I am so furious I am shaking

[JennifersLost]

It's been two hours and I'm still so mad I'm venting on the internet so I don't vent in real life.

 

A week ago my daughter (nine) came to be almost in tears saying she didn't want to play in the soccer playoffs with her team because she'd heard girls get violent and try to hurt each other in the playoffs.

 

We live in a very small town in northern British Columbia. We aren't talking inner city here. Just nice, small town girls. I laughed the whole thing off, told her it was ridiculous, just girls making up rumors, etc.

 

 

 

So today was her first playoff game. It was close, tied 2-2 for a while. The other team scored a goal and pulled ahead. My daughter's team got a corner kick. My daughter was away from the play, but was coming toward the corner to help her team when this girl on the other team spun around like she was angry with the call, ran up to my daughter and CLOCKED her with an elbow to the nose.

 

I was stunned. I've never, ever seen anything like it. The ref didn't see it - didn't whistle or anything. Blood was spurting from my daughter's nose and my husband, who also hadn't seen what happened but saw she was crying, ran onto the field and picked her up and got her out of there, yelling at the ref to blow the whistle. The ref stopped the game long enough only to get her off the field and get the sub on. No whistle on the girl who hit her or any consequences.

 

No parent or coach from the other team came over to see what happened, even when the game ended. No apology, no nothing. The girl certainly didn't apologize. Didn't even pretend that it was an accident.

 

 

Well, as I was typing this the phone rang and it was my daughter's coach. She went to talk to the head of the league and so did the refs. The upshot is that they know who the girl is, and she's done something like this before. They are going to "watch her". The next time she commits an offense she'll be suspended and if she does it again she'll be kicked out of the league.

 

I feel slightly better. The thought that no adult was going to speak up against this just had me so furious.

 

My daughter is handling the whole thing with aplomb. I am so proud of her. In ten minutes we have to leave for her next game and she's happy and ready to play.

[Starr]

It's great that they are going to follow up. Take your cue from dd this time and have fun at the next game. Keep us posted.

[Greta]

So glad that your dd is alright and that she's handling it so gracefully!

 

But . . . They're going to wait until the THIRD time this girl attacks another player before they do something?? I know nothing about team sports because my dd is in taekwondo, but that surprises me. Is that the standard way of handling this kind of thing?

[TX Bluebonnet]

That is unbelievable. I'm glad you were able to handle it so well. I'm afraid I would have found the girl's mom and popped her in the nose. How can people let their kids do stuff like that?

 

I hope your daughter doesn't have any more problems and enjoys the rest of her games.

[Rose in BC]

I can't believe they know who she is and that she has a reputation and they're not putting a stop to it now.

 

:grouphug: I definitely would have felt angry in this circumstance.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Actually, they are going to wait until the FOURTH time she assaults someone to take action?!

 

She has 'done it before',....then did it to your daughter. If she does it again she will be suspended, then another time will get her kicked off? Why is she not being disciplined NOW?! I would have SERIOUS ISSUES with how this is being handled. :glare:

[Daisy]

This is totally ridiculous. If they know the girl has a history of this behavior they should be doing a whole lot more than just calling you on the phone.

 

I'd be irate. :mad:

[LauraGB]

:grouphug: I would be livid. Absolutely livid! You did well, Mom, and your dd sounds like an incredibly smart, mature, resilient kid.

 

Did the coach mention if anyone was planning to talk to the other girl's parents? I would think that is the least they can do, rather than just wait until she injures another child (possibly even worse).

[DarlaS]

So glad that your dd is alright and that she's handling it so gracefully!

 

But . . . They're going to wait until the THIRD time this girl attacks another player before they do something?? I know nothing about team sports because my dd is in taekwondo, but that surprises me. Is that the standard way of handling this kind of thing?

 

She's probably a very good player, and they don't want her gone--and she knows it. :glare:

[LG Gone Wild]

Send that turd's family the medical bill.

[OLG]

She's probably a very good player, and they don't want her gone--and she knows it. :glare:

 

Exactly!

 

I have heard of this happening before where the coaches and parents are so swept up in the competition that they refuse to discipline and use this to help the child grow. I'd be outraged!

 

Mary

[JennifersLost]

She's probably a very good player, and they don't want her gone--and she knows it. :glare:

 

You're exactly right. This is the case. This girl played almost the entire game for that team.

 

Dh is going to go to the head of the league again, now that he has all the info, and ask that they "warn" her this time.

 

But yeah - I can't believe they're waiting to take action to see if she does it again.

 

My daughter's team just played their second game and won, so she'll advance. There is a chance she could play that girl again. If she does, I'm thinking of bringing my video camera and keeping it trained on that girl for the whole game. That way if something happens it'll be on tape.

[Guest janainaz]

Oh my! I'd probably have run right on the field, and grabbed that kid by the ponytail..... I can't believe other parents (especially HERS) did not do something about it right then and there. My 5 yr old pushed a girl down last season in soccer, and I was appalled! I'll say that was the last time that had better ever happen.

 

Well, at least they are going to take care of it if she does that again. My goodness, it's just a GAME!

[lllll]

..

Edited January 2, 2013 by ksva

[parias1126]

So glad that your dd is alright and that she's handling it so gracefully!

 

But . . . They're going to wait until the THIRD time this girl attacks another player before they do something?? I know nothing about team sports because my dd is in taekwondo, but that surprises me. Is that the standard way of handling this kind of thing?

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. :confused:

[tex-mex]

From a former schoolteacher's POV:

 

As the group knows the child has done this before. Most likely, this child has had a past history of such behavior at school with fighting or behavior. I would suggest the decision be made to prohibit this from happening again as the young girl is either very disturbed or comes from a family that condones this behavior (i.e. abuse). I'd also suspect they are afraid of a lawsuit if things did get worse.

[nono]

 

My daughter's team just played their second game and won, so she'll advance. There is a chance she could play that girl again.

 

Remind your daughter not to retaliate. Somehow, some way, it always seems the one just "returning the favor" is the one who gets in all the trouble.

[delaney]

See you are a better person than me. I would have charged the field flinging F bombs-seriously. The game would not have continued until they dragged me from there.:cursing:

[AuntieM]

So, I would find out that girl's game schedule and be there with my video camera. Evidence, baby.

 

Actually seeing something like that happen is akin to actually seeing the crash of an auto accident. Most of the time people hear the brakes squeal, hear the crunch of metal, see the aftermath. I'd be there just waiting for this bully's next attack.

 

ETA Just read your subsequent posts, I see you already thought of this! Great idea... ;)

Edited September 12, 2010 by AuntieM

[Jen+4dc]

You're exactly right. This is the case. This girl played almost the entire game for that team.

 

Dh is going to go to the head of the league again, now that he has all the info, and ask that they "warn" her this time.

 

But yeah - I can't believe they're waiting to take action to see if she does it again.

 

My daughter's team just played their second game and won, so she'll advance. There is a chance she could play that girl again. If she does, I'm thinking of bringing my video camera and keeping it trained on that girl for the whole game. That way if something happens it'll be on tape.

 

 

Do it!

 

You may save the next little girl who gets hit who isn't as resilient as your dd.

[RobinF]

So, I would find out that girl's game schedule and be there with my video camera. Evidence, baby.

 

Actually seeing something like that happen is akin to actually seeing the crash of an auto accident. Most of the time people hear the brakes squeal, hear the crunch of metal, see the aftermath. I'd be there just waiting for this bully's next attack.

 

ETA Just read your subsequent posts, I see you already thought of this! Great idea... ;)

 

I agree I would video the game. We just finished soccer tournaments today with our rec league and had 6-8 yo playing like it was football. The refs didn't call one foul during the game.

[StephanieZ]

Or, how about call the police and report the assault. It is a crime.

[Sparkle]

I'm sorry about your dd's experience. I'd be furious too. I think that girl should be suspended, at the very least. I went to a soccer game many years ago and one of the boys kicked another boy and broke his leg, no kidding. I couldn't believe how unconcerned most of the parents (and my stupid boyfriend at the time who was the coach) were. Ugh. I don't know what is wrong with some people.

[Greta]

Or, how about call the police and report the assault. It is a crime.

 

You know, I wondered about this too. With mom as the only witness (did no one else see what happened? Or did they not care enough to react?) and no hard evidence, I suspect it wouldn't really go anywhere. BUT it might be enough to make the parents wake up and take this seriously. Maybe make them realize that they need to take some action. I'm probably being naive, but I'd *like* to think it would be a wake-up call, for the parents, coaches, and refs. It is inexcusable for them to not even so much as talk to this family about what happened. If the soccer league won't live up to their responsibilities, maybe you should consider going over their heads.

 

I don't know. Just thinking "out loud" here. But it seems worth considering, at least.

[Kirch]

You know, I wondered about this too. With mom as the only witness (did no one else see what happened? Or did they not care enough to react?) and no hard evidence, I suspect it wouldn't really go anywhere. BUT it might be enough to make the parents wake up and take this seriously. Maybe make them realize that they need to take some action. I'm probably being naive, but I'd *like* to think it would be a wake-up call, for the parents, coaches, and refs. It is inexcusable for them to not even so much as talk to this family about what happened. If the soccer league won't live up to their responsibilities, maybe you should consider going over their heads.

 

I don't know. Just thinking "out loud" here. But it seems worth considering, at least.

 

It would be nice if that happened, but my suspicion is that the OP would just get labeled as that insane, "can-you-believe-anyone-would-do-this" lady who called the police over a "normal" sports injury.

[MariannNOVA]

I can't believe they know who she is and that she has a reputation and they're not putting a stop to it now.

 

:grouphug: I definitely would have felt angry in this circumstance.

 

In red, THIS.

[Greta]

It would be nice if that happened, but my suspicion is that the OP would just get labeled as that insane, "can-you-believe-anyone-would-do-this" lady who called the police over a "normal" sports injury.

 

:( You're probably right.

[mom2denj]

Actually, they are going to wait until the FOURTH time she assaults someone to take action?!

 

She has 'done it before',....then did it to your daughter. If she does it again she will be suspended, then another time will get her kicked off? Why is she not being disciplined NOW?! I would have SERIOUS ISSUES with how this is being handled. :glare:

 

:iagree:We have been involved in the sport of soccer for many years now and I have never seen anything like this go on. She should not have another opportunity!:confused:

[fhjmom]

Was their "real" line refs on the field? Often times players like that know how to get behind the ref out of their line of sight to do their dirty work, but the linesmen should be watching for fouls as well, assuming they are actually trainer referees and not just parents or who ever that call in and out.

 

Did the league ever admit that they believe she actually committed that offense in the game today? Or were they taking the complaint as a warning as in "we didn't see it so we can't do anything about it but we will watch her in case she does it again"? If they truly believe she committed that offense today, she should have a red card issued now (which usually carries a 2 game suspension in most leagues I have been associated with). The league should have a policy on players that committ intentional violence on the field and if so, this should count as her first strike. I would push for that process to begin now and not wait until she strikes again.

 

I would also ask for clarification on what they mean by "watching her". Last season, our team had a run in with a coach for another team (she was screaming at our players, cussing at our coach on the field... and this was 5-6 year olds! BTW, that age in our league is coach-ref'ed so no one was there to card her) and the league scheduled a league official in plain clothes to watch several of her games after that. I would ask that someone from the league other than the ref be at the game with the sole reponsibility to watch that individual player.

 

Another thing that I would bring up is how the league has responded to the girl's coach. I would hope that they would counsel the coach to get the girl under control. If a coach is coaching 9-year-old girls to play that way and is not willing to try to stop what she is doing, he shouldn't be coaching.

 

I was also going to suggest video taping the game, but I see you already thought of that. Does anyone from the game today have video?

[JennifersLost]

Thanks for everyone's concern. It's nice to get that kind of support.

 

I'm not sure what's going to happen next. My daughter is not the best girl on the team, but she is one of the smallest. The girl who did it is small also, but a very, very good player. Her family comes as a group to the games - mom, dad, grandma, big brothers....I have a feeling it is a big deal for them for her to win and she knows it.

 

The "refs" are about 13 years old and completely clueless. Neither saw what happened or knew what to do.

 

Several other parents told us at the second day that they've seen this girl trip, push, kick, etc., other kids before.

 

As I said before, we will talk to the head of the league again, and I will bring my video camera if we play her again. It is a small town, and we don't want to be labeled as the crazy parents who called the police over a soccer game. But yeah - that's about how angry I was when it happened and I've walked around just seething all day.

 

I am going to suggest to dh that he suggest to the head of the league that he attend this girl's games and see for himself.

 

Now, I have to say we've played this team before this year and I didn't see anything happen before. She's generally pretty good at not getting caught. I have a feeling she meant to shove my daughter hard and intimidate her - but didn't mean to whack her in the nose. If she hadn't hit my daughter hard enough to bleed so spectacularly, probably no one would have spoken out at all. It's easy to make tripping, etc., look like an accident.

 

Well, we'll see what happens next.

[songbirdie]

I would've have forced them to *do* something about *this* incident, and not wait until there is another incident. It makes me angry that someone else has to get hurt before they'll do something. Why isn't it enough that your dd got hurt - they should do something about *this* time!

[Frontier Mom]

Video tape the games. That way if the ref doesn't see it you can take the video to the higher ups and get results. The other team may not like it but dirty is dirty.

[FaithManor]

I am afraid that this is getting common although it has always been around. Some coaches actively discourage and punish this behavior, some don't encourage it but don't necessarily punish for it if it benefits the team, and some are so ruthless that they actively encourage and teach the behavior.

 

When I was in high school, one of our rivals in soccer had a coach that taught his players how to break an opposing players leg. We had to really watch out for those players because if you got nailed, you'd be in the ER getting ex-rayed and of course, the intended consequence was, you the good player was out of the game. The officials ALMOST NEVER did anything about this no matter how blatant the attack.

 

I am glad your DD is okay...it's sad that the other girl won't be disciplined until she does it again.

 

I hate to say it but I've seen both soccer and basketball games that looked like hockey games... the only problem is that with these two sports, there isn't any protective gear as there is in hockey and football.

 

Faith

[RanchGirl]

If the league *knows* she did it THIS time, she should be suspended. If they only suspect it based on your observations (no one else at the game is backing you up), then she should be warned. A warning "next time" is simply unnacceptable and irresponsible on their part.

 

If the league won't take action and this gal is prone to assaulting people, I would not only videotape the game you play against her, I would check her schedule and go to her other games and videotape them (as I think a previous poster suggested as well). She should be stopped!