Please help me (and my daughter)

[Nakia]

This will probably be totally incoherent and nuts sounding, but I need some help. I posted a year ago about my middle dd being very very shy and sensitive. At that time, I had signed the two older girls for swimming lessons, and Emma was very excited, but when we got there she balked. Around the same time, she freaked and wouldn't go to dance class anymore, for no obvious reason. So we decided to give her time and let her grow up a bit more and just be patient with her.

 

Fast forward to last fall. She wanted to take ballet, so I signed her up for a class. She did great up until mid-November. A substitute teacher came one week, and that was it. She started crying hysterically and didn't want to go back. So I let her take off for the month of December. Tonight we were eating dinner before going to class and she started complaining of her stomach hurting. She knew it was dance night. She wouldn't eat any dinner. We got to class and she started crying really hard. I went into class with her, and she went to the barre, but just stood and cried. Next thing, she walks over to me and says her stomach hurts and she needs to go potty. While she was in the bathroom, she started screaming. I went in, and she had had diarrhea. She was so upset and kept saying she just wanted to go home. So we did.

 

She is soooooooooo shy!! At church, she sits on the side and watches without participating at all. At the eye doctor last summer, she cried and wouldn't let the doctor look at her eyes or even talk to her. She is very quiet for the most part. But around people she knows well, such as grandparents and our best friends, she does fine. She is so caring and kind. She complains of her stomach hurting often. I don't know if it is something physical or psychological, but I will probably call our ped tomorrow to set up a time to rule out anything physical.

 

I need some insight. Part of me feels so bad for her and, to be honest, another part of me is beyond annoyed. I don't want her to miss out on things in life because she is so shy. I want to help her overcome this. Does she need therapy? time? both?

 

Thank you in advance for your help!!

 

ETA: Emma will be 7 in March. Also she is the one whose cat disappeared right before Christmas, but this has been going on for a lot longer than that. And it has also been going on for longer than my marriage problems. We are really good about keeping that away from the kids, though I know they are very insightful.

Edited January 15, 2010 by Nakia

[elizabeth]

Anxiety likely more a factor than "shy" exacerbated by the sense that something is not quite as it was . She sounds like a perceptive, sensitive young lady that needs to learn how to process uncomfortable or sad feelings. Anxiety this profound deserves a second look by a trusted professional who can teach some wonderful coping techniques and breathing to reduce the build up that leads to tears. And sometimes a girl just has to cry, heaven forbid I raise a child with such thick skin that she is not outraged at cruelty or sadness. It is good to have a noble heart but learning how to deal with life's ups and downs can be dicey for those with a sensitive spirit.

[Nakia]

Anxiety likely more a factor than "shy" exacerbated by the sense that something is not quite as it was . She sounds like a perceptive, sensitive young lady that needs to learn how to process uncomfortable or sad feelings. Anxiety this profound deserves a second look by a trusted professional who can teach some wonderful coping techniques and breathing to reduce the build up that leads to tears. And sometimes a girl just has to cry, heaven forbid I raise a child with such thick skin that she is not outraged at cruelty or sadness. It is good to have a noble heart but learning how to deal with life's ups and downs can be dicey for those with a sensitive spirit.

 

Yeah, I think this goes beyond normal "shy" feelings. She is obviously very anxious. We definitely have no problem with showing emotions, crying, etc. I am very tender and sensitive too, and I am a crier. :)

 

I will call the ped tomorrow. Any hints on what I can do for her in the meantime to help her?

[FlockOfSillies]

No advice, but the stomachaches and diarrhea are definitely anxiety-related. When I was growing up, whenever I was anticipating a competition or something I was looking forward to, the nervousness went straight to my digestive system. It still happens, but not as often as it used to.

[newlifemom]

Yeah, I think this goes beyond normal "shy" feelings. She is obviously very anxious. We definitely have no problem with showing emotions, crying, etc. I am very tender and sensitive too, and I am a crier. :)

 

I will call the ped tomorrow. Any hints on what I can do for her in the meantime to help her?

 

My dd had stomach issues, though not a shyness issue. We finally took her to a naturepath(sp?) and through a series of ?s. I mean really in depth ?s, we found out a lot of things made her anxious. Things like thinking if we died, she would be responsible to raise her younger siblings. She was nine at the time. :001_huh: Once we were able to address her fears, the stomach aches went away. HTH.

[2squared]

Sadly, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Your daughter sounds exactly like my 5yo ds. I sign him up for activities, and he's very excited about them until we get to the doorway. He was in swimming lessons for two successful weeks until they switched his teacher. No more swimming for us. :glare: Since he will participate in activities with me, I expect that he will mature out of his anxieties. I hope, at least.

[joannqn]

Would you mind if I shared your post with a friend of mine? She was exceptionally shy as a child and might have some good feedback.

[Nakia]

Would you mind if I shared your post with a friend of mine? She was exceptionally shy as a child and might have some good feedback.

 

Please do!! Thank you!

[astrid]

Yeah, I think this goes beyond normal "shy" feelings. She is obviously very anxious. We definitely have no problem with showing emotions, crying, etc. I am very tender and sensitive too, and I am a crier. :)

 

I will call the ped tomorrow. Any hints on what I can do for her in the meantime to help her?

 

Hi Nakia,

Yes, I'd say this is not shy....this is anxiety. It must be hard on everyone, and I will keep you in my thoughts. :grouphug::grouphug: Though very outgoing, my dd is sensitive, perceptive of the feelings of others and easily hurt, so I know how much it hurts the mama to watch your child struggle with this. It's one of the reasons we pulled Molly from public school and started homeschooling her.

 

Poor dear--- as elizabeth said, there are worse things than having a tender and noble hear.

 

Peace,

astrid

[amygabrielle]

Check out The Highly Sensitive Child book. Your daughter sounds like she might be a highly sensitive child. Either way, it's worth the read. :grouphug: My two year old dd is.

[katemary63]

I have a DH and 2 kids with Social Anxiety Disorder. They ALL get stomach cramps and the runs in anticipation of social interactions. The new teacher bothering her is classic. This is so much more then being shy. It is a physiological reaction to social stress. The things going on in the body can be even scarier to the person then the coming event itself. I'd see a Dr.

[OrganicAnn]

It does sound like anxiety rather than shyness.

 

There is a professor that has studied shyness, IU professor Bernardo Carducci. I've heard and read some of his information on shyness and it was interesting. If you want to learn more about shyness you can google him.

[katemary63]

Sadly, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Your daughter sounds exactly like my 5yo ds. I sign him up for activities, and he's very excited about them until we get to the doorway. He was in swimming lessons for two successful weeks until they switched his teacher. No more swimming for us. :glare: Since he will participate in activities with me, I expect that he will mature out of his anxieties. I hope, at least.

 

Anxiety often doesn't just mature out. My Ds and DD are 18 and 22. Thier anxiety has worsened over the last several years. One is on meds for it. DH is 48. Though he has never taken medication for his anxiety, he has also never gotten over it either. He has just learned to live with it. It doesn't go away.

[Nakia]

Anxiety often doesn't just mature out. My Ds and DD are 18 and 22. Thier anxiety has worsened over the last several years. One is on meds for it. DH is 48. Though he has never taken medication for his anxiety, he has also never gotten over it either. He has just learned to live with it. It doesn't go away.

 

Yes, this is what I am fearful of. This has moved beyond normal childhood shyness that we can work with. It is too much for us to deal with alone. Calling the ped tomorrow!

 

We have a strong family history of anxiety/depression.

 

Thanks! Please keep thoughts, prayers, and advice coming!

[Jilly]

My son has selective mutism which is caused by anxiety. He isn’t exactly shy, but he will not talk in most social situations, and he gets stomach aches a lot. Your daughter sounds like she is having anxiety issues too. I would take a few steps back for a while and work on teaching her how to deal with this anxiety (with the help of a professional if you need it) and how to voice her concerns when she is feeling this way. Then I would put her back in class and use several of the techniques that help her, so she is able to control her anxiety better. She really needs you to be there for her and help her deal with this, and she needs to learn ways to control her anxiety. That way it won’t end up controlling her life.

[Mrs Mungo]

I have no advice, but I'm sorry your daughter is going through this and I do know how hard it is to watch your child suffer with something that seems so needless. :grouphug:

[Starr]

I'll keep you all in my prayers. She's still young. I wouldn't make her do anything that is causing high anxiety. She has plenty of time for extras. Maybe do things where you can be in the room with her if that works. Praying that the doctor has some good resources for you.

[kokotg]

My son has selective mutism which is caused by anxiety. He isn’t exactly shy, but he will not talk in most social situations, and he gets stomach aches a lot.

 

I was going to mention selective mutism, too. My son hasn't been diagnosed with it, but I suspect we could get a diagnosis if we sought one out. He doesn't have the stomach aches, but has had, at times, other symptoms of anxiety (pulling his hair out, raging and acting out when he feels insecure, etc). He saw a therapist for awhile last year (when he was 7)...not sure if that's what helped or not, but he's gotten much, much better over the past few months especially. I think 5-6 was the absolute hardest age for him; 8 has been much better. This year is the first year I haven't had to basically shove him through the door of any class he's taken; he goes in to them willingly, talks in class (!), and has a good time. I hear over and over again about kids with anxiety that 5-6 are the hardest ages; I think it's just a time when a lot is going on in a kid's life, lots of big adjustments to make and suddenly more is expected of them socially, and it's really tough.

 

I'll also throw this out there just in case: my son was diagnosed with a pretty severe hearing loss in his right ear when he was 5, and I definitely think having that going on undiagnosed when he was younger contributed big time to the social anxiety stuff. He passed his newborn screen, so we had no idea until a standard hearing screen at his 5 year checkup. Likely your dd had a screen at a check-up sometime recently, too, but just thought I'd mention it in case she hasn't.

[i.love.lucy]

Check out The Highly Sensitive Child book. Your daughter sounds like she might be a highly sensitive child. Either way, it's worth the read.

:iagree:I got this book for my dd. She is now 9.5 and maturing out of some of it, but she is still a very anxious, sensitive, shy person. While this book didn't peg her exactly, it was a good read. It talked a lot about sensitivity to noise and light, new situations, anxiety surrounding anything where she might have to "perform" or prove herself. It made me realize that it's really REAL when she freaks out if one shoe is tighter than the other or if a tag is scratchy to her.

 

If you will pm me your address as soon as I can get my books unpacked in a couple of weeks, I'd be happy to send it to you.:grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Yeah, I think this goes beyond normal "shy" feelings. She is obviously very anxious. We definitely have no problem with showing emotions, crying, etc. I am very tender and sensitive too, and I am a crier. :)

 

I will call the ped tomorrow. Any hints on what I can do for her in the meantime to help her?

I agree with the others. That really is beyond shy. The doctor is a good start. She may need OT or other counseling.

 

Not to scare you or anything, but I could easily see her anxiety leading to panic attacks.

 

I woudn't force her into any situation that makes her uncomfortable.

[ChristusG]

I think we have the same DD. My DD sounds just like yours, minus the stomach issues. She will not talk to a soul, she has no friends. My DD also starts crying at random times during an activity. Like you mentioned, she will do fine for weeks or even a few months, and then something triggers her and she will be upset and doesn't want to participate anymore.

 

I have no advice (sorry!) but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My DD does have speech issues and so I wonder if she's afraid that people will not understand her.

[joannqn]

Here's what my friend shared:

 

 

 

Wow, this is a tough one. I was extremely shy as a child but this sounds even more intense than what I experienced. Looking back at my childhood I can identify some of the things that my Mom did that was right for me. My Mom always totally accepted that this was who I was and that the shyness or fear I was feeling was very real for me. She never told me not to feel that way and she never told me that I shouldn't feel that way. As far as I can remember I never saw her express any anger about my idiosyncrasies. I was able to completely trust my mom and knew that she would never force me to do something that I was afraid to do. That feeling of safety and security was very important to me.

 

Checking out whether there are any physical reasons for her complaints of pain seems like a good idea. You wouldn't want to assume that her fear is the cause of any pain and end up missing and not treating an actual physical ailment. Counseling or work with a child therapist might be helpful too if you can find a good one. It's not always easy to find a good match when hunting for a therapist.

 

You mentioned some marriage problems and although your daughter may be unaware that there are problems between you and your husband she still may be very sensitive to even subtle emotions you might be experiencing. My mom often experienced migraines and severe menstrual cramps while I was growing up. Even though I didn't know that this was going on I remember feeling very tense and nervous during those times.

 

You mentioned that you don't want her to "miss out on things". I'm going to guess that as long as she feels safe and secure in her home and is able to enjoy the company of family members that she trusts then she will have happy memories, and hopefully her most important memory will be of a satisfying, happy relationship with her own Mom. :-)

[lionfamily1999]

Dd had the stress tummy aches for awhile. She was not shy (ran to hop on the bus the first day of school, without a backward glance), but she was very much a worrier. She still worries, but we've worked on considering the situation realistically and for her, much older, that has helped.

 

I wish I knew what to say. Older ds was very much like this, except he could attach himself to other authority figures.

 

Maybe talk, lots and lots of talk, could help? A long conversation about what or why she's worried and whether or not it's likely that what she's worried about will happen. When I was little I could not use a public restroom. I managed to do some damage to my kidneys, because I physically could not use the bathrooms at school. It took having someone talk to me about it and ask if I would be mean to someone using the bathroom (I was embarrassed to have people hear me)... I was told that people are by-in-general very similar and I should not only treat people the way I wanted to be treated, but should expect the same from them. That pov has served me both well and ill, but at least I haven't ruptered a kidney ;)

 

:grouphug:

[Jan in SC]

My son is like this. I would encourage you to find a therapist. Even a couple of visits has made a positive difference in his life. (It did not cure it, though!)

[Nakia]

Here's what my friend shared:

 

 

 

Wow, this is a tough one. I was extremely shy as a child but this sounds even more intense than what I experienced. Looking back at my childhood I can identify some of the things that my Mom did that was right for me. My Mom always totally accepted that this was who I was and that the shyness or fear I was feeling was very real for me. She never told me not to feel that way and she never told me that I shouldn't feel that way. As far as I can remember I never saw her express any anger about my idiosyncrasies. I was able to completely trust my mom and knew that she would never force me to do something that I was afraid to do. That feeling of safety and security was very important to me.

 

Checking out whether there are any physical reasons for her complaints of pain seems like a good idea. You wouldn't want to assume that her fear is the cause of any pain and end up missing and not treating an actual physical ailment. Counseling or work with a child therapist might be helpful too if you can find a good one. It's not always easy to find a good match when hunting for a therapist.

 

You mentioned some marriage problems and although your daughter may be unaware that there are problems between you and your husband she still may be very sensitive to even subtle emotions you might be experiencing. My mom often experienced migraines and severe menstrual cramps while I was growing up. Even though I didn't know that this was going on I remember feeling very tense and nervous during those times.

 

You mentioned that you don't want her to "miss out on things". I'm going to guess that as long as she feels safe and secure in her home and is able to enjoy the company of family members that she trusts then she will have happy memories, and hopefully her most important memory will be of a satisfying, happy relationship with her own Mom. :-)

 

Thank you for sharing with your friend and letting me know her response. Please pass along my thanks to her as well! She has given me a lot to think about.

 

Thank you all so much! I am waiting on a call back from the ped.

[MamaT]

Nakia -

 

My oldest son was this way, minus the stomach issues. Anything new made him very anxious, he couldn't sleep all night when we had something out of the ordinary the next day, and worried about every "what if" you can imagine. He worried we would die, that one of his siblings would be abducted or get lost, etc. It would also show up in nervous tics.

 

When he was around 10yo he made an abrupt change. We have had discussions then and recently about what happened. He told me he got tired of feeling crippled by his anxiety. He was very tired of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He reached way down and found his courage. He put his fears in God's hands. He stopped worrying about things he couldn't do anything about. He was a different child overnight.

 

At 23yo he is still my most sensitive, but in a very sweet way. He has a heart of gold and is getting married in August.

 

All that to say, maybe your dd will get tired of not being able to go to activities, join a group of kids to play with, etc. I'm sure a professional will give you lots of ideas to help her. My heart goes out to you. It is hard to watch your dc with that kind of anxiety.

[Nakia]

An update:

 

It has been a terrible week. It is getting worse and worse. I did speak with the ped's office on Tuesday (when our ped was back in the office) and they are referring Emma to a child psychologist. I am just waiting on the appointment. I am getting so frustrated about it taking so long, so I called the psychologist's office today and left a message for the doctor.

 

Every day the anxiety is worse and worse. On Monday, we were invited to the park with friends, and Emma cried and begged to stay home, even though these are our best friends that she's known forever. Once at the park, she was fine and had a good time. On Tuesday, I had plans to get together with some girls from work. When I was leaving, Emma was hysterical, crying, pleading, begging me to stay home. I went ahead with my plans at my husband's insistence. I almost never get out of the house without kids. She cried and had a stomach ache for about 20 minutes after I left and then was okay. Last night we went to church. All was well until time for her to go to her AWANA class, and she starting having stomach pain and crying again. My husband was with her, but she wanted me. I couldn't be with her because I teach in another class. So she is definitely triggered by new situations and by me not being with her.

 

Oh and today, we were going to run to the library, I was planning to have Anna run in (I can see the desk from the car) and pick up some books, but Emma begged to stay home. She had horrible diarrhea because she was anxious about the library. Needless to say, she is not going to dance tonight.

 

So, as you can see, it is getting worse day by day. I don't know how to help her. I feel so bad for her. I am in tears typing all this out. Please continue to pray for her. And please include the entire family in your thoughts and prayers because it is wearing everyone out.

 

Thank you!

[Sara Mac]

This will probably be totally incoherent and nuts sounding, but I need some help. I posted a year ago about my middle dd being very very shy and sensitive. At that time, I had signed the two older girls for swimming lessons, and Emma was very excited, but when we got there she balked. Around the same time, she freaked and wouldn't go to dance class anymore, for no obvious reason. So we decided to give her time and let her grow up a bit more and just be patient with her.

 

Fast forward to last fall. She wanted to take ballet, so I signed her up for a class. She did great up until mid-November. A substitute teacher came one week, and that was it. She started crying hysterically and didn't want to go back. So I let her take off for the month of December. Tonight we were eating dinner before going to class and she started complaining of her stomach hurting. She knew it was dance night. She wouldn't eat any dinner. We got to class and she started crying really hard. I went into class with her, and she went to the barre, but just stood and cried. Next thing, she walks over to me and says her stomach hurts and she needs to go potty. While she was in the bathroom, she started screaming. I went in, and she had had diarrhea. She was so upset and kept saying she just wanted to go home. So we did.

 

She is soooooooooo shy!! At church, she sits on the side and watches without participating at all. At the eye doctor last summer, she cried and wouldn't let the doctor look at her eyes or even talk to her. She is very quiet for the most part. But around people she knows well, such as grandparents and our best friends, she does fine. She is so caring and kind. She complains of her stomach hurting often. I don't know if it is something physical or psychological, but I will probably call our ped tomorrow to set up a time to rule out anything physical.

 

I need some insight. Part of me feels so bad for her and, to be honest, another part of me is beyond annoyed. I don't want her to miss out on things in life because she is so shy. I want to help her overcome this. Does she need therapy? time? both?

 

Thank you in advance for your help!!

 

ETA: Emma will be 7 in March. Also she is the one whose cat disappeared right before Christmas, but this has been going on for a lot longer than that. And it has also been going on for longer than my marriage problems. We are really good about keeping that away from the kids, though I know they are very insightful.

 

You've got my daughter! Seriously, my middle child turns 7 next week and suffers the exact same anxiety that your daughter does. It was so bad, that when she was younger and she felt panicked, she couldn't even tell me what her name was. She'd totally shut down. She's improved massively over the last few years but she still can't be enrolled in most classes because she just can't take it :(

 

I haven't read the advice here yet, but I'm definitely going to. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone :001_smile:

[Sara Mac]

An update:

 

It has been a terrible week. It is getting worse and worse. I did speak with the ped's office on Tuesday (when our ped was back in the office) and they are referring Emma to a child psychologist. I am just waiting on the appointment. I am getting so frustrated about it taking so long, so I called the psychologist's office today and left a message for the doctor.

 

Every day the anxiety is worse and worse. On Monday, we were invited to the park with friends, and Emma cried and begged to stay home, even though these are our best friends that she's known forever. Once at the park, she was fine and had a good time. On Tuesday, I had plans to get together with some girls from work. When I was leaving, Emma was hysterical, crying, pleading, begging me to stay home. I went ahead with my plans at my husband's insistence. I almost never get out of the house without kids. She cried and had a stomach ache for about 20 minutes after I left and then was okay. Last night we went to church. All was well until time for her to go to her AWANA class, and she starting having stomach pain and crying again. My husband was with her, but she wanted me. I couldn't be with her because I teach in another class. So she is definitely triggered by new situations and by me not being with her.

 

Oh and today, we were going to run to the library, I was planning to have Anna run in (I can see the desk from the car) and pick up some books, but Emma begged to stay home. She had horrible diarrhea because she was anxious about the library. Needless to say, she is not going to dance tonight.

 

So, as you can see, it is getting worse day by day. I don't know how to help her. I feel so bad for her. I am in tears typing all this out. Please continue to pray for her. And please include the entire family in your thoughts and prayers because it is wearing everyone out.

 

Thank you!

 

:grouphug: Poor little girl :( I hope the doc can see her soon and get to the bottom of whatever is triggering such a strong anxiety response.

[EthiopianFood]

An update:

 

It has been a terrible week. It is getting worse and worse. I did speak with the ped's office on Tuesday (when our ped was back in the office) and they are referring Emma to a child psychologist. I am just waiting on the appointment. I am getting so frustrated about it taking so long, so I called the psychologist's office today and left a message for the doctor.

 

Every day the anxiety is worse and worse. On Monday, we were invited to the park with friends, and Emma cried and begged to stay home, even though these are our best friends that she's known forever. Once at the park, she was fine and had a good time. On Tuesday, I had plans to get together with some girls from work. When I was leaving, Emma was hysterical, crying, pleading, begging me to stay home. I went ahead with my plans at my husband's insistence. I almost never get out of the house without kids. She cried and had a stomach ache for about 20 minutes after I left and then was okay. Last night we went to church. All was well until time for her to go to her AWANA class, and she starting having stomach pain and crying again. My husband was with her, but she wanted me. I couldn't be with her because I teach in another class. So she is definitely triggered by new situations and by me not being with her.

 

Oh and today, we were going to run to the library, I was planning to have Anna run in (I can see the desk from the car) and pick up some books, but Emma begged to stay home. She had horrible diarrhea because she was anxious about the library. Needless to say, she is not going to dance tonight.

 

So, as you can see, it is getting worse day by day. I don't know how to help her. I feel so bad for her. I am in tears typing all this out. Please continue to pray for her. And please include the entire family in your thoughts and prayers because it is wearing everyone out.

 

Thank you!

 

You DO know how to help her. You ARE helping her. You are getting her help!! You are doing the right thing! I have struggled with social anxiety my whole life, although not to this extent, poor sweet thing. :( I didn't have a good home life, and at one point I too had stomach aches. They put me on medication for a physical problem, rather than addressing the reasons for the stomach aches in the first place. :glare: You are helping your daughter by getting her professional help, rather than being in denial. There is nothing better that you can do at this time. Get in to the doctor as soon as possible, and in the meantime, give yourself permission not to try and fix or help her. Just love her and let it go. This will help her more than anything else right now. :grouphug:

[Sharpie]

Praying for you!

 

I sent you a pm.:grouphug:

[Lovin Learnin]

Just wanted to say that I WAS your daughter as a child. It was so bad that I remember crying every time my father spoke to me, but he was the chief disciplinarian of the house so I think I was afraid that he was going to fuss at me. I vividly remember hiding behind my mother whenever we were with anyone who was not an immediate family member. And that happened a lot because she was (is) a VERY social person who frequently had us in unfamiliar situations. As I grew older I learned how to make it through the day without breaking down and crying and such, but I carried then and still carry a lot of internal anxiety.

 

I now know that I suffer from sensory processing disorder. Venturing out into the world can be quite scary when you can’t easily and quickly make sense of the smells, sights, sounds and general hustle and bustle of the world. Maybe your daughter’s dance teacher is a hugger. That would have driven me batty. Or maybe there are just too many kids in the class, each bouncing and running and jumping in a multitude of directions, preventing your daughter from relaxing even for a second.

 

And for what it’s worth, I absolutely hated dancing. My mother was an accomplished dancer and she so wanted me to follow in her footsteps, but the stress of lessons proved far too much for me and she allowed me to quit after only one year (can you feel the guilt?).

 

Hugs to you and your daughter. It will get better. She will begin to develop some sort of coping skills even without therapy, but I agree that therapy would be of great benefit.

[Nakia]

You DO know how to help her. You ARE helping her. You are getting her help!! You are doing the right thing! I have struggled with social anxiety my whole life, although not to this extent, poor sweet thing. :( I didn't have a good home life, and at one point I too had stomach aches. They put me on medication for a physical problem, rather than addressing the reasons for the stomach aches in the first place. :glare: You are helping your daughter by getting her professional help, rather than being in denial. There is nothing better that you can do at this time. Get in to the doctor as soon as possible, and in the meantime, give yourself permission not to try and fix or help her. Just love her and let it go. This will help her more than anything else right now. :grouphug:

 

Wow. You don't know what that means to me. I have people from the outside telling me what I need to do constantly. My mom is convinced Emma has some terrible stomach disease that is causing the trouble. A lady at church last night said it is probably because I homeschool and Emma isn't used to being around other kids. Like I just brought her out of the house for the first time that night or something. ARGH!!

 

Anyway, thank you so much. I needed someone to tell me I was doing a good job. It hurts so bad to see your baby hurting and to feel helpless.

[Nakia]

Just wanted to say that I WAS your daughter as a child. It was so bad that I remember crying every time my father spoke to me, but he was the chief disciplinarian of the house so I think I was afraid that he was going to fuss at me. I vividly remember hiding behind my mother whenever we were with anyone who was not an immediate family member. And that happened a lot because she was (is) a VERY social person who frequently had us in unfamiliar situations. As I grew older I learned how to make it through the day without breaking down and crying and such, but I carried then and still carry a lot of internal anxiety.

 

I now know that I suffer from sensory processing disorder. Venturing out into the world can be quite scary when you can’t easily and quickly make sense of the smells, sights, sounds and general hustle and bustle of the world. Maybe your daughter’s dance teacher is a hugger. That would have driven me batty. Or maybe there are just too many kids in the class, each bouncing and running and jumping in a multitude of directions, preventing your daughter from relaxing even for a second.

 

And for what it’s worth, I absolutely hated dancing. My mother was an accomplished dancer and she so wanted me to follow in her footsteps, but the stress of lessons proved far too much for me and she allowed me to quit after only one year (can you feel the guilt?).

 

Hugs to you and your daughter. It will get better. She will begin to develop some sort of coping skills even without therapy, but I agree that therapy would be of great benefit.

 

Thanks for sharing. Emma is definitely the most perceptive of my children with regards to senses. We often say she has the nose of a bloodhound.

 

As far as dance, I think you are right about the other kids being excited and jumping around. It is a big class. Emma loves to dance, and she was having a great time until the teacher changed in November. This teacher is sweet, but more strict than the last teacher. Also at the last class, Emma was at the barre, and the teacher said "good job" to her, and that's when she lost it. I think any kind of public recognition throws her for a loop. And from what I've read, that is classic for Social Anxiety Disorder.

[Lovin Learnin]

Emma loves to dance, and she was having a great time until the teacher changed in November. This teacher is sweet, but more strict than the last teacher. Also at the last class, Emma was at the barre, and the teacher said "good job" to her, and that's when she lost it. I think any kind of public recognition throws her for a loop. And from what I've read, that is classic for Social Anxiety Disorder.

 

I feel her pain. The unpredictability of a new teacher (especially a strict one) can be quite unnerving. And I always wanted to melt into a wall and become invisible in social situations so please don't point me out to the crowd! Hmm....maybe I need to research SAD.

[Lovin Learnin]

A lady at church last night said it is probably because I homeschool and Emma isn't used to being around other kids. Like I just brought her out of the house for the first time that night or something. ARGH!!

 

I also meant to say that your homeschooling is probably the BEST thing for her right now. She will learn coping mechanisms as she matures but the stress of being at school is NOT worth the anxiety this little one would have to suffer. It's one of the greatest supports she could get, imo.

[EthiopianFood]

I also meant to say that your homeschooling is probably the BEST thing for her right now. She will learn coping mechanisms as she matures but the stress of being at school is NOT worth the anxiety this little one would have to suffer. It's one of the greatest supports she could get, imo.

 

Oh gosh, SO true! Excellent point.

 

ETA: I'm not the type to coddle children, or to make excuses for inappropriate behavior that really just needs to be pushed through. You need a good, sturdy foundation as a child to be able to go out in the world comfortably.