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I gasped at my dd's annual pediatric visit just hours ago...


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Commenting on Ishki's second paragraph, I certainly hope it would be nonnegotiable state law for a physician to inform the parent(s) of any sxl activity on the part of a minor.

 

Nope. At least here in CA. My DH is a family practitioner and deals with these issues on a frequent basis. Once the child is of reproductive age and seeking reproductive health services without the presence of a parent, the doctor is prohibited from sharing that information with the parent without the consent of the patient.

 

That means your daughter can hop a bus or catch a ride from a friend and go to the doctor for reproductive services without your knowledge. Or (reason number 5,649,302,000 to home school) the school nurse can take your daughter off campus to get reproductive health services.

 

Pretty ironic that in every other realm of your child's care, the doc or school nurse can't administer so much as a Tylenol without your consent. But where reproduction is concerned, they are considered of legal age to consent on their own.

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But then, I think this is one of those topics that is best taught when children are young and then continue to discuss.
:iagree:

This allows the discussion to be nonchalant and matter-of-fact, so the topic doesn't take on an unintended "aura" that may make it harder for communication to continue.

 

In fact, I'm kind of annoyed that my 6.5yo hasn't asked for more detail yet. :glare: I'm ready, so bring on the questions! :tongue_smilie: I bet she'll want to know the specifics of dinosaur reproduction before she gets interested in human reproduction. Oh well, maybe the 4yo will get curious soon. We will definitely be covering reproduction in an age-appropriate but sufficiently detailed manner during our upcoming study of the human body.

Edited by jplain
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In fact, I'm kind of annoyed that my 6.5yo hasn't asked for more detail yet. :glare: I'm ready, so bring on the questions! :tongue_smilie: I bet she'll want to know the specifics of dinosaur reproduction before she gets interested in human reproduction. Oh well, maybe the 4yo will get curious soon. We will definitely be covering reproduction in an age-appropriate but sufficiently detailed manner during our upcoming study of the human body.

 

It wasn't something I waited for questions on, other than periods. I read them a couple books on the topic that I picked out, just like I pick out books on many other subjects.

 

My kids have learned a great deal about animal reproduction just from books about animals. My then four year old created her own ecosystem consisting of dinosaurs, unicorns, these cat like animals, and a few other things. She described their diets and the food chain, methods of mating/ reproduction, and what they did in their spare time.....

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Actually, this is common and it is a physician's place to know if his young patients are sexually active.

 

My dh has delivered a baby for a girl who was 12. She was 11 when she became pregnant....

 

How a child is doing in school is an indicator of depression. This is a health care issue.

 

How a child's family life is can lead to responses which uncover abuse. A doctor is a mandatory reporter.

 

These questions are sadly appropriate. I truly understand how you feel, as I have a 13 year old daughter.

 

Unfortunatethis is life. The dr can't make judgment calls as to who might need to fill out the form. Every time I go to the dr, I have to fill out a new history of what's happened since I was last there. I don't see this as any different.

 

Plus, honestly I would so hate to think that I am so good great awesome parent that my child hides nothing from me/My child can tell me anything/My child can speak to me about it all/My child is completely open with me camp and then find out that it ain't so. At least, I know she is under the care of a dr who has ALL issues on his radar just in case I have badly badly misjudge my relationship with my child. JUST IN CASE. My mom felt we could talk to her about anything. I wouldn't tell my mom I was even engaged. Much less tell her I had s*x. She felt that I would.:confused:

 

And unless your child is in your sight 24/7 around all people, you can't know exactly what they are doing. I like to think that I can. I know that 99% of the time I know what they are doing away from me. But so do a lot of parents that find out their kids are making out in the den or by the pool. If you allow your kids to play with other kids(including same gender) out of your sight, there is a possibility something happened however remote it may be. The dr has a responsibility to his patient, not you.

 

And it will still make me mad as a wet hen when our ped does this with my kids. It will still make me mad. :glare:

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Nope. At least here in CA. My DH is a family practitioner and deals with these issues on a frequent basis. Once the child is of reproductive age and seeking reproductive health services without the presence of a parent, the doctor is prohibited from sharing that information with the parent without the consent of the patient.

