What Options Do I Have For Adoption?

[Mom0012]

I am 41 and have been wanting to have at least one more child for a number of years. However, I am chronically ill with lyme disease and my doctor feels it would be very risky for me to have another baby (the baby would likely be sick). I'd been hoping that I would be able to knock this disease out of my system and have another one before it's too late, but I can see that isn't going to happen.

 

Anyway, we do not have a lot of extra money at this point, so we cannot pay thousands for an adoption. Like many, I am interested in adopting a baby rather than an older child. My husband is going to be 47 this year so I know from the little I've heard here and there that our ages may be a problem as well. Lastly, my husband has prediabetes and is on a number of medications because of this and because of a strong family history of heart attacks. Are there any options out there for people like us or do I just need to let this go?

 

Lisa

 

ETA: Even though I have lyme, I am pretty much symptom free as long as I take my medication, so I am able to function well and have a normal life. It's just that I can't stop taking antibiotics or my symptoms return.

[bethben]

You may want to look into foster to adopt programs. They can be free programs, but you do take a risk that the baby that is placed with you will be returned to their bio parents or relatives. We adopted from China almost a year ago now and they have restrictions about the health of the parent. You also have to be willing to accept a child with medical issues.

 

Beth

[texasmama]

:grouphug:You can explore a CPS adoption (through the state foster care system), though it is sometimes hard to get a baby in your situation. There are many older children available for adoption (sibling groups or single children). With older or "hard to adopt" kids (i.e. sibling groups), there are sometimes adoption subsidies. Adoption through the foster care system costs very little. It is something to explore if you decide you are open to an older child.

[Sue G in PA]

I can't say what restrictions there are, but I have heard that adoptions from Ethiopia are up right now. Some countries have little to no restrictions b/c of the sheer number of children up for adoption. Good luck to you! Also check into Shaohannah's Hope for adoption grants. I think they still do them...up to $10K I believe it was.

[MaMa2005]

International adoptions are going to be expensive even if you get a grant. Age and/or health requirements are going to knock you out of a good number of countries. Also, you aren't going to get a tiny baby from international adoption as it takes time to get the child paper ready as well as time for you to jump through the hoops after your child is referred to you.

 

Domestic adoption is a much better choice and can cost very little money.

[Mom0012]

:grouphug:You can explore a CPS adoption (through the state foster care system), though it is sometimes hard to get a baby in your situation. There are many older children available for adoption (sibling groups or single children). With older or "hard to adopt" kids (i.e. sibling groups), there are sometimes adoption subsidies. Adoption through the foster care system costs very little. It is something to explore if you decide you are open to an older child.

 

Thank you. Yes, I have pretty much been thinking it would probably have to be through CPS and I wondered if they would even consider us for a baby. At this point, I do not want to adopt an older child. My kids are 8 and 10 and I really want to take another child through the early years again. That is where my desire is. I feel kind of scared about bringing CPS into my home, since I have two other children. It is definitely something I have been considering looking into though.

 

Lisa

Edited July 10, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

International adoptions are going to be expensive even if you get a grant. Age and/or health requirements are going to knock you out of a good number of countries. Also, you aren't going to get a tiny baby from international adoption as it takes time to get the child paper ready as well as time for you to jump through the hoops after your child is referred to you.

 

Domestic adoption is a much better choice and can cost very little money.

 

Do you mean through CPS only or what about open adoptions? I'm suspecting open adoptions are very expensive, but that is a route we would be willing to go as well.

 

Lisa

Edited July 10, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

I can't say what restrictions there are, but I have heard that adoptions from Ethiopia are up right now. Some countries have little to no restrictions b/c of the sheer number of children up for adoption. Good luck to you! Also check into Shaohannah's Hope for adoption grants. I think they still do them...up to $10K I believe it was.

 

Yes, someone on the SL forums just adopted a beautiful little baby girl from Ethiopia. I suspect it would be out of our financial reach though unless we were able to get some sort of aid to do it. I will look into the grants you mentioned.

 

Thank you!

Lisa

[Julie in Austin]

I feel kind of scared about bringing CPS into my home, since I have two other children.

 

We became foster parents with the goal of adopting last year. I was worried about this, too, but then I realized that people who regularly deal with mothers leaving infants ALONE while on drug binges aren't particularly interested in whether we skipped Latin yesterday because we had to get to judo on time.

