Joanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 If I've known you for years, and you are interested in "more", PM me. I want to be vague here. I dropped off the notebooks at my attorney and the guardian ad litem. My attorney feels that the gal sees this as being "the final nail in his coffin as far as this case goes" (her words). I had prepared that notebook for him, he had it on his desk but did not reference it. I know for a fact that he got at least 6 letters from Pastors, friends, etc. He spent the first part of the sesson (which ended up being 2 HOURS and 20 minutes!) talking about the family appointment coming up later this month and how he approaches the time with the kids. He also shared that he can never be an individual therapist to any of the people involved, that the content of the conversations is not confidential since we are there for court reasons, etc. He had already met with my ex for at least one individual. The Office Manager had me sign more release forms - but one of them was actually from a Dr. (of what I don't know) in the area of town that xh and his wife life. The Office Manager said "Oh! I got a letter from him saying he had seen Mr._________, the kids and wife......I assumed it was you." So, apparently xh and his wife have taken the kids somewhere? He opened up the personal part with saying something like "I know you want to talk about the kids, and we'll get there, but I'd like to put that in context of your relationship. Start with how you met and got into relationship with xh."(he didn't really say xh :lol:;)) The next 2 hours was a me giving the history of that relationship. He was (appropriately for the setting) without editorial or evaluative comment. Some nuances, some moments I was aware of, however: 1) He "got" when I used the word normalized and the frog in boiling water analogy about abuse. He had asked if there were problems before marriage an I described (in vivid, accurate detail 18 years later) the first episode of rage. Something in him clicked. 2) He was very "into" the fact that xh had asked for ONLY Andrew for that month a summer or two ago. Asked about how the other kids felt, if xh had also asked for the other kids. I explained at the time it didn't register as *that* odd until other people including my therapist asked about it. We then discussed the subtle favoritism that is present. 3) The fact that xh allowed the health insurance to lapse registered with him as a big deal. 4) Not suitable for public viewing 5) Not suitable for public viewing 6) Not suitable for public viewing 7) The fact that xh has chosen to live further and further away registered. All in all, it was incredibly draining but not negative or hostile. I'm going to be bold and say that I think he's leaning in our favor. I have 2 more individuals with him and one family! My DH went for his testing today. He says it will come back as he is "an adventurous boy scout with a high interest in sex, a like of poetry and love movies who thinks he has some control but doesn't.":auto::001_huh::lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kiddies Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :grouphug:I hope it all goes in your favor. You could really use some good news these days.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Holding the thought for you, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I will keep you and yours in my prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Wishing you all the best with this, Joanne! :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Praying all goes in your favor.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hey Joanne, thanks for letting us know. We don't really expect all the details, y'know, we just want to know that you made it through and that you're feeling encouraged by how it went. Sounds good! And your dh sounds like a guy with a real sense of humor - what a blessing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Praying for you --:grouphug::grouphug: Mariann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Joanne, I sure do hope you get good news SOON!!! How is your husband doing? Is his leg healing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :grouphug: How exhausting! I'm still praying for you. Thanks for letting us know how you're holding up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thinking of you, Joanne...:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thank you for the update. I've been wondering about it all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks Joanne! It sounds promising. You are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Joanne - just remember that no one ever comes out of this with a "normal" report. As a divorce attorney I sent tons of clients and their spouses through this process. I have NEVER seen a report that said - "no issues, this person is 100% totally normal." Actually, I don't think there is such a thing! We all have our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Those may be pointed out to you in the report in a way you haven't seen it before. I know I wouldn't ever want to have a psych eval done on me! The bottom line is we all have our issues but the court wants to see whose issues actually will negatively impact the children and whose issues can be overcome or are harmless or don't impact the chidren at all. Good luck! Maybe you are the first 100% normal person out there!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :grouphug: You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are amazing woman. Hang tough, honey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Joanne - just remember that no one ever comes out of this with a "normal" report. As a divorce attorney I sent tons of clients and their spouses through this process. I have NEVER seen a report that said - "no issues, this person is 100% totally normal." Actually, I don't think there is such a thing! We all have our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Those may be pointed out to you in the report in a way you haven't seen it before. I know I wouldn't ever want to have a psych eval done on me! The bottom line is we all have our issues but the court wants to see whose issues actually will negatively impact the children and whose issues can be overcome or are harmless or don't impact the chidren at all. Good luck! Maybe you are the first 100% normal person out there!:grouphug: I understand. Part of my notebook is titled "My average, wonderful, flawed family".:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hoping and praying that it's all over soon and that you and your family can move forward into a place of peace and well-being. It's definitely "your turn" for some good stuff! I love your DH's description of "himself on paper.":D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Why are they making you guys go through *so much stuff*? I've seen bits of your posts on this and it's puzzled me. Isn't the 'child' involved in the custody dispute in his teens? Pretty much every custody issue that I've seen with teenagers was resolved quickly by asking the teenager for her/his preference ~ I'm not saying that's the answer for your situation, I'm just saying that custody fights over teenagers seem to get solved quick because it's pretty hard to force a teenager to live where he/she doesn't want to live. [maybe he's not in his teens and I got that mixed up?] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Praying for you, Joanne. I am so happy it went better than you expected. It sounds very tough.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 :grouphug: Sounds like a good start. I pray this will be put behind you soon. I pray the truth will be known and responded to appropriately. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Glad to hear it went 'well'. Still sorry you have to go through it. I have to say, though, that I'm glad they didn't just move your DS. In CA at that age, it might very well have gone that way if he said he wanted to move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Sounds good! And your dh sounds like a guy with a real sense of humor - what a blessing! :iagree: He sounds like a gem. :grouphug: and prayers for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Isn't the 'child' involved in the custody dispute in his teens? Pretty much every custody issue that I've seen with teenagers was resolved quickly by asking the teenager for her/his preference ~ I used to work for an attorney and one of our worst custody cases involved teens that wanted to live with one parent but were sent to live with the other because the first parent didn't take the courts seriously. So not always are teen cases easy. And this has been going on with Joanne and her X for a long time. I mainly lurk on her posts but my prayers have been with her for years and I wish her the best.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Why are they making you guys go through *so much stuff*? I've seen bits of your posts on this and it's puzzled me. Isn't the 'child' involved in the custody dispute in his teens? Pretty much every custody issue that I've seen with teenagers was resolved quickly by asking the teenager for her/his preference ~ I'm not saying that's the answer for your situation, I'm just saying that custody fights over teenagers seem to get solved quick because it's pretty hard to force a teenager to live where he/she doesn't want to live. [maybe he's not in his teens and I got that mixed up?] "They" aren't making us go through so much stuff. My xh is. The orginial affidavit of choice signed by my son and given to the court is 2 years old. My son was 13 at the time; the legal age for petitioning the court. Because of his age, his preference is given a lot of weight, but is not determining. I fought it because it was the right thing to do in this regard. Splitting siblings is not advisable and my children having Dad on a daily basis is not the right thing, either. Indeed, I believe wholeheartedly that the best thing for my kids would be for me to have FULL custody, but it wouldn't be best for me to fight for that. Interestingly, since this case has been filed, the Texas courts have dropped the affidavit of choice because of the position it puts kids in; to legally sign their name in what amounts to choosing between parents. The Judge in this case has had health issues, the other side has asked for 2?3? continuances. The other side didn't like what the Guardian ad litem said (the GAL is automatically assigned by this judge in any custody issue). The GAL's evaluation was that the child is "just fine" where he is and that "it's not in his best interest" to live with his Dad. The other side then wanted a psychological evaluation, hoping for a favorable to them decision. This was not ordered by the court at all but emerged from the agenda on my xh's side. The court said if they wanted it, they had to pay for it (thousands of $, and agreed to while xh was unemployed and paying only $400 a month child support for 3 kids) and the GAL is to choose the Dr. of Psychology to do it. We were last in court in Sept and the next date is June. You are correct. My son will be 15 by then. The case was not my choice; the delay was not my choice, the continued lack of adequate child support (which is late and behind again) is not my choice, the thousands of dollars spent on this to the detriment of the kids is not my choice. But, most of all, don't assume that a child stating a preference = the way it should be or that all this stuff is because it's been determined as needed by the courts. This has been absolutely, totally and 100% driven by the psychological needs of the children's father. The one who used to stand in the doorways of my home, blocking me from exiting with the kids as he spewed obsenities and insults saying "If you ever leave me, I will destroy you and take the kids". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 The one who used to stand in the doorways of my home, blocking me from exiting with the kids as he spewed obsenities and insults saying "If you ever leave me, I will destroy you and take the kids". Which, ironically, he has been doing a d@mn fine job of - financially at least. B@stard. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 "But, most of all, don't assume that a child stating a preference = the way it should be or that all this stuff is because it's been determined as needed by the courts. This has been absolutely, totally and 100% driven by the psychological needs of the children's father. The one who used to stand in the doorways of my home, blocking me from exiting with the kids as he spewed obsenities and insults saying "If you ever leave me, I will destroy you and take the kids". Nobody assumed this. It's just that several of us have heard of instances where the courts consider that 'preference' to be the normative, or even almost the only, thing to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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