I gasped at my dd's annual pediatric visit just hours ago...

[sheryl]

Today my just turned 11 year old had her annual visit at the doctors. My dh met us there. She's been seeing Dr for years.

 

Picture this and help me understand it.

 

Dh, dd and I enter the room after her ht/wt was measured. Small talk with nurse (don't know if she was RN, LPN, or what title , don't know) who happens to be VERY pregnant, seemingly young and maybe inexperienced :confused: and I've never seen her before which tells me she's probably new to this practice.

 

The woman proceeded to ask what grade she'll be entering this fall to which I replied, "Grade 6, 6th grade". She then placed a form on the table and said Dr now asks/requires that each rising 6th grader fill out this questionnaire.

 

At first I dismissed it. Then I had an "internal check" and I looked at the form. That's when I gasped....

 

My dd was the one who would read and with pen in hand she would answer the questions, such as:

 

How are you doing in school?

Are there any issues with your family life?

Are you dating?

Q

Q

Q

Have you had s e x..............?

 

WHAT?

 

There were several other questions, maybe 10-15 approx. I didn't read all of them as I was crushed in my spirit.

 

I thought the first few questions were odd about school and family. It would be understandable on a patient by patient basis if the ped suspected there might be an issue, but to make it policy. Same goes for THE questions. I read those and nearly fainted. I'm not naive....I know good and YOUNG kids are having s**! Good kids from good backgrounds, homeschooled kids that find themselves in well "a situation". While I do not agree with s** outside of marriage it's not the end of the world.

 

My dd is never out of my site. We are a homeschooling family. Dh works outside the home, home evenings and weekends...typical business schedule. I stay home and teach, etc. We go to church every Sun and CBS every TH (not summers). Point is she's ALWAYS with one of us. But, that's not even the point, we are teaching her from a Christian perspective. At this point it will seem to cycle, b/c I know good kids make errors, it's a personal choice, but.......repeat.

 

Shortly after I read some of the form, I left the room, approached this woman and said my dd will "not" be filling out this form. She said she would inform Dr.

 

I re-entered the room and was flustered. So, I prayed that I'd calm down and be discerning over this matter.

 

Dr. entered the room for his exam and did not mention anything about the situation.

 

Is this a "standard" policy now? Should it be? OR, should it be based on verbal dialog with parent/s and/or visual observation of child? My dd JUST turned 11 and does NOT know what s** is, we haven't studied biology yet in science. Even so............

 

PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU FEEL THIS IS COMMON OR IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED THE SAME!!

 

Thanks. Sheryl <><

Edited June 13, 2010 by sheryl

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lines are being blurred between medical care and parental care.

[Gratia271]

My daughter (turned 11 in March) will be visiting the doc soon for her annual check-up. I am equally shocked. I am unsure of the relevance of these questions directed at an 11-year-old.

[tofuscramble]

That's ridiculous!! I have an 11yo boy and I would be really upset about that too even though my son does know what sex is, he has a book and he has had a couple of "the talk"s with his dad (only because we wanted his exposure to the subject to be more controlled and safe). It really bothers me that they are asking 11 year olds things that in my mind they should be asking 16 and 17 year olds. Urgh!

[Chris in VA]

I don't know how common it is to have a form like that, but I do know that there are 6th graders having sx, vag or oral. 6th grade is the second year of heavy-duty sx ed here in ps.

I have to tell dd10 this week about her period. Saving the sx talk a little longer--but it will be soon.

 

I can understand how a pediatrician would be concerned for all aspects of a child's health. It's really sad to me that these issues have been pushed down so low now.

[KJB]

Actually, this is common and it is a physician's place to know if his young patients are sexually active.

 

My dh has delivered a baby for a girl who was 12. She was 11 when she became pregnant....

 

How a child is doing in school is an indicator of depression. This is a health care issue.

 

How a child's family life is can lead to responses which uncover abuse. A doctor is a mandatory reporter.

 

These questions are sadly appropriate. I truly understand how you feel, as I have a 13 year old daughter.

[MariannNOVA]

Lines are being blurred between medical care and parental care.

 

:iagree: I decided a VERY, VERY long time ago (perhaps 25 years ago) that I would NOT allow anyone to abrogate my parental role in any situation (and we have not had a situation such as you have described in our ped's office.....but that doesn't mean that we won't at some point).

[sheryl]

OK, that's another thread....when is the best time to have THE TALK? Woudl it depend on the emotional maturity of the child? Good point. I know that time is coming. We've first been discussing her growing into young womanhood with "womanly developments" ;). After she understands that then I'll progress to s**. But, honestly, the world is cramming things down our kids throats at an earlier age: academically, socially, etc. What's up with that?

[goldberry]

This has not happened at my dd11's doctor yet (although he did ask ME about the gardisil shot, which I refused for her).

 

However, I do understand it and don't think it is a horrible thing. Our daughters are in a wonderful position of having loving parents who protect them from many situations. I would think the MAJORITY are not in this situation. With children as young as 11-12 coming up pregnant or with STD's, the doctor NEEDS to know if the child is sexually active as a part of her medical history.

 

It is easy to say, ask the parents...but we know for a fact there are parents out there that are clueless. Yes, it is embarassing and awkward for our sheltered girls to be faced with those questions. But I would rather have that so that some poor little kid who gets no direction at home (or may even be being abused at home) could at least get factual info from her doctor.

 

I do NOT think the doctor is trying to take over parenting. Obviously once you explained that this was not something you wanted for your child, he respected your choice.

[Momling]

Actually, this is common and it is a physician's place to know if his young patients are sexually active.

 

My dh has delivered a baby for a girl who was 12. She was 11 when she became pregnant....

 

How a child is doing in school is an indicator of depression. This is a health care issue.

 

How a child's family life is can lead to responses which uncover abuse. A doctor is a mandatory reporter.

 

These questions are sadly appropriate. I truly understand how you feel, as I have a 13 year old daughter.

 

:iagree: From a public health standpoint, it's totally appropriate to have such a form. Additionally, I think it's absolutely appropriate as a parent to say "No thanks" to the form and the fact that your physician said nothing more about it was also entirely appropriate.

[elizabeth]

I believe that it is a part of health care to address these issues. I am sad that the ages at which this must be addressed are becoming younger all the time. I think once a young lady has had her period she should have the information to protect herself from disease and sexual assault. To do otherwise is to assume the world is a decent place populated with respectful, decent people . The world is not decent nor are its inhabitants by and large. If a young lady has no idea what leads to pregnancy she can be abused and manipulated into life threatening activity that someone has convinced her is harmless of at minimum cannot lead to pregnancy. I truly believe it is neglectful to avoid facing these serious matters head on. If that happens at the MD's office for the first time then so be it. Better a little awkward than having a youngster molested as they did not know what was happening . Ignorance might be bliss for the parent but can result in horrific consequences for the developing youngster.

[Mom2J112903]

Actually, this is common and it is a physician's place to know if his young patients are sexually active.

 

My dh has delivered a baby for a girl who was 12. She was 11 when she became pregnant....

 

How a child is doing in school is an indicator of depression. This is a health care issue.

 

How a child's family life is can lead to responses which uncover abuse. A doctor is a mandatory reporter.

 

These questions are sadly appropriate.

 

:iagree: I worked as a PA's Nurse in an OB/GYN practice-we had TEN year olds having intercourse. If *my* pedi had asked some of these questions, I just might be in a better place mentally today than I am.

 

I take NO offense at these questions and am thankful that they ARE asked.

[tex-mex]

Actually, this is common and it is a physician's place to know if his young patients are sexually active.

 

My dh has delivered a baby for a girl who was 12. She was 11 when she became pregnant....

 

How a child is doing in school is an indicator of depression. This is a health care issue.

 

How a child's family life is can lead to responses which uncover abuse. A doctor is a mandatory reporter.

 

These questions are sadly appropriate. I truly understand how you feel, as I have a 13 year old daughter.

:grouphug: OP: Sorry you had that experience. But all doctors are required by law to report anything which seems abusive or at-risk behavior. My son who is 14 -- he has a rare liver disease and has to see numerous specialists -- was told at the age of 11 that if he did not want his Mom & Dad in the room while being seen for a check-up, we can leave the room. We were also told when son hits 16, if son wants to discuss more personal matters with the doctor (i.e. sex) -- we do not need to be in the room. It surprised me. But, I already knew the doctor could report a parent to CPS if he suspected abuse was going on or medical negligance. Doctors feel that a parent can intimidate a child in cases of abuse. That is our health care system. The UN Rights of the Child may be soon ratified in our country and THEN wait for the law to tell us how to raise our kids. Sad. :confused:

[ChrisN in NY]

nevermind...

Edited June 9, 2010 by ChrisN in NY

[Julie in Austin]

:iagree: From a public health standpoint, it's totally appropriate to have such a form. Additionally, I think it's absolutely appropriate as a parent to say "No thanks" to the form and the fact that your physician said nothing more about it was also entirely appropriate.

 

Yep. I'm grateful for families such as the OP where the odds of an 11yo having sex appear to be miniscule; however, there are a lot of families where that, unfortunately, is not the case and while I would prefer that those kiddos waited until marriage, if that isn't going to happen, then I want the doctor talking with them about risk minimization.

 

We were foster parents only briefly, but you don't need to see that many situations involving 15yo girls giving birth to drug-addicted babies to think that asking those questions in a doctor's office is a lesser evil than NOT asking them.

[Guest ToGMom]

Lines are being blurred between medical care and parental care.

 

:iagree: While our doctor doesn't have a "required form", they did tell our daughter that *I* didn't *have* to be in the room if she didn't want me there!! :toetap05:

 

My daughter looked at the nurse and politely said, "She's my MOM, why wouldn't I want her to be in the room?" The nurse's reply was "Well, you know...there might be things you need to talk to someone about." By this time I was A.N.G.R.Y. and my daughter was like :001_huh:. My daughter calmly replied, "Well, she's my mom and we don't have secrets." :lol:

[teachermom2834]

I recently took my 10 yo and 12 yo ds for a well check. I skipped last year so I don't know if it was the 11 yo check or 12 yo check that it started but both the nurse and the doctor mentioned STDs/ safe sex, etc. The nurse asked in the list of questions such as "do you wear a seatbelt/ do you use sunscreen/ do you know about stds and safe sex?" The doctor just instructed us to "discuss sexuality and stds according to your family values".

 

We also got the tobacco/ drugs/ alcohol/ steroids questions in the same way. I thought my 10 yo ds eyes would bug out of his head when the dr. looked straight at him and asked if he had used alcohol or tobacco.

 

I wasn't too surprised and I didn't feel like it was too much or over the top but it is unnecessary at this point with my boys who just don't have access to any of this kind of trouble right now.

 

It did make me wonder if any kid would answer those questions honestly if they were drinking/ smoking/ having sex. I guess they have seen enough to feel like it is their job to ask.

 

I don't remember getting those questions at a 10 yo check last time. I think the younger ds just got the questions because he was there with the older one. That might be a reason in the future not to do their appts together.

[hornblower]

This policy seems completely normal & age appropriate to me.

[tex-mex]

:iagree: I worked as a PA's Nurse in an OB/GYN practice-we had TEN year olds having intercourse. If *my* pedi had asked some of these questions, I just might be in a better place mentally today than I am.

 

I take NO offense at these questions and am thankful that they ARE asked.

:iagree: I am a former schoolteacher and knew of students who were sexually active while in Elementary School. Unfortunately, I reported the families to CPS and despite strong evidence, the child stayed with the family instead of getting help. It happens. (It also woke me up to the harsh reality of childhood... some children have a horrible upbringing.) Made me want to protect my beloved son even more so. :glare: But eventually they too have to be in the world and realize that the world is not perfect. The doctor's questionnaire may have been a good jumping off point for a "talk" with the OP and ds? No gritty details... but a general discussion to prep the ds for what lies ahead with doctor visits. Yikes. :001_huh:

[Pink Fairy]

I'd say that these sound like common questions. For the last couple of years I've prepared a note for the nurse to give to the doctor when we arrive, just to inform him of the areas that we don't want him questioning our children about. We prefer to handle their sexual education, because we are able to introduce it in a more natural way. A doctor in his office is going to have a list of questions. It's simply not possible for him to take into account the different needs and maturity levels of every one of his patients, so we just avoid the scenario all together. He is a wonderful pediatrician, and respects our role as parents. I just love him!

[TxMama]

:iagree: From a public health standpoint, it's totally appropriate to have such a form. Additionally, I think it's absolutely appropriate as a parent to say "No thanks" to the form and the fact that your physician said nothing more about it was also entirely appropriate.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

It's also important to realize that the MD office is asking these types of questions to children going into 6th grade because the credentialing agency that surveys this office has made it a requirement.

 

Since your MD put the questions in a form and didn't mention it when you refused, it is likely he thinks the same as you do about asking for this information. Most offices would just ask you to leave the room then ask the child without a parent present.

[sheryl]

OK, these replies are coming in so fast, I can't keep up.

 

I am with Penguin woman aka MariannNova! :D

 

God has made us her parents. He made her our dd. I knew this time was coming, but I WILL NOT allow the doctors to usurp my parental rights.

 

Please remember what I've said.....I'm not naive. I know "young" and "good" kids have s.. A poor choice made in an instant. I KNOW kids are having s... NOT MY KID! Why on earth wouldn't the doctor know as ON TOP of things that I am that my dd is NOT HAVING S..?!!!

 

At the age of 53, I'd like to think I know a few more things now than when I was 33. :tongue_smilie:

 

My dd was having dozens of seizures 2 years ago....losing muscle control....do you think, does the DR think she'd have SE!! on her mind?

 

Sorry, vent over. Back to me...Sheryl <><

[In The Great White North]

This policy seems completely normal & age appropriate to me.

Just because some kids have s*x at 11 does not make these questions age appropriate.

 

I know many children who were introduced to the idea of s*x, drugs, alcohol abuse, etc by the doctor. It would not have occurred to them for years.

 

Bringing this up earlier and earlier leads the kids to believe that it is normal and OK at this age, just as earlier and earlier s*x ed has led kids to believe it is normal and OK. They start to think that "everyone" else must be doing it and they are behind the curve.

[LauraGB]

I'd be shocked initially, too. And angry at the attempt. However, I'm torn about it. I understand it from a medical professional perspective, and I know some children are exposed to such situations at an early age. But then, I agree with Jean that the lines are being blurred between medical care and parental care. I think a much more appropriate way to go about something like this, especially since the child is a minor, to simply ask the parent's permission first before dropping such an invasive questionnaire on a potentially innocent child.

[sheryl]

just because some kids have s*x at 11 does not make these questions age appropriate.

 

I know many children who were introduced to the idea of s*x, drugs, alcohol abuse, etc by the doctor. It would not have occurred to them for years.

 

Bringing this up earlier and earlier leads the kids to believe that it is normal and ok at this age, just as earlier and earlier s*x ed has led kids to believe it is normal and ok. They start to think that "everyone" else must be doing it and they are behind the curve.

 

thank you, you are a wise woman!!!

[FaithManor]

I understand the rationale for the questionaire. I don't doubt the medical staff's motivations for providing such a form and hoping for honest answers.

 

That said, most of the kids I know that are substance abusers or promiscuous, would never in a million years answer those questions honestly. So, they are at pretty major risks of some awful things happening to them. Their parents are clueless and will not believe that their precious child would ever be involved in such a thing, even when youth workers can verify the intel.

 

We too have a family structure that means, short of running away from home, our kids would be hard-pressed to manage risky behavior without notice so if it were my child, I would also decline the form. For my children, the questionaire would actually be more likely to put them off being open and honest with the doctor. My 13 year old, who thinks all substance abusers are insane and girls still have cooties, would immediately clam up and not even talk about basic health issues if a doctor asked him these things. He is a very private little chap and when he has an issue he asks his daddy (thankfully he and dh have a marvelous relationship) or his uncle to whom he feels quite close. So, I think these types of questions have a place but in and of themselves, can be problematic. Additionally, I doubt that most kids would be honest.

 

Faith

[LinRTX]

Well I had it with dd this weekend. She turned 10in April. I did not want it this early but she was asking questions, lots of questions, and I could not skirt things any longer. The questions came from her Bible reading. Stories she had read before were now stirring up many, many questions. So the time was right.

 

Linda

[sheryl]

I'd be shocked initially, too. And angry at the attempt. However, I'm torn about it. I understand it from a medical professional perspective, and I know some children are exposed to such situations at an early age. But then, I agree with Jean that the lines are being blurred between medical care and parental care. I think a much more appropriate way to go about something like this, especially since the child is a minor, to simply ask the parent's permission first before dropping such an invasive questionnaire on a potentially innocent child.

 

Yes, Laura, that's what I thought I mentioned. Wouldn't they talk with me first about it? But, like Great White North said, it's just not necessary. IMO, a doctor should know their patient/family after 11 years, hello, and while assumptions can't/shouldn't always be made, history is a good indicator...11 years. The Dr can give the parent a checklist asking THEY suspect anything unusual...se**, drugs, etc and ASK if PARENT WOULD GIVE PERMISSION to Dr to address with child in questionnaire. But, that's still risky. Why? Well, here we do the cycle dance again. It's what Great White N said, and here the cycle (not menses :lol:) repeats.

[LizzyBee]

Apparently, it's not standard because we've never been asked to complete such a form. The NP who sees my girls has asked the older two in a casual, low-key way about dating, etc. I give my teens the choice to have me in the room or not for dr visits, and they've always chosen to have me go with them. I think the only time we've left the room was when dh took dd to have her stent removed after her kidney stone surgery. He went back with her to speak with the dr, but went out in the hall during the procedure. Thankfully, we've never had a dr act like it's unusual or weird for parents to be with their teens for dr. appts.

[justamouse]

It's not a line being blurred between parental and Dr care, it's that some kids that young are having sex and they're going to hide it from their families. They need a safe person to tell and the Dr needs to know if he has to run std screens and such. I knew many kids that were having sex in 6th grade-and that was...lemme count...twenty years ago. MANY. I was new to the school and from a VERY teeny country school and let me tell you, I grew up FAST. One girl loved it because she didn't have her period yet and couldn't get pregnant.

 

The Dr needs that questionnaire to offer a safe place to tell if they're being sexually abused, having sex, been raped, whathaveyou. It's a good thing. If my kids couldn;t come to me, I would hope they could fill one out honestly. Let alone the drugs.

[HRAAB]

I think what would upset me most about this (honestly, make me mad) is giving the form directly to my dd instead of asking me if it was okay if my dd answered it. I understand that these questions need to be asked, and probably more often than I'm aware of, but they do not need to be asked of my dd. I know those questions would upset my 12 yr. old dd. I wouldn't deal well with anyone trying to circumvent my parental authority and ask my dd questions without my knowledge.

 

Then again I can see cases where perhaps parents are trying to hide abusive situations or situations where the child is afraid to admit they're s*xually active in front of the parent yet for the doctor to treat the patient, they should have that information.

 

This is so frustrating. I don't want my child approached with this kind of stuff, yet I realize there are many families in different circumstances. I don't have a good answer to it.

[Nakia]

It's not a line being blurred between parental and Dr care, it's that some kids that young are having sex and they're going to hide it from their families. They need a safe person to tell and the Dr needs to know if he has to run std screens and such. I knew many kids that were having sex in 6th grade-and that was...lemme count...twenty years ago. MANY. I was new to the school and from a VERY teeny country school and let me tell you, I grew up FAST. One girl loved it because she didn't have her period yet and couldn't get pregnant.

 

The Dr needs that questionnaire to offer a safe place to tell if they're being sexually abused, having sex, been raped, whathaveyou. It's a good thing. If my kids couldn;t come to me, I would hope they could fill one out honestly. Let alone the drugs.

 

I have to agree.

[justamouse]

Just because some kids have s*x at 11 does not make these questions age appropriate.

 

I know many children who were introduced to the idea of s*x, drugs, alcohol abuse, etc by the doctor. It would not have occurred to them for years.

 

Bringing this up earlier and earlier leads the kids to believe that it is normal and OK at this age, just as earlier and earlier s*x ed has led kids to believe it is normal and OK. They start to think that "everyone" else must be doing it and they are behind the curve.

 

Kids are not going to become promiscuous/drug users by filling out a form. Sorry, I don't buy that one cent.

[Mejane]

Haven't read all the replies so sorry if this has been mentioned, but not every parent is as present as you are. It's tragic, but kids that age are having sex, and if the parent doesn't know, it's good if someone does.

 

I think I was asked to leave the room when my kids were 12 so the doc could talk privately with them. That was almost three years ago, and sexual activity in young kids seems to have ratcheted up since then. I didn't have a problem with them talking to my kids. I think knowlege is power, so the more info they have, the better.

[Danestress]

You seem to be taking this personally, but it's not personal. No, your doctor doesn't think your daughter has s@x on her mind. He probably does not think that much about it at all, because he didn't create this question sheet for your daughter or any other particular child. He has a policy to give girls at that age this questionaire because he has decided that rather than try to size up who is s@xually active and who isn't by looking at her clothes, make up, hair, family size, etc, he's decided to just screen every one. That seems reasonable to me.

 

I'm not sure how else he would handle it. I can't imagine him trying to instruct his nurses, "Okay, if the girl seems tacky or low class, give her the worksheet. If she has on too much make up or you suspect that her parents have loose morals, give her the worksheet."

 

No. He just give it to everyone. No personal judgments for or against any particular patient. That seems right to me, as long as he was accepting of your decision not to participate. I wouldn't participate either, by the way.

 

.

[LauraGB]

I have a hard time believing that most 11 year olds who are having sex will tell the truth on a dr's questionnaire. Telling an adult = it gets back to mom and dad. Or at least that's what I would think most 11 year olds would be thinking. I certainly could be wrong because I haven't been 11 in a while... And honestly, my own kids would probably just roll thier eyes and hand the paper back to the dr, not filled out. (I've kind of taught them that adults who ask invasive questions shouldn't be trusted, especially the ones who promise not to tell their parents the answers to said invasive questions. I suppose I do need to update my teachings now that they are older.)

Edited June 9, 2010 by LauraGB
added more

[TxMama]

IMO, a doctor should know their patient/family after 11 years, hello, and while assumptions can't/shouldn't always be made, history is a good indicator...11 years..

 

Sheryl.

 

I know this took you by surprise but your MD office has to ask these questions of every patient regardlesss of how many years they have known you.

 

When they have a survey the credentialing agency can pull any record of any patient. They will be looking for certain items to be done and these types of questions have been something that these agencies have been pushing for years. If your MD does not ask these questions they can lose their credential and not be able to receive payment for services.

 

Your MD is not trying to upsurp your parenting authority ....he is just wanting to make sure he can keep his practice open and get paid!

Not a great system but it is what we have to work with. I suspect these types of situations are only going to become more problematic and frequent.

 

THat said. With my older kids I talked with them before each MD office about how to deal with personal questions. The MD would ask to speak with them privately and my kids would respond "I would prefer to have my parent present and I will not answer any questions if they are not present". We never had an office refuse this request but if we did we would leave at this point.

 

Eventually they did prefer to have privacy and not have mama present but it was on their own individual timetable not that of a credentialling agency.

 

HTH

[Tidbits of Learning]

I'm going to be honest. I don't like these type of questionnaires at all. I don't think they should be standard. I understand that their are children doing these things. I understand that they need someone to reach out to them, but realistically a questionnaire is not going to inspire one to share confidences. BTW, I have filled out one almost identical as a freshman in public high school years ago. It didn't inspire confidences then either.

Gee, I am 10 or 11 and the dr. hands a form to me in front of my parents. Should I answer that I am having sex? I'm scared that I may have an STD?

However, my soon to be 10 year old would probably not know what in the world the acronyms meant and would totally fudge the thing up and then ask me questions later. I could see the dr.'s office calling now. Um...Mrs. ___, B has filled in several questions peculiarly and we need you to bring her back in.

I'm sure the public school system regularly hands out these forms starting in 6th grade. My mom would have been horrified had I brought her home the forms they handed out at my high school.

So it has just went younger and younger.

[Barry Goldwater]

"Is this a "standard" policy now? Should it be? OR, should it be based on verbal dialog with parent/s and/or visual observation of child? My dd JUST turned 11 and does NOT know what s** is, we haven't studied biology yet in science. Even so............"

 

I think this is coming from AMA or American Pediatrics Assoc. I too share the outrage as a Christian, Homeschool family with "traditional, biblical" values regarding sex, purity, and marriage. I think they're obnoxious questions for an 11 yr old.

 

Is the AMA pushing a "liberal" agenda? Or responding to a reality that sex among minors is increasingly common? Chicken/egg thing.

 

It's common bureaucrat policy..."we have to ask everyone, blah blah."

 

You were well within your rights to decline to answer. But I think your DR. was just "doing his job," for the sake of the potential abuse victims that are out there. Once I got a question when I brought in my 2 yr old for checkup, "do you have guns in the house?" I also declined to answer...she didn't ask whether we had a swimming pool (pool accidents kill more kids than gun accidents). But public policy agendas are creeping into healthcare all the time in US. Expect more of this in the future.

[QueenCat]

Doctors feel that a parent can intimidate a child in cases of abuse. That is our health care system.

 

Doctors KNOW that abusive parents intimidate their children. And the doctor absolutely should follow the law, and report suspected abuse. And they should ask ALL children enough questions to make sure abuse is not hidden in that household. What is sad is that abuse does happen, and it happens in all kinds of families, from all schooling methods, religions, and economic levels.

[stripe]

I think it could be more appropriate to discuss these sorts of things than hand a child a questionnaire.

 

I don't think a "history" of being sexually not active at age 11 really means much, since at some point, most people go from being not active, to being active.

 

I do think, however, that at some point, and probably before the age of 20, a doctor might find it relevant to the patient's health to consider the patient's sexual behavior. I am not sure it has to be done in an way that "encourages" sexual experimentation.

[Orthodox6]

I think what would upset me most about this (honestly, make me mad) is giving the form directly to my dd instead of asking me if it was okay if my dd answered it. I understand that these questions need to be asked, and probably more often than I'm aware of, but they do not need to be asked of my dd. I know those questions would upset my 12 yr. old dd. I wouldn't deal well with anyone trying to circumvent my parental authority and ask my dd questions without my knowledge.

 

Then again I can see cases where perhaps parents are trying to hide abusive situations or situations where the child is afraid to admit they're s*xually active in front of the parent yet for the doctor to treat the patient, they should have that information.

 

This is so frustrating. I don't want my child approached with this kind of stuff, yet I realize there are many families in different circumstances. I don't have a good answer to it.

 

This is a good post.

 

If a doctor or nurse gave any kind of a form to my minor child, circumventing me, that would be deliberately sneaky behaviour (and unacceptable).

 

Until a child turns 18, it is my obligation as a parent to remain in a room with any kind of a professional unless child and I agree between ourselves (unimpeded by interference) that I should leave the room.

 

Commenting on Ishki's second paragraph, I certainly hope it would be nonnegotiable state law for a physician to inform the parent(s) of any sxl activity on the part of a minor.

 

DD's doctor already has tried to push me on the Gardasil issue. We have a good relationship; this was the first ever "bump" in the road. I told her that I had allowed her to speak her piece, and that she now may desist from raising the topic again.

[jplain]

Sexual activity is a legitimate health issue. Knowing whether or not a child is sexually active is important for providing appropriate health care. Asking the question is not encroaching on a parent's authority. Nor is it going to encourage a child who is not sexually active to become sexually active. (Do we give our children so little credit that we think a simple question will trigger sexual activity? :blink:) However, I think a ped would be wise to call ahead and give the parent a heads up that this question will be brought up, along with a brief explanation of why the question is being asked. That way the parent won't be caught off guard, and has a chance to have "the talk" before the office visit.

 

And if you haven't had "the talk" with your child by age 12, you're behind schedule.

Get to it, because if you don't, your child will get (mis)information from peers.

[MariannNOVA]

I think it could be more appropriate to discuss these sorts of things than hand a child a questionnaire.

 

 

 

:iagree: The pediatrician we went to when the two olders were kids would initiate conversation with them about such topics (after asking me if it was ok). But, that was 'health care' way back then: mid-1980s. I paid for the visit cash (it was in the neighborhood of $40.), never paid attention to health insurance (which we had, and we had fine coverage), and the nurse would call our name to come to the doctor's office, and she would prepare a receipt at the end of the visit. But, that WAS then.

[momofkhm]

but from what others here have told me, it's very common practice here.

[fivetails]

 

Until a child turns 18, it is my obligation as a parent to remain in a room with any kind of a professional unless child and I agree between ourselves (unimpeded by interference) that I should leave the room.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

I don't know if it's a Canadian vs American thing, but I've never had a doctor ask me to go away -- and I wouldn't, ESPECIALLY not where we live now. We've had a few different doctors here because the turnover is high, and I'm sorry but I am NOT leaving my daughter alone in a room with some strange man that I don't know from a hole in the ground. No way, no how, NOT happening.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm trying to think this through as objectively as I can. When I go to the Dr. for the first time, I will fill out a medical history form. It asks me if I smoke and if so, how often. It asks me if I drink and if so, how often. It asks me if I use illegal drugs. It asks me if I've been pregnant. And I think I remember being asked if I use birth control and if so, what kind. It asks me if I've been tested for HIV or if I've had any STDs. It asks me if I feel depressed. And some forms nowadays will have a blurb where they ask me if I want to talk to someone about domestic violence issues. I guess I can see this being the equivalent of that - but done at a later date because the child is now enough for some of the questions to be relevant.

 

What makes me uncomfortable is that as an adult, I can answer those questions without any angst or even much thought. I think it would be more difficult for a child - esp. if they are encouraged to do it without input from their parents.

[KJB]

Just wanted to add:

 

It is totally appropriate for the doctor to give the form to the child. The doctor's patient is the child. A doctor's job is to take care of the health and welfare of the child.

 

A parent who is abusive wouldn't let their child fill out the form if she read it first. A child who is sexually active is more likely to write it on the form than to speak it aloud in front of their mother.

 

A parent has the right to request that such conversations not occur, but it is prudent and good medicine for a doctor to attempt to gather as much information as she can about the patient. This is true even if the patient is uncomfortable about the topic (weight, sex, family history, etc.)

[StartingOver]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

It's also important to realize that the MD office is asking these types of questions to children going into 6th grade because the credentialing agency that surveys this office has made it a requirement.

 

Since your MD put the questions in a form and didn't mention it when you refused, it is likely he thinks the same as you do about asking for this information. Most offices would just ask you to leave the room then ask the child without a parent present.

 

I have no issue with the questions. I would have no issue with my child filling it out, I wouldn't even look, as I do respect their privacy.

 

But I would be irate if anyone in my peds office asked that I leave the room. My child, my responsibility. In 22 years of parenting the only time I have left my child alone with medical professionals was for surgery !

Edited June 9, 2010 by alatexan68

[Terabith]

Honestly, from a public health point of view, I think this is a form that kids SHOULD fill out, and quite frankly, I think they should fill it out in private. Those are topics that a doctor NEEDS to know the answers to, to properly care for the health of his patients. And it is absolutely true, an 11 year old (or a 17 year old) is probably not going to answer those things honestly in front of their parent. I don't see it as circumventing parental authority at all. It is taking a health history, which is clearly the physician's job.

 

I understand how it would take you by surprise. It would me. But, I would not be at all offended. It is a policy that is practice wide. It's not personal. It's not particularly invasive. He's not insisting on a pelvic exam, or even tests for STDs. He's asking a question.

 

I absolutely think an 11 year old needs to know what s*x is. But then, I think this is one of those topics that is best taught when children are young and then continue to discuss. My kids were told where babies came from, and that what is done to conceive is called s*x, by the time they were about 4. They know about menstruation and that it comes from the shedding of the lining of the uterus when there is no baby growing there, because they have followed me into the bathroom since they were babies and they ask. I think they needed to know the anatomically correct names for body parts of both boys and girls, and they needed to know about private parts and bad touches, even though they are never apart from us. They know about our faith and beliefs on these things (at this point they know, "This is something married people do.") Things can happen, and knowledge is good. We've kept it VERY casual, and I don't think innocence is affected at all. As they get older, I plan to continue our talks and to talk a lot about WHY to wait and what all is on the table. It's really not any different than learning about washing hands to prevent germs and healthy eating. It's just stuff to know about, but as kids approach puberty and adolescence, things do come up, and I would hate for a child to get into a confusing or frightening situation and not know what it is and why it is not a good idea. I would hate for them to be easily manipulated due to a lack of knowledge.