I gasped at my dd's annual pediatric visit just hours ago...

[TxMama]

I agree. Once you are sexually active, you need to be having that conversation with your doctor.

 

Again, I'm not necessarily in favor of such a form with kids. I moved my kids *out* of the pediatric clinic when they hit that age and moved them to family practice where they don't receive that line of questioning. BUT...it's a difficult line and I can see why it would be included on a basic form by that age...sadly.

 

I did kinda just the opposite. I was with my kids when they were first asked these questions in the 11-12 age and encouraged them to be truthful and to trust their MDs. I wanted my kids to view their MDs as a resource if they did not wish to come to me with a questions.

 

I don't see how having a resource person for my kids is usurping my parental authority as a pp stated. We talk early and often about these topics and I give the facts and my opinions. I think that by being present when their docs ask them these questions....at least when they are younger..... and encouraging my kids to be honest and ask questions would make it less likely that my kids seek answers from peers who are clueless. If my kids do not wish to come to me with these questions I would rather they ask their MD than their friends.

[Tree House Academy]

Well...can't wait for that one this year at the old well check. *sigh*

[LauraGB]

3. I think the types of people who would be so ashamed of their act that they couldn't even tell their doctor in order to protect their health are probably less likely to cheat in the first place. But, maybe that's just me?

 

Nah, not just you. Hopefully it's the vast majority, but then again, I'm often surprised (enlightened, perhaps) by those you mention earlier - the ones who will tell anyone who won't tell their spouse.

 

So, yeah, probably a new thread :lol:.

[mycalling]

My 12yo DsD was just asked if she's "doing anything" by a dr. I knew something on that line was coming...since we were in there for menstrual issues and those things can cause them.

 

My DsD was embarrassed, but not as much as she was when one of the treatment options was birth control!:svengo: I guess I should have warned her about those things before we went, but I was only thinking about preparing her for the blood draw.

[Catherine]

think and behave like normal adolescents. They don't. The doctor's office staff and the doctor may be some of the only trustworthy adults that child has any contact with. The child is likely to not have parents who know or care much about their sexual activity. Though I'm not a pediatrician, I know the it's not terribly unusual for these forms to turn up all kinds of stuff. Sexual activity in adolescents is almost always an exploitative situation, and on some level the child is aware of this and will reveal it to an adult who might be trying to help them.

[freetobeme]

i did not read any of this thread, but i have three daughters: 16,15, and 12. . . and none of them have ever been asked these questions. and i would willingly leave the room if asked by them or their doctor to do so. i guess i shouldn't be surprised. . .but, wow! i am sorry!

[justamouse]

Nope. At least here in CA. My DH is a family practitioner and deals with these issues on a frequent basis. Once the child is of reproductive age and seeking reproductive health services without the presence of a parent, the doctor is prohibited from sharing that information with the parent without the consent of the patient.

 

 

I see Drs as health ADVOCATES. Your child's Dr is their advocate apart from you. If they need RHS then as their advocate they are to remain non judgmental and help the patient. I am glad the Dr can't share the information, I think it goes against Dr/Client privledge and people need to know that trusting their Dr is a safe thing to do. I would hope that if my daughter felt the need to circumvent me, there was another adult she could go to for health issues. Better a blow to MY pride than to have her sick with something for the rest of her life.

 

When my daughter had to get ginormous cysts removed, it was her first time to the obgyn. She was *mortified*, and I was protective. BUT I made her fill out the forms herself, she needs to learn how, and she went into the Drs office by herself. I also made sure that SHE knew that she was to go to that Dr for ANY reason, that I trusted that Dr to take care of her in any way my daughter needed. I also told her that I would help her with whatever she needed or wanted, but that if she ever felt she couldn't come to me, she DID have a professional she could trust. I also told her to be completely honest with the Dr, that she couldn't help my daughter if she didn't know the truth. I was teaching her how to advocate for herself and how you choose a Dr.

 

As a pediatric nurse in a private practice, these types of forms were routine and the questions asked of all children age 10 and older. We were not allowed to discriminate based on whether or not we thought the child was sexually active. It was a form required by the state department of health.

 

And, I can tell you that on more than once occasion, I was completely shocked by which children were sexually active and at what age. And, not being judgemental here, just stating what I observed.....the children who were most often sexually active were from the most conservative, church going homes (speaking as a conservative, church goer myself, this is not an indictment of any kind), and their parents had. no. clue. And, I am not directing this to anyone specifically, just stating what I saw. These were also children who were less likely to use birth control and therefore more likely to harbor STDs or be pregnant. These were also children who had no idea that *ral s*x was still s*x and could transmit STDs to the participents. It made for some sad situations.....and more pregnant 11 and 12 years olds and pre-teens with herpes infections than I can count.

 

In fact, as an example, a parent brought her dd in for menstual problems and was told her dd had endometriosis. When her mother asked what potential problems this could cause in the future, my ped mentioned several, including difficulty in conceiving. This girl took it to mean that she COULDN'T get pregnant and went out and had s*x. She returned three months later....three months pregnant.

 

Bottom line? Communicate. Tell your children all about reproduction and exactly how they can get pregnant. I also saw teens who came in thinking they couldn't get pregnant because they didn't do the deed exactly the way it was described in their health book. It's hard and sometimes embarrassing to be blunt with your kids, but it is absolutely necessary in this day and age. The stuff I heard children talk about doing left me speechless and sad, but it's happening. And, with good children from good homes.

 

Also, please understand that most forms like the ones the original poster described have been mandated by law and if your ped wants to stay licensed, they must be filled out. If a parent chooses not to, that it perfectly ok, but in some cases, they must sign a form stating so. If you're concerned about it, then ask the nurse when you call to make an appointment if such topics will be brought up during the exam. Tell them you want to "opt out" and remind them again when you get to the office before the exam begins. It shouldn't be a problem at all to do that.

 

Diane W.

 

 

You are made of all things awesome and win.

Edited June 10, 2010 by justamouse

[Joker]

I keep reading in this thread about some drs needing to use these questions because there are so many kids out there who have parents who don't care and are not involved. This might be a stupid question, but are these same parents actually going to be taking their children to a pediatrician for checkups?

 

I assume that since I've had the same ped. for six years that she knows our family and will not assume that our kids have a horrible home life and need a safe dr to turn to. I would be pretty offended if she thought otherwise. So, if I put myself in the OP's shoes with a visit to my dd's regular ped. I would be upset. If this was a visit to a new dr. or a clinic of sorts then I would accept it as policy and move on.

 

ETA: I have never been asked on a form at the GYN if I have multiple partners or the number of partners I've had. I am asked if I am sexually active and if I use birth control - that's been it.

[Mrs Mungo]

The UN Rights of the Child may be soon ratified in our country and THEN wait for the law to tell us how to raise our kids. Sad. :confused:

 

Ugh! Why is this brought up all the time here? Reid v. Covert, people.

[jplain]

This might be a stupid question, but are these same parents actually going to be taking their children to a pediatrician for checkups?

Yes, because annual physicals are required in many school districts.

They're also required for summer camps and sports participation.

[Wheres Toto]

It's not only kids with horrid homelifes that are having sex. Some kids with wonderful, caring parents have sex. Some kids with distant, uncommunicative parents who still take care of their basic health needs have sex. Some kids with completely detached, abusive parents have sex. Unfortunately you hear about kids being sexually abused all the time and their parents had no idea it was happening.

 

My daughter has 4 friends who got pregnant in their teens - one was a friend from when she was in Catholic school, had a very involved, single mom and got pregnant at 14. One had parents undergoing a divorce and was pregnant at 15. The other two had fairly average appearing homelifes and got pregnant at 16.

[Joker]

Yes, because annual physicals are required in many school districts.

They're also required for summer camps and sports participation.

 

Gotcha - since I homeschool I wasn't thinking about these things.

[IsabelC]

Most 11yo girls aren't sexually active. But, of those who are, in many cases the parents would be unaware of this. Therefore it's understandable why a health professional might ask a girl. (As a general procedure, of course, not in relation to the OPs daughter in particular.) With some young people becoming sexually active at a young age, and some parents choosing not to teach children much/anything about sex, it is likely that there will be girls who become active without being aware of what they could do to reduce some of the risks. Which is where the medical professional comes in.

 

I can also see that these questions would be confronting and inappropriate for some parents and girls. But is it something worth getting angry about? I would either let my daughter answer them 'no' or 'n/a' or leave blank as she prefers, or stop visiting that pediatrician if you feel that strongly about it. We don't take our children to regular health checks, but I do remember back Before Kids when I used to donate blood, and they asked each time whether I had been injecting drugs, how many men and women I'd had sex with, etc; I did feel a little bit indignant but just tried not to take it personally.

