessarily. I think it's great that your husband can serve in the children's ministry. But I think you shouldn't. You should serve the homeless etc. Explain to the church and to your children that you and are husband will be each serving where you feel can use your spiritual gift the best. And don't feel guilty or pressured by Christian peer pressure to do differently. (My dh has the gift of pastor. I certainly don't feel pressured to do the same because I don't have his gift!)

[Tess in the Burbs]

my dh and I worked in the children's ministry for years. He just tagged along but he really connected with the kids and they loved him. He didn't care for it, but he went b/c of me.

 

We aren't involved right now. I want to be, but all dh can remember is how one thing led to another and our lives revolved around the ministry and we never got to go to service!

 

So for now, I am going with his lead as head of household and we haven't volunteered. I put the things I think he could do before him and he says yes or no. We want to serve together. I do think as the kids hit middle school he wants to get involved and be one of the parents active in the group. He doesn't like the younger kids for one reason: the little girls tends to be touchy-feely and like to hug too much. He doesn't want any little child hanging on him. He had to tell a girl on the basketball team to stop slapping his butt at practice. So he just doesn't like the young kids for that reason. The boys all think he's fun, but until they make it all girl or all boy classes we aren't doing anything until our kids hit middle school.

 

I think it's ok to serve in your own area if you can balance the time apart and respect the time it takes for each of you. We just didn't like serving apart and won't do it again.

[simka2]

I will reply as the children's pastor wife at 2 rather large churches. We never required spouses to serve together. We did require a rotation in the nursery, but we did not require both spouses to serve...some did though.

 

If it's miserable for you don't do it! Honestly, it's not my thing either. I can do it and do it well, but it's not my thing. Dh finally relagated me to security!!!! I am a much better hall monitor, and I love special events.

 

That said...if my kids LOVED us being there I would probly find a way to be okay, once a month.

 

Then I would really think about what I enjoy doing and go from there.

 

*Warning: Do Not Feel Pressure To Be In Any Church Sanctioned Ministry!!!!! Right now you are MOM, and you are Homeschooling!!!! You have a Domestic Church to minister in. There is a huge difference between what you CAN do, and what you SHOULD do.

 

It sounds like your dh likes being there and that is WONDERFUL! When we moved to another church and became young adult pastor's I was very upfront with the children's pastor that I would not be serving in children's ministry, but Dh was fair game!!!! :D

[Hedgehog]

I think it's important that you use the talents God gave you to serve him. If you don't have a talent for working in children's ministry/Sunday School, then that's not the right way to serve.

 

You're obviously good at photography - I love your pictures! - and you've said that you feel tremendously blessed when you do outreach work. That's great! Remember Paul's words:

 

"For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.... there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular. And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues." 1 Corinthians 12:14-28

 

The beauty of a church working for the Lord is that we can all offer different strengths to it. If you are an 'eye', why try to make yourself into an 'ear' or a 'hand' instead? The body needs a selection of parts to make it whole, and each part needs to do it's work to the best of its ability.

 

Go with your leading to do outreach work. You will soon find out if this is indeed the right place for you. And yes, if you can, involve your dc. My mother used to visit the sick and elderly, and usually took us with her. I think it's a valuable learning opportunity for your dc.

[Avila]

I don't know why, but when you have kids, it is so much easier to get sucked into, er, involved in children's ministry than any other church ministry. LOL.

 

I feel the same way. At my church, we are always lacking in volunteers, and I have kids, so I am expected to participate. I can participate in other areas if I have time on top of that, but I never seem to have any time left over!

 

I am really praying about it for fall. I am planning to let go of all the children's ministry stuff I do at the end of this term and pray hard before I accept any of it back. It is really hard to do that, though, because I am going against the general expectations and I will be asked WHY I am stepping back. I mean, don't I like kids? I have three of them! But I am around my own kids all the time homeschooling them. I would love for my church ministry to be something else for now.

 

I don't know if that helps you at all, but you aren't alone in feeling like that. Maybe if you step back from it all and pray about it, you can find some peace too? I wouldn't let DH's calling keep you from finding your true calling.

