Twin Toddlers: My Children as the Source of My Discouragement

[Sahamamama]

:confused: I'm not sure where to begin, really. They are 2.5 years old, what else is there to say, LOL? Big Sister is 4.5 -- her "behavioral age" varies daily from about 7 years old (after playing with 8 year old cousin) to, oh, about 9 months....

 

I feel as though something fundamental has shifted here with us. It happened about 3 months after the twins turned two. My oldest was so... happy? cooperative? pliable? un-moany? Do I need to say that these two toddlers are (D) None of the above?

 

It's either, "She pushed me" or "I bumped my knee" or "She took my pillow" or "I bumped my knee" or "She touched me" or "I bumped my knee" all. day. long. Someone, out there, with older twins, please tell me this is perfectly normal. Also, please tell me that at some point it will end.

 

The title of my post: Discouragement, Children as Source of... well, my husband is absolutely wonderful. :001_wub: My house is small, but hey, we can make the mortgage. :hurray: We just bought a new van. :driving: My husband just finished the fellowship for a great, higher-paying job that he LOVES. :thumbup: My parents are in good health and living (close by, too). :cheers2: I am still surviving cancer. :seeya: I have three theoretically wonderful children, why should I be discouraged? Why should I feel as though my children are somehow directly linked to this discouragement? Is this normal?

 

Moms of 1 + twins (or other permutations), welcome to offer good advice.

[The Girls' Mom]

:grouphug: Been there. It does get better. Or at least changes! lol. My oldest dd was 3 when my twins were born. The first oh....4 years of their lives was not pleasant. Between MY issues (ppd, among others) them just being toddlers, and my dh's work schedule, it was rough.

 

I tease them that they learned to fight in the womb. Seriously, I saw one kick the other in the stomach on ultrasound. I have them on video at 6 months viciously attacking one another over a stuffed animal. (Thankfully they didn't have teeth yet!) They still get on each others nerves, but thankfully it doesn't last long, and they don't constantly come to me with it.

 

I won't lie...when my kids were those ages it was HARD. But I still miss them being little :001_huh:

[Remudamom]

Heck, you can do it. We had a six yr old, an 18 month old and newborn triplets. Just hang in there.

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug: Been there. It does get better. My oldest dd was 3 when my twins were born. The first oh....4 years of their lives was not pleasant. Between MY issues (ppd, among others) them just being toddlers, and my dh's work schedule, it was rough. I won't lie...when my kids were those ages it was HARD.

 

So, it's okay to sometimes think that I'm, uh, not exactly enjoying them?

[CLHCO]

My 4yo is just like yours, only her twin siblings are 11 years older than her so we can't really compare there.

 

I think many 4yo girls (and some boys, it just looks different sometimes) go through a stage where they live, eat, and breathe drama. They just suddenly take everything so seriously. They try to use emotions to manipulate, and their increase in size seems to give them more stamina for the long-winded life of woe-is-me.

 

My 15yo twins did it, though they weren't nearly as talented as my current 4yo at drama. They pulled out around 5... and on to the new phase by six. :tongue_smilie:

 

My son at those ages was a lot harder than any of the girls though. I survived him, I can survive her and you will too! :grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

Heck, you can do it. We had a six yr old, an 18 month old and newborn triplets. Just hang in there.

 

Good, that means you're used to the noise and tumult, so... we're moving out to your ranch for a year or two, so the kids will have a place to run FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :lol:

 

P.S. I'll do farm chores in exchange for R & B. ;)

 

P.P.S. Are your triplets teenagers now? Do they do any babysitting?

[ChristusG]

I have a 5 year old little girl....and a 2.5 year old little girl as well. You would not believe (or maybe you would) the drama that surrounds the 5 year old ALL. THE. TIME. Drama all day every day. I'm telling ya, if the girl was not so shy around people she does not know, she could star in a movie and win an Oscar at this very moment. Drama, drama, drama.

 

You should see when her little sister takes a toy from her (purposely, just to see the drama that follows). She gasps and has a look of horror on her face like she just witnessed her dog being run over by a car. Then the exaggerated emotions that follow are just crazy. If she wasn't my child and I wasn't having to deal with the drama, I'd be laughing at the sheer exaggeration of her emotions.

 

The 2.5 year old is as sweet as can be though LOL. When she's not trying to entice her big sister.

[The Girls' Mom]

So, it's okay to sometimes think that I'm, uh, not exactly enjoying them?

 

 

IMO, yes it is perfectly ok. I think we do a disservice to all new moms if we imply that we enjoy our kids all the time. Are they a joy and blessing to have, you bet. Are THEY a joy all the time...no way!

[Impish]

I have a 5 year old little girl....and a 2.5 year old little girl as well. You would not believe (or maybe you would) the drama that surrounds the 5 year old ALL. THE. TIME. Drama all day every day. I'm telling ya, if the girl was not so shy around people she does not know, she could star in a movie and win an Oscar at this very moment. Drama, drama, drama.

 

You should see when her little sister takes a toy from her (purposely, just to see the drama that follows). She gasps and has a look of horror on her face like she just witnessed her dog being run over by a car. Then the exaggerated emotions that follow are just crazy. If she wasn't my child and I wasn't having to deal with the drama, I'd be laughing at the sheer exaggeration of her emotions.

 

The 2.5 year old is as sweet as can be though LOL. When she's not trying to entice her big sister.

Princess will be 3 this month. I so know what you mean about the look of horror, and the Oscar worthy drama. Wolf has caught her PRACTICING her facial expressions in the bathroom mirror! :lol:

 

I totally agree. I'd find it pants wetting hilarious...if she weren't mine to deal with 24/7 :glare:

Heck, you can do it. We had a six yr old, an 18 month old and newborn triplets. Just hang in there.

You are my new hero :001_wub:

[jenL]

IMO, yes it is perfectly ok. I think we do a disservice to all new moms if we imply that we enjoy our kids all the time. Are they a joy and blessing to have, you bet. Are THEY a joy all the time...no way!

 

:iagree: wholeheartedly!!!

[Sahamamama]

Wolf has caught her PRACTICING her facial expressions in the bathroom mirror! :lol:

 

Mine does this! Mine does this! :lol: My husband is ROFL!

[tricia]

My twins were our 8th and 9th. There are many things that we all had to adjust to so please know that all will work out in time. The time it takes to tend to twins is a big load and one that normally every member of the house feels. Give it some time and throw in lots of hugs.:)

[justamouse]

So, it's okay to sometimes think that I'm, uh, not exactly enjoying them?

 

 

I had a four YO when my twins were born, then when they were 3 months old I got pregnant again. (not including the others. They could dress and go to the bathroom unaided they don't count.)

 

This too shall pass. Really. It will. You just need to stay sane until then, K? And NO, you don't like them all the time. But you do love them and after a glass of wine and some sleep you'll like them again, too.

[LaxMom]

:grouphug: Been there. It does get better. Or at least changes! lol. My oldest dd was 3 when my twins were born. The first oh....4 years of their lives was not pleasant. Between MY issues (ppd, among others) them just being toddlers, and my dh's work schedule, it was rough.

 

I tease them that they learned to fight in the womb. Seriously, I saw one kick the other in the stomach on ultrasound. I have them on video at 6 months viciously attacking one another over a stuffed animal. (Thankfully they didn't have teeth yet!) They still get on each others nerves, but thankfully it doesn't last long, and they don't constantly come to me with it.

 

I won't lie...when my kids were those ages it was HARD. But I still miss them being little :001_huh:

Aside from ppd (not that I would remember, so profound was the sleep deprivation) that's the same age split and experience at my house.

(Ironic, isn't it, the claim that children only play side-by-side until they're two? Mine were interactive from the time they could move and it hasn't been pretty much of the time)

IMO, yes it is perfectly ok. I think we do a disservice to all new moms if we imply that we enjoy our kids all the time. Are they a joy and blessing to have, you bet. Are THEY a joy all the time...no way!

Amen, sister!

[AuntieM]

DS was 2.4 when twins arrived. I found that once the littles became mobile, he needed to have some time each day when they would not get in his face, in his stuff, climb all over him. I started gating him into his (spacious) bedroom with the toys of his choice and made sure the crawlers couldn't interfere. That was really good for him.

 

As they got older (twins 2, older 4), I split up my b/g twins and the boys bunked together. It really helped to establish different relationships and seemed to help tempers all the way around. The key was to be sure dd got lots of attention and opportunities to play with girl friends.

 

Having been there, I would think you were nuts if you said you DID love it all the time...!!! Life with that age kids is exhausting, both physically and mentally. Cut yourself some slack! Be sure you are getting some quiet time of your own on a regular basis.

[imhim]

Some things are beyond us. I need God to take me through these years of young, needy, self-centered childhood. But if you continue to discipline and show the right way, when the little ones are 5 or so, I *heard* life DOES get better! :D

[Twinmom]

So, it's okay to sometimes think that I'm, uh, not exactly enjoying them?

 

Heck, yeah, it's okay! And yes, this too shall pass. Cut yourself some slack, remember that you are TIRED and that you can always admire them sleeping if you need to remember how adorable they are!

 

Toddler twins are adorable...but raising my two boys through those years just about did me in! Parenting is a hard job and it's doubly hard with pint size doubles! Not that mine are all grown up at 6, but I can say that things have gotten easier with each passing year. They become more independent, work out some (not all... ;)) of their own battles, can get their own juice, go to the potty, etc. They can play cooperatively with their sibs (who were just 20 months and 3 yrs old when they were born! :eek:) without destroying toys and breaking out in a screaming match (save a couple a day! :D)

[cathmom]

Currently my fourth child is almost 6 and my twins are almost 4. It's constant all day long refereeing, dealing with whatever one has that the other one (or two) want, and then helping them, teaching them, on and on and on and on. My dh are hoping to rest in a few years! Between them and my one year old and trying to do school with the older children, I'm worn out.

[mom2hunangirls]

oh thank you for asking!!!!!!!

 

I have a 6 yr old (as of next week) and a 2.5 yr old. Before the younger came home (the older was 4 and traveled to China with us to get the younger) the old was the envy of all the moms :). Ate well, slept well, obeyed well, was out-going, just really easy. Thankfully I knew that and enjoyed it...but I didn't realize it was going to end!!!

 

The older is INSANELY jealous of the younger. To the point where it's hard to be with them at the same time. The 2.5 yr old is a whiner and crier anyway. But leave them in a room together and the older starts right in on annoying the younger. It drives me insane!!! And trying to school the older is painful. When I'm with her my hurricane of a 2 yr old is either destroying something or whining and crying at the doorway. If I try to get the older started on some independent work so I can give some attention to the 2.5 yr old....suddenly the 6 yr old can't remember how to even write letters. Despite the fact that if I'm sitting there she aces everything with no comment from me. ugh!!!!

 

And the 2.5 yr old is BUSY. None of the sit and play in the high chair with us. Have her color?? No, she eats the crayons. Nothing seems to hold her attention. And if it does I'm pretty sure she's going to eat it.

 

It's so exhausting. Emotionally. Physically. And I have a great DH that takes over as soon as he gets home. But I still have to listen to the ya-ya that goes on. And I have felt so discouraged feeling like I am the only one who can't deal with it 24/7. I can't find anyway to do school that works. And I get discouraged reading "let them play in the room with you"... with the older it would work. She wasn't busy like this.

 

And I'm not even a "soft" parent. I'll try anything if it's legal to train her!! I just can't figure out what to do. What she'll grow out of.

 

And I sure can't find any help on an older being so insanely jealous of the younger and what to do about it.

 

Pray. Beg for mercy. I can't stand wishing this time away because it's supposed to be so fun. but my older is really sucking the life out of group outings.

 

Whew! I didn't help the OP at all! I really needed to get that out! And it seemed like everyone on this thread might understand. :)

[Cindyg]

Heck, you can do it. We had a six yr old, an 18 month old and newborn triplets. Just hang in there.

 

Ack! Mother of the year award!

[Lolly]

Umm, I don't remember that age. Well, just barely. At that point, I had a newborn to deal with. The eldest was not quite 4. No, I really don't remember much about that time. So, I am certain it must get better. My girls got along unbelievably well from 3 on. I DO remember those years!!!:001_smile:

[Denisemomof4]

oh, wow, of course you're discouraged! Having 3 kids was the hardest, and I've heard that it's true for many larger families. Have another kid! :D Seriously, with THREE kids under 4.5, I think we all can understand how you can get discouraged. And cranky. And exhausted. And still love it all at the same time. ;)

 

It WILL get easier, just give it time.

:grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

You know, that explains a lot about you. You don't get to be tough as nails by having one little ol' easy baby.;)

 

That's what I thought about Remudamom, but I couldn't have said it any better! :lol:

[Sahamamama]

oh thank you for asking! I have felt so discouraged feeling like I am the only one who can't deal with it 24/7. I can't find anyway to do school that works. And I get discouraged reading "let them play in the room with you"... with the older it would work. She wasn't busy like this. And I'm not even a "soft" parent. I'll try anything if it's legal to train her!! I just can't figure out what to do. What she'll grow out of. I didn't help the OP at all! I really needed to get that out! And it seemed like everyone on this thread might understand. :)

 

Actually, I am the OP, and so I can say with certainty that, yes, that did help me, LOL! Your rant makes my rant more normal. I had a psych professor in college who said that everything is a matter of perception -- "It's less stressful if you normalize it." By that he meant that if your leg falls off and you are stressed about that, you'll be less stressed if you realize that a leg falling off is SUPPOSED to be stressful, and so on.

 

So... your perspective helps, especially the part about not finding any way to do school that works. Ditto here. That's what I meant when I said something's shifted here -- it's because the twins used to be calmer, but then they TURNED TWO, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So, we will just get through this next year and then see where we're at with life. Thanks, ladies! I feel much better now. Off to bed.......

[fleischdoc]

Just another BTDT so you don't feel alone! My twins turned 2 in April, and I have an 11yo and 8yo that are supposed to be getting an education :). It seems like since we have started school a few weeks ago, the twins have turned into toddlers from h*** ! If I try to sit and work with one of the olders, they either get into something to destroy it, or throw themselves into my lap and have a fit. Or suddenly decide they want to try and go potty (and sit there forever...). It has been extremely frustrating-all my lovely laid out plans for an organized,orderly year.....what was I thinking? Friends tell me to just plan on a light year with the olders, but that is what we have done since they were born 2 years ago-we do have to do school again at some point!

 

The one sanity saver I have is they both nap after lunch-sometimes for 2 hours!!!

 

Lisa in Missouri

mom of 4 (11, 8, and 2 yr old twinados)

[Emmy]

This whole thread scares me. :leaving:

[Melinda in VT]

When my twins were little, I used to listen with disbelief to people who talked about their twins holding hands in the stroller. Holding hands? Uh, no. Try pulling hair. And ears. (These are the six-month-old pictures we have. I swear they learned to roll over so they could reach the other baby's ears.) In utero fighting? Yes, we have the video to prove it.

 

By two they would play with each other, but that didn't mean the end of squabbles. "Mom, I want to play kitty-cat and [twin] wants to play seals. Make her play kitty-cat!." And there was the time she tried to push him down the stairs. Or the time we caught him sealing the lid onto the Rubbermaid toy container (with her inside).

 

But then about 3, things got really good. They could amuse each other for hours. It was great.

 

We went through a slightly rough patch in 1st and 2nd grade, where there was more bickering. (This was the age one twin requested to be in a separate class at school.)

 

Now, at almost 10, they are thick as thieves again.

[Melinda in VT]

DS was 2.4 when twins arrived. I found that once the littles became mobile, he needed to have some time each day when they would not get in his face, in his stuff, climb all over him. I started gating him into his (spacious) bedroom with the toys of his choice and made sure the crawlers couldn't interfere. That was really good for him.

 

:iagree: Our oldest is 4 years older, but he really needed this too.

[MomsintheGarden]

That's what I meant when I said something's shifted here -- it's because the twins used to be calmer, but then they TURNED TWO, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So, we will just get through this next year and then see where we're at with life. Thanks, ladies! I feel much better now. Off to bed.......

 

We had twins for our 5th and 6th. I don't remember much from before they were 4 years old. Those years were very challenging. Someday, this will be over and you will laugh at a few of the things they did. (maybe)

 

If you can just get through the day and everyone is still alive, fed, somewhat clean, and maybe has done a little bit of school, you have done admirably.

 

GardenMom

[MariannNOVA]

So, it's okay to sometimes think that I'm, uh, not exactly enjoying them?

 

Yes, imo, it's not only okay, it is how you will survive. Our b/g twins will be 9 at the end of October - 19 months difference between then and dd10 -- LITERALLY, only the past week, have I seen teeny weeny signs that the twins are not incorrigible.

 

The twins are the youngest of 5 children (2 are grown and out of the house) -- there is an unmistakable dynamic that exists that I cannot explain OR explain away.

 

I have had months....yes, months.....maybe longer than that, where I have not enjoyed anything about them. :001_huh:

 

It is getting better. HTH

[Sahamamama]

There is an unmistakable dynamic that exists that I cannot explain OR explain away.

 

:iagree:And I probably would not have understood this statement or believed it prior to having my own set.

 

I don't know.... What is that dynamic, exactly? It's sort of as though they know they have a power that singletons don't have -- the power to test the boundaries, to see if the rules will really hold, to see if the parent will "Follow Through, Times Two." This is my new motto: Follow Through, Times Two. In other words, whatever it takes to train and teach and nurture these two, that's what it takes!

 

My mom says it's because they draw courage from each other, courage to push the line. She's probably right. She usually is. After she spends time over here, my mom always leaves saying, "You have your hands full, I can see that!" Isn't it great to have strong, determined children???!!!! Thanks for all the constructive advice. :001_smile:

[missmoe]

The two youngest of my five are twins. They have a brother that is 17 months older then them. I was numb for the first year and half---just so tired all the time!

 

They were the naughtiest babies I had ever seen. None of my older children did the things they did! Listening wasn't even a concept in their brains. Before them I had children that liked to please. They weren't always perfect but on the whole it made them happy to please mom or dad. Not these terrors! They never slept. They never slept in their cribs. They ganged up and beat up on their older brother---who was miffed that everyone thought the three of them were triplets.

 

Life was hard!!!!!!! My dh and I were on survival mode for a few years there!

 

Now my twins are 10 and life is pleasant and peaceful and fun. The three of them are friends and openly show love for each other most of the time. Harmony reigns supreme in our land again.

 

It will get better. Hang in there.

 

I once went to a women's conference where one of the featured speakers was a mom of 10 children. She spent half of her time speaking about how bad it was when her kids were little. Of course, her kids were grown at that point and she also spoke about the joys of parenting and raising her children. Listening to her admit how bad it had been at one point saved me. Nobody had ever talked to me about being a mom like that before. I learned that it was okay to HATE it at times. It's okay to feel how you do. You also have the big picture in your mind and realize the blessings that come with it--and that is what will make it okay!

 

Go get some sleep. That always helped me.

[cathmom]

Our twins do so many things that our other dc never even thought of doing! I mean really - pulling the window trim off, spreading poop on the walls, destroying window coverings, completely breaking the pack 'n play, I could go on and on. It really worries my dh - it makes him think there's something psychologically wrong with them! I try to explain that it's because they are twins but I don't think he believes me.