 

That said, and not wanting to discourage you, we decided not to continue after accepting a few placements. The main reason was that we felt that CPS was not completely honest (and that's putting it mildly) with us because they were so focused on finding a placement for the children.

 

In other words, you should be "scared" of CPS for entirely different reasons.

[Murmer]

Domestic adoption may be your best option but it really depends on if you can afford it (the average cost is 30,000 for a healthy white baby), they are also really pushing for open adoptions. The average wait is also 2 years so your dh will be almost 50. If your doctor can assure the homestudy agency that your lyme disease and husband's prediabetes is under control and not a threat toward raising a healthy child your health should not be a problem. A couple of strikes against you are age, and 2 bio children BUT miracles happen in adoption all the time and a birthmom who wanted no kids will see something in your profile and know you are the parents for her child. The more open you are the sooner it could happen so consider your racial preferences (are you open to African -American or biracial), openess with birthfamily (the more closed you want the longer you will wait), and special needs including drug exposure and medically correctable diagnosis. All things to consider.

[MotherMayI]

Foster/adoption brought us our beautiful now 2yo dd. Our experience was exceptional (and not typicaly I am sure). Although the adoption was through the state we were represented by 2 private agencies (one our licensing agency and the other our adoption agency) so we had a lot of support to prevent any dishonesty or game playing by the state. I picked up our dd when she was one day old from the hospital. She was legally free at 4 months and the adoption was finalized when she was 8 months old. While we did have to pay for a few things along the way like fingerprints, FBI check, lawyer- all the expenses were refunded to us in the end and we also received the $10,000+ tax credit. My daughter also has her medical expenses taken care of until she is 18 years old. As far as bringing CPS into your home I can only speak for our experience. All of our social workers became an extended part of our family and we love them. They were wonderful with our other dc, and there were days that my dc did not behave- fought with each other- or said things that made me cringe.

 

Foster/Adoption is a risk, but there are risks with child birth too. I recommend you research your state and see how friendly it is toward F/A.

 

Feel free to pm me if you have any questions. I have absolutely no regrets and I count my blessings every day.

 

ETA: The photo in my avatar is all my dc on adoption day!

Edited July 10, 2010 by MotherMayI

[1dawn]

I'm not sure how common this is, but it worked out for my sister-in-law. She told everyone that she wanted to adopt, and was going through the process of fostering classes/ approval. She hadn't even finished that process when she heard from someone at her church that this person knew of a young lady in her twenties that was pregnant and didn't want to keep the baby. (Apparently this young lady had already given up three babies.) That person (from the church) gave her phone number to my sister-in-law. Within a couple of months and with a lawyer drawing up papers for them, my sister-in-law and her dh took the baby home straight from the hospital the day after birth. After a certain period (I think it was six months), they had to go before a judge to make the adoption official. I think the whole process cost them $1200 (to the lawyer that drew up papers), and I believe they got it back as a tax deduction. So my advice is to tell everyone you know that you'd love to adopt. A young lady may be waiting for you. I'll keep you in my prayers, and good luck!

[KrissiK]

There are different options open to you. We've adopted three children so far and would like to adopt more. Here's just my opinion and why we chose the route we did. Take it or leave it.

 

We adopted our children through the fost-adopt program through our county. Our boys are bio-sibs, 9 months apart, we adopted them when they were 13 months and 4 months old. Our daughter we picked her up at the hospital at 2 days old, Safe Surrender Baby. These are extremely rare. The reason we chose fost-adopt:

1) It's free. In fact, they pay you while the child is still in the foster care system.

2) We wanted a domestic adoption - get more info on the children.

 

Difficulties with fost-adopt:

1) Regulations and red-tape. It's insane while they are in the foster care system. There are rules about everything from discipline to cutting the child's hair.

2) It's takes a long long time. With our first adoptions we were placed very quickly, but we've been waiting for 3 years now to adopt again.

3) You're more likely to get placed if you'll take a sibling group. Which is part of the reason, I think, it's taken so long this time. We wanted a single. Well, actually, we said we'd take a sibling group, but you cannot have more than 2 children in a room and unless both children are under the age of 5 they have to be the same gender.

4) It's messy. The goal of the system is to reunify with the birth parents, so you would probably have to deal with visitation with birth parents, and the chance that some relative somewhere will surface and the kids would go with them.

