Homeschooling and the introverted parent

[mirth]

I have young ones 3 and 5yo. They are noisy. We are homeschooling. How do you carve out your needed hour (minutes) of quiet time if you are seriously introverted? If I am not left alone for 30-60 minutes during daylight hours, I will either feel irritated and get mad (which requires even more time to de-stress from) or zone out (not ever as gratifying or refreshing as 30 minutes of silence, and way more time consuming). Being left exposed to noise and commotion on end would probably lead me into depression or anxiety.

 

Next question: If you are way introverted, how compelled do you feel to host playdates or co-ops at your house? I don't even like going to big playdates at others' homes. It's been a while since I've have kids here -- maybe 1 year. Honestly, I don't even like staying at home indoors all morning with just my two if I don't have an activity mapped out. We do see other kids frequently. I prefer meeting at outdoor parks and pools to anything else.

 

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

[Hockey Mom]

Your kids are young enough, that you could have 'nap time' for an hour. Or you could do 'quiet time' for your older child by allowing him/her to play quietly in their room.

 

I'm not big on playdates either. Never have been. However, my kids interact with other kids almost all week simply because of their outside activities (AWANAs, Hockey two times a week, Sunday school, playing with cousins, etc.). Do you have your children involved in any outside activities?

 

WRT an introverted parents support group - who would come to the meetings? LOL ;)

[Janet in WA]

I am a serious introvert.

 

I have young ones 3 and 5yo. They are noisy. We are homeschooling. How do you carve out your needed hour (minutes) of quiet time if you are seriously introverted?

I required my children at that age to have quiet time in their rooms and/or beds for a certain period of time (1 hour seems reasonable) during the afternoons. I didn't require them to sleep if they were past nap age, but rest and quiet and leaving mom in peace were non-negotiable.

 

Next question: If you are way introverted, how compelled do you feel to host playdates or co-ops at your house? I don't even like going to big playdates at others' homes. It's been a while since I've have kids here -- maybe 1 year. Honestly, I don't even like staying at home indoors all morning with just my two if I don't have an activity mapped out. We do see other kids frequently. I prefer meeting at outdoor parks and pools to anything else.

We didn't do playdates. When my sons were as young as yours, they played with each other, with occasional outings to the park and the pool, etc.

 

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

Wouldn't that be an oxymoron?

[Garga]

I was just reading in the WTM that Jessie (and later Susan when she was grown) required 1-2 hours a day in the afternoon of down time.

 

They would send their kids to their rooms to play quietly while mom did whatever mom needed to do (nap, get a chore done, etc.)

 

According to them, it's a requirement for all homeschooling parents! ;) I plan on instituting it this year as soon as we officially begin homeschooling (mine are 6 and 4.)

 

I'm sure that at first my kids will think I'm punishing them, but soon it will be a routine. I didn't do it last year, and I would get super cranky from the constant stimulation from kids and would have to take a day off from homeschooling more often than I wanted.

[Mommamia]

 

Next question: If you are way introverted, how compelled do you feel to host playdates or co-ops at your house? I don't even like going to big playdates at others' homes. It's been a while since I've have kids here -- maybe 1 year. Honestly, I don't even like staying at home indoors all morning with just my two if I don't have an activity mapped out. We do see other kids frequently. I prefer meeting at outdoor parks and pools to anything else.

 

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

 

:iagree: I could use that support group.

[Shelly in the Country]

I'm super-introverted here. I don't have a solution. I get cranky. Until my youngest is old enough to be sent upstairs to play quietly like the others, I think I will remain cranky. I think I'll go make myself a cup of tea now....

 

Oh, and no, we don't do playdates or co-ops here. Being "social" gives me headaches. Literally.

[WTMCassandra]

I was just reading in the WTM that Jessie (and later Susan when she was grown) required 1-2 hours a day in the afternoon of down time.

 

They would send their kids to their rooms to play quietly while mom did whatever mom needed to do (nap, get a chore done, etc.)

 

According to them, it's a requirement for all homeschooling parents! ;)

 

I am sooooo grateful to Mrs. Wise for putting this in the book. I first read WTM when my children were 2 and 4, and so I kept that naptime and never looked back.

 

Now, my 12yo is going back to taking that nap more days than not, instead of just quietly reading. My 10yo is unimpressed but knows that if we are at home that he must have a quiet time.

 

This afternoon downtime is completely essential for me. In addition, my husband usually takes over parenting in the evenings, especially overseeing piano practicing.

[Jill- OK]

Yes, I absolutely wish for an Introverted Parents' Support Group.

 

It's odd, but many folks wouldn't think that I'm introverted, at first glance, because I like to go out, hang with friends, get laughs, etc., etc...but I seriously do so much better with a little alone/quiet time, daily. (And if I have a longer period of it, weekly, then we're even better off.)

 

I've vacillated between feeling guilty about this ("You should appreciate your family!"), and accepting it for years, and I think I'm just about to give up the guilt. It's not even really a matter of preference; I can't think/operate well if I don't have some time and peace. (I guess that's why I don't think/operate so well, so much of the time, lol. Sigh.)

 

We're going back to having a quiet time during the day, because I can't seem to impress on everyone that we need to wind it down by a certain time at night. I'm also going to give a few gentle reminders about how our outside pursuits (activities, zoo trips, get togethers with friends) depend largely on giving Mommy said quiet time. That helps. :D

 

I think it's a special challenge, but it's not out of the question to balance kids' activities/homeschooling, and the needs of an introvert. One of the reasons we took a good break during the summer from activities was that I needed it. (The other being that I like for the kids to simply have some unstructured time.)

 

Keep your chin up, and be realistic about expectations and needs. My personal belief is that two kids the ages of yours (who have a sibling at home to play with on a daily basis) don't need a huge amount of outside socializing time. In fact, if they don't ask for it...I wouldn't give it a second thought. (Our playdates at that age were few and far between; I think we belonged to a play group that met once a month, and had occasional get togethers with friends who had similarly aged kids every so often). We've sort of gradually allowed more and more as the kids get older; they appreciate it more, have more of a genuine need (in my opinion), and can understand the idea of outside pursuits being a privilege.

[Jill- OK]

You mentioned prefering to meet others outside (park, etc.)...I think that's great!

 

Young, active kids do better with lots of time outside (at least, mine do/did), so you could always try following an outdooor time with a quiet, indoor activity when you got home/came inside. 3 is old enough to sit down with a few books/toys and a timer, and give Mom a chance to catch her breath. (My problem now, with five kids, is finding enough rooms to give everyone a place for quiet time, lol.) This kind of gives them a better chance of spending half an hour or so quietly, if they're tuckered out from running around. :-)

 

Another way to increase the chances of this working is to schedule something fun or a snack for after quiet time. "Stay playing/reading until the timer goes off, and we'll have some cookies!" It's not necessarily a reward, but something to look forward to. A natural ebb and flow to a little guy's day make habits like that easier to get and stay into, IMO.

 

(P.S. I'm going to have to take my own advice on this, too, when we start our quiet times back, tomorrow! --First day back to school--Thanks for bringing this up...I need to get into good habits, myself!)

Edited August 2, 2009 by Jill, OK

[muffinmom]

I too am introverted and struggle with whether I'm giving my extremely social kid enough social time. What we did: we had a standing playtime at a community center last year every Wed. morning for a couple of hours. You could come if you want, but if you couldn't, fine. No pressure on anyone. There was a playground and a gym with toys to play with if the weather was bad. It was great because I had something in the schedule that was social...didn't have to plan it from week to week. That's just what we did on Wed. a.m. The kids got to develop friendships and so did the moms. What started out as just small talk has developed into several relationships with like-minded moms who I can count on. They will come take my kids for an afternoon if I'm not feeling well, and vice versa. And we've been an emotional support to one another too. And now the kids are developing real friendships. If you don't know of one, check with a local community center or church. They may help you arrange for a fixed time for this. Our community center sets aside a time like this on MWF for 2 hours for moms with small children. (we just picked one of those days to meet as homeschoolers)

 

As to time to yourself, what the other posters have said about quiet time in the afternoon is great advice. But don't forget to put your kids to bed early if you can. I try to get mine down around 7:30 or 8:00. Then I have a few hours to myself then too.

[Zebra]

I think the afternoon "quiet time" is like the idea that when a plane is going down, Mom must give herself the oxygen first so she has the strength to save her child. It's that important.

 

I bought DD a cd player and some cd's, that she can only listen to during quiet time. She LOVES quiet time.

 

I'm not sure I could homeschool without daily quiet time, and I am so glad to see that I am not the only one.

[Mom0012]

My kids are older now (7 and 9), so they will go off and play on their own and give me some down time. My biggest problem now is that my husband works from home almost every day. That has its pros, but it has its challenges as well.

 

As far as playdates go, I do them even though I might not always feel like it. Being a social director when you are an introvert is not always easy, but I feel it is an important part of my job.

 

Lisa

[patchfire]

Another introvert here. I can enjoy social situations, enough that I'm not immediately pegged as an introvert, but I absolutely have to have that down time to myself, daily.

 

Early afternoon quiet time is a godsend. Our schedule this coming year is such that we'll miss it two out of four days (fifth day the older kids are at a drop-off program, so it's ALL good that day! ;), so we'll just be having it as soon as we get home, even though it'll be closer to dinnertime one day.

 

Now that dd is older, she actually gets up before the rest of us and starts her schoolwork. This lets us put her to bed a little earlier than we otherwise would, which means I can usually get some good alone time in during the evening hours. This can help if my daytime down time is cut short. :)

 

I host limited playdates. Apologies to anyone I know who reads this, but the last multifamily playdate I hosted left me horribly, horribly drained and out of sorts. NOT a good plan, for me. Next time I want to facilitate something like it, we'll be going to a park or similar, definitely.

 

And yes, sometimes I wish there was a support group!

[KristenS]

Sign me up for the support group. :)

 

I agree, that mandated rest time is a big help. On days where it doesn't happen, I get realllllly cranky.

 

(And I do deal with depression/anxiety, so the rest time is Absolutely Essential around here.)

 

We do a few playdates ... I've got a nice calm friend whose kids play well with mine so we sometimes get together after storytime when we can, and I've got another friend who comes to watch my kids so I can get a break (and they can get a break from me, LOL). That helps. And we only go to the co-op events I know I can handle. What with church and scouts and all, that's plenty. My husband does his share of the work too, which helps a lot.

 

I've also learned to schedule things according to my stressors ... nothing around PMS week, for example, and I make sure that I don't pile too much on any one week (if it can be helped). Trial and error has helped us find our limits as a family (I'm sure it will keep changing every year), and I try to guard those limits.

 

I keep hoping my kids will grow up to be addicted bookworms like I was ... lots more quiet then ... but they are only 7 and 4 now, so it will be awhile...

[Starr]

We had an hour a day in your own room. This was mostly with books and on the bed. Sometimes after 1/2 an hour they could play quietly on the floor. We all needed a break from each other.

[oliveview]

I think the afternoon "quiet time" is like the idea that when a plane is going down, Mom must give herself the oxygen first so she has the strength to save her child. It's that important.

 

:iagree:

 

I was drowning emotionally until we started this.

[prairiegirl]

We do quiet time here and it saves my sanity.

 

I still struggle with playdates. I don't mind going to someone's house or taking my kids somewhere but the thought of having to invite someone over makes me hyperventilate. My struggle isn't with having them in my house 'cause I like visiting with the other moms. My problem is in the actual asking. I think I am afraid of rejection or some silly thing like that. We get together quite regularly with another hs family and we get along really well, so this is enough for me right now.

[Erica in PA]

I have young ones 3 and 5yo. They are noisy. We are homeschooling. How do you carve out your needed hour (minutes) of quiet time if you are seriously introverted? If I am not left alone for 30-60 minutes during daylight hours, I will either feel irritated and get mad (which requires even more time to de-stress from) or zone out (not ever as gratifying or refreshing as 30 minutes of silence, and way more time consuming). Being left exposed to noise and commotion on end would probably lead me into depression or anxiety.

 

Next question: If you are way introverted, how compelled do you feel to host playdates or co-ops at your house? I don't even like going to big playdates at others' homes. It's been a while since I've have kids here -- maybe 1 year. Honestly, I don't even like staying at home indoors all morning with just my two if I don't have an activity mapped out. We do see other kids frequently. I prefer meeting at outdoor parks and pools to anything else.

 

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

 

Q#1: My kids (ages 13, 8, and 6) have "quiet time" every afternoon for at least one hour, for reading or napping. We live in an apartment and we all need that quiet time apart. I also send the kids outside to play for at least 1-2 hours per day. And I take a 30 minute walk/run on my own too. I could still use more time on my own, but that's the most I can get most days.

 

Q#2. When my kids were your kids' ages, we did playdates regularly only with a couple of my very best friends. We did co-ops when my oldest turned 6, and I like them, even though they exhaust me totally by the end of the day. I wouldn't want to host one myself though-- I prefer the larger ones that are organized by someone else.

 

Q#3. I had to laugh at this one a bit, sorry! Just the thought of getting together for a introverted parents support group stuck me as a little oxymoronic!! :001_smile: No, I like to avoid joining any sort of group whenever possible-- though I do appreciate hearing from others online who feel the same way I do.

[Ellie]

I have young ones 3 and 5yo. They are noisy. We are homeschooling. How do you carve out your needed hour (minutes) of quiet time if you are seriously introverted? If I am not left alone for 30-60 minutes during daylight hours, I will either feel irritated and get mad (which requires even more time to de-stress from) or zone out (not ever as gratifying or refreshing as 30 minutes of silence, and way more time consuming). Being left exposed to noise and commotion on end would probably lead me into depression or anxiety.

Early bedtimes for the dc, naps during the day, getting up before they do in the morning. Also, remember that they won't always be 3 and 5. There will come a time when they'll be old enough to spend time quietly in their bedrooms, or outside, without your supervision (especially if you work on that now).

 

Next question: If you are way introverted, how compelled do you feel to host playdates or co-ops at your house? I don't even like going to big playdates at others' homes. It's been a while since I've have kids here -- maybe 1 year. Honestly, I don't even like staying at home indoors all morning with just my two if I don't have an activity mapped out. We do see other kids frequently. I prefer meeting at outdoor parks and pools to anything else.

Not the least bit compelled.

 

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

How would that work??:D

[5wolfcubs]

Third question: If you are an introverted parent, have you ever wished for an introverted parents support group?

 

This board is an introverted parents support group! :)

 

I used to feel I needed 2 hours after my children went to bed, to be up and all by myself because I never got that alone time during the day. I guess I still feel the need, because even though my 12 & 14yo go to bed at the same time I do -- we aren't usually doing something together!

 

Here is a no-stress, cyber :grouphug: !

[Tutor]

Question 1: My kids range in age from 5-12 and I still have a 1 hours quiet time every day where everyone must be on their own beds and quiet. Usually the 5yo and 12 yo sleep and everyone else reads.

 

Question 2: I don't feel compelled at all to do coops. We go to park day and the library once a week and they have evening activities (Scouts, sports, etc) that dh and I alternate involvement in.

 

Question 3: Yes. :001_smile:

[CalicoKat]

yes!

 

7 pm bedtime for all kids. The expectation is that this is room time. Read, listen to books or musuc, sleep, or play quietly. Mom and Dad need time off.

 

Afternoon quiet time. I usually lay on the couch. They're all parked on the floor or lazy chairs. It's time to be quiet for 60 minutes and to read or sleep. Usually at 1 p.m. or so. I put the baby up in her crib for this.

 

After dinner is over I usually get up from the table and head upstairs for a Mom's quiet moment. 30 minutes is a good break for me to recoop while they're cleaning up after dinner. DH supervises the workflow.

[Mommy22alyns]

Quiet reading time is my best friend. You can make it just quiet play time until they learn how to read. Set the timer (I'm stretching it to get 45 minutes) and tell them they can color, read, look at books, do puzzles, etc. but nothing else until the timer goes off. They also need the break from each other around that time of day.

 

And I don't feel at all compelled to host anything. My kids get plenty of playtime with other kids at playgrounds or whatever. But I'm not hosting a thing.

 

And I'd love an introverted parents support group, but then I probably wouldn't go because I'm too introverted. :001_huh: Like, have your kids play but don't feel like you have to make small talk with the other mommies? But that's not much of a group. LOL! Yeah, I guess that wouldn't work out too well. :D

[WTMCassandra]

This board is an introverted parents support group! :)

 

 

:iagree:

[KidsHappen]

This board is an introverted parents support group! :)

 

 

:iagree: This is my support group and I one of the main reasons I love it here is that I don't have to physically interact with other people. :tongue_smilie:

[KidsHappen]

On the MBTI, I score 100% introverted. I find it physically painful to spend too much time with people, like maybe Aspie spectrum painful. I manage to get my quiet time twice a day. About 9:00 at night, I announce, "Mom is officially off duty now. Do not bother me unless it is an emergency!" I also usually get up before my kids so I get some quiet time then to drink my coffee, plan my day and such. Now that I will have two in PS, I imagine that my morning quiet time will have to be after I get them off to school.

 

I do force myself to host playdates and occassionally take kids on activities. I have also, much to my bewilderment, somehow become the neighborhood Kool-Aid (or other non-controversial beverage) and cookie mom. When the rucus gets to be too much I send them outside. I am so looking forward to school starting though because that limits the available playtime to about an hour a day. :001_smile: