Input please! Totally wrong, or perfectly understandable?

[NanceXToo]

About two months ago, I decided I wanted to join a gym for health and weight loss. I was initially thinking Curves.

 

I called a girlfriend and asked her if she would join with me. She said she had been thinking of joining this other small gym because her health insurance would cover it, and since the fees and driving distance were comparable, I agreed to join that gym with her instead.

 

It took us about a week to find a time we could go in to look at it, another 2 or 3 weeks to come up with a day and time we could all go for the one hour of free training (mainly due to her rescheduling), and finally, a month ago, we met up for the free hour and we all officially joined.

 

She just signed forms for her health insurance, my husband (who decided to join too) and I paid cash for one month as they had a one month end of summer special.

 

Over the past month, my husband and I have been going two times a week every week- and we're going at times that my girlfriend selected as the best for her (she's got two kids in school and she goes to school herself).

 

And yet, she has only ever actually showed up to work out with us ONE time in the course of that entire month.

 

Once or twice she texted me in advance to say "I can't come tomorrow because of this or that" but all the other times, she just didn't show up. And then a few days later she'd text me and go "sorry I didn't make it, this or that came up."

 

I took to texting her in advance going "are you going to be there tomorrow?" and she wouldn't respond until once again it was days later and she was going "oh, sorry!"

 

I was really glad my husband decided to join too because if not for him, I wouldn't have had a reliable gym partner. And I didn't want to go by myself.

 

Well, our month that we paid for is now up. And we were GOING to go in today and pay for another month (and SUPPOSEDLY she's going to be meeting us tomorrow)...

 

...but dh and I talked this morning about not renewing that membership, and joining the Y instead. It would be HALF THE PRICE! AND it would get me discounts on the extra programs I sign my kids up for.

 

We decided to just go there today and join (the Y) and give up on that other place.

 

I admit to feeling a little guilt though.

 

Based on how things have been going (her only showing up one time all month and it taking weeks prior to that to even get her in for the free hour), is it totally wrong of me to just drop the gym I joined with my friend? Or is it perfectly understandable since she's been very unreliable and I need to worry about my own finances etc?

 

Okay go ahead- ease my guilt trip, or put me in my place lol.

[Caitilin]

I think what you're doing sounds fine. If she's consistently been blowing you off all month, then I think you're perfectly reasonable to go to the gym that's cheaper and does what YOU need for you. :) I wouldn't feel guilty, in your shoes.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Since she abandoned you, you have no obligation to continue with your original arrangement. Go with the Y and be done with it. If she balks, tell her why.

[JoyfulMama]

Do what works for you, without guilt. If she balks, then tell her the great fee you are paying at the Y, and tell her she should join you there - you might even be able to get her a free pass to try it!

[aggieamy]

She might actually be relieved that she's not disappointing you anymore. Go for the Y. They are lots of fun and great for family activites.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Many people want to sign up for the gym and have good intentions but just never go. Your friend sounds like she's in this category.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with going with the Y.

1. You signed up with your friend for the period of time that you agreed on. You're not obligated to keep going.

 

2. She can make her own decision to either switch to the Y and make it work. Or to keep her current gym membership.

 

I would e-mail her or phone her and just say, "Thanks so much for getting me in the gym habit but we've switched to the Y because it is so much easier on the pocketbook. It'd be great if I see you sometime at the Y but if not, that's ok."

[NanceXToo]

I don't think there's anything wrong with going with the Y.

1. You signed up with your friend for the period of time that you agreed on. You're not obligated to keep going.

 

Well, about that, we didn't agree that we'd sign up for a month together only, it's just that my husband and I decided to only pay for one month at a time. Joining the gym together was an indefinite thing. For all I know, her health insurance plan covers it for a year- I have no idea.

 

But now that I'm due to renew my monthly membership I'm thinking, no, it's much cheaper at the Y, and has more benefits for me, and she never shows anyway at this other place, so paying more and continuing to go there just for her doesn't really make sense.

 

Know what I mean?

[ereks mom]

:001_smile:

[Perry]

Since she abandoned you, you have no obligation to continue with your original arrangement. Go with the Y and be done with it. If she balks, tell her why.

:iagree:

 

And good for you for sticking with it! :hurray:

[Gooblink]

I think you have to find a gym that works best for you and your family, so you did the right thing and should not feel guilty.

 

Do you think she felt uncomfortable working out with your dh there? Was he part of the original plan? None of my business...I'm just thinking through possible reasons why she would join, then bail. I think I'd feel a little like a fifth wheel, working out with a couple...depending on how close were were as friends, I guess.

[mcconnellboys]

You need to worry about your own finances and the Y is closer for you and better for your family all round. She obviously is not going to go to the gym (which is the only reason you decided to join that one), so you need to move on....

[NanceXToo]

I think you have to find a gym that works best for you and your family, so you did the right thing and should not feel guilty.

 

Do you think she felt uncomfortable working out with your dh there? Was he part of the original plan? None of my business...I'm just thinking through possible reasons why she would join, then bail. I think I'd feel a little like a fifth wheel, working out with a couple...depending on how close were were as friends, I guess.

 

No, she's comfortable with him. He's done tattoos and piercings for her (he's a tattoo artist/body piercer obviously lol), we get together at each other's houses, we've been friends for almost 5 years. So I don't think that has anything to do with it (and yeah I did tell her up front that he was thinking of joining, too, and she had mentioned that her own husband might at some point, too, although so far that hasn't happened).

[NanceXToo]

Anyway, thanks, you guys made me feel better! I'm off to the Y to join up, and I'll contact her later to let her know. (I'll have to think some on how to word that lol- I don't want it to sound accusatory or anything)!

[Tress]

You need to worry about your own finances and the Y is closer for you and better for your family all round. She obviously is not going to go to the gym (which is the only reason you decided to join that one), so you need to move on....

 

:iagree: and no reason to feel guilty!

[Mejane]

I wouldn't think twice about it. Go to the Y! :)

[TheCoffeeChick]

I wouldn't even feel guilty over changing if she had been going with me regularly - you're saving 1/2 the fee!

Edited October 11, 2010 by BramFam
I don't want to sound snarky! :)

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I think what you're doing sounds fine. If she's consistently been blowing you off all month, then I think you're perfectly reasonable to go to the gym that's cheaper and does what YOU need for you. :) I wouldn't feel guilty, in your shoes.

 

:iagree:

[LG Gone Wild]

She probably doesn't care and won't be offended. Everybody (nearly) understands opting for the cheaper alternative.

[Heatherwith4]

No guilt necessary! :)

[Laurie4b]

Join the Y. No guilt necessary. You are probably relieving her of a burden from the sounds of it. (ie she *thought* she would want to exercise more than she actually does and each time she hears from you, *she* feels guilty.)

 

I would communicate with her in a way that doesn't imply guilt: "Since things aren't working out the way you thought they would and since the Y is the cheaper option for us, we're going there. See you at ____ (whatever the next time is you would naturally see her) "

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I have not read all the other responses, but, I have a feeling they will all say what I'm about to say: I wouldn't feel guilty.

 

I would just explain that, while signing up with her was originally a good idea, it's obvious that she just doesn't have the time to go when you can and so, since the Y is cheaper it'll just be better for you to go there when you can and she can continue the other gym or not as she likes.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

She might actually be relieved that she's not disappointing you anymore. Go for the Y.

 

:iagree: because...

 

It took us about a week to find a time we could go in to look at it, another 2 or 3 weeks to come up with a day and time we could all go for the one hour of free training (mainly due to her rescheduling), and finally, a month ago, we met up for the free hour and we all officially joined.

 

She was flaky about it from the beginning. She surely wasn't/isn't committed, which is what you need in a workout partner. You and your DH go where you can honor and maintain your commitment to your health (and good for you!).

[Brilliant]

I'm off to the Y to join up, and I'll contact her later to let her know. (I'll have to think some on how to word that lol- I don't want it to sound accusatory or anything)!

 

I wouldn't even mention it to her unless she brings it up. Sounds like she won't, since she has no intention of ever meeting you there! But if it ever does - you can look surprised and say, "Oh! Since it was just hubby and me working out, we decided to join the Y and get two for the price of 1. It's working out great! I hope you're finding time to work out at your gym!"

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I wouldn't even mention it to her unless she brings it up. Sounds like she won't, since she has no intention of ever meeting you there! But if it ever does - you can look surprised and say, "Oh! Since it was just hubby and me working out, we decided to join the Y and get two for the price of 1. It's working out great! I hope you're finding time to work out at your gym!"

 

:iagree:

[RoughCollie]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You made plans with your friend, she did not fulfill her end of the bargain for a month, and it is cheaper for you to join the Y. I think you are being both fair and prudent. I would tell her what is going on, though, after you join the Y, to stop her from trying to persuade you to change your mind based on more promises which may not be kept.

[Whereneverever]

Since she abandoned you, you have no obligation to continue with your original arrangement. Go with the Y and be done with it. If she balks, tell her why.

:iagree:

[Trish]

I'd be totally guilt-free on this one. Good move for you and your family! And, due to the lack of aggravation vis a vis her not showing up, it may save your friendship to boot! So I'd say it's a bargain all the way around.

[AngieW in Texas]

Don't feel any guilt. Go where you feel comfortable and will get the best deal.

 

If your friend was meeting with you nearly every time, then I'd talk with her about it first, but since she's only actually made it to work out with you one time in the entire month, I'd just switch. I don't see any need to tell her first. If she calls or texts you to ask when you'd like to work out together, then you can tell her that you switched gyms. I'll bet that it will be several months before she asks.

[BigMamaBird]

I'd say sign up for the Y. Even if your girlfriend was faithfully meeting every single time, you have to do what's best for your family.

[NanceXToo]

Thanks so much for all the replies! I feel a lot better!

 

My husband and I just went over and worked out at the gym at the Y for the first time. It's got beautiful, modern equipment (much more so than the other place), it was great!

 

It's half the price as I said, with all adult group fitness classes included, and now I'll also get discounts on programs I want to sign the kids up for (homeschool P.E. is one such program, and they've got an indoor youth soccer league starting next month that I was interested in signing both kids up for, etc). So this really will save me a good amount of money.

 

I just sent my friend a text. It said:

 

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that dh and I have decided not to pay for another month at (old gym). We found out that we can join the Y for half the price! And we would get other member benefits too like discounts on kid's programs. I hope you understand. I feel a little bad because we signed up at this one together, but it seems incredibly hard for us to find days and times where we can get together there, so at this point I need to go with the one that's going to cost less. I will see you for (so and so's) birthday and the concert, hopefully! :) P.S. I don't know if you are able to switch your info to the Y but their gym is really nice! TTYL!"

 

So, that's that! Thanks for helping me not feel (too) guilty about my decision :D

[In2why]

I would tell her you decided not to renew at the gym, and then join the Y. If you do it the other way around, she might think you did it behind her back. But even if she says she will come more often, have a response, like "We already decided that the Y is better for us, but I am glad that we had the chance to workout together." Then change the subject. Maybe a phone call where you can tell her and then get off the phone.

Don't be surprised if she uses you as an excuse to continue not going though. It doesn't sound like she was committed in the first place and you make an excellent scapegoat. Even in her own mind it will be easier to blame you then to admit she just isn't ready.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks so much for all the replies! I feel a lot better!

 

My husband and I just went over and worked out at the gym at the Y for the first time. It's got beautiful, modern equipment (much more so than the other place), it was great!

 

It's half the price as I said, with all adult group fitness classes included, and now I'll also get discounts on programs I want to sign the kids up for (homeschool P.E. is one such program, and they've got an indoor youth soccer league starting next month that I was interested in signing both kids up for, etc). So this really will save me a good amount of money.

 

I just sent my friend a text. It said:

 

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that dh and I have decided not to pay for another month at (old gym). We found out that we can join the Y for half the price! And we would get other member benefits too like discounts on kid's programs. I hope you understand. I feel a little bad because we signed up at this one together, but it seems incredibly hard for us to find days and times where we can get together there, so at this point I need to go with the one that's going to cost less. I will see you for (so and so's) birthday and the concert, hopefully! :) P.S. I don't know if you are able to switch your info to the Y but their gym is really nice! TTYL!"

 

So, that's that! Thanks for helping me not feel (too) guilty about my decision :D

 

Excellent text. And great job on sticking to your exercise plan!

[NanceXToo]

Thanks, all :)

 

As an update, I just received a text back from my friend. She said:

 

"Hey Nance don't feel bad at all, apparently I suck as a gym partner lol. It's just been one thing after another. I think I can switch to the Y. I will check it out sometime this week. When do you guys start?"

 

Then she said something about Halloween plans and I ended up giving her a call and we talked about the gym and Halloween and the kids and so on, and she said she's going to try to meet us at the Y tomorrow to check it out, and she's going to call her insurance place to find out if she can switch over.

 

She said she hadn't really loved the other gym, that it felt more like a 'guy's gym'... and between that and some things going on with home and family she wasn't really making it over there. Maybe she'll do better with the Y but if not, at least I have my husband going with me, so either way, I'm not stuck going by myself! :)

[BigMamaBird]

I'm glad she contacted you and that everything is cool between you. One less thing to worry about. Good luck on your new fitness regimen!

[littleWMN]

Wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty!

[silliness7]

No guilt here. Really I wouldn't even think twice about it. Your friend probably won't even notice.