 

We didn't choose private because:

1) cost

2) didn't want an open adoption

 

We didn't choose international because:

1) Cost

2) Don't really know the background on the kids, don't trust the agencies

3) My cousins had a very very bad experience with a Ukrainian adoption

 

So, that's what we did and why. I hope if you do decide to adopt you have a wonderful experience. One thing, too, though, is that noone's experience is the same as anyone else's. Just becuase X happened to one person doesn't mean it's going to happen to you.

[Tap]

DD3 is foster/adopt. The process was easy and having the caseworkers in our lives was no problem at all. They were kind and encouraging. They were thoughtful and pleasant. I think that for us, that the caseworkers see so much negative (the birth parents world) that for them, the stronger foster families are a breath of fresh air.

 

Ours were very, very easy going. They never even asked to go into the home past the living room.

 

DD3 came to us a 5mths (she is my great-niece). She went into care from birth, but stayed 5mths with my mother (her great-grandma) until we could get clearance to take her from Oregon to Washington. We had to go through some extra steps due to the dual state process. We did weekly visitation with her bio-parents until 1.5 years and the bio-parents reduced visitations due to various reasons. They fought to the end to get her back, but we finalized on her the month she turned 2yo.

 

The bio-father has had contact with her until he dropped out of sight 6mths ago. I hope he shows up again, for us, his presence has been positive.

 

The bio-mother (my niece) hasn't had contact in almost 2 years. She called on Christmas to tell me that she had another baby, but hasn't called again.

 

DD3 is drug/alcohol affected. It is not a dreamy world that we live in. She is a tremendous amount of work. Much, much more than we ever dreamed of. We were aware of the risks of adoption, but living with it, is another story.

 

 

I suggest that you at least start the process with the state. You can stop at any time. But it will at least get you moving forward and by taking the classes, you will if you are comfortable with the process.

[Mom0012]

Thank you so much, ladies! I really have been encouraged by reading your experiences with adoption. Financially, we are at a point where I'm even worried about getting the money together to get the things I'd need to set up a new baby's room, so it really looks like our best bet is going to be through the foster care system. I'm going to talk this over with my husband and I have an acquaintance who adopted a sibling group this way, so I'm going to see if she'll sit down with me so I can find out what's really involved in our area.

 

My husband and I have always thought about offering foster care when our own children are grown, but I never thought about that as being the way to go for adoption. You've given me a lot to think about.

 

Lisa

[misidawnrn]

We had a private open adoption. I knew the BM from work. Our expenses were not bad compared to going with an agency.

homestudy $1300

lawyer $1200

background check $40.00 each

birthmother counseling $300

 

 

You might put the word out to family, friends, coworkers, church etc that you would like to adopt.

[annandatje]

How debilitating is your chronic Lyme illness? What is your long term prognosis?

 

The most critical question would be whether you reasonably foresee being able to meet the physical demands of rearing a child up through young adulthood and self-sufficiency.

[Impish]

I know that here they also check out your finances, and that you are expected to provide the furniture, etc. I've heard from some foster and foster to adopt parents in the States that the amt they spend on the child far exceeds any stipend they've ever received.

 

Keep in mind that the children are in foster care for a reason. Be it drug exposure, neglect, abuse...even infants have a time of adjustment. Its not an easy road, but for so many families, very worth every step.

 

Oh, and to add...you'll need approval from an agency (home inspection, etc) regardless of how you choose to adopt, as far as I'm aware.

[Garga]

There have been a couple of threads about serious (serious, serious) problems with adoption. You'll want to go in with your eyes open. This doesn't mean I'm saying don't do it. But, just understand the seriousness of it.

 

Here and here are the scary threads.

[Teachin'Mine]

Your ages wouldn't be a problem adopting from China. They actually prefer parents to be older - over 35. I do know that they have concerns about parents' health, but if you have a good doctor who is willing to word things properly, that may not be a problem. Talking with an adoption group would probably be a good idea. The cost is roughly that of a new car. Some cars are more or less expensive, and some agencies have higher or lower fees. Those associated with a religious group tend to have very reasonable fees.

 

I hope that you are able to add another little one to your family. :grouphug:

[Mom0012]

How debilitating is your chronic Lyme illness? What is your long term prognosis?

 

The most critical question would be whether you reasonably foresee being able to meet the physical demands of rearing a child up through young adulthood and self-sufficiency.

 

At this point, it is not debilitating at all. I am in "remission" as long as I continue to take my medication. I just cannot get off the medication without the symptoms returning. From what I have read, it is not unusual to be on antiobiotics for about 4 years before being able to stop them, but nobody really knows how long it will take for me.

 

I am very active and I expect to live a full life.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

I know that here they also check out your finances, and that you are expected to provide the furniture, etc. I've heard from some foster and foster to adopt parents in the States that the amt they spend on the child far exceeds any stipend they've ever received.

 

Keep in mind that the children are in foster care for a reason. Be it drug exposure, neglect, abuse...even infants have a time of adjustment. Its not an easy road, but for so many families, very worth every step.

 

Oh, and to add...you'll need approval from an agency (home inspection, etc) regardless of how you choose to adopt, as far as I'm aware.

 

Actually, I should clarify that overall we are in very good shape financially -- very small mortgage, adequate savings in retirement, no other debt, excellent credit rating. It's just that it's getting harder and to live within my husband's income since it keeps shrinking between inflation, raises that are less than the increases in our health care premiums, etc. We have a nice home, so I don't think that will be a problem. I just don't have a lot of expendable income at this point, so I really have to plan for major expenses.

 

Lisa

Edited July 11, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

There have been a couple of threads about serious (serious, serious) problems with adoption. You'll want to go in with your eyes open. This doesn't mean I'm saying don't do it. But, just understand the seriousness of it.

 

Here and here are the scary threads.

 

Yes, I have read these and that's why I'm not willing to consider an older child while I have other children in our home. It seems if I can get over my fear of social workers, foster care would actually be a "safer" way to adopt since I'm thinking we'd have the child with us for quite some time before things became finalized.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

Your ages wouldn't be a problem adopting from China. They actually prefer parents to be older - over 35. I do know that they have concerns about parents' health' date=' but if you have a good doctor who is willing to word things properly, that may not be a problem. Talking with an adoption group would probably be a good idea. The cost is roughly that of a new car. Some cars are more or less expensive, and some agencies have higher or lower fees. Those associated with a religious group tend to have very reasonable fees.

 

I hope that you are able to add another little one to your family. :grouphug:[/quote']

 

Thank you!

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

We had a private open adoption. I knew the BM from work. Our expenses were not bad compared to going with an agency.

homestudy $1300

lawyer $1200

background check $40.00 each

birthmother counseling $300

 

 

You might put the word out to family, friends, coworkers, church etc that you would like to adopt.

 

This would be a dream come true!

 

Lisa

[Tap]

Yes, I have read these and that's why I'm not willing to consider an older child while I have other children in our home. It seems if I can get over my fear of social workers, foster care would actually be a "safer" way to adopt since I'm thinking we'd have the child with us for quite some time before things became finalized.

 

Lisa

 

This seems like it would help in some cases, but with a younger child it is hard to differentiate between normal difficult-toddler behavior and issues that may not be easily resolved or at all. Every child changes so much month to month in these early years, it is hard to say what is a stage and what is part of the bigger picture. The federal courts have a law that any child that has been out of the bio-parents care for (I think I remember right) 15 of 18 months and the child can be placed for adoption (sooner in cases where the bio-parent signs off). That 15mth time line, can come really, really fast when you are trying to decide if the child is one that you will be open to adopting. The courts want children in permanent homes, so they don't let them linger in foster care like they used to. Unfortunately, that can be right at 15-18mths and you don't really know what the child will be like or what other issues are lurking for many years to come. DD3 was just beginning to show her true colors around 2yo and every month since then her picture is becoming clearer and clearer (not for the better-she maybe getting medicated this year...at 3.5yo! due to violence aimed at others).

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

While waiting for adoption options to become clear, perhaps you could fill your desire for for an infant by volunteering in some capacity. I know some hospitals still recruit volunteers to rock babies, perhaps a young mother near you would appreciate a break from her infant, or you could find some outlet through your church.

[astrid]

It's just that it's getting harder and to live within my husband's income since it keeps shrinking between inflation, raises that are less than the increases in our health care premiums, etc. We have a nice home, so I don't think that will be a problem. I just don't have a lot of expendable income at this point, so I really have to plan for major expenses.

 

Lisa

 

I"m saying this gently, truly I am, but if it's getting harder and harder to meet expenses now, and health care premiums for your existing family are increasing faster than pay raises, won't it be considerably more difficult to add another dependent? I know I don't need to tell you this, but another child IS a major expense-- for at least the next 18 years. I'm sure you've thought about the financial implications of adopting a child, but from what you're saying here, it sounds like your hands are pretty full.

 

Peace,

astrid

[texasmama]

Yes, I have read these and that's why I'm not willing to consider an older child while I have other children in our home. It seems if I can get over my fear of social workers, foster care would actually be a "safer" way to adopt since I'm thinking we'd have the child with us for quite some time before things became finalized.

 

Lisa

 

 

Lisa, I'm a social worker with a background in working in the foster care/adoption arena (including CPS and private foster care agencies). I've done home studies, and I have done therapy with a lot of children in adoptive homes/foster home. I'm not scary at all.:D

 

Children are expensive little things, of course, but if you adopt through the state system, depending on the state you are in, it is possible for the child to receive Medicaid through the age of 18. Sometimes adoption subsidies are given, though usually for "hard to place" kids. The younger a child is, the less likely of a severe attachment disorder, in my experience, but it is also difficult to determine the affects of in utero drugs/alcohol exposure in a younger child. Problems may emerge in the early or mid elementary years. That said, I gave birth to my four children, who have no history of in utero drug/alcohol exposure, and one has learning disabilities and another was born with bilateral clubfoot. One has had health problems that have cost us about $10,000 out of pocket after medical insurance in the first two years of her life. Ouch. :001_huh: You never know what you are going to get even if you supply the genetics and the environment from conception on. Not trying to convince anyone to adopt a child without considering all of the ramifications first, of course, but just wanting to point out the other "side".:001_smile:

[Mom0012]

This seems like it would help in some cases, but with a younger child it is hard to differentiate between normal difficult-toddler behavior and issues that may not be easily resolved or at all. Every child changes so much month to month in these early years, it is hard to say what is a stage and what is part of the bigger picture. The federal courts have a law that any child that has been out of the bio-parents care for (I think I remember right) 15 of 18 months and the child can be placed for adoption (sooner in cases where the bio-parent signs off). That 15mth time line, can come really, really fast when you are trying to decide if the child is one that you will be open to adopting. The courts want children in permanent homes, so they don't let them linger in foster care like they used to. Unfortunately, that can be right at 15-18mths and you don't really know what the child will be like or what other issues are lurking for many years to come. DD3 was just beginning to show her true colors around 2yo and every month since then her picture is becoming clearer and clearer (not for the better-she maybe getting medicated this year...at 3.5yo! due to violence aimed at others).

 

This is good to know. I do have a son with special needs, so I guess I was thinking it was likely that I would recognize the signs, but I'm sure I could miss them as well if the issues were totally different.

[Mom0012]

While waiting for adoption options to become clear, perhaps you could fill your desire for for an infant by volunteering in some capacity. I know some hospitals still recruit volunteers to rock babies, perhaps a young mother near you would appreciate a break from her infant, or you could find some outlet through your church.

 

My brother and SIL just had their first baby and I get my hands on her every chance I can get. I think this is actually what is really pushing me to take action since I know I am running out of time. I feel such joy when I am around their little daughter.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

I"m saying this gently, truly I am, but if it's getting harder and harder to meet expenses now, and health care premiums for your existing family are increasing faster than pay raises, won't it be considerably more difficult to add another dependent? I know I don't need to tell you this, but another child IS a major expense-- for at least the next 18 years. I'm sure you've thought about the financial implications of adopting a child, but from what you're saying here, it sounds like your hands are pretty full.

 

Peace,

astrid

 

Yes, I know this is true. I remember very well how expensive diapers and formula and preschool were. I guess I've talked with my mom about it and she always says she was glad she was young when she had her children because she didn't have much money and she didn't worry about every little thing and all worked out fine.

 

I'm so conservative and such a worrier, I passed on having a baby 6 years ago when I probably could have because I was worried about the history of breast cancer in my family, heart disease in my husband's, paying for college, that I might have another special needs child I couldn't handle, and on and on. So, I lost my chance.

