I gasped at my dd's annual pediatric visit just hours ago...

[Lolly]

I consider this to be a risk just as I consider early/frequent sex to be.

 

But, it is a parental choice to make. For a child who is being raised in the manner of the op, it really is not a risk. Unless of course, you are assuming abuse to be coming from within the home. As an aside, I know many, many kids who do not know the mechanics of s&x until after 11. Not a single one of them has in any way been harmed by not knowing until they were older. It was the choice of the parent. As it should be. Parents almost always know their kids best. They usually know how much information their kid can handle and when they can handle it. Some parents tend to err on the side of caution. That is okay.

[hornblower]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes.

 

The hcp reminds the guardian that children should not be exposed to 2nd hand smoke, that smokers should make every attempt possible to smoke outside of the house & absolutely not in an area where the child sleeps.

 

The hcp also will ask if the smoker is interested in quitting and will offer referrals to appropriate programs &/or prescription support. The patient might not know all the risks, might not know how to mitigate risks, and might not be aware of the alternatives and supports available. It's the hcp's job to inform and educate as well as to treat disease.

 

I don't get the drama about this.

 

For YEARS, people complained that hcp's only ever treated the 'symptom', didn't consider the whole person, the family, etc etc etc. Now the health care model is changing - hcp's will endeavour to consider all relevant aspects which might be affecting the health of the patient, positvely and negatively.

 

I'm a lactation consultant so my perspective is from assisting the post partum family. Things like family and friend support, isolation, family history of depression etc are all critical in assessing post partum women for risk of PPD or PP psychosis.

 

A good hcp will ask all sorts of things in a calm, non-judgemental manner. Have you been drinking? How much? Have you been using any otc medications regularly? Do you smoke marijuana? Any other drugs?

 

You don't go through it all every time, but it's reasonable to consider and ask. And while some of you may think, I'd never tell anyone if I did that, that's not always true and many, many, many mothers are dying to tell someone but they're waiting for someone to ask.

 

Are you ok? Have you been crying and frustrated? Is your partner supportive?

 

No, I'm not ok. I got drunk last weekend. I've started smoking again even though I quit 4 years ago & I know I shouldn't. My husband is working late and drinking when he gets home.

 

Hcp's ask because people will tell them these things and much, much more serious things too. And each time, I guarantee the hcp leaves the room and says to themselves 'thank goodness I asked.'

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes. (Same with guns -- what happens to children of police officers, for example?) I'm asked if my child sleeps alone and about bed time routines (apparently anything other than the child putting him/herself to sleep, alone in a room is objectionable). I am also asked what kind of milk (% fat) my children drink. Unfortunately the nurse got interrupted so I never got to argue, er, I mean, discuss that one with her.

 

I like what our pediatrician's office does about this kind of safety information. They have a flyer that they go over with you. It says things like -

 

"Please lock up all guns. Children are curious and can be killed handling them." (They say it more thoroughly and in a better manner but you get the idea. It is a bit of a waste of time to listen to them do their 5 min. spiel but I prefer it to being asked intrusive questions that would then trigger the same 5 min. spiel.

[Mejane]

I'm also asked if there are any smokers in the house. I don't quite understand what happens in those families where the answer is yes. (Same with guns -- what happens to children of police officers, for example?)

 

Nothing happens, per se. It is noted on the child's chart, and there may be information or advice offered. We on this board who are so concerned with our children's welfare must remember that not all parents are either as concerned or equipped with information. Let's be honest enough to admit that some parents need guidance.

 

I also don't think anything happens in a vacuum. Accidents and illnesses have led to many of these issues. Remember when we didn't have car seats? Kids died, so now we use car seats. I drank honey in a bottle as an infant; botulism made that a big no-no. My parents smoked like chimneys around us. We got terrible cases of bronchitis every year. Now we know kids who are exposed to smoke are more likely to have asthma. Drownings, gun deaths, head injuries, teen pregnancy... who can deny these issues are deserving of attention from healthcare workers?

[LibraryLover]

 

For YEARS, people complained that hcp's only ever treated the 'symptom', didn't consider the whole person, the family, etc etc etc. Now the health care model is changing - hcp's will endeavour to consider all relevant aspects which might be affecting the health of the patient, positvely and negatively.

 

 

 

But that's so *intrusive*! Just because a child comes in week after week with ear infections, it would be wrong to ask if there are smokers in the home! Just give the parents the antbx and go onto to your next patient! A yeast infection in a little girl? She's started wetting the bed at age 12? It couldn't be that nice Brother Bill at VBC has started molesting her. That doesn't happen! She's too young to know about sex, so don't ask!

 

;)

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[sheryl]

I consider this to be a risk just as I consider early/frequent sex to be.

 

 

Joanne,

 

Now is my curriculum choice the next topic of debate? In due time our publisher has it slated, biology that is, this next year or year after next. Right now we're discussing her "developing" body and other issues that will lead into it. Certainly that's logical instead of just blurting out, s** this and that. She doesn't even KNOW what it is and hasn't heard the word that I know of.

 

In other words Joanne, why put the cart before the horse. In due time. Would you teach Gov't before learning American History? Would you drive before learning to walk?

 

Sheryl <><

[Mejane]

But that's so *intrusive*! Just because a child comes in week after week with ear infections, it would be wrong to ask if there are smokers in the home! Just give the parents the antbx and go onto to your next patient! Another yeast infection in a little girl? She's started wetting the bed at age 12? It couldn't be that nice Brother Bill at VBC has started molesting her. She's too young to know about sex, so don't ask!

 

See, I'll gladly take the fall for that little girl if by some chance having the doc ask those kinds of questions roots out her real problem. Ask away!

[Guest Katia]

But, it is a parental choice to make. For a child who is being raised in the manner of the op, it really is not a risk. Unless of course, you are assuming abuse to be coming from within the home. As an aside, I know many, many kids who do not know the mechanics of s&x until after 11. Not a single one of them has in any way been harmed by not knowing until they were older. It was the choice of the parent. As it should be. Parents almost always know their kids best. They usually know how much information their kid can handle and when they can handle it. Some parents tend to err on the side of caution. That is okay.

 

Exactly. I totally agree.

 

And, from the vantage point of my dc all being young adults, I can tell you that them NOT knowing until I felt they were ready for the information, has in no way been a hindrance to them.

 

No, not everyone lives the kind of lives my dc have lived and they may need to know much, much earlier; but every parent has the right to make this choice for their own family. And while one may consider it necessary information, others find that it is not.

 

Very well said, Lolly.

[Mejane]

She doesn't even KNOW what it is and hasn't heard the word that I know of.

 

 

 

At 11? Sorry, but I would be very, very surprised if this were true.

[Joanne]

Joanne,

 

Now is my curriculum choice the next topic of debate? In due time our publisher has it slated, biology that is, this next year or year after next. Right now we're discussing her "developing" body and other issues that will lead into it. Certainly that's logical instead of just blurting out, s** this and that. She doesn't even KNOW what it is and hasn't heard the word that I know of.

 

In other words Joanne, why put the cart before the horse. In due time. Would you teach Gov't before learning American History? Would you drive before learning to walk?

 

Sheryl <><

 

 

I believe children, with the exception of some special needs situations, need an age appropriate understanding of biology, including reproduction and sex, throughout their childhood.

 

I frankly *am* critical if any 11 year old in the US today hasn't heard and understand what "sex" is.

 

I don't allow any curriculum to dictate these conversations and decisions for me; not from the state, not from Sonlight, not from Peace Hill Press.

[Lolly]

But that's so *intrusive*! Just because a child comes in week after week with ear infections, it would be wrong to ask if there are smokers in the home! Just give the parents the antbx and go onto to your next patient! Another yeast infection in a little girl? She's started wetting the bed at age 12? It couldn't be that nice Brother Bill at VBC has started molesting her. She's too young to know about sex, so don't ask!

 

EAr infections: (If there is smoking in the home, I can usually tell by my nose.) Easy enough to go over causes of ear infections including exposure to smoking. Honestly, it doesn't have to be asked. (I don't actually see anything wrong with asking..)

 

Possible molestation: If there are signs, it needs to be asked. It should be discussed with the parent, especially if the child is of an age where they may not know what s*x even is. Personally, I think it should be discussed with the parent without the child present to warn them of what is coming. If there is more hard evidence of abuse, other authorities should probably have been called in.

[Lolly]

At 11? Sorry, but I would be very, very surprised if this were true.

 

I believe children, with the exception of some special needs situations, need an age appropriate understanding of biology, including reproduction and sex, throughout their childhood.

 

I frankly *am* critical if any 11 year old in the US today hasn't heard and understand what "sex" is.

.

 

Guess what, it really is not that unusual. Many of my friends do not tell their dc until 11 or 12. My girls knew from the time they were little (2 or 3). It was a continual discussion with them because they were asking and curious. (And, I was pg.:lol:) Ds was a whole 'nother ballgame. He just didn't seem to even want to know. I finally had the discussion with him when he was 11. Trust me, the boy had NO CLUE. He had seen animals "doing it", but it just never crossed his mind to wonder what they were doing. He thought they were just wrestling or playing. Any talk had just gone right over his head. If I hadn't pushed the issue he would probably still be walking around without knowing. Though, I suspect questions would have started coming up...

 

I think age appropriate is the key in your statement. What you find to be age appropriate for your dc, may not be appropriate for all. There are many, many appropriate ways to handle this situation. Each family has to find what is right for themselves.

Edited June 10, 2010 by Lolly

[LibraryLover]

You're still butting into people's private lives, and you're assuming there are always 'signs' to ask about. You can't just think you can ask how the child is sleeping, or whether she is having nightmares. You can't ask how things are going at home/school/homeschool etc. That has nothing to do with medicine, according to many. You'll have to wait for the repeated yeast infections or the vaginal or rectal bleeding. Oh, and keep your nose to yourself. You might be offending someone who only *visited* one time, a smoker, that very day. "We don't smoke in our home, but the Dr condecendingly started talking to us about the dangers of second hand smoke! She didn't even bother asking if we smoked, she just assumed! How offensive!"

 

;)

 

EAr infections: (If there is smoking in the home, I can usually tell by my nose.) Easy enough to go over causes of ear infections including exposure to smoking. Honestly, it doesn't have to be asked. (I don't actually see anything wrong with asking..)

 

Possible molestation: If there are signs, it needs to be asked. It should be discussed with the parent, especially if the child is of an age where they may not know what s*x even is. Personally, I think it should be discussed with the parent without the child present to warn them of what is coming. If there is more hard evidence of abuse, other authorities should probably have been called in.

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Jean in Newcastle]

But that's so *intrusive*! Just because a child comes in week after week with ear infections, it would be wrong to ask if there are smokers in the home! Just give the parents the antbx and go onto to your next patient! A yeast infection in a little girl? She's started wetting the bed at age 12? It couldn't be that nice Brother Bill at VBC has started molesting her. That doesn't happen! She's too young to know about sex, so don't ask!

 

You do know that sarcasm doesn't come across very well in this format, right?

[LizzyBee]

But that's so *intrusive*! Just because a child comes in week after week with ear infections, it would be wrong to ask if there are smokers in the home! Just give the parents the antbx and go onto to your next patient! A yeast infection in a little girl? She's started wetting the bed at age 12? It couldn't be that nice Brother Bill at VBC has started molesting her. That doesn't happen! She's too young to know about sex, so don't ask!

 

In your examples, there are reasons to ask more questions. The op is about a form given to everyone in a cookie cutter fashion void of discussion. I suppose in large practices where doctors don't really know their patients, a standardized form is the most efficient way of asking for information. I migrate to small practices (harder and harder to find these days) where the doctors can get to know my family and these types of discussions can be personalized rather than standardized.

[phathui5]

I agree with the posters who said that it is appropriate for doctors to ask. Sexual behavior is a health issue.

[Wheres Toto]

You do know that sarcasm doesn't come across very well in this format, right?

 

True but I would bet that not one person on here missed it in that case.

 

My worry with kids who don't even know what sex is - they can be molested and not even know what happened to them or how to tell their parents about it. If you are truly with your children 24/7 - they NEVER sleep over at grandma's or cousin's house, they are NEVER at a church group, Sunday school class or youth group without you there, they NEVER go to a friend's house without you there - then I guess this is not a concern but that seems unrealistic.

[LibraryLover]

You do know that sarcasm doesn't come across very well in this format, right?

 

 

I put in a ;). You got it was sarcasm, so others might as well.

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

How is it void of discussion?

 

In your examples, there are reasons to ask more questions. The op is about a form given to everyone in a cookie cutter fashion void of discussion. I suppose in large practices where doctors don't really know their patients, a standardized form is the most efficient way of asking for information. I migrate to small practices (harder and harder to find these days) where the doctors can get to know my family and these types of discussions can be personalized rather than standardized.

Edited June 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Joanne]

True but I would bet that not one person on here missed it in that case.

 

My worry with kids who don't even know what sex is - they can be molested and not even know what happened to them or how to tell their parents about it. If you are truly with your children 24/7 - they NEVER sleep over at grandma's or cousin's house, they are NEVER at a church group, Sunday school class or youth group without you there, they NEVER go to a friend's house without you there - then I guess this is not a concern but that seems unrealistic.

 

Personally, I find bolded a concern for school aged children.

[LibraryLover]

Personally, I find bolded a concern for school aged children.

 

Don't forget not playing with the neighborhood public school kids without Mom watching every minute. :D

 

Of course, my youngest was at a sleepover last night with some hs'd kids. Danger, Will Robinson!

[sheryl]

Don't forget not playing with the neighborhood public school kids without Mom watching every minute. :D

 

Of course, my youngest was at a sleepover last night with some hs'd kids. Danger, Will Robinson!

 

Honestly LL! You crack me up!:lol:

 

Oh, let me add though the ps kids my dd plays with are girls....uh oh, that's another topic, isn't it.

[Wheres Toto]

Personally, I find bolded a concern for school aged children.

 

True and it actually is another flag for health care providers of an abusive relationship. When someone maintains complete control of another person and does not allow them friends or access to the outside world - it is considered a sign of possible abuse (the abuser wants to make sure the abused doesn't have a chance to tell anyone).

[sheryl]

At 11? Sorry, but I would be very, very surprised if this were true.

 

Yes, be surprised. Society says it's "normal" now to tell kids EVERYTHING at a young age. Sorry, that doesn't cut it with me. They are not little adults. They are, dare I say....kids!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly LL! You crack me up!:lol:

 

Oh, let me add though the ps kids my dd plays with are girls....uh oh, that's another topic, isn't it.

 

I want to say (not specifically to you but more as a public service announcement) that I've known of girls who were molested by girls and boys who were molested by boys.

[sheryl]

I believe children, with the exception of some special needs situations, need an age appropriate understanding of biology, including reproduction and sex, throughout their childhood.

 

I frankly *am* critical if any 11 year old in the US today hasn't heard and understand what "sex" is.

 

I don't allow any curriculum to dictate these conversations and decisions for me; not from the state, not from Sonlight, not from Peace Hill Press.

 

You'll have to be critical then. I do not subsribe to the mentality that b/c everyone is doing it, it's got to be right. Throughout childhood....um....so from birth....that's infancy. Childhood from what age? See how silly this topic has become? My curriculum does NOT dictate anything to me. I think that it's nice to have that content of material "covering" so to speak. I don't use Sonlight, never have. I hear it's nice though. I respectfully disagree with you. Sheryl

[sheryl]

I want to say (not specifically to you but more as a public service announcement) that I've known of girls who were molested by girls and boys who were molested by boys.

 

Yep. Like the battered wife syndrome. There are battered husbands too, not as common, but it happens.

[phathui5]

I want to say (not specifically to you but more as a public service announcement) that I've known of girls who were molested by girls and boys who were molested by boys.

 

And children who were molested well before they turned 11. I really think that parents should talk to their children at least each year about age appropriate sexual information for that stage.

 

Ex: 3yo- "No one is allowed to touch your penis/vagina. If anyone tries to touch you or have you touch them, tell Mama or Daddy right away."

 

6yo- "I want you to tell Mama anything that your friends say about private parts or sex and if you have any questions, I want you to ask me."

[Joanne]

Yes, be surprised. Society says it's "normal" now to tell kids EVERYTHING at a young age. Sorry, that doesn't cut it with me. They are not little adults. They are, dare I say....kids!!

 

Dare I say that knowledge of biology, even sexual biology does not mature, accelerate or promiscuate them. (Yes, I coined a term)

 

Knowledge of biology and sexualization are not synonymous. There is NOTHING inherently associated with sex and reproductive and intimacy that makes keeping that info from kids "better".

 

For example, knowing how babies are created does not sexualize children.

Watching a Lady Gaga video does.

 

Teaching kids appropriate body parts, names, slang terms and their function (reacreational, intimate and utilitarian) does not sexualize children.

Asking a 6 year old about her "boyfriend" does.

 

Kids don't want to experiment with sex or drugs because they hear about them; early use and age of first use are far more complicated than that and completely bifurcated from *education* and *knowledge*.

 

"Society" doesn't say it's normal to tell kids everything at a young age. Research, however, confirms that age appropriately informed kids typically develop and adjust better.

[sheryl]

Dare I say that knowledge of biology, even sexual biology does not mature, accelerate or promiscuate them. (Yes, I coined a term)

 

Knowledge of biology and sexualization are not synonymous. There is NOTHING inherently associated with sex and reproductive and intimacy that makes keeping that info from kids "better". Then should parents have s** on display in front of children?? You know Joanne, I'm teaching my dd with a progression of knowledge, so to speak. When kids are young we teach them basic body parts. She knows her female parts, name them and know they are private and off limits. But she doesn't know the "WHY" behind it yet. She's developing physically. Enter discussing of menses, etc. Next up will be....you got it. So, my dd will be 11. She's an only child and has not seen me preg. Does any of this make sense? The few people who are preg she doesn't even address. She knows there's a baby inside, but she does NOT understand anything else to this point and that's fine with me. She gets info, mulls it over, asks questions, matures, and the cycle repeats.

 

For example, knowing how babies are created does not sexualize children.

Watching a Lady Gaga video does.

 

Teaching kids appropriate body parts, names, slang terms and their function (reacreational, intimate and utilitarian) does not sexualize children.

Asking a 6 year old about her "boyfriend" does.

 

Kids don't want to experiment with sex or drugs because they hear about them; early use and age of first use are far more complicated than that and completely bifurcated from *education* and *knowledge*.

 

"Society" doesn't say it's normal to tell kids everything at a young age. Research, however, confirms that age appropriately informed kids typically develop and adjust better.

Joanne, the key phrase here is "age appropriate". For you it might be different than for me.

 

 

Sorry Joanne..........nah! I really have no desire to go round and round, but I respect you enough to tell you that. There's more I could say, but what point would it serve. Again, we'll have to agree to disagree.

Edited June 10, 2010 by sheryl

[lionfamily1999]

And children who were molested well before they turned 11. I really think that parents should talk to their children at least each year about age appropriate sexual information for that stage.

 

Ex: 3yo- "No one is allowed to touch your penis/vagina. If anyone tries to touch you or have you touch them, tell Mama or Daddy right away."

 

6yo- "I want you to tell Mama anything that your friends say about private parts or sex and if you have any questions, I want you to ask me."

I have to say, I think the Cub Scouts have one of the greatest booklets for this. It's complete with things I would have never imagined discussing with ds (what if someone wants you to watch or read something you know you shouldn't, and what to do with those gray areas of touching - give me a hug, come sit in my lap, &tc).

 

We read through this every year. I highly recommend it to all the parents I know.

[TxMama]

Yes, be surprised. Society says it's "normal" now to tell kids EVERYTHING at a young age. Sorry, that doesn't cut it with me. They are not little adults. They are, dare I say....kids!!

 

I'm not really sure what curriculum has to do with talking with your kids about this topic.

 

So your dd has never saw a pregnant woman and asked any questions?

 

Kinda boggles my mind that my 4yo knows more about herself and the facts of life than an 11 yo.

 

I'm totally with Joanne on this. It's a very rare 11 yo who doesn't know something.....even if the parents are in denial of them knowing.

[sheryl]

I'm not really sure what curriculum has to do with talking with your kids about this topic.

 

So your dd has never saw a pregnant woman and asked any questions?

 

Kinda boggles my mind that my 4yo knows more about herself and the facts of life than an 11 yo.

 

I'm totally with Joanne on this. It's a very rare 11 yo who doesn't know something.....even if the parents are in denial of them knowing.

 

 

Why should I repeat AGAIN...this has ALREADY.BEEN.EXPLAINED!!

[lionfamily1999]

Why should I repeat AGAIN...this has ALREADY.BEEN.EXPLAINED!!

There's something on your back........

 

Hang on............

 

Oh.

 

It's a target. I agree with your earlier post, it's time to abandon ship. I know what you mean, I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think that those that disagree can or will, though.

[hornblower]

Throughout childhood....um....so from birth....that's infancy. Childhood from what age? See how silly this topic has become?

 

I don't see anything silly here at all. :confused:

 

Yes, from infancy. Maybe toddlerhood to be more precise - when children really start listening & becoming verbal.

 

Yes, Mrs. Smith has a big belly. There's a baby growing inside. Would you like to ask Mrs. Smith if you can touch the belly and maybe feel the baby moving?

 

Here's a picture of your mama when I was pregnant with you. That means you were living in my belly! You were small enough to fit! And then, when you grew big enough, you were born.

 

Mrs Jones is breastfeeding the baby now so you can't touch the baby. Baby wants to concentrate on eating. Yes, baby is getting milk from her mama.

 

Cows, horses, sheep, babies, petting zoos, farm animals, bird nests, neighbourhood cats (raccoons! Oh my! raccoons make an incredible racket when they mate & last spring we had a mating couple in right in our yard) aunts, siblings - mating and reproduction is ALL around us ALL the time. You can teach & present it all at an age appropriate level beginning from early childhood & it has nothing to do with hyper-sexualizing children or anything like that. It's biology.

[OnTheBrink]

There's something on your back........

 

Hang on............

 

Oh.

 

It's a target. I agree with your earlier post, it's time to abandon ship. I know what you mean, I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think that those that disagree can or will, though.

 

:iagree:

[Supertechmom]

I want to say (not specifically to you but more as a public service announcement) that I've known of girls who were molested by girls and boys who were molested by boys.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: No longer can you safely assume that your child is safe from such because of the gender they are with. Especially since in so many schools health classes, kids are encouraged to explore their sexuality, are taught that some things are great for gratification without going all the way and oral s*x with either gender is encouraged as a way to keep your virginity and not get pregnant.

 

I wonder if some of the new policies being put into place at the dr's office is because of the new health practices in the local health class. IF the majority of kids are being taught crap in health class, then that makes the ped's office work even harder. I know our local class is horrific in nature and downright shocking in what they "teach" to kids. And those precious little forms to opt out somehow don't always get into the parent's hands My ped does a lot of "talks" to correct the misinformation in health class. we all know how much they screw up math and english. Let's just say they make those mess ups look good compared to the ones in health class.:tongue_smilie:

[Lolly]

I don't see anything silly here at all. :confused:

 

Yes, from infancy. Maybe toddlerhood to be more precise - when children really start listening & becoming verbal.

 

Yes, Mrs. Smith has a big belly. There's a baby growing inside. Would you like to ask Mrs. Smith if you can touch the belly and maybe feel the baby moving?

 

Here's a picture of your mama when I was pregnant with you. That means you were living in my belly! You were small enough to fit! And then, when you grew big enough, you were born.

 

Mrs Jones is breastfeeding the baby now so you can't touch the baby. Baby wants to concentrate on eating. Yes, baby is getting milk from her mama.

 

Cows, horses, sheep, babies, petting zoos, farm animals, bird nests, neighbourhood cats (raccoons! Oh my! raccoons make an incredible racket when they mate & last spring we had a mating couple in right in our yard) aunts, siblings - mating and reproduction is ALL around us ALL the time. You can teach & present it all at an age appropriate level beginning from early childhood & it has nothing to do with hyper-sexualizing children or anything like that. It's biology.

 

And, all of that can be done without telling a child the details involved in !ntercourse. Not knowing what s@x is at 11 actually has nothing to do with all the above.

[Joanne]

No longer can you safely assume that your child is safe from such because of the gender they are with. Especially since in so many schools health classes, kids are encouraged to explore their sexuality, are taught that some things are great for gratification without going all the way and oral s*x with either gender is encouraged as a way to keep your virginity and not get pregnant.

 

I am not pro public school.

 

However, the above is not an accurate understanding of health class curriculum or culture. Not.even.close.

[DianeW88]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: No longer can you safely assume that your child is safe from such because of the gender they are with. Especially since in so many schools health classes, kids are encouraged to explore their sexuality, are taught that some things are great for gratification without going all the way and oral s*x with either gender is encouraged as a way to keep your virginity and not get pregnant.

 

I wonder if some of the new policies being put into place at the dr's office is because of the new health practices in the local health class. IF the majority of kids are being taught crap in health class, then that makes the ped's office work even harder. I know our local class is horrific in nature and downright shocking in what they "teach" to kids. And those precious little forms to opt out somehow don't always get into the parent's hands My ped does a lot of "talks" to correct the misinformation in health class. we all know how much they screw up math and english. Let's just say they make those mess ups look good compared to the ones in health class.:tongue_smilie:

 

And, I cannot tell you how horrifying it is as a ped nurse to have to tell the mother of a 12 year old that the blisters her dd has in her mouth are genital herpes. It's heartbreaking and devastating and it happens all the time. I literally cried in the supply closet after that patient left.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[lionfamily1999]

I am not pro public school.

 

However, the above is not an accurate understanding of health class curriculum or culture. Not.even.close.

It could be true for her local school, though. Dd's "sex ed" teacher told her class that sex was an excellent full body work out. She would do it more herself if she wasn't so old. :001_huh: Dd was also taught about masterbation in 4th grade. Yeah, they missed the note I sent to keep her from that class.

[Lolly]

As I was eating lunch...:lol::lol::lol:, it hit me. I knew something on this thread was bothering me! Why on earth are people insinuating/saying that children who know about s@x are at less of a risk of abuse than kids who don't? Why is it that children who don't know the "facts" are at more risk? Why are they less able to tell their parents what has happened to them?

 

A child doesn't have to have the nitty gritty details involved to know that it is not okay for a friend, adult, or stranger to touch their privates. They don't need to know many details at all to know what to do if someone tries. They don't even need to know the correct technical term to tell mom or dad they have seen something. I know for certain that my ds knew these things at 3, but he didn't know about s@x. Now, I admit that an 11yo kid not knowing the difference in a boy and a girl would shock me; but that is not what I am envisioning here. I have a feeling if you are assuming that is what is being discussed that you are wrong. Of course, I could be wrong too.:D

[tex-mex]

I'm not really sure what curriculum has to do with talking with your kids about this topic.

 

So your dd has never saw a pregnant woman and asked any questions?

 

Kinda boggles my mind that my 4yo knows more about herself and the facts of life than an 11 yo.

 

I'm totally with Joanne on this. It's a very rare 11 yo who doesn't know something.....even if the parents are in denial of them knowing.

:iagree: Point goes to your side. ;)

Honestly, if we all just stepped away from the "Mama Bear" that is in all of us over our precious babies. We'd soon realize that even in the best (close) relationship with parent and child -- there are going to be issues the child/teen/adult simply doesn't want to disclose. And we have to be okay with it. If we are not okay with allowing them space/privacy to be independent adults -- then it is a control issue.

 

And yes to the poster that a healthy view on sexuality begins early with talking generally about pregnancy, babies, etc. No - I am not suggesting a graphic discourse of all things sexual with a 7 year old. That is highly inappropriate. But -- you can't keep kids from finding out. Heck, I grew up in a farming town and trust me, before I was 10, I knew how babies came into the world from just working on the farm. (It also caused me to question eating meat... but that is another topic. :D) My elementary school had the pregnant ewes on campus in a gated corner of the playground each year -- the 5th graders were invited to WATCH the birthing take place. Let's just say it painted a vivid picture and was a good sex ed object lesson back in the 70's. LOL

[elizabeth]

Wow there is variance across the board with the various sex ed programs it does differ as much as math instruction or any other subject . This is reason 499,999,999 to home educate as I personally find abstinence only programs to be a waste of time and filled with misinformation. However I looked at the text they use locally for middle school and found it to be lacking in basic biology, anatomy and genetic information. We are using the Boston Womens Health Collective book Our Bodies , Ourselves and skipping the chapters that are unneeded at this moment .

[Embassy]

Yes, from infancy. Maybe toddlerhood to be more precise - when children really start listening & becoming verbal.

 

Yes, Mrs. Smith has a big belly. There's a baby growing inside. Would you like to ask Mrs. Smith if you can touch the belly and maybe feel the baby moving?

 

Here's a picture of your mama when I was pregnant with you. That means you were living in my belly! You were small enough to fit! And then, when you grew big enough, you were born.

 

Mrs Jones is breastfeeding the baby now so you can't touch the baby. Baby wants to concentrate on eating. Yes, baby is getting milk from her mama.

 

Cows, horses, sheep, babies, petting zoos, farm animals, bird nests, neighbourhood cats (raccoons! Oh my! raccoons make an incredible racket when they mate & last spring we had a mating couple in right in our yard) aunts, siblings - mating and reproduction is ALL around us ALL the time. You can teach & present it all at an age appropriate level beginning from early childhood & it has nothing to do with hyper-sexualizing children or anything like that. It's biology.

 

:iagree: Teaching about sexuality is a natural and gradual process. You don't tell a toddler the same thing as a six year old or a ten year old. But the process starts young - at least it should IMHO.

 

By answering questions with incorrect information (not saying anyone here is doing that, but the stork has been used by many in the past) or avoiding questions we make sexuality taboo or shameful topic when it is a topic parents should teach. Many children end up learning about sex from their peers or tv or the internet instead of the parent. Often times what they learn is skewed and not how we would want it to be taught. And in our society if we don't teach our children when they are younger they will learn from someone other than us unless they are very sheltered.

[Perry]

Yes, be surprised. Society says it's "normal" now to tell kids EVERYTHING at a young age. Sorry, that doesn't cut it with me. They are not little adults. They are, dare I say....kids!!

 

But historically, at least in rural areas, kids learned much earlier than they do now. I don't see that that knowledge caused them to be promiscuous.

[Lolly]

But historically, at least in rural areas, kids learned much earlier than they do now. I don't see that that knowledge caused them to be promiscuous.

 

And, how does not knowing cause them to be promiscuous? So, who should be the one deciding when to tell a child X details about s*x? I say it should be the parents.

[LibraryLover]

So how many vaginal yeast infections or whatnot would you treat in a child before you felt it was time to ask a question? What if she was being molested and you never saw her again until she was on the news? I mean, you hear it *all the time* "So and so social workers and doctors had seen the child in the in recent weeks, but nobody had any idea what was happening". Or, "We had no reason to believe the child was being harmed". When you know somebody, somewhere, probably did, but didn't report or ask the child about what was going on.

 

 

 

 

In your examples, there are reasons to ask more questions. The op is about a form given to everyone in a cookie cutter fashion void of discussion. I suppose in large practices where doctors don't really know their patients, a standardized form is the most efficient way of asking for information. I migrate to small practices (harder and harder to find these days) where the doctors can get to know my family and these types of discussions can be personalized rather than standardized.

[Mejane]

Guess what, it really is not that unusual. Many of my friends do not tell their dc until 11 or 12.

<snip>

Each family has to find what is right for themselves.

 

I was responding to the poster's assertion that her daughter had never even heard the word (sex). Even in a church school full of nice little christian kids, that word comes up.

 

I agree with your last statement, but I also wonder how the OP would feel if someone else took it upon his/herself to tell her kids in a way that made them feel uncomfortable and confused. One of my friends told me and it was traumatic, let me tell you. I looked at my parents funny for weeks. :001_smile:

[Supertechmom]

I am not pro public school.

 

However, the above is not an accurate understanding of health class curriculum or culture. Not.even.close.

 

It could be true for her local school, though. Dd's "sex ed" teacher told her class that sex was an excellent full body work out. She would do it more herself if she wasn't so old. :001_huh: Dd was also taught about masterbation in 4th grade. Yeah, they missed the note I sent to keep her from that class.

 

Wow there is variance across the board with the various sex ed programs it does differ as much as math instruction or any other subject . This is reason 499,999,999 to home educate as I personally find abstinence only programs to be a waste of time and filled with misinformation. However I looked at the text they use locally for middle school and found it to be lacking in basic biology, anatomy and genetic information. We are using the Boston Womens Health Collective book Our Bodies , Ourselves and skipping the chapters that are unneeded at this moment .

 

 

The opt out paper that the lady in church brought to show me when she finally got her hands out clearly said that oral s*x would be discussed as an adequate method for preventing pregnancy while gratifying the natural tendencies of human beings. If I had a copy, I would scan it and upload it for you. IN our local schools, s*x methods are taught in detail and are taught as alternatives to pregnancy. STDS are not mentioned or are glossed over. Hence peds are seeing a rise in oral stds and finding out that the teacher told them it was okay since they couldn't get pregnant.

 

That may not be what the curriculum says but that is what is being discussed and sent out on handouts. What should actually be taught is unknown as I still can't find the book being used by anyone in school. it just seems to be handouts copied by the teacher.