I gasped at my dd's annual pediatric visit just hours ago...

[Perry]

And, how does not knowing cause them to be promiscuous? So, who should be the one deciding when to tell a child X details about s*x? I say it should be the parents.

That's a separate issue that I'm not interested in discussing. I was responding to the comment that teaching young kids about reproduction is a new trend, which is just not accurate.

Edited June 10, 2010 by Perry

[Orthodox6]

I have skimmed much of the thread, but of course may have missed the answer to my question.

 

Are these interrogation sheets which are being discussed handed to male pediatric patients also? I have noticed remarks solely about girls in what I have read. Is there a sexist drift to the practice? Just curious.

 

No pediatrician ever has raised these topics with any of my four children. The eldest now is nearly 24, and the youngest is 11. The only topic ever raised (to me during a visit for dd) was the Gardasil vaccine, and that probably occurred only because Texas was in the throes of smacking an idiotic attempt of the governor to make a controversial vaccine mandatory. If such questioning were common across pediatric medicine, I would expect it to occur in a large urban practice such as the one patronized by our family. It, however, does not.

[Parrothead]

I don't see anything silly here at all. :confused:

 

Yes, from infancy. Maybe toddlerhood to be more precise - when children really start listening & becoming verbal.

 

Yes, Mrs. Smith has a big belly. There's a baby growing inside. Would you like to ask Mrs. Smith if you can touch the belly and maybe feel the baby moving?

 

Here's a picture of your mama when I was pregnant with you. That means you were living in my belly! You were small enough to fit! And then, when you grew big enough, you were born.

 

Mrs Jones is breastfeeding the baby now so you can't touch the baby. Baby wants to concentrate on eating. Yes, baby is getting milk from her mama.

 

Cows, horses, sheep, babies, petting zoos, farm animals, bird nests, neighbourhood cats (raccoons! Oh my! raccoons make an incredible racket when they mate & last spring we had a mating couple in right in our yard) aunts, siblings - mating and reproduction is ALL around us ALL the time. You can teach & present it all at an age appropriate level beginning from early childhood & it has nothing to do with hyper-sexualizing children or anything like that. It's biology.

What if none of those thing present themselves? I was in my 30's when I had dd. None of my friends were having babies then. It would never occur to me to point out a pregnant stranger to start a conversation about where babies come from. And I've never been anywhere to see wild animals mate. In our world those types of opportunities did not present themselves when dd was very young.

 

Of course when she was 9 she did get me one evening while I was under the influence of Ambien and ask about babies. That was how she found out about periods, birth and everything to do with human reproduction up to but not including the sex act. :lol:

[Mejane]

Are these interrogation sheets which are being discussed handed to male pediatric patients also? I have noticed remarks solely about girls in what I have read. Is there a sexist drift to the practice? Just curious.

 

 

My son is quizzed by the doc when he gets his yearly exam. Boys don't have to worry about becoming pregnant, though; it's the girls who bear that burden, so ultimately it's up to them to protect themselves.

[tex-mex]

I have skimmed much of the thread, but of course may have missed the answer to my question.

 

Are these interrogation sheets which are being discussed handed to male pediatric patients also? I have noticed remarks solely about girls in what I have read. Is there a sexist drift to the practice? Just curious.

 

 

If it helps... earlier on page 2 or 3 on this thread... I posted my son years ago was asked by many of his doctors the same q's & told of his of his rights to discuss this matter w/o parents in the same room. ;)

[Lolly]

What if none of those thing present themselves? I was in my 30's when I had dd. None of my friends were having babies then. It would never occur to me to point out a pregnant stranger to start a conversation about where babies come from. And I've never been anywhere to see wild animals mate. In our world those types of opportunities did not present themselves when dd was very young.

 

Of course when she was 9 she did get me one evening while I was under the influence of Ambien and ask about babies. That was how she found out about periods, birth and everything to do with human reproduction up to but not including the sex act. :lol:

 

And, some kids just don't notice or care about those things. They really don't. They just accept it as how things are and go on their merry little way.:lol:

[LizzyBee]

Cows, horses, sheep, babies, petting zoos, farm animals, bird nests, neighbourhood cats (raccoons! Oh my! raccoons make an incredible racket when they mate & last spring we had a mating couple in right in our yard) aunts, siblings - mating and reproduction is ALL around us ALL the time. You can teach & present it all at an age appropriate level beginning from early childhood & it has nothing to do with hyper-sexualizing children or anything like that. It's biology.

