Baby Sleep (pity party)

[Annie]

Sorry, I just need to vent today and maybe have someone say they've been there, and it gets better.

 

My adorable, happy child is 6 1/2 months old. I love him with all of my heart, and I feel blessed every day to be able to take care of him, but the child seriously only sleeps if he's touching me. He certainly has never fallen asleep in a swing or bouncy seat, he has never stayed asleep when put down in any sort of contraption after he was already in a "limp limb" sleep, and I've only had success passing him off to another person while he's asleep a handful of times (and those times he's woken up within 10 minutes). The only other person who has actually been able to get him to sleep is my sister who lives 2,000 miles away.

 

I get enough sleep because we co sleep (obviously, or I would never sleep), but I'm an introvert, and the longest I've been alone in half a year is 25 minutes. During those 25 minutes, my husband called me twice to see when I would be back. I have to sit down and hold him or wear him on my back (thank goodness for babywearing) for every nap, and I hold him in my arms every day between when he goes to sleep around 7:30 and when I want to go to bed between 10:00 and 11:00. When I try putting him down, if he doesn't wake up immediately (usually), he wakes up within 10ish minutes in a very angry mood. He's hard to calm to sleep again when he's angry like that, so I often dread even trying it. If were successful at keeping him asleep even once out of 15 tries, or something like that, I think I would have more hope, but we're not. Every time I put him down, I pretty much know I'm sentencing myself to an hour of trying to calm an overtired baby.

 

I find myself feeling irritated when I see other babies fall asleep playing with toys on their activity mat, or when I hear others talking about their little ones waking up after sleeping for three hours in their crib at night. I don't really like those feelings, and I want them to go away, but I'm having a hard time getting past them right now. I think of all of the people who can't have babies or have lost babies, and I feel so ungrateful for even getting frustrated.

 

I'm starting to read the No Cry Sleep Solution, and I'm hoping that it will have some good tips. Even if CIO was an option for us (which it's not), I'm convinced it wouldn't work for this little one.

 

It's just been a long couple of days, and I needed to get this out. I know it can't last forever, and in 12 years I'm going to have to beg for a little cuddle. I'm sorry for whining, and thank you for letting me have my little pity party.

[NanceXToo]

:grouphug: BTDT! He WILL sleep eventually, even if it doesn't feel like it now. :)

[MotherGoose]

Try reading the Baby Whisperer. She doesn't recommend strict CIO, she recommends slow withdrawl. Helped me a lot.

[WarriorMama]

I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN. :grouphug:

 

Seriously, I know how hard it is. It DOES get better, though, even with a seriously high-maintenance baby like that. Hang in there and go with your gut.

 

The No-Cry Sleep Solution does have some good ideas.

[MelanieM]

Hugs. My girl was just like that as a baby -- a happy little darling who was glued to me 24/7. Next week she will be 8 yrs old, and these days she's most often found in her own bed, glued to a book. I sometimes look at her and wish she was still small enough to snuggle in my arms while she slept, even just for a moment. It does indeed go fast, and one day you will fondly look back on these moments.

 

I'm going to remind myself of this every time I feel like pulling my hair out when the 16 month old tries to keep me from going to pee, acting as if I might never come back from the bathroom again.

 

Hang in there Mama! :hugs:

[hsmom27]

My 6 1/2mo baby girl is the EXACT SAME WAY.... It's starting to wear on me terribly. Otherwise she's an extremely easy baby. She just refuses to sleep without touching me. So (((((HUGS))))), my 4 older kiddos are all living examples that this too shall pass.

[Dawn in OH]

My third was like that. Somewhere around 6 or 7 months I was finally allowed to put him down. I cried for joy.

 

My fourth child, who is now approaching 7 months old, slept great as a baby, he slept all night 7:30 PM to 8:30 AM. I used to have to wake him up to feed him. He slept in his own bed. He was awesome! Now, he doesn't want to sleep, and he wants held if he's awake except for a brief happy play time in the morning. He's been taking power naps on my breast, 15 minutes and then he's up and ready to go again.

 

I feel your pain. I'm sending you hugs, because really that all I can do for you. :grouphug:

[PentecostalMom]

I'm going to remind myself of this every time I feel like pulling my hair out when the 16 month old tries to keep me from going to pee, acting as if I might never come back from the bathroom again.

 

Thanks...I feel the same with my 1yo dd!

 

:grouphug: Hang in there! I sing Trace Adkins, "You're Gonna Miss This," several times a day!

[bookfiend]

Two ideas which you may have already tried...

 

Warm up the bed sheets with a heating pad first.

 

Put him on his stomach (not looking to provoke a sleeping position debate). Try it for a nap, in a bassinet, in the room where you already are.

 

Lastly, :grouphug: which you need.

[twoxcell]

Mine just turned 1 :grouphug:, and he will sleep in his own bed for 2-3hrs a night.

[ktgrok]

just hugs. My son was exactly like that. I remember how HARD it was to never have a few minutes alone. I started taking a LOT of bathroom breaks while my husband held him. Even if it was only 3 minutes, it was MY 3 minutes and I was keeping it private. (obviously during the day that wasn't an option and I'm really good at peeing while nursing now.)

 

If it helps, he DID eventually learn to sleep on his own, without tears or crying it out. And today he is a ROCK when he sleeps. A bomb could go off and he wouldn't wake up. So it does get better. Oh, and it is NOTHING you are doing right or wrong. I parent my daughter the same way and yet she can't stand to cosleep. She wakes up constantly and screams unless she is in her own bed. I actually miss those snuggly nights a little bit! But still, the point is that I parent her the exact same way and she is a GREAT sleeper and he was a LOUSY sleeper. It's just their personalities. Wait it out and know that you are an AWESOME mom for meeting your son's needs so well!!!

[Carrie12345]

Big hugs! :grouphug:

 

BOTH of my girls were like that for several months, and they're only 13 months apart, so it definitely felt like an eternity!

 

I am in no way endorsing this, as the Baby Police might come to get me if I do, but I'll casually mention that the only way the girls eventually started sleeping on their own was by putting them down on their stomachs. Onto warmed sheets. Slowly and carefully from someone's chest.

After a week or two of that, it started to get easier to put them down elsewhere.

[Tiramisu]

No advice here, though I do wish I had some. All I can offer is sympathy, and lots of it.:grouphug:

 

All of my dc were really terrible sleepers. I know how hard it is.

[Pata]

:grouphug: My son is not the best sleeper either, especially compared to my dd. I take a really long shower now days :). Here's hoping it gets better soon!

[JennyD]

My oldest was like this and oh, it was exhausting. But like everyone else, I can promise you that it WILL end. You will sleep again.

 

At 6.5 months, though, presumably that baby should be able to go for a couple of hours without a feeding. Any chance your husband can take him for a bit over the weekend or even at night? You need a break, and honestly it's good for the two of them to have some time just by themselves, too.

[Mom-ninja.]

Yes, BTDT as well. You're right. It does pass. It passes quickly. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you're going to blink and he will be a teen.

 

When I start to feel burned out and frustrated I remember what my mil said to me once. Her oldest child is severely handicapped. She cannot do anything on her own. She is now 45 years old. My mil's life has not been easy caring for her oldest dd, and she went on to have four more children. I asked her how she managed to keep going day after day while being pulled in all directions. She said, "I just do what I need to do. Complaining or getting angry about it won't change anything. Things are the way they are. I accept it and do what needs to be done. Kids need their mothers."

 

I thought about she said. I have found that when I openly accept how my children are and what they need, it seems easier for me to keep going and I do so with a much better attitude.

 

Hang in there.

[zaichiki]

My 4th is like this.

 

Let's remind ourselves that it's just a stage. (I like the pp about the singing...)

