How would you handle this?

[RhondaM.]

My dd is almost 9. Because I cannot get her to go to bed and stay in bed at night she has been recently told that when I tell her to go to SLEEP that she is to stay in bed, no getting up to play or read, and that she is to stay in bed until 6 am or be in trouble.

 

So...the night before last I sent everyone to bed about 9pm. I went to bed. I woke at 11:30 and checked on the kids. My dd was on the computer in her older brother's room. I sent her to bed. I woke up at almost 4 am and she was on the computer again! I sent her to bed.

 

So I got her up at about 9 yesterday morning. I did not allow her to amuse herself all day. No games, no computer, no reading (except assigned reading), no playing, NOTHING! I made her sit all day either at the table to get all her work or on the couch. I did not allow her to nap. She did not complain, she just sat there as she was told.

 

We had a late dinner last night because my dh worked late. After dinner I sent her to bed. I explained that if I found her up later in the night that she would have another day of just sitting doing nothing but schoolwork.

 

She went right to sleep. At midnight I found her sitting up in bed reading.

I fussed at her, explained that she would have another do nothing day. I took her book and her glasses and set them on the desk and went to bed.

 

This morning I checked on her and the book and glasses were both in her bed!!!

 

She absolutely refuses to obey.

 

Please offer some suggestions as to how to handle this.

 

RhondaM.

[WishboneDawn]

Two thought.

 

One - You're effectively using school work as punishment which could really backfire in the long run. Besides, if she's not getting to sleep wouldn't a day of wearing her out with lots of running around at a playground or outside make more sense?

 

Two - You should be taking her to the doctor. There's a real possibility she's having trouble with sleep so you need to be investigating that.

[Chris in VA]

How frustrating!

I would follow thru on what you said you'd do for this time, but then I'd just stick to your rule--modifying it a bit to say she has to stay in her room at night.

 

Is she tired at night? Is she tired but wired, so to speak? Sometimes I read when I can't sleep--it's almost painful to just lay there, trying to relax and fall asleep, when my body won't listen! I think this should be an option for her.

 

I think as long as she can function during the day, doing what you ask academically and otherwise, with a good attitude (or a fake it til ya make it one, even!), you should just let her be in her room after a certain hour and only discipline her if she comes out. No naps during the day--

 

Two things I'd check: her diet and her exercise. Cut sugar/refined carbs, and get her to have at least an hour and a half of active time--walking is great, running, soccer, tennis, swimming (my favorite for really working the body)--all are options. Watch screens before bed, too, as they can rev up the brain--our psychologist said they should stop two hours before sleep in those who are drawn to them but show signs of not being able to sleep at night.

 

HTH

 

ETA: I'd also password protect that computer--no access for her.

[*********]

Wow, Rhonda, that's a tough one.

 

I'm confused why it is that she won't obey about going to sleep, but she'll obey about sitting on the couch all day doing nothing. That's curious.

 

Maybe she WANTS to obey you about going to sleep, but she's just not tired? In no way am I trying to excuse her disobedience. But I can see how if she had been laying there for a long time, not able to fall asleep, she might just think 'Oh well, I might get in trouble, but I'm so BORED and not tired that I might as well risk it'.

 

If it were me (and I've never been in this exact sitation, so YMMV), I'd follow through with the punishment for today (since that's my usual path, unless I think I overreacted and need to apologize/alter the punishment). But I'd use her 'do nothing' time to really talk with her and find out what's going on. Is she having trouble sleeping? Why does she keep getting up? Maybe the two of you can figure out something together that you're both comfortable with. Or maybe, she just wants to find out if you'll stick to your guns. You know how kids can be.

 

Either way, I'd get to the bottom of what's going on, come to a clear plan with her agreeing to it, then stick to whatever consequences she and I had discussed every.single.time. she didn't hold up her end of the agreement. And, if that happened too much, I'd make the consequence of disobedience increasingly unpleasant until she complied.

 

Just my .02.

[Stacie]

To keep her from having access to these things, I'd password protect brother's computer and strip her room of anything that can be used for entertainment during the night.

 

Now that being said, it's a hard call. Eating a late dinner keeps us awake so an earlier meal and a later snack will probably be better for her. If she genuinely has insomnia (and I feel for her since I have it as well) and if she is staying in her room and quietly reading rather than disturbing the rest of the family, I'd let her continue. Give her really boring books to read at night. She will fall asleep again, especially if she's being quiet.

 

If it's a disobedience issue, which could be cleared up with permission to read quietly, then disipline appropriatly. But sitting on the couch all day is not setting her up for a good night's sleep. Personally, I'd work on building her up to running a mile or some other exercise to burn up the energy and help her sleep.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I have an 8yo problem sleeper and it's no fun!!

Edited October 22, 2009 by Stacie

[Laura Corin]

We are managing something similar, but Calvin is older. Things that we have done:

 

-making sure that he gets an average of at least an hour of good exercise each day. Last night he was at Taekwondo for two hours; today he is raking leaves for 45 minutes

 

- good nutrition

 

- we only have laptops and they go to bed with me

 

- I stay up much later than him and can see the light under his bedroom door, so I ask him to turn it off

 

- he is not allowed to complain about tiredness and I expect a good attitude to work and chores.

 

Beyond that, we have come to the decision that he has to manage his night hours for himself. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, he needs to learn to cope with that in some way, and still get up to do his duties the next day. I can't micromanage his sleeping hours. If he were younger, I might be trying to be more heavy-handed, but there really is a limit to what you can do.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[RhondaM.]

Ok, I can agree that she needs more exercise. I need to put the trampoline to use as well as getting her to do some other activities.

 

And I'll also admit that she has always been the type of kid who only needed 4-5 hours of sleep and she is ready to get up. So she slept last night from 8-12. Typical. But if allowed to stay up and read, she falls back asleep at 4 or 5 or 6am and then is not ready to get up at 7 or 8 am. This has happened over and over for a long long time.

 

If allowed, this same child who has been up all night (or most of the night) has NO problems sleeping in until noon on Saturdays. I rarely allow this to happen, but it has happened on several occasions, and believe me she could sleep in like this every morning. So, sleeping is not a problem for her.

 

I have an older child who was born a night owl. I always allowed him to stay up and read as late as he wanted and get up around 11 am or so. When he hit 10 yrs old he suddenly started sleeping earlier and getting up earlier all on his own. But I never had a problem with this kid getting up and playing and getting on the computer ...not until he got a bit older.

 

But my dd won't just stay in bed and read. She gets up and plays, and gets on the computer. She is very...errr...passive agressive. Thus she had no problem just sitting on the couch all day.

 

I understand night owls, I understand her needing more exercise...but this is an obedience issue. Trust me.

 

Rhonda

[EarleneW]

Have you tried melatonin? That has worked wonders here.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I am in support of no tolerance for blatant disobedience, but I thought sharing my experience may give you a different perspective on this situation....

 

I had trouble sleeping this spring and I got to the point that just getting into my bed caused major feelings of dread and fear to well up. I didn't even want to face or acknowledge these feelings, so I would pop up and tell my husband I wasn't sleepy. After several weeks of poor sleep, getting up at all hours, dozing on the couch, getting on my computer in the night, or watching late night television, my dh realized that when I WAS sleeping, I was having nightmares and/or night terrors but was not remembering most of them.

 

I did not want to take any drugs, so I took a natural approach. My cure: daily exercise, eliminating caffeine, magnesium at bedtime, and a week taking melatonin at bedtime to break the strange sleep cycle. I had to move the clock on my bedside table. The blue light was a major part of many of my bad dreams, and it was also making a soft buzz that I didn't notice while awake, but when I put my ear next to the clock the sound was very irritating. If my computer was in my room, I had to completely shut it down or the little blue light that blinks would wake me up. I also had to sleep away from dh who was snoring due to allergies and was basically the catalyst for my nightmares. (His SNORING caused my nightmares....HE is absolutely wonderful!);)

 

Just asking your dd if she is having nightmares may not do it. I couldn't have told you I was having them. Dh was the one who noticed me moaning and crying in my sleep. Maybe try sleeping with her, or at least lying down with her at night. Fear/Nightmares etc. may not be her problem, but it's worth investigating. I cannot tell you how much I dreaded crawling into bed and/or staying there when I would awaken, but strangely I suppressed those feelings instead of analyzing them. I quickly wanted to find an activity to distract me. It wasn't until dh noticed the nightmares that I was able to acknowledge my fear and dread of going to bed. Thankfully my problems only lasted about a month.

 

HTH,

Leanna

Edited October 22, 2009 by Leanna
typo

[Tammyla]

I'd set a time for bed and allow pre-approved quiet, in the bed activities.

 

(Reading by flash-light, shadow puppets, flash light or laser light, but no getting out of bed except for bathroom trips and you get up at a set time.)

 

I agree with a good diet, exercise and no computer or other non-bed nocturnal activities.

 

I'd take the power cord off the computer or flip power to it. Discuss and set some rules and penalties for not following them. My ds is a night-owl and I totally sympathise with you.

[Rhonda in TX]

Beyond that, we have come to the decision that he has to manage his night hours for himself. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, he needs to learn to cope with that in some way, and still get up to do his duties the next day. I can't micromanage his sleeping hours. If he were younger, I might be trying to be more heavy-handed, but there really is a limit to what you can do.

 

13 yo DS has done this for years. He doesn't leave his room, but he gets and plays or reads. One thing that really bothered DH is that once he did fall back to sleep, his light would still be on. He did not feel that DS was getting good sleep with the light on. So, we put a timer on his light switch. The longest it can be on is one hour. Other than that, we've let it go.

 

I've suggested melatonin to DH, but he is not ready to go that route. That might be something to look into, though.

[OhM]

Beyond that, we have come to the decision that he has to manage his night hours for himself. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, he needs to learn to cope with that in some way, and still get up to do his duties the next day. I can't micromanage his sleeping hours. If he were younger, I might be trying to be more heavy-handed, but there really is a limit to what you can do.

 

 

We have a night-owl/non-sleeper, too (she was the baby who never napped - it just about killed me, because I did!) and we do something similar to Laura. We have left DD's sleep-management to her; the requirement is that she must be in her room (preferably in bed), she must wake up at the required hour with no complaining, and she may not take naps during the day.

 

Attention to exercise & nutrition is good advice. And I completely agree that computers/TV/screens are off limits after bedtime (though we have allowed dd a portable DVD at night sometimes.)

 

I would relax the reading in bed rule. In fact, with my dd I've been rejoicing lately to come up to bed and see her reading! (She's not a book-loving person, which distresses me a bit.) I often read at bedtime to help drift off. DD also draws and - this is odd, I know - talks to herself to entertain herself when she just can't sleep.

[Danestress]

password protect it and shut it down at night. Or take the mouse in your room at night. I would just get in the habit of making that unavailable to her because getting on the computer at night would be absolutely forbidden.

 

Getting out of bed and doing something else would bother me because part of me just would really want to supervise. But she's nine, and if you trust that she's one to play safely, I would be flexible on this. I have trouble sleeping, and when I do, I get OUT of bed and do something. Lying there thinking about how much sleep I am missing is torture.

 

Maybe you should give her assigned reading and tell her that if she wakes at night, she can do that reading. But I would make all electronics totally unavailable to her.

[katemary63]

Well, three thoughts,

 

1. I would take her to the Dr. and see if there was a medical reason she is waking up so much during the night.

 

2. You have an obedience problem My DD8 is also almost 9. If I told her not to get up out of bed, she wouldn't even get up to ask me if she could get up now. She might yell from her room to ask, but she wouldn't dream of getting out of bed. So, I would work on the obedience thing in other areas. Tomato staking type strategies would help. Restrict her freedom until she shows she is trustworthy in small things.

 

3. I agree, you shouldn't use schooling or learning as a punishment.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Personally I would make the "line in the sand" issue staying in her room at night, instead of sleep itself. As a long time insomniac, being told I had to go to sleep would not work. The fact that she fell asleep and then woke up again in the middle of the night (without an alarm clock to wake her up!) tells me that she did wake up naturally, whether it was to go to the bathroom or for another reason.

 

One of the accepted solutions for insomnia is to read a while. I wouldn't make an issue of her having done that to get back to sleep.

[LizzyBee]

I have a hard time falling asleep, and there is nothing worse than laying in bed TRYING to fall asleep and not being able to. I agree with pps about password protecting the computer, but I have no problem at all with my kids reading in bed if they can't sleep. When my kids say they can't fall asleep, I reply that may be true, but you can lie in your bed. The 2 older ones have booklights to use in bed. The youngest one usually falls asleep easily.

[Julie in CA]

The rule would be (and is, in my home) that they may stay up and read approved reading material (by this I mean only that it can't be total garbage that we would disapprove of on a moral basis) in their bed for as long as they would like, but no getting out of bed. Definitely no computer. If I found that the child had been on the computer when they weren't supposed to, that child would have their daytime computer time severely curtailed--like no screen time for a week or two. If it continued, the computer would be password-protected, and all traces of fun would disappear from that child's life for a good while.

 

One other thing though, I can't imagine a child here sleeping till 9 a.m. for any reason other than severe and debilitating illness. I know lots of families allow it, but I'd have that night owl child up with the sun every single day, regardless of how much/how little sleep they'd chosen to partake of the night before. Sleeping in just makes it harder to get to sleep the next night.

[Miss Peregrine]

The rule would be (and is, in my home) that they may stay up and read approved reading material (by this I mean only that it can't be total garbage that we would disapprove of on a moral basis) in their bed for as long as they would like, but no getting out of bed. Definitely no computer. If I found that the child had been on the computer when they weren't supposed to, that child would have their daytime computer time severely curtailed--like no screen time for a week or two. If it continued, the computer would be password-protected, and all traces of fun would disappear from that child's life for a good while.

 

One other thing though, I can't imagine a child here sleeping till 9 a.m. for any reason other than severe and debilitating illness. I know lots of families allow it, but I'd have that night owl child up with the sun every single day, regardless of how much/how little sleep they'd chosen to partake of the night before. Sleeping in just makes it harder to get to sleep the next night.

:iagree:

[sadiegirl]

We are managing something similar, but Calvin is older. Things that we have done:

 

-making sure that he gets an average of at least an hour of good exercise each day. Last night he was at Taekwondo for two hours; today he is raking leaves for 45 minutes

 

- good nutrition

 

- we only have laptops and they go to bed with me

 

- I stay up much later than him and can see the light under his bedroom door, so I ask him to turn it off

 

- he is not allowed to complain about tiredness and I expect a good attitude to work and chores.

 

Beyond that, we have come to the decision that he has to manage his night hours for himself. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, he needs to learn to cope with that in some way, and still get up to do his duties the next day. I can't micromanage his sleeping hours. If he were younger, I might be trying to be more heavy-handed, but there really is a limit to what you can do.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

 

:iagree:

[Remudamom]

All that plus.........getting someone up at nine isn't getting them up early. Mine are older, but they can stay up as late as they want. But they know when they have to get up and they can't sleep in til nine. Or eight. If I think someone is staying up too late I'm liable to kick the wake up time ahead 30 minutes the next morning.

[RhondaM.]

 

 

 

If I was having issues with the computer though, I would set a password so he couldn't get on there. That is one thing I won't full around with. I want to be around when he is on the computer.

 

Just wanted to comment on this (still reading everyone's suggestions). The computer that she sneaks off to does not have internet access. Just games that she is allowed to play. I don't have to worry about content.

 

Also, it is not in her room...but in my older son's room. Yesterday I asked him to put a password on it, but I'll have to check it every night to make sure it gets done.

 

Thanks so far to everyone.

 

Rhonda

[LizzyBee]

....I'd have that night owl child up with the sun every single day, regardless of how much/how little sleep they'd chosen to partake of the night before. Sleeping in just makes it harder to get to sleep the next night.

 

As a night owl, I have to comment on this. Getting a night owl up with the sun will not "cure" them of being a night owl because it's biologically hard-wired. What it will do is cause severe headaches and an inability to function productively. Secondly, night owls don't choose to partake of too little sleep. It is miserable to lie in bed wanting to sleep and unable to. Third, getting up early does not help a night owl fall asleep early. I wish it were that easy.

 

Please know that this was said in a friendly, conversational tone. :001_smile:

[Julie in CA]

Yesterday I asked him to put a password on it, but I'll have to check it every night to make sure it gets done.

 

Rhonda, why would you have to check it every night? Once the password is set, you shouldn't have to worry about it any more. Make sure he puts on a screen saver that will kick in if the computer is inactive for a while, and puts a password on to get back in. No checking. That would be more punishment for you than for her, no? :001_smile:

[Starr]

I rather like the ideas of the posters who use housework as a reminder to behave the next time. I've got to work this in to our disciplining of the kids. My floors could be sooo clean some weeks. :)

[RhondaM.]

Rhonda, why would you have to check it every night? Once the password is set, you shouldn't have to worry about it any more. Make sure he puts on a screen saver that will kick in if the computer is inactive for a while, and puts a password on to get back in. No checking. That would be more punishment for you than for her, no? :001_smile:

 

See I was thinking more of having him shut down his computer down for the night then it needing a password when it was turned back on. (This is what I'd have to check on.)

 

It would be too much of a pain to have one that kicked in every time the screen saver came on. For him.

 

Rhonda

[melissel]

Maybe you should give her assigned reading and tell her that if she wakes at night, she can do that reading. But I would make all electronics totally unavailable to her.

 

You've gotten lots of good advice. I particularly like the above. But I also wonder, have you talked with her (meaning, outside of in a disciplining way) about this? What does she have to say about why she's awake at night? Is she unable to fall asleep or stay asleep? Is she afraid at night? I remember waking in the night and being unable to fall back asleep, but afraid and imagining horrible things in the dark (actually, I still do this!). Reading helped my brain settle back down and brought me back into a normal place. Eventually I'd fall asleep reading, whereas, as someone else said, laying there in bed stressing about getting back to sleep and the next day's punishments would just be torture and counterproductive.

 

I do agree that she's pushing your buttons, but I think you're exacerbating a power struggle as well. Maybe coming at this from a different angle might be better?

[ThatCyndiGirl]

As a night owl, I have to comment on this. Getting a night owl up with the sun will not "cure" them of being a night owl because it's biologically hard-wired. What it will do is cause severe headaches and an inability to function productively. Secondly, night owls don't choose to partake of too little sleep. It is miserable to lie in bed wanting to sleep and unable to. Third, getting up early does not help a night owl fall asleep early. I wish it were that easy.

 

Please know that this was said in a friendly, conversational tone. :001_smile:

 

 

Thank you for saying this! I am a natural night-owl and I HATE how it seems like some well-meaning friends and family members want to change my natural inclinations. The mention of headaches really struck a chord. Sooooo true! :glare:

[Julie in CA]

See I was thinking more of having him shut down his computer down for the night then it needing a password when it was turned back on. (This is what I'd have to check on.)

 

It would be too much of a pain to have one that kicked in every time the screen saver came on. For him.

 

I dunno...I can type in my password in 3 seconds flat, whereas getting up in the night to continually deal with a disobedient child--that would put me over the top. I think I'd ask ds to deal with typing in a password once in a while, at least until the computer was no longer an issue for dd, but (obviously) ymmv!

 

ETA: I'd also be asking the older ds why he allowed his sister to play in his room in the middle of the night when he knew she was supposed to be in bed, but that's a separate issue. Have him supervise his room, or type in a password sometimes, his choice. :-)

Edited October 22, 2009 by Julie in CA

[Julie in CA]

As a night owl, I have to comment on this. Getting a night owl up with the sun will not "cure" them of being a night owl because it's biologically hard-wired. What it will do is cause severe headaches and an inability to function productively. Secondly, night owls don't choose to partake of too little sleep. It is miserable to lie in bed wanting to sleep and unable to. Third, getting up early does not help a night owl fall asleep early. I wish it were that easy.

 

Please know that this was said in a friendly, conversational tone. :001_smile:

I never said it was a "cure", and while it's definitely biologically hard-wired, that doesn't mean you cannot try whatever measures might help. The way I look at it, I'm biologically hard-wired to be overweight, but that doesn't mean that I don't make an effort to do the things that might help. Being able to get up at a time that would allow you to hold down a 9-5 job is a necessary skill for most folks, regardless of their natural inclination.

 

As far as the choice involved in staying up late, it's true that you may not choose to go to sleep, you can only choose do (or not do) the things that may help. Getting in bed and reading quietly while the family sleeps is a reasonable request to make.

 

I understand and sympathize with those who cannot fall asleep when they need to, but (as in the case of my ds) there has to be some compromise between the OP's dd's inclinations, and the needs of mom and family.

 

And of course, *all* of this is intended to also be in a friendly conversational tone, even though we may disagree on a few things! :001_smile:

[yslek]

As a night owl, I have to comment on this. Getting a night owl up with the sun will not "cure" them of being a night owl because it's biologically hard-wired. What it will do is cause severe headaches and an inability to function productively. Secondly, night owls don't choose to partake of too little sleep. It is miserable to lie in bed wanting to sleep and unable to. Third, getting up early does not help a night owl fall asleep early. I wish it were that easy.

 

Please know that this was said in a friendly, conversational tone. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

I don't know if I'm a "night owl" or deal with insomnia. I have a horrible time falling asleep at night (and tried melatonin and 5-HTP before I was pg...helped with going to sleep, but gave me horrible nightmares :glare:), but once I finally do get to sleep, I have a very hard time re-joining the world of the waking. Currently I have a very hard time dragging myself out of bed before 9:30. (I do get up to say good-bye to dh at 6:45 or so, but then crawl back to bed.) For some reason on weekends I can get up earlier (maybe because I'm not getting up to see dh off to work!) but even then, not until 8:30 or so. Whenever I try to get up early, I do have a headachy, draggy feeling all day, and am super unproductive & grouchy. I wish it were different, because it seems like I should be able to get so much more done with more pre-lunch hours in my day. (And yes, I did get up early in my school days, because I had to, but never really felt awake until I'd been up for several hours. It didn't make it any easier to fall asleep at night, either, even though I was exhausted.)

 

Anyway...sorry about veering off like that. I think the combination of advice offered so far is good. Maybe allowing quiet reading in bed if dd just can't sleep, but also disabling too-great temptations such as the computer will help. Looking into exercies & sleep issues seems like a good idea, too. :grouphug: Hope you can figure this out & find a solution that works for you & dd.

[chaik76]

As a night owl, I have to comment on this. Getting a night owl up with the sun will not "cure" them of being a night owl because it's biologically hard-wired. What it will do is cause severe headaches and an inability to function productively. Secondly, night owls don't choose to partake of too little sleep. It is miserable to lie in bed wanting to sleep and unable to. Third, getting up early does not help a night owl fall asleep early. I wish it were that easy.

 

Please know that this was said in a friendly, conversational tone. :001_smile:

This!

It is terrible to lay in bed for hours and hours, unable to sleep. Sitting at a table all day may really seem better to her. And honestly, you can't just tell someone to go to sleep...if they're not tired it's just not going to work.

 

I'm a night owl. I can go to bed at 4, and if I have to get up at 6, I'm still not going to be able to fall asleep early.

 

Plus, if she's waking up after a few hours, she really may need less sleep. You're doing her no favors by making her stay in her bed with nothing to do. That does not mean I think she should be allowed to get up and do anything willy-nilly. However, reading in bed, coloring, playing with dolls quietly...I would allow those things.

 

She may physically not need as much sleep as the family. And no matter how hard you try, 7 in the morning may not be an appropriate wake time for her. Have you considered letting her read in bed and then letting her sleep until nine? Working with the natural rhythms of her body?

 

I have one night-owl and one early-bird. The night-owl is allowed to play in his room until he falls asleep (usually around midnight). He actually does need a fair amount of sleep and usually wakes around 10am.

 

The other needs a fair amount of sleep too...but he's an early bird...he goes to bed at 8 and wakes up around 6 (not allowed out of room until 7).

 

It doesn't matter that I have to get up at seven with him every day, I still can't fall asleep before 2 or three in the morning at the earliest. It means I go through every single day exhausted. Now, I'm a mom and my youngest is two...so I need to be up with him. But the day will come when he'll be able to get up by himself and I'll be able to get enough sleep again.

 

But I'm honestly not seeing a reason you couldn't let your daughter sleep/read/play quietly and wake up at a reasonable time for her (unless you had an activity that day, of course).

 

Leaving her room is an obedience issue...however, she may feel she has no other recourse. She can't sleep, and you won't allow her to do anything in her room after bedtime, it sounds like. The punishment may be worth it (it would have been for me as a child).

 

Maybe you can brainstorm alternatives that would work for both of you?

[Pip]

Just seeing this thread.

 

My oldest dd has always had an extremely difficult time falling asleep. We would put her to bed and at midnight she would be lying in the dark wide awake, asking us questions (the one I remember most was "why are cirrus clouds wispy?") We were told she would grow out of it, we should be glad we homeschool because we could just adjust our schedule (grrrr) and other things. Finally I found a dr. with 8 kids who homeschools. He suggestested melatonin. Other drs were opposed to this. Turns out this was because there were not enough studies done on the safety on children, although none showed it was dangerous. My dr, contacted a pediatric endocrinologist who told him that she could safely take up to 2 mg at the time.

 

She has been on it for 5 years now. The assumption is that children produce enough, but that doesn't mean that some don't. DD did not wander the house at the time, but would stay up reading. As she has gotten older, she is better about falling asleep. However, she sometimes can't sleep. She will often do school or get up and unload the dishwasher.

 

I try to understand nights where she can't sleep, but we don't let her settle into a pattern. We have always told her this is her problem, and while we will help her adapt to it, she needs to understand she needs to still work with the family, instead of us working around her. Obviously, we are more hardline on this as she gets older.

 

The bottom line was she couldn't settle her brain down. As she has gotten older, she understands that certain activities will keep her awake. She needs to read quiet books, no listening to music, no strenuous physical activity an hour before bed as that cuts down on melatonin productions.

 

If she can't recognize that yet, I agree, lock up the computer, block tv programs, whatever you can do, to keep her brain calm while she is trying to get settled down to sleep.