 

I grew up on a farm, and I didn't see that much mating. Birthing, yeah. Mating, not so much. Maybe I was just oblivious. :lol: I didn't know details about sex about I was 11 or 12.

[tex-mex]

 

Of course when she was 9 she did get me one evening while I was under the influence of Ambien and ask about babies. That was how she found out about periods, birth and everything to do with human reproduction up to but not including the sex act. :lol:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

In my family, this is known as "farm talk" at the dinner table... you should see my ds get embarrassed when his dad, my MIL, aunts, mom (I'm also a farm girl), and relatives talk farm matters. Sonny boy was not raised on a farm!! ;)

 

Lizzybee -- we had a young bull named Blue who would destroy fences in order to procreate. I vividly recall one time we had to get him off our neighbor's farm as he was amorously pursuing their cow. LOL

Edited June 10, 2010 by tex-mex

[hornblower]

What if none of those thing present themselves?

 

I've said this before in a different thread:

 

David Attenborough.

 

You cannot watch more than about 30 min of Attenborough without his whispering, cultured, British voice telling you about what the male is about to do now, and what the female apparently thinks of it. :lol:

 

I would rig it. I would rent videos about childbirth (if you contact a midwife they usually have recommendations for younger kids; you want ones in which the moms don't sound as if they're being butchered. The nice calm relatively quiet births, esp home and water births, are suitable for young kids. )

 

I would get the Attenborough. I would get pictorial books on anatomy and reproduction when the child is young. It's just another thing to learn and name.

 

Truck, pyramid, skycraper, uterus. If you do it when they're young, the mechanics are taken care of & a large chunk of the embarassment is gone. Then what's left is the values, the complications, the choices we make because we're not just animals - we're animals with a really big brain.

[Parrothead]

:lol::lol::lol:

In my family, this is known as "farm talk" at the dinner table... you should see my ds get embarrassed when his dad, my MIL, aunts, mom (I'm also a farm girl), and relatives talk farm matters. Sonny boy was not raised on a farm!! ;)

I tell people often that like Eloise, I am a city child. The closest thing to wild (or any other kind) of animal dd would see for years were pigeons in the park. We had one indoor cat. What's it gonna do?

[hornblower]

I grew up on a farm, and I didn't see that much mating. Birthing, yeah. Mating, not so much. Maybe I was just oblivious. :lol: I didn't know details about sex about I was 11 or 12.

 

Well, some animals are really, really fast.

 

Not racoons though. :D

And not snails and slugs. That's why I think a farm is not really necessary. It's just necessary to look around us.

[LizzyBee]

How is it void of discussion?

 

The way I read the op, the nurse handed the form to dd to fill out and walked away. Our dr has never used a form like that to introduce important topics to my kids. If she has a question for my kids, she asks them in person and then bases discussion on their responses, and she includes me in the discussion. Also, she asks questions in a conversational way, not from a list.

[Lolly]

I've said this before in a different thread:

 

David Attenborough.

 

You cannot watch more than about 30 min of Attenborough without his whispering, cultured, British voice telling you about what the male is about to do now, and what the female apparently thinks of it. :lol:

 

I would rig it. I would rent videos about childbirth (if you contact a midwife they usually have recommendations for younger kids; you want ones in which the moms don't sound as if they're being butchered. The nice calm relatively quiet births, esp home and water births, are suitable for young kids. )

 

I would get the Attenborough. I would get pictorial books on anatomy and reproduction when the child is young. It's just another thing to learn and name.

 

Truck, pyramid, skycraper, uterus. If you do it when they're young, the mechanics are taken care of & a large chunk of the embarassment is gone. Then what's left is the values, the complications, the choices we make because we're not just animals - we're animals with a really big brain.

 

Gotta ask it, what do those things have to do with s*x? :lol:

 

You can know all about how to birth a baby and the proper terms for everything and not know a darned lick about how to put them together or how they make a baby. Why exactly does an 11 yo need to know how to put X and Y together? I know it is hard for you to believe, but a kid can watch two dogs go at each other and not have a clue or care what they are doing. They think they are playing. Two bugs copulating? Look, that bug is getting a piggy back ride! Honestly, some kids don't WANT to know.