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

My first wasn't a great sleeper. My second wasn't a great sleeper...and got worse. He would be up for HOURS at night (for years), and wouldn't co-sleep. My third son was like your little guy. I need a huge amount of sleep, and don't sleep well if a baby is next to me, but I co-slept just to survive. And with a 2 yo and a 4 yo (both waking up at night), this introvert was in melt-down mode. I totally get where you're at and it isn't fun. Luckily he outgrew the super needy phase and is a very fun 4 yo. No advice, but BTDT. (((Annie)))

[annlaura]

:grouphug: My first was the same - he could be so deeply asleep that I could flip his arm, tap his chest, etc., with no response. Get close to the mattress, not even touching, and boom! eyes open and wailing. It is a difficult stage, but it is a stage. It does get better and easier. And even now with my still snuggly and very attached little guy who is about to turn 4yo, I find myself missing the days when he was always in my arms or wrapped against me. Try to get what breaks you can, breathe, and when possible, cherish this time. :grouphug:

[Annie]

Thank you, ladies. :grouphug: This has helped me immensely. Yesterday was a bad day, but this one is looking up. I've actually never tried heating up the bed first, so I'm going to give that a try. Thanks again.

[Osmosis Mom]

Two ideas which you may have already tried...

 

Warm up the bed sheets with a heating pad first.

 

Put him on his stomach (not looking to provoke a sleeping position debate). Try it for a nap, in a bassinet, in the room where you already are.

 

Lastly, :grouphug: which you need.

 

Oh, yes, *definitely* let him sleep on his tummy. None of my kids except my twins ever slept except on their tummies. I am aware of the SIDS-danger and make sure the room is cool, not warm, that the surface is flat, not soft and that she is not too warm.

 

About the cold sleeping surface, then as heat is very expensive our room has been cooler this time around and with this little one she will wake up when I put her down on her cool sheets!!

 

Hang in there. He probably loves sleeping on you because he either smells the milk or can snuggle on his tummy.

[kamom]

I know you don't like CIO, but with some sleep training,in about three days you could have a different baby! Are you sure it wouldn't be a great trade off. I cannot imagine how you are still functioning as a mother.

 

Part of me doesn't want to sympathize, because you trained her to be like that so now you are reaping. But I still do. Both you and her are NOT happy with this. You are suffering and she IS suffering.

 

To those reading this that still don't have any children consider something like Babywise (I don't agree with everything), or look into sleep training. I have three children with one of these very high needs and they all learned very well to sleep on their own, without much crying at all!

 

There is a better way. :grouphug:

[zaichiki]

Part of me doesn't want to sympathize, because you trained her to be like that so now you are reaping.

 

I thought like this until I had my 4th. I always thought #1 was "high needs," but I was able to "train" him to sleep by 7 months old. It wasn't easy. Ask my dh: he'll tell you.

 

Now that I have number 4, though, I understand people who say they've tried everything and it doesn't work. I've done this 3 times already. I've tried everything that worked for the first three and more. Nada. Zippo.

 

For people who tell me that I've made her like this I have only not-so-nice things to say. Sorry.

[kamom]

I thought like this until I had my 4th. I always thought #1 was "high needs," but I was able to "train" him to sleep by 7 months old. It wasn't easy. Ask my dh: he'll tell you.

 

Now that I have number 4, though, I understand people who say they've tried everything and it doesn't work. I've done this 3 times already. I've tried everything that worked for the first three and more. Nada. Zippo.

 

For people who tell me that I've made her like this I have only not-so-nice things to say. Sorry.

 

Now for someone like you who has tried other options and it doesn't seem to be working, I can sympathize.:grouphug: I've been there. I'd keep trying though.

[AndyJoy]

It will get better, but my 13-month-old still naps on me! He just won't sleep deeply enough during the day to nap without my presence.

 

For his first 3 months we slept in an armchair rather than my bed because he wanted to be propped up to sleep (though he never had reflux).

 

However, he does sleep 10 hours at night in his crib now and goes down with little fuss so it will work eventually!

 

The way we transitioned him out of my arms was to lay him down cradled in a Leachco Cuddle-U (like a Boppy, but with a harness) with a blanket tucked over him and under the pillow. He rolled over fairly late, so this may not work for you if you have a roller, but it might be worth a try.

[MelanieM]

Part of me doesn't want to sympathize, because you trained her to be like that so now you are reaping. But I still do. Both you and her are NOT happy with this. You are suffering and she IS suffering.

 

 

It's been my experience that only people who have no clue what they're talking about say things such as this. Sometimes babies just have personalities that are challenging to deal with. No one makes them this way... they just are who they are. The fact that you may have trained your child to be somehow different is a testament to her personality, not to the personality of any other mother/child pair you are viewing and judging.

 

Also, I know I would suffer a heck of a lot more if I put my baby through the Babywise program than I ever would from some lack of sleep and needy baby days. There are some things my mama instinct just knows are wrong, wrong, wrong for me and mine.

[T'smom]

I only have sympathy.....no real advice. My first didn't sleep much if I wasn't holding him (though it wasn't as extreme as you're describing). One friend in particular was always talking about how she trained her daughter to sleep, I needed to do something differently (like babywise, though she didn't say that by name). Then......she had her second.......and she doesn't sleep! Hahaha! I got more than a little satisfaction when I found out that her second daughter didn't sleep. My second sleeps like a dream. Please ignore the idiots that say your child is like this because of how you parent. It's the baby's personality, preferences, etc. One day it will seem like babyhood was over all too quickly.

[Hedgehog]

I had two just like that, and two the total opposite. And we're also living proof that it does pass.. all too soon.. my baby is nearly 3 and I'm already wishing her baby years back! They are so precious!

[ktgrok]

I know you don't like CIO, but with some sleep training,in about three days you could have a different baby! Are you sure it wouldn't be a great trade off. I cannot imagine how you are still functioning as a mother.

 

Part of me doesn't want to sympathize, because you trained her to be like that so now you are reaping. But I still do. Both you and her are NOT happy with this. You are suffering and she IS suffering.

 

To those reading this that still don't have any children consider something like Babywise (I don't agree with everything), or look into sleep training. I have three children with one of these very high needs and they all learned very well to sleep on their own, without much crying at all!

 

There is a better way. :grouphug:

 

 

With all due respect, she did NOT train her child to wake up often or to want to be held. The baby was BORN this way. As I said earlier, I have two children. Both parented exactly the same. One needed to be be touching me in order to sleep, one can't sleep unless in her own space with no one touching her. I didn't "train" them differently. They were born with *gasp* different personalities. It happens. And guess what, the one that needed to be touching me when he was a baby did learn to sleep in his own bed without ANY tears, when he was old enough to understand that mommy was just down the hall if he needed anything. No trauma, no tears.

 

I know many wonderful moms that use CIO, but the science shows that it induces dangerously high levels of stress hormones in the baby. It also flies in the face of EVERY instinct a mother has, and goes against the collective wisdom of millions of mothers in cultures all around the world. Most babies in the world today sleep touching their mom or other sibling. Until not that long ago that was true in this country as well. She is not doing herself or her children a diservice to meet their emotional need right now.

 

As for how she is managing? That's easy. She is a strong woman that, like mamas everywhere is willing to sacrifice for her baby.

 

Sorry for the strong feelings on that but I'm sick to death of people thinking you are permissive or lacking a spine if you mother your baby in a normal fashion, just like mothers have always done. And the thought of books like babywise, that tell mothers never to rock or nurse their children to sleep...it makes me want to cry. Women who read that may miss out on one of the most amazing experiences in the world, rocking or suckling a newborn baby to sleep. NO amount of sleep would ever be worth giving that up in my opinion. Which is why women have held, rocked, and suckled their babies to sleep since time began.

 

Katie (who is pretty darn sure Mary didn't leave Jesus alone to cry in the manger)

[ktgrok]

I know you don't like CIO, but with some sleep training,in about three days you could have a different baby! Are you sure it wouldn't be a great trade off. I cannot imagine how you are still functioning as a mother.

 

Part of me doesn't want to sympathize, because you trained her to be like that so now you are reaping. But I still do. Both you and her are NOT happy with this. You are suffering and she IS suffering.

To those reading this that still don't have any children consider something like Babywise (I don't agree with everything), or look into sleep training. I have three children with one of these very high needs and they all learned very well to sleep on their own, without much crying at all!

 

There is a better way. :grouphug:

 

 

Um, how on earth is a baby that is held securely in his mother's arms every night suffering in the least???? He is sleeping peacefully in the arms of the person he trusts and loves. If that is suffering sign me up!!

 

Katie

[AppleGreen]

:grouphug: I have an almost 10 year old who was very much like that. It is *so* hard. I was the sole person to put him to bed until just before he turned 3, although I regret not having dh try and keep trying earlier. He just seemed to really need me and then close contact w/ someone as he transitioned to sleep. I will say he sleeps most wonderfully now. :) I mean really, it seems so long ago that he needed so much of us, but I don't regret putting my time in then, although at the time it was tough.

 

He was a voracious nurser and a very light sleeper. Ugh, there were many tearful nights on my part. I will say looking back his sleep personality was a further manifestation of his personality personality-he was/is just more (in good and challenging ways). One book I really like is Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She also does consults.

 

Ok, I have kids needing assistance moving along in their night-time routine, so I must run. Oh, do you have a sling? That was a life saver. Many hugs! Really, I do remember those days. Also, it will get easier as little one gets older. I found dh would spend lots of outside time w/ our boy to give me a reprieve and outside really calmed him. Ok, off to tubby!

[AppleGreen]

It's been my experience that only people who have no clue what they're talking about say things such as this. Sometimes babies just have personalities that are challenging to deal with. No one makes them this way... they just are who they are. The fact that you may have trained your child to be somehow different is a testament to her personality, not to the personality of any other mother/child pair you are viewing and judging.

 

Also, I know I would suffer a heck of a lot more if I put my baby through the Babywise program than I ever would from some lack of sleep and needy baby days. There are some things my mama instinct just knows are wrong, wrong, wrong for me and mine.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

I am a firm believer kids come who they are. It is up to me to bring out the best in them. I have no doubt my eldest would've screamed himself to sleep for a long, long time and been quite miserable. Yes, his sleep made me miserable in the short term, but parenting is about keeping the long term goal always at hand. How could I expect him to become an empathetic person if I failed to offer him that when he needed it and let him CIO?

 

FTR, I am not saying mom needs to give all happiness up. I strongly encourage you to connect w/ other moms, particularly ones who share your mothering philosophy. Do you have a local LLL group near you? How can your dh help? Bathtime? Getting up w/ baby on the weekends? Help him develop his relationship w/ baby. They will find there own "things" as baby gets older. Will he wear baby in a sling? In a backpack? Are you getting outside for a daily walk? Eating well? You only had little one 6.5 months ago, I know I felt very lonely (although I don't think I recognized that at the time) as a new mom and figuring out who I was and what kind of mom I was going to be. It was very hard for me to reconcile my ideas of what life w/ my baby would be like and the realization of the baby that came to me and what he needed. Do you have any projects you can work on w/ baby attached to you? I went through a huge decluttering phase w/ a little one that age.

 

Baby steps, you are both still getting to know each other. I read the most in my life w/ my eldest "high needs" baby. Many, many hours and naptimes spent on the couch reading book after book. Don't feel bad laying down w/ little one. It *will* better. :grouphug:

[kamom]

Um, how on earth is a baby that is held securely in his mother's arms every night suffering in the least???? He is sleeping peacefully in the arms of the person he trusts and loves. If that is suffering sign me up!!

 

Katie

 

If you read her post you can see both she and the baby are suffering f rom from lack of real sleep. As soon as she tries to lay her down she wakes up screaming and gets so upset she can hardly settle her down. IMHO, that is bondage, not fun for anyone involved, by her own admition, and does not have to be part of parenting.

 

FYI, I rock my baby to sleep when I want too, because I have trained him to be able to go to sleep in my arms or in his bed.

 

Off to rock my baby to sleep.:001_smile: I clearly wrote I do not agree with everything in babywise.

 

Sorry for stepping on your toes.

[zaichiki]

Sometimes babies just have personalities that are challenging to deal with. No one makes them this way... they just are who they are. The fact that you may have trained your child to be somehow different is a testament to her personality, not to the personality of any other mother/child pair.

 

This is exactly what I have learned now that I have more than one or two children. They're all different and it just took a little time for me to have enough variety among my children to really embrace that fact.

[ktgrok]

If you read her post you can see both she and the baby are suffering f rom from lack of real sleep. As soon as she tries to lay her down she wakes up screaming and gets so upset she can hardly settle her down. IMHO, that is bondage, not fun for anyone involved, by her own admition, and does not have to be part of parenting.

 

FYI, I rock my baby to sleep when I want too, because I have trained him to be able to go to sleep in my arms or in his bed.

 

Off to rock my baby to sleep.:001_smile: I clearly wrote I do not agree with everything in babywise.

 

Sorry for stepping on your toes.

 

I did read her whole post, including the part where she said CIO wasn't an option for her family. And yes, if she lays him down he wakes up and has trouble getting back to sleep. If she kept doing that yes, he would be sleep deprived. But, when she holds him he sleeps fine, which is what she is doing. So as long as she continues to hold him when he needs it he IS getting enough sleep, nestled against his mama. Yes, it is hard. I've been there and done that. But it doesn't last forever. They get bigger and their nervous systems mature and they don't need that anymore. Its but a few months out of a lifetime.

 

I did appreciate that you said you don't agree with everything in babywise, but since you didn't say what you don't agree with someone could read your recomendation and then end up following some of the advice in the book that is very dangerous. Babies have ended up VERY sick, and many many many mothers have lost their milk supply due to the feeding and sleep recommendations in it. I can't imagine that risking my milk supply would be worth getting better sleep for a few months. YMMV.

[UmMusa]

Courage for these difficult weeks. I have four, and they all need different things, however, babies can learn behaviors. My last one was similar to how you are describing yours, and the Over the Shoulder Baby Holder really improved her sleeping which helped her nighttime sleeps and my sanity.

 

Consider training her to get used to certain things in order to sleep like a baby doll touching her cheek, you patting her back or legs, or letting her cheek touch your skin instead of nursing her (if unlatching her is waking her.)

 

Also.... can you take a 'rest day' and stay in bed for a day with snacks, movies, books, and baby with you? This might help your body get some good rest. Are you getting enough vitamins, fluids, and food? I had to do that every so often and had forgotten about it by 6 months, but we still need to pamper ourselves... babies are tough!

[stripe]

Two ideas which you may have already tried...

 

Warm up the bed sheets with a heating pad first.

I find flannel never gets cold the way regular cotton sheets do, so you can have a flannel thing (baby blanket, sheet, piece of fabric, whatever) for the baby to be put down on; this might help.

 

I realize this thread is about a week old but I thought this tip might be easier / faster than a heating pad. It's not quite so toasty but it is also not cold.

[Annie]

Thanks Stripe! I do have some flannel sheets I can try!

 

We were both having a really bad day when I wrote this post. He's showing some signs of sleep independence at night (rolling over and going to sleep when he's done nursing instead of hugging my booK all night :lol:), but he will still only nap on my lap/back. He just doesn't get into a deep enough sleep during the day. For now, I'm content and pretty well rested.

[stripe]

I'm glad. I tend to think it's something he will grow out of, but then, my mother said I was this way myself! Ha.

 

I use the flannel trick myself for just this reason, so I hope it helps.