Perspective needed: rough-housing

[Ginevra]

I'm a dainty girl and it really gets on my nerves. :glare: It's pretty much an after-dinner custom. Dh leads the pack and the boys (and usually the girl, too) get all wilded up. I'm squirrelled away in my room right now because I get so tired of it. It's so loud and out of control. It usually ends when someone gets hurt.

 

Tell me I'm just a silly woman and squirrelling away in the bedroom is perfectly fine.

[momtoboys]

Happens all the time here. I think it's fairly normal, particularly w/ boys (and men!) :001_smile:

[elegantlion]

Happens all the time here. I think it's fairly normal, particularly w/ boys (and men!) :001_smile:

 

:iagree: and yes it usually ends with someone getting hurt. But they haven't stopped yet.

[JoyfulMama]

Hide away every night if it makes you feel better! Your kids and your husband have a great thing going on - let them continue. I know you said it keeps going until someone gets hurt, but you didn't say that they don't want to participate the next night. My husband loves to rough-house with the kids, too. They rough-house with their uncles, too. I remember fondly rough-housing with my dad.

[dangermom]

Think of it as your opportunity for quiet time!

 

Here's what I'd ask--are the kids able to calm down and get to bed at a good time, or does this set them up to stay up late and get cranky? If it ends "when someone gets hurt," is it usually something minor that's over fast, or is it turning into major drama every evening?

 

If the answer is "they calm down and go to bed on time, and the hurts are minor and quickly forgotten," then I'd use the time to go in my room and enjoy a book and some chocolate. :D

[BakersDozen]

This is a pre-bedtime occurrence in our home that used to annoy me but now I love even though I am in my bedroom hiding. ;) It's not just my dh and boys but even the girls and baby get involved. All I asked was that dh didn't hurt anyone.

[Ginevra]

If the answer is "they calm down and go to bed on time, and the hurts are minor and quickly forgotten," then I'd use the time to go in my room and enjoy a book and some chocolate. :D

 

Yeah, that. It doesn't add up to any major problem, it's just irritating to listen to for me. And I wish I did have some chocolate in here, but I'm doing good on my weight-loss program and have no chocolate stash! :D

[Brooketopia]

Ugh, it happens here too. It usually ends with dh getting hurt--who knew little girls could be so rough? :001_huh:

 

I figure it's a bonding experience and I remember rough-housing with my dad, so I guess it's just a kid thing. I should go hide in my room...but they have a habit of opening the door and coming and jumping on my bed (which is now held up by #10 cans after the frame mysteriously broke...mystery, my foot).

 

I'll think of all you other mamas shutting out the noise as well the next time I retreat!

[Guest janainaz]

:DI LOVE to squirrel away - let dh have at it! I've been with my kids all day and if he wants to get wild and have some Dad-time, I'm all for it! The getting hurt part............ well, it just happens. They live!

[2squared]

Happens all the time here. I think it's fairly normal, particularly w/ boys (and men!) :001_smile:

 

:iagree: My brother and dad did their thing until my brother was at least 25.

 

I rough house with our kids. It's how my boys bond best. My 5yo is tough enough that I can just barely handle the two of them, though. My roughhousing days are numbered with him.

[mhaddon]

Yep and usually the baby girl is the one that hurts everyone. Pillow fights seem to be the choice of battle most of the time

[Danestress]

Then I do what you do - squirrel up.

 

My official position is that rough housing belongs outside. However, if DH is involved, I just let that happen. But I also definitely would let him deal with the consequences when someone is upset or hurt.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I hear you. I would be annoyed. I am OK with roughhousing as long as

 

1. I don't have to hear it.

2. I don't have to participate in it.

3. No one gets hurt.

 

If it is so rough that someone regularly gets hurt, then I would say that the "adult in charge" is not monitoring the situation very well. When I hear an "OW", I usually say "Who said OW? There shouldn't be any OWs. I know we live close to the hospital, but it is not on my agenda today!" Then my kids know that the hammer is coming down and they stop. Dh is not a big roughhouser, so it is usually kid-instigated and relatively tame compared to the "roughhousing" (read bullying) that I grew up with.

[8circles]

I struggle with this, too. As much as I hate it, I think it's unavoidable & normal.... & I've come to see that it's healthy.

[Joanne]

It happens here. I hate it. Really. It makes me (from a family of girls, and the other two more than a decade older) cringe, it makes me edgy, it makes me anxious.

 

I generlaly disallow it unless DH is involved. It never seems to end well between peers or siblings.

[MamaT]

With four boys, I learned to tune it out. When they were all here over the holidays it did get somewhat annoying, but mostly because most of them are the size of grown men now and I was afraid they were going to break something.

[Ellie]

I don't have sons, but I do have brothers and boy cousins who were as close as brothers, and I can tell you there was NEVER any rough-housing in the evening like that. Ever. And there wasn't any in Mr. Ellie's home, either.

 

Just because it's "normal" doesn't mean it's acceptable.

 

OTOH, I don't know if you'll be able to change your dh's mind.:glare:

[Kirch]

Dh does with our boys, but he's really good at not letting it go too far, and it's usually them on him, not on each other. Lots of giggles and squeals. I usually sit on the couch and enjoy watching them. :001_smile: I get the impression that it's probably less intense than what some of you are talking about, though.

[Dawn in OH]

It's a kid and Dad thing. I'm fine with it as long as I don't have to participate and they don't break anything of mine. It's usually loud so I go away.

 

Enjoy the time away hiding in your bedroom.

[melissel]

Think of it as your opportunity for quiet time!

 

Here's what I'd ask--are the kids able to calm down and get to bed at a good time, or does this set them up to stay up late and get cranky? If it ends "when someone gets hurt," is it usually something minor that's over fast, or is it turning into major drama every evening?

 

If the answer is "they calm down and go to bed on time, and the hurts are minor and quickly forgotten," then I'd use the time to go in my room and enjoy a book and some chocolate. :D

 

This is exactly what I was going to say. My two girls do this on their own at night :lol: I find it absolutely hilarious--they're like tumbling puppies! Although I do spend most of the time saying, "Be careful!!! Watch her head!!! If everyone is not having fun, you must STOP!!! If your sister says no, then you may NOT bowl her across the dining room!!"

[melissel]

Yeah, that. It doesn't add up to any major problem, it's just irritating to listen to for me. And I wish I did have some chocolate in here, but I'm doing good on my weight-loss program and have no chocolate stash! :D

 

This sounds like audiobook time! :D

[Miss Peregrine]

:DI LOVE to squirrel away - let dh have at it! I've been with my kids all day and if he wants to get wild and have some Dad-time, I'm all for it! The getting hurt part............ well, it just happens. They live!

 

:iagree:

 

It used to annoy me but then I realized that DH is present with them. Not in front of the tv or the computer. I usually just slink away for a few minutes but sometimes Dh will pick ME up and throw me on the bed. The kids attack me and IT'S ON!

[Laurie4b]

I'm a dainty girl and it really gets on my nerves. :glare: It's pretty much an after-dinner custom. Dh leads the pack and the boys (and usually the girl, too) get all wilded up. I'm squirrelled away in my room right now because I get so tired of it. It's so loud and out of control. It usually ends when someone gets hurt.

 

Tell me I'm just a silly woman and squirrelling away in the bedroom is perfectly fine.

 

I think it is really important to male bonding. Dh doesn't do it much anymore, but our boys do it regularly. It does usually end with someone getting hurt. I think there are some girls who enjoy it too, but I think it's more "core" for males as a bonding thing.

[presley]

Happens at our house too with Dh and daughter. I find it mildly annoying, especially when it gets her all amped before bed (which doesn't take much) but I would be wasting my breath to discourage it. It's one of their favorite things to do together and I know she will have happy memories of it. There are worse things ;)

[msjones]

It never ends here until someone is hurt. But they don't seem to mind.

 

I am continually amazed by it... I can't remember ever wanting to grab one of my friends, thrown her to the ground, and wrestle.

 

I try to get as far away from it as I can and let them have their manly 'fun.'

[Nestof3]

I think it's normal too, but Ben almost always gets hurt (or John if one of the boys ends up hitting him in a particular place), so I cringe when they do it. Ben gets wildly upset if John is "winning," but as soon as John says, "that's enough," Ben starts asking for more.

 

Then, he gets hurt OR the boys cannot calm down again, so they're wired and hyper. Then, John gets upset because he expects the boys to just switch it off -- as if, because he says, "that's enough," they're going to be able to switch gears as quickly as he does.

 

So, all in all, I think it is great bonding time -- or at least there is potential for it to be -- but I think some wisdom needs to be used on the part of my husband.

 

Oh, and yes, it usually happens right before bed. Then, John can retire to his recliner while I am trying to get them calm enough to get ready for bed. (ugh)

 

I must add that Ben is very accident-prone. Seriously, he hurts himself at least three times a day -- biting his cheek, bumping his head, stubbing his toe, etc. Only I can comfort him. Have I mentioned lately how difficult he is?

Edited January 8, 2010 by nestof3

[Nestof3]

I generlaly disallow it unless DH is involved. It never seems to end well between peers or siblings.

 

:iagree:

[Peek a Boo]

I don't mind my brood rough-housing [15 yos, 12yos, 8yos, 5yod, 3yos] but i do stick around and referee a bit, even if dh is involved [so I can remove younger kids and they carry on].

 

My rules:

 

1. clear the darn floor! easy motivator for clean up :D

 

2. No rough-housing if you are babysitting (cuz mom and dad are out on a date nite). PERIOD! sit on your tush and give no reason to interrupt. be bored for a couple hours if you have to. play cards. watch a movie. whatever.

 

3. NO WHINING! If you are rough-housing, expect to get hurt. They are not "accidents" in racecar crashes, they are expected incidents. I don't mind taking you to the hospital :auto: if you break an arm, but you will NOT whine about it. It is always your fault. Crying from pain is certainly allowed, but we know the difference between pain cries and WHINING.

 

4. Make every attempt to NOT [seriously] hurt the other person. Serious injuries will see an immediate halt brought to the practice till Mom is done stewing. Good luck figuring out how long THAT will last.:glare:

 

5. Ya better be extra gentle rough-housing w/ younger siblings. I expect more responsibility and restraint from the older sibling.

 

6. If Mom says STOP, :bigear:you better look like y'all are just watching a movie in about 2 seconds flat. [and yeah, i actually drill this, lol. just to keep them on their toes....]

 

i think that's about it.... the whip comes in handy for this area too. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

 

Oh, and yes, it usually happens right before bed. Then, John can retire to his recliner while I am trying to get them calm enough to get ready for bed. (ugh)

 

 

 

Oh, see, part of my rules are that the person who does the roughhousing is the one who gets them ready for bed. Logical consequences and all:). One of my brothers did this to me - riled up the kids and then wanted to sit and do nothing. I told him he would not be welcome back if he did not "clean up his mess."

[Ginevra]

Then, John gets upset because he expects the boys to just switch it off -- as if, because he says, "that's enough," they're going to be able to switch gears as quickly as he does.

 

 

I get this. A version of this happens here now and then, also. I wouldn't say dh gets upset about it, but he does seem to think that when he's finished and now he wants to watch the news and it's time for the older two to get their kitchen chores done, that they should suddenly "snap off" and act like studious little maids! :D (That was a terrible sentence, but...) I have pointed it out to him before, "Well, honey, yes they are still goofing off and dragging out their chores...you wound them all up!" :glare:

 

3. NO WHINING! If you are rough-housing, expect to get hurt. They are not "accidents" in racecar crashes, they are expected incidents. I don't mind taking you to the hospital :auto: if you break an arm, but you will NOT whine about it. It is always your fault. Crying from pain is certainly allowed, but we know the difference between pain cries and WHINING.

 

 

:lol: That CRACKED me up!

 

My dh has a warped sense of funny anyway. He is a private pilot, races motocross and was a wrestler. So, if there isn't a potential concusion involved, he doesn't seem to think it's fun. How he ever picked a nerd like me is highly interesting.

[Ginevra]

Oh, and I wanted to clarify "someone getting hurt". For us, that typically means someone's hand got mashed, or everyone dogpiled the littlest who felt crushed, a head was bumped, a finger was bent back, things of that nature. There hasn't ever been blood, stitches or ER trips involved.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Happens here with dh and kids and it drives me batty! Someone always gets hurts, the screaming is TOO much for me, and then they won't settle down for bed.

 

It may be normal but I don't like it :tongue_smilie:

[Peek a Boo]

Oh, and I wanted to clarify "someone getting hurt". For us, that typically means someone's hand got mashed, or everyone dogpiled the littlest who felt crushed, a head was bumped, a finger was bent back, things of that nature. There hasn't ever been blood, stitches or ER trips involved.

 

ditto.

 

((yet....))

 

:D