What would you choose for your life??

[BMW]

When I was young (from age 6 until 18) I really wanted to be a mom and have a baby. I just loved dolls and thinking about having babies! Along with that I wanted to be a teacher. I really, really enjoyed when my kids were little and I homeschooled them all.

 

Then they turned into teens. I currently have a 19, 17, 16, 14, 13, and 12 (not to mention the 11, 10 and 9 yr olds).

 

I really do not like being a parent right now.

 

I feel very disappointed. It's hard to not take it personally, for me, when they sneak or lie or make choices that go against how I've raised them. Fortunately it hasn't happened with all of them at once... but... each of them seems to take turns right now doing exactly what I would not want them to do...

 

So, I re-think my life long desire... Knowing what I know now... If I knew it then... would I choose to not have children? Would I choose to be a single missionary helping those who WANT help?? (aka not the teens in my home!)

 

And when these kids are grown... what then??

 

Outside of children... what do I want in life??

 

What about you? What was your life envisioned as... as you grew up? Did you live that out? What would you want to do with your life if you weren't a parent? What will you do when your children are grown??

 

What is life's purpose?? (those who know I am Christian, I understand the "we live to bring God glory" answer... but I am having a hard time knowing WHAT to DO...)

 

Thanks for listening... (and I think I'll want to be sick if I hear "well, I heard all those teenage stories... and mine are just wonderful... no troubles here!") And, yes, someone can tell me to just go to bed and get a good night's sleep....

[PollyOR]

I was never good with children, but all I ever imagined myself doing was being a mom. It bothered me that I never had a career in mind. Even now I joke that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'll be raising kids for a long time (45 and youngest is 7). It seems like my life revolves around doing what everyone else expects me to...everyone being, DH, kids, dog and cat, parents, MIL, church leaders, etc.

 

LOL! If you were looking for someone to buoy you up, I guess it isn't going to be me.

 

My oldest was a really emotional teen, but also a good, good girl. She had to get married (sigh). We never saw that one coming. Next child down is also very, very good. She has been actively battling depression for over a year. Things just haven't turned out quite like I thought they would. I try not to show my disappointment, because it makes my girls feel bad. But, it is still there brewing under the surface.

 

Raising kids reminds me of graduating from high school. Remember all the speeches and pep talks we received about how we were going to go out and conquer and/or change the world? Great things were going to happen to us. And then, well, life happened. At class reunions it is evident that most of us end up leading average lives. I think parenting is like that. When our kids are young we are fed the "they are going to do amazing things" ideas. And then, the teen years hit and we realize that our kids are going to make choices that aren't always stellar. They get tripped up just like every person that has ever walked the face of this earth. They are human.

 

But, I keep trying. I guess hope springs eternal.

 

BTW, even though my oldest and I had some tension when she got married, we are mending our relationship. Honestly she seems to be putting forth more effort than me. She visits regularly, calls me to complain about her DH ;), and has given me the honor of attending the birth of both of my grandchildren. So, they do grow up and this too shall pass. :grouphug:

[Ibbygirl]

I really wanted to be a marine biologist working with dolphins and/or whales, but that dream was dashed in college when I realized how much math I needed to pursue that degree. I went to Florida public schools my whole life so need I say how grossly underprepared I was when I got into college. I had to take 4 math classes just to bring me up to the level where I would start receiving math credits!! I took a math class every single semester (including summers) in college. It took me 4 years to get my 2 year degree all because I was so ill prepared for college by my high school. I tried and tried so hard, but eventually I had to accept that it was a dream that was out of my reach. I just couldn't get past the math requirement for my degree choice even though I always got straight A's in science and biology. :(

 

I swore that when I had kids I would do everything I could to make sure that never happened to them. I always knew that I would homeschool. My daughter sometimes complains that I give her too much math, but I always tell her what happened to me and I say to her, "this WILL NOT happen to you!" :)

[KJB]

I don't know if this will encourage you or not, but I'll tell you what I just told my 12.5 year old dd.

 

Things are rough for teens and parents because they are supposed to be. If it was smooth sailing, you wouldn't want them to leave. And worse, they wouldn't want to leave. The ways they are challenging to you (lies, sneakiness, whatever) are nature's way of separating children from their parents.

 

It's too soon to call if you did a good job. You have to wait until they are into their 30s. If they're happy and productive then, your gold. If they still struggle, there are a lot of things out of your control (biology/genetics, circumstances beyond anyone's control, etc.) you can blame it on.

 

Your parenting mission shouldn't feel like a failure. You're deep in the trenches. You can't possibly have accurate perspective on what you've accomplished when you're so in the thick of your mission. You're running the last couple of miles of a marathon. You always feel deflated and like giving up when you're close to the end but exhausted and can't yet see the finish ribbon. Reach for one of those dixie cups of water and take a sip to refresh yourself. Have faith that the finish ribbon is there up ahead and push on.

 

If what you're really asking is how to be happy and feel productive, I would ask you what your special talents are and how you can use them to contribute to the world. Do for others (not that you don't) and you will worry less about yourself and your purpose, kwim?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Linda1951]

through with it. Instead I worked as a computer operator for different companies for years , then got married had DD and stayed home to raise her and school her.

[creekland]

 

What about you? What was your life envisioned as... as you grew up? Did you live that out? What would you want to do with your life if you weren't a parent? What will you do when your children are grown??

 

 

Let's see... before 10th grade I had no idea what I wanted to do other than I knew it had to involve horses. My parents were both teachers. I swore I'd never be a teacher!

 

In 10th grade I watched a space shuttle go up, so knew I wanted to be part of something regarding space.

 

I went to college as part of AFROTC and expected to get into space science from there (Physics degree). Senior year the AF found out I had asthma (unknown to me) and kicked me out on a medical discharge. I ended up marrying my beau (this was 21 years ago), graduated, and worked in a private industry lab.

 

Kids (3) came along and I opted to stay home to raise them. I never liked young children... fortunately, feelings changed with my own...

 

When they went to school and hubby started his own business (11 years ago) I started substitute teaching. I found I really liked teaching - as long as it was high school level and math/science related. I kept at it even when we no longer needed the income. I'm still doing it. I also discovered our ps wasn't up to par with what I wanted for my own kids, so once the oldest hit 9th grade we pulled all 2 out to homeschool.

 

Fast forward to today... I homeschool 3 teens, substitute teach at our local high school (closest I get to my science career), we do have ponies (25 currently, but deliver 2 to a new home today) but I don't enjoy them like I used to since I've gotten older and heavier, and we live on a farm. Just last week I was telling hubby if ANYONE had said this is what we'd be doing 20+ years down the road after we were married I'd have thought they were crazy... but I love it (most days). Once in a while I have a wistfulness for the high tech future I had wanted, but then I look at all I have here and feel thankful.

 

For future? Once the boys all go to college I might work full time for a couple of years as we build more in finances, then hubby and I want to travel full time either in a Class B motorhome or on a sailboat. We probably will work some sort of missions into that - perhaps disaster relief.

 

Who knows what God has in our future though.

[katemary63]

I have often come to moments in my parenting career when the agony I felt deep inside, the worry, the personal hurt, FELT like it was not worth it. I have gone out into the middle of my horse pasture where no one could hear me and screamed at the top of my lungs, crying out to God, "Help me! Help me understand this! Help my baby do the right thing. Help him understand the truth! Help me not to feel this pain!" Then I bawled my head off for 30 minutes.

 

That was 2 years ago. The 22 year old "baby" is right now, sleeping on my couch. (fell asleep watching tv) Yesterday he hugged me and told me he loved me. I know I couldn't live without him. Yes, it is worth it. Oh my goodness, it is worth it. I also know there will be more moments like those above in my life. But all in all, my three grown children are still what I live for and a tremendous source of joy.

 

I am anxiously awaiting Grandchildren. I think it will be the same. I think I will be overwhelmed with joy to be able to love them. I also think there will be times when I am crying out on my little old knees for God to help them. With the love, comes the pain. I wish it weren't so, but I totally understand how you feel and I'm sorry it hurts right now. :grouphug:

[Melinda]

I always dreamed of opening a special needs learning center for kids with LDs, autism, and gifted children.

 

I went to school for music therapy/elementary education, but dropped out before I finished.

 

I have also always wanted to live on an organic, off-the-grid co-op farm with a horse and dog breeding/training facility on my property.

 

Then again, I sold my art (paintings/drawings/sculpture) for a while.

 

I used to be a professional photographer, which was another dream of mine.

 

I have also always wanted to be a writer of juvenile fiction and an author/illustrator of children's books.

 

Back to the art, I was making custom children's clothing and handmade greeting cards for a while, but don't have much time for that stuff now that I am a FT HSing mom.

 

So for me...*LOTS* of dreams, too many choices, and things in my life seem to go in seasons. It's like I work hard to get really good at something and then I become bored by it pretty much as soon as I am becoming successful with it. I get restless...not sure why.

 

I have no idea what I will do when my kids are grown and gone. That is probably when we will move to a farm and retire. DH and I were talking about this the other day...if we do not have any more children and I continue to HS them until they graduate at 18, Nathan will be done with high school in the spring of 2026 which will put me at 45 and DH at 54.

 

I may pursue my degree at that point and start working on my learning center, but not sure.

[Melinda]

Sorry I rambled with my post...I am so sorry you are dealing with hard-to-get-along-with teenagers right now.

 

As far as life's purpose goes, besides coming to earth to get a body, meet our mate, and make righteous choices, I think the purpose of our being here is enjoying ourselves. Make the best choices you can and enjoy your life. Find something you are passionate about and delve into it. Make time for yourself. Once a day, do something just for you -- take a hot bath or work on a project *you* want to do, or whatever.

 

I'm sorry and I hope things improve quickly.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[iquilt]

I thought I would be a teacher so that I could be a fun mom in the summer and still have a career. Now that I've been home for so long, however, I've become too attached to homeschooling year round. Also, I've discovered the joy of one on one tutoring; my numbers are way better than in a classroom!

[Pamela H in Texas]

BMW, do you feel better this morning? I think that is important. If you can wake up the next day (or at least the next week) and feel a little better.

 

I have thought how different life would have been had I not gotten pregnant at 17 (then 18 and 19 though the last one was with help). In my case, that probably would have meant I didn't have any children. When I was little, I just wanted 2-4. As I got older, I wanted 6+. It just didn't happen. I wanted a situation like yours (well, at least in terms of ages of kids).

 

I know there would have been stressful times here and there, but I think I could figure out how to compartmentalize it a bit realizing how absolutely wonderful it still is being their mom. You really haven't made your kids sound horrendous. Maybe it IS just about figuring out how to see it? For example, if you were to make a timeline of each kid, how much of the teen part has any real issue for an individual person? It seems like that could get overwhelming if you put all the timelines together, but if you parse each one out, is it so bad? And can you think "though I'm this close to stringing this one up by his toenails, thankfully the rest of them are in a calm time right now"???

 

Anyway, so what would I have done had I not had children? Because of when I started, SO many things changed. I was in the process of joining a service academy when I got my preg test. I also was consider top tier schools (though my writing ability is atrocious). I had researched biomedical engineering and a few other things though I had always wanted to be "just a teacher." Would I be the same religion (I converted as an adult)? Would I see things the same? Would I be terribly depressed (because of not having children)? Would I have adopted? Would I have traveled the world? I know for sure I wouldn't be with my hubby since my getting with him was directly related to situations tied to having children as a teen.

 

Anyway, but I always feel like I'd feel empty. It was HARD being the mom of a child with some special needs, esp developmental/neurobiological issues. Sometimes it still is. But I can't imagine not having these kids. I can't imagine feeling anything but a hole (hence the depression above).

 

And since you're probably over "I'll be sick about it" this morning. I have to say that I LOVE being the parent of teens. And my teens are absolutely wonderful. But yours probably are also. Try not to look at the whole, but each individual. How much of their individual lives is really dragging you down. Push that amount of each into the box and deal with that. But notice the other 90some percent of the time when each is just a joy. And don't stuff that part in a box. Let that part hang out :)

 

Hope you're feeling better this morning :)

[Peela]

I sort of thought I would be a mother but it wasnt a goal, and I was surprised to have a 2nd child. After that I wanted more but dh wasnt willing. I had never really considered or planned on being a mother and didnt realise how much I would love it.

My goals were more along the lines of being a writer, or a naturopath. I got my naturopathic diploma....but ended up homeschooling instead.

 

My kids are teens and I am seeing that this intense childrearing season will actually end in a few years. My mind is drfting to what I might like to do. Maybe go back into naturopathy. Maybe write. My husband always likes to say it will mean I can just be with him much more.

 

I dont feel unfulfilled. I have a tendency to feel that unless one has a career one is wasting one's life, but that is conditioning from my grandmother in particular and I have fought against it. I dont think its true, its just a stubborn feeling that is hard to shake. I may just do nothing in particular and see what happens. I dont have any burning desires to do anything. I do want to give, to be of service, to live for a greater goal than my own happiness, but I dont know how that will actually play out.

[Danestress]

Having kids or marrying were not no my radar as a child. I was not the kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding day or named her children in advance. I also didn't have major career ambitions when I was young. I just wanted my own apartment.

 

Obviously, I don't have what I wanted, but I have something that eventually I wanted more.

 

For me, living with 10 other people would be hard under any circumstances. That's just a lot of people. The more people in a household, the more relationships. I think there are 55 individual relationships in your household. There's going to be some conflict, especially since all of them are of the age to really assert their will.

 

(((((BMW)))) I hope a good night's sleep was helpful.

[Night Elf]

I feel very disappointed. It's hard to not take it personally, for me, when they sneak or lie or make choices that go against how I've raised them.

 

My personal thoughts: my children are as unique as I was/am. I did not always do what my parents wanted. I had my own opinions, feelings, and ideas and truly resented when those things were suppressed and redirected by the adults in my life. I distinctly remember much of the changes taking place as I was a teenager. They were preparing me for an adulthood that made sense to them. Dreams were as fleeting and untangible as clouds and I was specifically directed not to chase them.

 

While I have happiness in some areas of my life, I am unhappy about it as a whole. I followed my mom's expectations because I never wanted to hurt her feelings. I'm almost incapable of making decisions on my own and need the authority figure in my life, my mom when I was younger and my husband now, to tell me what's best for me. And I am so disappointed that they don't know and can't tell me. It's very easy to blame them for my unhappiness even though I know I shouldn't.

 

So, I re-think my life long desire... Knowing what I know now... If I knew it then... would I choose to not have children?

 

I had the same aspirations as you did, wanting children and a teaching job. I've learned along the way that being a parent is the hardest job I've ever done and ever will do in my life, and I absolutely love it. I think you might want to go over your expectations. Are you saying that now you've discovered that being a parent isn't ideal, you should have been something different like a missionary. Is being a missionary easy and without challenges? Do you really think that missionaries only help those who WANT help and that every day will go smoothly? I would imagine a missionary's job is to help people see that change is needed in their lives no matter how overwhelming it can be.

 

I have no regrets about having my children. I do regret having a much smaller family than I wanted. That decision was taken out of my hands by my husband, the authority figure in my life. He did and still continues to believe that it's the best decision for us and that eventually I'll come to realize that. It's been 10 years and I'm still waiting for that realization.

 

What about you? What was your life envisioned as... as you grew up? Did you live that out? What would you want to do with your life if you weren't a parent? What will you do when your children are grown??

 

I didn't have big dreams. I wasn't allowed to have them. My mom always brought my head back to the reality of who we were and where we belonged. We were a white lower middle class working family struggling to get by. I've lived out some of my mom's wants for me. I am not presently happy because I'm not where I want to be. I have no idea what I will do when my children are grown. I feel they are grown enough that they no longer need me like they did as younger kids. But I have zero direction in what to do. I'm still trying to grasp that my wants were and have been considered nonsensical. I've looked into school but can't find a major I want to study or a job I want to work towards. I've looked into working outside the home but my DH and kids really want me home. So still, my life is directed from the people around me rather than from my self-will.

 

What is life's purpose??

 

I don't know, and I didn't know when I was a Christian either. I finally decided it was way too much pressure to come up with an answer. I float from day to day waiting for an epiphany.

[babs]

In fact, I was just asking my husband last night why it was that we had children...and 4 to boot!

 

My best friend and I decided to become lawyers when we were in 7th grade. We talked about it constantly. My family thought this was perfect for me as I just loved to argue. So I did - I got into a GREAT law school. I landed a fantastic law clerkship. I then got a job as a business/tax lawyer and as I commuted to work daily I thought it was so futile! I would read about the major deals I was working on in the business section of the newspaper and I just thought it was all like chasing the wind! I got pregnant and had to do bedrest and my career came to a screeching halt (Whew!) I have stayed home with my dc ever since that day in August when I went into pre-term labor.

 

I do not have special needs children. They all seem to learn just fine - I can see different giftings and talents that the Lord has worked into them. I remember how enthusiastic I was when we first discovered homeschooling...those were the days! But I also was like a teacher on steriods - really trying to get too much accomplished. I remember sharing all my wonderful curriculum choices with a dear sister in Christ one year at the convention. After I finished, she said, "You do know that there is a child at the other end of all this, don't you?!"

 

My oldest is just recently a teenager and questioning EVERYTHING I ask of him. ARGH! And the absolute UNENTHUSIASTIC response drives me nuts. He is never openly defiant or outright rude - it is his unspoken sullen attitude that I am referring to here. I really don't enjoy him most days - which makes me feel so guilty. I am praying a whole lot more - really digging into scripture for specific prayers to cover him. Not seeing a major change.

 

Everyone is always so impressed when they hear my credentials - attorney, wow! But honestly, if I had my life to do over, I would never have gone to law school. It was not my cup of tea. And my worst days as a parent are still better than my best days as a lawyer because my investment is eternal. The days that I remember I am not waking up to a life, but, rather, to a war help me to see my circumstances and my people with better perspective. Wars are ugly and usually drawn out. And I have been given a special commission as a mother. I can pray with greater impact for my children than anyone else on the planet because the Lord has given me authority over them.

 

It seems as if there is more talk of these being the end times in Christian circles that I run in. At the very least, it seems that many Americans believe that we are headed into hard times. People are handling it differently - some are stocking up food, guns and other provisions. Some are downsizing for more financial stability. I am not sure what lies ahead. but I do know that whatever it is - end times, economic depression or just a rocky road with teenagers, that I can and must make the Lord my first place to turn. Prayer is a powerful weapon in this war we call life. (A good night's sleep does not hurt either.)

 

I shall end with a story. My second son was born in an emergency c-section 6 weeks early. It was scary and even more so when he came out with a huge hematoma that covered the back of his skull like a black yarmuleka. His face was swollen and he cried out in pain when I tried to hold him those first few days. They ran an MRI only to find out he had suffered a bleed in the brain during his birth. I remember standing helplessly by his isolette before the MRI and looking at his bruised and battered face with tears in my eyes. His wonderful pediatrician (fellow Christian) took my hands from across the isolette and prayed with me over him. A few days later a specialist (peds neurologist) came to discuss his case with me in my hospital room. The basic prognosis was: We don't know if or the extent of brain damage he has. I asked many questions which did not give me much concrete information. She was leaving and her hand was on the door and I called out desperately one more question, "What can I do for him in the meantime to increase his chances for a complete recovery?" She paused, looked at me and answered, "Love him and enjoy him." So simple. I go back to this all the time. As I plan school this year, I am trying to make that the main point - to love and enjoy each and every blessing. Love sometimes is the tough part - saying no or getting up early to pray again and again. Enjoying them is the hardest part - I have to slow way down to do this. Get off the roller coaster the world presents and just be there with them. (BTW, he is 100% fine and a total joy to be with every day. He has a scar, which reminds me of the Lord's provision in his life.)

 

Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful questions. Really made me think. I am going to pray for you this morning, fellow soldier and sister in Christ.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I was never good with children, but all I ever imagined myself doing was being a mom. It bothered me that I never had a career in mind. Even now I joke that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'll be raising kids for a long time (45 and youngest is 7). It seems like my life revolves around doing what everyone else expects me to...everyone being, DH, kids, dog and cat, parents, MIL, church leaders, etc.

 

LOL! If you were looking for someone to buoy you up, I guess it isn't going to be me.

 

My oldest was a really emotional teen, but also a good, good girl. She had to get married (sigh). We never saw that one coming. Next child down is also very, very good. She has been actively battling depression for over a year. Things just haven't turned out quite like I thought they would. I try not to show my disappointment, because it makes my girls feel bad. But, it is still there brewing under the surface.

 

Raising kids reminds me of graduating from high school. Remember all the speeches and pep talks we received about how we were going to go out and conquer and/or change the world? Great things were going to happen to us. And then, well, life happened. At class reunions it is evident that most of us end up leading average lives. I think parenting is like that. When our kids are young we are fed the "they are going to do amazing things" ideas. And then, the teen years hit and we realize that our kids are going to make choices that aren't always stellar. They get tripped up just like every person that has ever walked the face of this earth. They are human.

 

But, I keep trying. I guess hope springs eternal.

 

BTW, even though my oldest and I had some tension when she got married, we are mending our relationship. Honestly she seems to be putting forth more effort than me. She visits regularly, calls me to complain about her DH ;), and has given me the honor of attending the birth of both of my grandchildren. So, they do grow up and this too shall pass. :grouphug:

 

I could have written a post very similar to this one.

 

To the OP: I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of life too, in the last few years.

 

When I look at my children and my life, I realize they are so much like me. Each one of them has at least one of my good traits AND one of my bad. The only thing they don't have that I do is the benefit of maturity and experience. They can't understand why I get frustrated seeing them make mistakes that I know will cause problems for them later. To a child, seeing your parent frustrated is almost comical.

 

So, I tell stories instead. I tell stories about mistakes that I made, and mistakes that my parents and my brothers made, and the consequences. Seeing and hearing how things impacted the lives of those close to them is a learning experience that they don't forget. Nothing sobered my two oldest boys like their sister coming home from college pregnant.

 

When kids get to a certain age all that is left for us to do is set boundaries and consequences. And talk, talk, talk. We eventually lose our power to physically stop them from doing stupid things.

 

It's enough to make us feel helpless. But our parents somehow let go of us (mostly). I find that amazing. At this point in my life, my mother is one of the best friends I have. I finally understand her, and I try to undo some of the damage I did to our relationship when I was younger. I still could not live with her, but I am now willing to listen and learn what she wants to teach me. She still cares what happens to me.

 

All that to say: What is our purpose in life? Here are some things attributed to the wisest man that ever lived: 1.Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with thy might. 2.There is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his own works. 3. Respect God and keep his commandments. 4. Remember the grave is coming.

 

I know the last one is not what we want to think about, but maybe we should. Don't we say to people "What would you do if you only had one year to live?" So why do we live as though we are not going to die some day? Wouldn't we want to enjoy the little life left to us and express our love and care to those around us? Why is one year different from the possible 25 or so years left? Sure our spirits may be eternal, but this is the only physical life that God has given us. This should not depress us, but rather motivate us to do what we can now, while we have the chance.

 

Sometimes I like to think of God as being like Bobby McFerrin singing "Don't worry, be happy." :D

 

I hope you can get something out of my randomness.

[lynn]

Exactly what I am doing right now. Being a wife and mother and enjoying everything it has to offer. I hated being a child I couldn't wait to be grown up having my own family, my own home. Love it. I find joy in it every day, some days I will admit I have to look harder.

Edited July 31, 2009 by lynn

[Dirtroad]

With a baby on the way near by 42 birthday, I may be too old by the time she graduates to care!:lol:

 

As for life... I never wanted children & never planned to get married. But at 31, the plan changed. When I was about 26, God moved so many things in an order that I couldn't miss & put so many people in my life who I couldn't ignore.... my entire worldview and outlook changed. My path curved from "my plan". I am happy with my current life & hope I am giving my kids the best I can & am teaching them to be productive, bright, active people. I guess I will see what curve God sends as my children graduate and move away. But... I do have some fun things I want to do (and maybe some can be done before kids are gone)...

 

I do want to return to Scotland for a summer... and get a tour of Germany, rural France, Ireland, and Holland... maybe a few others.

 

I want to find more ways to help my beautiful friends in Haiti who live in such hard conditions... but with little kids, I can't seem to manage it all today... hoping soon I can help more.

 

I want an RV and to see the USA! Problem is DH wants a big field, tractor, and nice front porch.:001_huh: Guess I will send him postcards.:lol:

Edited July 31, 2009 by Dirtroad

[BMW]

Thanks... I wish I could report back that I got a great night sleep... but, I didn't... and then the young boys, who are the ones taking their turn right now keeping me up late with nonsense, woke me up at 5am!

 

But... perspective... If this were my last week, what would I want for my home life?? And although we are dealing with a lot of issues, we are all healthy. I know there are a lot of parents who would rather have teen issues than see their child suffer from illness/disease...

 

So, I'll have one son help with laundry, since he didn't stay dry, I've already wiped up a dog accident (thankful we don't have carpet!), muffins are in the oven... there's a lot to do today, but I think I'll find time for a nap and wash my hair... and make a thankful list...

 

And with that said... I should be thankful that so far only 1 teen broke one of the top 3 rules (well, kind of 2 out of the 3, but that was a few years ago!)... and the others are just taking turns thinking how dumb I am and that I am out to mess up their lives with having to know where they are and who they are with and what the phone numbers are...

[Kimm in WA]

(((BMW)))

 

I recommend reading Age of Opportunity by Tripp. Great perspective on parenting teens.

[Lovedtodeath]

Well, I never wanted to have kids. :lol:

[Luanne]

I wanted to have at least 4 children. I wasn't even aware of homeschooling back then. I'm sure if I had been I would have wanted to. I have one child and am a storage unit manager now. Of course, my life plan didn't include 3 bad marriages (ending in 3 divorces) and me pretty much being on my own to deal with stuff (money wise and raising a child alone).

 

There definitely have been times when I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have been a mother (even to the one I have), but fortunately those times passed and I am glad now that I have my daughter.

 

I do understand where you are coming from though.

[BMW]

Okay... a good nap... some panda express and I ready to deal with teen lives again! bring it on! (phew, thanks for helping me through my melt down)

[Scuff]

You can't take it personally when they are acting out. They're just human and will sometimes make bad choices. They're trying to figure out who they are right now. (I know, easy for me to say as mine are all young. But I remember what it's like to be a teen)

[elegantlion]

 

So, I re-think my life long desire... Knowing what I know now... If I knew it then... would I choose to not have children? Would I choose to be a single missionary helping those who WANT help?? (aka not the teens in my home!)

 

And when these kids are grown... what then??

 

Outside of children... what do I want in life??

 

What about you? What was your life envisioned as... as you grew up? Did you live that out? What would you want to do with your life if you weren't a parent? What will you do when your children are grown??

 

What is life's purpose?? (those who know I am Christian, I understand the "we live to bring God glory" answer... but I am having a hard time knowing WHAT to DO...)

.

 

Well I supposed to be sitting in an archaeological dig in Egypt with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. AT least that was the plan, until I realized how much college was going to cost to do that and that my parents couldn't afford to help at all. It all seemed so out of reality then.

 

I never wanted children, I played with Hot Wheels and basketballs. I really had planned on traveling for many years and my dh enjoys it just as much as I do, although he would never sit still to do a dig.

 

I love my child, he is awesome and I am so glad he is here. My discontent comes from thinking what a parent was "supposed" to do, settle down, put down roots, buy a house, be stable.

 

If we had it to do over we would never buy a house, we'd throw the kiddo in a backpack and travel with him. Our house is the the ball and chain around my ankle (or neck depending on the day). :glare:

 

I still want to photograph and write, but the dream to dig in Egypt has gone by the wayside, and I hope to do some of that once ds is done with school. Maybe before.

[TxMama]

Personally I had a very, very hard time being a stay at home mom. Mentally I just wasn't in a good place. Working outside the home in a career I love part-time forces my family to pitch in a bit around the house but I'm much, much happier.

 

"If mama ain't happy, nobody is happy":lol:

 

Find your happy and let those pesky teens run the house! You deserve it. You have plenty of teens to help out with housework/cooking/errands so it should free up time for you to study/work/find your happy. The bonus will be that your teens will be more independant when they leave your home and you should encourage them to do so!

 

Don't get me wrong..... I LOVE my kids. I just like being a MOM more when I get to go be something else for a couple days per week.

 

One last thing.....don't take it personally when your kids make mistakes. They are human just like us and making mistakes is just part of growing up. Let them find their way while you lead the example by finding yours!

[MamaT]

I had big plans to be a famous journalist. In high school I was selected as one of 100 students from around to world to go to DC for a week. Interviewed Supreme Court justices, met the VP, spent a day with my Senator, went on T.V., etc. I never, ever wanted children. I got a full academic scholarship to college, and then met my dh.

 

God had other plans for me and I didn't finish college until I was 9 months pregnant with ds #3 (and it wasn't in journalism).

 

My teens all have given me rough times when I thought I had failed terribly. My oldest even declared to me at one point that he didn't believe in God. My heart was broken. He eventually searched until all his questions were answered and now loves God with all his heart and has started a non-profit as a ministry while he is in college.

 

All we can do is teach them, train them the best we can and know that the HS will cause it to take root. They will remember what is deep down when they need to. Hang in there. Teen years are HARD. The fruit of all those years you've invested in your children will eventually show up. God really is faithful.

[tricia]

Geee, your children came fast!!:auto: I can relate. Don't know if you want to hear that or not but even though I have a few more children than you I have to say that I have never had that many teens at once. YET!! My five youngest children will be like that. Right now they are 11,11,9,6,and 3. My teens are 19,16, and 14. I think the hardest was when I had 3 of our girls at 18, 17, and 15. I don't really know what I am trying to say here other than at one time I've only had to deal with about 3 punks. The others would either be older or younger!!:tongue_smilie:

 

What will I do when they are all grown. Well, my dear children inform me that I will be homeschooling their children.:001_smile: Which is fine, anything to keep them from public school.

[Catherine]

I wanted to go to college, to have babies, and I did both. I work part time as a doctor on the weekends, and I have 3 (4 if my live in nephew is counted) children that are all schooling at home right now.

 

But I so know what you are talking about with teens. It is very hard. Mine makes me cry regularly-he did today. He is having a real hard time still being a kid and still living with the limits childhood naturally imposes. He is an expert at pushing my buttons but 16 years of practice at it haven't made it one bit easier for me.

 

Make time to spend just enjoying your teens. Have fun with them and when you are try to forget the crap. That will always be there but it's easier if you can find ways to enjoy their company too. Hugs.

[Susan in KY]

I think after they are teenagers, they become your friends again. Then eventually you are old and gray and see that everything turned out somehow or other. Little grandkids come along and all is fresh again. :-) I'm not at your space, but I am still looking forward to the grands.

 

And, incidentally, I managed to do everything I wanted to do before kids, and still it wasn't all I thought it would be. I've come to the trite conclusion that it's all about the process of getting to the end a different person than you were when you began, not about the end itself.

[jujsky]

So far, I love being a parent. I'm doing exactly what I always wanted to do. Mine aren't teens yet, but we have a very difficult, special-needs child, so it hasn't been a walk in the park for us.

 

When they're grown, I really think I'd like to get into flipping houses. DH is uncertain about the future of the computer industry here since so many jobs are outsourced. He loves working with his hands, and unlike most couples, we don't fight when we do home improvement projects. We get along really well, and that's only emphasized when we have a project to do together. We've done so much on our house. He has the know-how to do most of the major work, and I can walk into a house and see the potential, so we would make a great team.

[kalanamak]

 

What is life's purpose??

 

"We are here to help others. What others are here for, I cannot say."

 

When my nest is "empty", I'll be in my 60's, and am hoping for a *very* quiet life... neatness, a tiny house, a cottage garden and books, books, books. I have had a decidedly unleisurely adulthood, and am looking forward to naps, no pagers, no screaming people, no hopeless cases I can do little for, other than my own :).

[Ibbygirl]

I had big plans to be a famous journalist. In high school I was selected as one of 100 students from around to world to go to DC for a week. Interviewed Supreme Court justices, met the VP, spent a day with my Senator, went on T.V., etc. I never, ever wanted children. I got a full academic scholarship to college, and then met my dh.

 

God had other plans for me and I didn't finish college until I was 9 months pregnant with ds #3 (and it wasn't in journalism).

 

My teens all have given me rough times when I thought I had failed terribly. My oldest even declared to me at one point that he didn't believe in God. My heart was broken. He eventually searched until all his questions were answered and now loves God with all his heart and has started a non-profit as a ministry while he is in college.

 

All we can do is teach them, train them the best we can and know that the HS will cause it to take root. They will remember what is deep down when they need to. Hang in there. Teen years are HARD. The fruit of all those years you've invested in your children will eventually show up. God really is faithful.

 

 

What a beautiful post!! Thank you so much, Tammy, for your inspirational words. :grouphug: You made me remember that verse in 1 Corinthians 3:6 where one sows, another waters but God gives the increase. :)

[LivingHope]

I am thankful to God for being sufficient when I am not. I hope this is an encouragement to the original poster:

 

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as of ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God (2 Corinthians 3:5)

 

 

Janell

[PiCO]

... (and I think I'll want to be sick if I hear "well, I heard all those teenage stories... and mine are just wonderful... no troubles here!") And, yes, someone can tell me to just go to bed and get a good night's sleep....

 

Well, I love teenagers. No, mine is not perfect. Sounds like I have the same problems you have, only I have one teen instead of a houseful.

 

The reason I love teenagers is they are mini-adults. Treat them like adults, and they will seek you out for advise. Treat them like children, and they will want to be as far from you as possible.

 

When my dd turned 13, I had a talk with her about what it means to be grown up. I let her have more control over her life each year, and by the time she's 16 I expect her to make most of her own decisions. I encourage her to get advise from adults (me included), but the decisions are hers. This way, she has 2 years of living at home to practice making good decisions.

 

Anyway, if your relationships with your teenagers are not going well, it might help to re-examine the relationships. Ask them what they want. (Don't necessarily do what they want, just get their perspective.) Good luck!

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

this too shall pass....

 

remember the diaper years. how many DID you have in diapers at once?!

and then one day, the last one was out of diapers (just when you thought you could not stand to see another diaper ever!)

 

remember when they got up in the middle of the night and you never got to sleep?

 

remember when they wouldn't eat their food if anything on the plate touched anything else and sauce contaminated everything?

 

this too shall pass....

 

(and thinking ahead to what you might like to do when they've fledged is a healthy and great thing to do!)

 

some wise person once said that the reason people weren't born as teenagers was because no one would have one!

 

and in defence of my two who have been teens and are now in their twenties, some days are diamonds... (some days are coal...). with that many all at once you're bound to have mixed days each and every day. relish the diamond moments as they come, wash off the coal dust...

 

i have two tweens just moments away from teenagehood, and i keep saying to dh... i remember this part.... i HATE this part.... sort of like being in labour and hitting transition.... which this is, of a different sort.

 

:grouphug:

 

you can do this, for today.

 

ann