 

It will be a struggle financially, but I am a CPA and have been thinking about either working tax seasons or offering before school child care to lighten our burden financially anyway. It's just a little scary to think of doing that after being home for 10 years. Having another child would definitely be the staw that breaks the camel's back though and would force me to take on some sort of work.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

Lisa, I'm a social worker with a background in working in the foster care/adoption arena (including CPS and private foster care agencies). I've done home studies, and I have done therapy with a lot of children in adoptive homes/foster home. I'm not scary at all.:D

 

Children are expensive little things, of course, but if you adopt through the state system, depending on the state you are in, it is possible for the child to receive Medicaid through the age of 18. Sometimes adoption subsidies are given, though usually for "hard to place" kids. The younger a child is, the less likely of a severe attachment disorder, in my experience, but it is also difficult to determine the affects of in utero drugs/alcohol exposure in a younger child. Problems may emerge in the early or mid elementary years. That said, I gave birth to my four children, who have no history of in utero drug/alcohol exposure, and one has learning disabilities and another was born with bilateral clubfoot. One has had health problems that have cost us about $10,000 out of pocket after medical insurance in the first two years of her life. Ouch. :001_huh: You never know what you are going to get even if you supply the genetics and the environment from conception on. Not trying to convince anyone to adopt a child without considering all of the ramifications first, of course, but just wanting to point out the other "side".:001_smile:

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I totally agree about there being no guarantees ever. My son is doing well now, but has had significant problems that I never expected whereas my daughter has none. Foster care adoption may not be for us, but I am really feeling that we will at least be taking steps to look into it.

 

Lisa

[astrid]

 

Having another child would definitely be the staw that breaks the camel's back though and would force me to take on some sort of work.

 

Lisa

 

Perhaps it would be wise to consider the feelings of the camel? How would that affect your existing family and the lifestyle they lead? Going back to work AND taking on the needs of an infant simultaneously really sounds like a lot to me, for all involved.

 

I know you'll make the right decision for your family.

 

astrid

[natalie]

Hi Lisa,

 

I don't mean to get offtrack from your adoption question (sorry, I don't know anything about that), but I did want to tell you about my experience with lyme disease and pregnancy.

 

I had lyme disease prior to getting pregnant with my first dc, but didn't know it at the time. I had the bullseye rash a few months before getting pregnant but didn't know about lyme disease. During my pregnancy I was miserable with all sorts of ailments. I just thought it was part of being pregnant and assumed that I was just a major wimp!

 

I got pregnant with second dc 3 months later, so still attributed my worsening health to the pregnancy. After birth of second dc, however, I continued to get worse, rather than improve as I had hoped.

 

It got really, really bad. I was SO scared. I saw so many doctors. They kept telling me it was in my head (nevermind the test results, or physical proof; one dr did test me for lyme - it came back positive, but he told me it was probably just a false positive!) or that I was just "severely depressed" (dh still laughs about that one!). Finally, I found a dr who took me seriously, diagnosed me with lyme disease, and began me on antibiotic treatment.

 

[i should mention here that my first 2 dc do have problems.]

 

When I was being treated, I became pregnant (unplanned). My doctor had me continue with antibiotics throughout the pregnancy; he did change them, though, to ones that were "safer" for use in pregnancy. I had a boy who has absolutely no problems, other than some hyperactivity.

 

I had another pregnancy while still being treated for lyme. Again, he kept me on meds, but switched to "safer" ones. I had another boy who has absolutely no problems.

 

While I was on the antibiotics, I improved. Not immediately - it was more like "one step forward, two steps back", "three steps forward, two steps back", etc. There were a couple times we thought I had finally beaten it, only to start feeling worse again during attempts to stop the meds.

 

After my fourth dc, my dr was going to attempt to stop the meds again, but I got pregnant again :D, and he kept me on the antibiotics (he switched me to the "safer" ones again) "just to be sure".

 

After baby #5 I finally was able to stop the meds! I still have some lasting problems that I will probably be stuck with forever, but it's NOTHING compared to what I had gone through. I have been off my meds for almost 6 years now (and I have had two more healthy babies!)

 

Even though I had lyme disease, I had three children while being treated - all perfectly healthy. The only ones who have problems are the first two who were conceived and carried while I was sick, but before I knew what was wrong.

 

I don't know the particulars of your illness obviously, so it's very possible my story is irrelevant. I just wanted to let you know that I have been in a similar situation, and possibly all hope is not lost.

 

You might want to talk to a different doctor (yes, I realize that's a lot easier said than done with lyme disease :)). I was lucky I guess. My doctor's wife had a very similar situation, and he treated me just as he treated her.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes,

[Mom0012]

Hi Lisa,

 

I don't mean to get offtrack from your adoption question (sorry, I don't know anything about that), but I did want to tell you about my experience with lyme disease and pregnancy.

 

I had lyme disease prior to getting pregnant with my first dc, but didn't know it at the time. I had the bullseye rash a few months before getting pregnant but didn't know about lyme disease. During my pregnancy I was miserable with all sorts of ailments. I just thought it was part of being pregnant and assumed that I was just a major wimp!

 

I got pregnant with second dc 3 months later, so still attributed my worsening health to the pregnancy. After birth of second dc, however, I continued to get worse, rather than improve as I had hoped.

 

It got really, really bad. I was SO scared. I saw so many doctors. They kept telling me it was in my head (nevermind the test results, or physical proof; one dr did test me for lyme - it came back positive, but he told me it was probably just a false positive!) or that I was just "severely depressed" (dh still laughs about that one!). Finally, I found a dr who took me seriously, diagnosed me with lyme disease, and began me on antibiotic treatment.

 

[i should mention here that my first 2 dc do have problems.]

 

When I was being treated, I became pregnant (unplanned). My doctor had me continue with antibiotics throughout the pregnancy; he did change them, though, to ones that were "safer" for use in pregnancy. I had a boy who has absolutely no problems, other than some hyperactivity.

 

I had another pregnancy while still being treated for lyme. Again, he kept me on meds, but switched to "safer" ones. I had another boy who has absolutely no problems.

 

While I was on the antibiotics, I improved. Not immediately - it was more like "one step forward, two steps back", "three steps forward, two steps back", etc. There were a couple times we thought I had finally beaten it, only to start feeling worse again during attempts to stop the meds.

 

After my fourth dc, my dr was going to attempt to stop the meds again, but I got pregnant again :D, and he kept me on the antibiotics (he switched me to the "safer" ones again) "just to be sure".

 

After baby #5 I finally was able to stop the meds! I still have some lasting problems that I will probably be stuck with forever, but it's NOTHING compared to what I had gone through. I have been off my meds for almost 6 years now (and I have had two more healthy babies!)

 

Even though I had lyme disease, I had three children while being treated - all perfectly healthy. The only ones who have problems are the first two who were conceived and carried while I was sick, but before I knew what was wrong.

 

I don't know the particulars of your illness obviously, so it's very possible my story is irrelevant. I just wanted to let you know that I have been in a similar situation, and possibly all hope is not lost.

 

You might want to talk to a different doctor (yes, I realize that's a lot easier said than done with lyme disease :)). I was lucky I guess. My doctor's wife had a very similar situation, and he treated me just as he treated her.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes,

 

Natalie -

 

Thanks for sharing your story. It is very encouraging to hear you are off all meds at this point -- and for 6 years! That's great! What were the antibiotics you used during your pregnancy? My doctor said if we could get my symptoms under control off meds, then he would put me an amoxicillan during a pregnancy and he felt confident all would be fine. So far, the disease seems to just lurk just below the surface though because even a week off medication brings on a return of symptoms. I've used amoxicillan in the past just for the summer because I have trouble with photosensitivity with my other medications, but my symptoms get steadily worse while on that particular drug. The medications I am currently on that keep my symptoms at bay would cause birth defects.

 

I have two friends that have both had babies while they have had active cases of lyme. All of their children have lyme disease. The one friend has 2 children and they did not exhibit any symptoms until they were about 5 or so. The other person I know is more of an acquaintance, so I don't know her full story, but I know she just had another baby, who she hopes is healthy, but all of her other children (3) have lyme and have a lot of trouble with their joints and fatigue. I don't know if she was on treatment though when she had those children. She was being treated while pregnant with her last child.

 

I have thought about checking with another doctor (if I could find one), and the acquaintance who just had another baby was really encouraging me to go for it, but so far I've been too scared to do that, especially considering my doctor feels so strongly about it.

 

It is helpful to hear what happened with you, though. If you don't mind, I'd love to know what antibiotics you used during your pregnacy and the name of your doctor. You could PM me if you are wiling to share that information but don't want to post it on the board.

 

Thank you!

Lisa

[Mom0012]

Perhaps it would be wise to consider the feelings of the camel? How would that affect your existing family and the lifestyle they lead? Going back to work AND taking on the needs of an infant simultaneously really sounds like a lot to me, for all involved.

 

I know you'll make the right decision for your family.

 

astrid

 

Very true, and it's something I am considering very carefully before making any decisions. It just seems that it is inevitable that I will need to pick up some work in the near future but a baby would still bring us all so much joy.

 

Lisa

[In2why]

Very true, and it's something I am considering very carefully before making any decisions. It just seems that it is inevitable that I will need to pick up some work in the near future but a baby would still bring us all so much joy.

 

Lisa

 

 

I am a biological, adoptive, and Foster mother. With that said I think adoption is wonderful and I can't imagine not having these children in my life. But....and there is always a but....I think sometimes the desire to have another child in our lives can overshadow the reality. All children are a blessing, but in the situation you descibe I can't imagine you being able to economically afford to adopt in any situation other than an older or special needs child. Those children are a blessing too, but often the blessing is disguised really really well. Because there are also trials and tribulations. Any Foster to adopt child that comes into your home has the possibility and even the desired 'goal' of being reunited with biological family unless there is no other alternative. That means you and your family are at a risk of bonding with a child knowing that you might never see the child again. Or it could mean having a biological Mom do just enough to keep her parental rights while you do the actual parenting. Then there are older children in real need of a home, who might or might not have severe special needs or at the very least severe emotional needs. Ask any mother of a Rad child and they will try to explain how it feels to know that no matter what you do, or how much you love that child, the most you ever hope for is respect, because the child doesn't have the capacity to love. I am not trying to discourage you, in fact I pray and hope all the time for more parents willing to take a domestic child and provide a family. But it should never be based on what you can get from a child, but what you have to give a child, because as with most children you give a lot of giving. Another option is whether you are open of a child of color, because often just being born a minority qualifies as a special needs adoption and homes for those babies are hard to find because prospective parents will go overseas if possible...sometimes because they are drawn to a particular culture and sometimes because then they don't have to worry about birthfamily (of course they will still worry, and the birthfamily will always be the boogie man in the closet instead of a real life possible mess, but that is a while other thread). But my reason for bringing this up is that we adopted our youngest son as a healthy newborn and it was very easy and quite inexpensive because he is biracial. We went through The Children's Home Society of Virginia (love them) and it took less than a year and less than 2k including our homestudy and attorney fees. But then you have to examine your ideas about race, your families feelings, and your community. Adoption is wonderful, but adoption is not an easy way to add to a family.

Good luck in whatever you decide and if you want more info about adoption I would suggest a couple of books.

http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Young-Children-about-Adoption/dp/0300063172/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278879784&sr=8-1

 

http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278879784&sr=8-2

 

http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Thoughts-Adoptive-Mother-Wolff/dp/0967214319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278879849&sr=1-1

 

http://www.amazon.com/Open-Adoption-Experience-Complete-Adoptive/dp/0060969571/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278879897&sr=1-1

 

and :001_smile:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Birthmother-Kathleen-Silber/dp/0931722209/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278879897&sr=1-6

[Denisemomof4]

if finances are a concern, I think foster to adopt is the only way you're going to be able to go. I don't know if they will adopt to a couple with health concerns, though. I only have experience adopting internationally.

 

Please never consider adopting an older child. It seems like you don't want to , but don't change your mind if you're denied a baby because of your health. Adopting an older child is a very, very, very difficult thing to do, and I fear the stress of it can cause your health to spiral. That regularly happens even to healthy parents.

:grouphug:

[at the beach]

I think foster to adopt would be a good way to go. Also, when you foster to adopt, you will have the child in your home and you'll know yourself how it's working out for you all and whether it could be a good fit for your family. Also, there is a lot of support with fostering, including financial. There would also be a lot involved with training beforehand but if you are all on board, it could work out fine. If you decide at some point that it's just not for you, then you can change your mind about foster parenting. Maybe you'll do it for a while and decide that you don't like it right now due to the demands but that you might like to do it later when your kids are older or your health stronger. Also, the CPS social workers I know (and I know many) are wonderful. They're very supportive of foster parents who are trying to give kids a safe and loving home. I don't think you have anything to fear on that count. I will also add that I have seen older kids enter foster care and do beautifully. Yes, here can be issues but it's not always like that.