 

That means your daughter can hop a bus or catch a ride from a friend and go to the doctor for reproductive services without your knowledge. Or (reason number 5,649,302,000 to home school) the school nurse can take your daughter off campus to get reproductive health services.

 

Pretty ironic that in every other realm of your child's care, the doc or school nurse can't administer so much as a Tylenol without your consent. But where reproduction is concerned, they are considered of legal age to consent on their own.

 

 

If I recall the details correctly, there was a thread earlier this year regarding news stories about a child (not an adult) who had an abortion without benefit of parental knowledge, by being whisked off-campus to a "mill".

 

Why does the U.S. even maintain the fiction of "legal age" for any area of life ???

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Just wanted to add:

 

It is totally appropriate for the doctor to give the form to the child. The doctor's patient is the child. A doctor's job is to take care of the health and welfare of the child.

 

 

Yes, but.... My 12 yr old dd can't call the doctor's office and make an appointment on her own. She can't buy a health insurance policy on her own. She can't make the decision to have some medical procedure. She can't pay the fees they charge. I have to do those things for her. This is a patient who is under age and can't even get herself to the doctor's office on her own. I understand the child is the patient and that is who the doctor is taking care of, but in this case the patient is underage, incapable financially/legally of dealing with the medical community. I'm the responsibility party.

 

I feel as though my parental duties/rights - whatever you call them - are being overlooked because of those parents who do not accept their parental responsibilities. Again, I don't have an issue with those questions being asked of my child; I have an issue with those questions being asked without my knowledge because, as I said, I'm the legal guardian who is responsible for this minor child.

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My ds turned 11 last fall. I took him to his check up. The physician asked him point blank, right in front of me, if he had ever tried drugs or alcohol. Then he asked him if he was sexually active.

 

I think these sorts of questions are becoming more common at a young age. I don't think that they are inappropriate. I instructed my ds to answer the questions truthfully. If the answer to any of those questions is yes then of course the physician needs to know.

 

When we left I explained to my ds why the doctor would ask those types of questions as well as the importance of answering truthfully.

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Guest ToGMom
Plus, honestly I would so hate to think that I am so good great awesome parent that my child hides nothing from me/My child can tell me anything/My child can speak to me about it all/My child is completely open with me camp and then find out that it ain't so. At least, I know she is under the care of a dr who has ALL issues on his radar just in case I have badly badly misjudge my relationship with my child. JUST IN CASE. My mom felt we could talk to her about anything. I wouldn't tell my mom I was even engaged. Much less tell her I had s*x. She felt that I would.:confused:

 

I don't know that this was directed toward me or not...if so, my relationship with my daughter has absolutely NOTHING to do with me thinking I'm a "good great awesome parent". (your words)

 

It has to do with the fact that we value honesty...she knows she can come to me with ANYTHING and we will discuss it openly and HONESTLY. She knows she can trust me and I know I can trust her -- without a shadow of a doubt. This is something we have worked on since she was able to talk.

 

I'm sorry that you didn't have that type of relationship with your mother...I really am. But, it doesn't mean that others don't...

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I'm sorry that you didn't have that type of relationship with your mother...I really am. But, it doesn't mean that others don't...

 

:iagree:

 

My older children knew they could talk to me too. We had an open line of communication from early on. My children did come to me to discuss disease and pregnancy prevention, and other subjects normally considered taboo, they still do. Thankfully !

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I know my teenager thinks its funny how many of her friends parents think they have a wonderful, open relationship with their kids when they really have no clue (including two friends who were homeschooled until high school).

 

When dd was about that age, the doctor (female) did ask her to come into the exam room alone before she undressed for a minute along with a (female) nurse. It ended up being very quick and she told me later it was basically they just asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about without me there - sex, drugs, whatever. I had no problem with it - I'd want her to have someone to discuss things with if she wasn't comfortable with me. I would only object to something like this if I had something I wanted her to hide. I'm taking her to her first GYN appointment soon and she's already indicated that she wants me in the room with her.

 

When I was pregnant with ds, I had to go to the hospital for my ultrasound and they had me come in the hallway without dh so they could ask me questions about whether I was afraid of him, in an abusive relationship, etc.

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Yes, but.... My 12 yr old dd can't call the doctor's office and make an appointment on her own. She can't buy a health insurance policy on her own. She can't make the decision to have some medical procedure. She can't pay the fees they charge. I have to do those things for her. This is a patient who is under age and can't even get herself to the doctor's office on her own. I understand the child is the patient and that is who the doctor is taking care of, but in this case the patient is underage, incapable financially/legally of dealing with the medical community. I'm the responsibility party.

 

I feel as though my parental duties/rights - whatever you call them - are being overlooked because of those parents who do not accept their parental responsibilities. Again, I don't have an issue with those questions being asked of my child; I have an issue with those questions being asked without my knowledge because, as I said, I'm the legal guardian who is responsible for this minor child.

 

I appreciate what you're saying, but if *you* pick out the doctor, and *you* drive your child to the doctor, and *you* consent to treatment/exam of your child, then you should let the doctor decide if the questions are appropriate or not.

 

He's the one who is the doctor. He knows what questions need to be asked in order to best do his job.

 

You have asked a professional to take care of your child. If you want to home-doctor, then stay home, kwim? That is also 100% your choice.

 

(This is supposed to read in a friendly tone. Don't mean to sound snippy, so I apologize if I do.)

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Just wanted to add:

 

It is totally appropriate for the doctor to give the form to the child. The doctor's patient is the child. A doctor's job is to take care of the health and welfare of the child.

 

 

No, it's a parent's job to take care of the health and welfare of the child. I hire a doctor when necessary to assist me in that task.

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I know my teenager thinks its funny how many of her friends parents think they have a wonderful, open relationship with their kids when they really have no clue (including two friends who were homeschooled until high school).

 

.

:iagree::iagree:

 

One of our longterm hsing friends recently had a baby. We knew she was pregnant months before her mother. Her mother would describe their relationship as open, honest, no secrets, etc. and she refused to talk with my kid after being approached to talk about some of the behaviors that the friend was engaged in.

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OK, that's another thread....when is the best time to have THE TALK? Woudl it depend on the emotional maturity of the child?

 

He asked questions about the upcoming birth of his brother. I answered them honestly. We have added in more information as he got older and recently gave him a couple of books to read. He can't remember not knowing the basics - there was no shock or attraction in the information, as it was just a normal part of his learning about the world.

 

Laura

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No, it's a parent's job to take care of the health and welfare of the child. I hire a doctor when necessary to assist me in that task.

 

You hire a doctor because they have expertise in health care. Presumably, they know something about health care that you do not.

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You hire a doctor because they have expertise in health care. Presumably, they know something about health care that you do not.

 

Obviously my drs know things about health care that I do not; that's why we hire them. That doesn't make it ok to talk to my 11 yo about sex or anything unrelated to the visit unless I approve the conversation or form. Fortunately, we've always been able to find drs that respect and trust the parental role. We had a pediatrician for the first month of dd8's life that did not, which is why we only stayed with that practice for a month.

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Guest ToGMom
No, it's a parent's job to take care of the health and welfare of the child. I hire a doctor when necessary to assist me in that task.

 

:iagree: It's NOT their job to decide at what age a child can "handle" sensitive information; it *IS* their job to treat the child AFTER talking with the parent and agreeing on a course of action.

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As a pediatric nurse in a private practice, these types of forms were routine and the questions asked of all children age 10 and older. We were not allowed to discriminate based on whether or not we thought the child was sexually active. It was a form required by the state department of health.

 

And, I can tell you that on more than once occasion, I was completely shocked by which children were sexually active and at what age. And, not being judgemental here, just stating what I observed.....the children who were most often sexually active were from the most conservative, church going homes (speaking as a conservative, church goer myself, this is not an indictment of any kind), and their parents had. no. clue. And, I am not directing this to anyone specifically, just stating what I saw. These were also children who were less likely to use birth control and therefore more likely to harbor STDs or be pregnant. These were also children who had no idea that *ral s*x was still s*x and could transmit STDs to the participents. It made for some sad situations.....and more pregnant 11 and 12 years olds and pre-teens with herpes infections than I can count.

 

In fact, as an example, a parent brought her dd in for menstual problems and was told her dd had endometriosis. When her mother asked what potential problems this could cause in the future, my ped mentioned several, including difficulty in conceiving. This girl took it to mean that she COULDN'T get pregnant and went out and had s*x. She returned three months later....three months pregnant.

 

Bottom line? Communicate. Tell your children all about reproduction and exactly how they can get pregnant. I also saw teens who came in thinking they couldn't get pregnant because they didn't do the deed exactly the way it was described in their health book. It's hard and sometimes embarrassing to be blunt with your kids, but it is absolutely necessary in this day and age. The stuff I heard children talk about doing left me speechless and sad, but it's happening. And, with good children from good homes.

 

Also, please understand that most forms like the ones the original poster described have been mandated by law and if your ped wants to stay licensed, they must be filled out. If a parent chooses not to, that it perfectly ok, but in some cases, they must sign a form stating so. If you're concerned about it, then ask the nurse when you call to make an appointment if such topics will be brought up during the exam. Tell them you want to "opt out" and remind them again when you get to the office before the exam begins. It shouldn't be a problem at all to do that.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

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I appreciate what you're saying, but if *you* pick out the doctor, and *you* drive your child to the doctor, and *you* consent to treatment/exam of your child, then you should let the doctor decide if the questions are appropriate or not.

 

He's the one who is the doctor. He knows what questions need to be asked in order to best do his job.

 

You have asked a professional to take care of your child. If you want to home-doctor, then stay home, kwim? That is also 100% your choice.

 

(This is supposed to read in a friendly tone. Don't mean to sound snippy, so I apologize if I do.)

 

It's not the questions I object to, and I don't find them inappropriate coming from a doctor. It's if the questions were presented to my child without my knowledge. I want to know and believe I have the right to know what they're discussing because I am the responsible parent. Just as the doctor can't treat the patient without certain knowledge, I can't address issues and be a parent if I don't know what's going on.

 

Actually, I've never had this happen. Even when I took my older dd to my gyn I was present in the examining room. My dd wanted me there, and the doctor never asked me to leave. All questions were asked in my presence. Of course, since she was 17 yrs. old at the time and getting ready to leave home, had she not wanted me there, I wouldn't have been there. However, if it was my 12 yr. old dd, I do find those circumstances very different because of her age.

 

Oh, and I didn't think you were snippy. I'm not being snippy, either. Just trying to figure out why I feel the way I do.

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I don't know that this was directed toward me or not...if so, my relationship with my daughter has absolutely NOTHING to do with me thinking I'm a "good great awesome parent". (your words)

 

It has to do with the fact that we value honesty...she knows she can come to me with ANYTHING and we will discuss it openly and HONESTLY. She knows she can trust me and I know I can trust her -- without a shadow of a doubt. This is something we have worked on since she was able to talk.

 

I'm sorry that you didn't have that type of relationship with your mother...I really am. But, it doesn't mean that others don't...

 

I know my teenager thinks its funny how many of her friends parents think they have a wonderful, open relationship with their kids when they really have no clue (including two friends who were homeschooled until high school).

 

......

When I was pregnant with ds, I had to go to the hospital for my ultrasound and they had me come in the hallway without dh so they could ask me questions about whether I was afraid of him, in an abusive relationship, etc.

 

 

Not directed at you! :001_smile: Just musing outloud the fear that what if I get deluded into thinking that is our relationship and it's not? I've worked really hard on that with mine as well and I really hope that as they go into those teens and step beyond me that the relationship does stay that way. There seems to b a change sometimes that parents don't catch between 12ish and 15. that open honest relationship just doesn't continue for whatever reason. And if it does change, then at least the dr might catch what my child won't tell me for whatever reason. IRL I know two couples suddenly face to face with the change that they didn't catch. It's heartwrenching. And then others that their kids can't stop talking. They all seemed to do the same "stuff". What made the difference?

 

And my hubby was asked to step outside too so they could ask me if I was in an abusive relationship, given food, felt safe, and had electricity. My hubby felt like a dog and was ticked.

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Honestly, from a public health point of view, I think this is a form that kids SHOULD fill out, and quite frankly, I think they should fill it out in private. Those are topics that a doctor NEEDS to know the answers to, to properly care for the health of his patients. And it is absolutely true, an 11 year old (or a 17 year old) is probably not going to answer those things honestly in front of their parent. I don't see it as circumventing parental authority at all. It is taking a health history, which is clearly the physician's job.