[Perry]

nm

Edited June 10, 2010 by Perry

[lionfamily1999]

Wow there is variance across the board with the various sex ed programs it does differ as much as math instruction or any other subject . This is reason 499,999,999 to home educate as I personally find abstinence only programs to be a waste of time and filled with misinformation. However I looked at the text they use locally for middle school and found it to be lacking in basic biology, anatomy and genetic information. We are using the Boston Womens Health Collective book Our Bodies , Ourselves and skipping the chapters that are unneeded at this moment .

We're including it with Human Biology and "health." It bothers me how little of the actual science is taught in our schools.

[LizzyBee]

Well, some animals are really, really fast.

 

 

 

That reminds me of some animal show that dh and I saw that said monkeys do it in 7 seconds. Ever since then, every once in a while, one of us will ask the other, "So, what are you doing for the next 7 seconds?" :D :lol:

[Parrothead]

I've said this before in a different thread:

 

David Attenborough.

 

You cannot watch more than about 30 min of Attenborough without his whispering, cultured, British voice telling you about what the male is about to do now, and what the female apparently thinks of it. :lol:

 

I would rig it. I would rent videos about childbirth (if you contact a midwife they usually have recommendations for younger kids; you want ones in which the moms don't sound as if they're being butchered. The nice calm relatively quiet births, esp home and water births, are suitable for young kids. )

 

I would get the Attenborough. I would get pictorial books on anatomy and reproduction when the child is young. It's just another thing to learn and name.

 

Truck, pyramid, skycraper, uterus. If you do it when they're young, the mechanics are taken care of & a large chunk of the embarassment is gone. Then what's left is the values, the complications, the choices we make because we're not just animals - we're animals with a really big brain.

I don't like animal porn any more than I like human porn. :lol: Seriously though, it really never would have occurred to me at that time. Maybe your information will be useful for someone with small children.

 

We did go over body parts and we did have discussions about appropriate touch. And like I said we did talk about lots of stuff that night at age 9. You guys have read some of my Ambien ramblings so you know I tend to get free with information during those evenings/nights.

 

It was a sad day in my life when I had to teach her at 3 about stranger danger. She became very fearful of most people and in 7 years that has not changed. If she is playing in the yard and someone walks up the sidewalk she will drop what she is doing and run to the porch or go hide in the garage until the person passes.

 

So I'm with the age appropriate people on this one. Dd wasn't ready for the stranger danger talk, but we didn't feel we had much choice because of the neighborhood/area of the country we were in at the time.

Edited June 10, 2010 by Parrothead

[lionfamily1999]

Well, some animals are really, really fast.

 

Not racoons though. :D

And not snails and slugs. That's why I think a farm is not really necessary. It's just necessary to look around us.

We had two attach themselves to the screen door outside our sliding glass doors. All of us were captivated for quite a long time watching them spinning and strange appendages appearing and disappearing... :lol: That was a sight to behold.

[hornblower]

Gotta ask it, what do those things have to do with s*x? :lol:

 

You can know all about how to birth a baby and the proper terms for everything and not know a darned lick about how to put them together or how they make a baby. Why exactly does an 11 yo need to know how to put X and Y together? I know it is hard for you to believe, but a kid can watch two dogs go at each other and not have a clue or care what they are doing. They think they are playing. Two bugs copulating? Look, that bug is getting a piggy back ride! Honestly, some kids don't WANT to know.

 

(Have you seen dogs mating? When a dog ties, it can be quite dramatic & loud & last for some time. Dogs humping is a different thing.....)

 

If a child says - oh look, that bug is getting a piggy back ride, the parent's job is to say: looks like that but I suspect they're mating. The male is making the female pregnant & she'll lay egg which will turn into larva etc etc etc.

 

Sooner or later most kids will ask the obvious question - how did the baby get there?

 

If a child doesn't ask, the adult can and should just casually drop a sentence or two when it comes up next time.

 

Our job as parents and educators is to put the things they encounter into context & give kids information.

 

These items are the WTM 'hooks' on which you'll hang a lot of information as you go.

[HeatherInWI]

I'd be less offended if the Dr. asked my child those questions, in front of me, than if s/he was given a form. However, like others here, I'm not leaving my child alone with any adult whom I don't know really, really well and trust implicitly. Part of my duty as a parent is to protect my children from predators, and there have been a few cases of pediatricians or family physicians who were also child molesters and/or druggies on the local news in the last few years.

 

Our family policy is that none of us is left alone with the doctor/nurse unless it's an emergency, though once the dc reached puberty, we gave them the option of specifying the same sex parent. It's always good to have someone else there as a witness/backup. (Yes, this means I take my dh to the OB/GYN with me, too.)

 

Of course, I'm also an advocate for teaching children the facts of life when they're little and the facts are unhindered by hormones. It works wonderfully -- I have very conservative children who are well-informed and comfortable with asking me questions. (I'm grateful that my teen son trusts me so much!) My parents taught me the facts from early childhood, and I'm grateful.

Edited June 10, 2010 by HeatherInWI

[Melinda in VT]

Shoot, I told a poster I was not going to contribute anymore. HELLO.....my point is that children having s** can occur in any socio-ecomonical class! NOT EVERY KID IN THAT CLASS SET! Again, my dd does NOT know what s** is...has not heard the word. I speak "gender". AGAIN, my dd just turned 11 and we HAVE.NOT.STUDIED.BIOLOGY.WITH.OUR.CURRICULUM.CHOICE!

 

My dd has NEVER.BEEN.ALONE.WITH.A.BOY. So.......there's not an issue with my dd in that regard.

 

Sheryl <><

 

HELLO? :confused: Are we back in middle school?

 

In your original post, you asked:

 

Is this a "standard" policy now? Should it be? OR, should it be based on verbal dialog with parent/s and/or visual observation of child? My dd JUST turned 11 and does NOT know what s** is, we haven't studied biology yet in science. Even so............

 

Given that "good" kids from "good" families have sex, how should doctors judge the appropriateness of the form based on talking to the parents or visually observing the child?

 

No one is saying that all kids that age are having sex. We're saying that some are, and looking at the child is not a surefire way of distinguishing who is and who isn't. So, yes, I find a form a better way of handling this than talking to the parents and looking at the child.

 

And it sounds like in this case, the form was placed on a table, not handed directly to your daughter, and that no one argued with your parental decision to keep the form from your daughter.

[Guest ToGMom]

So, yes, I find a form a better way of handling this than talking to the parents and looking at the child.

 

I disagree...if the doctor/nurse can't look the patient and/or parent in the eye and ask these "tough" questions, WHY are they a doctor in the first place??

 

I would run and run fast to another doctor if our doctor EVER handed me or my child a piece of paper and left the room without discussing it first.

 

I'm NOT a number OR a statistic...thank you very much. :glare:

[Melinda in VT]

I disagree...if the doctor/nurse can't look the patient and/or parent in the eye and ask these "tough" questions, WHY are they a doctor in the first place??

 

I would run and run fast to another doctor if our doctor EVER handed me or my child a piece of paper and left the room without discussing it first.

 

I'm NOT a number OR a statistic...thank you very much. :glare:

 

The OP didn't let her daughter fill out the form, so we don't know how the doctor would have handled it.

 

In my experience with health care professionals, the doctor comes back in, reads through the form and asks follow up questions and opens a dialog.

 

ETA: Also, if the doctor had asked the question directly, the OP would have not been able to censor like she censored the form.

Edited June 10, 2010 by Melinda in VT

[Orthodox6]

My son is quizzed by the doc when he gets his yearly exam. Boys don't have to worry about becoming pregnant, though; it's the girls who bear that burden, so ultimately it's up to them to protect themselves.

 

That is a double-standard to which I do not subscribe. The male can doopy-well keep his apparatus where it belongs, far away from the female.

[Guest ToGMom]

She then placed a form on the table and said Dr now asks/requires that each rising 6th grader fill out this questionnaire.

 

 

Quoting the OP...

 

This is what I was referring to in my previous post...

[tofuscramble]

That is a double-standard to which I do not subscribe. The male can doopy-well keep his apparatus where it belongs, far away from the female.

 

I'm a mom of three sons and I agree. Boys have a responsibility too.

[Mejane]

That is a double-standard to which I do not subscribe. The male can doopy-well keep his apparatus where it belongs, far away from the female.

 

Well yeah, but that's not reality, is it? If a couple is sexually active and a girl does not want to get pregnant, she better darn well take care of it herself.

[Kissy]

I don't know how I would feel if a dr did that to us. My son is 12 and we went to the dr last year and none of that was asked and there was no form like that to fill out. My son knows what sex is and how we feel because he has lots of public school friends and they learned sex ed at school in 5th grade. I wanted my son to know it from me and not them so I told him. I trust our dr so I would say if he asked then that would be ok with us but again until it happens you never really know how it would affect you.

[Mejane]

I'm a mom of three sons and I agree. Boys have a responsibility too.

 

I didn't say they didn't. What I meant (and I thought this was obvious), is that ultimately the girl ends up paying, so she better make sure it's taken care of.

[rhrice3]

Wow! We experienced an interesting questionnaire when my kids turned 14 - entering high school. It was very long and was given to them directly to complete without our input. However, before it was given to them, the nurse/doctor made sure that we were ok with them completing it. I mean, we are still their parents, aren't we?

 

The questionnaire asked mostly about things that adolescents/teens would have issues with - depression, feeling left out, bullying, fighting, smoking, drugs, etc. It might have asked about dating, but I don't remember anything about sex. My son was hysterical with laughter, and he really did not know how to complete this. I told him to do the best he could - obviously, most of his answers were "NO". In the comment section he wrote that he was home schooled and involved in youth orchestra and USA swimming and that most of the kids he knew were very bright, educated, caring individuals that he could not imagine would ever do most of the "above" things. The doctor laughed when he read ds comment and congratulated him on keeping such good company and keeping such good care of himself and his body.

 

My dh, a physician, thinks that 6th grade is a bit young to be taking such a survey without talking with the parents first and giving them a 1) head's up on the survey's content and 2)option to NOT have their child take it.

 

Just my two cents!

ReneeR

[H0MEFree]

For most families, this form would help the doctor to help the child. MANY children have had _ _ _ at 11 years old. Parents don't parent their children, they let the "system" do it for them.

 

In my family, I would not have my children fill it it out either.

[Lolly]

(Have you seen dogs mating? When a dog ties, it can be quite dramatic & loud & last for some time. Dogs humping is a different thing.....)

 

If a child says - oh look, that bug is getting a piggy back ride, the parent's job is to say: looks like that but I suspect they're mating. The male is making the female pregnant & she'll lay egg which will turn into larva etc etc etc.

 

Sooner or later most kids will ask the obvious question - how did the baby get there?

 

If a child doesn't ask, the adult can and should just casually drop a sentence or two when it comes up next time.

 

Our job as parents and educators is to put the things they encounter into context & give kids information.

 

These items are the WTM 'hooks' on which you'll hang a lot of information as you go.

 

And...the kid lets it go right over his head. They do NOT pick it up. They do not equate it with humans. Like I said, some kids just do not want to know. I had one of those.

 

Dogs, well you just keep walking. My point is that children will tend to put labels and classifications onto animal behaviors that are familiar to them. Unless, as you demonstrated, someone explains what is actually happening. You know, I doubt any of my 4 would give any mating bugs laying eggs the jump to humans. That jump didn't actually come until after they knew how humans went about it. Then, they realized what was going on.

 

Some parents do not want them to know and don't continue it in the first place. It is not your job or the physician's job to decide that little Tommy should learn about s*x at age 6, 11, or even 13. It is up to his parents. If they decide to never mention it, it is their decision. Of course, I'm sure Tommy will find out about it sometime, somewhere. But, it really is not the doctor's place to start the conversation.

[Orthodox6]

Well yeah, but that's not reality, is it? If a couple is sexually active and a girl does not want to get pregnant, she better darn well take care of it herself.

 

Still is a double-standard. A girl or woman in such circumstances should, I firmly believe, respect herself so strongly that she require "equality". If she uses protection, so should the male. Non-negotiable requirement for the activity under discussion. To me, this is an issue of self-respect within a relationship.

 

Of course I oppose sexual activity outside of marriage. That is a given. I also oppose the use of birth control. However, if people are going to indulge their hormones anyway, I staunchly support a girl's right to demand -- yes, demand -- equal responsibility for birth control.

[Caroline]

At my son's 14 year old visit there was a long questionaire to fill out with questions about sex, drugs, mental health, physical health, and family history. The form was on the pediatrician's website and we were asked to print it and fill it out before the visit. So we printed it, and he filled it out. It was a great exercise because he learned a lot about our family's health history.

[QueenCat]

At my son's 14 year old visit there was a long questionaire to fill out with questions about sex, drugs, mental health, physical health, and family history. The form was on the pediatrician's website and we were asked to print it and fill it out before the visit. So we printed it, and he filled it out. It was a great exercise because he learned a lot about our family's health history.

 

I was about 14, some 30 years ago, and can remember taking a survey about these topics in school. Every year in high school. They brought each grade in to the auditorium for about an hour, and had us fill out a long survey (no names) about all of the above topics.

 

Additionally, around 13 (I know it was while I was still in middle school), my doctor discussed birth control with me (I didn't need it, but it was standard to bring up with female patients). My mother stopped going in to the office, at my request, when I was around 12 but my doctor was female.

[lionfamily1999]

I didn't say they didn't. What I meant (and I thought this was obvious), is that ultimately the girl ends up paying, so she better make sure it's taken care of.

During pregnancy, she does have the harder part. Until the baby's born, though, the boy has all the responsibility to pay half the bills &tc, with none of the rights. Once the baby is born, should she decide to keep it, he continues to pay.

[Haiku]

My daughter looked at the nurse and politely said, "She's my MOM, why wouldn't I want her to be in the room?" The nurse's reply was "Well, you know...there might be things you need to talk to someone about." By this time I was A.N.G.R.Y. and my daughter was like :001_huh:. My daughter calmly replied, "Well, she's my mom and we don't have secrets." :lol:

 

Good for your daughter for her aplomb, but I really can't fathom someone being A.N.G.R.Y. about a doctor/nurse attempting to give a child a safe space. Are we really that fearful or paranoid as parents?

 

Tara

[Orthodox6]

Good for your daughter for her aplomb, but I really can't fathom someone being A.N.G.R.Y. about a doctor/nurse attempting to give a child a safe space. Are we really that fearful or paranoid as parents?

 

Tara

 

Neither fear nor paranoia involved. The unambiguous implication from the nurse was, I think, that "of course" there are topics which a child/teen never, ever would discuss with a parent. The nurse, with that attitude, sent a message that she was preferable to the mother as a confidante. I would be royally steamed at any such arrogant assumption on the part of any outsider.

[Renee in NC]

During pregnancy, she does have the harder part. Until the baby's born, though, the boy has all the responsibility to pay half the bills &tc, with none of the rights. Once the baby is born, should she decide to keep it, he continues to pay.

 

A boy is not responsible for anything until the baby is born, then he can be required to pay child support. He is not required to pay half of anything, though he can choose to.

[Haiku]

The unambiguous implication from the nurse was, I think, that "of course" there are topics which a child/teen never, ever would discuss with a parent. The nurse, with that attitude, sent a message that she was preferable to the mother as a confidante.

 

I completely disagree with that interpretation.

 

Tara

[tricia]

I wonder if this might be standard. My boys, 16 and 14 just went to get a physical for their high adventure scout camp last month. Actually, the first "real" physical since they were born. But I took them because my son had an issue with his knee and I figured I would do both boys at the same time. Apparently the doc (who we have been going to with all 12 of our kids, but only when needed) asked those to my sons. I was told that both my boys cut him short and basically told him those were inappropriate questions and they didn't appreciate being asked them. We raise our children very conservatively and I suppose we taught them something in order for them to stand up to the doc like that.

[Orthodox6]

It was a believable answer to your wondering why a mother would feel angry over the situation.

 

I completely disagree with that interpretation.

 

Tara

Edited June 10, 2010 by Orthodox6

[jillian]

Just wondering for those who say that their kiddos were given a questionnaire without their consent, what is the age in your state where a child can receive medical care without parental consent. Here in WA, at least at my treatment facility (military) there are signs that said that any child over the age of 13 may come in for treatment, medications and simple procedures (ingrown toenail removal, etc). The facility is also required to get a signed waiver before disclosing ANY information (including that the child was seen) to the parent(s).

[Melinda in VT]

Neither fear nor paranoia involved. The unambiguous implication from the nurse was, I think, that "of course" there are topics which a child/teen never, ever would discuss with a parent. The nurse, with that attitude, sent a message that she was preferable to the mother as a confidante. I would be royally steamed at any such arrogant assumption on the part of any outsider.

 

That's a completely different impression than I got from the story. (Are we still talking about the OP?) The OP was not asked to leave the room, that I recall, so I don't see anything in the nurse's actions that implied the OP's daughter would be sharing anything with the doctor that she hadn't already shared with her mother.

 

I have no idea whose interpretation of this is correct, mine or yours, but I think it's safe to say, based on the debate on this thread, that whatever the nurse implied was not "unambiguous." :001_smile:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I disagree...if the doctor/nurse can't look the patient and/or parent in the eye and ask these "tough" questions, WHY are they a doctor in the first place??

 

I would run and run fast to another doctor if our doctor EVER handed me or my child a piece of paper and left the room without discussing it first.

 

I'm NOT a number OR a statistic...thank you very much. :glare:

 

Actually I can imagine a child possibly more willing to answer a questionnaire in writing versus verbally discussing the same. I imagine it would be a useful tool as a nurse. I have had to fill out numerous forms for my doctors that asked about all aspects of health.

 

My 2 cents:)

[lionfamily1999]

:iagree: While our doctor doesn't have a "required form", they did tell our daughter that *I* didn't *have* to be in the room if she didn't want me there!! :toetap05:

 

My daughter looked at the nurse and politely said, "She's my MOM, why wouldn't I want her to be in the room?" The nurse's reply was "Well, you know...there might be things you need to talk to someone about." By this time I was A.N.G.R.Y. and my daughter was like :001_huh:. My daughter calmly replied, "Well, she's my mom and we don't have secrets." :lol:

 

That's a completely different impression than I got from the story. (Are we still talking about the OP?) The OP was not asked to leave the room, that I recall, so I don't see anything in the nurse's actions that implied the OP's daughter would be sharing anything with the doctor that she hadn't already shared with her mother.

 

I have no idea whose interpretation of this is correct, mine or yours, but I think it's safe to say, based on the debate on this thread, that whatever the nurse implied was not "unambiguous." :001_smile:

The nurse in the above quote was the one of which they were speaking... er... typing.

[Sarah CB]

He asked questions about the upcoming birth of his brother. I answered them honestly. We have added in more information as he got older and recently gave him a couple of books to read. He can't remember not knowing the basics - there was no shock or attraction in the information, as it was just a normal part of his learning about the world.

 

Laura

 

My kids have also known from an early age because of the birth of siblings but they all *forgot*! It came up again with my (then) 7 and 9 year old boys. Even though we had read books and discussed how babies are made when their brother was born (4 years previously) they had both forgotten and the information was completely new to both of them. My 9 year old was particularly disturbed by the idea of sex.

 

I had the same thing happen with dd. We talked a lot about how babies are made, fetal development, etc. when I was pg with ds. She was 4.5 and very curious. She too completely forgot and when it came time for the next ds it was like we were discussing it for the first time.

[Melinda in VT]

The nurse in the above quote was the one of which they were speaking... er... typing.

 

Thanks for clearing that up. I'm not able to use threaded mode, so sometimes I have trouble on long threads.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

As I was eating lunch...:lol::lol::lol:, it hit me. I knew something on this thread was bothering me! Why on earth are people insinuating/saying that children who know about s@x are at less of a risk of abuse than kids who don't? Why is it that children who don't know the "facts" are at more risk? Why are they less able to tell their parents what has happened to them?

 

A child doesn't have to have the nitty gritty details involved to know that it is not okay for a friend, adult, or stranger to touch their privates. They don't need to know many details at all to know what to do if someone tries. They don't even need to know the correct technical term to tell mom or dad they have seen something. I know for certain that my ds knew these things at 3, but he didn't know about s@x. Now, I admit that an 11yo kid not knowing the difference in a boy and a girl would shock me; but that is not what I am envisioning here. I have a feeling if you are assuming that is what is being discussed that you are wrong. Of course, I could be wrong too.:D

 

I would want them to know at least the basics at 8 or 9 and even a general idea before that so that my ds does not hear the birds and the bees from some other kid first IMHO. I also believe that knowledge can help them protect themselves. I do not think knowledge will make them go and be promiscuous especially when taught in conjunction with your values/beliefs.

 

My 2 cents:)

[Mejane]

During pregnancy, she does have the harder part. Until the baby's born, though, the boy has all the responsibility to pay half the bills &tc, with none of the rights. Once the baby is born, should she decide to keep it, he continues to pay.

 

Yes, but he can also walk away and simply send money. As I said before (twice?), girls bear most of the burden when a child is conceived - they grow it, they birth it, they nurture and care for it. If they are not ready or willing to do that, they better be taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen - whether that means taking the pill or making sure their partner always wears a condom.