Invited to cook out, told to bring nothing - what do I bring?

[3lilreds in NC]

Because, of course, I can't show up with NOTHING.

 

Should I get some 2 liters of pop (soda, for you less northern folks) and chill them? Chips and dip?

 

I know they will have EVERYTHING. They are excellent hosts. I just can't show up empty-handed. It goes against my nature. Plus, we live in the south now, and I'm sure it would be rude, too. Help!

[StephanieZ]

If you or the hosts drink alcohol, then wine +/- 6 (or 12 if you're big drinkers) nice beers is always good!

 

If alcohol is a no-no, then a hostess gift is in order. . . So, a bouquet of flowers, or a nice plant, or a box of chocolates, or a fancy candle/soap kind of thing. . . google up "hostess gift" and I'm sure someone has better ideas. I always go with wine +/- beer. :)

[3lilreds in NC]

I have no idea what they drink. I will go get some flowers. And some pop. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

If you or the hosts drink alcohol, then wine +/- 6 (or 12 if you're big drinkers) nice beers is always good!

 

If alcohol is a no-no, then a hostess gift is in order. . . So, a bouquet of flowers, or a nice plant, or a box of chocolates, or a fancy candle/soap kind of thing. . . google up "hostess gift" and I'm sure someone has better ideas. I always go with wine +/- beer. :)

 

:iagree:

[ChristusG]

I'd probably bring a dessert. There can never be too many dessert choices. :D

[TN Mama]

We're going to a cookout and I was asked to make a dessert, but this family always hosts, so I'll be bringing the dessert as well as some good quality paper plates & napkins. That way if they need extra for today they have them or they can put them up until the next get together.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I usually bring juice because there is usually tons of pop but no juice for those who don't want the HFCS or sugar.

[athena1277]

I'd probably bring a dessert. There can never be too many dessert choices. :D

 

:iagree:Dessert is always good.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I have no idea what they drink. I will go get some flowers. And some pop. :D

 

Since you made the statement that you now live in the south let me warn you not to show up and proclaim you brought pop! I know you know this as well but soda doesn't really work anywhere in the south I've lived. Just call them all coke. ;) (yes, I know we've had this conversation often here :) )

 

I do think some cokes and flowers would be perfect. I'd be happy.

[Harriet Vane]

I usually bring flowers in this situation.

[Julie in CA]

Honestly, I wouldn't bring a food dish if the hostess has asked you not to. Even a dessert may "compete" with whatever she's made.

I'd definitely show up with a big, beautiful bouquet of flowers. :001_smile:

If they're people who drink wine, I'd bring a bottle for them to use another time (along with the flowers).

 

ETA: I don't think I'd bring pop/soda, because they may not be serving that, and I don't think I'd bring juice. I often pick drinks intentionally, and most of the time it's lemonade, because it doesn't stain surfaces, clothing, or kids' skin. :-)

Edited July 3, 2010 by Julie in CA

[Mrs Mungo]

Honestly, I wouldn't bring a food dish if the hostess has asked you not to. Even a dessert may "compete" with whatever she's made.

I'd definitely show up with a big, beautiful bouquet of flowers. :001_smile:

If they're people who drink wine, I'd bring a bottle for them to use another time (along with the flowers).

 

ETA: I don't think I'd bring pop/soda, because they may not be serving that, and I don't think I'd bring juice. I often pick drinks intentionally, and most of the time it's lemonade, because it doesn't stain surfaces, clothing, or kids' skin. :-)

 

I agree about bringing food/drinks when you've been asked not to. Also, you don't always know about food allergies, hopefully the hostess does. For example, my son is allergic to apples and pears, and we avoid most juice.

[KJB]

If it's for the 4th, bring a bouquet of sparklers along with other legal small fireworks.

 

Otherwise, here are some ideas for hostess gifts: flowers, wine, tea towels, guest book if the event is large enough, soaps, good coffee with a small bottle of Bailey's for after dinner, fresh veggies from your garden or maybe something small and handmade.

 

Also, you could just bring a camera and take pics and then send them to the hostess or make a small printed photo book as a thank you.

[Jan in SC]

I agree with those saying don't bring food or drinks. I completely agree with the -everything is coke!!! Juice is not a party choice around here, but there are always iced bottled waters.

 

If this is a family event, I would take something fun for the kids. Go to a store like party city and get some 4th of July temporary tattoos or beaded necklaces. They have tons of little things like those. Even a bunch of sparklers would be fun! Flowers would be nice, but if this person really entertains, then she has centerpieces.

[Cindyg]

If they said to bring nothing, I'd bring nothing.

[JenneinCA]

Nothing.

 

This etiquette stuff when you are supposed to read someone's mind and do what they have said not to do is... crazy.

[StephanieZ]

Honestly, I wouldn't bring a food dish if the hostess has asked you not to.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It can be considered either rude or at least inappropriate to bring food if someone has a meal planned. If she's made a simple cobbler and icecream . . . and you bring a fabulous cake that everyone raves about, that makes her look/feel bad. If you bring a coolwhip/pudding mold thing and she's serving chocolate molten cakes with homemade berry puree and home made whipped cream, well, you look like a hick. (I like all those desserts, so no insult intended!) Some people are very particular about their menu, theme, maybe dietary preferences (organic, vegetarian, no sugar, whatever) or maybe are trying to make sure that the entire meal is edible by a certain guest with restrictions (their 4 yo can't eat wheat and might throw a tantrum if he sees a dessert he can't have. . .)

 

So, anyway. . . stick with a "hostess gift" that is NOT intended to be consumed at that event. . . unless directed otherwise or you know the hosts well enough to be flexible.

[RanchGirl]

flowers, sparklers, or a hostess type gift sounds lovely! Or perhaps a bottle of wine for them to enjoy another time. I wouldn't bring soda or food since she asked you not to, but I do agree with not showing up empty handed either.

[AuntieM]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It can be considered either rude or at least inappropriate to bring food if someone has a meal planned. If she's made a simple cobbler and icecream . . . and you bring a fabulous cake that everyone raves about, that makes her look/feel bad. If you bring a coolwhip/pudding mold thing and she's serving chocolate molten cakes with homemade berry puree and home made whipped cream, well, you look like a hick. (I like all those desserts, so no insult intended!) Some people are very particular about their menu, theme, maybe dietary preferences (organic, vegetarian, no sugar, whatever) or maybe are trying to make sure that the entire meal is edible by a certain guest with restrictions (their 4 yo can't eat wheat and might throw a tantrum if he sees a dessert he can't have. . .)

 

So, anyway. . . stick with a "hostess gift" that is NOT intended to be consumed at that event. . . unless directed otherwise or you know the hosts well enough to be flexible.

 

:iagree: 100%!!!!

 

 

I love to host. Sometimes it's family and everyone brings. Other times I ask them not to bring anything. If I ask not to bring, it's for two reasons.

 

One, I want you to truly be my *guest* which includes giving you a break from meal preparation.

 

Two, because I have a specific menu planned. Sometimes that menu is based on a theme. Sometimes it's planned based on another guest's allergies. And sometimes it's planned with the thought of what I don't want my kids to have (um....pop, food dyes).

 

I have a family member that continually disregards my requests. I don't usually let it bother me, but the last time she did it, it was a milestone birthday for one of my children and what did she bring? A cake. So my made-with-love birthday cake was set aside to serve a fruit cake (literally...and it wasn't because I was noble and kind and served hers first, it was because immediately after the meal *she* brought hers out and started serving it up :glare:).

 

So, to answer your question, you can almost never go wrong with flowers, a small potted plant, chocolate or a bottle of wine, accompanied by a wink and a smile and a whisper that this is not for sharing but for the hostess' later enjoyment as a thanks for her hospitality.

 

That's just what I think.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yep, add me to the camp that says it's rude to bring food if you've been told to bring nothing.

 

I'm going out on a HUGE limb here and assuming this is a 4th of July cookout?:D Then bring something fun for the kids like glow-in-the-dark bracelets or a bouquet of flowers for the hostess.

[shannatheshedevil]

Since you made the statement that you now live in the south let me warn you not to show up and proclaim you brought pop! I know you know this as well but soda doesn't really work anywhere in the south I've lived. Just call them all coke. ;) (yes, I know we've had this conversation often here :) )

 

I do think some cokes and flowers would be perfect. I'd be happy.

 

:iagree:

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Honestly, I wouldn't bring a food dish if the hostess has asked you not to. Even a dessert may "compete" with whatever she's made.

 

:iagree: My thoughts exactly.

 

Wine or some other hostess gift is the best bet.

[Holly IN]

I would either bring a 2 liter pop or a hostess gift. That is it. If I am told not to bring anything then one of the two I will bring.

Holly

[Mrs Mungo]

OR you can always call on your way over and see if there is anything last-minute you can pick up. People frequently do this to me and I say "oh, yes! ICE or NAPKINS or something," lol.

[Truscifi]

OR you can always call on your way over and see if there is anything last-minute you can pick up. People frequently do this to me and I say "oh, yes! ICE or NAPKINS or something," lol.

 

I would do this, but have the flowers too in case she still says no. And I love the bouquet of sparklers idea for the 4th!

[AuntieM]

OR you can always call on your way over and see if there is anything last-minute you can pick up. People frequently do this to me and I say "oh, yes! ICE or NAPKINS or something," lol.

 

This is a good idea, even go so far as to specifically mention ice. That's something one can run out of quickly or forget to pick up. The call itself is a show of thoughtfulness.

[OrganicAnn]

I would bring them something that they could eat the next day like sweet-rolls or a coffeecake.

 

I wouldn't do 2 liters unless you know what they drink. But if you have some soft drinks that your family likes and are afraid they won't have it, then bring it.

 

Or bring them something like good bread, good vegetables, eggs from the farmers market or some local cheese. Some good ingredient that they can treat themselves to later. Or wine. Or flowers.