[Paintedlady]

While I understand not enjoying a particular area of ministry, I think we're all too caught up in what our "gifts" are and the thinking that we cannot do anything we're not "called" to do or "gifted" to do. It's too easy to walk away from the hard work of ministry to only commit ourselves to those things that come easy to us.

 

I am not particularly fond of the various children's ministries, neither nursery or Sunday School, but I volunteer for both anyway. I'm committed to being a coordinator in the nursery for a year and help in Sunday School with projects/parties occasionally as needed. I also work the entire week of VBS, which is my LEAST favorite thing to do. I do not feel particularly gifted in these areas, but also realize that each of us need to step out of our comfort zone a bit and serve sacrificially.

 

That's not to say that I don't serve in other ways that I do feel gifted in and that bring me a lot of joy. I serve on our women's committee and help organize and plan events for the women in our church and also on the social committee that serves luncheons and organizes fun events for the church. I think we all need to do a bit of both and think we're copping out if we only do what is enjoyable to us.

[Nakia]

Thank you all for your posts. You've given me a lot of good words. I appreciate it!

 

 

While I understand not enjoying a particular area of ministry, I think we're all too caught up in what our "gifts" are and the thinking that we cannot do anything we're not "called" to do or "gifted" to do. It's too easy to walk away from the hard work of ministry to only commit ourselves to those things that come easy to us.

 

I am not particularly fond of the various children's ministries, neither nursery or Sunday School, but I volunteer for both anyway. I'm committed to being a coordinator in the nursery for a year and help in Sunday School with projects/parties occasionally as needed. I also work the entire week of VBS, which is my LEAST favorite thing to do. I do not feel particularly gifted in these areas, but also realize that each of us need to step out of our comfort zone a bit and serve sacrificially.

 

That's not to say that I don't serve in other ways that I do feel gifted in and that bring me a lot of joy. I serve on our women's committee and help organize and plan events for the women in our church and also on the social committee that serves luncheons and organizes fun events for the church. I think we all need to do a bit of both and think we're copping out if we only do what is enjoyable to us.

 

I am certainly not looking for the easy way out. Just because something is our gift doesn't mean it is easy. I seldom find the work of the Lord easy. I find it rewarding and difficult, and a true blessing. I am all about stepping out of my comfort zone, which is exactly why I took my children with me to serve in the homeless shelter. But I really don't think there is anything wrong with stepping out of an area that you are not led to serve in. I am not deciding to quit serving altogether.

[Garga]

I hate scrapbooking. Some people love it.

I love reading. Some people hate it.

I like to write stories. Other people don't.

I hate sewing. Other people sew all their own clothes.

You don't like working the with the kids. Your husband does.

 

There is no reason to keep doing the things you dread doing at church. There will be someone else who loves it. I really don't understand why people think that God is going to call them to do something they dread doing. There are plenty of other people out there who will love it and bring passion to it.

 

The only time I see God calling us to do things we don't "like", is if we start doing something we THINK we won't like, but then it turns out we're really good at it and love it. That's being pushed out of our comfort zone. For example: If someone says, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" but then tries it and falls in love with it. God may call us somewhere we never thought we'd go, but once we get there, we're pleased with where he calls us. I don't believe he calls us to where we never thought we'd go just to leave us miserable.

 

Sounds like it's time for you to get out of the way of someone else who will love doing the job.

 

IMHO.

Edited February 7, 2011 by Garga

[Avila]

I am certainly not looking for the easy way out. Just because something is our gift doesn't mean it is easy. I seldom find the work of the Lord easy. I find it rewarding and difficult, and a true blessing. I am all about stepping out of my comfort zone, which is exactly why I took my children with me to serve in the homeless shelter. But I really don't think there is anything wrong with stepping out of an area that you are not led to serve in. I am not deciding to quit serving altogether.

 

Yeah, I think serving in any way in most churches still puts you in the minority. ;)

 

Another way to look at it is that moving out of something you aren't called to opens a spot for someone else who IS called to it to step in and serve. You are leaving that opening so that they can answer God and be blessed by it. And as long as you are in that spot, they may not be motivated to step up and volunteer for it.

 

Best wishes, Nakia. You have such an open heart that any of the church ministries would be lucky to have you.

 

Shelly

[ktgrok]

Would you even think twice if you were called to work in children's ministry and your husband was called to work with the homeless?

[mereminerals]

My dh was called to work with our youth several years ago. I stayed in our Sunday School class as director even after he went over there. He asked me several times to come into his class since I was helping him plan all the events anyways. It would have been for convenience if I had done it, nothing else. About 6 months after my dh started serving in the youth, I felt this pull to speak with our youth pastor. I told him I would be interested in coming over to fill in if he needed me and that I preferred the older girls. Well, I ended up being asked to serve with 8th grade girls (not my comfort zone). I have been most blessed with serving with that group of girls. I'm so thankful I waited to serve there when God wanted me instead of going just to go.

 

Now all this to say, I firmly believe we should be called to work in a ministry not just serve there out of obligation. When we serve in an area that we feel obligated to, I am of the belief that we are taking a blessing away from the person who is supposed to be in that position. It took several years of my dh and I serving in children's ministry to figure out it was okay to leave. The person that was supposed to be there might very well not be there because the spot was filled, not because the desire wasn't there.

 

I am also a believer of using your spiritual gifts, but that doesn't limit where you serve. I am a Sunday school leader and teach on Sunday nights. Teaching is not one of my top spiritual gifts, so I have to work harder in this area than someone who does have teaching as a spiritual gift. But, I am definitely called to be with this age of girls. It is evident by the close relationships that I have developed with the girls over the years.

 

This is just my personal experience and belief, feel free to take it with a grain of salt.

[simka2]

I wanted to add to my other post.

 

Although, I do not think regular volunteering in children's ministry is a good fit for everyone, I think it is important to realize having a children's ministry is a privledge (in most cases) and not a right. OP I'm not saying you feel that way!!!! As a parent though, if I want to benefit from it...I would feel the need to contribute to it.

 

Hope that made sense ;)

[Nakia]

I wanted to add to my other post.

 

Although, I do not think regular volunteering in children's ministry is a good fit for everyone, I think it is important to realize having a children's ministry is a privledge (in most cases) and not a right. OP I'm not saying you feel that way!!!! As a parent though, if I want to benefit from it...I would feel the need to contribute to it.

 

Hope that made sense ;)

 

Re: the bolded. Yes, that is how I have always felt. And that's why I still want to volunteer for things like bible school, our girls' night out for 4th-6th graders, special events, etc.

[simka2]

Re: the bolded. Yes, that is how I have always felt. And that's why I still want to volunteer for things like bible school, our girls' night out for 4th-6th graders, special events, etc.

 

I get it!!! and there are times when you do need a break and need to let other members of the church carry you for awhile. It's okay!!!! :D

[Rivka]

I wanted to add to my other post.

 

Although, I do not think regular volunteering in children's ministry is a good fit for everyone, I think it is important to realize having a children's ministry is a privledge (in most cases) and not a right. OP I'm not saying you feel that way!!!! As a parent though, if I want to benefit from it...I would feel the need to contribute to it.

 

Hope that made sense ;)

 

I agree, but if her DH is volunteering with the children's programs, doesn't that "cover" their family's obligation? Or would you expect involvement from all the mothers and fathers of Sunday School children?

 

Nakia, if your husband has a calling to work with children I think that is wonderful. It's so great for kids to have men as well as women as their mentors and teachers. Let him do that, and you go find something else that feels as right for you as his calling does for him.

[Rosy]

I happen to love teaching and will teach anywhere I can. Right now I teach in the 1st/2nd grade class because my kids are there. I've been there since my oldest was in 1st and (Lord willing) will be there until my youngest finishes 2nd, then I'll probably move to Jr. High. I do feel obligated to contribute to the children's ministry because my kids are there. I also flat refuse to serve on a Wednesday night. They would try to recruit me ever so often when my kids were little, but being with other peoples' kids after being driven crazy by my own all day (when they were all 5 and under) was pure torture for me. I probably won't teach in the children's ministry once my kids are out of it...unless I'm doing it with one of them or it's really clear that God is leading me there.

 

Anyway, all that to say I believe that on one hand serving should be a joy, and that we should serve wherever gives us the most joy. God is glorified in our joy as we humbly use the gifts He has given us. I would be livid if my kids took the Wii I gave them and used it as a stepping stool...and yet I think that's exactly what we're doing when we misuse God's gifts. Our gifts have an appropriate function--glorifying and honoring Jesus Christ as Lord! But on the other hand, I'm still obligated to do all the "one anothers"--I can't say that I don't have to serve, or give, or help or whatever because "I have the gift of teaching". So I think there's a balance. We fulfill our obligations, but we should focus the bulk of our ability to serve where we're gifted.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I completely understand where you are coming from...I feel the same as you. Children's ministry is not my thing either. I dread the coming of VBS each year because it is SO NOT MY STYLE! But I can do it for just a week in the summer.

 

 

Gah! You're a better woman than me. :tongue_smilie: Our church is doing VBS for the first time this Summer and I'm thinking (hoping) that since I don't have a license, DH will be at work, I have 4 small children including a nursing infant - I should be reasonably excused .... right??

 

Many of the mothers teach they young the young Sunday school classes but it's never remotely been in my heart to minister in this way while my DH is gifted in this area so I guess I can at least say I understand. :D

[simka2]

I agree, but if her DH is volunteering with the children's programs, doesn't that "cover" their family's obligation? Or would you expect involvement from all the mothers and fathers of Sunday School children?

 

.

 

No, in my first post I specifically said that I wouldn't. :D

[Rosy]

I agree, but if her DH is volunteering with the children's programs, doesn't that "cover" their family's obligation? Or would you expect involvement from all the mothers and fathers of Sunday School children?

 

Nakia, if your husband has a calling to work with children I think that is wonderful. It's so great for kids to have men as well as women as their mentors and teachers. Let him do that, and you go find something else that feels as right for you as his calling does for him.

 

For me, that would depend on how much he's able to be there. My rule of thumb (for myself) is that we should put back in more than what we're taking out. That's hard to quantify, and a matter of the conscience.

[Ali in OR]

There are times when I love teaching Sunday School. I'm not there right now. I think that my first calling at this time is home schooling, and it takes a lot out of me each week. I prefer to be in an adult Sunday School class right now (they are at the same time in our church). Dh is doing a lot of serving at church at this time and I am not. No guilt here--my calling is elsewhere right now (taking care of the family which frees up dh to serve). Short term projects like VBS are a lot easier for me.

[ElizabethB]

The only time I see God calling us to do things we don't "like", is if we start doing something we THINK we won't like, but then it turns out we're really good at it and love it. That's being pushed out of our comfort zone. For example: If someone says, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" but then tries it and falls in love with it. God may call us somewhere we never thought we'd go, but once we get there, we're pleased with where he calls us. I don't believe he calls us to where we never thought we'd go just to leave us miserable.

 

 

:iagree:

 

When I had just my daughter, I felt called to go visit a local nursing home. I'm not an extrovert, I don't like meeting or talking to new people, I didn't feel like I would be good at it. But, I kept feeling like I should, so I did, eventually, reluctantly.

 

But, they all turned out to be deaf! So, I just visited for a bit, my daughter twirled around for them, it was perfect!!

 

Well, actually, 2 of the ladies were not deaf, but I did enjoy talking to them. And, one was a 94 year old woman who had taught in a one-room school in Texas, I had always wanted to meet someone who taught in a one-room school. It was really interesting, she had children of all ages for 11 years and taught them all to read (yes, she used phonics!) and didn't think it was any big deal. When I asked her to describe how she got them to work when she was working with the other students, she just looked at me like I was crazy and told me "I just told them to and they did." She didn't think it took any talent or was a big deal. She said, "Now, I had 4 brothers in the war. Now, that was a big deal."

[Nakia]

For me, that would depend on how much he's able to be there. My rule of thumb (for myself) is that we should put back in more than what we're taking out. That's hard to quantify, and a matter of the conscience.

 

I have no idea what you mean by the bolded statement. Can you please clarify?

[Nakia]

I wish I could answer each and every post, but please know I really really really appreciate all of your words and support. I am just searching right now. I believe God is molding and shaping me, and He will, in His time, make it clear to me where I belong in the church.

 

Thank you Garga and Shelley for sharing a different perspective. You brought up something I have never thought of.

[Heather in Neverland]

Nakia I had to laugh because this is EXACTLY the same scenario we went through... dh and I signed up to teach sunday school... 4 year olds! He was amazing! I was MISERABLE.

 

I eventually went with what I am good at. God has blessed us each with certain giftings and you need to find yours. Your dh has found his. You don't have to be side by side. For all you knnow maybe you will start a new trend! :D Maybe there are several couples serving together where one spouse would love to try something new but are afraid to be the first ones.

 

I truly do not believe God wants us to force ourselves to work in an area that is not our spiritual gifting especially if others are there to do the work and your true gifts could be used elsewhere.

 

And your girls see you every day plus their daddy will still be there. No worries! :grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

I would agree with going with your gifts, except sometimes God asks you to do what you are not good at, so that he can be glorified thru you--But he never calls you without equipping you. The catch is that it's thru Christ you are equipped--he is the one who can do everything, and thru whom you can do everything.

Therefore, ask him what he wants you to do--either to go with the way he's gifted you, or to go into an area where you will need to totally surrender to him, to fully rely on him, so that you will know HE has done the work, not you.

 

My advice is to sit with him, Nakia, and ask him.

 

That said, I don't feel you have an obligation, unless you hear from God that he wants you there.

[Laurie4b]

I'm a children's minister, and I would encourage you not to serve in children's ministry with a clear conscience if you attended our church. I think there is a difference between serving in a minsitry because it is your gift and calling and making a reasonable contribution because your kids are benefitting from the ministry. Happily for you, your dh is serving there, so if you're feeling guilty because you're not giving back to a ministry which serves your kids, you've got that part covered too! And he's having fun! (If dh wasn't doing anything, then I'd say, yes, do a little something to contribute to the ministry, but you don't have to teach, be with kids, etc. There are behind-the-scenes ways to help for people who just don't enjoy large groups of other people's kids! But he's got it covered, so relax. )

 

If you like the homeless shelter, go for it!

 

I really think joy is a signal of serving in your gift set. One of my favorite lines from Chariots of Fire is when Eric Liddell said, "God made me fast and when I run, I feel his pleasure."

[MamaAkins]

I completely understand how you are feeling. Apparently, since I homeschool, do in-home childcare and have 4 kids, everyone assumes that of course, I would be the best choice to work in the nursery or teach Sunday School. I have had to politely tell them that I get my fill of teaching and young children all week at home and that my time at church is my only chance to pursue other areas of interest. My husband is a public school teacher, but he really enjoys teaching Sunday School, so I've let him do it himself (sometimes our oldest serves as his assistant).

 

Edited to add: I do fulfill other needs and ministries at our church and will fill in at the last minute in the children's ministries. It's just that I choose not to be committed to teaching SS or nursery every week.

Edited February 8, 2011 by MamaAkins

[Rosy]

I have no idea what you mean by the bolded statement. Can you please clarify?

I'll try. :) I have 4 kids in the program, and they're there at least 2 services a week, so I feel like I should teach (or TA) 8+ kids a week or twice as many kids every other week. I don't mean that to be legalistic, just that *for me* it's a measure of whether my family is contributing to the program more than we're taking from it. I would never put that on someone else, but I feel like any program my kids are in I should at least help with, and if they're "all in", so am I.

[Liz CA]

I don't know why, but when you have kids, it is so much easier to get sucked into, er, involved in children's ministry than any other church ministry. LOL.

 

 

Then there is the feeling, "I ought to help because my child is in the group." I experienced this constantly while my son was growing up and we were always involved in rather small churches where there were perhaps 3 woman involved in children's ministry - we all rotated and covered for each other when one was sick. I also found that it seems to be expected OR I felt it was expected of me.