WWYD regarding future DIL and grandbaby?

[KidsHappen]

Can you communicate with her through your son?

 

No, he is not allowed visitors or phone calls and written communications take weeks. I received the news that he was incarcerated and that the baby was born from the family.

 

At the very least, my hubby is going down today. If I can arrange care for the younger kids, then I will go as well. That way I can at least see with my own eyes what is going on. If not, well then I will send hubby with a lot of questions. He is actually a much better people person than I am and he can be very caring and helpful so even if he is the only one that can go, I am sure I will get some more answers and a somewhat objective assessment of the situation.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No, he is not allowed visitors or phone calls and written communications take weeks. I received the news that he was incarcerated and that the baby was born from the family.

 

At the very least, my hubby is going down today. If I can arrange care for the younger kids, then I will go as well. That way I can at least see with my own eyes what is going on. If not, well then I will send hubby with a lot of questions. He is actually a much better people person than I am and he can be very caring and helpful so even if he is the only one that can go, I am sure I will get some more answers and a somewhat objective assessment of the situation.

 

Let us know how it goes.

[MelanieM]

Is there any way that you can arrange for services for her locally, where you are? If your son asked if she could stay there with the baby, then it sounds like she's willing to move to your area. Maybe if you make some calls and arrange as much as you can for her there, you can find her and the baby a home near you and then you'll be in a position to help out.

 

I really think that separating a mother and baby pair should be an absolute last resort, and only take place if the baby is in danger. There must be ways to help keep this baby *and* her mama off the street.

 

As for talking to her, I would suggest being honest and upfront. Let her know that you will help as much as you are able, and that she can ask for what she needs and you'll do what you can. Tell her you don't have room for another adult, but would be happy to help her find a place for her and the baby. Let her know that you'll help with the baby if she needs that. Reassure her that you are family, and let her know what that means from your perspective.

 

Sending you love and support as you navigate these waters. This mama and her baby are lucky to have you in their corner.

Edited January 23, 2010 by MelanieM

[stripe]

They live in AL. Do you happen to have a link to AL law? I hadn't even thought to question it before because well, no one is contesting the paternity but now I am curious. It does seem kind of odd that you can just list any old person as father.

In my state, you can give the child any last name. However, they are VERY clear, that this does not establish paternity. One has to either be married to the father at the time of the conception or birth, or have the father acknowledge paternity. I think this can be done later, too, and he'd be added on. Otherwise, there's nothing put there, as far as I know.

 

I would highly encourage her -- if I were you, I'd take her myself -- to the office to get on any social programs she or your grandchild is eligible for, especially medical care. Maybe housing (section 8) and food would be helpful as well. If she is open to taking classes, encourage that, and maybe you could spend time with her (not living with her) to try to help her out. You could offer to regularly babysit while she took classes or went to the doctor or other such important task. It seems like she could use help getting herself to a better place.

[ConnieB]

There does seem to be some reluctance on both her and her mother's part to get involved in the system. It's not that she doesn't want to take care of the baby but more than she really just doesn't know how. She is an adult (about my son's age) but she is just overwhelmed.

 

My hope would be that if I did take the baby in she would be able to go back to work (she did have a job before) and get back on her feet so that once my son got out of jail they could resume caring for the child. To tell you the truth, I am not quite sure why her mother wouldn't just do this instead. Her mom does work but it seems like they should be able to juggle schedules so that someone could care for the baby at all times. These people don't know me. I am basically a stranger to them. I have never met them and only learned about them in Oct. So they haven't been totally open with me regarding the situation and I can't talk to my son so I know I am not getting the whole story which mankes it really hard to help. Plus, I am just a worry wart by nature.

 

 

People who have drug problems (past or present) and other run ins with the law tend to not want to go to the governement for financial help on the fear that they will be "caught" if they're still using. And a lot of people that have had such negative experience with the police, etc, fear that if they don't have a way to support the baby then the baby will be taken away. Hence the reasons she may not have told the truth about the baby's father living with them when he obviously is not.

 

It sounds like if she were receiving welfare/food stamps/housing/WIC that she might do much better. Since she is either reluctant/scared or clueless about how to apply for these things, perhaps you could arrange to go to her area to go along (read: take her) to the appointments to get the paperwork started. Lots of reassurance that they aren't going to take the baby away or arrest her (so long as she's not obviously high when she goes of course). This should take care of food for her, formula for the baby and enough money to perhaps get a 1 bedroom studio until the welfare housing becomes available (in most states there is a waiting list so it may be a few months). This will also go a long way towards helping her see that you are someone she can trust, that you want what's best for her and the baby.

 

Then later you can broach the subject that you'd be able to take the baby for a short time if she wants to get a job to get off welfare and get herself ready to take the baby back again. The other possibility would be for you to tell your son your concerns....you want to help out with the baby, but you don't want your young children influenced by her lifestyle on a daily basis. Hopefully you can speak more frankly to him than you may want to do with the girl you hardly know. Then perhaps your son can suggest to her that Grandma take the baby for a couple months until she gets a job and a place to live and etc etc etc. It may be a lot easier for her to take coming from him since it sounds like their relationship is still good. From you she may think you're trying to take the baby away forever....from him she may realize that you're willing to help out but accept that the baby is hers not yours.

 

While the former lawyer in me agrees with the other posters about legal documentation.....remember that this can then affect the amount of welfare and other services the mother may receive. If you have legal papers giving YOU custody, as opposed to "I'm just babysitting", then if she continues to accept welfare money and other services based on "mother and infant" that could lead to fraud charges against her. Not something you want to risk with someone already to close to the line between good and bad behavior. Besides, your intent IS to let her have the baby back when she's back on her feet right.....not to judge whether her idea of on her feet is up to your standards. It will be difficult to return the baby anyways....but if she's found an apartment in a not-so-great neighborhood will you refuse? If your concern is she'll start using again if she's on her own, realize that there are remedies if she shows up at the door demanding her baby and she's flying high. The threat of a call to the police over concern of the baby will send her running, of course, so if that's the only concern I'd not do the legal documentation just for that single reason that you wouldn't give the baby back. If there are other circumstances that you won't return the baby, then you will need to figure out if you'd have legal legs to stand on....her housing choices won't work in most cases, for example.

 

:grouphug:

[4kiddies]

Is there an update on this? Where is the baby now?

[ConnieB]

This is going to sound horribly harsh, but let's look at it from another angle.

 

If an older woman you barely know, who has a son in jail, came up to you and said basically, "I can take in your baby, but not you," wouldn't you be wary and suspicious?

 

Won't she be thinking, "Why should I give my child to a woman whose own child is in jail?"

 

Not that I'm thinking that! I'm honestly not!! But won't she think that way?

 

I believe that the only way to help her is to get to know her and let her get to know you. Then she can decide if she trusts you. You're a virtual stranger to her. How could she possibly hand her child over to a virtual stranger? But if you get to know her and show her that you are harmless and genuine in your desire to help, then she may be able to accept your offer.

 

Except in this case, the guy in jail is the same one that the girl slept with to conceive the child. So if she's going to judge KidsHappen for having a child in jail, she'd have to judge herself about getting involved with him in the first place. And, from what KidsHappen says the girl doesn't exactly have a squeakly clean past, so she's not likely to look down her nose at someone in jail.

 

I'd also like to add (and I'm guessing Garga feels the same way so please don't think I'm picking on you)....just because a child runs into the wrong side of the law doesn't mean that the mother failed in raising that child. KidsHappen has other kids that apparently aren't in jail or in trouble in any way. I know we mothers tend to think every bump our kids go through is because we failed somehow (and maybe more so when we homeschool!) but the fact is that some kids just make bad choices in life no matter how they were raised. For that matter, look at the news headlines.....apparently being a successful person for decades of your life doesn't prevent you from screwing up royally!

 

And conversely.....sometimes moms can be royal screwups but her kids can actually turn out really well! My DH's mother was an alcoholic that left him alone at home with no food in the cupboards for weeks at a time when she went on a bender...starting when his dad left her when DH was 7 years old! The other things she did while supposedly raising him would lead one to read her life story and assume that her kid was either dead or so messed up now as an adult that he'd be pretty low on the society totem pole. But my DH gained strength from his need to raise himself...and saw what drugs/alcohol and other bad behavior did to a person and turned the other way around. He's a 1* in the Air Force....not an easy thing to accomplish no matter what your background.

 

We moms can only do our best and the rest is up to the child.

Edited January 27, 2010 by ConnieB

[KidsHappen]

Except in this case, the guy in jail is the same one that the girl slept with to conceive the child. So if she's going to judge KidsHappen for having a child in jail, she'd have to judge herself about getting involved with him in the first place. And, from what KidsHappen says the girl doesn't exactly have a squeakly clean past, so she's not likely to look down her nose at someone in jail.

 

I'd also like to add (and I'm guessing Garga feels the same way so please don't think I'm picking on you)....just because a child runs into the wrong side of the law doesn't mean that the mother failed in raising that child. KidsHappen has other kids that apparently aren't in jail or in trouble in any way. I know we mothers tend to think every bump our kids go through is because we failed somehow (and maybe more so when we homeschool!) but the fact is that some kids just make bad choices in life no matter how they were raised. For that matter, look at the news headlines.....apparently being a successful person for decades of your life doesn't prevent you from screwing up royally!

 

And conversely.....sometimes moms can be royal screwups but her kids can actually turn out really well! My DH's mother was an alcoholic that left him alone at home with no food in the cupboards for weeks at a time when she went on a bender...starting when his dad left her when DH was 7 years old! The other things she did while supposedly raising him would lead one to read her life story and assume that her kid was either dead or so messed up now as an adult that he'd be pretty low on the society totem pole. But my DH gained strength from his need to raise himself...and saw what drugs/alcohol and other bad behavior did to a person and turned the other way around. He's a 1* in the Air Force....not an easy thing to accomplish no matter what your background.

 

We moms can only do our best and the rest is up to the child.

 

Thanks hon. I really appreciate the uplifting message today.

[KidsHappen]

Is there an update on this? Where is the baby now?

 

Yes, we took a car load of stuff down on Sunday. The mother did not want us to go to their apartment so we met her somewhere else. The dd and baby did not come so I still haven't met them or even seen pictures of the baby. The mother did again mention their dire finacial straights so I think that they are looking for finacial help. Of course, we will provide what we can in the form of formula and diapers but I don't know that we can do much more than that. I know that she is also in contact with my ex and his wife and I think that they are helping some as well. I am going to write my son and see if I can get any more info from him. It is very frustrating but I understand that we are strangers to them and that if it was my dd I would also be very protective of her.

[LibraryLover]

That would scare me. Not allowing you to the apartment? Perhaps I have seen too many episodes of Hoarders recently. Not letting you see the baby? What is going on? How can you be sure everything is OK? Is your ds concerned? I suppose it would be the most evil thing you if called your DS and asked him if he thought DSS should take a peek? Although on what grounds?

 

Wow, this has got to have you hurting like crazy. :grouphug: Can you contact the mother directly or is that just out-of-the question?

[SquirrellyMama]

Yes, we took a car load of stuff down on Sunday. The mother did not want us to go to their apartment so we met her somewhere else. The dd and baby did not come so I still haven't met them or even seen pictures of the baby. The mother did again mention their dire finacial straights so I think that they are looking for finacial help. Of course, we will provide what we can in the form of formula and diapers but I don't know that we can do much more than that. I know that she is also in contact with my ex and his wife and I think that they are helping some as well. I am going to write my son and see if I can get any more info from him. It is very frustrating but I understand that we are strangers to them and that if it was my dd I would also be very protective of her.

 

I know this might sound out there but are you sure the baby is your son's child? It seems really strange that they will not let you see the baby. Has your son seen the baby? Is he sure it is his?

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

That would scare me. Not allowing you to the apartment? Perhaps I have seen too many episodes of Hoarders recently. Not letting you see the baby? What is going on? How can you be sure everything is OK? Is your ds concerned? I suppose it would be the most evil thing you if called your DS and asked him if he thought DSS should take a peek? Although on what grounds?

 

Wow, this has got to have you hurting like crazy. :grouphug: Can you contact the mother directly or is that just out-of-the question?

 

:iagree:

 

If they are not hesitating asking for financial help, then they should not hesitate to let you see the daughter and baby as well IMHO.

:grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I know this might sound out there but are you sure the baby is your son's child? It seems really strange that they will not let you see the baby. Has your son seen the baby? Is he sure it is his?

 

Sadly, these kind of things have been known to happen as well:(

[Barb_]

Yes, we took a car load of stuff down on Sunday. The mother did not want us to go to their apartment so we met her somewhere else. The dd and baby did not come so I still haven't met them or even seen pictures of the baby. The mother did again mention their dire finacial straights so I think that they are looking for finacial help. Of course, we will provide what we can in the form of formula and diapers but I don't know that we can do much more than that. I know that she is also in contact with my ex and his wife and I think that they are helping some as well. I am going to write my son and see if I can get any more info from him. It is very frustrating but I understand that we are strangers to them and that if it was my dd I would also be very protective of her.

 

Oh man. They want money but no help? They are contacting both sides of the family? They won't allow you to see the child? Red flags waving all over the place.

 

I'm so sorry. Please keep updating on the situation.

 

Barb

[4kiddies]

I agree with the previous posters. Major red flags here....you have never seen the baby? Did they know you were coming this past weekend? I think it is time to contact authorities for a well check. At the very least I think they are trying to scam money out of you. Is your son allowed visits? Maybe you need to go see him and get the story....

[Scarlett]

They will take your money but not let you meet your future dil and your son's child???? She is 20 yo, not 16. Are we sure there is a baby? Are we sure everything is ok with dil and baby? It worries me that you have only had contact with the other grandmother and never with dil. If there was something bad going on, abuse, she was sick or even dead you wouldn't know.

 

It smells like a scam so regardless of how long it takes your son to get a letter I think you need to start writing. I would seriously consider refusing to help more until you can be sure that dil and baby are healthy and safe.

 

Wow. Red flags all over this one. Sorry KidsHappen....hope you get to the bottom of it.

[KidsHappen]

My son called me when she was 7 months pregnant to tell me that she was pregnant and that he had to go to jail. He went to jail about 1 week before the baby was born. He has not seen the baby since it was born. I have not talked to him since he has been in jail as he is not allowed visits or phone calls. He has my address but has not written me. Apparently he is writing the mother. The only communication that I have had has been through the grandmother. She called me to tell me when he went to jail and when the baby was born. I have also talked to her a few times since then. I have not talked directly to the dd but indirectly to her through the grandmother (I can hear her talking in the background). We did see the grandmother but not mother and baby. I am pretty sure that there is a mother and baby and they they are safe (just not as well cared for as they could be). However, I would not swear that the baby is my son's. He says it is and they were together when she got pregnant so I have no reason to doubt it.

 

She called earlier today but I missed her call. I have to go to an appt. right now but I will post more later.

[Barb_]

 

She called earlier today but I missed her call. I have to go to an appt. right now but I will post more later.

 

Yes, please do. I also wanted to note that my thought wasn't that the baby didn't exist or wasn't actually your grandbaby...more along the lines of the daughter isn't as desperate as she claims. She and her mom sound like they are trying to bleed you and your ex for money. But we don't have the whole story. When you say she called, do you mean the girlfriend or her mom?

 

Barb

[Scarlett]

Yes, please do. I also wanted to note that my thought wasn't that the baby didn't exist or wasn't actually your grandbaby...more along the lines of the daughter isn't as desperate as she claims. She and her mom sound like they are trying to bleed you and your ex for money. But we don't have the whole story. When you say she called, do you mean the girlfriend or her mom?

 

Barb

 

I agree Barb...a million things are going through my head too....I can't think of a SINGLE reason the baby and baby's mother wouldn't have come to meet the baby's grandparents. Well, the one I can think of is that the baby is OBVIOUSLY from site, not Kidshappen. But beyond that it just seems like they are scammers of some sort. Especially since they are working both sides of the family for money.

[carlychan]

What a tough situation. I would not give them anything else until I had some access to the child. It almost seems like they are hiding things from you. Good luck!

 

carly

[mycalling]

I'm sorry but it sounds like you are getting played, big time.

 

You didn't know about them until October - did you hear about them from your son or the other grandma? Odd that your son never mentioned he was going to be a dad.

 

You said your son could have taken care of his jail stuff and been out by the birth, does this mean he has been in since before and has never met this child? He asked you by mail to help them while he's in jail? Also, you said you've never seen a picture but know it's your son's child because the baby looks just like your family?

 

You've never spoken to the baby's mother, but last you heard they lived in a mobile home the grandma owned, yet now a landlord is evicting just the mother who stays with the grandma who is renting an apartment?? You drive all the way down there but they just want your stuff, not to meet you...nor do they care if you'd like to meet your granddaughter. Plus, they are playing both of your son's parents for money/stuff, but can't manage to get on aid for every excuse in the book.

[KidsHappen]

I'm sorry but it sounds like you are getting played, big time.

 

You didn't know about them until October - did you hear about them from your son or the other grandma? Odd that your son never mentioned he was going to be a dad.

 

You said your son could have taken care of his jail stuff and been out by the birth, does this mean he has been in since before and has never met this child? He asked you by mail to help them while he's in jail? Also, you said you've never seen a picture but know it's your son's child because the baby looks just like your family?

 

You've never spoken to the baby's mother, but last you heard they lived in a mobile home the grandma owned, yet now a landlord is evicting just the mother who stays with the grandma who is renting an apartment?? You drive all the way down there but they just want your stuff, not to meet you...nor do they care if you'd like to meet your granddaughter. Plus, they are playing both of your son's parents for money/stuff, but can't manage to get on aid for every excuse in the book.

 

I heard about them from my son in Oct. before he went to jail. He called and told me he was going to have a baby but that he also had to pay a fine or go to jail. My son's orginal court date was in Oct., a week after he called. He could have served his time then (90 days) but he got a 60 day continuance hoping to work it out somehow. In December he had to go back to court and they told him he had to pay his fine or serve his time. He went to jail one (maybe two?) weeks/s before the baby was born. He asked if the girl could move in here back in Oct. when he called before going to jail. I haven't actually seen the baby but I am told that she looks like my son. My son hasn't seen the baby either but I don't know if he has seen pictures. It is my understanding that my son and the mother have been writing each other. I have not received any letters from my son though. Last time I talked to the grandmother she said that he didn't have my address, even though I have had the same address for 6-7 years. I just got his address at the prison so I will be writing him.

 

I have never spoken to the mother herself. Her and my son were living in a mobile home (which belong to the grandmother) in Oct. when he called the first time. I posted on that. The home was not fit for a pregnant woman to be living in and he said that she could not live with her mother so could she come here. Apparently, when she had the baby the landlord relented and said she could stay a month (which is up about now). Since my son has been in jail, I know that he hasn't been able to do any more work on the mobile home than he did before he went to jail. So I don't know if she intends to go back there or what.

 

They have not directly asked for any money. I honestly believe that they are just dirt poor, afraid of the system and perhaps hestitant of me getting involved because they don't really know me. The mother is not working and the grandmother works a minimum wage job. Mostly I don't understand why they aren't getting all the help from the state that they can. Based on my understanding of the situation she should be elgible for WIC, food stamps, AFDC, medical care and maybe some kind of housing program. I guess I won't really know any more until I hear from the grandmother again or my son writes.

 

Good grief, my life sounds like a soap opera. I am so glad that I have been on here so long, otherwise I wouldn't have even posted about this mess. :001_smile:

[TravelingChris]

I thought I posted a reply but I can't find it.

 

One reason that you may not have seen the baby nor even a photo is that seeing the baby would tell you it isn't your grandchild. THis is assuming that your son and his girlfriend are the same race. Then if the baby is a different race, you would know and not give her any funds.

 

The WIC story of that she named your son as the father and that is why she isn't getting WIC is simply untrue. WIC is for low income people and they can be married or not but your son is not earning income in a jail so that is not additional income. She may not be collecting WIC because she doesn't want intrusion into her life. THe landlord story gives more clues about what is going on. While the landlord could be kicking out the 20 yo and her baby because of lease restrictions, I think it is more likely that it is a drug eviction. That is because if it is a mobile home, it should have enough space for three and usually the landlord isn't controlling the private mobile home, just the space. On the other hand, if drug use or sale is involved, the home and the property (mobile home park) could be seized as a drug seizure.

 

I would recommend that if you are thinking of giving any financial help or even material help (diapers, formula), you insist on a photo. Then if I was satisfied it could be my grandchild, I would locate through the web how and where she could apply for WIC, food stamps, section 8, etc. in Alabama. I would get that info to her. I would not send any money to her at all. Even with the formula, that can be traded for drugs but at least it is a bit harder.

[Danestress]

She could be getting services or getting signed up for them and not want to share that information, for whatever reason. Perhaps she's not being candid about that part of it. Maybe she doesn't want anyone to know the details because she's embarrassed about the social service or she just doesn't want anyone in her business.

 

I think it's quite possible that this girl is just very very cautious because she's afraid of losing her baby. She may well be thinking, "If things don't work out with BF [KD's son] I want to be in a strong position to be the sole custodian." She might be thinking that KH will want to take the baby, will call DSS if she sees a messy apartment, or will file a lawsuit for visitation, and she may think that keeping the baby away is her best protection. She may be emotionally fragile or paranoid.

 

She's dating and had a baby with a man who didn't contact his parents for a very very long time. Maybe he has told her stories about KH's family (untrue, perhaps) that make her wary.

 

She also might be overwhelmed.

 

I don't know. I would be so worried about this if I were the grandmother. I can't even imagine what you are going through, Kidshappen. I'm not defending this young lady's choices (or the son's) but just saying that it could be something very different from what you are thinking.

[aggieamy]

I thought I posted a reply but I can't find it.

 

One reason that you may not have seen the baby nor even a photo is that seeing the baby would tell you it isn't your grandchild. THis is assuming that your son and his girlfriend are the same race. Then if the baby is a different race, you would know and not give her any funds.

 

The WIC story of that she named your son as the father and that is why she isn't getting WIC is simply untrue. WIC is for low income people and they can be married or not but your son is not earning income in a jail so that is not additional income. She may not be collecting WIC because she doesn't want intrusion into her life. THe landlord story gives more clues about what is going on. While the landlord could be kicking out the 20 yo and her baby because of lease restrictions, I think it is more likely that it is a drug eviction. That is because if it is a mobile home, it should have enough space for three and usually the landlord isn't controlling the private mobile home, just the space. On the other hand, if drug use or sale is involved, the home and the property (mobile home park) could be seized as a drug seizure.

 

I would recommend that if you are thinking of giving any financial help or even material help (diapers, formula), you insist on a photo. Then if I was satisfied it could be my grandchild, I would locate through the web how and where she could apply for WIC, food stamps, section 8, etc. in Alabama. I would get that info to her. I would not send any money to her at all. Even with the formula, that can be traded for drugs but at least it is a bit harder.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking! No picture? That's really odd. How many new grandmothers don't show off a new baby picture? Assuming they are concerned the KH might interfere with custody right or they're concerned with government intrusion through WIC ... there still wouldn't be anything for them to lose by showing KH a picture of the new baby.

 

Something is really off in this whole situation. Please be careful.

[KidsHappen]

She could be getting services or getting signed up for them and not want to share that information, for whatever reason. Perhaps she's not being candid about that part of it. Maybe she doesn't want anyone to know the details because she's embarrassed about the social service or she just doesn't want anyone in her business.

 

I think it's quite possible that this girl is just very very cautious because she's afraid of losing her baby. She may well be thinking, "If things don't work out with BF [KD's son] I want to be in a strong position to be the sole custodian." She might be thinking that KH will want to take the baby, will call DSS if she sees a messy apartment, or will file a lawsuit for visitation, and she may think that keeping the baby away is her best protection. She may be emotionally fragile or paranoid.

 

She's dating and had a baby with a man who didn't contact his parents for a very very long time. Maybe he has told her stories about KH's family (untrue, perhaps) that make her wary.

 

She also might be overwhelmed.

 

I am thinking that it is something along these lines and to tell you the truth, if I was involved with my son, I would have concerns too. But I am his mom, so I love him anyhow.

[Renai]

 

She's dating and had a baby with a man who didn't contact his parents for a very very long time. Maybe he has told her stories about KH's family (untrue, perhaps) that make her wary.

 

She also might be overwhelmed.

 

As for the bolded part, what stood out for me was the mom was turned down to live with KH in October. That may still be a sore spot for her. (I understand why you didn't want that, but it may be a factor on why she doesn't speak to you directly, not wanting you to see her apartment, etc.)

 

Hun, I'm also glad you're a long-time member, otherwise...well, you know :tongue_smilie:.

 

Hoping here that everything works out for the best for everyone.

[KidsHappen]

As for the bolded part, what stood out for me was the mom was turned down to live with KH in October. That may still be a sore spot for her. (I understand why you didn't want that, but it may be a factor on why she doesn't speak to you directly, not wanting you to see her apartment, etc.)

 

Hun, I'm also glad you're a long-time member, otherwise...well, you know :tongue_smilie:.

 

Yeah, I know! :tongue_smilie:

 

The top part is a possibility I didn't consider. I have been so stressed out that I probably have failed to consider things from her possible POV.

[Miss Sherry]

Wow, that's rough.

 

What makes you think the girl would leave the baby with you to take care of? (That sounds snarky, but I don't mean it that way at all.) I mean, has she given you some indication that she would do that? If not, the suggestion might not be received well.

 

Or you could say something like 'We have room to keep (baby) with us while you find a place/get yourself on your feet/whatever. That might work. That way she won't feel like you're trying to take her baby from her, but just trying to help her out until she can get more stable. And if she took you up on it, you could look into getting temporary assistance for the baby in your area maybe? I'm not sure how that works...

 

That sounds like a hard situation all around. I understand your dilemma. But you know, no matter how hard things are for the young mother, she just may not be willing to give up the baby, even temporarily. But you can't help her if you don't ask.

 

:grouphug: to you. That must be a very hard situation for you to navigate.

Actually, this is more likely to cause her to NOT have to give up her baby. If she has no way to feed and clothe the baby someone will have to and the authorities may very well take the baby from her if the baby is not fed and clothed.

[EthiopianFood]

I'm too lazy to quote, but even if she didn't want anyone to see the apartment, she still could have brought the baby with her.

 

Have you asked directly to see the baby? Have you asked to speak with the daughter? What does she say?

[Sonshine]

I would insist on seeing the baby and mother together in person before giving any more help of any type. A picture means nothing, and you haven't even seen that. It is not unreasonable to ask to see your grandchild, and certainly not unreasonable for someone giving help to them, even if it is just formula and diapers.Those things can be returned to stores for store credit or sold for money to buy drugs, etc. I'm not saying that's happening, but there is some reason they aren't giving you access to the young lady and her daughter. Something is off. For all you know, the other grandmother isn't even with her daughter and grandchild anymore, and is taking you for a ride herself.

[JeneralMom]

KH, this may be an odd question, but I keep asking myself why your son cannot make phone calls. It was my impression that all inmates have access to make outgoing calls?

 

There are so many red flags in this situation, but I am pulling for you that everything works out in the end.