 

I understand how it would take you by surprise. It would me. But, I would not be at all offended. It is a policy that is practice wide. It's not personal. It's not particularly invasive. He's not insisting on a pelvic exam, or even tests for STDs. He's asking a question.

 

I absolutely think an 11 year old needs to know what s*x is. But then, I think this is one of those topics that is best taught when children are young and then continue to discuss. My kids were told where babies came from, and that what is done to conceive is called s*x, by the time they were about 4. They know about menstruation and that it comes from the shedding of the lining of the uterus when there is no baby growing there, because they have followed me into the bathroom since they were babies and they ask. I think they needed to know the anatomically correct names for body parts of both boys and girls, and they needed to know about private parts and bad touches, even though they are never apart from us. They know about our faith and beliefs on these things (at this point they know, "This is something married people do.") Things can happen, and knowledge is good. We've kept it VERY casual, and I don't think innocence is affected at all. As they get older, I plan to continue our talks and to talk a lot about WHY to wait and what all is on the table. It's really not any different than learning about washing hands to prevent germs and healthy eating. It's just stuff to know about, but as kids approach puberty and adolescence, things do come up, and I would hate for a child to get into a confusing or frightening situation and not know what it is and why it is not a good idea. I would hate for them to be easily manipulated due to a lack of knowledge.

 

:iagree: As a nurse I have to agree since sadly many kids are having sex these days:( I also think a child should know the basics about sex around 8 or 9 IMHO to protect themselves. I also do not want my son learning the birds and the bees (especially an erroneous version) from some other kid first. I also am a strong mother hen, but I cannot prevent other kids out of ear shot telling my son about the birds and the bees which I suspect will happen sooner rather than later. I guess My dh and I will be having that sort of conversation soon with ds. I want him to learn these things from his parents first and I do not think knowledge taught in conjunction with values/beliefs will cause a kid to go and be promiscuous IMHO.

Edited by priscilla
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Can I ask if these kinds of questions/questionnaires only come up at yearly physicals? If we don't go to the physicals but only go for acute problems (ear aches etc.) would we avoid them?

 

Many doctors want you to maintain regular visits in order for them to handle acute problems. IMHO I think it is better to educate your own children first in the basics and not be concerned about screenings by the doctor,but that is just my honest opinion.

You could ask the doctor's nurses what the policies are as well, but again I think knowledge is a good thing:)

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Many doctors want you to maintain regular visits in order for them to handle acute problems. IMHO I think it is better to educate your own children first in the basics and not be concerned about screenings by the doctor,but that is just my honest opinion.

 

I asked because our pediatrician has actually asked us to only come in every couple of years (instead of every year) during my dc's teen years. He knows that I will come in if anything changes as far as normal health.

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I asked because our pediatrician has actually asked us to only come in every couple of years (instead of every year) during my dc's teen years. He knows that I will come in if anything changes as far as normal health.

 

I have heard of that as well which is a good thing. I have to go so often due to some medical issues. If he is willing to maintain you with every couple of years then that is great. I recommend asking them their policy so that you do not get dropped as a patient which I have heard of before:(

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I would have no problem with my childrens' doctor asking these questions or having them fill out a questionaire. HOWEVER- I happen to have a pediatrician that is a close personal friend of mine. If that were not the case, I would intercept the questionaire, as you did.

 

(I don't really see what the nurse being young and pregnant has to do with your situation though.)

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I wouldn't have exposed my dd to that line of questioning. Might as well be asking me if I'm unfaithful to my spouse 'to protect me from STDs'.

Maybe it's the libertarian in me, but I think people seriously need to mind their own business...regardless. If the child is complaining of morning sickness, or shows bruises on her exams, or obvious signs of medical problems or abuse, yeah. Ask. But don't subject someone who's never heard of it to that line of questioning. That's just out of bounds, in my opinion.

Kind of like asking a pregnant woman if she knows who her child's father is. Seriously. When did we start gambling against our children?

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I wouldn't have exposed my dd to that line of questioning. Might as well be asking me if I'm unfaithful to my spouse 'to protect me from STDs'.

Maybe it's the libertarian in me, but I think people seriously need to mind their own business...regardless. If the child is complaining of morning sickness, or shows bruises on her exams, or obvious signs of medical problems or abuse, yeah. Ask. But don't subject someone who's never heard of it to that line of questioning. That's just out of bounds, in my opinion.

 

 

Yep, exactly!!!! What will it be next?

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I heard about something like this from several parents here.

 

Apparently, kids who are assigned to the Pediatric Clinic (instead of Family Practice) go to the adolescent clinic once they turn 13. The Adolescent Clinic gives them a form similar to the one described by the OP. However, Family Practice doesn't do anything like that. So, lots of parents move their kids to Family Practice once they hit 13.

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Might as well be asking me if I'm unfaithful to my spouse 'to protect me from STDs'.

 

I am asked how many sexual partners I have at my annual exam. It's a medically relevant question.

 

 

I agree with Pretty in Pink.

 

eta:

OK...true, but if your dr knows you, and knows you're married....wouldn't you be offended?

 

No, I'm not offended. I've been asked. The doctor knows that I'm married because they can see who my dh is in my record. I've known too many unfaithful spouses to be offended. There isn't a look to it, you know.

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I also saw teens who came in thinking they couldn't get pregnant because they didn't do the deed exactly the way it was described in their health book.

 

:iagree: It is also common, IME, for teenaged girls to firmly believe they can tell who will be free of an STD. From my experience, it is any guy that rings their bells....those are the ones who are free of STDs.

 

And, hard to believe, nice girls sometimes believe the guy who says "I'm infertile".

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I am asked how many sexual partners I have at my annual exam. It's a medically relevant question.

 

Wow, I've never been asked that at my annual exam. Not even when I was single. I don't even think it's medically relevant, since it only takes one to pass on an STD.

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OK...true, but if your dr knows you, and knows you're married....wouldn't you be offended?

 

No; it's a question on my obgyn form for my annual exam, too. BUT, I'm an adult. Not an 11 year old kid. AND, if I were unfaithful to my husband (which I'm not!!), I wouldn't answer in the affirmative on that questionnaire, regardless. The answer to a question like that wouldn't be brought to first light in my doctor's ofc.

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I wouldn't have exposed my dd to that line of questioning. Might as well be asking me if I'm unfaithful to my spouse 'to protect me from STDs'.

 

Maybe it's the libertarian in me, but I think people seriously need to mind their own business...regardless.

 

But don't subject someone who's never heard of it to that line of questioning.

 

Many people aren't libertarian enough to refrain from suing if the doc does not follow standard practice.

 

And, yes, I've asked 100s of people if they have sexual partners outside of marriage. One timid man asked me if his answer would shock me (it was "no" :lol:). An 81 year old woman told me yes, she was married but was living with another man. "Living in sin?" I quipped. "It doesn't feel very sinful at our age," she shot back, "and I think my husband gets on with his gf better than me, anyway." She was very cute.

 

Thanks for the heads up. I will make sure my son has heard that line of questions by the time he is 11.

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AND, if I were unfaithful to my husband (which I'm not!!), I wouldn't answer in the affirmative on that questionnaire, regardless. The answer to a question like that wouldn't be brought to first light in my doctor's ofc.

 

It has never occurred to me to be dishonest with a physician. Huh. Even when I was a teenager I always answered their questions truthfully. My physician knew more about my sex life than my parents did, that's for sure.

 

May I ask why you would (theoretically) withhold that information from your doctor? I'm not trying to be snarky at all, just trying to understand.

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Wow, I've never been asked that at my annual exam. Not even when I was single. I don't even think it's medically relevant, since it only takes one to pass on an STD.

 

It is medically relevant whether or not you are currently in a monogamous relationship.

 

No; it's a question on my obgyn form for my annual exam, too. BUT, I'm an adult. Not an 11 year old kid.

 

This question wasn't asked of the kid, it was a hypothetical "what next?!" that many people have already experienced.

 

AND, if I were unfaithful to my husband (which I'm not!!), I wouldn't answer in the affirmative on that questionnaire, regardless. The answer to a question like that wouldn't be brought to first light in my doctor's ofc.

 

I don't understand that last bit. If someone is not monogamous, they already know it. It isn't being brought into the open just because you tell your doctor, unless your spouse is there.

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It's crazy. My daughter is only 10 but I plan on bringing this up at her next appointment later this month. I'd rather know beforehand what their policies are and be able to decide how I'm going to handle it, than be surprised. I was already shocked when I had to sign release forms to get my kids' blood lead results yesterday. I was told if they were 14, they'd have to sign the release forms giving me permission to get their results. I was like, "Excuse me?"

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It has never occurred to me to be dishonest with a physician. Huh. Even when I was a teenager I always answered their questions truthfully. My physician knew more about my sex life than my parents did, that's for sure.

 

May I ask why you would (theoretically) withhold that information from your doctor? I'm not trying to be snarky at all, just trying to understand.

 

Not taken as snarky :). I think along with infidelity goes a hefty handful of lies; not wanting to be caught, owning up to the situation, etc. No, if I were the type to have multiple partners during my marriage, I wouldn't tell my dr. Most likely, in my case, it would be the shame of having to face the doctor ever again. The same goes for being a child and having parents. I would need to "own up to" my parents for doing something "wrong". I would be terrified of the outcome and, as a child, would not tell someone I barely know.

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I have never taken kids to paediatrician. I never would answer a questionnaire like that. I understand they deal with a wide range of clientelle and they are probably trying to cover all bases from the most promiscuous up. As if an 11yo would answer truthfully in front of their parent anyway?

I would tell them that is completely innapropriate.

I dont do things just because it's someone's policy, thankyou very much.

Don't give your power up to any authority- none.

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This question wasn't asked of the kid, it was a hypothetical "what next?!" that many people have already experienced.

 

 

 

 

But how vast is the difference between "are you sexually active" (child) and "how many sexual partners do you have" (adult)?

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Not taken as snarky :). I think along with infidelity goes a hefty handful of lies; not wanting to be caught, owning up to the situation, etc. No, if I were the type to have multiple partners during my marriage, I wouldn't tell my dr. Most likely, in my case, it would be the shame of having to face the doctor ever again. The same goes for being a child and having parents. I would need to "own up to" my parents for doing something "wrong". I would be terrified of the outcome and, as a child, would not tell someone I barely know.

 

BUT (just thinking aloud and maybe needs a new thread?):

 

1. That's sort of assuming all people having multiple partners during marriage necessarily think it's wrong. Which, is not totally the case (not that I agree, I have very definite personal opinions that it's both wrong and a bad, bad, bad idea).

 

and

 

2. I think the sort of people who are having an affair without their partner knowing are the type of people who would necessarily be ashamed to tell their doctor. Sadly, it's been my experience that many of them will tell anyone they don't think will tell their spouse.

 

so

 

3. I think the types of people who would be so ashamed of their act that they couldn't even tell their doctor in order to protect their health are probably less likely to cheat in the first place. But, maybe that's just me?

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But how vast is the difference between "are you sexually active" (child) and "how many sexual partners do you have" (adult)?

 

For any child that answers yes to being sexually active, I hope that part of the ensuing discussion does cover the additional risks of having multiple sexual partners.

 

I agree. Once you are sexually active, you need to be having that conversation with your doctor.

 

Again, I'm not necessarily in favor of such a form with kids. I moved my kids *out* of the pediatric clinic when they hit that age and moved them to family practice where they don't receive that line of questioning. BUT...it's a difficult line and I can see why it would be included on a basic form by that age...sadly.

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It is medically relevant whether or not you are currently in a monogamous relationship.

 

 

If a person is sexually active, why does it matter (to a dr) whether they're in a monogamous relationship? I realize that more partners = more risk, but it still only takes one partner to pass on an STD, and it doesn't necessarily have to be the current partner. Herpes and AIDS (maybe others?) can lie dormant in one's body for years before symptoms appear. If a person's spouse is cheating, that person is not in a monogamous relationship even if they think they are, so the dr might not be getting accurate information even though the patient isn't lying.

 

If I were asked questions about my sex life beyond whether I'm sexually active, I would feel like my personal boundaries were crossed. I'm in my 40's and a doctor has never asked me how many partners I have or whether my relationship is monogamous. I was asked once whether my youngest dd has the same father as my older two, but we were discussing the risk of having HELLP syndrome again during the pregnancy, so it was a relevant question to that discussion.

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