[TravelingChris]

My 13 yo and my 16 yo went for physicals since their adolescent doctors wanted them to have it. I personally don't see much of an issue since both girls see drs. multiple times a year to follow them on their individual medical problems but they insisted so we did it. Both physicians talked with my girls and by talking with them could figure out which specific questions to ask. My older dd's gynecologist hasn't bothered my dd about bc control or unplanned pregnancies or anything like that because between talking to both me and my daughter, she could quickly tell that my daughter wasn't at risk at this time. All of these doctors including the pediatrician in Florida had Gardisil posters up and none have bothered us about it. FOr everyone who keeps saying well you never know type thing, well actually I do. I knew in jr. high, I knew in high school, I knew in college who was at risk and who wasn't. It wasn't any surprise to me which girls ended up pregnant and which didn't. So if some doctor came in heavy handed with this type of attitude, I would think they are very poor readers of people and not the type of doctor I want. I don't mean that they can't ask things surrounding the issue in a gentle manner= are there any questions you have about growing up type thig for an eleven year old. Other ways to ascertain the same information is to ask questions about friends or classmates and see the reaction= do you have friends or classmates who drink or take drugs? type questions. And no, I have never in 25 years of marriage had any doctor ask me if I have been unfaithful. All they ask you is any chance of getting pregnant and I answer no, my husband has had the operation and had it checked as required. THey sometimes ask about sexual history and I truthfully answer that I have only been with my husband. One ancillary reason I am happy I no longer go to military doctors is that I no longer have to be asked stupid questions or have my children asked stupid questions.

[LunaLee]

It does not surprise me. When I took my dd in for her sports physical she was given a ghonoreah (sp?) test, which is now standard practice here for pre-teen and teen kids.

[DianeW88]

You are made of all things awesome and win.

 

Oh, wow, thank you so much!! I needed that today! :D

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

 

PS. My ob/gyn also has the nurse ask the "are you monogamous" question, because if you answer that you are, then they won't test you for the entire battery of STDs that they will if you answer the question negatively. Of course, they DON'T ask if your spouse is monogamous yet, but maybe next time.....:lol:

[buddhabelly]

There must be some new protocol. The doctor asked him if he "and his dad" had had a talk about sex. I said no, but he and I had. (His father would have been mortified, but I have bought him every book on the planet and answered a myriad of questions on the topic.) He also wanted to make sure that my son knew the correct words for the body parts, and didn't use the slang that he might have picked up from peers.

 

At the time, I thought it was because we have been homeschoolers for all these years, and the doctor wanted to make sure that my son knew about sex. Some of my acquaintances who homeschool for religious reasons don't include quite as much sex ed as we do in our homeschool! :lol: (The doc was an older fellow, and he spoke about things like respect and morals instead of giving any real factual information. Very cute.) I, too, wish we had been given a heads up. We were just there for vaccinations!

 

Julie

[asta]

Wow, I've never been asked that at my annual exam. Not even when I was single. I don't even think it's medically relevant, since it only takes one to pass on an STD.

 

Statistics. The more partners, the higher the probability of contracting an STD, whether or not it has "surfaced".

 

 

I did kinda just the opposite. I was with my kids when they were first asked these questions in the 11-12 age and encouraged them to be truthful and to trust their MDs. I wanted my kids to view their MDs as a resource if they did not wish to come to me with a questions.

 

I don't see how having a resource person for my kids is usurping my parental authority as a pp stated. We talk early and often about these topics and I give the facts and my opinions. I think that by being present when their docs ask them these questions....at least when they are younger..... and encouraging my kids to be honest and ask questions would make it less likely that my kids seek answers from peers who are clueless. If my kids do not wish to come to me with these questions I would rather they ask their MD than their friends.

 

Yes. DH is gone a lot for work. He was gone when puberty smacked DS in the face. All of the books and discussions in the world wouldn't help me, but my WONDERFUL male GP came to the rescue. I explained to DS that he could ask GP absolutely anything, and GP wouldn't pass it along to me.

 

After that, our home life got much, much more tolerable. (And no, DS isn't having relations. He doesn't even date. He's still on the "girls are weird and dating is a waste of time until you're ready to get married" plate.)

 

 

a

[Mom0012]

I haven't read all the posts, but I think the biggest problem I would have with having my young, sheltered hs daughter see a form like that, is that she might get the idea that that is normal, acceptable behavior and that it's something all kids are doing. I think kids are so vulnerable at these ages to suggestion (I know I was) that I wouldn't want her to get the idea that this is what "everyone else is doing".

 

I realize there are young kids doing things like that, but, like the OP, it really wouldn't be possible in our situation. And my daughter is only 8 now by the way, but 11 isn't too far off.

 

Lisa

[ciyates]

DS gets sport physicals fairly regularly due to scouts and swim team. Our doc knows we are conservative Christians and homeschool so he ask me if I wanted him to talk to DS about the form. I said no thanks we got it under control. That was the last I heard about it.

[Guest Amy in MS]

I assume that since I've had the same ped. for six years that she knows our family and will not assume that our kids have a horrible home life and need a safe dr to turn to. I would be pretty offended if she thought otherwise. So, if I put myself in the OP's shoes with a visit to my dd's regular ped. I would be upset. If this was a visit to a new dr. or a clinic of sorts then I would accept it as policy and move on.

QUOTE]

 

I've met lovely Christian girls from wonderful homelives who have gotten pregnant as teenagers. Why is it you think that all young people who are having sex are from "horrible" home lives? Very prejudiced. And sad.

[Rivka]

I hire a pediatrician to take comprehensive care of my children's health. It doesn't bother me when he asks questions about safety (bike helmets, avoiding sports injuries, medication storage). It doesn't bother me when he asks about behavior issues. It won't bother me when he asks about mental health issues or, as my kids get older, sexual/reproductive health issues. It's part of my children's comprehensive health situation.

 

My husband and I teach middle school sex ed through our church. Every one of the kids in our class comes from a wonderful family with loving, engaged, aware, involved parents. There are still things the kids don't want to tell, or ask, their parents. There are still things the parents aren't aware of or aren't ready to think about.

 

I think it's wonderful when parents help their kids form connections to other trusted adults, so that the NORMAL desire for increased privacy and separation from parents, as children get older, doesn't leave them without adult guidance and information. I feel honored that these other parents at my church trust me to be a source of that guidance for their kids. And I chose our pediatrician with the same issues in mind, even though it will be years before my kids are at that level.

[Catherine]

You are absolutely right.

[fivetails]

I also made sure that SHE knew that she was to go to that Dr for ANY reason, that I trusted that Dr to take care of her in any way my daughter needed. I also told her that I would help her with whatever she needed or wanted, but that if she ever felt she couldn't come to me, she DID have a professional she could trust. I also told her to be completely honest with the Dr, that she couldn't help my daughter if she didn't know the truth. I was teaching her how to advocate for herself and how you choose a Dr.

 

 

This makes a difference with all this stuff as well. We do not have a doctor that I trust like that - which is why I said earlier in the thread that I would NEVER, under ANY circumstances, leave my dd13 alone with a doctor. We only have male doctors (there's like..two? female docs in town and they aren't taking new patients) and we've already experienced one that was on the creepy side - he didn't *do* anything, but he just gave off really weird vibes, y'know?

 

Anyway.

 

We've never had a form with questions like that given to us...but then again, we only go to the doctor when we're *sick* ....those questions aren't likely to pop up during a visit for an ear infection.

 

Nonetheless, I know my dd13 would be VERY embarrassed to be asked if she was having sex -- she knows what it is, of course, but she still thinks the idea of two people "doing that" is gross. :laugh:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I keep reading in this thread about some drs needing to use these questions because there are so many kids out there who have parents who don't care and are not involved. This might be a stupid question, but are these same parents actually going to be taking their children to a pediatrician for checkups?

 

I assume that since I've had the same ped. for six years that she knows our family and will not assume that our kids have a horrible home life and need a safe dr to turn to. I would be pretty offended if she thought otherwise. So, if I put myself in the OP's shoes with a visit to my dd's regular ped. I would be upset. If this was a visit to a new dr. or a clinic of sorts then I would accept it as policy and move on.

 

ETA: I have never been asked on a form at the GYN if I have multiple partners or the number of partners I've had. I am asked if I am sexually active and if I use birth control - that's been it.

IMHO you can do everything right as a parent and still end up with kids having sex early. Therefore, I do not see it as offensive to be asked since many good parents end up with their kids straying so to speak.

 

My 2 cents:)

[sheryl]

The mistake you make in this post is thinking that sexually active adolescents

 

think and behave like normal adolescents. They don't. The doctor's office staff and the doctor may be some of the only trustworthy adults that child has any contact with. The child is likely to not have parents who know or care much about their sexual activity. Though I'm not a pediatrician, I know the it's not terribly unusual for these forms to turn up all kinds of stuff. Sexual activity in adolescents is almost always an exploitative situation, and on some level the child is aware of this and will reveal it to an adult who might be trying to help them.

