Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Diva is playing soccer for the first time this year. What was first a fantastic time is quickly becoming a problem. Diva loves to play. She's not the best player, but she's always out there, trying her best. She doesn't care in the slightest that her team has yet to win a game, shes just out there, loving every minute. She's not the problem. Her attitude is wonderful, and she's improving her skills by the game. The problem is one of her teammates...and the coach. Diva is a bigger girl. This teammate made his first comment to her a couple of games ago, telling her, "You're on defence. If you did YOUR job, we wouldn't be losing all the time!" Diva was in tears when she told me, and I quickly pointed out that its a TEAM game, not a one person sport, and the entire team wins or loses. The team gets scored on if she's on the field or off, and she's not the one responsible for our team not getting any goals either, is she? I then suggested that she ask her coach, who told her the same thing. Fast forward to last night. This teammate called her fat a$$, lard a$$, dumb a$$, and then shoved her a few times on the field! At the end of the game he was passing by Wolf, and Wolf told him, "You really need to treat your teammates with more respect." A few moments later, I was walking behind with Tazzie, and watched the child circle Wolf a few times on his bike, exchanging comments. Apparently, the kid told Wolf to 'Mind your own business! If it wasn't your daughter you wouldn't care!" to which Wolf replied, "I've seen how you treat all your teammates, and you need to be treating them all with more respect." The child then mouthed off again, telling him to mind his own business, and that Diva was just a tattle tale. By this point, Wolf was ready to pull the kid off his bike and give him what was likely the first spanking of his life :lol: Thankfully, my husband has much control, and simply loaded the Littles into the van, while I went and spoke to the coach about the situation. His reply? "Yeah, I noticed a few things. I'll talk to him, but he's not my kid, so there's really not much I can do. I doubt anything will change." :glare: Uh, hello?! You're the COACH! How about some discipline here? I dunno, BENCH the kid or something? Call his parents? What is even MORE ironic is that when we were driving home, Wolf commented to Diva, "See, this is the kind of thing that we home school you for...to keep you away from this stuff...remember at schoool?" She piped up, "Oh, he IS homeschooled!" I just about dropped. Maybe I'm totally whacked, or complacent, but I've come to really expect a completely different level of behaviour and discipline from homeschooled kids. All the ones I've met have been well behaved, well mannered...and had parents attending their activities, not their alone like this kid is. Give me strength...cause I don't know what's going to happen at the game tomorrow :cursing::banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 This is truly awful. We have been in soccer for 4 years and my husband is the coach of Huck's team for this reason. We have had parents make discouraging remarks and my dh has immediately addressed the issues. We had a boy on our team last season who showed horrid sportsmanship and we went immediately to the parents AFTER correcting him in front of the team (He went through the line saying, "We suck!") Addressing your particular situation, here is what I would do. First, I would bring my concerns, again, to the coach and explain to him that this type of behavior isn't tolerated. Next, if the coach does nothing, I would call the league and ask to speak with your age comissioner or other head honcho. I would explain what happened and that this is not acceptable. I would then ask what recourse will be taken and follow up. Lastly, I would encourage my child to immediately respond to negative remarks with "that isn't nice to say!" in a VERY LOUD voice so all parents can hear. The other parents may not do anything but shame goes a long way. And I would find a new team in perhaps another league if possible for the next season. Maybe you or your dh can coach? I probably wouldn't confront the other parents. It has been my experience that it just never works. FWIW, my little one doesn't want to play in the fall because the coach's son kicks him and pushes him all the time. Nothing is done about it. I've tried talking to the coach with no luck and have decided to go ahead and take the next season off and try again next spring with a different team. If I could figure out a way for my dh to coach both teams, I would. It's just a scheduling nightmare. HTH and I'm so sorry to hear what has been going on. It's so hurtful and I hope your dd can rise above and not internalize their hurtful words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I honestly don't know if Wolf could coach a team of kids Diva's age...particularily because they are so danged mouthy and difficult, a lot of them. :glare: For a team of the Littles ages, he'd have a ball, but Diva's age...:001_huh: I may pursue this further, I genuinely don't know at this point. Honestly, since Wolf spoke to the child, I have the feeling that the child will be running home to his parents with a much different story, and we may see Mom at the next game. That may prove...interesting. We shall see. I'm just hoping that my pain levels aren't what they were this evening, so I'll be able to attend. As much as she's enjoyed it, I don't know that Diva will play again. Wolf and I have discussed it, and are thinking that we will encourage her to try softball instead. She's just not good at soccer, for all her enthusiasm, and I'm afraid that the unkindness of her teammates is going to be a growing concern, not a lessening one as years pass :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 We no longer play soccer, but when we did, attitudes like this were a problem. We were with a local soccer club that was awful. We switched to the YMCA and that made a world of difference. I don't know who you play with, but if you are not with the Y and there is one near you, you may want to check them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 but I say talk to the tyrant's parents. Chances are they have no idea the crap their sweet angel boy can spew and I would give them the benefit of correcting his behavior. You have witnessed this poor behavior first hand, so you have every right to voice your concerns. It's not just a problem with how he addresses his teammates, but people in general. I would want to know if it were my kid, that's for sure. Choose to be informative and concerned rather than confrontational when you discuss this with the parents. I would also re-address the issue with the coach privately and tell him what your expectations are should this behavior happen again. Maybe gently offer up suggestions of what he can do to make an example to the rest of the team. At the very least he could bench the kid for unsportsmanlike conduct. It's sad, but sometimes coaches don't create the boundaries early enough in the season. I would definitely NOT take your daughter out of soccer especially if she really enjoys playing the game. If she is a "bigger" girl as you earlier wrote, she'll get more of a workout playing soccer than softball. I just hate to think that this one little heathen is making you decide to take her out of something she really enjoys doing. And, as you said, she's improving her skills with each game. She can always play softball the next season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in MD Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Is there another parent who is good at graciously pointing out the errors of another's ways? I've seen some of these relatively rare individuals at work, and they can often quell problems with minimal to no hard feelings. If you have one of these individuals, ask her to run interference for you. BTW, these individuals are often cheering on anyone and everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Is there another parent who is good at graciously pointing out the errors of another's ways? I've seen some of these relatively rare individuals at work, and they can often quell problems with minimal to no hard feelings. If you have one of these individuals, ask her to run interference for you. BTW, these individuals are often cheering on anyone and everyone. But Impish and her husband were the ones who witnessed the bad behavior first hand so they are the ones who should address the parents. This first hand knowledge is their ace card. They're not just defending their "little girl," KWIM? Plus, why get someone else involved in the fight? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Hey Impish...how old is your child?? This is CRAZY and I would never be ok with it....I think you should talk with the coach, share <again> what the child said...and expect some talking with the parents. Coaches rule:-) This child needs a good beating... (oops...I mean talking to) and I'm sure that either... the parents talk like that...(no hope except better control at games) or little kid thought they'd get away with saying something that one of the big kids said..... I mean...we'd be whipping our child into the van...to go do some apologizing...and while "whipping" just means ....getting them in there...they would only wish that it was just a spanking!!! They would be apologizing..... doing yard work to buy some chocolate...and finding out that when you're mean....spending your hard earned money on some good gifts...(chocolate??) is a good sign of repentance. I really am sorry...can't believe that he said such mean things.... Ok, maybe I'd be more calm....but I would hate to see my child say such ugly hurtful things and would take it VERY seriously! Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in MD Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 (edited) But Impish and her husband were the ones who witnessed the bad behavior first hand so they are the ones who should address the parents. This first hand knowledge is their ace card. They're not just defending their "little girl," KWIM? Plus, why get someone else involved in the fight? The problem is twofold. First, you ask why get someone else involved in the fight. I'm saying find someone who has the ability to defuse a fight, not egg one on. You're looking for someone who can convey needed information with (a hint?) of it's appropriateness WITHOUT setting up someones back. These individuals are relatively rare. Fights rarely solve anything and often create more problems. Second, if the child does go running to the parents with a twisted story, the parents will probably respond in one of 3 ways: they'll ignore the whole situation, they'll come asking for the other side of the story, or they'll come armed to fight. If they come asking for the other side, they're more likely to be open to seeing the damage of the situation and a third party isn't needed. If they're looking for a fight, nothing the OP says will make an impression or resolve problem. The angry parent has made up his mind, and the fight is on. That's where the 3rd party has a chance of making an impression. But it can't be contrived to back up the op, I think it would need the 3rd person to actually observe some poor behavior with the child's parents to make a comment on it. And it needs a special type of individual to carry it off. I've seen a mother gently rein in an overly aggressive father (not her dh) on the soccer field. It was helped that they knew each other from school and the team, but it was still impressive. My sister, another one with this talent, has told of shutting up critisizing adults at a college b-ball game by merely commenting that the player they were abusing was her friend. Most people would never believe my sister could be critical, but that's why she's so effective even with strangers. This is the sort of individual that could be of help in this situation. Edited June 4, 2009 by Kathy in MD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Wow.:001_huh: Let me start by saying that as a mom of 3 kids on 3 different teams last year, we had to leave one of our dc at games without a parent there occasionally. It was just physically impossible to be in three places at once. The parents may have a valid reason for not being there. That said, if one of my dc was behaving in such a way, I would want to know. I'd be mortified and wish the ground would open up and swallow me, but I'd want to know. If I don't know a behavior is happening, I can't correct it. It would be best coming from the coach. Kind of a neutral 3rd party, not what could be conceived as a momma bear overreacting. Ideally, the coach will speak with the parents and start instituting some poor sportsmanship penalties. If the kid can't be decent, he should be benched. If the kid is cruel to his teammates, the parents need a phone call. No, it's not his kid. It is the team he's in charge of however, and by not correcting this kid he's essentially saying that he cannot be trusted to protect his team, or do what is right. He could also be giving the kids the impression that he agrees with what this one bully is saying (whether he does or not, the lack of action translates to the kids that he does and that this behavior is acceptable). There needs to be a sit down talk with the coach. If he refuses to do anything - I'd pull her. I don't believe in running away when things get tough, but neither do I think leaving our kids in a situation where they are being bullied and the adults in charge do nothing is good. All the kids learn is that they can't trust authority figures to protect them. I'm sorry. We have problems with our local rec teams. I'm starting to realize that it's just not worth the angst to play with them. This year I'm looking for some county teams instead of the town team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Well, this is a community team, not a rec team. There is supposed to be a difference, in that a community team isn't supposed to have the cut throat competitive edge, teams are divided strictly according to age, not skill. We weren't the only parents to notice. The shoving happened in the middle of the game, ON THE FIELD. It wasn't done on the sidelines, after the game. Diva is 10. We're not going to pull her from the team at this point, its almost over...they don't play for very long at all. We're thinking of next year, and as much as she's enjoyed soccer (with the exception of this one teammate) we're worried for her if she wants to play again next year. Unless she suddenly becomes the willowy type and plays like Beckham, I can see the teasing just increasing. And forgive my naivety, but I'm still most shocked by this being another homeschooled child. I've really come to expect better from other homeschooled kids.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 There might have been a time that the fact the kid is homeschool would have surprised me. I know now (after many hsing years) that bad manners are found anywhere and you can't assume that people homeschool to keep their children away from bad influences that they can pick up and imitate. What shocks me most about this is the nonchalant attitude of the coach and other parents. Since this happened to your child, you have the right to expect the coach to take appropriate action. Even if it is late in the season, I would make it very clear to him that it is his responsibility to maintain a non-threatening environment. He dropped the ball - so to speak. I'd approach him again but this time with a demand that he take action if it happens again. As far as your dh getting into it with the child...that IMO is a big no-no. I would discourage dh from any back and forth from now on. That child obviously has problems and you never know what he could accuse your dh of doing in order to defect blame from himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yeah, I know. At the same time, I can understand why my dh spoke up. Nobody else did. What else could he do, just allow his daughter to be physically shoved around, and say nothing, there by agreeing with the behaviour by his silence? Honestly, the whole thing has me shaking my head. I can remember when I was a kid (geez, now I feel old) there was no WAY we would have dared to be shoving another right in front of adults! And then if an adult, ANY adult had told us that we should have better respect for our teammates, we would have hung our heads in shame, not come back and mouthed off at the adult repeatedly! What the heck is going on?! Complete disrespect, all around, as far as I'm concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Bypass the coach and the parents and get a restraining order on the little ****. He doesn't get to touch your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshyne Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 As a youth sports director, I suggest you take this to whomever appointed your child's coach. I personally find his response unacceptable. If my coaches behave this way, I need to know or I can't do anything about it. He may just need some guidance on how to handle the issue, but let your sports director make that decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm going to see what happens tonight. SpecialMama suggested calling the police, which Wolf vetoed...for now. We'll see. Calling the police on a 10 yo seems a wee extreme, but at the same time, we need to protect our daughter, and if the coach won't... We'll see what happens. I'm hoping that the mom or dad starts attending the games. I'm betting that if either of his parents are in attendance, this behaviour will stop, stone cold dead. Which may be what's actually behind it, from the kid's perspective. Maybe I'm living in an alternate reality, but I had three brothers. And if ANY of my brothers had been name calling and putting their hands on a GIRL, their lives would have been not worth living for a while. Getting into it with another boy would have caused a bit of an issue, depending on the situation...my parents tended to think that unless the other child was much younger, smaller or some how at a disadvantage, boys could sort things out btwn them...but picking on a GIRL...heaven help you. Is that mind set still around at all? Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yeah, I know. At the same time, I can understand why my dh spoke up. Nobody else did. What else could he do, just allow his daughter to be physically shoved around, and say nothing, there by agreeing with the behaviour by his silence? Honestly, the whole thing has me shaking my head. I can remember when I was a kid (geez, now I feel old) there was no WAY we would have dared to be shoving another right in front of adults! And then if an adult, ANY adult had told us that we should have better respect for our teammates, we would have hung our heads in shame, not come back and mouthed off at the adult repeatedly! What the heck is going on?! Complete disrespect, all around, as far as I'm concerned. I don't think it was wrong, in any way, for your DH to speak up for your daughter. She needs to know that her parents are there for her. I've spoken to many kids for a variety of reasons and every single one of them was surprised to be called on what they were doing by an adult. They also stopped what they were doing, at least in my presence, immediately. I don't know what I would have done had one of them mouthed off at me...probably talked to their parents and the coach. If the coach had told me that there was nothing he could do about it, I would have made it clear that I see him as being responsible for the behavior of the team while they are under his supervision. I would make sure he knew that I would go over his head, either to his supervisor or the police, if needed. Maybe I'm living in an alternate reality, but I had three brothers. And if ANY of my brothers had been name calling and putting their hands on a GIRL, their lives would have been not worth living for a while. Getting into it with another boy would have caused a bit of an issue, depending on the situation...my parents tended to think that unless the other child was much younger, smaller or some how at a disadvantage, boys could sort things out btwn them...but picking on a GIRL...heaven help you. Is that mind set still around at all? Anyone? I'm of the mindset that you don't call names or put your hands on anyone regardless of age, size, or gender. It's a big deal at my house. When someone says stop or no, you stop immediately. I don't care what you are doing or were doing before they asked you to stop. Even if they were happily engaged in the activity before they said to stop. Once they state they've had enough, you must stop. I treat it like I'm preventing future rape...it is that serious of a rule here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 And forgive my naivety, but I'm still most shocked by this being another homeschooled child. I've really come to expect better from other homeschooled kids.:001_huh: I have 3 kids. Two of them behave very well but we have one who is a challenge. He mainly hangs around with other home schooled kids, he's disciplined by us yet he is still a huge challenge. Some kids are very difficult. We attend all of his functions though so we can be there to deal with his behavior. I wouldn't let him go too many places alone unless it is a friend's house and then the other parent can let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm of the mindset that you don't call names or put your hands on anyone regardless of age, size, or gender. It's a big deal at my house. When someone says stop or no, you stop immediately. I don't care what you are doing or were doing before they asked you to stop. Even if they were happily engaged in the activity before they said to stop. Once they state they've had enough, you must stop. I treat it like I'm preventing future rape...it is that serious of a rule here. I can't remember where I first read this idea, but it truly works well: have a set phrase for kids to use when they are serious about wanting the other child to stop. At our house, it's simply "please stop." The reasoning being that it can be almost impossible to tell when kids are willingly playing a game and when they truly want it to end. You want them to have the ability to stop when they wish, but they can't play pirates or prisoner or wicked stepmom without saying stuff like "no, help, quit" etc. The set phrase simplifies everything. The rule applies to absolutely everyone, including grandmothers who want one more kiss and uncles who are overzealous ticklers. "Please stop" is an iron-clad law around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 It does not surprise me at all that the child is homeschooled. I would not approach the parents directly. This kind of behavior usually comes from a child whose parents will completely deny the child has done anything and will likely turn around and tell everyone possible that their child is being picked on and wrongly accused. I'd be disappointed with the coach, but not too upset. In rec leagues, as opposed to club, the coaches are usually volunteers with no compensation whatsoever, not even a break on the fee for their own child to play. I volunteer in a similar capacity in another sport. I think some parents think I get a break on registration fees (as if that would be enough to compensate for my time???), but I don't. So, when you sign up for activities that have volunteers in charge realize some people aren't as skilled with dealing behaviors and the coach may need help and guidance. The question is is the help and guidance available in your league. Does your league publish a code of conduct? Does your league have a board that might publish a set of behavioral expectations and possible disciplinary actions for behavioral problems? On my team we didn't have anything formal and we had a child who was a serious problem. We got permission from the board to put together something and deal with the issue. This kind of effort takes time and if there is only one coach, no assistants dealing with the problem may be too much on top of running the team. I would let the rec league board or applicable body (the people you sent your sport registration to) know you are concerned about disciplinary policies and whether there are clear actions the coach can take. I could see some volunteer coach being afraid to take any reasonable action (bench during game, suspension from practice, etc) for fear of the child's parent deciding to take legal action. There may be no legal action to take, but none of the parties know their rights and the volunteer coach may feel it's just not a hassle he volunteered to take on. After all he volunteered so his child would have an opportunity to play. If there were no volunteers, our children wouldn't be playing soccer. I think the coach should have taken the steps of speaking to the child, speaking to the child's parents, suspending the child from practice and/or games. My guess is the training for this volunteer coach did not included how deal with mean little brats and their parents, with assurance that he is legally permitted to deal with said mean little brats and their parents. I would suggest that if you choose not to play in this league again, you look into Upward sports programs. My friends who have done Upward have been very happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 We are playing on a homeschooling league this year. But in the past, in different areas, we played AYSO, the local league, and YMCA. We never had any such problems and this was even with my youngest develping arthritis near the beginning of ther season and not being able to play to her full potential one year and this year, my youngest, having not played since that time, and being the shortest player, and not as good as most of the others, still she has been treated well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 My 2.5 cents....before I give it, I'm sorry for your little dear. I hate mean people. 1. If he behaves this way I would be Shocked if his parents would do anything anyway. A child who has been taught proper sportsmanship and/or general kindness would not behave this way independently. Some kind children may play follow the leader and behave like this, but if a child initiated this, well, frankly, he sounds like a Mean Little booger! 2. Go to the people over the coach after you have submitted a letter to both the board and the coach. This will allow them an opportunity to decide how to handle the problem and they will have to b/c in the letter you'll tell them you'll follow up via conversation at the next game. The Board of Whatever will have more pull, even or especially with the parents. Most coaches in these kinds of leagues are parents too, trying to have some fun coaching or with their kiddo. They don't want, nor are they generally prepared to handle drama. They also don't want to be involved in team drama. If you go to the Board, you may have a better chance. 3. As for the surprise of him being home schooled, not surprised. 6 years ago we left a co-op b/c we always spent the next day repairing behavior that was modeled at the co-op...uncontrolled, undisciplined, unkind little monsters. Waaaay back in the day, you could expect more, but now, you really don't know what you're going to get. I have learned, unfortunately, that being home schooled doesn't mean anything as far as behavior goes. I am Really sorry to Know that is true, but it is what I have found. Even in our supposedly "like minded Christian co-op" there were brats, whiners, and mean kids. There were also some great ones, so don't be discouraged. I am sorry this happened and hope it gets better..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 If this is a rec league and the coach is a volunteer, than I don't really see expecting them to address the issue directly with the parents. Perhaps a lecture to the team in general about sportsmanship and teamwork and some consequences (like benching) if a player doesn't comply. I would feel compelled to talk with the parents of this child if someone were verbally and physically assaulting my child like that. Some level of rough talk to encourage a teammate to step up is one thing, but I think the names he called your daughter and the fact that he actually shoved her is completely outside that realm. Yeah, maybe the parents won't do the right thing, but you really can't know for sure until you talk with them. Then if nothing changes and the coach doesn't follow through, I'd be talking with the board of the league. I know in our soccer league, taunting or intentional physical contact of any kind is not at all tolerated. If they are given heads up, they'll likely watch the next game or two and hopefully remove the child from the team if he continues like this. I'm not a confrontational person, but I definitely would want my child to know that I will not tolerate them being disrespected in this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Mom was there. And it went just splendidly. NOT. The good news is, no blood shed or cops were called. Bad news is, she persisted in insisting that Diva and myself were liars. Wolf was off with the Littles at the playground at the time, I guess I should have waited for him as back up, but didn't want to seem as though I was ganging up on her either. She told me that DIVA was the bully, and had been tormenting her child! I asked her how that could be, since Diva was the one coming off the field in tears? She shook her head, clucked her tongue, and said she didn't believe me. I told her that while I don't doubt that my daughter has the ability to verbally defend herself when need be, she's not one to start things. She then told me that I didn't have a clue as to who my daughter was. She then told me that she didn't appreciate my husband talking to her son, that he should have talked to a parent. I told her, "If we'd ever seen a parent with him, we would have. My husband simply told him that he needed to treat his teammates with more respect, and your son told him to mind his own business, that if it wasn't his daughter, he wouldn't bother to get involved." She replied, "Well, he's probably right." I answered her, "No, the type of man my husband is, he would have spoken up seeing ANY boy shoving a girl around on the field." She claimed that never happened either, that the coach never told her that her son pushed Diva. So basically, Diva and I are big fat liars, and her child is the victim. I invited her to ask Wolf any questions she had about what had occurred, and she promised she would the minute he arrived. I chuckled when she saw him though, and immediately changed her mind. For some reason, First Nations women have no problem challenging me, calling me a liar, but don't dare to take that stand with Wolf. Guessing its a cultural issue. I'm still angry as heck, needless to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'd be angry, too. And I'd tell the coach that he needs to watch the situation. And, I would probably look that kid straight in the eye and tell him he better leave my daughter alone. If it happened again in any way, in ANY way, I'd pull her and tell the parent why. I'd be tempted to beat the crap out of the kid, tell off the mom, get the coach fired, and generally raise h*ll. But that comes from the anger I still hold and am trying to let go of, because of the bullying at my middle school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm still blown away by the whole thing. Its just so surreal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 While it's true the coach cannot change the other child's attitude or home life, it is his job to make soccer fun for all of the players and maintain discipline on his team. The kid's family may be unaware of his behavior. It's also the coach's job to approach the child's family to make a plan about how to approach the attitude and bullying. If the coach isn't willing or able, then you may need to approach the parents kindly to brainstorm ideas about making soccer a positive experience for all of the children, including their son. I'd want to smack the crap out of the kid, but reality is you (or the coach) are going to get a lot more out of the situation if it's approached from an angle of "How can we best help these players work as a team, and how can we help this young man show his best side?" I hope the coach steps up and takes on his responsibilities. Namecalling and shoving are serious behaviors that can't be ignored. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Wow! I'm not sure I've ever met a parent like that IRL. I had a neighbor that comes close. She didn't really deny her son's problems but she always bailed him out. He finally fried his brain on drugs and went to prison on a rape conviction. She'll get what's coming to her someday when her son is in jail because she denied her son's faults and never did anything about it. He'll grow up thinking he can get away with anything and everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Funny, that's pretty much what my dh said...that this kid would end up in jail. I almost laughed when she told me that I didn't know my daughter at all. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her, "I happen to know my daughter extremely well, as she's homeschooled" and watch her face fall, but just didn't want to go there, since her son had been saying he's hs'd as well. With my luck, I'll run into them at the very next hs event we attend. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.