How do you deal with neighborhood kids....

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

in such a way that they aren't ringing my doorbell every few minutes and not be rude??

 

I'm just not good at this. I want to be a fun place for kids to come, but then I don't either. I enjoy my kids getting a couple of hours to romp in the backyard with a friend, but how do you deal with it when it starts becoming constant?

 

We have a new little girl, very sweet, six years old, that just moved here. We met her on Wednesday and now I've seen her every day and she's already eaten with us a couple of times. I've had to tell her each day when it's time to go home and her mom had no idea who we even were until I sent a note home with her daughter with my name and number. That puzzles me in itself. I'm too paranoid I guess, but my kids wouldn't be allowed into a strangers house and me not even know where they were.

 

So, today, she came at 9 am. She ate lunch with us and then we sent her home so we could run an errand. She came back later (with two other new kids) and we told her the kids couldn't play. Then she saw my husband and I walking and she asked if the girls could play. We said that they couldn't have company while we are away from the house. My girls called our cell phone saying she was ringing the door bell and she stayed on our porch until we walked back up.

 

So, I in no way want to be rude, but how do you set limits? I have already told her that my kids can't go to her house until I meet her parents. She wanted me to meet her mom today but I found out her dad has a stomach virus. That prompted me to tell her that if she is sick (or gets sick) not to come around for a few days and that my daughter can't come to her house today (because the dad is sick). So, I have laid down some ground rules, but some how I feel so guilty telling a little girl at the door that my kids can't play.....especially when it's just because I don't want company at the moment. I know that probably sounds selfish and maybe it is, but I have to deal with my toddler chasing them around (while they are trying to play dolls or something), protecting them from my swimming pool, and my boxer who gets so worked up with visitors.

 

Like I said, I've never been good at this. I kinda like our scheduled play-dates and not so much the drop by constantly thing. But I do want her to come some and I do want to be kind to her. I think a big part of it is that I don't let my girls wonder the neighborhood alone so the burden falls on me keeping an eye on all of them at my house and I'm not up for that daily and sometimes multiple times a day.

 

How do you handle neighborhood kids?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

in such a way that they aren't ringing my doorbell every few minutes and not be rude??

 

 

 

 

Put a colored rock on the porch. If the rock is green, she is free to come on over. If it's red, she needs to stop, turn around, and go home.

 

Let her know it's a little game you play that tells everyone else when the kids are free to play. Tell her that if she forgets, you'll remind her.

 

Then occasionally, put out the green rock.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Put a colored rock on the porch. If the rock is green, she is free to come on over. If it's red, she needs to stop, turn around, and go home.

 

Let her know it's a little game you play that tells everyone else when the kids are free to play. Tell her that if she forgets, you'll remind her.

 

Then occasionally, put out the green rock.

 

What a clever idea! I would have never thought of it. Thanks for sharing!

[Mrs Mungo]

Put a colored rock on the porch. If the rock is green, she is free to come on over. If it's red, she needs to stop, turn around, and go home.

 

Let her know it's a little game you play that tells everyone else when the kids are free to play. Tell her that if she forgets, you'll remind her.

 

Then occasionally, put out the green rock.

 

That's a great idea! Much nicer than my big "OUR HOMESCHOOL IS IN SESSION, DO NOT DISTURB!" sign on my door. :blushing:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

What a clever idea! I would have never thought of it. Thanks for sharing!

 

I'm pretty sure I read about it on the previous incarnation of this board. I think that family used a flag, though.

[LaMere Academy]

I'm having these issues too. My oldest has repeatedly told one of the neighbor children NOT to knock on our door on weekdays, period. Doesn't matter what time it is.

He still does it!

 

He also was told not to bother knocking for spring break for ps kids because we took our spring break last week.

Guess who was knocking on our door Friday??

A Weekday!!!

It's been explained to him so many time and he's 11 years old...I think he would understand.

 

I'd do the rock idea, but I don't think he'd "get it" either!

It's very frustrating for me, because anytime someone knocks the dog starts barking, the kids get all excited and Zarek goes outside to talk to him for a few minutes and if the boy is told NOT to knock during the week, then going out and talking to him for 5-10 minutes is just, IMO, encouraging him to continue to knock when he's been told not to!

As you can see, it's really bugging me! :D

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm having these issues too. My oldest has repeatedly told one of the neighbor children NOT to knock on our door on weekdays, period. Doesn't matter what time it is.

He still does it!

 

He also was told not to bother knocking for spring break for ps kids because we took our spring break last week.

Guess who was knocking on our door Friday??

A Weekday!!!

It's been explained to him so many time and he's 11 years old...I think he would understand.

 

I'd do the rock idea, but I don't think he'd "get it" either!

It's very frustrating for me, because anytime someone knocks the dog starts barking, the kids get all excited and Zarek goes outside to talk to him for a few minutes and if the boy is told NOT to knock during the week, then going out and talking to him for 5-10 minutes is just, IMO, encouraging him to continue to knock when he's been told not to!

As you can see, it's really bugging me! :D

 

You can try my not-nice method. My sign is large and strongly worded.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's been explained to him so many time and he's 11 years old...I think he would understand.

 

 

I think some kids have never had limits set on them. When you set one at your house they just can't comprehend it and keep trying to get around it!

 

Pam- I love the rock idea. I wonder if it will work for the mom (our neighbor) who walks slowly back and forth in front of our house, looking longing up at our window, waiting for us to come out and talk to her!!! She doesn't ring the doorbell but I do get a bit freaked out watching her.

[Ellie]

It is not rude to tell her your dc can't play right now, regardless of your reason. It isn't rude to tell her to go home, or not to come back until...whatever you decide. There's no reason to feel guilty, either.

[Tutor]

We had a stop sign on our door. One side was red and said "School in Session: Please Come Back Later." The other side was green and said "Time to Play!" It was a HUGE help.

[Tracey in TX]

How do you handle neighborhood kids?

 

We're the neighborhood party house, so everyone stops by. Kids come by every hour of every day. It's not unusual to have a few kids I don't even know playing.

When we're busy, though, I don't think twice about telling someone the kids "will be out in X hours. We're busy until then, so have a great day."

[JWSJ]

Honestly, I would not have allowed any childen that were strangers to play with mine. Had the new girl asked me I would have told her to bring her mother for me to meet first. I need to meet the parents first and approve. And I wouldn't be used as a babysitting service.

 

Parents that let their kids wander the neighborhood with no knowledge or care to their whereabouts disturb me.

 

I've met so many laissez-faire parents in regard to their children and life style.

 

I don't want to seem cold, but my children's safety is first.

[Aubrey]

I'm having these issues too. My oldest has repeatedly told one of the neighbor children NOT to knock on our door on weekdays, period. Doesn't matter what time it is.

He still does it!

 

He also was told not to bother knocking for spring break for ps kids because we took our spring break last week.

Guess who was knocking on our door Friday??

A Weekday!!!

It's been explained to him so many time and he's 11 years old...I think he would understand.

 

I'd do the rock idea, but I don't think he'd "get it" either!

It's very frustrating for me, because anytime someone knocks the dog starts barking, the kids get all excited and Zarek goes outside to talk to him for a few minutes and if the boy is told NOT to knock during the week, then going out and talking to him for 5-10 minutes is just, IMO, encouraging him to continue to knock when he's been told not to!

As you can see, it's really bugging me! :D

 

Stop answering the door! :D

[Aubrey]

Honestly, I would not have allowed any childen that were strangers to play with mine. Had the new girl asked me I would have told her to bring her mother for me to meet first. I need to meet the parents first and approve. And I wouldn't be used as a babysitting service.

 

Parents that let their kids wander the neighborhood with no knowledge or care to their whereabouts disturb me.

 

I've met so many laissez-faire parents in regard to their children and life style.

 

I don't want to seem cold, but my children's safety is first.

 

You know, I agree, but for different reasons. I'd be nervous to have a kid whose parents didn't know me playing in my house. Because I'm paranoid. Who knows what they or the kid might say later?

 

For *my* safety, I don't want stranger-kids in my house, kwim?

[lovemyboys]

in such a way that they aren't ringing my doorbell every few minutes and not be rude??

 

I'm just not good at this. I want to be a fun place for kids to come, but then I don't either. I enjoy my kids getting a couple of hours to romp in the backyard with a friend, but how do you deal with it when it starts becoming constant?

 

We have a new little girl, very sweet, six years old, that just moved here.

 

How do you handle neighborhood kids?

 

Be honest. Try to be the one answering the door so you can say no. The little rock idea is good. Or you can tell her you'll call or send the kids to get her when your dc are free. Or give them 1/2 hour or 1 hour, set the oven buzzer, when it suits.

 

It's fine to set limits. And if she's going to be a regular visitor, then give all the dc the "5 min. til "sweetie" has to go home, time to clean up the toys/games/bikes!" warning. She'll start to get the hang of it.

 

I would try to be tolerant as your schedule allows since she's new and perhaps missing old friends. IME she'll start to get busier, there will days it doesn't suit you or her, and the newness will wear off. But for your sake, I would work on getting this nicely understood with her (and parents?) before the summer holiday.:D

 

When we moved to a new neighborhood several years ago, my ds (then 6) was up at 7 am ready to ring doorbells to meet all the kids in the neighborhood. :tongue_smilie: I made him wait til 9!

 

Hang in there!

[LaMere Academy]

Stop answering the door! :D

 

He knows we're home though, he can hear us through the door!

BUT...in a way that makes sense. Yes, we're home but the kids are busy so we're not going to answer. Gee, simple but it makes sense too. :001_huh:

 

I'm thinking a sign is what I'm going to do. If he doesn't go by the sign, no answering.

[Aubrey]

He knows we're home though, he can hear us through the door!

BUT...in a way that makes sense. Yes, we're home but the kids are busy so we're not going to answer. Gee, simple but it makes sense too. :001_huh:

 

I'm thinking a sign is what I'm going to do. If he doesn't go by the sign, no answering.

 

We had neighbor kids like this a while back. I just got sick of explaining to a 5 yo why my 2yo couldn't come out to play. Every 30 min.

 

And they would, they (she & her 8yo bro) would peek in the windows, ring the bell repeatedly, etc. Finally, they'd go home & call.

 

They finally got it, but I know what you mean. I felt bad, too--like I had to hide in my own house & explain every decision I made.

 

I guess I'd do a combo sign/ not answer the door. GL!!

[PariSarah]

Clear, kind, and blunt instructions; praise whenever they do what I've asked them to do; "time out" (as in, "It's time to go home now. You can try again tomorrow.") whenever they overstep their bounds.

 

I don't understand the hesitancy over saying, "Please remember to knock rather than ring--sometimes the baby is sleeping." Or "No, the kids can't come out until 4pm. You can knock then." Or "Dear, did you remember how I asked you not to ring the doorbell? Can you hear how the baby is fussing now? It's important that you knock, like I asked." Or "Okay, that's it. Basketball goal is closed for the day. You can come back tomorrow, and stay as long as you can keep out of my garden."

 

They're kids. They need direction from adults. You can't parent them--it's not your job--but you can give them directions concerning what's okay and not okay for your house.

[Mrs Mungo]

They're kids. They need direction from adults. You can't parent them--it's not your job--but you can give them directions concerning what's okay and not okay for your house.

 

While I understand what you are saying, not all kids take direction well. I had kids ringing my doorbell every 20-30 minutes while they were out for the holidays. Even when I told them "sorry, the kids can't play until after three." Hence, the sign.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

in such a way that they aren't ringing my doorbell every few minutes and not be rude??

 

 

How do you handle neighborhood kids?

 

I don't have any problem with telling kids that my kids can't play. We have some dear neighbors whose kids leave the most pleading messages on the answering machine. Our six kids would play together for hours every day if we let them.

But I don't feel guilty saying no, for whatever reason (school, illness, our kids are grumpy, other committment, whatever). I get them together as often as I can. But when I can't it isn't something that I have to feel guilty for.

I have seen homeschool families that had a sign on the door that indicated they were still doing school and the friends learned not to knock until the green light or smiley face sign was showing.:001_smile:

The new little girl is probably thrilled to make friends in the neighborhood. She is probably bored and happy to be with your kids. But that doesn't mean you can't say not now, not today or set any other conditions that you think are wise. Anyway I don't think it is a bad thing to teach young people that you can give a no answer that just has to be accepted as such, without giving some involved justification.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Honestly, I would not have allowed any childen that were strangers to play with mine. Had the new girl asked me I would have told her to bring her mother for me to meet first. I need to meet the parents first and approve. And I wouldn't be used as a babysitting service.

 

Parents that let their kids wander the neighborhood with no knowledge or care to their whereabouts disturb me.

 

I've met so many laissez-faire parents in regard to their children and life style.

 

I don't want to seem cold, but my children's safety is first.

 

You know, this really disturbs me too. Tonight she was here until dark. I was half tempted to see if her parents would ever call. We ended up telling her it was time to go and my husband watched her get home. I can NOT comprehend not knowing where my 6 year old is. I can not imagine not calling and seeing if it was ok for my child to be over there. I would be a WRECK if my daughters (any of them) where gone all day....especially in a new neighborhood (and new state for that matter). The fact that they don't seem to care worries me. When she wasn't with my kids, she was playing with other neighborhood kids. She is at my door the minute she gets home from school. It's weird. I feel bad for her really. I may be overly paranoid but that just seems dangerous and neglectful in this day and time.

[Aubrey]

"Dear, did you remember how I asked you not to ring the doorbell? Can you hear how the baby is fussing now? It's important that you knock, like I asked."

 

Whoa. You really do this? If I had a kid ringing the doorbell, waking up the baby, my icy glare would turn that kid to stone in a heartbeat. And if that failed, my frazzle-fried hair, blood-shot eyes, & general crazed-manic-looking state would get them.

 

Do. not. wake. the. baby. Hear me?

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

 

I would try to be tolerant as your schedule allows since she's new and perhaps missing old friends. IME she'll start to get busier, there will days it doesn't suit you or her, and the newness will wear off. But for your sake, I would work on getting this nicely understood with her (and parents?) before the summer holiday.:D

 

 

I think that's why I'm being as patient as I am. I do feel for her. But you just reminded me of summer holiday!:eek: We have a swimming pool and she can see straight into our back yard. I don't mind sharing our pool occasionally, but I certainly don't won't to be a summer babysitter and on constant pool patrol. Too dangerous, especially considering how careless her parents seem. Man, we've got to get that privacy fence up NOW!

 

I hope you are right and that some of the newness will where off. It's one thing not to answer our door, but something else to have her over every time she sees us in our back yard (which will be a lot come summer). How hard it will be to tell her no when we are swimming. I think most of my issues are with the lack of parental supervision now that I think of it.......

[Staci in MO]

We have neighborhood kids over at our house daily. But when it's time for us to eat, I send everyone home. They're over at our house every day, they can eat their meals with their families.

 

Like someone else said, I let them play as much as I can, but when we're busy, I can say no pretty easily.

 

FWIW, it seems like age six is the age when I had the most problems. My kids, and therefore the kids they play with, are all older now, and it seems to be easier.

[Kris]

Kids just don't have any sense of space or propriety. It always amazes me what kids will do. Of course, that's part of what makes them so refreshing, but it can also be a total pain.

 

I am as firm as I need to be to get the message across -- no more, no less. Too little and they don't believe you; too much and they're crushed.

 

We have rules in this house. Apparently, my neighbors don't, and they make fun of me, but that's tough. No visitors until after 4:00. Call before you come over. No phone calls after 9:00. I didn't have a "going home" time, but had to implement one last week because the kids would stay until I threw them out, and then the "getting ready for bed" stuff wasn't getting done. I don't see any good reason for a child to be visiting here until 10:00.

 

She sounds like a sweet, lonely little thing. While I would feel sorry for her, I'd have no interest in making my house her "home away from home." From what you say, I'd be pretty curious about her folks, considering she's so young and wandering the neighborhood, apparently without much parental supervision.

 

There's a fine line between hosting visitors and being a babysitting service. Sounds like you've been put on the wrong side of it. :-)

[Rebecca in VA]

as the children get older. It's *hard* to take care of other people's young children. It's no problem at all to have a 10-year-old over.

 

You need to be very careful not to hurt anyone's feelings or make enemies. These are your neighbors, and you'll be living near them for a long time. Two years ago my daughter made friends (for a brief time) with a homeschooled girl who lives two doors down from us. Her mother (a control freak) refused to let them play together, because she didn't want her daughter playing with "neighborhood kids." So my daughter made other friends in the neighborhood (the cul-de-sac next to us contains six girls ranging in age from eight to 13). They are WONDERFUL friends -- not perfect, but friendly and always available. My daughter is so happy now. She is learning to deal with all types of children. She prays for her friends who are unsaved, and she prays over neighborhood situations. I love seeing her having fun and growing socially.

 

(Oh, and the homeschooled neighbor girl? We see her occasionally, playing in her *fenced* front yard alone or with her brother. I won't have anything to do with the mother, who has basically isolated herself from any of the neighbors.)

 

We've seen that childhood sin -- gossip, cliques, spoiledness, etc. -- happens in homeschooled children as well as public school children. My daughter has shocked me with tales of malicious gossip that she has heard among her homeschooled friends (she has several circles of friends), who come from lovely families.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

as the children get older. It's *hard* to take care of other people's young children. It's no problem at all to have a 10-year-old over.

 

You need to be very careful not to hurt any one's feelings or make enemies. These are your neighbors, and you'll be living near them for a long time. Two years ago my daughter made friends (for a brief time) with a homeschooled girl who lives two doors down from us. Her mother (a control freak) refused to let them play together, because she didn't want her daughter playing with "neighborhood kids." So my daughter made other friends in the neighborhood (the cul-de-sac next to us contains six girls ranging in age from eight to 13). They are WONDERFUL friends -- not perfect, but friendly and always available. My daughter is so happy now. She is learning to deal with all types of children. She prays for her friends who are unsaved, and she prays over neighborhood situations. I love seeing her having fun and growing socially.

 

(Oh, and the homeschooled neighbor girl? We see her occasionally, playing in her *fenced* front yard alone or with her brother. I won't have anything to do with the mother, who has basically isolated herself from any of the neighbors.)

 

We've seen that childhood sin -- gossip, cliques, spoiledness, etc. -- happens in homeschooled children as well as public school children. My daughter has shocked me with tales of malicious gossip that she has heard among her homeschooled friends (she has several circles of friends), who come from lovely families.

 

I appreciate you sharing your experience. I certainly need to hear all sides of it, because I tend more towards isolating ourselves with those we know well. That's just what I'm most comfortable with. Every time I've tried with neighbors (like my current situation) I feel I get put in a bad situation.

 

I certainly agree with your statement of praying for the other children. I think that's a good point. And you are so right in that I've seen all kinds of negative crap from other kids even in our Christian homeschool group. I do think that's help relax my "standards". I do want to show this little girl love. I have already had to tell her (today) not to talk about ghosts and things like "look in the mirror three times saying Bloody Mary......". It scared my 7 year old daughter today and though I don't appreciate that kind of talk, she is six and seems very receptive to what I tell her. I want this to work, but again, I'm terrified by her parents or lack there of. She came over today, ate lunch with us, and played several hours. When it was time to send her home, my husband wasn't comfortable turning her out into the rain. He wanted to drive her home, but I said NO. We waited for it to stop and then let her go. It does make me nervous to have this responsibility of some one's six year old when haven't laid eyes on the parents. I don't want to prohibit her playing with my children, but I don't like this situation at this point.

 

By the way, they are renters, so I'm not sure how long they will live here, but still, I want a good relationship. I'm just feeling less and less keen on her parents. It's just so the opposite of me, that I can not relate to them. They have my number. Why don't they ever call and make sure she is here or tell her to come home or ask if it's alright if she comes over? Am I just too much of a control freak? She's six and we are complete strangers.

 

Bottom line is that I'm nervous. Yes, it's been an inconvenience at times, but I feel sorry for her and my youngest daughter enjoys playing with her. I'm trying to set ground rules when I see situations arise, but at the same time, I also don't want company every single day.

 

I've got to go find me two rocks to paint!:001_smile:

[Rebecca in VA]

That's what I'd do. I'd walk the girl home and chit-chat with her mom. You can let her know that you homeschool and what your general hours are. You can ask her to call you before Sally comes over to make sure it's convenient. You can tell her about the rock policy.

 

Years ago I got fed up with a neighbor who turned her children loose every morning after breakfast and didn't check on them during the day. She was too busy "unpacking" (this was military housing, and we all moved a lot, but her unpacking went on for weeks and weeks) to allow anyone else's kids to come over. I finally lost my patience with her and made some pointed comments. She become furious and refused to let her children even speak to mine ever afterwards. They were sweet kids -- though the mom was selfish and thoughtless -- and I was sorry to have my child lose their friendship. It would have been better if I'd addressed the issue early on, before things built up and I lost my temper.

[Jenny in Florida]

Even refusing to answer the door may not work for some kids.

 

When we lived in the apartment complex a few years ago, there was one family whose children were ALWAYS outside. They would knock on our door early in the day on any day they had off, even if I had told them in advance that my kids would be doing schoolwork and would not be available to play until after a certain time. If I answered the door and told them no, they would slink around to all of the windows and try to look in to see what we were doing. If I closed the blinds, they would knock on the windows and yell.

 

Then, they would wait 10 minutes and start over again with the door.

 

Argh.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Even refusing to answer the door may not work for some kids.

 

When we lived in the apartment complex a few years ago, there was one family whose children were ALWAYS outside. They would knock on our door early in the day on any day they had off, even if I had told them in advance that my kids would be doing schoolwork and would not be available to play until after a certain time. If I answered the door and told them no, they would slink around to all of the windows and try to look in to see what we were doing. If I closed the blinds, they would knock on the windows and yell.

 

Then, they would wait 10 minutes and start over again with the door.

 

Argh.

 

Yes, that seems to be her. Yesterday she saw my husband and me walking and knew the kids were here. She rang and rang the doorbell.

 

Today, when she came over, I told her that Sundays were our family days and that we won't be playing. But my husband felt sorry for her since she had walked over in the rain. So, we let her stay for several hours. She's been gone about two hours and JUST now rang our door wanting to know if my oldest could play. My oldest is nearly 13 and has no interest in playing with her. My 7 year old does, but she always asks for my oldest. Anyway, I reminded her of our Sunday rule and explained that we had let her play earlier since she was already here and didn't know our rule. Maybe, hopefully, she'll get it figured out. I just can't stand this. It's really starting to get on my nerves.......

[Scarlett]

I hope you are right and that some of the newness will where off. It's one thing not to answer our door, but something else to have her over every time she sees us in our back yard (which will be a lot come summer). How hard it will be to tell her no when we are swimming. I think most of my issues are with the lack of parental supervision now that I think of it.......

 

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. It so saddens me that this child is clearly not a priority for her parents. If she is a pleasant child and obeys while in your home, consider letting her around as much as possible. In fact, if she comes during school, tell her she can stay and sit through a lesson with your children. Your home might be the best part of this child's life.

 

OTOH, she isn't your responsibility and please don't feel guilty for sending her home and/or telling her your kids can't play. As for the pool, sit down and write out your responses right now for this summer. Be VERY clear the times will be very limited for which she can come and join your kids in your pool. I'm thinking once a week for 2 hours? I don't know, but you can't have her hanging out in your pool all summer due to the safety issue. You would have to be right there with her for fear she might drowned in your pool. I don't know the ages of your other kids, but if you don't have to sit with them you sure dont' want to have to sit with a neighbor kid.

 

There is a little boy from the next street over whose mother lets him just sort of run wild. He is 9, a year older than my son, and when he comes over his mother doesn't know where he is. I finally did meet her, after he had been coming over for months. I 'know' her through the grapevine, and I've been told to not let my ds play at her house because she is so scatterbrained and doesn't watch her kids. The kid is nice enough, but I do find myself resenting him for what I think is the thoughtlessness of his mother.

[j.griff]

"You can come over when we invite you. If you keep coming over when we've told you not to, and you keep ringing our doorbell- my dc will not be allowed to play with you any more, at all. You are interrupting us, and that is rude."

And then, stick with it. If you have to, tell her mother that she is being a nuissance by ringing your doorbell constantly and that you'd appreciate it if she'd stop her from doing so.

[Janet in WA]

Do you think that you could enforce a "call first" policy? No dropping in to ring the doorbell or look into the backyard -- she must call on the phone to ask if it's okay to come over? You could then screen the calls if you didn't want to answer every time she called. Does that seem silly? The only other way I can see to avoid the pool problem would be to tell her she can never come over unless invited first. Or else install a privacy fence.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

"You can come over when we invite you. If you keep coming over when we've told you not to, and you keep ringing our doorbell- my dc will not be allowed to play with you any more, at all. You are interrupting us, and that is rude."

And then, stick with it. If you have to, tell her mother that she is being a nuissance by ringing your doorbell constantly and that you'd appreciate it if she'd stop her from doing so.

 

It may just have to come down to that. I keep reminding myself that she is only 6......such a baby and such a sweet child. Though she talks of things I would rather my kids not hear, she is well mannered and polite. We just have to get the ground rules down.

 

Do you think that you could enforce a "call first" policy? No dropping in to ring the doorbell or look into the backyard -- she must call on the phone to ask if it's okay to come over? You could then screen the calls if you didn't want to answer every time she called. Does that seem silly? The only other way I can see to avoid the pool problem would be to tell her she can never come over unless invited first. Or else install a privacy fence.

 

I had wondered about this as well. My only concern would be that my phone would be ringing off the hook instead of my door bell ringing. I may do like someone else suggested and tell her we will call her when the girls can play (and actually do it a few days a week).

 

About the pool, my husband said that she can't swim unless her mom is here. I thought that was a good idea, after all, I'm not sure she can even swim and I have my own toddler to look after. Then we starting envisioning the mom pulling up a lawn chair with her cigs and beer and wanting to use the pool every day!:lol: Kidding of course, but I don't know her and though we were laughing about the idea of creating a bigger problem than a 6 year old ringing my doorbell, I do question the character of the mom. She may be a perfectly nice person and loving parent, and I hope so. My husband wants to try and meet them within the week, to hopefully resolve our concerns.

 

I totally agree that we have to work out some rules for the pool and any time we are in the back yard for that matter. There are times I like for my kids to just play with each other and it never fails when company is here, they want to exclude one of the siblings.

 

I appreciate all the feedback. I wanted to hear different points of view. I admire those that can have kids at their house all the time. I guess I lean a little more towards being an introvert and it drains me a little having someone around....even when it's one of my own dear friends that I want to be here.

[Scarlett]

About the pool, my husband said that she can't swim unless her mom is here. I thought that was a good idea, after all, I'm not sure she can even swim and I have my own toddler to look after. Then we starting envisioning the mom pulling up a lawn chair with her cigs and beer and wanting to use the pool every day!:lol: Kidding of course, but I don't know her and though we were laughing about the idea of creating a bigger problem than a 6 year old ringing my doorbell, I do question the character of the mom.

 

 

Is this the first year you've had the pool?

 

My neighbor put a pool in 2 summers ago, and the neighbor behind her (the one with the kids she lets run wild) ask, 'what is your policy on letting people use your pool?'

 

My neighbor said, 'When we invite you, you can come.'

 

LOL. I thought that was PERFECT and I don't know how she thought so quickly.

 

It is a policy that would be useful with your neighbors.....invite the little girl and mom over for 2 hours once a week or something. My neighbor with the pool does that with me and my ds. She works from home and sometimes she will call and say, 'We are taking lunch out by the pool if you and your ds want to join us for an hour.' We are careful to watch the clock (she has a HUGE clock on the side of her house that you can see from the pool) and respect their time constraints. And sometimes she will call and say, 'Can your ds come over and swim?' and I respect that she might be watching them from her window, but can't really visit with me. But my ds is 8 and can swim well...so I don't worry about him now.

 

Anyway, my point is it is very very important to be up front from the beginning and then not feel guilty about enforcing your families rules.

(I still feel sorry for that little girl though. :()

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Is this the first year you've had the pool?

 

My neighbor put a pool in 2 summers ago, and the neighbor behind her (the one with the kids she lets run wild) ask, 'what is your policy on letting people use your pool?'

 

My neighbor said, 'When we invite you, you can come.'

 

LOL. I thought that was PERFECT and I don't know how she thought so quickly.

 

It is a policy that would be useful with your neighbors.....invite the little girl and mom over for 2 hours once a week or something. My neighbor with the pool does that with me and my ds. She works from home and sometimes she will call and say, 'We are taking lunch out by the pool if you and your ds want to join us for an hour.' We are careful to watch the clock (she has a HUGE clock on the side of her house that you can see from the pool) and respect their time constraints. And sometimes she will call and say, 'Can your ds come over and swim?' and I respect that she might be watching them from her window, but can't really visit with me. But my ds is 8 and can swim well...so I don't worry about him now.

 

Anyway, my point is it is very very important to be up front from the beginning and then not feel guilty about enforcing your families rules.

(I still feel sorry for that little girl though. :()

 

I really feel sorry for her too! My husband and I have compassion for her and we both felt that we were kids very much like her when we were little. But I'm trying to not let that interfere with safety and our right to peace. I guess that's why I came here.....to talk it out to find the right and proper balance.

 

This will be our 3rd summer with the pool, but the first time we will have an issue with a neighbor kid. The other neighbors that we know have their own pool and our two closet sets of friends have their own pool so we've never had anyone wanting to come over to swim much. I WANT people to come swim, but a 6 year old coming over all the time with no parental involvement bothers me.

 

I like the "when we invite you, you can come"!:) I need to toughen up!

 

We're also going to find out about getting a privacy fence. We need one anyway because of my other neighbor and his 8 dogs!!:eek:

[Gamom3]

I had to get ugly:cursing:

I told them they had rung the door bell enough, if we did not come to the door the first time then we obviously didn't want to answer.

I then called the mom and told her that it had to STOP.

I then put a note under the doorbell that said "Kids do not ring doorbell, knock once ONLY".

When the kids came back over, I read it to them. Trust me they memorized it, everytime they rung the doorbell or knocked more than once, I told them to read the note.

I took the note down a few months ago. NOW...my doorbell is out(bummer) and the note is up again. I am sure with spring break here and summer on the way, I will have to remind them again, but they will remember very quickly.

 

I also put on an angry face when I open the door!!:toetap05:

The mom tell me that they are afraid of me..I told them good!

 

I HATE kids ringing the doorbell or knocking excessively

[j.griff]

LOL- doorbells and ringing phones are major triggers for me- instant flames spilling out of my mouth. :o

Our next door neighbor girls (6 and 4, I believe) will throw a toy over our fence, then instead of asking my child that is outside to give it to them- they run to our door and press the doorbell overandoverandoverandoverandover- ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong until I either snap and open the door to tell them to STOP IT! Or they finally go away (that has happened when I was in the bathroom when they started, LOL). It doesn't happen often at all, or else I'd have a long talk with them AND their mom.

[Kelli in TN]

We had a stop sign on our door. One side was red and said "School in Session: Please Come Back Later." The other side was green and said "Time to Play!" It was a HUGE help.

 

Fabulous!! Our neigbor kids are not pests AT ALL, but we do homeschool during their summer break and this sounds like a GREAT idea.:thumbup1:

[Guest sdzefoster]

We have the same problem here. Sometimes I feel like the neighborhood babysitter. I constantly tell myself that God has allowed this for a reason. They are finding something here that they are not getting at home. Sometimes, I tell my kids upfront, that today we are just going to have "family time". So, when the kids come running over, my kids know to tell them that today we are having "family time". It's just a nice way of letting them know that you prefer them not to be there that particular day. It really send a strong message to them as well. Some of my neighborhood kids are now having "family time" with their families!

[Rebecca VA]

I invite the kids in and have them sit there while we do school. Sometimes the kids are interested and want to stay and learn. Sometimes they drift away. But doing this allows us to be hospitable while staying on course with school.

[LibraryLover]

Not that same, but our hs group is notorious for outings. There is something going on every single day. The yahoo group is filled with multiple weekly outings...and as releaxed as I am, there is no way we can do all that, since welll...we do do grammar and math and such. The phone rings too, and I usually do not answer it, but sometimes my kids do, thinking it's Dad or perhaps Grandma.

 

Even adults have a hard time understanding that ...well...not everyone wants to be out of the house every single day. Every.Single. Day.

 

We are in a good place, and I do not feel guilty not answering the phone or saying no, or pretneding I had no idea another event was taking place. So basically, many hsers do this as well, except they call rather than knock.:001_huh: That goodness for Off ringers.

[ValRN]

We had the large "homeschool in session" sign. It stopped the kids from ringing the bell, but they proceeded to walk around the house looking in the windows to see what we were doing. :lol: