Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

Ladies, we've been sticking by our dear IMP. Can I ask for a little prayer for sis?

FaithManor
 Share

Recommended Posts

FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
Posted

Today is her first court hearing for her divorce from the evil man who conned her.

 

Here's the background:

He's a military officer from a base two states away. He is a sociopath and very convincing. He has not only the sociopathic tendancies but was being treated for severe PTSD, something that he hid from her though he was diagnosed two years before he even met her. Shortly after they were married, he stopped taking his meds (obviously, the meds helped him maintain).

 

He's dangerous...through the course of the 2.5 half years they were married my sister's health tanked completely from the stress of living with him. He's mentally and verbally abusive, calculating and cruel though he hadn't deteriorated into physical violence; it was definitely heading that direction. He kept her isolated from her family and friends, making it very difficult to figure out what was going on for quite some time. She stuck it out as long as she did just because he had 50%/joint custody of his two daughters and she feared for them. Eventually, she realized that she couldn't do anything to protect the girls from him and since he wanted her out, she left. During there ENTIRE marriage, he maintained another woman with money that my sister earned. This fact came to light after he filed for divorce (he beat my sister to the paperwork because she had decided to go get some counseling first so she could think straight before getting involved in that fight) and her lawyer did some investigating.

 

According to the law of that state, she really isn't entitled to anything because the marriage didn't last very long and it's a no-fault state so since there isn't a custody battle to fight, his character issues nor his adultery are admissable in court. He's destroyed her financially, stealing her savings for his mistress, and she's had to put all of the costs of fighting this battle on a credit card. She's barely making enough money to pay that payment plus her student loans from college and a car. He sabotaged her car (my uncle says he can prove it because he had a security camera mounted under the eaves and pointing at the driveway but the police say it's just a "he said, she said" dispute between divorcing parties and refuse to even take a report much less investigate) including severing the brake lines, disabling the air bags, and a couple of other things to ensure she'd have an accident. She's been living with my aunt and uncle and my Uncle is a very intuitive man. He insisted on checking her car over one morning before leaving for work and discovered the dripping break fluid in the driveway. Thank God for my Uncle. So, she ended up with a car payment on a newer car with a serious alarm system that she couldn't afford. My Uncle had to install a sophisticated alarm system at his home as well just in case this man tried to come after her again.

 

She's run out of money to pay the lawyer so the lawyer says she has to settle and the scum bag is of course unwilling to give her one, red cent.

 

Things are pretty desperate. The scum doesn't know that my parents don't have the money to continue to help her fight and dh and I have decided that we'd rather have this over and her out of state, then give her the money to continue to fight him; then end up burying her. It is that bad. One of her friends, another military officer at his base who has high level clearance access to pretty much anything he wants to see there, went into this sicko's file, and told sis that what he saw was so bad he didn't even want to discuss some of it (her stbxh is being tossed out of the military on a medical/section 8) but wanted her to get as far away as fast as she can and live her life enjoying every second and thanking God that she's alive. That last part is literally a virtual word for word quote.

 

Her lawyer tried to supena his medical records but the military refuses to release them and apparently does this quite regularly to civilian courts unless there is a charge of a capitol nature crime. So, she can not bring forth his diagnoses in court.

 

We need a miracle for her. Our hope is that he is desperate to have this over with and will arrive at court today with even a small settlement for her that will at least allow her to pay off the attorney and maybe one student loan so she can get her head above water and get out. He's going to have to believe that she intends on still fighting him and we hope that he just wants it over and is stable. None of us put it past him to attempt to kill her on court property (he's armed for Iwo Jima at his home) but she can't get any protection because without those records, she can't prove just how psychotic he is and since the police refused to investigate the attempt on her life through the car, she comes across looking like the crazy one.

 

She will be in court around noon. If you have a chance to pray, I would appreciate it from the very bottom of my heart!

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
2cents

2cents

Posted
Posted

Oh no! It sounds horrible and scary! I hope it is over soon and she can just get as far away from him as possible. If all she gets out of this is her sanity and safety, then she has won. Nothing else matters. I'll be keeping her in my thoughts. Please let us know what happens. :grouphug::grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I will update as soon as I know anything. They've been in court for a couple of hours but I suspect that this is going to take awhile.

 

I am going out this afternoon with a dear IRL friend who has invited me to Barnes and Nobles to take my mind off of it. I'll still be thinking about it, praying about it, and trying really hard not to worry about it. So the diversion will be welcome.

 

I think it will probably be evening before I know anything. My mom's cell phone is a little flaky in that area of the country, so I'll be dependent on her getting back to my uncle's and calling me. She will likely take sis out to do something relaxing once they get out of court.

 

I'm just hoping my aunt is in a good mood today. She is slowly being overcome with dementia and sometimes can be pretty tough on sis. Other days, she's sis's biggest cheerleader...the days are unpredictable. Uncle, well, he is a rock! But, if she has to go home to aunt and aunt is ranting about something silly, it isn't going to make her evening any easier.

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I have an update.

 

He was an ugly twerp but sis handled herself well. The mediator is having him begin paying her $300.00 per month for expenses but he is otherwise unwilling to settle this in mediation and is insisting on going before a judge. The docket is backlogged and the mediator said it will be a minimum of 6 months and closer to 10 months before they can get a court date because all divorces that include domestic violence charges of a serious nature or custody battles will get preference in scheduling.

 

So, we need continued prayer that this scum bag will soften. Her attorney told her she can't leave the state because it wil look very, very bad to the judge (apparently his having kept a mistress their entire marriage - provable too - and having a live-in right now does not). She's in a pretty bad situation becuase she needs to be completely away from him, she can't afford an apartment on her own, and my aunt's mental illness is getting worse so staying there may not be an option for more than another month.

 

She still needs prayer intervention...this loser's heart needs to be stomped on in some manner so that he will decide he wants this over with and not keep torturing her by dragging it out.

 

Thanks to everyone who kept her your thoughts and prayers today. It could have been a lot worse and she held up so well which only happened because of prayer warriors. She was just so exhausted this morning that I know for certain she didn't make it through today on her own power.

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
RoughCollie

RoughCollie

Posted
Posted

I'm really concerned reading what you've written about your sister's situation.

 

I don't know all the details, but your sister may want to consider moving away to another state. I suppose she'd have to move in with a relative. It sounds to me as though she is seriously risking her life by staying put, and for what? A temporary $300 a month payment that may put her husband in the mood to escalate from trying to kill her to actually doing so?

 

He's already tried to kill her once. The next time, he could succeed. Does she have anywhere else to go that is out of state and far away from that maniac?

 

Of course, I will pray for her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

We want her out and she wants out. The lawyer says she can not go.

 

We don't know what to do. The divorce was filed in that state and it must now be completed in that state. She can't travel back and forth to the lawyer and we live in Michigan, the state of no jobs. As a matter of fact, her entire family lives in Michigan. We've begun searching for jobs for her here and doctors who can handle her physical problems as she just finally found a doctor who actually listens and is getting some where on her issues. But, her student loans and the credit card debt she incurred when the slime stopped paying any household expenses (claiming he was broke but wouldn't tell her where the money was going) - so she paid all of the utilities, car insurances, food and clothing for his kids, etc. on her cc's would put my parents in grave financial peril. Their business is not doing very well right now and they just cover their own bills plus send her a little money each month. We couldn't pay all of her bills but we could help some.

 

But, no matter what, her lawyer says she can not move out of state because the judge will consider it legal abandonment or fleeing a legal process or some stupid thing. Basically, she'd have to go before the judge and state why she needed to leave. Since the police never investigated the original incident, she can't bring it up in court. He could let her move without punishing her by moving the court date out even farther. Her lawyer thinks that the judge would just say "Sure, move but since you obviously aren't serious about getting this divorce over with...I'm delaying a court hearing in the matter for 12 months - busy docket you know!."

 

Personally, I wish she had a different lawyer. I am not convinced that she has been given the best advice. The state is Kentucky and maybe the judges down there are that wicked but they don't have any children so I can't imagine why a judge would care if she completed the divorce from another state. People move to get other jobs all the time. It's a no fault divorce state and his adultery doesn't count against him so why should her moving out of state count against her? I don't get it but the mediator and her lawyer told her she had to stay put.

 

I wonder if it is because the lawyer and mediator do not want the expense or inconvenience of working with an out-of-state client.

 

So, please, please pray that he will acquiesce and finish this thing in mediation very, very soon.

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Txmomof4,

 

He's out of the military. They medically discharged him in July. He had severe PTSD, neurological injury, and a mental illness cited in his discharge but her lawyer has been unsuccessful in getting a supena for these records. The military does not release them in civil cases only criminal cases. Since it's a medical discharge/section 8...it's covered under HIPPA Act. Though she's still a legal spouse, she is not entitled to any information from his military records.

 

So, there isnt any commander to contact. She does have some connections on the base but none of them believe there is a single thing that can be done because his discharge is complete.

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
FaithManor

FaithManor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He's out of the military now. He's been out since July so I doubt that they would bring any "charges" against him.

 

The major she is in touch with on base told her that the military was soooooo glad to be rid of him that there is no way they will become embroiled in her divorce case though they think he's a scum and, in retrospect, apparently the JAG seriously considered trying him on some charges before he was discharged. Apparently, the easiest and cheapest method of dealing with him was to put him out...right or wrong or who might get hurt by this guy was not a consideration in their decision.

 

I am afraid that my sister is just totally and completely helpless in the situation and I think that her lawyer is not very tenacious but my sister can not afford better and neither can any of the rest of us. The divorce rate in that army town is SOOOOOOOOOOO high that the really good attorneys can charge phenomenal fees and never want for business. It's like needing a specialist you can not afford. Your health suffers for lack of money and that's where she is at.

 

There are attorneys in that town that have specialized in cases involving military personnel with dangerous behaviors and PTSD but these pro's get massive money and that's just something that none of us have to give her. The best one in town, who is absolutely expert and has a lot of connections on base, charges a retainer fee of $5000.00 and $200.00 per hour after that - sh'es already shelled out $3500.00 she didn't have. The average divorce through him is $12,000.00. I'd have to either pay tax penalties and get at some of dh's retirement funds which have taken a massive hit in the investment department because of the lousy economy or try to get a second mortgage and though our first is nearly paid off and we do have equity, we've got a roof that must be replaced on this house this spring, no delays - it's barely going to make the winter. Banks are loathe to make second mortgages, at least in our area. So, I feel like my back is against the wall in terms of helping her financially to get a better lawyer.

 

I want her to leave that state, more than anything. But, I feel that this lawyer and the mediator will make her believe that she absolutely can't and she will stay put. What she will do for housing if my aunt's mental health continues to deteriorate, I do not know.

 

Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Wyndie

Wyndie

Posted
Posted
He's out of the military now. He's been out since July so I doubt that they would bring any "charges" against him.

 

The major she is in touch with on base told her that the military was soooooo glad to be rid of him that there is no way they will become embroiled in her divorce case though they think he's a scum and, in retrospect, apparently the JAG seriously considered trying him on some charges before he was discharged. Apparently, the easiest and cheapest method of dealing with him was to put him out...right or wrong or who might get hurt by this guy was not a consideration in their decision.

 

I am afraid that my sister is just totally and completely helpless in the situation and I think that her lawyer is not very tenacious but my sister can not afford better and neither can any of the rest of us. The divorce rate in that army town is SOOOOOOOOOOO high that the really good attorneys can charge phenomenal fees and never want for business. It's like needing a specialist you can not afford. Your health suffers for lack of money and that's where she is at.

 

There are attorneys in that town that have specialized in cases involving military personnel with dangerous behaviors and PTSD but these pro's get massive money and that's just something that none of us have to give her. The best one in town, who is absolutely expert and has a lot of connections on base, charges a retainer fee of $5000.00 and $200.00 per hour after that - sh'es already shelled out $3500.00 she didn't have. The average divorce through him is $12,000.00. I'd have to either pay tax penalties and get at some of dh's retirement funds which have taken a massive hit in the investment department because of the lousy economy or try to get a second mortgage and though our first is nearly paid off and we do have equity, we've got a roof that must be replaced on this house this spring, no delays - it's barely going to make the winter. Banks are loathe to make second mortgages, at least in our area. So, I feel like my back is against the wall in terms of helping her financially to get a better lawyer.

 

I want her to leave that state, more than anything. But, I feel that this lawyer and the mediator will make her believe that she absolutely can't and she will stay put. What she will do for housing if my aunt's mental health continues to deteriorate, I do not know.

 

Faith

 

It sure does seem like her hands are tied. I guess the most important thing you can give her is support and love... poor thing. :( I'm glad you asked for prayer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...