 

 

Catherine, Above is the opening statement and your response

I'm not naive....I know good and YOUNG kids are having s**! Good kids from good backgrounds, homeschooled kids that find themselves in well "a situation".

 

What I didn't write b/c I didn't want to come across as insensitive as that there are "poor/uneducated" kids having s**, from young kids to older kids. Having s** is no respecter of persons....white, black, young, younger, youngest, poor/rich, educated/uneducated.....I just thought I didn't have to spell out each scenario.

 

Sheryl <><

[Joanne]

I hate these threads in this context.

 

That said:

 

At 11, I was drinking frequently and doing everyone but intercourse. I was from an average, middle class family. This was not, um, recent as I am not one of the younger posters here.

 

I don't necessarily think "never being away from your kids" = virtue. I don't necessarily think it speaks to healthy protection, healthy sheltering or healthy child development.

 

I know many children who were introduced to the idea of s*x, drugs, alcohol abuse, etc by the doctor. It would not have occurred to them for years.

 

Bringing this up earlier and earlier leads the kids to believe that it is normal and OK at this age, just as earlier and earlier s*x ed has led kids to believe it is normal and OK. They start to think that "everyone" else must be doing it and they are behind the curve.

 

Research shows otherwise. Kids need to know about sex, all kinds such as oral, anal, etc. One main reason is due to sexual abuse, but there are other reasons children need to have a functional understanding of reproductive biology throughout their lives. They need to know about drugs, alcohol abuse, etc. Educating them on biology does not "turn them on" in terms of desire for experimentation.

 

If you are asking "when's a good time" to tell your kids about these issues, you should have already had those conversations. They need to be from birth on, age-appropriate and ongoing throughout the lifespan.

 

OP, you took the Dr's questionnaire personally - as an insult against your perception of your parenting. It wasn't personal; he is operating a cookie-cutter appointment routine for a variety of legal, medical and liability reasons.

[Melinda in VT]

What I didn't write b/c I didn't want to come across as insensitive as that there are "poor/uneducated" kids having s**, from young kids to older kids. Having s** is no respecter of persons....white, black, young, younger, youngest, poor/rich, educated/uneducated.....I just thought I didn't have to spell out each scenario.

 

 

You keep saying that you understand that "good" kids from "good" families have sex . . . and yet your reaction to what happened during your daughter's visit seems to belie that.

[Mejane]

If you are asking "when's a good time" to tell your kids about these issues, you should have already had those conversations. They need to be from birth on, age-appropriate and ongoing throughout the lifespan.

 

:iagree:Absolutely. I actually think it's cruel to shelter a child from all things sexual, then suddenly at 12 spring the whole biological/sociological/ emotional BIG TALK on them.

 

OP, you took the Dr's questionnaire personally - as an insult against your perception of your parenting. It wasn't personal; he is operating a cookie-cutter appointment routine for a variety of legal, medical and liability reasons.

 

Yes. You've heard the expression CYOA?

 

 

 

.

[gpsings]

Wow, I've never been asked that at my annual exam. Not even when I was single. I don't even think it's medically relevant, since it only takes one to pass on an STD.

 

:iagree:

I haven't been asked, but seeing as how my dr knows me pretty well, I'd probably be irritated.

I am a very 'hands off' patient, anyway. When I had my kids, my birth plan was 'I will let you know if I need you'. I know my views both politically and other are pretty extreme, so I don't expect a lot of people to agree, but if you want my opinion, I would be bothered.

[MariannNOVA]

I hate these threads in this context.

 

That said:

 

At 11, I was drinking frequently and doing everyone but intercourse. I was from an average, middle class family. This was not, um, recent as I am not one of the younger posters here.

 

I don't necessarily think "never being away from your kids" = virtue. I don't necessarily think it speaks to healthy protection, healthy sheltering or healthy child development.

 

 

 

Research shows otherwise. Kids need to know about sex, all kinds such as oral, anal, etc. One main reason is due to sexual abuse, but there are other reasons children need to have a functional understanding of reproductive biology throughout their lives. They need to know about drugs, alcohol abuse, etc. Educating them on biology does not "turn them on" in terms of desire for experimentation.

 

If you are asking "when's a good time" to tell your kids about these issues, you should have already had those conversations. They need to be from birth on, age-appropriate and ongoing throughout the lifespan.

 

OP, you took the Dr's questionnaire personally - as an insult against your perception of your parenting. It wasn't personal; he is operating a cookie-cutter appointment routine for a variety of legal, medical and liability reasons.

 

 

Very well put. You repeatedly display (here on this board) your ability to state the facts, stick to the issue, and not demean the individual to whom you are imparting the information. THAT is a rare talent! Whatever the topic, whether or not I agree with you, you state the facts and do not attack. Thank you!

[Maddysmom26]

I personally review those sheets and I answer the questions with my daughter. If there is something on there that I think shes not ready to talk/deal with then I skip it. Some kids are still "young and Innocent" and wwould be shocked by the questions. mine is 9 she will be 10 in august and Im sure there will be more questions on her sheet this year!

 

I do think its appropriate that they hand them out.. but as a parent you need to be aware and review them first and decide which ones you want to answer with your child . ;)

[PiCO]

You keep saying that you understand that "good" kids from "good" families have sex . . . and yet your reaction to what happened during your daughter's visit seems to belie that.

 

I think she understands that other "good" kids will have sex. Not hers.

 

To the previous poster who said she could tell in high school which kids were at risk... that's true, I think most teenagers know who's at risk. I think a lot of parents are in denial and don't see it in their own kids.

 

I have known children who had sex and did drugs as young as 12, and their parents did not know. Sure, the signs were all there- but the parents were much happier being in denial.

 

ETA- Just to clarify, I don't think all parents who deny their teens are sexually active are in denial. Most good parents really do know their kids, and what they are up to.

 

I don't think my kids are having sex. But I do keep looking for warning signs, and I know where my kids are and who they're with most of the time (all the time for 11yo.) I have conversations with 16yo about sex & protection- "what other kids in HS are doing" so as not to embarass her too much. I talk about what I would do if she got pregnant, and what my grandmother did when my aunt got pregnant out of wedlock and how times have changed. And I listen to friends' parents and other adults in my dds lives, and I'm VERY open to hearing that my kids are not perfect. Hopefully all this will help me to never be in denial.

Edited June 10, 2010 by PiCO

[stripe]

PS. My ob/gyn also has the nurse ask the "are you monogamous" question, because if you answer that you are, then they won't test you for the entire battery of STDs that they will if you answer the question negatively. Of course, they DON'T ask if your spouse is monogamous yet, but maybe next time.....:lol:

Well -- I, on the other hand, have nurses say "you never know" as a reason I should be constantly tested for STDs and HIV. Multiple times, in different offices. (The implication being that my husband cheats.) I know people who have been strong-armed into taking STD testing when they have had a health issue (unrelated to private parts), and a relative of mine had a doctor refuse treatment of her after she refused a syphilis test. Yet, as far as I know, my elderly grandma is never asked about her sexual health. The implication, I guess, is that all old people are celibate. Which is not the case (19% of those with HIV are 50+). Someone saying, "But it's not an issue!" just doesn't always go very far in a doctor's office, because so many people who are at risk, lie about it.

 

As I indicated in a previous post, I have to hope that there are ways to encourage people to get health treatments and address their sexual health without being rude and/or suggesting someone's partner is a cheater and/or that someone is bad or a sinner for their behavior, which is not really the doctor's call.

 

I think it's a bit surprising how many people don't mention anything to their children about reproduction whatsoever, but then I know a lady whose mother took her to a GYN right before her wedding to have everything explained. I think it's an argument for living on a farm, more than anything else.

Edited June 10, 2010 by stripe

[PiCO]

But I think your DR. was just "doing his job," for the sake of the potential abuse victims that are out there. Once I got a question when I brought in my 2 yr old for checkup, "do you have guns in the house?" I also declined to answer...she didn't ask whether we had a swimming pool (pool accidents kill more kids than gun accidents). But public policy agendas are creeping into healthcare all the time in US. Expect more of this in the future.

 

This in an excellent point. And I have to tell you that I am amused by your screen name... or is that really your name? If so, you have a lot to live up to!

[gpsings]

Well -- I, on the other hand, have nurses say "you never know" as a reason I should be constantly tested for STDs and HIV. Multiple times, in different offices. (The implication being that my husband cheats.) I know people who have been strong-armed into taking STD testing when they have had a health issue (unrelated to private parts), and a relative of mine had a doctor refuse treatment of her after she refused a syphilis test. Yet, as far as I know, my elderly grandma is never asked about her sexual health. The implication, I guess, is that all old people are celibate. Which is not the case (19% of those with HIV are 50+). Someone saying, "But it's not an issue!" just doesn't always go very far in a doctor's office, because so many people who are at risk, lie about it.

 

As I indicated in a previous post, I have to hope that there are ways to encourage people to get health treatments and address their sexual health without being rude and/or suggesting someone's partner is a cheater.

 

I think it's a bit surprising how many people don't mention anything to their children about reproduction whatsoever, but then I know a lady whose mother took her to a GYN right before her wedding to have everything explained. I think it's an argument for living on a farm, more than anything else.

ITA with the bolded. That's pretty much my point.

Also wanted to add, that I never had 'the talk' with my kids, I was just honest about things when they came up. My daughters (9 and 6) understand about menstruation and that s* x is what makes babies, but not the technicalities of it yet...but when they ask, I'll be honest. We talk about things very casually around here, and questions come up. It's fine that they know about sex, but I still think it should be shocking to them that people their age would be doing it...or unmarried people at all. That's just how I'm raising them. Why would someone ask them if they are having sex? Only married people are supposed to do that!

[stripe]

It's fine that they know about sex, but I still think it should be shocking to them that people their age would be doing it...or unmarried people at all. That's just how I'm raising them. Why would someone ask them if they are having sex? Only married people are supposed to do that!

I certainly hope a sexually active 6 year old would be shocking to anyone. I also think that one of the obligations for those who want to teach their children that one should be married to have sex, is to realize that some people don't; maybe it's easier to have a black and white view of this when one is younger, though, where not married = not sexually active, without much further thought. So I don't think it's a problem so much at this age, as at later ages.

[Joker]

I assume that since I've had the same ped. for six years that she knows our family and will not assume that our kids have a horrible home life and need a safe dr to turn to. I would be pretty offended if she thought otherwise. So, if I put myself in the OP's shoes with a visit to my dd's regular ped. I would be upset. If this was a visit to a new dr. or a clinic of sorts then I would accept it as policy and move on.

QUOTE]

 

I've met lovely Christian girls from wonderful homelives who have gotten pregnant as teenagers. Why is it you think that all young people who are having sex are from "horrible" home lives? Very prejudiced. And sad.

 

I never mentioned in my post about girls from horrible homes getting pregnant. You just assumed that is what I was talking about. There were many posts saying that these forms are necessary because so many kids have bad homelives and need someone they can trust to turn to. The questions were not just about sex but also about relationships at home. I just said that since we have a good relationship with our ped. and have been seeing her for 6+ years that I would not expect her to start asking these types of questions simply because my dd hit a certain age and I would be upset if she did so. I don't believe my post was prejudiced or sad.

 

ETA: Something happened when this posted - I am not quoting myself, but another poster who quoted me.

[jillian]

Unfortunately there are sixth graders having sex and need the questionnaire

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

 

You were well within your rights to decline to answer. But I think your DR. was just "doing his job," for the sake of the potential abuse victims that are out there. Once I got a question when I brought in my 2 yr old for checkup, "do you have guns in the house?" I also declined to answer...she didn't ask whether we had a swimming pool (pool accidents kill more kids than gun accidents). But public policy agendas are creeping into healthcare all the time in US. Expect more of this in the future.

 

 

I've been asked the same question by the pediatrician. For a while it was standard practice. Didn't matter the reason for the visit. I would always decline to answer because it was none of their business. They have since stopped asking-not just me but all of the patients.

[stripe]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes. (Same with guns -- what happens to children of police officers, for example?) I'm asked if my child sleeps alone and about bed time routines (apparently anything other than the child putting him/herself to sleep, alone in a room is objectionable). I am also asked what kind of milk (% fat) my children drink. Unfortunately the nurse got interrupted so I never got to argue, er, I mean, discuss that one with her.

[jillian]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes. (Same with guns -- what happens to children of police officers, for example?) I'm asked if my child sleeps alone and about bed time routines (apparently anything other than the child putting him/herself to sleep, alone in a room is objectionable). I am also asked what kind of milk (% fat) my children drink. Unfortunately the nurse got interrupted so I never got to argue, er, I mean, discuss that one with her.

 

I get it too and it drives me nuts. I promise my child is not suffering or being abused because at 2 1/2 she still likes to cuddle with me in bed in the morning or because I nursed her for 18 months or because we choose which vaccines she gets or because we delay them or because we let her have both soy and cows milk. Sorry got off on a tangent there

[lauriej]

It seems like the default position these days is that all kids are promiscuous or abused unless proven otherwise and it's therefore okay to knock parents out of the loop. So much for parental rights.

 

Incidentally, I don't think a kid whose voluntarily having sex is going to be anymore willing to talk to a doctor than they would their parents. I know I wouldn't have.

[sheryl]

You keep saying that you understand that "good" kids from "good" families have sex . . . and yet your reaction to what happened during your daughter's visit seems to belie that.

 

 

Shoot, I told a poster I was not going to contribute anymore. HELLO.....my point is that children having s** can occur in any socio-ecomonical class! NOT EVERY KID IN THAT CLASS SET! Again, my dd does NOT know what s** is...has not heard the word. I speak "gender". AGAIN, my dd just turned 11 and we HAVE.NOT.STUDIED.BIOLOGY.WITH.OUR.CURRICULUM.CHOICE!

 

My dd has NEVER.BEEN.ALONE.WITH.A.BOY. So.......there's not an issue with my dd in that regard.

 

Sheryl <><

[LibraryLover]

No biology and she's 11?

 

We have had roosters...so yk, my 11 yr old is pratically a farm kid. She's also helped me pull destructive (and mating) Japanese beetles off growing garden plants. (Come to think of it, all Japanese beetles seem to do is mate. And they seem to eat as they mate...)

 

Plus, we've known pregnant humans. Lactating ones as well.

 

 

 

Shoot, I told a poster I was not going to contribute anymore. HELLO.....my point is that children having s** can occur in any socio-ecomonical class! NOT EVERY KID IN THAT CLASS SET! Again, my dd does NOT know what s** is...has not heard the word. I speak "gender". AGAIN, my dd just turned 11 and we HAVE.NOT.STUDIED.BIOLOGY.WITH.OUR.CURRICULUM.CHOICE!

 

My dd has NEVER.BEEN.ALONE.WITH.A.BOY. So.......there's not an issue with my dd in that regard.

 

Sheryl <><

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mejane]

[quote name=Barry Goldwater;1779704

You were well within your rights to decline to answer. But I think your DR. was just "doing his job' date='" for the sake of the potential abuse victims that are out there. Once I got a question when I brought in my 2 yr old for checkup, "do you have guns in the house?" I also declined to answer...she didn't ask whether we had a swimming pool (pool accidents kill more kids than gun accidents). But public policy agendas are creeping into healthcare all the time in US. Expect more of this in the future.[/quote]

 

When I lived in FL, our ped did ask if we had a pool. I have also had docs ask if my kids ride in car seats or wear bike helmets. If I were asked if I had a gun and I did, I'd simply answer, "Yes, and it's securely locked up." (Assuming everyone here who has one takes such precautions.)

 

I prefer to believe my doc is asking out of concern for my child's health and safety in accordance with his job, rather than that he gets some kind of jolly out of it or is doing it only to comply with some insidious government plot to usurp our rights as parents.

[Joanne]

Shoot, I told a poster I was not going to contribute anymore. HELLO.....my point is that children having s** can occur in any socio-ecomonical class! NOT EVERY KID IN THAT CLASS SET! Again, my dd does NOT know what s** is...has not heard the word. I speak "gender". AGAIN, my dd just turned 11 and we HAVE.NOT.STUDIED.BIOLOGY.WITH.OUR.CURRICULUM.CHOICE!

My dd has NEVER.BEEN.ALONE.WITH.A.BOY. So.......there's not an issue with my dd in that regard.

 

Sheryl <><

 

I consider this to be a risk just as I consider early/frequent sex to be.

[LibraryLover]

Asking if there is smoking in the home is an important health question. Children of smokers are at greater risk for various sorts of issues. SIDS. Ear infections, asthma etc., are other health issues for children of smokers.

 

When I lived in FL, our ped did ask if we had a pool. I have also had docs ask if my kids ride in car seats or wear bike helmets. If I were asked if I had a gun and I did, I'd simply answer, "Yes, and it's securely locked up." (Assuming everyone here who has one takes such precautions.)

 

I prefer to believe my doc is asking out of concern for my child's health and safety in accordance with his job, rather than that he gets some kind of jolly out of it or is doing it only to comply with some insidious government plot to usurp our rights as parents.

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Mejane]

Asking if there is smoking in the home is an important health question. Children of smokers are at greater risk of all sorts of issues, SIDS. Ear infections, asthma etc., are other health issues for children of smokers.

 

 

Yup, that was also asked (and answered. ;))

[Renee in NC]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes. (Same with guns -- what happens to children of police officers, for example?)

 

Nothing happens. My dh smokes. I answer yes to the question. If a doctor starts to lecture me, I ask if the doctor would like my dh's phone number. Lecturing *me* won't do a bit of good!:lol: